Final Fantasy : Advent Children

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

a little trip around the world.

holiday - Boys Like Girls
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I was younger I used to be wild
As wild as an elephant's child
No one could hold me down
No one could keep me around
Now it's your turn, take a shot
Baby show me everything that you got
Maybe you can keep me alive
Maybe you can get in my mind
But it's only a matter of time

Before I run far away
I need to take a holiday
Maybe it's a fall from grace
I gotta find a new place
A holiday
I'll set off on a new chase
I gotta see a new face
I need to take a holiday

My father, he was always wise
As wise as an elephant's eyes
He couldn't hold me down
He couldn't keep me around
So are you gonna take your shot?

It's the only one that you got
Maybe I'll go out on a limb
Maybe I'll jump in for a swim
When the lights go dim

You know I'll run far away
I need to take a holiday
Maybe it's a fall from grace
I gotta find a new place
A holidayI'll set off on a new chase
I gotta see a new face
I need to take a holiday
(Need to take a holiday)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

A new start
I've broken too many hearts
And I don't have any clue where to go
I don't know
But maybe I'll be back someday after my holiday

When I was younger I used to be wild
As wild as an elephant's child
And I don't think I'll ever change
I think I'm gonna stay the same

I'll run far away
I need to take a holiday
(need to take a holiday)
Maybe it's a fall from grace
I gotta find a new place
A holidayI'll set off on a new chase
(set off on a new chase)
I gotta see a new face
I need to take a holiday

A new start
I've broken too many hearts
And I don't have any clue where to go
I don't knowBut maybe
I'll be back someday after my holiday

All of the wasted time
The hours that were left behind
The answers that we'll never find
They don't mean a thing tonight
[www.lyricsmania.com]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
strangely i have heard this song about at least 80 times this 2 weeks.

word from blogger:"hello.sorry been busy =p.didnt have time to blog."

2 camps. many meetings. many self-reflections.many broken moments.
many laughs.almost NO tears.no self-reprimands. and some better sleep. =p.

i needed that song to run away.
i had to find where i all began.where i stopped.
wad was the process.
and how to get it running again.

hahax. tell you the truth.
i found my beginnings.
i am happy.
i found another path.

maybe i can veer off that sad road at last.
i found where BUM used to stand.
and i stood where he used to stand.
and i cried where he use to cry.

its like i went into the past.
dug the grave.
and went lived the past
and walked out with a new life.
---------------------------------
camps were great.
i made some closer frens.
CYF. was good.
but Mustard Seed was GREAT.

and to think i lived so much in the past.
that i forgot my future.
hahax. i am not completely cured =p.
but i have the remedy in my palm.

i shall blog MS camp another time.
as well as (at last) the story i wrote for someone
around 1 1/2 months ago. =p

but i made a great fren.
she needs music as much as i do.
hahax.
and she has a great sense of fun.
i shall blog about her soon.

i unconciously.withdrew my hand of friendship.to some.
some u know,some u have never met.
and part of it eats me.
to be so life-taking.
to nver share my life experience with them again.
issit irreversible?
i dunno.
thats wad bugged me.
to called to be a loving person to all.
a friend in need.
salt of the earth.light of the world.
yet.
i walked away from some.
cos i was hurt.
and i didnt wanna fight for friendship.

i have some people.
i have not said hi 2 for years.
its cos i chose not too.
thats my crime.my sins.my guilt.
and wads worse.i send more to that category every year.

and much worse.
when i heard that some frens.fell.
when i wasnt there.to help them.
and they couldnt find a loving hand to hold them up.
no one to be there for them,
no one who cared.
and i wasnt there for them.
in their hour of need.

that was CAMP for ME.
i realised.when i chose to walk away.
i fell alone.and i left my frens to fall alone as well.
"i was not called to be sucessful,i was called to be faithful"
- mother theresa.

camp was one of the most beautiful things.
that happened this 2 weeks.
my past.present and future.
were all linked there.

this is the spot.where BUM.found his soul.
. .
. .
. -------------marks the spot
. .
. .

the little world around me grew sad,
when i was too tired to care,
and hopefully the damage wasnt so bad,
that there isnt anything left to repair.

-the little brother u always wanted to smack,
but you couldnt seem to catch.
"lil^bum".

Cloud Forgiven | 9:12 AM

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

And i'm starting to believe that danger's never near, When Joanna is here.

Little Joanna -McFly

hahax. its been a while since i blogged.
busy as a bee.
and its 11.06pm.
still waiting to use the shower.

just came home...
as u can see i am busy as usual?
tonight wasnt poor time management.
it was church...hahax.

had 2 ICAs. which my lecturers liked.
veri happy. its so hard to get people to love your work.
of course.my ICA group are SMART people.
and efficient too!. bwahahahah.

*currently dancing to the song*
its really nice.
rather light-hearted after all that heavy duty.
i have to suffer!

6 new dota heroes are OUT!.
exciting! new opportunites!
its like LIFE is changing since i last blogged.
so many things.

went to cut hair...
alrite like.
i still look like a durian.
and a rambutan(pimples)....ugly like hell...me of course.hahax.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
tired. is a certainty.
trouble with my sleep.
it appears i am still bothered.
BUT. on the cheerful side.

i seem to have forgotten some things.
hmmm...maybe,maybe not.
but it doesnt matter.
it had to happen.

and i am in lurve.............
lol...
nah.
not really.

i cant fall into that 4 letter word.
sadly.maybe, MAYBE NOT.
playing lan.going out.being busy.
is kinda free-ing.i suppose.

if i didnt know better...i would say heartbroken is
the best state for me! hahax.
cos i aint obligated to care about anyone.
and i aint obligated to be someone i am not.

*still dancing*

sorry no funny quips for you. tonight.
dun have time to recollect wad happened the last few days.
so just pure spontanoeus blogging.
GUILTY!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
sometimes i am a sad case.
its like i have an illness i may never recover from.
i placed a wall.
and i didnt even realised i placed it there.

i tot i threw away such things.
but it appears.
that sometimes.
it just comes back to you.
when u fall.

why AR! why like dat.
oh dear.everyone does that some time or other...
so just take a CHILL PILL.
and dance to the song u are listening to.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
my holidays havent arrived. and i am due for
1 camp.
2 retreats....
and one fund raising...
and i onli got 2 weeks.

LOL.holidays?!! right.
not happening.
hahax.issit alrite to say i am interested in some girls?
even tho......
it shouldnt be allowed to happen.
maybe cause i am lonely in that aspect.
and i dun want to use a girl.
just to feel up some space.in my void.

cos u gotta respect em ladies u know?
u cant throw them away when u bored of them.
u are supposed to cherish them till u drop dead.
lol....all the CONDOR HEROES fault la.

i was watching it that day on chn U.
the xiao long nu said.(she is damn hot btw)
"if u loved your wife so dearly,why are u forcing me to marry you?"
" if u love her, someone else cant replace her"
" why dun u just build a statue of her?"

its confusing me...
which is wrong.
loving a memory in a statue?
loving someone else new?

like both sounds alrite to me?
i doubt there is a right or wrong for this...

BTW i realised something scary...
i have a thing for older women...
no la...its just that i meet more of the older ones.
cos of my abnormal bday.its a batch thing.

i have met a few cute younger ones.
HAIYO.
i know so many wonderful ladies.
hahax...*starts groaning*
i am turning desperate...
or something...
kkz. blog something more serious later!

this is for my neh neh and nana:
She will always be my sunkissed trampoline,
She goes up and down in my heart,
Turned into jelly beans
And I'm starting to believe that danger's never near,
When Joanna is here! - mcfly

Cloud Forgiven | 8:05 AM

Thursday, May 24, 2007

hahax.i have reached my peak.

i wanna grow old with you - westlife

nothing special this evening. cept my mei mei's bday!

hahax. happy bday u!
i have known you all my life.
i have walked as u have walked.
i have fallen as u have fallen.

Its been 17 years now.
things have changed so much.
yet, some little things still linger.
the person who was,is and is going to be.

hmmm. i am happy to say i am proud of you are now!
altho i still most certainly agree that u,like me, have plenty of space for improvement.
there always be things we will never see eye to eye.
but we are FAMILY, so its alright.

i apologise that i havent gotten u a gift,
its been a while since i got u something nice.
hahax.
pls hold on tight , while i try to get u something.

hahax. my apologies i am kinda tired now.
i cant blog much for you now.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
my eyes are closing.
the end of the day has arrived.
looks like i cant do anymore work tonight.
or play anymore tonight.

this week has been good to me.
my frens have passed their tests!
i am still on the brink of good health.
i still have great frens.

but , sadly.
i have gotten wearier.
new sources of energy are still streaming in.
but i feel exhausted.

i dun even wanna lift up my head anymore.
i just shuffle my feet.
planning for tomorrow?
nope.i just live for today.

maybe i just need another retreat.
a peaceful one. with me and God. and some quiet.
i know i havent done much.
but its like my body wont take much more.

hee hee, i havent done wad God wants me to.
but i feel like asking him to take me out.
i dun wanna play the game of life anymore.
i want to sit in olympia and drink nectar.

but when i think of the upcoming movies.
i get slightly excited.
i am thinking of watching 5 new movies.
some of u may be able to catch 1 with me =p.

anyway thats, it. i cant liaoz.
i gotta sleep. blog about NEH, CHOCOLATE and stories tmr. or sumthing.

Cloud Forgiven | 6:52 AM

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

this is about a friend.aha?

first cut is the deepest - sheryl crow.
(the song this time is in no relation to the title of the post.)

kkz. i decided tonight to dedicate this post to my fren angeline aka mehmeh

one of the reasons is also cause i screwed up her true friend test
scoring the lowest , and thus feeling a tinge of guilt.

another is cause i cant seem to read her blog tonight.
and it bothers me rather a bit.

how would i know her?
well i speak to her almost everyday. even when i dont see her.
nope.its not thru sms. or phone calls.
and sometimes she doesnt even noe i am listening.

so does that mean i am a SICK STALKING PERVERT?
nah...
she has a blog.
and i visit whenever i can.

why hers?
simply.
cos altho she doesnt put 100% of her most of the time in the post.
she does the best she can.
her blog SPEAKS to you.
(not that i care for the others' blog less)

if u read. u may understand.
her posts arent always polite.
but thats HER. and US as well.
if u must place a few F**Ks in your blog.
then do it!

no, i admit that she isnt my BEST pal.
BUT! i must say. she has endeared herself to me in her blogging.
no i dun really read all the words all the time.
but to see that paragraph soothes me.
at least i know she spoke to me. or others.

thats more than i can say for SOME. (u cant guess who.trust me.)
she is my fren why? cos she blogged.
i cant chat with her.
but i went thru her day with her in her blog.posts.shoutouts.

and thats one of her special charactheristics.
her good point.
its something that i would like to highlight.

to read a blog. isnt a curse.
its a PRIVILEGE.
so if u think that u need to READ a blog cos someone posted.
and that person owes you.
GO TO HELL.

the bloggers shouldnt have to DIE in gratitude for readers.
the readers SHOULD be dying to read.

true i dun tag her board.most of the time.
to let her noe i am there.
its a personal issue of mine, in no fault of hers.
but still.i read.

anyway i thank you for blogging.
its nothing short of a miracle.
it should never be taken away from you.
its more than words.

the most painful reaction to get is not.anger.hurt.dissapointment.
its indifference.
when love doesnt speak to you at all.
when no one cares about you anymore.
-BUM's sister(sara)

Cloud Forgiven | 9:45 AM

Sunday, May 20, 2007

dance floor 101

cry me a river - justin timberlake

getting to hear this song is tough. so hard to get a good quality of this song.

i like the lyrics of this song.

its sounds like something i went thru.

this is a story of how justin timberlake got thru. too.

my mind is troubled tonight.

and i dont know who to consult.

hahax.

i am done thinking.
i am done being reasonable.
i am done being fair.
i am done being calm.

i want instant gratification.
me.
me.
and me.

there isnt a YOU.
my final relic has returned.
now its time to return all thats yours.
memories.works.promises.

i aint keeping to my promises.
i aint keeping to my words.
i aint keeping shit.
its all outside the window.

"bridges will burn ,now its your turn to cry".-cry me a river(justin)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOLD ON! WAIT! HAVE I GONE CRAZY?!!!

wad am i doing?
ripping my core being.
for something.insubstantial?
selling my soul to the devil,for no reward?

there isnt a happy ending for me like this.
hahax.
its like attempting to get attention via a suicide act,
when even the police dont care.

but to be honest. i dunno whats going in my head,
calm in a minute,
gone in a flash.
madness lighting up the sky.

issit possible.that i am faking this?
caring more now that its over, than when it actually mattered?

ah.but nvm. we let justin advise for now.
its your problem,not mine.
i will settle my own sins,just like u yours.
let madness, reign for a while more.

"You were my sun, you were my earth
but you didnt know all the ways I loved you,no
So you took a chance, made other plans
But I betcha didnt think that they would come crashin down, no"........

"you told me you love me
Why did you leave me all alone
now you tell me you need me
When you call me on the phone"........

"You know that they say somethings are better left Unsaid
It wasnt like you only talked to him
And you know it (Dont act like you dont know it)
all of these things people told me keep messin with my head
shoulda been honesty
then you may not have thought it".......

-justin timberlake/cry me a river
(a man who got BETTER,not bitter)

Cloud Forgiven | 10:16 AM

Friday, May 18, 2007

the mirror of erised (desire)

psycho girl - busted

*forewarn*
Guys with girlfriends. try this.
close your girls eyes and play this song. and sing to it to her.
and just before this song ends. place a kiss on her lips.
see her response...

if she responds with a slap. she is normal.
if she responds with an insult. she is normal.
if she reponds by kissing you BACK! she is your PSYCHO girl =D

*disclaimer*
I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND!

!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!
back to blogging.

if i were to look into the mirror of erised....
(if u were PRO, you would know its from HARRY POTTER)
i would see...
i dunno.

perhaps myself lying in a coffin.
with a smile on my face.

WHY SO WEIRD ONE ?!!!

cos that means that i have done all i wanted to do.
and rest for eternity.

i desire fufilment.
but it hasnt arrived,
in the form i want it to appear.
i dun even know how i want it served
...

tell u about my SKILLS test.
i did badly and i passed.
i feel like shit.
i dun deserve that pass.

the simplest of the 3...
i couldnt even count my steps right...
my frens failed...
they deserved better...
its like i am depriving them of their right to pass...
my dissapointment in my self is there.

----------------------------------------------------------------
even worse.
my dissapointment is increased...
when i hear from others...
on wads happening.

i am hearing from people i havent seen for so long.
they try to advice me on wads going on.
this is how bad it is...
i am not surprised if everyone knows now...

perhaps it was wrong of me to post
about something so personal on this blog.
but really.
i am so dissapointed.

i expected more.
characther.

i almost relented.
ALMOST.
but i wont.
because it appears u still dun understand.
and i doubt your ability to change.
i am so so so dissapointed.
and still i wont tell u what the problem is.
i refuse.
and so u may never change cos i never told u the reason.

****************************************************

had dinner earlier.
with FERDY,JACQ,JEREMY,ALVIN,WENDY.
hahax. i tell u....JEREMY IS GONNA get us sent to jailed and beaten up.
he found a new WORD. its call PURNARDI.

ask him. he will be glad to tell u.
he went to almost every girl we walked passed..and asked if they had.
their size.
and FRESHNESS....

omgohies...he was about to say to 2 young ladies!
and surprise!
wendy's sister was one of them.
its like WAH LAN EH! SI BEI HENG U NEVER SAY SIA!
WENDY IS LIKE JUST BEHIND U SOMEMORE!

dinner was a great affair.
had something yummy. its called BAN MIAN.
and i made jeremy choke twice. YAY!
it was about NASI BABI!

ALVIN: wadcha guys want?
jeremy : ban mian
wendy *shakes head and moves to bak chor mee stall*
Bum : nasi babi
Alvin :Ban mian, nasi ba....ba....BI? EH BRO DUN HAVE LA.
Bum *bursts out laughing*
Bum : having ban mian *still sniggling*

yeap. i was naughty.
then we had SAMBAL KANKONG.
nice.
then walk walk abit at NTUC.
then go home lo.

today was fun la.
just like every other day.
its gotta be how u look at it.

there is always be something to be thankful for.
and today i had an opportunity to eat with friends.

It shows us nothing more or less than the deepest,
more desperate desire of our hearts.
Men have wasted away before it,
entranced by what they have seen,
or have been driven mad,
not knowing if what it shows is real
or even possible.

-albus dumbledore
(an extract from the philosopher's stone)

Cloud Forgiven | 10:49 AM

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Good morning.lolz...didnt want to study so i blogged.

*listening to song from IVAN's home blog page.*

"YEA!" and "OH DAMMIT!"
were the words of choice ytd evening.
hahax.by now u can guess...
we Dota-ed with jeremy,roy,alvin,romy,kenneth and YOURs TRULY.

basically i know why guys LIKE dota so much now.
cos its like PLAYING CATCHING without looking UNcool infront of the girls =p.
yes yes, we were re-living happy childhood.with VULGARITIES and HEATED comments.
i think it should be considered excercise cos my heart is pumping all the way.

was really pleased.i was LIKE "shooting" the U-KNOW-WAD! and stunning people.
and like i was holding up with a hero i tot i really sucked at.
of course stupid kenneth and jeremy was making run me from them all the map.
bwahahah....HOW to ONE on ONE a naix or centaur warchief.(dun act smart jerome =p)

supposed to be studying for my clinical tests.
2 years ago i would have been terrified at the thoughts of failing.
but now.its kinda embarrassing to say the least. maybe dissapointing to my parents.
but its alrite.

not too sure if i have turned worse.hahax.
i have traded attributes for one another.
slightly disturbing.i tell lies with no worries.
i never intended to grow up that way.
but it appears that you are forced to LIE in this world if u wanna live.
oh well its adjusting i suppose.

kkz------------------------------------------
we talk abit more on sat =p.
i dunno why my thoughts like to linger there.
...
woke up late as usual.
in the end jerermy came over to TPY station to pass me the clothes.=p
hahax. had milkshake with romy.
stained the clothes jeremy lent...

IT WASNT EVEN 10 MINUTES after he LEFT...
lol GOSH i am a freaking KLUTZ....

then i tagged along to ANGIEs house.
to bum here and there.
till meeting time.

then at at her house.
we got lost on the way.
went to some wrong floor.
and this weird family kept staring at us...

and i wanted to do an re-anactment of jeremy's KUA SI MI LAN JIAO.
i understanded that, between me and jerome, we take 5% of the world's
handsomeness.

so finally found angie's house.
tadaaa! i tot she renovated.
........it appears she changed furniture...
then i rushed to change clothes.
and chased ANGIE to her room.

lol. i looked like a freaking gay....no offense jeremy. too small la.
and i SCREAMED like a freaking sissy...
why...
cos...
of...
the...
freaking...

TERAPIN/TURTLE/tortoise/soup ingredients/WADSYACALLLIT!
angie was like on the phone...and pointing.
i was like ???
and then i turned.

AND OMG!
it was A MONGSTER! staring into my EYES! and it MOVED!
freaky!
and it wasnt IN ITS" BOWL!

no la...i was just kinda shocked to find another living being thingy next to me.(beside jerome)
and i almost stepped on the fella...
wad if it BIT ME?
i simply cant bear the the thought...BITTEN BY A tortoise.
OH THE SHAME! how to tell my frens...

then i shooed him to his BOWL...
which apparently. HE CLIMBS INTO THE BATHROOM FOR WATER!
its RATHER TALENTED!

what the hell. u might as well call it ANGIE, put it IN ANGIE's BED.give it ANGIE's LAPPY and
ask ENOCH to STEAD it.

thats an interesting thought....
kkz.
pause here.
i wanna practice some skills.
*rain check*

Cloud Forgiven | 5:54 PM