Re-Entry Thought #9

Metro Madrid, oh how I miss you!

It's a true fact that the metro in Madrid, Spain, is one of the best in the world. It is impeccably clean, there are 14+ lines, it is inexpensive (about a dollar a ride), efficient (you generally only wait a couple minutes if you miss a train), and takes you nearly anywhere in the city and the outlying area (county) fairly quickly. And that doesn't even mention the extensive bus system and train system which go farther out the city to suburbs and to other cities. You can go ANYWHERE by just paying a few dollars.

Here in the US, on the other hand, there are only a few cities that I know of where there is anything even close to comparable. St. Louis is not one of those cities. Apparently back in the day it was, with an extensive system of trolleys. But that was long before my time, long before I was even born. Instead it is odd that one even could walk from one place to another. Usually the distances are larger and not made to be walked. You might have to cross a highway or something. And then if you were to try to hike across town you likely would look like a vagabond. Right now I live in the suburbs. I know that I am much more comfortable in the city. I like walking where I need to go. I like not having to drive. I like public transportation.

That being said, I do like driving, but am realizing that I miss all the walking and the ease of just walking down the street or up the street to catch a train to take me wherever I wanted to go, whenever I wanted. Or to walk around the corner for the grocery store, or just downstairs to go to the bank or bookstore or coffee shop. I could walk everywhere I needed in just a couple minutes. Not here. Not even close.

Metro Madrid, oh how I miss you...

Re-Entry Thought #7

Win! One win for me.

This morning I was in a staff meeting and actually gave some sound grammar advice. I even proved to amaze myself. And I found it more than a bit ironic that the girl who just got back to the US, who can hardly speak correct English herself is giving out English grammar advice. I did actually say that part out loud - "but then what do I know... I'm the girl who can hardly speak proper English herself."

Thought it was funny. And I'm totally proud that I can now speak English well enough to ONCE in awhile (probably very ONCE IN AWHILE) give out unsolicited English grammar advice. Ah, the joys of re-entry.

Re-Entry Thought #6

Phones. Móviles. IPhone. Outdated flip-phone. Fone. Phone. I can't even hardly spell "phone" correctly. (Which is even more ironic considering the next post, that I just wrote.)

But anyway... the thorn in my side right now is that I have a fully functional and beautiful iPhone 4.0 that I bought in Spain for $50, but that I can only use with a free wifi signal in the US. No Sprint, no Verizon, no nobody,... And both the phone and the plan cost about double here - something that I can't presently afford. I'm still investigating, but right now I have the phone I used 6+ years ago, a cute white flip phone and no not a nice mini-phone, but one of the bulky you can almost feel the radiation from the battery in your hand type, pre-pay phones. I should be thankful for what I have. I'm working on that. But I remember fondly my days of checking and replying to my e-mail on the metro, skyping friends for free throughout the day on my PHONE and showing them whatever I wanted to (oh, and seeing them on my phone). One day... all things will be made right. (And to be fully honest, I'm a little conflicted. I have a love - hate relationship with all the new technology. On one hand I love having some of it, but two am very aware that at times I am a product of the horrible consumerism in the US. I don't want to just follow the man and buy into the system. But that is something else to write about another time. Good things to think about that expose the impure places in my heart that despite my best efforts continues to follow things that don't satisfy nor bring life. This may have to do with re-entry, but is a much deeper issue. Oh, the wonderful grace of Jesus to save me despite my very unworthiness & my, even now, at times very unrepentant heart.)

Re-Entry Thought #5

Fall here comes early. Or where did my summer go? Or why are people asking me how my summer was? Isn't it still summer?

Yesterday I sat in on a meeting with the staff I will be working with this fall. At one point we were asked to answer the question, "How was your summer? Highs and lows..." What? My summer? Don't I have a month left? It is only early August, right? Oh, yes, August marks the fall in the states... It's Europe that has August as their vacation month, NOT the US.

I got back to the US early July and haven't really stopped since I got back. I haven't slept in the same house for more than a bit more than a week yet. I haven't yet gotten all my luggage and I definitely have neither had a vacation nor gotten settled yet. I will get settled, but this year there wasn't much time for my birthday and there definitely hasn't yet been time to catch my breathe. I'll be fine, but no I didn't really have a summer. Summer in Spain begins in mid-July and ends the end of September, here it begins in May and ends in early August. So, I got back here "early," meaning early July, but it's early August and I'm gearing up for my vacation, which would generally be in early September. Yes, there is some logic to my crazy emotions even if I definitely feel out of place and a little confused, many times for no seemingly logical reason. Ah, the joys of re-entry. And this doesn't even begin to address the fact that I keep on forgetting meals because it the timing is off, but that's another subject for another day.

Not Helpful

Recently I sat through a couple seminars on grief and how to walk with others through grief. Then yesterday I experienced exactly some of what they said NOT to do. I may not be in the depths of grief, as the result of a death or severe loss, but I am in the midst of the grief and transition of moving back to the US after six years abroad. Abroad is home, not here. My best friends, those in my daily life, and my "family" all live THERE not HERE. I am in transition and coming to grips with the loss of moving.

Well, yesterday I finally pinpointed one of my "fish out of water" moments and was able to pinpoint why. A girl told me how much she appreciated what I had shared about missing Spain and then proceeded to tell me that she understood exactly what I was going through. This summer she went overseas for a couple weeks and she missed her family a lot. I wanted to be sympathetic and appreciate her efforts to empathize, but... that is NOT HELPFUL. She may want to be empathetic, but she DOES NOT have any idea what I am going through. I don't want to bemoan my situation nor do I need to talk about it as much as I may do from time to time. YES, I do have some growth that need to take place. Life, even life right now, is NOT all about me. BUT... you don't understand reverse culture shock unless you've experienced it. And I'm sorry, but six years and a month are not the same. You may experience a glimpse of it after a month, but not really. It is NOT the same thing.

I need to remember this too, but one point I was brought back to from those grief seminars was that unless you've been through the same thing, it is NOT AT ALL HELPFUL to have someone say that they understand what you're going through. Some other examples people gave from the seminar were people who had lost a pet telling someone who had recently lost a parent that they understood what they were going through. BULL-POOP! And I think someone else likened someone's dealing with cancer by saying they understood because they too had just been really sick with the flu, or something like that. How would anyone thing that is helpful?

I know those are extreme examples, but even with something as seemingly benign as reverse culture shock, you just someone to listen, to say they're sorry, or to say, "you must be going through a lot right now" sympathetically, or honestly just saying nothing and not understanding is MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH better than saying they understand because they too have gone on vacation. Give me a break. I know this is a bit fuerte or critical, but just thought I'd process and share a bit. Thanks for listening.

Re-Entry Thought #4

A couple nights ago i was at a party and someone asked me how tall i was in spanish and i told him in feet and then said, "but i can't remember how many centimeters that is" (as if he'd even want to know). Oh, the joys of reverse culture shock.

america, america

I've been meaning to write a post about all that I do like about the US. As I mentioned before, it's always easier (and in some ways I think you have authority to do so) to be more critical with whatever group you fall into, or whatever country you live in - that is as long as you have freedom of speech to do so without being killed or imprisoned. That is one thing that I appreciate about the good US of A. I recently returned for a time from Spain to the US and thus am in the midst of re-entry / reverse culture shock / etc., and thus can be a bit more critical. So, here are some of the things I love here.

1 - That we do have rights such as freedom of speech, freedom of expression, freedom to be free, freedom of religion,...

2 - That we tend to value hard work, positivity, hope, encouraging others, tolerance, diversity, learning,... (We're by no means perfect in this and there are BIG problems, but this is true here in a way it is very few other places.)

3 - That you can accomplish a million things in one day. Efficiency. (I don't think this should be a higher value than community and than people, but I do appreciate it a ton.)

4 - Whole Foods... stores open 24 hours or later than meals, since I'm still pretty messed up in terms of the whole meal thing... It's common that I forget to eat lunch until 4pm and that I don't eat dinner or think of it at 8-10pm. And I'm STARVING at lunch, or my lunch, for a two course meal and at dinner for a tapa or two.

5 - I'm sure there are many more, but I'll have to do this when I'm more awake. :-)

Re-Entry Thought #3

Ah!!! My body is falling apart! Not really. But my hand HURTS! And just my left thumb.

I went and got a massage the other day and mentioned it to the woman. She said it looked like I had a bit of carpel tunnel. She asked if I'd been typing a lot. NO. I said it might be because I'm driving a heck of a lot more than normal. I'm used to walking and taking the metro or bus or train and once in a blue moon driving. Here I drive nearly everyday. I wish it weren't the truth, but it is. I have no choice. I can't walk or take a bike on the highway. And there are no other options. So I drive. And my hand hurts bad. She said I should start going to yoga as long as my body is getting used to driving. She said the pain in my back and in my lower back is from that too. REALLY? All that from beginning to drive everyday. Not good.

So that is my saga. I have a parasite (or probably many) that are slowly being killed off and I have a million aches and pains because my body isn't used to driving AND it's used to walking several miles a day. Sorry, little body.

Re-Entry Thought #2

I recently drove to and from Colorado. BUT since I got back to Missouri, I've seen COUNTLESS people wearing what look like ipod headphones, WHILE THEY DRIVE!!!! How in the world?

Apparently they are likely iphone headsets or other phone headsets. I guess I've been spoiled in Spain to have "hands free" built in to my car. Yes, it was installed by the gal who owned my car before me, but it's there. And if it weren't than I wouldn't be able to talk in the car BECAUSE IT'S ILLEGAL! And even though I am now in the US, I can't really believe that it's legal to talk in your car. I did see a billboard somewhere in Colorado or Kansas or Missouri saying that it's illegal to text while driving, BUT that seems to be the extent.

So, really, you think it's better to drive with HEADPHONES on instead of actually hearing the outside world and holding your phone in your hand while driving. Craziness...

I really thought I was going nuts until I found out that it was completely normal. Where am I? Not in Oz anymore.