GRACE

what a gift to be called a daughter of the King. the immensity of it is beautiful and overwhelming. yet I find myself being frustrated with my weaknesses. thoughts that i wish werent in my head, choices i wish i wouldnt make, and words i wish i hadnt said.

"For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do....So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord" Romans 7:15-24

but I find that as I voice my frustrations to God...He listens to me, and then says I still choose you, I died for you, I love you....and this is so beyond anything I deserve. "My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it" - Brennan Manning

"if you try to manage your own behavior...if you gain success, say your issue is lust or lack of discipline, and your able to manage that area, then that area of sin is simply replaced with a new area of sin, pride and arrogance, that is far more difficult to penetrate. lust was there to show you your need for a Savior. if you conquer with your own behavior modifications, youve now replaced that with making yourself god. God calls us and woos us to Himself, opens up our eyes to the glory of His name, gives us affection for Him and a mind that longs for Him...not because of our righteousness, but because of His goodness and mercy. It's not an external change, it is internal...finding our identity in Jesus...for His sake and His glory alone." -Matt Chandler
"he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy" Titus 3:5

"Grace substitutes a full, childlike and delighted acceptance of our need, a joy in total dependence. The good man is sorry for the sins which have increased his need. He is not entirely sorry for the fresh need they have produced" -C.S. Lewis

"Yes, we feel guilt over sins, but healthy guilt is one which acknowledges the wrong done and feels remorse, but then is free to embrace the forgiveness that has been offered. Healthy guilt focuses on the realization that all has been forgiven, the wrong has been redeemed" - Brennan Manning

so...thank goodness He reveals to me my weaknesses...and even strengths that are never enough in themselves!! It is ok to feel bad, and ok to say sorry...but its not for us to hold onto shame. (Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus- Romans 8:1) He's always right there to pick me up and hold me and say keep going...because I am a Holy God, and I am worth it, and I love you and I will be with you always.

Lessons learned

Well this blog will be a little different from the others. Up til now I have only been sharing pictures and activities. But I feel like I want to share about 2010. WOW...that sums up alot of it! It has been the most amazing year of my life...and yet the hardest.

In April I officially decided to make Seattle home. This was not an easy decision. I will never forget that week. I had been offered a job somewhere else and I had already boxed up alot of my apt. Yet I was still praying (as I had been for months) for God to show me what the next step was. I wasn't sure that I was ready to leave Seattle but I also was thinking of new adventures and possibly working my way back to Indiana. Well on tues night I had a long talk with a friend and it was good...but I still felt unsure of a decision that I said I would make the next day. I woke up wednesday to a phone call. And everything changed. God made it so abundantly clear that I was to stay here in Seattle, it was almost like I could close my eyes and see a bright light and His arms wrapping around me and saying I love you...I cried and cried. And over the next 7 days everything just fell into place. A job, an apt, furniture...lets just say I cried alot that week. God was working in such mighty ways that I could barely breath and take it all in. Being 3000 miles from your family and where you grew up is hard...but I know God has a reason for me being here.

I continue to be involved in my church, and what an awesome ministry is going on there. A community...I totally get why God calls us to community. We need it, and we are blessed in it, and we are protected and loved in it. I love how real people are at Mars Hill, how bluntly honest our pastor is. Truth is powerful and life changing. My friends continue to amaze me. They push you, they call you out, they support you, they love you, they laugh and cry with you. I also had the opportunity to go through this class called Redemption Group. Just a chance to dig really deep into heart issues. It wasn't easy but worth it. I learned so much truth, felt lies exposed and really experienced what its like to understand the Holy Spirit and that role in my life and in redemption.

I had the sweet blessing of dating a great guy. We are not dating anymore, but the lessons I've learned and the ways I've grown in my thoughts and heart issues are tremendous. And what amazing memories I have with him. Our friendship happend so easily and naturally and we had such fun times together, whether we were lounging (lazy sundays are the best!), or out playing. I know there is a reason we dated, a reason why I was dating someone while going through RG, and a reason why we arent together now. During that time, God just changed so much of my heart and revealed lies that I had been holding onto and my own selfishness. And I could really see evidences of Jesus in our relationsip, even in mistakes made and when things werent always easy. We were open in communication and we did care for each other and nothing bad happened in our relationship and I think that is huge. God has been so so so good. And while I can totally say lessons are hard, I would never take back the lessons I've learned since breaking up. How Jesus being in a relationship really does make a difference. It has not always been easy but I feel like its a testament to the blessing of our friendship that we have been able to stay friends after breaking up. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is with me. He daily reminds me of how much He loves me and I'm speechless. He protects me, He loves me, He rescues me, He pursues me. And He does all of this more abundantly then I can even fathom. He calls me to follow Him and trust Him beyond my understanding. He is in control and as a good friend said to me "He sent His only Son to die for you, to rescue you...do you not think He has something just amazing planned for your life?!".

Two last thoughts that have gone through my head and I've written down because it meant alot to me were these..."I look back at pictures and think how richly I've been blessed, how deeply I've been pursued, and how every day has been part of a plan to bring me closer to God"; "In moments where things are greater then I could possibly imagine, or moments where things seem more then I could possibly bear, I know that you are with me and you are good and you are enough". I believe these both with all my heart. I can look back on my entire life and see how God has pursued me, even when I wasn't pursuing Him. He is faithful and He is love. His grace and mercy is more then my mind can wrap itself around. I'm thankful for a Savior who said you are worth it and I want you and I love you.

So here is to an amazing new year, with new adventures and new stories. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me and those that I love. :)

December...the best month of the year haha

so here is a my december in a few mere snapshots. what a crazy busy month! started off with a bang...the first few pics are from our church retreat to Whistler. such an breathtaking and amazing place. and a reminder of how great God is...that He would bless us with such a beauty. and also how truly amazing my friends are. the irish pub is us out sat night celebrating my bday!

my new hobby...snowboarding! its been a blast and im absolutely loving it!! :)

Happy New Year!!

the fam visits seattle

family visit to good ole seattle! we did play around the city some but we also took a trip to victoria, b.c. and stayed a few nights in camano island. i have a pretty sweet family :) and maybe the coolest sisters ever! oh and micah got to meet them all for the first time...that was pretty fun too!! we all had such a blast! :)

summer fun!!

ok these are multiple events lumped together but what can i say?! it was an amazing summer and more then i could possibly include on here. so we've got the night at teatro zanzini, mariners games (duh! haha), date night with dinner overlooking lake union and then to broadway symphony, and a sounders game...ahhh...good times

Seattle City Chase

ok so these pics go from bottom up...mainly because i havent quite got this figured out. but anyways, we got to take part in the city chase which was like amazing race meets fear factor and it was awesome! we had such a blast running ALL over the city. and we even got 36th place (out of around 150 or so) so that was pretty impressive i thought. but what can i say...we make a good team :)

day in the park

treasuring every bit of sunshine we can here in seattle! and doing a fave...playing vball! oh and the party bus kickball folks too. all day event...and oh so fun!!