family...

Thursday, my mother and brother Brent and sister Michelle, came to Santa Rosa for a quick visit.  Adam Cox also stopped in and spent the night. (He is great!)  It makes my eyes tear up just typing about it.  It was so sweet to spend two days with them.  I felt like I was at the ranch, really, that same feeling, even though I was sitting in my family room in Santa Rosa.  That comfortable, great, happy, relaxed, peaceful, loving feeling that you get when you are at the ranch with one another.  Only now I know that it is a feeling you get when you can be with your loved ones, it's not a feeling you just can have if you are in Wyoming in person.  Funny how it came so strongly to me when my ranch people came to see us!  I found myself wishing that all of my children could be here too, knowing they would love the chance to spend time with these three.  Thank you to each of them for taking the time to come and bring that feeling with them!  They are pretty special people!

Mom brought her peanut brittle (I have pretty much finished off the huge can full, sorry Tod!), which makes it officially Christmas time, and they all helped me get my Christmas cards ready to be put in the mail.  We ate great, we went to the temple (a great treat for Jon and I), we walked in the rain to see the redwood trees, we drove through Napa (one of Jon's favorite drives), we may have talked Brent into bringing the cattle operation to California so he could have happy cows, and we visited, remembered and laughed...it was just a great couple of days.  I only have pictures from the temple, but I got a couple of good ones from Michelle.  

Carma, Brent, Michelle, Susan and Jon

It rained all weekend.  My mother is a trooper!

The lights at the Oakland temple!

Mother and Daughter

The Oakland Visitor Center

A Few Of My Favorite Things About Thanksgiving Week!

1. The Monday before Thanksgiving we had a wonderful visit from Uncle Blah (Bill).  What a lift we felt from his visit!  I know my husband was up into the wee hours of the morning visiting, fixing the world's problems, discussing doctrine...you name it, I think they talked about it. :)  It was so great to see him and have him here.  Tuesday we went to Stanford to get the all clear to start radiation.  We dropped Bill off to meet with a client in Palo Alto and then he flew out later that evening.  It was an awesome visit to say the least!

Uncle Bill

2. Wednesday our children and grandchildren came to spend Thanksgiving with us!  It was so great to all be together!

Lauren dancing with Lucy in the Santa Rosa airport!

Beau having some man time with grandpa!

3. Thursday we went to Safari West (here in Santa Rosa) to go on an African safari before we ate our Thanksgiving feast.  These are a few of my favorite pictures of the 200 that were taken!

All of the girls!

Beau and Tod leaning over the side to check out the giraffe!

They weren't disappointed!

                             

Kristen, Lauren, Mike and Megan sat on top!

Lauren and Tod had this thing going on all weekend making funny faces together in the pictures.  They were quite a team!

4.  Friday was my 50th birthday.  Kind of a big deal!  The boys went golfing, the girls went to St. Helena.  Lauren tried really hard to get a good picture of the older girls.  This was my favorite!

That evening after dinner, I got to open some wonderful gifts.  A special thank you to everyone who wrote me a birthday letter.  I will treasure them always. :)  They brought back many memories and details I had forgotten.  I love you all. Thank you!

My beautiful painting from my sweetheart!  You all need to come and visit so you can see it.  It is beautiful!!!  I had a very special birthday.  I have such a wonderful family...thank you to each of them!

5.  I love the men in my family!  They are the best!

6.  Remember when the girls were trying to take a picture in St. Helena?  This was what Beau was up to.  Climbing on the rope in the big tent! 

                            

and then he took his pants off!  That's my grandson!
 And who couldn't love that face!

7.  Tod used his eagle scout skills and built us a real wood fire in the fireplace.  We were all amazed!

This year I had a wonderful Thanksgiving week and a 50th birthday I will never forget!

time for an update...

This is soooooooo overdue I can't believe it.  Not that any one cares but me, but I think it is adding to my inability to sleep at night, so I am getting this posted today!  Here goes...

1- Hailey was in our ward roadshow in October.  She played the part of the Honey Nut Cheerios Honeybee.  I am ashamed to say, I did not get a picture of her.  She was totally awesome though!  I think she could really enjoy acting.  Maybe next year she will be in the drama club. :)

2- Hailey's friend Morgan came to Santa Rosa! (Oct. 28-Nov. 1)  Her first friend to come for a visit.  It was so much fun to have her here!  We did all sorts of fun stuff.  We walked around Armstrong Grove in the rain!

We went to Bodega Bay...in the rain!

We went to San Francisco!

 The bridge was all fogged in, but it was fun to go to the city.

Morgan even had a lesson with the missionaries, dinner two different nights with the missionaries, went to church and stake choir practice, went to a PUMA football game and enjoyed a halloween party at a big farm in Kenwood.  They had a full weekend, she is a fun girl.  We are glad she could come!

3- While in San Francisco we met Dave and Jen and had lunch at Boudin's in Macy's basement.  I loved seeing all of the Johnson's.  I could have sat there at the table all day and just visited!  We have missed our family.  It was so sweet to have a little family fix that day.  Thanks Johnson's!

4- The day Morgan left, Elder Golden and his wife Diane came to tour the mission. (Nov. 1-3)  I was a little nervous about the visit, but it was very sweet!  He was very concerned that I not be stressed about anything, so I had permission to do only what I felt like I could do.  I had the sweetest interview with him.  He promised me some remarkable blessings.  Two things I will never forget that he taught me during those three days.  *Never under estimate the power of prayer!  *Miracles happen today just like in the days that the Savior walked the earth!  It was a sweet blessing to spend a few days with them.  Our missionaries loved them.

1/2 of the Mission

Elder Christoffel and Diane Golden

Other 1/2 of Mission

 5- The day after the Golden's left I went to Stanford for my fourth Chemo treatment. (Nov. 4)  We happily decided that four treatments would be enough and my days of getting Chemo drips came to an end.  I am blessed.  It has been a lot harder to bounce back this time and I will be so grateful to get back to my old self soon. (crossing my fingers)  Maybe I can get some hair growing back on my head for Christmas :)  Radiation therapy starts November 29th.  Yippee!

6- Hailey decided to join the "Running Club" at school.  I think it is designed to get people in shape who are going to be running track.  Hailey is doing it just to get into shape.  She is still thinking she will be swimming this spring.

7- Missionaries take funny pictures.  I have enjoyed this one!

Elder TJ Jones

 8- Kristen came again to help me with the incoming and departing missionaries. (Nov. 8 & 9)  She is awesome!  I really let her take care of me this time!  She did my wash, all the dishes and clean-up, all the stuff I usually do with the new missionaries, took care of Hailey and everything else that needed to be done.  I felt like I only had about 50% brain power while she was here.  Thank you sweetheart...and thank you Mike and everyone else who watched Lauren and Beau in her absence.

9- This is the President!  Still going strong.  It has been very heart warming to see him have the strength to do all that he needs to do, without much support from me.  I loved the pictures Kristen took at the airport as the new missionaries arrived.  I liked this one especially because he is having some fun with his Elders!

10- I realized it has been two days since I had a diet coke. Hmmmm. Maybe that is why I have a headache. Bad, bad Susan.

TOTALLY AWESOME NEWS!

Last Thursday, November 4th was my last chemotherapy treatment! My doctor and I felt best about four...that six would not be of a benefit. We are so VERY excited to say the least. But, today my brain is totally working off half power. I feel like I'm in a fog, but I wanted to share my great news! I love you all!

on-line proselyting

The California Santa Rosa Mission is one of eight missions in the world that is trying out on-line proselyting. That means that eighteen of our missionaries are going to be working on facebook, writing on blogs, chatting, using mormon.org, for 1-2 hours a day. Their purpose on-line is the same as their purpose when they aren't on-line...to bring people to Jesus Christ through faith, repentance, baptism, receiving the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end. They are instructed not to use facebook to talk to family and friends at home, but to invite their investigators to be their friends and have their investigators friends become facebook friends and so forth. They are also supposed to invite ward members from the ward they are serving in to be their friends.

That is where we began, but we have also learned that they need to be visible with lots of facebook friends and lots of followers of their blogs. So the new way of thinking is that everyone should add my missionaries and follow their blogs. On occasions when the Spirit directs, you should make a comment either place (facebook or blog) on what they have expressed as a means to stimulate conversation and to bear testimony.

Are you freaking out a little as you read this? A pretty amazing thing, letting missionaries on facebook and the internet for that matter. Obviously they are very trusted missionaries that have this new assignment. They are struggling to feel like they aren't wasting their time on-line when they could be out talking to people face to face. We are just getting started, and I believe they will start having some great things happen as we get a little further along. The Brethren have been wanting to get the missionaries on-line for a while. They feel like we need to tap into the millions that are using social networks. We can use them for good.

If you want to read more about it here is a link to a blog that talks about our mission getting started santa rosa mission.

That is why I deactivated my old facebook and started a new one as SisterSusan Bunker. It is to be used for proselyting purposes. I also have a new blog susanbunker.blogspot.com. I know...another blog? I will try to put a thought on it a few times a week. I may be copying from you as you inspire me with your good thoughts. Just wanted you to know what we are up to. :) We are pioneers!!!

3rd treatment today...I'm getting my drip as I type. No hives. A 9 hr. day at the cancer enter. A 2 hr. drive both ways. My husband is a saint!

ten/ten/ten

Today in sacrament, one of the sisters in my ward (one of my favorites!), reminded us that today was 10/10/10. She suggested we think about ten things we are grateful for. I think I will follow her counsel.

1- My Testimony!

Believing in the gospel of Jesus Christ, knowing that my Heavenly Father loves me and hears and answers my prayers, feeling love and strength and forgiveness through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, knowing we have a living prophet on the earth today, this anchors my soul. It gives me hope!

"Hope is directly connected to faith in Jesus Christ. Hope is the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promises to us. It is manifest in confidence and optimism, and enthusiasm and patient perseverance. It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. The word hope is sometimes misunderstood in the world. In our everyday language the word often has a hint of uncertainty. In the language of the gospel, the word hope is sure, unwavering and active. Hope is the anchor of our souls. Hope is trust in God's promises. It is confidence that if we act now we will receive the desired blessings in the future. With hope comes joy and happiness." President Uchtdorf

2- My Family!

Many, many people make up my family and each one is precious to me. We are there for each other no matter what, and I know that! These people make me love and feel loved. I laugh and cry with them. I rejoice that I am eternally connected to them. They bring much joy and happiness to my life. (I was just eating the crust of a loaf of home made whole wheat bread. It reminded me of my Dad. He always ate the crust! I miss him. I love him. I am grateful he will be a part of me forever!)

3- My Friends!

I love my friends! I have felt so much love from my friends these past couple of months. I am so blessed to have the best friends in the whole world. They make me want to be a better person (friend), because they have shown me what it means to be some one's friend. I love to laugh with my friends. I love that they don't judge me, but rather pray for me. I am so blessed!

4- Sunshine!

There is something about the sun rising in the morning that refreshes my spirit and makes every feeling that the dark night brought on, go away! The warmth of the sun on my face gives life to my soul and vigor to my step!

5- Flowers!

I am grateful for flowers. Any kind! They all make me feel happy! They look beautiful and cheerful and lovely! I love flowers!

6- Mail! (e or snail)

I have been blessed with the funnest mail lately. And the thing I am most surprised about is that it keeps coming. It's like everyone planned when they will send something and it is being spread over the course of my illness and treatments. Mail is very uplifting! It always brings a smile to my face!

7- Advil!

I have pretty much decided advil cures everything. You name it, it will make it feel better! I am definitely grateful for advil. (I promise I am being careful not to take too much :)

8- My Beanie!

My black ski beanie has become my favorite style accessory of late. It makes me feel warm and covered and comfortable.

9- A Turkey Sandwich For Lunch!

This has become some sort of comfort food for me. It feels like a healthy mid day meal that treats me just right!

10- The Perfect Sugar Cookie!

It is final. The perfect sugar cookie is my most favorite cookie on the planet. I love them!

conference

can i just say I LOVE GENERAL CONFERENCE!? for many, many reasons!


one i will share...there is something right and good about a father and his son attending priesthood meeting together! i am so grateful that jon and tod have been together for the last couple here in the mission field! it does a mother's heart good!


this is the "gay" missionary pose! missionaries always give some kind of hand gesture in a photo. i had to share theirs! :)


my handsome boys!!!


this one shows how much taller tod truly is...i think jon is shrinking a little...and turning gray. at least he has hair though, right!? ~:-) (that is a one-haired smiley)

second round...

here i am, sitting in my chair, enjoying my chemo drip, a little bored, so i decided it was time for an update.

1-hailey's ankle is doing much better. she has a brace she wears to the gym with me, but she is taking the full two weeks off of soccer and p.e. mostly because our wards young men and young women are going to the temple on saturday, and it made it really easy to get out of the soccer game!

2- sadie came to town last wednesday evening as jon left town to go to san diego for our yearly mission president seminar. as she arrived, my hair started to come out. by friday evening after a shower, it felt like it was coming out in hand fulls. i definitely had a couple of bald spots and didn't really feel like i could hide it any more. so we put a #3 attachment on the clippers and away she went. her first experience of shaving hair and it had to be her mothers. she kept saying, "this is just sick and wrong." we would laugh and then cry and then laugh some more. i agree with her. no daughter should have to do that to her mother, but i'm sure glad that she could be here to do it for me! i now wear a wig or a hat every time i leave my house. (i think i am going to try a scarf tomorrow. i think they look pretty, i just need to try it around my house so i know it will stay on.) it is really surprising to me how quickly i got used to looking at myself this way. i still have a lot more hair than i thought i would! sort of a mohawk and hair in the back. i am doing a slow shedding thing...some day i may tire of that and take it off, but i think it helps keep some heat on the top. i am very happy to still have eyebrows and lashes!

3- hailey traveled with jon to woodland last sunday and was his speaking companion in stake conference. i am so proud of her! everyone keeps telling me how awesome she was...and most important she FINALLY got to meet cameron cuvelier. cameron has been on her mind since his parents had dinner at our house last november and they decided that cameron and hailey should get married. she is all for it! :) she is also speaking with her dad this week in the peterson lane ward. she is a trooper. one of these days i will have to get back out there and be a companion to my husband. i just never know what to expect about how i will be feeling when we get these invitations. i have decided i am just going to expect to be feeling well.

4- megan came in to town last night. she got today off of work and knew i was having my treatment, so i am glad she could come and be with hailey today and me the rest of the weekend. :) we got an earlier start this time, but it is still an all day affair. and having to be here at 9:30 had us driving in rush hour traffic and we will probably be leaving around 4:30-5:00, bad traffic again. we are going to have to figure this out better. we are excited to be with megs for the weekend.

5- i got a letter on friday that my oncologist here at stanford was leaving. she accepted a new job where she will just be working with research. i was a little shocked. today i met a new doctor. another woman. i liked her. i think she is a keeper. :)

6- kristen celebrated her birthday this week. she turned 28. she thinks she is old. what will she do when she is 49? i sort of missed tod's birthday on the blog altogether this year with my surgery and everything. he turned 26. i love my kids! they are pretty wonderful!


7- jon had a little get away this past weekend to san diego. i don't think it really helps because you spend all of your time in meetings and such, but he was away from our boundaries for a couple of days, with permission :), and got lots of great training! he got to see the larkin's. i know he loved that!


8- the end. i am finished with my drips...i get to go home now!

two on tuesday...

1- Hailey had a soccer game on Saturday. Things were going really well until she rolled her ankle.


When she came out for a rest, she was hurting pretty bad. She decided she wanted to keep playing. In the second half, she scored her first goal of the season. WOO-hoo! Pretty exciting!

At the end of the game, when she took off her cleats and socks, this is what her ankle looked like. YUCK! She's been pretty beastly though. Nothing stops this girl!




2- Pink Tie Tuesday...

In the California Santa Rosa Mission, our Assistants, Elder Eccles and Elder Abbott have instituted "Pink Tie Tuesday" in honor of Sister Bunker. Here are some of my handsome missionaries this morning, proudly wearing their pink ties!


Even my boys at home are sporting the pink on Tuesday. I love my boys!

Chemotherapy Report - Day 8

Today is Day 8 in a 21 day cycle. I am happy to report I am doing very well! I think I need to write a little about what has been going on for the last eight days...mostly so I never forget. :)

September 2, 2010-Day 1-Left home at 10:15.
Things I learned...
1) Stanford Cancer Center is very busy. Lots of cancer patients there...waiting. (I only saw two who were without hair.?) We waited to see Dr. Guardino for over two hours. It was rough. But I still feel like it is worth it, to be her patient, and to have her expertise! I really like her!
2) There are over 100 chemotherapy drugs.
3) I was finally told about some of the side effects I might experience. The worst information I was told though, was that most breast cancer patients gain 10 pounds during treatments. Are you kidding me? Ten more pounds and I will be too big for my fat clothes. :) I have a goal to do something physical every day! It should help both mentally and physically.
4) Nurses are angels!
5) The chemo didn't burn through my veins.
6) Jon takes good care of the sick and afflicted!
7) Left infusion center at 8 pm.
8) Slept well except for several trips to the potty, to drain the bladder.

September 3-Day 2
1) Wake up feeling good. Surprised that I don't really feel any different yet.
2) Go to gym with husband. It feels good to work up a sweat!
3) Do some missionary things I have been putting off. Catch up a little.
4) Waiting to feel bad, or lose my sense of taste.
5) Do the wash.
6) Sadie arrives for the weekend. She has such a tender touch.
7) Give myself neulasta shot. Almost mess it all up, but get the needle cover off after an hour.
8) Feel pretty sure I will feel it in the morning.

September 4-Day 3
1) Feel a little stiff and sore, but nothing too bad.
2) Go with Sadie to purchase wig. (big relief to get that accomplished)


3) Buy a new printer.
4) Take a walk.
5) Eat out for dinner. Have some frozen yogurt with strawberries and granola. Thinking it may be the last meal I taste for awhile.
5) Take it easy. Feeling a little worse all day. Still nothing advil can't help with.

September 5- Day 4
1) Go to church. Lots of talk about cancer and trials. It still feels good to be there.
2) Feel a little worse all day. Finally have the realization that I might feel sick during the next few months.
3) Sadie makes 8 meals to freeze for a later date. Good idea!.
4) Watch Freaky Friday with my daughters!

September 6-Day 5
1) Order hats and scarves. (last thing i feel like i need to accomplish before i become hairless)
2) Take a walk and have a nice lunch with my girls. (so grateful i can still taste food!)
3) Still a little stiff and sore. Mouth feeling really weird. Head feeling like my hair is growing the wrong way. Nothing that is too debilitating. Just moving a little slower.
4) Send Sadie back to Las Vegas.

September 7-Day 6
1) Go to district meeting! Need a missionary fix this morning.
2) Go to the gym with Hailey.
3) Feeling about the same. Try not to take any advil. Make it until dinnertime.

September 8-Day 7
1) Soreness and stiffness basically gone. A miracle.
2) Got a short hair cut.




3) Go to the gym with Hailey.

September 9-Day 8
1) Went for a walk. Santa Rosa is absolutely beautiful this time of year. The sun was out, the air was cool...I was in heaven!
2) Notes about having short hair. I don't particularly love my hair style, but I feel like a free woman with it. I am digging the freedom! I could shower 4 times a day now if I wanted! I lost .5% body fat this morning without it. :) It took me about 25 minutes to shower and be ready for the day! I washed my shoulders and neck for the first time in maybe forever! Hailey thinks I look younger...Jon agrees. My eyes might look a little bigger too. I wish I could keep it for more than a week and a half. It is hard to imagine I'm going to look like a cancer patient before I feel like one.
3) I feel so blessed. I am sure it is going to be worse next time, but I feel like I have been given three weeks I didn't know I would have. I can still taste food. (that is a big deal!) I can still wake up and make Hailey breakfast and her lunch before seminary, and drive her there. I can still exercise without ruining the rest of my day. I can still feel promptings of the spirit about things I can do for my missionaries and others around me. I can still be useful and helpful and not only dependent on others. I am so grateful.

My next post will not be about cancer, I promise! Thank you all for your sweet notes full of love and support. I am sure the reason I feel so well is because of all of your faith and prayers in my behalf. I know it is! I love you all!

breast cancer

For journal purposes only:

Dear Family and Friends,

I have been dreading writing this email, but it is time that it needs to be written so here goes. On August 2nd I had a routine mammogram. I received a message that they would like to do an ultrasound and look a little more closely. I was scheduled for the follow-up on August 11th. After the ultrasound I was told that I needed an ultrasound needle biopsy to figure out what was going on. They couldn't get me in for the biopsy until the 20th here in Santa Rosa. Jon called his good friends in Las Vegas and I was on a plane that evening (the 11th) to have the test done the next morning. By 4:30 that afternoon we knew the lump was malignant. I went and met with a surgeon at 6:00 and he pretty much lined out what would become my life for the next little while. I stayed over night so I could have an MRI done and then returned to Santa Rosa on the 13th. We welcomed some new missionaries on the 16th and that evening I was on a plane again to Las Vegas for surgery the next morning. The surgery went very well. I returned to Santa Rosa the next day (18th) and prepared to return to Las Vegas on Monday the 23rd with my husband to visit with the surgeon and an oncologist and see what they had to say. Wednesday the 25th we went to the Stanford Cancer Center to have a consult with a breast oncologist there. So, I finally have some news to share about what will be coming up.

My tumor was 1.5cm big (stage 1). The margins were clear. My lymph nodes were clear. My tumor was estrogen receptive and HR2-HRT (I don't know) negative. My oncologist at Stanford told me I was cancer free as she was talking to me, but that we needed to decide what we should do to give me the best chances at staying cancer free for the longest amount of time possible. Because I am so young (yes, people still think I am young)! and pre-menopausal, it is a little different. The decision was made that I need to have 4-6 treatments of chemotherapy, 3 weeks apart, followed by radiation therapy, followed by 5 years of hormone therapy (tamoxifin), followed by another 5 years of hormone therapy. By doing all of this I have a 5% chance of having the cancer return. That is all the clinical stuff.

I feel in my heart and in my soul so grateful and so blessed right now. Many miracles and tender mercies have happened since the 11th of August. As Jon spoke with Elder Clayton and shared this news with him he said, "Now you know why you were called to Santa Rosa and not to Uruguay." I really think we were called to Santa Rosa because "our" missionaries are serving here with us, but it has also made it convenient to get great medical care! The doctors that have cared for me are all outstanding, and I have felt so confident in their abilities and knowledge. I have felt the Lord's hand all along the way and I know I will continue to be strengthened and blessed to endure and overcome this disease. I start my first treatment on the 2nd of September. I should expect to lose my hair before my second treatment on the 23rd of September. The doctor felt like I should be able to handle the treatments well, being young (there's that word again) and healthy. :) We will stay in the mission field. I have decided if you have to get cancer, you may as well do it while you are serving a mission. I have the added blessing of the faith and prayers of 170 full-time missionaries, and people all over the world that pray for the missionaries. I am hopeful and cautiously confident that chemotherapy will be tolerable. We will see.

My gratitude and thankfulness must be expressed for my dear sweet husband and wonderful children. Every single one of them have been amazingly attentive and helpful and thoughtful over the last two weeks. Sadie flew back and forth with me when I was getting my diagnosis so I wouldn't have to be alone. Kristen came to Santa Rosa to help me for a couple of days and to be with Jon and Hailey while I was having my surgery. She had to feed the new missionaries on Monday night and help Jon with the departing missionaries dinner on Tuesday night (the day of my surgery). Tod and Megan spent the entire day at my side on Tuesday while I was having surgery and share the news of what was going on with everyone that knew. Tod has helped with doctors and results and gathering all of the information needed to take with us to Stanford. Megan came to be with Hailey while we were visiting with oncologists this week. Hailey has been smiling, doing dishes, making dessert for Zone Leader Council today and anything else that I have needed. But, more than all of those things, I have felt their constant strength and love and support for me. They have all been actively caring for their mother. It makes me feel like I haven't failed them completely (another tender mercy). They are amazing people and I love them with all of my heart. They give me so much to live for. :)

Jon is a fighter! He gives US a pep talk every morning while we're getting ready. Having him by my side makes me strong and faithful and believing! I am so blessed! I am so thankful!

This has gone on forever long. I apologize. I wish I could call and talk to each one of you in person, but it has been pretty hard for me to share the news. Sometimes I am great and sometimes I fall apart. I never know when the tears will come. I want you to know I am not afraid, and I know all will be well. I love each one of you! You wouldn't be receiving this email if you weren't someone special in my life! Thank you for being someone special! I would appreciate your prayers as well in our behalf. They give me so much added comfort and peace.

All my love,
Susan

breast cancer

For journal purposes only:

Dear Family and Friends,

I have been dreading writing this email, but it is time that it needs
to be written so here goes. On August 2nd I had a routine mammogram.
I received a message that they would like to do an ultrasound and look
a little more closely. I was scheduled for the follow-up on August
11th. After the ultrasound I was told that I needed an ultrasound
needle biopsy to figure out what was going on. They couldn't get me
in for the biopsy until the 20th here in Santa Rosa. Jon called his
good friends in Las Vegas and I was on a plane that evening (the 11th)
to have the test done the next morning. By 4:30 that afternoon we
knew the lump was malignant. I went and met with a surgeon at 6:00
and he pretty much lined out what would become my life for the next
little while. I stayed over night so I could have an MRI done and
then returned to Santa Rosa on the 13th. We welcomed some new
missionaries on the 16th and that evening I was on a plane again to
Las Vegas for surgery the next morning. The surgery went very well.
I returned to Santa Rosa the next day (18th) and prepared to return to
Las Vegas on Monday the 23rd with my husband to visit with the surgeon
and an oncologist and see what they had to say. Wednesday the 25th we
went to the Stanford Cancer Center to have a consult with a breast
oncologist there. So, I finally have some news to share about what
will be coming up.

My tumor was 1.5cm big (stage 1). The margins were clear. My lymph
nodes were clear. My tumor was estrogen receptive and HR2-HRT (I
don't know) negative. My oncologist at Stanford told me I was cancer
free as she was talking to me, but that we needed to decide what we
should do to give me the best chances at staying cancer free for the
longest amount of time possible. Because I am so young (yes, people
still think I am young)! and pre-menopausal, it is a little
different. The decision was made that I need to have 4-6 treatments
of chemotherapy, 3 weeks apart, followed by radiation therapy,
followed by 5 years of hormone therapy (tamoxifin), followed by
another 5 years of hormone therapy. By doing all of this I have a 5%
chance of having the cancer return. That is all the clinical stuff.

I feel in my heart and in my soul so grateful and so blessed right
now. Many miracles and tender mercies have happened since the 11th of
August. As Jon spoke with Elder Clayton and shared this news with him
he said, "Now you know why you were called to Santa Rosa and not to
Uruguay." I really think we were called to Santa Rosa because "our"
missionaries are serving here with us, but it has also made it
convenient to get great medical care! The doctors that have cared for
me are all outstanding, and I have felt so confident in their
abilities and knowledge. I have felt the Lord's hand all along the
way and I know I will continue to be strengthened and blessed to
endure and overcome this disease. I start my first treatment on the
2nd of September. I should expect to lose my hair before my second
treatment on the 23rd of September. The doctor felt like I should be
able to handle the treatments well, being young (there's that word
again) and healthy. :) We will stay in the mission field. I have
decided if you have to get cancer, you may as well do it while you are
serving a mission. I have the added blessing of the faith and prayers
of 170 full-time missionaries, and people all over the world that pray
for the missionaries. I am hopeful and cautiously confident that
chemotherapy will be tolerable. We will see.

My gratitude and thankfulness must be expressed for my dear sweet
husband and wonderful children. Every single one of them have been
amazingly attentive and helpful and thoughtful over the last two
weeks. Sadie flew back and forth with me when I was getting my
diagnosis so I wouldn't have to be alone. Kristen came to Santa Rosa
to help me for a couple of days and to be with Jon and Hailey while I
was having my surgery. She had to feed the new missionaries on Monday
night and help Jon with the departing missionaries dinner on Tuesday
night (the day of my surgery). Tod and Megan spent the entire day at
my side on Tuesday while I was having surgery and share the news of
what was going on with everyone that knew. Tod has helped with
doctors and results and gathering all of the information needed to
take with us to Stanford. Megan came to be with Hailey while we were
visiting with oncologists this week. Hailey has been smiling, doing
dishes, making dessert for Zone Leader Council today and anything else
that I have needed. But, more than all of those things, I have felt
their constant strength and love and support for me. They have all
been actively caring for their mother. It makes me feel like I
haven't failed them completely (another tender mercy). They are
amazing people and I love them with all of my heart. They give me so
much to live for. :)

Jon is a fighter! He gives US a pep talk every morning while we're
getting ready. Having him by my side makes me strong and faithful and
believing! I am so blessed! I am so thankful!

This has gone on forever long. I apologize. I wish I could call and
talk to each one of you in person, but it has been pretty hard for me
to share the news. Sometimes I am great and sometimes I fall apart.
I never know when the tears will come. I want you to know I am not
afraid, and I know all will be well. I love each one of you! You
wouldn't be receiving this email if you weren't someone special in my
life! Thank you for being someone special! I would appreciate your
prayers as well in our behalf. They give me so much added comfort and
peace.

All my love,
Susan

hailey the beautiful is home!

hailey made her way home monday night, the 9th of august, after a long, long summer away.
she is happy to be back!
she missed her parents!
her parents missed her!
life is good!

a few things that are new in hailey's life:

1- she has her driver's permit! she stayed an extra week in las vegas to get some drivers training...it has paid off. she is a pretty good little driver. i feel safe with her. i am happy. :)




2- she is playing soccer this fall! she is enjoying it! it is recreational...i am loving that! i had to miss her first game last saturday, but i am anxious to support her from the sidelines this saturday! she is worried she will be able to hear me. what?



3- she started school last tuesday! mixed feelings about that one. but she is officially a sophomore at maria carrilo high school. she doesn't mind school. she is a little bummed about all of her homework. she is working through it!


that is it for this week! we are so happy to have her back for good! i think the missionaries are too! :) woo-woo!