I don't know what is happening in the universe right now, maybe it was because we had a full moon last week but I keep getting asked the adoption questions that tend to get under my skin. One in particular. I need to rant.
I always start my rants with a little bit of a foundation. My family is rock solid. Recently we have had some discussions about adoption tax credits, and suddenly our six year old had a nightmare that he didn't have a family. As discouraging as that was, and it made for a long night, it also solidified to me....our kids are rock solid in their knowledge that we are a family and even little things like talking about adoption papers can shake that.
Now here is the rub.....kids hear adults talk about simple things like paperwork and they easily put a spin on it that something is "wrong" and a measure of doubt comes into their minds. Kids always personalize the negative, especially those things that pertain to them.
So if talking about something as impersonal as tax credits and adoption papers can mix up a little six year old's mind....imagine this scenario.
Standing with a group of adults while the kids are around us in their typical satellite sort of way and someone asks this question, "Are they brothers?"
I always give my scripted answer of, "Yes they are brothers, just not biologically related." The last time this scenario happened, the person actually kind of rolled their eyes at me.
Okay but maybe I should roll my eyes at you because you don't get the pleasure of going home and dealing with any aftershocks your curious question created that is none of your business.
Yes, I am irritated, and I am in a snarky mood this morning. But honestly, let's all agree that, just like biological families, adopted families come about in all kinds of shapes, forms and colors. It isn't necessary to know every mold every family came out of.
Especially if you're going to ask what may not seem like an earth shattering question to you.....rocks the world of kids. Imagine being a small kid and hearing two or three times a week, "Are they brothers?"
My kids are my kids. Protective mama came out this week. Hopefully we are on the back side of the moon phase.
Dec 13, 2011
Dec 11, 2011
Signals I Send Myself
So I told you about my weight loss for 2011. It has been a long and difficult journey that I have done too many times in my lifetime. I pray my psychology stays as good as it is now and I can continue this path.
So I want to make a huge goal for 2012. I want it to be as scary and tentative as I felt with my goal a year ago. Goals, by definition, suggest the high possibility of failure. And truthfully, let's agree, that is the hardest part, admitting failure.
Here is my goal. I want to run a half marathon by the end of 2012. There I said it in print and publicized it.
Why do I want to do this? Honestly, I don't have a big lightbulb kind of reason. I am not running to fund raise for a cure, or raise awareness, or become a tri-athlete. I am running because I recognize the journey of weight loss recovering my health doesn't just stop with a number on my Wii fitness scale. I recognize it needs to continue with continued health goals for myself that will continue to build on that number on the scale. So I asked myself what could I do that would truly stretch myself and yet be somewhere in the realm of achieve-able.
Plus just a wee bit crazy. This is crazy for me. I have never ever ever been a runner type. The times I have been in the best shape, I have been swimming or doing intense aerobics, with swimming being the best. Running, not on my radar by any stretch.
So as I reflect back to a year ago at this time, and get ready to try to do something else, I am reflective as to where I was a year ago, and here are my thoughts:
* I was the heaviest I have ever been in my life and hated it. I felt like I had tried every diet, and tried to focus on health, but truth be told, put some chips and warm parmesan dip in front of me, it was easy to ignore that I was eating too much.
* In terms of exercise, I do enjoy walking and I couldn't. When I would start walking the dog, I would get incredibly painful shin splints that made my calves burn. It was alarming and scary to me. When I started losing the weight and tried walking again, and there was no pain, I was able to easily see how overweight people become sedentary quickly. It scared me.
* I wasn't confident and I felt like hiding in a corner most of the time. If invited to a fun event, I would cringe at the thought of trying to find something to wear that would hide all I was trying to hide.
* I could barely walk up my stairs without being out of breath.
Those are the signals my body is sending me. I am loving it.
So I want to make a huge goal for 2012. I want it to be as scary and tentative as I felt with my goal a year ago. Goals, by definition, suggest the high possibility of failure. And truthfully, let's agree, that is the hardest part, admitting failure.
Here is my goal. I want to run a half marathon by the end of 2012. There I said it in print and publicized it.
Why do I want to do this? Honestly, I don't have a big lightbulb kind of reason. I am not running to fund raise for a cure, or raise awareness, or become a tri-athlete. I am running because I recognize the journey of weight loss recovering my health doesn't just stop with a number on my Wii fitness scale. I recognize it needs to continue with continued health goals for myself that will continue to build on that number on the scale. So I asked myself what could I do that would truly stretch myself and yet be somewhere in the realm of achieve-able.
Plus just a wee bit crazy. This is crazy for me. I have never ever ever been a runner type. The times I have been in the best shape, I have been swimming or doing intense aerobics, with swimming being the best. Running, not on my radar by any stretch.
So as I reflect back to a year ago at this time, and get ready to try to do something else, I am reflective as to where I was a year ago, and here are my thoughts:
* I was the heaviest I have ever been in my life and hated it. I felt like I had tried every diet, and tried to focus on health, but truth be told, put some chips and warm parmesan dip in front of me, it was easy to ignore that I was eating too much.
* In terms of exercise, I do enjoy walking and I couldn't. When I would start walking the dog, I would get incredibly painful shin splints that made my calves burn. It was alarming and scary to me. When I started losing the weight and tried walking again, and there was no pain, I was able to easily see how overweight people become sedentary quickly. It scared me.
* I wasn't confident and I felt like hiding in a corner most of the time. If invited to a fun event, I would cringe at the thought of trying to find something to wear that would hide all I was trying to hide.
* I could barely walk up my stairs without being out of breath.
* Physically I could feel those subtle signals of my body telling me this is getting to a scary place. The aches and pains, easily fatigued, numbness in my extremities, shortness of breath, burning in my legs, etc. I could ingore it and excuse it as aging or I could be honest with myself.
So I did, for the ten thousandth time, a simple calorie counting regime. I didn't look at long term goals at all .I looked to stay in my calorie goal for a day. Then another, and another. Then a week. I gave myself the teaser that if I did it for a month, I could weigh myself. Yep, weight came off. I fully believe that to be successful at weight loss you need to see measurable results the first time you measure. So don't measure on the first day and don't measure after messing up and eating a bad meal. Measure when you know you've had a month of day to day success then do it. That is your motivator. Now do that again in a month.
So what am I specifically looking for in my training for a half marathon. Here they are:
* I don't want to have to kill myself. That is why I am giving myself a year. If you look around for half marathon preparations, you can do it quickly in a few months and also run the risk of injury and for me, honestly, burn out. I only have so much time to dedicate to this.
* I want to see the last 10-15 pounds come off and go down one more size.
* I want this to lead to a lifestyle of some kind of weekly workout three times a week. If I get tired of running, I will switch to something else.
* I want to be able to show my kids how to set a goal and do it. I have done that with the weight loss, so now we keep going and do more. Tonight as I was putting on my running shoes, my six year commented, "Mom! You can really see you've lost weight!" They need to see me make good choices, and how to set goals and achieve them.
* This is also a kind of "Bucket List" thing. I want to be able to say I did this cool thing, even if only once, I think that is cool. However, if I like it, honestly, next year, let's do the full deal and run a marathon. Just a thought.
So as I write this, I took a baby step tonight. I realize it's not even Christmas yet, and I should just enjoy the cookies and fudge. Trust me, I am having a bite or two here and there, but the thought of undoing all the weight loss hard work is just an awful thought to me. So tonight, I put on a pair of running shoes, running pants, my stainless steel athletic bra, and went on my usual 2 mile walk with the dog. As I was walking, some of the literature I have been reading to get started has you running and walking in intervals. So I tried it. I completely surprised myself, I did about half of my 2 mile walk at a run. Why is that so shocking to me? There is no way on this green earth that could have happened a year ago, and here I am running and it feels good! I almost stopped and cried. I am now hooked. I am looking to do that three times a week until I can comfortably do the full two miles at a run. Then we'll start talking about 10K training, which is basically about a half of a half marathon. Remember, steps. I need to see some kind of achievable steps in a month, just like last year.
And the weight loss? My goal right now, maintain through the holidays. That gives me permission to have a few treats and be realistic. However, come January 1, the calories are getting counted and we are on full committment three times a week, walk/run intervals until we are up to two miles three times a week. I am looking at the end of February being able to do that.
Nov 11, 2011
The Sacrifices For What I Have
Because soldiers in US wars set aside time in their lives to fight for freedom and suffered, I have a lot of freedoms. They may have been permanently injured physically or psychologically. They may have lost the loyalty of a lover at home, or the chance at a college scholarship, or high school graduation. US soldiers are laying in unmarked graves on foreign soil right now, so that I could enjoy the comforts I have right now. Missing soldiers are places where truly only God knows where they are, because that soldier read their history books and decided having a free republic was worth the sacrifice.
I am so ever thankful, my simple words on a website cannot express.
Here are the things I have because a soldier sacrificed:
As an American woman, I own a business, make profit, and can live independently. In a lot of other countries, I would be a criminal.
I have adopted children from a different race. In the United States only in the last few hundred years, those same children were considered property, not family members. Thank you to our soldiers.
I own property. One of the biggest signals of a free society, and one of many reasons a rag tag bunch of people hopped on a boat and came to America, only to find themselves fighting the best army in the world to keep that right during the Revolution.....was property ownership. Own it, and be proud, and don't ever let it go. Ever. Blood was shed on that soil for the right to own it.
I have the right to bear arms. Another signal of a free country, the right of the citizenry to defend themselves not only from foreign enemies, but those from within. Remember, possession is 90% of the law. Once you let that right go, you may never get it back. Again, thousands of soldiers took up arms, defended that right, and died so you could have that right. I am thankful.
I have the right to walk our streets and show my face. In other countries where our soldiers are fighting right now, women are punished harshly for that. Just yesterday a woman and her daughter were stoned to death in the Middle East for such a silly offense. To my military, I am thankful.
I have the right to earn a paycheck, and do whatever the heck I want to with it.
I have the right to say what I want to say. I understand this is a privilege and with it comes responsibility. I won't walk down the street yelling things that push people's buttons and inflame them like what I am seeing in the news these days. God also has given me the marching orders to consider my words wisely and speak with discernment. However, I can speak those words without suffering any kind of reprisals from my government, and I thank our soldiers for that right.
I am thankful that our military is the best of the best. I have been unique places and seen unique things in my life that only the daughter of a military man could see. I realize as a grown woman now, those things I saw as a child.....all children should see. There is a missing link in our culture today. I appreciate, love and honor our military and country because I saw things firsthand and understood the cost of freedom from when I was a toddler. Everyone needs that missing link. Our country's military would be an even better military if everyone saw the things I saw. Our government would be a better government if they saw the things I saw.
But they didn't. I did. I know all of our soldiers past, present and future wish we had. I appreciate you I hurt for you and your lifetime of hurts you have ahead of you because of your service. In this woman's heart and mind, I appreciate all you have done.
Thank you. Enjoy your Veterans Day. You have earned it.
I am so ever thankful, my simple words on a website cannot express.
Here are the things I have because a soldier sacrificed:
As an American woman, I own a business, make profit, and can live independently. In a lot of other countries, I would be a criminal.
I have adopted children from a different race. In the United States only in the last few hundred years, those same children were considered property, not family members. Thank you to our soldiers.
I own property. One of the biggest signals of a free society, and one of many reasons a rag tag bunch of people hopped on a boat and came to America, only to find themselves fighting the best army in the world to keep that right during the Revolution.....was property ownership. Own it, and be proud, and don't ever let it go. Ever. Blood was shed on that soil for the right to own it.
I have the right to bear arms. Another signal of a free country, the right of the citizenry to defend themselves not only from foreign enemies, but those from within. Remember, possession is 90% of the law. Once you let that right go, you may never get it back. Again, thousands of soldiers took up arms, defended that right, and died so you could have that right. I am thankful.
I have the right to walk our streets and show my face. In other countries where our soldiers are fighting right now, women are punished harshly for that. Just yesterday a woman and her daughter were stoned to death in the Middle East for such a silly offense. To my military, I am thankful.
I have the right to earn a paycheck, and do whatever the heck I want to with it.
I have the right to say what I want to say. I understand this is a privilege and with it comes responsibility. I won't walk down the street yelling things that push people's buttons and inflame them like what I am seeing in the news these days. God also has given me the marching orders to consider my words wisely and speak with discernment. However, I can speak those words without suffering any kind of reprisals from my government, and I thank our soldiers for that right.
I am thankful that our military is the best of the best. I have been unique places and seen unique things in my life that only the daughter of a military man could see. I realize as a grown woman now, those things I saw as a child.....all children should see. There is a missing link in our culture today. I appreciate, love and honor our military and country because I saw things firsthand and understood the cost of freedom from when I was a toddler. Everyone needs that missing link. Our country's military would be an even better military if everyone saw the things I saw. Our government would be a better government if they saw the things I saw.
But they didn't. I did. I know all of our soldiers past, present and future wish we had. I appreciate you I hurt for you and your lifetime of hurts you have ahead of you because of your service. In this woman's heart and mind, I appreciate all you have done.
Thank you. Enjoy your Veterans Day. You have earned it.
Oct 22, 2011
My Latest Distraction
Couple of things have happened in my two year blogging hiatus. In the summer of 2010, I earned a free Ipad from my company. Last year for Christmas, I gave my husband a Kindle. If you haven't gotten on the bandwagon of ereaders, you will soon.
Were you a person who two years ago said, "I'll never get a Facebook account!" Now you have one, and over 200 friends? I am warning you before you give me the whole "I don't like ereaders because they don't have that book smell."
Here are my thoughts on ereaders and books.
1) Ereaders are the future of books. Period. You can fight me all you want on this, but it's not up to me to decide this fact. One example. Borders Bookstores that just shut down. Of all the book outlets, Borders didn't come out with an ereader and depended upon hardcopy books for their main source of revenue. Didn't happen. They also fell way behind on online book orders, but those of us who used to buy books online jumped to the ereader market probably before others. We were ripe for ereaders.
2) Ereaders open up the market for new authors, in a great way! I am actually considering writing a book and publishing it through ebooks. Never would have happened a few years ago. Who wants to go through the popularity contest of submitting book ideas to publishers?
3) I can carry in one lightweight (Ipad isn't so lighweight) device thousands of books. I don't need a book bag of books.
4) The technology for ereaders is jumping exponentially. The leader is ereaders has been the Amazon Kindle. However, take a look at Barnes and Noble's Nook. It's kinda snazzy and has a lot more bells and whistles. Oh but wait, be sure to go back and look at Amazon's Fire. That thing is basically an Ipad/Ereader, for half the price of an Ipad. I am not kidding. Just in about two years time, just like a lot of innovation (unfettered by government regulations, to get my political plug in there) once the market likes the idea, the ideas take off and it becomes 1) more accessible 2) less expensive.
The "extras" in the ereaders now include checking books out from local libraries, watching videos through places like Netflix, access to newspapers and magazines, free ebooks from up and coming authors, Vooks (books with video/multimedia extras), computing/laptop capabilities, built in wifi, and more. The "top of the line" Kindle I bought for my husband last year downloads books. Period. In just a year. I am impressed.
So here is another shift in the conversation. Last year at this time, I was talking to a couple who have been good friends for about 20 years, and he is a scholar. I was talking about how much I was loving getting books on my ereader for half the price of what they would cost in hardcopy and how much I loved reading free or really cheap ($1) ebooks from up and coming authors. And I got the answer I get every time from most friends, "I like my hard copy books. I like to smell the paper and have pages in my hand." This same couple is looking at buying a Kindle sometime here soon as they sit and ponder their choices, which are much more now than a year ago.
Cost effectiveness? Well, a basic ereader is about $150 from the big providers. Have you priced hardcover books lately? $30+ a pop. Have you priced technical books or hard-to-find books lately? Triple that. Have you priced paperbacks lately? No joke, $10. So let's say you buy two hard backs and ten paperbacks in a year, that is $130. So it's a wash. However, ebooks are continuing to come down in price, plus ALL classic books are free. So if you want your kids to read "Gulliver's Travels", "Scarlet Letter", or others, no more purchasing those. Count that savings. Plus, cut that $130 in half the following year if you continue to purchase the same way. Again, ereaders are usually at least half the price. Plus, if you're like me, you'll find avenues for finding free books, and you won't be spending as much on those luxury paperbacks as you used to.
Okay let's be practical. How many here have bookcases and bookcases full of books that you haven't touched in years but you're somehow emotionally bonded to your books.......but you could really use the space. I know, I know. Watch the show "Hoarders", take a cleansing breath, and donate those that are classics that you can get for free with your ereader. You now have over half your shelf space back now.
Now, link yourself to a discount ereader website. Just do a quick google search for those. Those sites tend to post anywhere from 5 to 10 free or super cheap ebooks a day. I have gotten hundreds of simple fiction books that way. However, I have gotten some great biographies, technical, investing, educational, and young readers books that way too. Again, I am now not buying and using up space in my teensy house for tons of books. Let's be honest, especially those young readers series books that the kids love, we love that they are reading, but oh my word, take up half their bedrooms.
Wait, Candlemom! I don't want to buy an ereader. It's ain't in the budget. Okay, so use one of your gadgets. Laptop, Ipad, Ipod, smartphone, etc.....go to amazon.com and download their free app. You can now use your gadget as an ereader for free and have all the perks I described above without the investment. You can also test drive how you feel about ereaders before deciding to put in the investment. I am going to warn you, reading a book on a smartphone will hurt your eyes. However, it will save your sanity if you are stuck somewhere with nothing to do.
So, there you go. I like ereaders. I like the innovation. I like the access of cool books. I want a Kindle Fire but can't justify the cost since we have a Kindle and an Ipad, but I still want it.
Happy reading!
Were you a person who two years ago said, "I'll never get a Facebook account!" Now you have one, and over 200 friends? I am warning you before you give me the whole "I don't like ereaders because they don't have that book smell."
Here are my thoughts on ereaders and books.
1) Ereaders are the future of books. Period. You can fight me all you want on this, but it's not up to me to decide this fact. One example. Borders Bookstores that just shut down. Of all the book outlets, Borders didn't come out with an ereader and depended upon hardcopy books for their main source of revenue. Didn't happen. They also fell way behind on online book orders, but those of us who used to buy books online jumped to the ereader market probably before others. We were ripe for ereaders.
2) Ereaders open up the market for new authors, in a great way! I am actually considering writing a book and publishing it through ebooks. Never would have happened a few years ago. Who wants to go through the popularity contest of submitting book ideas to publishers?
3) I can carry in one lightweight (Ipad isn't so lighweight) device thousands of books. I don't need a book bag of books.
4) The technology for ereaders is jumping exponentially. The leader is ereaders has been the Amazon Kindle. However, take a look at Barnes and Noble's Nook. It's kinda snazzy and has a lot more bells and whistles. Oh but wait, be sure to go back and look at Amazon's Fire. That thing is basically an Ipad/Ereader, for half the price of an Ipad. I am not kidding. Just in about two years time, just like a lot of innovation (unfettered by government regulations, to get my political plug in there) once the market likes the idea, the ideas take off and it becomes 1) more accessible 2) less expensive.
The "extras" in the ereaders now include checking books out from local libraries, watching videos through places like Netflix, access to newspapers and magazines, free ebooks from up and coming authors, Vooks (books with video/multimedia extras), computing/laptop capabilities, built in wifi, and more. The "top of the line" Kindle I bought for my husband last year downloads books. Period. In just a year. I am impressed.
So here is another shift in the conversation. Last year at this time, I was talking to a couple who have been good friends for about 20 years, and he is a scholar. I was talking about how much I was loving getting books on my ereader for half the price of what they would cost in hardcopy and how much I loved reading free or really cheap ($1) ebooks from up and coming authors. And I got the answer I get every time from most friends, "I like my hard copy books. I like to smell the paper and have pages in my hand." This same couple is looking at buying a Kindle sometime here soon as they sit and ponder their choices, which are much more now than a year ago.
Cost effectiveness? Well, a basic ereader is about $150 from the big providers. Have you priced hardcover books lately? $30+ a pop. Have you priced technical books or hard-to-find books lately? Triple that. Have you priced paperbacks lately? No joke, $10. So let's say you buy two hard backs and ten paperbacks in a year, that is $130. So it's a wash. However, ebooks are continuing to come down in price, plus ALL classic books are free. So if you want your kids to read "Gulliver's Travels", "Scarlet Letter", or others, no more purchasing those. Count that savings. Plus, cut that $130 in half the following year if you continue to purchase the same way. Again, ereaders are usually at least half the price. Plus, if you're like me, you'll find avenues for finding free books, and you won't be spending as much on those luxury paperbacks as you used to.
Okay let's be practical. How many here have bookcases and bookcases full of books that you haven't touched in years but you're somehow emotionally bonded to your books.......but you could really use the space. I know, I know. Watch the show "Hoarders", take a cleansing breath, and donate those that are classics that you can get for free with your ereader. You now have over half your shelf space back now.
Now, link yourself to a discount ereader website. Just do a quick google search for those. Those sites tend to post anywhere from 5 to 10 free or super cheap ebooks a day. I have gotten hundreds of simple fiction books that way. However, I have gotten some great biographies, technical, investing, educational, and young readers books that way too. Again, I am now not buying and using up space in my teensy house for tons of books. Let's be honest, especially those young readers series books that the kids love, we love that they are reading, but oh my word, take up half their bedrooms.
Wait, Candlemom! I don't want to buy an ereader. It's ain't in the budget. Okay, so use one of your gadgets. Laptop, Ipad, Ipod, smartphone, etc.....go to amazon.com and download their free app. You can now use your gadget as an ereader for free and have all the perks I described above without the investment. You can also test drive how you feel about ereaders before deciding to put in the investment. I am going to warn you, reading a book on a smartphone will hurt your eyes. However, it will save your sanity if you are stuck somewhere with nothing to do.
So, there you go. I like ereaders. I like the innovation. I like the access of cool books. I want a Kindle Fire but can't justify the cost since we have a Kindle and an Ipad, but I still want it.
Happy reading!
Oct 18, 2011
A Day In The Mind of a 40 Something Woman
I am trying to get back to blogging. I am. I love to write and I love observing the quirks of life and bringing them to life. And yet, life has left little time for me this year to stop and observe. However, I am finding myself saying to myself, "Hmmmm.....interesting, I need to think about that......" a few too many times. I need to write again. My fingers are itching.
So what is the itch right now? My weight. I am the typical woman who is battle weary from fighting with my weight, which I have fought all my life. Since about 2009, I have hit my highest weight ever in my life, and could really feel it internally. Both physically and psychologically. And yet, this time, I hit the point where the idea of losing the kind of weight I needed to lose seemed insurmountable. Bottom line, since January 1 of this year, I have almost climbed that Everest. And let's just summarize my year of weight loss. Yuck. Losing weight stinks. The rewards are high but the journey stinks, especially if you've had to repeat the stinky journey numerous times over your lifetime.
So what is my reflection? The spectrum of attention one receives at various sizes in one's life. Here are my observations.
When I am heavy, no one compliments me on hardly anything. I find that I have to work exceptionally harder at all I do to receive recognition. That includes work, home life, volunteering, etc. The things I get recognized are definitely accomplishments well earned. I will be honest, I prefer this kind of recognition and will go out of my way to earn it. And this won't be the first time I will be brutally honest in this post, I have been really picking this aspect of this journey apart this time around. I don't want to do this again. I also make no illusions that I have all the answers to this weird journey.
Here comes the complicated part that I am still trying to figure out, and remember I have been down this journey before. The only difference this time, I am doing this journey as a 40 something woman that is also fighting the natural aging process that makes the "bouncing back" aspect of weight loss harder and let's be honest, the "after" photo isn't as fabulous.
So I know that I am attractive to men when I am thin. Most of the time I don't care. There is all kind of baggage in this area for me. I spent most of my childhood and teen years being told daily I was fat and ugly. On this lap of the journey, those memories are coming back more keenly than ever before, and the hurt from them are making me cranky.
Interesting thing happened last summer. I had the opportunity to gently confront a middle school bully. I was gentle but firm. His constant teasing/belittling/bullying had exceptional teeth to it. So via email I let him know. His first response was an "Oh well, I was bullied too." I came back to that with a "I was bullied and never bullied others. Cop out. Try again." He apologized. I accepted. I think I bullied him into an apology, but I am okay with that. I think my motives were much more pure than his were 30 years ago.
So here is the interesting thing that always starts to happen at this end of the journey. The chatty conversations from men who are complete strangers. It doesn't happen whatsoever at the heavy side of the journey. It happens at the skinny side. It also is a rough adjustment when you have felt ugly and gross for awhile to suddenly have an onslaught of perky stranger conversations. It is logical to conclude these men, from every different walk of life, are acting like God wired them. However, it is a hard pill to swallow as the woman who has changed nothing about herself except her waist size. I am still the hard working, smart, successful, mom, wife, volunteer who worked hard for recognition on the heavy side of the journey. I might have been a little more out of breath upon arrival to the party, but nothing has changed.
So last week, my youngest took his first gymnastics class. The class lasted for over an hour. The dad sitting two chairs away from me, chatted the entire time to me only. Okay, I understand a quick introduction and cursory details, but when someone is holding up their Kindle like a fortress in an attempt to seem busy.....it's nuts. I can guarantee that would not have happened a year ago. These situations give me the heebie jeebies, and I have no idea how to tell you why except to say I know these strangers only know me by my looks, are judging me by my looks, and responding. I don't like being judged by my looks alone. Of all people, I know this about myself.....my looks can change drastically, and just because this season they are pleasing, just wait until after the holidays and I have eaten 12,000 calories. He may not be so chatty then. That is what annoys me the most probably, knowing it's strictly the looks......yet underneath the waistline, I know I am an accomplished person but because of the exterior, those accomplishments could easily be dismissed and not noticed. Stop a second and reread that statement. All genders should be a little frightened by the inherent truth in it.
I also am finding on this particular journey, as the weight painstakingly has come off.....the opportunities have increased. I have been offered more chances this year to step into leadership roles, writing, speaking, meeting with amazing people, etc. Yet, a year ago, I was running for office and really sticking my neck out there and hustling for the opportunities that are falling in my lap right now. How odd......I also don't think coincidental.
Or here is another one. I was at a meeting last night where I met someone who I had met last spring and I said, "I am not sure you remember me....." This gentleman said, "Of course I do, I always remember an attractive woman." I have to say, I blushed like a silly school girl! What is the difference? I have no idea. Remember I started this post saying I would be honest and I don't have the answers. I will say this, the person is a local political celebrity, and I have immense respect for him. So I think because he 1) remembers me and 2) complimented me, did it. But again, he doesn't know me, so it was the God wired man reaction I realize, but it was a nice one liner, not the gymnastics class 90 minute chat marathon.
Men, sorry. I am being picky. How do you compliment a woman who has lost weight without sending her into therapy? If you know her, and have watched the weight loss, you will make her day if you say, "You look great!" if you don't know her well, but notice her, same statement makes her day. Not sure what I can tell you on the long chatty conversations. She may have been a size six her whole life and doesn't care. Or she may be like most of us, and have experienced some part of the journey where we know you will only have that chat if we look a certain way.....then you might just want to keep it short, especially if the Kindle logo is right in your line of sight.
What do I enjoy at this end of the journey? I enjoy when someone I know, who has known me thick and thin, gives the simple statement, "You look great!" Why? Because that person also compliments me on the other end of the journey on my other more important accomplishments. Those accomplishments that have lasting effects, life on this earth after I am gone, and eternal results. Me losing weight, while is good in the whole scheme of my health, longevity and keeping in working order the vessel God put me in....let's be honest, has no longevity in the lives of the humans I interact with.
Seeing the light at the end of the journey.....
So what is the itch right now? My weight. I am the typical woman who is battle weary from fighting with my weight, which I have fought all my life. Since about 2009, I have hit my highest weight ever in my life, and could really feel it internally. Both physically and psychologically. And yet, this time, I hit the point where the idea of losing the kind of weight I needed to lose seemed insurmountable. Bottom line, since January 1 of this year, I have almost climbed that Everest. And let's just summarize my year of weight loss. Yuck. Losing weight stinks. The rewards are high but the journey stinks, especially if you've had to repeat the stinky journey numerous times over your lifetime.
So what is my reflection? The spectrum of attention one receives at various sizes in one's life. Here are my observations.
When I am heavy, no one compliments me on hardly anything. I find that I have to work exceptionally harder at all I do to receive recognition. That includes work, home life, volunteering, etc. The things I get recognized are definitely accomplishments well earned. I will be honest, I prefer this kind of recognition and will go out of my way to earn it. And this won't be the first time I will be brutally honest in this post, I have been really picking this aspect of this journey apart this time around. I don't want to do this again. I also make no illusions that I have all the answers to this weird journey.
Here comes the complicated part that I am still trying to figure out, and remember I have been down this journey before. The only difference this time, I am doing this journey as a 40 something woman that is also fighting the natural aging process that makes the "bouncing back" aspect of weight loss harder and let's be honest, the "after" photo isn't as fabulous.
So I know that I am attractive to men when I am thin. Most of the time I don't care. There is all kind of baggage in this area for me. I spent most of my childhood and teen years being told daily I was fat and ugly. On this lap of the journey, those memories are coming back more keenly than ever before, and the hurt from them are making me cranky.
Interesting thing happened last summer. I had the opportunity to gently confront a middle school bully. I was gentle but firm. His constant teasing/belittling/bullying had exceptional teeth to it. So via email I let him know. His first response was an "Oh well, I was bullied too." I came back to that with a "I was bullied and never bullied others. Cop out. Try again." He apologized. I accepted. I think I bullied him into an apology, but I am okay with that. I think my motives were much more pure than his were 30 years ago.
So here is the interesting thing that always starts to happen at this end of the journey. The chatty conversations from men who are complete strangers. It doesn't happen whatsoever at the heavy side of the journey. It happens at the skinny side. It also is a rough adjustment when you have felt ugly and gross for awhile to suddenly have an onslaught of perky stranger conversations. It is logical to conclude these men, from every different walk of life, are acting like God wired them. However, it is a hard pill to swallow as the woman who has changed nothing about herself except her waist size. I am still the hard working, smart, successful, mom, wife, volunteer who worked hard for recognition on the heavy side of the journey. I might have been a little more out of breath upon arrival to the party, but nothing has changed.
So last week, my youngest took his first gymnastics class. The class lasted for over an hour. The dad sitting two chairs away from me, chatted the entire time to me only. Okay, I understand a quick introduction and cursory details, but when someone is holding up their Kindle like a fortress in an attempt to seem busy.....it's nuts. I can guarantee that would not have happened a year ago. These situations give me the heebie jeebies, and I have no idea how to tell you why except to say I know these strangers only know me by my looks, are judging me by my looks, and responding. I don't like being judged by my looks alone. Of all people, I know this about myself.....my looks can change drastically, and just because this season they are pleasing, just wait until after the holidays and I have eaten 12,000 calories. He may not be so chatty then. That is what annoys me the most probably, knowing it's strictly the looks......yet underneath the waistline, I know I am an accomplished person but because of the exterior, those accomplishments could easily be dismissed and not noticed. Stop a second and reread that statement. All genders should be a little frightened by the inherent truth in it.
I also am finding on this particular journey, as the weight painstakingly has come off.....the opportunities have increased. I have been offered more chances this year to step into leadership roles, writing, speaking, meeting with amazing people, etc. Yet, a year ago, I was running for office and really sticking my neck out there and hustling for the opportunities that are falling in my lap right now. How odd......I also don't think coincidental.
Or here is another one. I was at a meeting last night where I met someone who I had met last spring and I said, "I am not sure you remember me....." This gentleman said, "Of course I do, I always remember an attractive woman." I have to say, I blushed like a silly school girl! What is the difference? I have no idea. Remember I started this post saying I would be honest and I don't have the answers. I will say this, the person is a local political celebrity, and I have immense respect for him. So I think because he 1) remembers me and 2) complimented me, did it. But again, he doesn't know me, so it was the God wired man reaction I realize, but it was a nice one liner, not the gymnastics class 90 minute chat marathon.
Men, sorry. I am being picky. How do you compliment a woman who has lost weight without sending her into therapy? If you know her, and have watched the weight loss, you will make her day if you say, "You look great!" if you don't know her well, but notice her, same statement makes her day. Not sure what I can tell you on the long chatty conversations. She may have been a size six her whole life and doesn't care. Or she may be like most of us, and have experienced some part of the journey where we know you will only have that chat if we look a certain way.....then you might just want to keep it short, especially if the Kindle logo is right in your line of sight.
What do I enjoy at this end of the journey? I enjoy when someone I know, who has known me thick and thin, gives the simple statement, "You look great!" Why? Because that person also compliments me on the other end of the journey on my other more important accomplishments. Those accomplishments that have lasting effects, life on this earth after I am gone, and eternal results. Me losing weight, while is good in the whole scheme of my health, longevity and keeping in working order the vessel God put me in....let's be honest, has no longevity in the lives of the humans I interact with.
Seeing the light at the end of the journey.....
Feb 6, 2011
Learning Coach to All
I am working on my, can you believe it....third year as my kids' Learning Coach. What is that? Well since we are not traditional homeschoolers, as the parent, I am given the title of Learning Coach. I am given the curriculum, teacher's guide and a schedule for my kids to follow for their daily school. I am told almost word for word what to say and how to teach them. I know, it sounds like a lot of hand holding, but since I have no teaching experience to draw from, I find it quite helpful. I also have a real teacher in the wings who I rely on to help me, guide me, do hard stuff, test, etc.
But I have been doing this now for almost three years. I have coached kindergarten, 2nd, 3rd. and 4th grade. I get it. It's not just what I am told anymore, instructing children has become much more intuitive to me and my confidence and "little voice in my head" is a lot more clear. I know how to sit down and get a kindergartner/1st grader to sound out words and make it fun. I know how to quiz a 3rd grader on math facts and get them in their head.
I am realizing more and more, as we watch our public schools kind of fall to pieces around us, we all need these skills. Let me give you two stories of what has happened to me in the last three days where I put those skills to work and got instant results.
First. Friday night I am at a candle party for a gal I have done several candle parties for over the last four or five years. We always connect because her son and my youngest son are within just a few weeks of each other in age and have the same name. After that, we don't have much in common. She is a single mom, living on section 8 housing, no car, food stamps, etc. I am amazed how her outlook is so positive and I wonder why she doesn't do anything with her outlook, but that is me.
Anyway, I walk into her itsy bitsy apartment Friday evening and she is talking to her sister about her son. They are pouring over sheets of paper and are perplexed at "what the teacher wants" and I hear that her son's teacher wants to hold him back a year. In my head I hear that voice say, "It's only February and the teacher is already looking to hold him back?" She asks me to look over the papers and see what they are for.
Well, what I can see, they are things to work on at home for her kindergartner, yet there is little instruction for the parents. A lot of pages with only graphics and nothing else. So is the kid supposed to color them, write letters, identify, circle certain ones.....have no idea. I find a calendar for February that shows some daily words that include "sight words". Sight words are those words like the, or, go, on, at, etc that we just look at and recognize. There are a ton of sight words.
I explain to my friend two things. First, she simply needs to go to the teacher and ask point blank, "What exactly do you want us to do with these pages that have graphics and nothing else?" My friend gets a little nervous and says, "Well, would she get mad at me for asking?" This is where my self sufficient hackles rear up. I ask her, "Who's kid is this? Yours or hers? You're not a parent of a kindergartner to make friends. You're a parent of a kindergartner to get your kid educated. If she is offended, then the teacher needs to grow some skin." I gave her a bit of a pep talk.
Second, I asked her little cute boy over to me and asked him, "What sound does 'g' make?" He didn't know, so I told him and made him copy the sound with me. Next I asked, "What sound does 'o' make?" He didn't know, so I told him and made him say it with me. Next I told him to run (officially, called "blending") the sounds together and we made the word "go". I ran my finger along the word so he would blend them as we came to the letter. Next I told him he needed to remember this word and showed him what it looked like written out. We also did the word "off". I told him I would ask him again in a few minutes. Over and over and over again that evening I asked showed him the words and asked him what they were. At first he didn't remember, I reminded him he needs to remember, and by the end of the evening he could look at both words and instantly say them. He thought it was pretty funny that I wrote them on the palm of my hand and would just open up my palm, show them, and ask. So I wrote them on his palm and told him he needed to remember them too. He got such a kick out of writing the words on his palm both his mom and I thought it could be a fun game to do that.
So I was able to show a kindergartner how to sound out a few words but more importantly, I showed his mom how simple it was to sound out and blend sounds for early reading. Just think, if we could all work with a young five year old at risk like this kid, we would change the course of education!
The next thing that happened this week was with a young sixth grader at our church. We'll call her J. She is a young girl at risk big time! She is in the custody of her mother, however, she has been in a foster home situation with a family in our church. It is has been a crazy and chaotic childhood this girl has had. She's been bounced around a lot and will quickly tell you "Oh, I missed fourth grade math." I scream in my head when I hear her say this, "Well, then why in the heck are you in the sixth??"
So things at her home get a little shaky and it's been awhile since we've seen J at church, and we wondered if we might never see her again. I have her cell number and have thought about calling her in recent weeks. Yet there she was at church today!
Today after church I always ask how school is going. She doesn't like it. She feels picked on by her teachers (what 12 year old girl doesn't feel picked on by teachers?) She feels like they make fun of her for her grades. I started asking questions. This is what I got. Her school is in a part of town where her rough childhood story just falls into a bucket of rough childhood stories. All the kids at her school are at risk, and the classroom sizes are huge. She turns in an assignment, gets it handed back to her with a bad grade on it and she doesn't know what to do after that. I also got out of her that she struggles the most with math and she doesn't know her math tables. Learning Coach Me jumped into action.
I gave J two assignments for this week, and I am going to ask her about it next Sunday. If she isn't in church I'll call her. First, the next time she gets a grade less than 70% on an assignment, I want her to respectfully go to her teacher and ask, "Can you help me to understand what I missed and didn't get on this so I can do better next time? Can I do anything to make this up?" I explained to her that by asking that, it will show her teacher she cares about her grades and teachers tend to gravitate toward those kinds of students.
Next, I asked her a couple of simple math fact questions. "J, what is 4 times 5?" "What is 3 times 6?" She couldnt' shoot the answer right back to me and she had to stop and do the successive adding to get it. I explained to her she needed to have those down pat in fourth grade. She immediately came by with her standard answer, "I missed fourth grade, remember?" J is great on putting that off as something done to her therefore she can't help herself. I then asked her, "Who can change that now?" Also I pointed out that no one is going to reteach it to her, ever. It is assumed by the end of fourth grade, a student knows their multiplication facts. I gave her another assignment. "J, I want you to go home and write out all of your multiplication six facts. Then I want you to memorize them. I am going to ask you what they are next week, and again I'll call you if I need to." I plan to have a little somethin' somethin' for her if she completes this task. Also, I will give her a bigger somethin' somethin' if she gets all of them memorized soon.
What is hilarious? She then said "Well maybe I'll screen your call" thinking she was so cute. I got serious and said, "That hurts no one but you. It's no skin off my nose, I know my math facts. I am doing this to help you." Interesting look on her face after that.
The better lesson learned here? My oldest son watching me engage with J. My oldest son who fights tooth and nail over doing math, yet does it well because I won't let him not do his work. I know he needs me to be on him like a bad rash and I know these are the consequences if he doesn't have these basic building blocks to his education.
Yet, am I a certified teacher? No. Am I a fabulous educator who knows everything about curriculum and learning tools? No. I hate to say it, and I had a skirmish with someone over this very issue a few weeks ago, no one needs to have a special certificate on their wall, have a certain certification, or a whole lot of student loan debt to be a "teacher" of basic skills. I am a mom who knows the consequences for these two kids if they don't have these simple skills in their school repetoire. Please take a moment and do it with these kinds of kids if you ever get to meet them like I did this week.
But I have been doing this now for almost three years. I have coached kindergarten, 2nd, 3rd. and 4th grade. I get it. It's not just what I am told anymore, instructing children has become much more intuitive to me and my confidence and "little voice in my head" is a lot more clear. I know how to sit down and get a kindergartner/1st grader to sound out words and make it fun. I know how to quiz a 3rd grader on math facts and get them in their head.
I am realizing more and more, as we watch our public schools kind of fall to pieces around us, we all need these skills. Let me give you two stories of what has happened to me in the last three days where I put those skills to work and got instant results.
First. Friday night I am at a candle party for a gal I have done several candle parties for over the last four or five years. We always connect because her son and my youngest son are within just a few weeks of each other in age and have the same name. After that, we don't have much in common. She is a single mom, living on section 8 housing, no car, food stamps, etc. I am amazed how her outlook is so positive and I wonder why she doesn't do anything with her outlook, but that is me.
Anyway, I walk into her itsy bitsy apartment Friday evening and she is talking to her sister about her son. They are pouring over sheets of paper and are perplexed at "what the teacher wants" and I hear that her son's teacher wants to hold him back a year. In my head I hear that voice say, "It's only February and the teacher is already looking to hold him back?" She asks me to look over the papers and see what they are for.
Well, what I can see, they are things to work on at home for her kindergartner, yet there is little instruction for the parents. A lot of pages with only graphics and nothing else. So is the kid supposed to color them, write letters, identify, circle certain ones.....have no idea. I find a calendar for February that shows some daily words that include "sight words". Sight words are those words like the, or, go, on, at, etc that we just look at and recognize. There are a ton of sight words.
I explain to my friend two things. First, she simply needs to go to the teacher and ask point blank, "What exactly do you want us to do with these pages that have graphics and nothing else?" My friend gets a little nervous and says, "Well, would she get mad at me for asking?" This is where my self sufficient hackles rear up. I ask her, "Who's kid is this? Yours or hers? You're not a parent of a kindergartner to make friends. You're a parent of a kindergartner to get your kid educated. If she is offended, then the teacher needs to grow some skin." I gave her a bit of a pep talk.
Second, I asked her little cute boy over to me and asked him, "What sound does 'g' make?" He didn't know, so I told him and made him copy the sound with me. Next I asked, "What sound does 'o' make?" He didn't know, so I told him and made him say it with me. Next I told him to run (officially, called "blending") the sounds together and we made the word "go". I ran my finger along the word so he would blend them as we came to the letter. Next I told him he needed to remember this word and showed him what it looked like written out. We also did the word "off". I told him I would ask him again in a few minutes. Over and over and over again that evening I asked showed him the words and asked him what they were. At first he didn't remember, I reminded him he needs to remember, and by the end of the evening he could look at both words and instantly say them. He thought it was pretty funny that I wrote them on the palm of my hand and would just open up my palm, show them, and ask. So I wrote them on his palm and told him he needed to remember them too. He got such a kick out of writing the words on his palm both his mom and I thought it could be a fun game to do that.
So I was able to show a kindergartner how to sound out a few words but more importantly, I showed his mom how simple it was to sound out and blend sounds for early reading. Just think, if we could all work with a young five year old at risk like this kid, we would change the course of education!
The next thing that happened this week was with a young sixth grader at our church. We'll call her J. She is a young girl at risk big time! She is in the custody of her mother, however, she has been in a foster home situation with a family in our church. It is has been a crazy and chaotic childhood this girl has had. She's been bounced around a lot and will quickly tell you "Oh, I missed fourth grade math." I scream in my head when I hear her say this, "Well, then why in the heck are you in the sixth??"
So things at her home get a little shaky and it's been awhile since we've seen J at church, and we wondered if we might never see her again. I have her cell number and have thought about calling her in recent weeks. Yet there she was at church today!
Today after church I always ask how school is going. She doesn't like it. She feels picked on by her teachers (what 12 year old girl doesn't feel picked on by teachers?) She feels like they make fun of her for her grades. I started asking questions. This is what I got. Her school is in a part of town where her rough childhood story just falls into a bucket of rough childhood stories. All the kids at her school are at risk, and the classroom sizes are huge. She turns in an assignment, gets it handed back to her with a bad grade on it and she doesn't know what to do after that. I also got out of her that she struggles the most with math and she doesn't know her math tables. Learning Coach Me jumped into action.
I gave J two assignments for this week, and I am going to ask her about it next Sunday. If she isn't in church I'll call her. First, the next time she gets a grade less than 70% on an assignment, I want her to respectfully go to her teacher and ask, "Can you help me to understand what I missed and didn't get on this so I can do better next time? Can I do anything to make this up?" I explained to her that by asking that, it will show her teacher she cares about her grades and teachers tend to gravitate toward those kinds of students.
Next, I asked her a couple of simple math fact questions. "J, what is 4 times 5?" "What is 3 times 6?" She couldnt' shoot the answer right back to me and she had to stop and do the successive adding to get it. I explained to her she needed to have those down pat in fourth grade. She immediately came by with her standard answer, "I missed fourth grade, remember?" J is great on putting that off as something done to her therefore she can't help herself. I then asked her, "Who can change that now?" Also I pointed out that no one is going to reteach it to her, ever. It is assumed by the end of fourth grade, a student knows their multiplication facts. I gave her another assignment. "J, I want you to go home and write out all of your multiplication six facts. Then I want you to memorize them. I am going to ask you what they are next week, and again I'll call you if I need to." I plan to have a little somethin' somethin' for her if she completes this task. Also, I will give her a bigger somethin' somethin' if she gets all of them memorized soon.
What is hilarious? She then said "Well maybe I'll screen your call" thinking she was so cute. I got serious and said, "That hurts no one but you. It's no skin off my nose, I know my math facts. I am doing this to help you." Interesting look on her face after that.
The better lesson learned here? My oldest son watching me engage with J. My oldest son who fights tooth and nail over doing math, yet does it well because I won't let him not do his work. I know he needs me to be on him like a bad rash and I know these are the consequences if he doesn't have these basic building blocks to his education.
Yet, am I a certified teacher? No. Am I a fabulous educator who knows everything about curriculum and learning tools? No. I hate to say it, and I had a skirmish with someone over this very issue a few weeks ago, no one needs to have a special certificate on their wall, have a certain certification, or a whole lot of student loan debt to be a "teacher" of basic skills. I am a mom who knows the consequences for these two kids if they don't have these simple skills in their school repetoire. Please take a moment and do it with these kinds of kids if you ever get to meet them like I did this week.
Feb 4, 2011
My Annual Favorite.....Heck My All Time Favorite
As always, it is Super Bowl time. While I may not care about who is playing, it is certainly a huge tradition for me to make this monstrous pot of chili every year. It takes me a few hours the night before or the morning of to make......but it's worth it!! Slow cooker lovers out there (I am one of them) will love how easy this is to just put in the cooker and let it go until half time.
Why does it take so long? There is a lot of meat to brown and a huge amount of veggies to chop. My recommendation--take your Pampered Chef chopper, or something like it and lay all the veggies all over the cutting board, and just start pounding. It will keep the onions, green peppers and jalapeno peppers off your hands too.
If you don't remember my history with this recipe, well then I'll tell you. This recipe comes from the Coors Cookbook shown in the picture. My parents had this cookbook when I was a kid and made this recipe several times in our cold Colorado winters. Many times a pot of this yummy-ness was waiting for us after a great day of skiing. It has many many fond memories for me. Then when I moved out as a college student, my parents divorced, and that was one of my losses in the divorce. The loss of this great recipe. I looked for the book, and it was out of print. This was also long before the resource we now know fondly as the internet. Back then, when a book went out of print, too bad so sad. You're out of luck unless you check Powell's books weekly, and trust me, they never had it.
Jump ahead a few years. I was married and my dad and his new wife were visiting. We found ourselves in a little second hand store. Both my dad and I found it.....THE Coors Cookbook!! For a buck! There was a small discussion about who would buy it, and who would share the recipe and make sure the other was supplied the recipe on demand. I got the cookbook. I made sure my dad had copy of the recipe. I also make sure when he visits to this day, an awesome batch of chili goodness is made.
As you watch half time commercials, you will know I'll be digging my spoon into this stuff. I hope you are too.
5 slices of bacon
8 ounces hot bulk pork sausage
1 1/2 pounds ground beef
1/2 cup chopped green pepper
1 cup chopped onion
1 clove of garlic
1 or 2 dried red chili peppers, seeded and crumbled
2 jalapeno peppers, seeded and diced
1 to 1 1/2 teaspoons of chili powder
1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
two twelve ounce cans of Coors beer (okay, we cheat a lot and use Hefeweizen,
or a good amber ale)
one 12 ounce can of tomato paste
one 16 ounce can of pinto beans, drained
Cook bacon till crisp; drain and set aside. Brown sausage. Drain, reserving 2 tablespoons of drippings, set aside. In reserved drippings, brown the ground beef, onion, green pepper and garlic. Add bacon, sausage, pepper, chili powder, oregano, and 1/2 teaspoon of salt. Stir in beer and tomato paste. Bring to boiling; simmer, covered for 1 1/2 hours. Add beans, simmer, covered, 30 more minutes. Serve with shredded cheese and chopped onion.
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