Wednesday, September 28, 2005
‘Now I know why you cant make a guy happy..’
This thought that has been stuffed into the back of my brain has resurfaced because something triggered it
And it isn’t a good thing.
Once again I am led to think deep into the matter and re-evaluate whatever has been going on.
The result as usual will always be as painful as those before and I am made to believe that I am the cause of it all.
I know I am like all other normal human beings who never ever blames themselves for bad things that happens.
Like everyone else, I am one who constantly push my responsibilities and duties and problems onto other people, just so that I can feel better about myself and think that perhaps, whatever happens is only a figment of my imagination. How I always wish I am never the one who made the mistakes and it was someone else who did.
But at the end of day, why am I doing this? When i will only get back to square one, with time wasted on trying to use lies to cover up whatever that was done.
Being through tough stuff proves to be an experience that one will never forget.
Esp. when it comes to matters of the heart.
I mean, how can u actually be sure that this or that guy you are with, really has true and genuine feelings for you when u have been with ones that didn’t care a damn about you??
Furthermore, what should you do when you suddenly realize whatever crap or un-offensive remark that person say about you actually really really matters to you? And that u are affected because that person really matters a lot to you now?
It is scary to think that once again u might actually care about someone more than he does towards you.
Should you ignore this fact till you are hurt again when he takes you for granted one day?
Or should you back away and learn to control your feelings, so that they wont run wild?
Relationships are never easy for me. There’s just so much going on up there in my mind.
Because I really wonder, when will I ever be good enough for you?
When will I be able to get good grades and straight As like you can?
When will I be pretty enough to match up to you?
Seriously, my life is just based on crap and crap and more crap.
Because I am not street smart, neither am I gorgeous enough, smart enough, talented enough, or cute.
I am just crappy.
Why did you even like such an imperfect girl like me to begin with??
♥ poured out my thoughts at
4:29 PM
Thursday, September 22, 2005
i know i havent been blogging any crap lately..and jorge, yr and shun are the only ones flooding my chatterbox..sorry guys..after prelims i'll be back!!
bye for now..
♥ poured out my thoughts at
3:26 PM
Monday, September 12, 2005
well..prelims are juz crap..
they give u loads of hw..expect u to finish them and then no time for u to actually study for ur prelims..
and then u dun have bonus pts to minus off..hard exam papers, kill brain cells and get so stressed tt u can literally pull ur hair off..
why muz education be SO impt in spore..not like i wanna achieve something like becoming a doctor, lawyer, or becoming someone recognizable by everyone around the world..
i juz wanna have a life full of life simple pleasures..
spend time with the ones i care about, the ones i love..
live life doing the things i love and not worrying bout having no money, bout politics and the economy decline or whatever there is happening around me..
but life's not like tt whether u like it or not
and it sucks
♥ poured out my thoughts at
10:27 AM
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
When the going gets tough.. all I wanna do is just give up and go do the things I love the best..
Pursue an arts degree at Laselle
or go abroad and study archeology
or become a tourist guide and explore the world..
Or I could even write crossword puzzle books
or open a shop tt sells all things purple, turquoise and black
but in reality, is all these things possible..?
can I really go far without a cert to show tt I completed a certain level of education??
Well, life is basically stressful and we are all in a rat race..and all of us have to complete it till the end..
I hate to admit it but I am juz tired of life already..
not saying tt I wanna die..
but I wanna break free of the norms of society where everyone is forcing their way through to get to university..
I wanna be different and prove tt education is not needed for success..
But I am not courageous and neither am I brave enough to make such a bold decision..
I am someone who chooses to back away when a prob arises..
When my mum called me to say tt miss tan called her to tell her how badly I did for the mock chem paper..
I didnt go home with my head up high, ready to take punishment..
Instead I chose to wander around the shopping centre, trying to use retail therapy to hide my shame and disappointment..
I guess..i am not tt different from everyone else anymore..
Arent I am following rules and regulations on how to be a human?
Yes I am..timid like everyone else..
♥ poured out my thoughts at
9:30 PM
what is love anyway??
izzit liking someone so much tt u give ur everything without wanting anything in return??
izzit based on the development of infatuation, sheer puppy love or tennage crushes??
or izzit juz something u see on tv..the fairytale true love stories tt nv ever come to life..
sometimes i wonder..and i came to realize..tt it has become a mere a figment of one's imagination or some word in the vocab data bank in one's brain tt one use so often..
saying the words 'i love you' have just becomed a routine for many guys who juz wanna hook up some girl and throw her away a few months later..
its like you are an unlucky hitch-hiker who gets a ride on a strangers car and later gets dropped off maybe in the middle of the ahara desert..
things like this are unpredictable..
how can u actually tell if the man or woman u are with now..IS the one who would carry on with you for the rest of ur life??
u nv know when he or she gets tired of u..
like food tt has expiry dates..partners do too..
but its whether or not u can make ur gfs/bfs live past their expiry dates tt make a difference..
nobody is perfect..everyone has flaws..u cant expect ur partner to be the one girl/guy on earth who is entirely holy and angelic and pure whatever..
yes..she/he may seem to be the perfect person at first..but there's bound to be relevations with time..
truths tt might shock u..hit u in the eye like a punch..
but is love so fragile tt it is even smaller than these little specks of dust?
is it so hard to accept someone for who he/she is?
why is it tt juz becoz u find a flaw in someone tt u cant accept..and then u lose all feelings for her??
i do not understand why..i juz know tt there's no true love on this earth..
even if there is..they are juz insignificant people who nv get the same amount of love back..
♥ poured out my thoughts at
9:04 AM
Friday, September 02, 2005
eh..very long never blog liao..
anyway..am at spiky's house now after the aces cum teachers' day celebration with alvin and of coz spiky..
very bored ma..since i am not able to use the internet at home..
all thanks to my two sis..
anyway..prelims start on mon next week.. or i should say after the holidays..
so kinda working hard la..but still slacking to a certain extent ba..
haiz..nothing to say le la..sianz..bye
♥ poured out my thoughts at
12:12 PM
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