Assalammualaikum
When life hits you hard, what did you do?
After solat, literally, I just sit and talk to Allah. Coz I'm so lost. Don't know what to think. I know what I need to do. I just scared. Feel anxious whenever space is there and I carelessly let the thought came in.
Too many expectations around me. Around us.
I can't reach those expectations. I can move with only with my pace. When I met a human that cannot tolerate with my pace, sorry. I'm not a human pleaser. I'm not good with people. Yet they wonder why I'm a cat lover haha.
When I'm good with certain people, they stay in my circle. For a long long time. Lifetime. I take care of them. Keep in touch whenever I can.
Me? Weird? Nahhh, all of us is weird. All of us have a unique side. No one is normal. What is normal anyway?
My life keeps going ups and downs. I don't know what is normal anyway.
Recently, I just did something big. When I thought everything is settled down. No, it's not. I took a big step. For myself. Bukan selalu haha. I think this is the first time I experienced when everything went so wrong day by day. Can u imagine how stress I am? It keeps adding but no one sees it. No one understands. They can listen but they won't know it. Because I know myself. Quite rational. Sometimes. Rational or not, I don't waste my time again on something make me unhappy. I'm done with that a year ago.
I'm tired of blaming myself. I'm not good enough thoughts. I didn't try hard thoughts. Enough. Let Allah show me where I can feel good in being me. Where the place I can say " Good Job Nina. Let's try harder" without any self-blaming. Where the place being me is a good thing.
Coz there this one person said, "It's challenging but its fun".
Okay, let's find that route. That sounds more worth for my time. Nothing is perfect anyway. Find something tolerable to yourself. Tak salah. Don't torture yourself just for money or people sayings. Believe. Allah is the one give rezeki to his slave. Believe, He's the one will help you. Allah always near you. May this route will make you more sincere in cari rezeki. Bekerja itu satu ibadah. Don't ruin it.
Believe.
Nothing can stop you after this.
:)
