Osage Hills State Park July 2010

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Momentous day.

Today was momentous for us, not for what happened, but for what didn't happen. Kellan did not nurse at all today and it has been several weeks since I have pumped milk. I have been trying the "don't offer, don't refuse" method. I also think it helped that last week we were out of our routine somewhat because of our vacation. He is 20 months old and I was aiming for 18 months, so I'm very happy with that. I will miss our time together, but it will also be a relief to soon be "free" of the additional time it took.

It was so cute the past couple of months when he would run to get the Boppy pillow and carry it to the couch. He has always liked to kick his feet around while he nurses, and sometimes used to rest a foot on my shoulder; but the bigger he gets, the stronger he kicks, which is not good when he ends up kicking Mommy (like in the nose)!

So, it seems that the end of my nursing time with Kellan will be much less dramatic than it was with Logan. When Logan was 16 months old (I was also aiming for 18 months with him), I got very sick with a bad gastro illness and was given a strong antibiotic that could be passed through breastmilk and potentially be dangerous to Logan. I was told to not nurse for one week. We (Justin and I) decided to not go back to it after the week was over. I felt so terrible for weaning him so abruptly. Looking back on it, I might have handled it differently.

Logan's 4th birthday - December 7, 2009 (Dec. 12th party)

Yes, I realize it has been 6 months, but I wanted to recognize Logan with his 4th birthday blog. We/he chose a Cars - the Movie theme. I bought some red fondant from a cake decorating store (I say "some" -- it was a huge bucket) and I already owned a car-shaped cake 3D cake pan. I baked the cake two nights before and got to work decorating the night before the party. I'm going to have to start taking more time off work for birthdays if I'm going to continue making the cakes. I was probably up until 3:00 am or later with this one...it's not so much the decorating, but all of the cleanup. Anyway, I thought that Lightning McQueen was my best effort yet, and I really had fun with him.

The wheels are chocolate donuts.

Of course, Logan was the true test. He LOVED the cake. In fact, he patiently stood guard over that cake for well over 30 minutes while we waited for all the guests to arrive. So cute.

The kids played pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, and Logan's tail was perfectly placed.
Way to go, birthday boy!

Post-poning the inevitable

I have been post-poning (a little pun, there) this post for almost four months now. The last post I wrote was to document Kellan's first birthday in November 2009. Today is April 18, 2010. Why so long between posts? I suppose I thought my blog would always be about our day-to-day lives, as mundane as the days might be, and celebrating the milestones that we reach in our children's lives, starting with Logan of course when I first began this blog.

Then along came Christmas Day, 2009. I can't say that it started out like all other recent Christmases, because it certainly did not. The Oklahoma City metro area received a record amount of snow which began on Christmas eve. This was the view from our front door on Christmas eve.

It's not often that we receive a white Christmas in Oklahoma, but I must admit that I wasn't able to fully appreciate it as my mind turned to the logistics of the day and what would have to change because of the snow. I think on Christmas eve, my parents had already decided to stay home and not venture to our house on Christmas as originally planned. I assumed my in-laws would also play it safe, but on Christmas morning, as we were finishing up our breakfast after unwrapping Santa and family gifts, I discovered that they were actually on their way to our house (we're about 30-40 miles apart). I had even dressed in sweatpants that day, anticipating spending the day with only my husband and children. I found myself saying a prayer that everyone would stay safe as I scrambled to get the house in order for the visit.

I was quite concerned for my in-laws' safety; my MIL and FIL both morbidly obese, and my brother-in-law's family with two young children. The local news channels were reporting multiple cars and people stranded on the roadways. I imagined my in-laws slipping and falling, or trying to shovel snow to get out of their neighborhood, or getting stranded and not being able to get to a safe, warm place. My damned runaway imagination went through so many possible scenarios. I admittedly got angry that they were endangering their lives to come to our house. But thankfully, everyone made it to our house safely, hubby and his brother shoveled our driveway in advance of their parents' arrival, and presents were unloaded. We ate lunch first (much to the chagrin of the anxious kids), and then unwrapped gifts.

Overall it was an enjoyable time. The only downer was a tagalong relative-of-a-relative who wasn't appreciative of most of his gifts. But we tried not to let him prevent the rest of us from enjoying the afternoon.

We all enjoyed our new gifts and chatted for a little while, and then it came time for everyone to leave so they could get home well before dark, and because Justin's brother had to go to work (he's a security guard at a local casino). We packed up all the gifts and I made sure my in-laws didn't need anything else before I said my final goodbye through the garage and shut the garage door.

At about 4:30, the phone rang. The caller ID showed an unfamiliar name and number. The caller asked if we were Donna and Bear's family and of course I replied yes; he told me he was their neighbor across the street and that we needed to get to their house right away. He said that Bear had fallen and he wasn't sure of his condition. I told him that it wouldn't be easy because we lived in Yukon, but that I would try to get somebody over there soon, and we hung up. I reiterated the story to Justin and we debated what to do; I couldn't get ahold of Donna at their house or on her cell phone. We did call his sister-in-law, but Justin's brother was already at work, and he had their car, so she couldn't get over there (they live only a few miles from the in-laws). Keep in mind that at this point, we thought it was just a fall and that there wasn't much we could do. Justin at 170 pounds would not be much help to a 400-lb.+ man who had fallen, not to mention that it would take a long time for him to get there (at least 40 minutes even without the snow). We were hoping that rescue personnel were there and were helping them. But he put on some warm clothes, we gathered some blankets, and he left for his parents' house. Now I was much more concerned because yet another loved one was out on the treacherous roads. I continued trying to reach Donna. Finally she called; I think it was an hour later. I asked her what was happening and she said, "He's gone, Adrienne, he's dead." I didn't know what to say -- I told her that -- and then she had to go. I called the neighbor who had made the initial call -- maybe she was just confused, I remember thinking --but he confirmed it. I cried to the neighbor (poor soul, getting wrapped up in all of this just because of his proximity) that I had been afraid something like this would happen and how I had tried to convince them to stay home. Sobbing by then, I called my sister-in-law to tell her, and of course she was just as shocked as I was.

Now, I had a very difficult decision to make. Justin was still driving to their house. There was no way for me to know how far he was from arriving. Should I call and tell him, or let him wait until he arrived and find out from someone else, probably a stranger? I hated to do it, but I decided to call and tell him; so now he was upset AND driving in horrible conditions. (In hindsight, what I should have done is to tell him to call me when he arrived but before he got out of the truck.) I was so worried that the shock of the news would cause him to have an accident or that he wouldn't be able to drive as carefully, so I was extremely relieved when he arrived safely. In the meantime, my SIL called her husband's (J's brother) boss to let him know; he was relieved from work and also went over there. Justin offered to stay the night at his mom's house, but she just wanted to be alone, so he left after the funeral home personnel finished their jobs and his mother was somewhat set up for the night. And once again, I was extremely relieved when he arrived back home safely.

So, the next week was spent preparing for the funeral and trying to support Justin's mother and be there for her. I was off work so I had some time to gather pictures and put together the slide show (which was sooo not how I had wanted to spend Christmas break). Justin went with his mother to plan the services, which were actually not held until after the first of the year. I could write more about that, or about what transpired to cause his death, but maybe another time, or maybe not at all.

What I will say is that Bear loved Christmas and enjoyed watching his family open their gifts; it was clear he had thought carefully about each gift and its recipient. And as I thought more about that day and looked back on it, I was grateful that they made the decision to spend Christmas with us and their grandchildren. I think what happened would have happened regardless, so if they had stayed home, we would have missed that last Christmas with him. So at least we have those memories to get us through future Christmases (and even a few photos). And it sure makes me rethink how I approach someone around any holiday -- the innocent question, "Did you have a nice Christmas?", will no longer have a simple answer for Bear's family. So I ask that you hug your loved ones, make sure they know you love them, and if you need to make changes in your lifestyle to try to stick around longer for them -- do it! (Bear's sister died less than 6 weeks before he did; and a brother died two weeks ago.)

Now I hope to get back to the mundane, day-in-the-life posts, and milestone celebratory posts, to which I had been accustomed. Logan's 4th birthday might be next. Stay tuned.

Kellan is One!

I thought I should get this blog post up before Logan's birthday (in three days). The boys' birthdays are exactly four weeks apart. Add in Thanksgiving and Christmas, and this is one busy time of year for our family! But what a fun way to be busy.

Kellan turned one on November 9. I know this sounds cliche, but I can't believe how fast the year flew by!

I decided to have a circus/carnival theme for the party, based around the carousel cake topper from my first birthday. Yes, my mother kept it these many years! Don't worry, I put a piece of waxed paper under it to catch any flakes of (surely lead-based) paint that might have chipped off, and we didn't allow Kellan to touch the topper, just the cake. I made a large carousel cake (a tad bit lopsided, as my cakes tend to be) for the guests.

I was very disorganized this year; Kellan was still napping as guests arrived, and I had not wrapped his gifts yet. But it all seemed to work out. We served popcorn in red-and-white popcorn boxes, mini corndogs, Cracker Jack, animal cookies, and circus peanuts (the sugary orange kind). Big brother Logan helped Mommy pop the popcorn using Grandma Georgia's old air popper. I need to remember to tell her yet that it threw a spark when I unplugged it -- must be about as old as the cake topper.

Kellan is not quite walking on his own yet, but he's so close! If only he would let go of our fingers he would be off and running.

Preschool comedian

Logan was quite the comedian tonight. He was cracking me up! After dinner he was eating some gummy sharks (not a regular occurance, but they came with his frozen dinner; he didn't want the leftovers that Justin and I were eating). He held the last one up to his mouth and said, from the perspective of the shark, "My friends are in your mouth so I have to come get you!" Then he ate it.

Later he was putting on his dinosaur pajama pants and hadn't pulled them up over his feet so they were flopping as he walked. He said, "I'm a duck-dinosaur."

I haven't blogged in forever (May!) but I just had to write these down for the record before I forgot.

Our big boys!

Kellan turned six months old on May 9. On May 19, Justin and I both took the day off and we took Kellan to the pediatrician for his well-baby visit. He is 27 1/2 inches "tall" and weighs 20 lbs. 8 oz. He has exactly doubled his birth weight. Good thing we bought him a carseat that goes up to 32 lb/32 in. a couple of months ago! He also had a bit of a cold, so we got some medicine for that.

Also on May 19, Logan had two appointments. The first was at 10:30 with his dentist. Logan was such a big, brave boy -- Justin said "see ya" and Logan went back for his cleaning all by himself with no resistance! We were so proud of him. And no cavities this time -- yay!

Logan's 2nd appointment was at 4:00 with his ear doctor. We went two months ago and one of his ear tubes was working its way out. This time it was completely out and sitting in the ear canal in some earwax. So the doc and Justin took Logan to a separate room where the doc used a hook-like tool to get the tube out. I'm so glad I didn't have to witness that! Justin said that Logan started to scream/cry, but it was over before he could really get worked up. Again, so brave! The doc told him he deserved all the stickers (they give out stickers instead of candy or suckers)! The doc also noticed that Logan's tonsils were inflamed, so he gave him antibiotics for that. He had been coughing for a few days prior to the appointment, so we were thankful that he would be seeing the ENT to figure out why. Kinda made me feel bad that we sent him to the dentist like that. I almost called to let them know, but what could they really do? (Other than blame us for someone else's illness!)

And, later that same evening, I developed a soar throat and low-grade fever. So off to the doc for me on Wednesday, antiobiotics, and I finally made it back to work on Friday. Just in time for the three-day weekend. :-) Then Justin got sick with some kind of stomach bug on Friday, and Kellan broke out in hives, probably as a reaction either to his immunizations or to the antibiotics I'm taking. Luckily that mostly cleared up by Saturday. Needless to say, we haven't been the most fun family to be around lately!