words cant describe how i feel right now

words cant describe how i feel right now..

i keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again!!

i think i seriously need a guardian angel that will drill instructions and reminders into my head every few minutes.

too thoughtless. too careless. too stupid.

what a fool!!

i must be the most stupid girl alive. period.

on a brighter note, when i look back in a few years time i would be like..

at least i had had all these stupid life experiences? lol

i am determined, very determined, to stop.

:)

encased in a shell

i realised i've built a wall so high up around myself that...

im blocking everyone else out.

this link depicts what i feel at the moment

lol.

that is exactly how i feel now.

im out meeting ppl, meeting as many ppl as i can.

but i have a shell protecting myself from getting hurt again, from getting taken advantage of again by others.

But you’ve built them so high that you set men up for failure before they even start. And I’m warning you to be careful. Cause the Woman inside those walls is absolutely beautiful…but she’s blocking out any chance she may have at love and happiness; she’s becoming her own prisoner.”

have i become my own prisoner already? lol

FOOD

these days..all i can think about is food, food, food, and... MORE FOOD! lol

not really sure why..

is this a sign of aging? lmao

it's like..

i used to be able to gym at least two-three times a week and spend like an hour in the gym.

now?

15 mins into gym and i'll be wanting to leave already!!

instead..during the day at work..all i can think about is food. lol

now all i really want is to spend more time and money on eating.

seriously..eating yummy food makes me soooo happy. it fills up my stomach, it brightens my mood :) dw im still skinny. haha.

gonna start exploring and trying out diff food places..wheeeee.

cant wait to go to sydney again and eat lowenbrau keller and hurricane grilllll :P

<3

drained

so frigging tired.

cant take long weekends anymore.

talk about bad luck, SUCH BAD LUCK!!

hopefully things will get better..o.o my back hurts >.<

AGAIN?

suddenly feeling nostalgic

wtf? lol

so everyone was out partying last night for merdeka where as i was out watching movie. nearly fell asleep watching captain america but thats probably cos i was super tired.

stayed till the end after credits cos there was a preview to the avenger!! that movie's gonna have Thor, Captain America & IronMan starring in it. teehee.

Friends had fun at chaplin on monday night without me!!!

all the fun im missing out on!! pfft.

having a pretty slack day today..

hand's feeling itchy again..

shopping?

probably need a retail therapy, mehhhhh.

low

driving is definitely making me go brokeeee ): totally low on cash now. that i dont even shop anymore!

lol, i have to pay for fuel, wash the car (even though i only washed it once o.o haha), but the worst part of it is getting fined! omg..imagine all the money i could have used for. got fined twice for parking infringement. babi...i am so broke.

i think im working now just for the sake of paying off my bills and shit.

like, i had to pay the excess fee for my car, my leg infection a few months back.. and fines. FINEEESSS. lol much.

but on the brighter side, at least having a car allows me to meet up with my friends more, so my social life aint that sad anymore. i used to have to come home early..

or just had to have second thoughts about going out cos then i wouldnt be able to come home if i stayed out too late. and going to work is so much more easier and relaxing now.

i am grateful for everything.

things happen for a reason, im sure.

there's always a reason why we meet new people and lose some friends. and apparently im known as a rejector. or maybe i'm just plain mean.

and er,
HAPPY MERDEKA!! i know it's tmrw, but yeah.

meow~i just got tics to kpop fest in sydney. even more reason for me to stay home now.

second thoughts

why do i keep having second thoughts?

am i thinking too much? reading to much into every detail?

i'm completely at a lost now that i dont even want to make any decision at all.

afraid one step forward, means moving further apart from what i might actually really want.

but?

i dont really know what i want at the moment.....

Buddha, guide me please. ^^