Monday, August 23, 2004
My dad juz finished reformatting the laptop so I can use le..yay!
Tts why I didnt write in ytd..didnt have internet explorer..
Anyway, nothing much happened lahz..
Except for tt i patched back with jw le..hope things will really work out from then on loh..
Dun wanna fight anymore..
Hmmm..then I dunno what has gotten into me lately..like very against all teachers liddat..
Keep feeling tt every teacher very bias against me..
Esp ms kaur juz gotten into the top of my hate list today..
She lahz.. always picking on me.. always spot-check target me..
Other pple put ear stick she nv say anything one.. pple wear earring on 3rd ear hole she nv say anything..
Pple’s socks pull until very low she nv scold lehz..
But me hor.. always get scolded one.. walao lorx..
She is such a bias cow manz..i hate her~!!!
Then tt miss neo also so mean lorx..like to see me suffer or whatever arh..
Make me go for practice 4 times this week lorz..
Want me die liddat..
Sumore told her I got tuition, cca, lit stuff and remedials le..
She still dun care..
then when eunice say she very ‘sick’ bout having to go for extra practice too..
miss neo scold her till I think she almost cried..
so NOT understanding lehz..argh..hate her!
Okay..now muz cool down.. *takes in deep breath*.. lol..
Phew.. feel much better after letting all my anger out le..
Ey..then I today went lot 1 with jw to buy stationery becoz all my pens all run out of ink le..
Then using some vodoo-doll-looking pen becoz I use correction pen to erase out the eyes..
Tt jason go colour until so ugly mahz..
Then I use the pen until a bit freaked out le..hahaz..lame rite?
Anyway, not bringing it to sch anymore since I got my pen refills le..
Err..so me and jw juz walked aimlessly aroung lot 1 lorx..
i go buy yami yogurt to eat..so I was like trying to waste time while finishing it..
hee..then go inside NTUC see toothbrush, insect repeller and many other stupid stuff..
dunno why also..think I abit siao today lahz..hahaz..
so erm..nothing much to say le..ttfn then!
♥ poured out my thoughts at
10:50 PM
Sunday, August 22, 2004
*heart is literally broken in two*..
its really over this time..
i juz have no more energy to plead with u to patch back anymore..
i'm exhausted..grow white hair already..
becoz i have to cope with so many things too..
& it's so much worst having to try and try so hard to get us back together again..
yet it failed..
so i juz gotta accept the facts tt its not possible for us anymore..and let go..
u think u are busier than me..goin through even more..but how would u know when u are not me?
i'm not like u u know..i am not used to dealing with so many things..
i dun give myself stress to study hard..i have stress given to me instead..
so it's not an option tt i can choose..it is a requirement i have to fulfill..
and its not easy..
anyway, u wun understand..
haiz..guess in the next few weeks, more white hair will appear..
maybe i should juz end my life..why bother living when its so hard?
♥ poured out my thoughts at
12:29 AM
Saturday, August 21, 2004
Today so unlucky manz..had encounters with 3 bitches..or i should say 4..
First one is the fierce & scary mdm ong..
who seems to have something against me.. then scold me today.. say tt I copied a frenz hw..
truth is, I did the hw by myself one loh..considering how rare it is 4 me to be so hardworking..& she accuse me of copying..walao lorx, in tt case I shouldn’t have even bothered to do my hw..
only get scolded in the end 4 something tt I did not do..
then after maths extra lesson, I had to rush off to piano lesson and face miss neo for 2 hrs..
sianz man..its like she didnt find anything wrong with my playing last week, then today..she suddenly change views or whatever lohz..
hate her grand piano manz..make me get scolded..juz becoz she want me play loud but not bang out keys..then when I couldnt do it the way she wanted me too..she blew her top and scold me lohz..
almost cried..but I held back my tears..dun want to cry in front of tt stupid teacher..
then also, my mum is so over demanding lohz..when she fetch me from my piano lesson, I asked her about buying a cello for my birthday..then she dun allow..say what cello so big.. buy cello for what..
so I told her my cello skills are getting bad to worst becoz I am only able to practice in school & not at home..which is really not enough..
plus I wanted to pursue music studies in cello after completing my piano diploma..& u know what she say? She say ‘what for’ lehz..argh, whats her damn prob manz..does she expect me to give up on my cello after sec sch??!
All she thinks of is herself and what she wants..keep insisting that she want me to become piano teacher..
For goodness sake lorx, I am starting to dread piano lessons a lot already lohz..and she still want me become a teacher in future? Ha..as if I would arh..
Sumore want me in future give her 50% of my salary or whatever..well, I dun care even if shes my mum..if she’s so demanding, Ill migrate far away and dun come back..
Since still got my 2 sis to take care of her mah rite?? No worries..
Haiz..juz so hard to live with my mum..always crashing my dreams..want me to do things tt I hate.. want me do well in exams..
But its so ironic isnt it? what’s the use of studying so hard when she wants me to become juz a piano teacher in future huh? In tt case, I can actually quit sch le mah rite?? Teaching piano doesnt require much education..
Lastly, tt dora has an ego even bigger than her size..disgusting..its like she thinks she is all pretty, sweet, lovable, humble..when she is instead an entire menace to our co..
Today went sch with Bernice then Dora was walking in front of us..then talk so loud to her friend like want the whole world to hear what she is saying..
Then she was putting her hands on her hips pulling against her bag straps making her bag to be high up on her shoulders..
What a proud big fat thing she is..i also dun want to say her but she really need to think about the way she is acting lohz..it really turns pple off..
Anyway..not in a really good mood today after all tt happened so ttfn for now..
♥ poured out my thoughts at
12:06 AM
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Wasnt able to blog ytd although I very much wanted to..
All becoz my stupid sis was hogging the comp.. and nagging at me about everything..
Complaining tt I nv study..whatever..
argh, shes worst than my mum..
I hate her manz..
Anyway, many things happened lately..and its so hard to cope with stuff..
Esp. when they all come together at the same time..
Now all my time is spent on practicing the piano for the upcoming exam, and I still have to start studying 4 sa2, and pack to get ready to move house..
Sumore I have to go miss neo house at least 3 times a week to practice on her grand piano..and it takes a lot of my time away..
Since each practice last longer than 2 ½ hrs..
Wonder how I was supposed to deal with all this..when something more drastic happened..
Haiz, this is it:
I broke up with him..
What’s worst is tt I still cant figure out why..
Anyway, I cried quite a lot the past few days till some of my sadness has turned into anger..
& I cant cry anymore now..
Tried asking him to get back together..but he is so reluctant liddat..
And its already below my values to beg or whatever..
Haiz, wonder why I always follow my heart..which is what makes me weak..
Ya, I admit I said very mean things but I wasnt the one who started everything..
Its like, I try my best to walk the extra mile for him, fell out with my frenz becoz of him..
Put him before my frenz..
And the next thing I know, he claims tt he wants out of this relationship becoz he thinks he is hurting me..
Anyway, what kinda logic is tt?? Not like I complain a lot bout him mistreating me, do I?
I dunno what else I can do..to salvage the relationship..
Other than having tt talk with him tml..
Tt he makes out to be full of all the negative things bout me and stuff..
Anyway, my frenz tell me its not worth my time to ask him to patch back..
Saying tt got so many other guys out there for me..
Say what they knew it wun last in the first place, since they dun find anything good bout him..
All I can say is,
I love him, I really do..
But if he really dun want to be back together again..and dun love me anymore..
I will juz let go and not pursue the matter again..
Maybe hate him for life, I dunno..
Juz hope what he will say to me tml wun hurt me worst than the state Im in..
Becoz it’s really so hard to act as if everything is fine in front of others..
Juz wanna say thanks to jodee for being there for me, jingxiang too..love u guys lots!
♥ poured out my thoughts at
1:05 AM
Sunday, August 15, 2004
hmmm..havent written in for bout a week..
guess i was lazy, maybe not..juz busy..
anyway, update a bit lohz..
tuesday >>
went for piano lesson from 9-1 pm.. then went orchard watch the village with jw and cy..
wednesday >>
after school then went lot1 library wait for jw..went take neoprint..
thursday >>
stayed back in sch 4 chem remedial then wait for jw again
friday >>
had add maths and e-maths tests all one go..stressful manz..fail already..*sad*..then rushed off 4 piano lesson..
saturday >>
my tamagotchi got baby already!! had co and went home with jw..had EXTREME conflicts wih him..
had piano group performance at miss neo house from 7.45 till 10.30 pm..
as for today..nothing much happened..juz feel very hurt..and remorseful for myself..
dunno why things always nv work out for me..
guess i am juz waiting aimlessly for a nutshell to open up..
and i cannot predict what will happen either..
or what the outcome will be..
all im doing now is juz waiting..
izzit worth my time??
♥ poured out my thoughts at
11:51 PM
Monday, August 09, 2004
okie..today is
national day..but nothing special actually..
stayed at home being a pig..eat, sleep, watch tv..and only did maths..
so i still have 3 compos to do..can u actually believe it?? haiz..chi, lit and eng..
wonder if the teachers actually enjoy torturing us..
anyway, ytd's bbq very fun..
hmmm..got ks, biwei, si rui, jisun, sien, shuting, vivain, mel, jameson, shiwei, wei tze and bernice go..
then we all berbecue, play those fireworks thingy and eat and eat and eat..
Took loads of pics with sirui's camera too..so wanna ask her send me so i can upload onto friendster..
hee..so i made jelly at noon then had to leave the house at 3+..
needless to say, the jelly not ready yet..
but still muz bring go mah rite?
so i stuff my entire radio into my backpack, carry containers of jelly and butter and..
met up with biwei dad's car at lot1 taxi stand 1st and then went to the bbq together with her..
then go there tt time..eat alot lohz..
gonna grow really fat already..
in fact, aren't i fat in the first place?? lol..
hmmm, so i ate 5 muffins...juz like biwei and jisun..hahaz, we crazy one..eat so much..
but according 2 jisun, it is healthy fat, so nvm..i guess..
oh ya, one thing:
marshmallows are extremely unhealthy, the fat u gain from eating them can nv can lost one..
no matter what u do..
izzit true?? dunno lehz..jisun say one..although it is actually quite crappy lahz..hahaz..
but i ate four, then after that i dun dare eat liaoz..later really true arhz..then i might juz end up looking like a
big fat balloon..lol..
but i lurvve marshmallows alot lohz..haiz..dunno whether can refrain from eating them..
hmmm..anyway, drank alot of soft drinks ytd also..tt i have avoid for months..haiz..
sad case tt there wasn't any plain water..
but now i'm back to anti-softdrinks again..so i hope it's okay..
dun wanna end up with diabetics arhz..
then we also run around playing ice, and the fireworks thingy..and i threw a few unto the trees..
so tt i can make
wishes..
but i'm not goin to tell u what i wished for..or else they wun come true..hee..
so shhh..
oh..then everyone ate my jelly lehx..then finish..sho happy..hee
although biwei say my jelly tasted like medicine..hahaz..
but i guess it's becoz it is the only dessert mahz..so we all sit around the table, using plastic spoons to scoop the jelly out..
hahaz..what a sight rite??
lol..then jameson analysis me..say i am someone with many friends..but most dun last long..
something along those lines..
quite true actually..
anyway, somehow i a bit scared of jameson..becoz he seems to be able to read pple's minds..which is freaky..
*shivers* ..hope he doesn't read this entry..hahaz..
anyway..i goin out with jw tml..with chang yi also..to orchard..
hope it will be fun..wanna enjoy myself before sch starts again and it's time to prepare for the exams..
but before that..i gotta go to miss neo's house in the morning to practice piano..
Since my Garde 8 exam coming le..
*scared* ..
will be exactly one month from on..on the
9th sept..so wish me luck everyone!
so stop here..bye!
♥ poured out my thoughts at
10:08 PM
Saturday, August 07, 2004
okie..didn't write in 4 the past few days..dunno why also..
anyway, the laptop has been taken away by my father already and so i juz have to resort to using the EXTREMELY lousy computer now..
hate it manz..
anyway, ytd was the sch. national day celebration cum house games..then took part in the sec 3 race..
something bout making the longest line or whatever..
then everyone very the scheming lohz..esp. blue house..they go take lotsa newpaper to form the line..
then actually our house got the longest line..sadly go cut other house lane..think it's becoz red house come into ours..
then we ended up in 3rd place..
the teachers' sho bad manz..bias one arh..let yellow house win..argh!
one interesting thing i found out: the trophy is so weird..can screw the top off the bottom stand one..hee!
anyway, after tt i went to westmall eat macdonalds with jw,jingxiang,jonas, kevin..eh,juz alot of guys lahz..
then the only girl..hahaz..but i okay with it lahz..
but jw dun believe me liddat..keep thinking tt i will mind..
hmmm..so after eating, i pull jw go bugis walk walk with me..
then seems like his 1st time go walk walk liddat..so he seemed abit unhappy..ask me got alot of things to walk meh lohz..
haiz..he should abit more enthu mahz..instead of juz standing outside the shops waiting for me & having e thinking tt it would be awkward or whatsoever..
hmmm..1st time went bugis u know..hee..then walk until quite blur..
but there got quite alot of things..sumore got quite alot of angmoh..so i think is tourist site bahz..
but sadly,soon it was time to go 4 my piano lesson le..
so had to take train all the way back to bukit panjang..as i had lesson from 5.15 to 6.15pm before having to go back to my teacher's house again for aural practice till 9+..
so i was really tired when i went home ytd..tt i fell asleep soon after taking a shower and msging jw..
then for today,i had co practice before rushing home for tuition..
anyway, this computer is so,argh..wanna change computer!!
so erm, tt's it..really looking forward to tml's berbecue..*shrieks*
it's gonna be fun manz..
so bye here!
♥ poured out my thoughts at
10:00 PM
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
okie..stupid sis nagging at me for blogging again..
dunno what's her prob lohz..
juz becoz i didn't help her buy foolscap paper, she starts her usual routine of torturing me or whatever again..
really cannot stand her at all manz..
anyway, today wrote the speech for the presentation tml..really scared i would mess things up..
juz hope that i wun..
then planning to go out with jw to weird weird places on fri..
go barbecue with co pple on sunday..
and then watch the village with jw on mon since got 4 days of hols..yipee!!
so happy manz..but after that muz really start studyin for the yr end exams le..
only less than 2 more months..so i muz act really guai and start finishing all my hw..hee
so gtg liaoz..later sis scold again...
ttfn!
♥ poured out my thoughts at
11:29 PM
Monday, August 02, 2004
This time, I can have my
p.m.s. to blame for how I’m feeling now..
Angry with everything around me..
When I am trying so hard to accept reality.. pple juz have to put me down again and again..
& it sux..it really does..much to the extent tt I wonder why I am even tolerating all these stuff..
u guys practically treat me like the
beggar along the underground passes of Orchard Road..
That pple see but choose to ignore lorz..
So many things have been going on.. and no one tells me anything.. and u pple expect me to be cool when I know about the truth..
dad has juz closed down his coffee shop and I knew nothing of it..
No one told me.. no one bothered lohz..
And I only found out today, when I saw cartons of drinks everywhere brought back from the coffee shop.. and tt our house is like a store now..
Then u pple buy a flat without telling me.. and leaving me out of everything..
So I am the only one who doesn’t know where the stupid heck the flat is.. how it is like.. & everything else..
What am I anyway? When I ask u guys, u say it is none of my business and tt I should not be such a busybody..
So am I even denied the basic rights to know what I should know? Why can’t anyone juz understand??
U guys juz literally
shut me away.. thinking tt I dun care, tt I have no feelings or whatsoever..
Well, I do..
But I guess u guys juz
nv know or understand..
nv there when I needed support..
U all
nv cared..
And I hate u all for that..
♥ poured out my thoughts at
10:00 PM
Sunday, August 01, 2004
Hmmm.. today another typical Sunday..
Nv do anything much except watch tv the whole morning.. read magazines.. laze around doing nothing..
Practically acting like a pig lahz..hahaz..
Then at night go lot1 eat with mum and elaine.. and persuaded my mum to buy me a new bag since I’ve been using the same one 4 so long le..
Becoz Jason keep saying me nv change bag 4 so long ..lol.. I thought so too..hee
Anyway, my bag like zhiyin one liddat one..but I find it really nice lehz..hee..
So Adios..
♥ poured out my thoughts at
10:58 PM
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