the happiest place on auraria parkway

in the name of crossing-things-off-the-summer-to-do-list, we (kyle, kyle o, meghan and i) went to elitches last weekend. in traditional nathaniel style, i've decided to rate the highlights of the day to help you and your friends plan out your most successful elitches amusement.

the mind eraser - b+

definitely a good coaster to start on to make sure your accompanying friends can hold their lunch. you have to wait the extra 2.5 hours to sit in the front though to get the whole effect. I'm pretty sure the other seats don't jerk your head back and forth like a pinball on the headrest (thus the literal name)

the boomerang - a-

a personal favorite. once again, a literal name (elitches is clever like that) - this coaster combines the forward acceleration of a car on a track with the backward umpf of a car going backward on a track. my favorite part of this ride was when they closed it down temporarily for "minor technical problems" while we were in line - those tricks really get people pumped for the rides. nobody wants to ride a safe roller coaster.

shipwreck falls - b-

this is our version of splash mountain, minus any singing robots and about 30 feet of drop. i would rank this one higher if the water that splashed all over us wasn't a lovely shade of asparagus green. also, this ride is not nearly as fun as standing on

the bridge at the bottom of shipwreck falls - a

anytime you can't even see blurry images of anything because the wall of water coming toward you is so thick, that's a good thing.

the seadragon - a-

the only appropriate way to go on this ride is to put half your group on one side and the other half on the opposite side. and then you have screaming contests. lucky for us, the entire ship agreed to participate. it was a lovely chorus and for the record (pay attention meghan), my side won

insanely huge blue snow cones - a++

except for the $280 pricetag

white water rapids - c+

this one looked really fun when it was 98 degrees, but then when it was hands-down the longest line we waited in and only about 32 degrees and raining by the time we got into our raft, it wasn't as fun. we pretty much all huddled in the middle trying to avoid even the smallest drop of dumb asparagus water. i think my favorite parts about this ride were the two random girls in our raft - one took her shoes off because she just barely drew checkerboards on them and didn't want it to wash off. the second because she just barely drew eyebrows on herself and didn't want them to wash off. she kept asking us "are my eyebrows gone?"

so because we waited in line so long to sit with miss no-eyebrows, by the time we got off it was lightning...ing and they closed the rides. we were bummed because we didn't even ride the grand daddy of rides. but a close second included going to

qdoba for dinner - a

best burrito place around in my humble (and true) opinion

after we were stuffed of burrito we found out that all the rides were open again, so we drove back to elitches and headed straight to

the flying coaster - a+

this used to be called the superman i think but then six flags sold elitches and everything went generic. so sad. what a crappy name. anyway, didn't change the quality of the ride. this thing was awesome! you climb up this little ladder into a pod and then it rotates you onto your stomach and you go through a coaster superman...i mean flying coaster...style. crazy feeling!

and finally...

merry-go-round

this one is too scary to talk about

who needs the kwik-e-mart?

why are apu and i so happy? because denver now holds one of 12 kwik-e-marts nationwide!

go us

on a slighter sadder note, the squishy machine was broken

usa! usa!

when planning your fourth of july holiday, there are four necessary ingredients:

1. camping – getting away from “it all” because “it all” reminds us why other countries don’t love americans

2. hanging out at a park – i think our founding fathers used to do this. they’d take their picnic blankets and frisbees to their local park when their hands were cramping up from writing the declaration of independence. we’re only following in their footsteps

3. bbq – all american!! except for the fact that both hamburgers and bratwursts originated in germany…and i’m sure most bbq grills are actually made in china.

4. fireworks – i know they say fireworks represent “bombs bursting in air” but i’m pretty sure they’ve come to define americans – colorful, loud and free to worship however they want (although i’ve never actually seen a firework at church)

i’m very proud (to be an america) to say that my fourth of july incorporated all four ingredients. i started off with a little camping trip. highlights included: strawberry flavored marshmallows (i know – exciting), learning to throw a frisbee with my thumb (way to go mr. thumbman!) and sleeping for almost 3 hours! (this is a significant increase from pretty much all of my other camping trips)

as soon as i got home, it was time for ingredient #2. so meghan and i ventured out to wash park, where the entire cast of the oc has been cloned and multiplied by at least a bajillion and then perfectly clad and positioned in one of a bamillion volleyball courts around the park. you’re only allowed into wash park if you look good in a bikini (boys and girls). meghan and i snuck in wearing our t-shirts and jeans when the bouncers weren’t looking. then we rented a paddle boat, because that’s just what we do.

in case you were wondering, paddle boating in a lake that’s about a half-mile in circumference can keep an average human being entertained for approximately 22 minutes. after that, you start chasing ducks to run them over and play games like “okay, you peddle with only your right leg and i’ll use only my left and we’ll see how fast we can go.” (p.s. you can’t go fast…ever…even if you’re both using all your legs. this is just the gospel of paddle boating apparently. who knew?)

next, we went to a bbq. plenty of brats and sauerkraut (also german – even though the name sounds american). amongst the people there, the only one wearing any sort of american-pride garb was the woman from britain…we played the game “battle of the sexes” over bbq. it reminded me of the revolutionary battle – except for the part where we answered questions and moved plastic pieces around a board instead of actually sacrificing our lives to defend our freedom.

and finally, we crawled up on the roof and watched a firework show that was being shot up well over 5 feet away from us. we were so close to the fireworks, we were literally covered in debris and ash once the show was over. and since nobody caught on fire, it was actually a very cool experience.

Happy Independence Day!!