Quick Update

I feel like much has happened since the last time I posted something. Been doing some serious thinking & I think it's mainly due to the fact that my life as a university student is coming to an end this week.

I attended my last Campus Bible Study talk today & I was reminded of the time when I arrived in Sydney, being worried about how my growth as a Christian would be affected by my move. However, I've since been overwhlemed with the way God has just managed to keep me His child & blessed me with so many amazing things -- at my time in College, CBS & Unichurch. I don't think even words can do it justice, but I am truly grateful to God for all that He's done while I've been here.

I've also been trying to sus out a few churches, while at the same time helping my sister find one where she can feel comfortable in. So on Sunday, we both visited Gracepoint church at Auburn (which is where she lives). The people there were so friendly & within seconds we had someone welcome us & talk to us. Almost everyone there was Asian & I felt really comfortable talking to other people from Singapore as well. The bible teaching was great & the people there really had a heart to serve one another. But in terms of what I'm looking for, it was very much a family church with not that many people my age. So, I think I might visit their other congregation of Burwood@Five sometime. We'll see how that goes & I'm still praying about it.

However, the really big thing which has happened is the news I received from my parents on Saturday. It turns out that my dad's office in Singapore is shutting down & they're posting him to the office in Sydney. That means my family is almost definitely moving down here next year & it seems to be pretty soon. But they also expect my sister & I to move back in with them to our house in Baulkham Hills. I'm not really sure what to make of that, as it affects some of the things I've been thinking about recently & what's best in terms of my plans for ministry.

All in all, exams are only a week away & then I'll be back in Singapore soon, giving me a chance to sort stuff out with my parents & also talk to them about my plans for MTS. Scary thought... but I just have to keep trusting God & praying about it.

A Gentle Reminder

1 John 4:9-10 -- In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
1 John 4:19 We love because he first loved us.

It's so easy to place emphasis on the way others view us. Not just our outward appearance, but our behaviour, etc. This is true for me at least. And when we don't feel loved by others, we feel unworthy & upset. We forget the simple truths -- that God loves us & we should be wanting to please Him.

I visited my counsellor again the other day. I hadn't been to her since before the winter break, even though she said to. Anyways, after talking for a bit, she said that she thinks I feel unloved by others & I have lost my sense of self-esteem or self-worth. She said I feel trapped by my emotions & I'm confused about where I'm going. That seemed to sum it all up pretty well.

I finally told my family about my struggles of depression. It wasn't an easy thing to do & the reason why I hadn't before was because I was afraid that them fussing over me was going to make it more of a big deal when I really just wanted to pretend everything was ok. But praise God that they were really supportive about it. I just don't want people to look at me any differently.

The one thing that I was really encouraged by was when my mum said that she was praying for me & that she knew that I was getting through it because of my faith. And that's so true... the reminder that Jesus is the only one I want to be living for because He loved me enough to die for me is one thing I won't forget. So the same prayer I pray again... that I would love the LORD with all my heart, strength, soul & mind. I know I can fully depend on Him & that He will never disappoint me.

And for those who have really helped me through the difficulties & stress, I really do appreciate it & thank God for the gift of your friendship.

I guess it's back to my assignment again...

After a While...

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soulAnd you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child.

And you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.

After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

After A While
©1971 Veronica A. Shoffstall

Eschatological Thinking

Col 3:1-4 If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. 3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

After being away at the Challenge conference for the weekend (which was really great by the way), I came back being encouraged to have an eschatological view on things of this world, especially when the going gets tough. I look forward to the day when we are in heaven with our Father. Praise Him so much for the hope that He gives us.

It was also a reality check that ministry is never easy & that people pour their lives out for the sake of the gospel. I think God uses various situations to build us into godly Christian soldiers, so we can be more like Christ, & so we are able to endure hardships to pour our lives out for the sake of others.

Pleae pray that I'll continue to be trained in godliness & to work out what that means in terms of struggling to talk to my parents about my thoughts for the future. The talks at the conference were really emotional for me (I cried a few times because of that) because it made me think about how afraid I am to do that. But hopefully, God will give me enough courage to be able to do it. Short-term sufferings for eternal glory. I think that it's worth the trade-off. =)

Emotionally Drained

我真的想了太多。。。 心里真的好乱。。。要好好休息。。。。管不了。。。

Been thinking way too much... I'm really confused... need a good rest... not to care about anything...

你是不会明白的。。。

You won't understand...

God please give me strength & wisdom & help me to love my brothers & sisters in Christ. May I trust you more...