Saturday, July 31, 2004
Okay, went to pioneer jc to be a supporter for kareen at the plain english speaking comp..
Skipped co.. hee..
Anyway, got only bout 10+ pple go.. sadly, Jason, Jorge, they all say got something on or whatever so cannot go..
Haiz..kareen really needed their support to say the truth..then she would have done better..
Guess she was under a lot of pressure from ms kaur and had to rush against time and stuff to memorize her speech..
Hmmm.. so hope she will cheer up and not worry over the comp. already..
U go gurl!
Hahaz.. so erm, after tt, went lot 1 with jodee, hafidz, jing xiang and jw..
Then jw wanted 2 watch iRobot..but I had tuition at 3 so I could not go with him..
So jing xiang go with him..
But before tt, we all go LJS eat lahz.. hungry mahz.. hee..
Then they left leaving me with the couple..so bad..
Sumore got some older sec students from our sch waiting for our seats..
Then I was the only one left eating becoz I eat so slow..hahaz
so I was trying to push all tt food into my mouth..
& imagine me doing that lorx.. *ewww*.. lol..
Then rushed home 4 tuition be4 rushing out 2 westmall to meet Jennifer, Jiamin & Candice 2 go for the ACS(I) band concert..
Becoz my sis make me go in her place lahz..
Luckily they sold tickets there or else Jiamin wouldn’t have been able to go too..
Anyway, I was the only one who dressed up since they all came from sch mahz..
So like very extra liddat..lol..
Then sit beside them very the stressful one..they keep criticizing the band..
Scary wor~ since I am Chinese Orchestra one mahz..then didn’t know there was so much competition among diff school bands one..
They sumore got web online to diss about diff sch band concerts one lehx..
Hahaz..
At least co nv do dis kinda thing..hahaz.. like sho bad..
Hmmm.. so after concert took mrt with jiamin then go home fall asleep le..
What a long day..
♥ poured out my thoughts at
12:54 AM
talking to jw on the phone now..then he sound so sianz..
like something bothering him but he dun want say..
anyway..very tired now..stayed in school for 4 whole hrs for nothing..
then had to rush to bukit panjang for my piano lesson..
okay..maybe i exaggerated a bit..
i was actually supposed to have maths test and remedial..
then maths test was cancelled and remedial still on..
wanted to go bishan with jodee one..but i thought no one pon..
so stayed for the remedial..
end up all the girls pon.. left me one girl attend the remedial with all the guys..
haiz..stupid manz..should have gone with jodee instead..
anyway, jw accompanied me to cck mrt station be4 i headed for the lrt station..
then had piano lesson for more than 3 hrs..
crazy manz...miss neo go hold me back lahz..
keep scolding scolding me..
anyway, i really confirm moving to bukit panjang le..*sad*..
cannot accompany jw to yew tee mrt station le..
haiz..guess i can't stop such things from happening..
so finally i am learining to accept things..and look on the brighter side of life..
so erm..tml goin to support kareen for her comp..
then going out with jw for a while before heading home for tuition
then got to go for ACS(I) concert in the evening..
tiring hor??
hahaz..stupid sis go for some hair modelling thingy..
then make me go for the concert for her..
see, i so good to her..lol
anyway, Mika got two frenz le..so happy..
so gtg liaoz..dad home already..so bye..
♥ poured out my thoughts at
12:13 AM
Thursday, July 29, 2004
hmmm..wonder what has gotten into me..not havin p.m.s mahz..
why did i get so angry today then??
hahaz..anyway, i was waiting for jw in school today becoz he had 2 do some project thingy..
then i had no chemistry remedial mahz..
so i was juz doing nothing & hanging around in the co room..
then suddenly rmb elaine got swimming lesson today so if i dun get home before 4.30,
i will be locked out the house till 6+ lorx..
and when 4 liddat, jw still haven't finish lorx..so i got really frustrated..
angry with everything..then say i wanna go home le..
so he accompanied me 2 the mrt station then went back sch..
sayin he very guilty and stuff when i nv blame him..
haiz..guess i made him very worried..
okay..then met zhiying on bus home & she offered to let me go her house 1st till 6 then go home..
so nice of her..but i saw elaine and auntie walking 2 the swimming complex mahz..
so juz take the key from them and when back home instead..
still, wanna thank zhiying 4 bein so kind-hearted..lol
erm..then go home talk to jw 4 a while while he in causeway point..and then go rest..
locking elaine and auntie outta the house for 1/2 hr when they came home..hahaz..
good 4 them..they nv experience getting locked out for 3 hrs before yet..
me lorx..so sua ku..last week climb over gate sit outside house like some homeless teenager..
sumore my house in front of the shuttle service bus-stop lorx..
so paiseh manz..muz have been so looked down upon by those pple waiting at the bus-stop..
hmmm..then my parents are bent on moving to bukit panjang le...haiz..
and they purposely dun want to gimme my own room..
so they explain halfway i sianz diao then cont. playing piano..
to interrupt whatever they were trying to tell me..
anyway, i am too tired to actually try to communicate with my parents..
give up..
then mdm ong said tt every fri will have maths level test..
wah lao lehz..can die from studying arh..
liddat i very easily can fail lorx..
the stupid maths level head can go and die for setting this rule manz..
hmmm..good news now..mika, my tamagotchi pet evolve liaoz..
fast hor?? hahaz..muz be i feed it too much le..grow so fast..hahaz..
so i stop here..update tml..bye!
haiz
♥ poured out my thoughts at
10:49 PM
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Imagine sleeping at
3am last night and only having
3 hrs of sleep..
Haiz..been feeling extremely tired for the whole day..esp. now..
Guess I have to finally sacrifice my tv shows for beauty sleep tonight or I will suffer dire consequences..
Always falling asleep in my classes & not concentrating these few days..
Cannot afford to let it happen anymore.. dun wanna end up doing badly again for SA2..
So I guess..
Shouldn’t have caused so many probs & stuff, making jw worried..
Then causing him to sleep at 3 also..
*guilty*
Will learn to sleep earlier from now on.. muz listen to bear-bear..=)
Hmmm, now 4 the good news.. I finally gotten my
TAMAGOTCHI!!! Can u believe it?
It is so cute lorx..my gosh..
too bad it is sleeping now.. cannot go disturb!
Hee..so I actually when Lot1 Kiddy Palace to buy it.. but they ran out of stock.. dun have the color I want le..
So went Watsons, Comics Connections.. blah blah blah.. in search of my tamagotchi..
Then finally found it at World of JJ at the CCK MRT station there..
Really overjoyed lohx.. hee.. gonna carry it around with me from now on..
I lurrve it so much! Hee..
Anyway, jw and jing xiang accompanied me..
go with me in search for Tamagotchi.. so thanks a lot guys!!
Esp. jw even offered to buy the tamagotchi for me but I dun want..
Cannot wait any longer liaoz.. and becoz I dun want him to waste money on me..
Instead he can buy a tamagotchi for himself to partner mine & have tamababies.. wun that be cooler??
Hahaz..
Oh ya, peeps out there, buy ur very own tamagotchis too lehx.. then can infra-red and let them play together..lol..
So I guess I go accompany my pet, Mika (tamagotchi) to sleep now le..
tired wor..
*sniffs* ..cannot watch amazing race and buffy tonight le..
*sad*
so ttfn.
♥ poured out my thoughts at
10:25 PM
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Feel much better today compared to ytd.. at least I didn’t cry or whatsoever..
Tried not to think so much.. becoz I had enough of crying already.. what’s the use anyway..
Bear-bear says he would be there for me if I ever need someone or feel helpless..
Promised not 2 turn away.. juz hope he would stand by me juz as he said.. would he?
Anyway, he said I was changing.. different.. am I?? Am I trying to turn away from everything and shut myself up..?
I dunno either.. I dun even know what I should do..
Esp. when my folks dun even wanna tell me bout what they are doing..
All they do is scold me 4 bein ignorant.. rebellious.. whatever..
But I can’t help it since they dun tell me anything rite??
I would juz end up bein left out of the decision making of what flat I’ll be moving to..
No clue on anything..
Should I actually hate my family for ignoring me? Fight back when my elder sis hits me?
Or should I juz remain silent as always.. walk the house like an invisible person.. and say nothing at all??
Haiz.. so helpless now.. like a bird without wings liddat..
Letting out my frustrations on my friend and jw for my misfortunes.. when I know I should not have done it..
Juz hope u guys wun hate me.. pls.. forgive me.. I know I was wrong.. pls dun hate me..
♥ poured out my thoughts at
9:45 PM
Monday, July 26, 2004
now jw angry with me again..
why muz things turn out liddat?
haiz..i am the one supposed to be havin a rough time,not him..
& it seems as if the tables are turned..
i know i shouldn't have said tt u copied and pasted those msgs from somewhere..
but three at a time is an overkill..esp. when u send them all of a sudden..
i know i shouldn't have said tt..
sorry bear-bear..
juz so frustrated with life and everything and i feel so helpless..
that i can't do anything..
u dunno how it feels to have ur family ignore u..
i am so sorry bout everything..
really need ur comfort now but u cannot even call me..
needless to say, u are not able to be here with me too..
pls, juz dun ignore me too alrite??
really really need u since everyone has turned away and i am left alone..
pls forgive me..
really need u..
i am so sorry..
♥ poured out my thoughts at
10:41 PM
Mondays always turn out to be bad.. esp. today was a disaster..
Esp. when a very close friend insult u so much tt u cannot take it anymore..
Haiz, I am not tryin 2 bitch bout anyone.. but lately becoz of all e probs I have at home..
It has been hard 2 act as if I am okay in school when I am not..
& on top of tt, this frenz keeps putting me down..
ya, I know I’m not gorgeous and pretty..i dun mind u saying tt..
but u dun have 2 move on 2 talk bout my nose..& say it is big and stuff..
so what if my nose bridge is high??
Also, since Jorge and Mic didn’t cum for lit today..i needed pple 2 help draw the pics for pictionary game..
So I asked around 4 pple to draw.. to get a variety of drawings..becoz I wanted e pics NOT to be clear so tt the game would be harder..
Then u came & said my drawing very ugly mahz.. so I should draw..
Well, since I am SO bad at drawing, then u should draw what..
But u did not do anything at all.. even when I asked u to come over to help so we could finish faster..
instead u preferred 2 hang out with mel..
(do not say pple are bad at this & that when u urself are bad at it too)
Haiz..then geog project at first u say cum my house tml do one..
Then u change ur mind say do on wed..
When there is lit & I gotta prepare a speech for fri when e CitySuccess pple (or whatever) come 2 our sch..
Anyway, I am juz gonna send all the research 2 ur email add & u complete e powerpoint..
If u dun finish by Thurs, ur prob..
I know I am mean by saying this, but I think it is necessary for u 2 know tt what u say sometimes can really hurt pple`s feelings..
I can tolerate a lot from u but u have crossed the line this time..
So sorry 4 saying bout u.. hope u understand..
Then becoz of what tt frenz say.. I got into such a bad mood.. then sumore jw see me bad mood.. he also nv really comfort me..
Haiz.. but I dun blame him.. since I have always been used 2 solving everything by myself..
So stop saying sorry 4 not comforting me already okay? I’m okay on my own one..
Since I nv had anyone there for me..
Esp. when even confining in my diary is childish & a waste of time to my parents &
sis..
And writing a entry in my blog is a crime & makes everyone in my family angry with me..
It’s like they nv understand me at all..
When a guy stalked me home after my tuition last time..
i tried telling my mum and instead of comforting me..
She actually scolded me & said it muz have been tt I wore too skimpy clothes..
When I actually wore juz a shirt and shorts??
I juz dunno what 2 say..all I know is tt I can nv trust my family with anything at all..
Breakdown*
♥ poured out my thoughts at
10:36 PM
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Okie, today juz another regular Sunday.. morning go eat breakfast w/th my dad..then go library..
And as usual, dad dun wanna talk 2 me liddat.. then dun wan eat or whatever.. keep staring into space..
Ya, I know he is very stressed bout selling e house & stuff.. can understand.. but he doesn’t have 2 ruin my Sunday morning by ignoring me too right??
Haiz..so when elaine & me finished our breakfast..with his is still lying on e table..
I voiced out tt if he didn’t wanna eat, so be it lahz..cannot force him mah..
When I knew it was entirely wrong for me 2 speak liddat to him..
Haiz..feeling guilty now..& sad tt my dad is treating me liddat..
Am i juz a speck of dust in my dad eye, which he cannot wait 2 get rid of??
Anyway, ytd I went looking at flats w/th my mum & elaine after my tuition.. and I realized how bad e situation is..
It is like..i have 2 confine myself into apartments smaller than juz the 1st floor of my house now??
Not like I look down on HDB housing.. but after living in a terrace house for bout 3 yrs.. it seems as if I do..
I already feel so sianz to actually move already..but I juz nv imagined tt I would be moving 2 someplace tt is so small, with my study room is bigger than 2 rooms even..
U might think I am exaggerating, but I’m not..
What’s worst is I wun even have a study room let alone get my own bedroom..
I feel so downgraded lorx..haiz..
Dun want 2 talk bout movin house le..my heart aches tt the thought of it…haiz..
Hmmm..so erm, will be busy with a lot of things in this new week..
Gonna complete geog project, make a speech 4 the proposal thingy when the Citysuccess pple come down on fri, prepare 4 tests..
Very stressed manz..so bear-bear betta be here 4 me & go through this period of time w/th me..
Becoz I am really goin through alot now..juz tt I dun express it..
May god be w/th me too..guide me through all these roadblocks in life..
sighing off..
♥ poured out my thoughts at
8:15 PM
Saturday, July 24, 2004
Haiz.. juz finished doin my stupid tuition hw. .tired manz..
Wanna fall asleep le..lol..
Esp. with everything tt is happening.. living life is so hard..
Then got that someone who is so drama lorx.. how irritating..
Making up stories bout having some stupid illness..
Juz to get sympathy from tt hua xin guy.. anyway, what is the talk bout waitin 4 tt basketba11 guy anyway?? All crap only..
Honestly, there is nothing wrong with being a vainpot.. but it’s too much le lohz..
When u would even put ur friendship on the line juz 2 get tt stupid guy attention..
Hope u will wake up & change back 2 the way u used 2 be...or u can juz cont. bein a bitch...
Anyway, I’m not involved.. lucky me ..phew
Hmmm, then tml got co again.. sianz manz.. whole day play the same songs one..
So erm, nothing much liaoz 4 today, juz wish bear-bear will get well soon..*huggies*..
♥ poured out my thoughts at
1:30 PM
Thursday, July 22, 2004
what if i become numb one day??
really dun wan that to happen, becoz i can't bear 2 have u walk out of my life..
anyway, quite a lot of things happened 2 me today..
makin' me really confused..
should i actually treat tt person as a frenz or foe??
i wonder..since i have always seen her as someone who's nice and all..
then today i found out tt she might have juz suceeded in ruining my life.. making me lose 1 impt frenz in my life...
and e next thing i know, after readin her blog, i felt pity 4 her..& i dunno why..
actually, there is nothing to feel sad about...
i juz dunno...is she really as good as pple say??
esp. when i am hidden from the truth..
stuff has been going on & i juz nv been told of what's happening around me..
guess it's becoz i nv bothered 2 ask...
then i had a fight with jw over the past..or i should say my past..
really feel guilty about my horrible past with david and wm..
the unhappy past of lies, of broken promises, of stupidity..
wonder why i had been so blind..
esp. when i am treated as an object used for trading..
when i have a placard placed upon me, sayin "FOR SALE"..
u guys made my life miserable..
i was made a fool..
how softhearted i was before..
juz hope tt jw wun let me down like they did..
& hope i can throw away the past and create a new beginning with him..
becoz this time, i really know what i want, 4 the first time ever in my life...
that all i want is to be with him..and care 4 him..
becoz i really really treasure him so much..
juz hope tt he can read my thoughts & know how i feel bout him..
i trust him with my heart..believe tt he will love me the same way too..
so pls, dun break my heart again..
i have already been hurt countless times before..
dun hurt me again..
i love u..
♥ poured out my thoughts at
3:50 PM
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Okie..I guess the stress level is too high for me le..
Need pple in the costumes & makeup team to help me find designs 4 making the dresses..so we can hand them to e teacher to teach us how 2 sew..
Then I still have to get quotes 4 the pictionary game for the stupid cd-rom thingy..since I blur blur go say do 20 then they all push the whole thing 2 me 2 do..
wah..my hw keep piling up lehz..scary manz..
anyway.. I also worried 4 my jw..he having sore throat..
so poor thing..so hope he gets well soon..
muz drink lots of water hor..hee..
then I also hope Candice will cheer up..for her too..
gave her many of my opinions and ideas liaoz..
so I juz hopes she can solve the prob..
anyway.. who ask *tt so called frenz* go purposely blurt out things lahz..
hmmm..then my mum is so super annoying manz..
first, she promised me a room in e new house..
& now, she says I can’t have a room to myself SINCE she wants 2 buy a smaller HDB flat or whatever which is much cheaper..
not tryin to blame my parents or anything..
but downgrading from a terrace house to a HDB flat is bad enough already..now this??
I dunno lorx..but I lurrve my house very much..
And I juz cannot imagine myself living in a flat tt has so little walking space..
Haiz..who ask my dad’s frenz 2 betray him a few yrs ago & snatch away his business..
Or else we wun be in e state we are in..
Then my sis could have gone abroad to study her law..
Sad..wonder what worst things can happen..
Esp. when I dun really know anything.. I dun talk to my family..
I’m treated like some outsider..
Whatever it is, I also can’t be bothered..
becoz in the end, I will still try 2 stay away as far as possible..
I juz can’t communicate with my parents..
♥ poured out my thoughts at
3:39 PM
Got so many things 2 do BUT juz cannot stop myself from writing in my blog..
Anyway, went to get supplies 4 the lit play at Lot 1 juz now..or I should say the stationery stuff..
Then went home at 7+..cannot believe I wasted time juz liddat..!
Only glad that jw accompanied me..jing xiang too lahz..
Hmmm..then today wore a dark blue kebaya..though I felt i look totally weird..
Since I forgot to bring shoes to match the outfit..
So I ended up wearing my school shoes tt is SO not nice..
But turns out everyone says it’s okay..I wonder..
Hahaz, zhiyin even go say can see my figure..say what I slim..
Like real arhz…I’m so fat *my gosh*..I look like a pig manz.. hee..
Also hurt myself while playing captain ball 2dae..
Got hit in the leg twice, once on the face, and once smacked on into my lower lip..
Pain siah…but I can take e pain..lol..
Then erm, finally biwei talked 2 me le..
At least there isn’t like a cold war between us anymore..
But maybe I’m thinking too much..what if she still buai song me lehz??
Juz hope I am not wrong in thinking tt we can save our friendship..
Becoz I seriously dun even know why she is angry with me or whatever..
Haiz..typical me to always offend pple without knowing it..
Esp. when I am so prone 2 saying things..
& then forgetting tt I said them..
than pple angry with me 4 something I said..& I juz dunno why..
so dear god,
pls pls pls make things be fine between me & everyone who is against me..
sorry 4 saying or doin something 2 offend u guys..
hope u guys can 4give me and understand me..
esp. e cello bass section..
*prayers pls come true*
so ttfn!
♥ poured out my thoughts at
2:01 PM
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
okie...juz tranferred over to blog...
had a hard time doin the layout but it is finally done, phew...
anyway, really busy lately with everything, esp. the lit play...
u know, i gonna finish two dresses (i mean gowns actually!) in like 2 weeks?!
argh!! guess stress has juz hit me hard in the face...
i still need to practise 4 my upcoming piano exam, do geog project, do the 'stupid' noticeboard, do tuition hw...
and many other stuff...
somehow i feel like life has become a chore, where u have to race against time to finish ur assignments on time...
haiz, life very hard lehz...
but, amidst everything, my only comfort lies in bear-bear...
lol, went 2 watch King Arthur with him on last Fri when we were not allowed 2 watch Brotherhood...
sad case, i still underage...*sniffs*
but muz look on the brighter side...next yr can watch NC16 show le...
so muz be patient...hee..
then tml is racial harmony..gonna wear kebaya (or watever u call it)...
quite excited actually...although i know the whole thing is lame...
like, there is this vegetable naming contest?!
spastic manz...wonder who came up with such a dumd contest...
hahaz...but looking forward to tml...
juz wanna forget everything tt's stressing me...
p.s. moving house soon in oct...and i may finally be getting my own room! *shrieks*
♥ poured out my thoughts at
2:08 PM
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