Wednesday, February 22, 2012
11:49 PM
Wow! Its almost a year since i last logged on to blogger. I'm surprised i can still remember the password. I've been so busy that i don't have time + don't bother to update. HAHA!
The reason why i'm here is because i'm totally bored. I drank coffee a few hours ago and i feel so energetic! Holidays are here and i feel free like a beeee..... (Not exactly)
This evening, i met up with Aunty Heidi. I received an SMS from her two days ago saying that she wants to meet me for coffee. And I obviously agreed. I had a good talk with her and was reminded once again of her late husband. Sometimes i see uncles in NUH that looks like him too. Oh well, I don't feel at all sad because i know that he's in a better place. I remember ps patrick telling me once, "The comfort is knowing that the patient is with the Lord, but the pain is knowing he's not."
Oh well, i shall share something encouraging! I read this to Cai Hong last year cause i thought it was amazing. It's a testimony from the book, "God in the storm". Here it goes...
"God visited me last Thursday night, while I was in bed. I had not been able to sleep that night and i remembered getting up to use the bathroom around 3am ... I did not see a vision, or feel the flutter of angel wings, or hear a still small voice. But I had sweet communion with Him. I remembered words from Him flooding my soul. The words did not enter my ears, but I felt like my mouth was wide open, and I was eating them up. In the last few weeks that I had been in pain, I had asked God over and over, "Why are you allowing me to suffer this pain? It is of no benefit to you, or me. This is so meaningless!"
But that night, He came and explained to me why. He knows the pain i was going through, but He wants me to experience this pain so that i can understand fully the pain that His dear Son endured... I have been a Christian for a long time. I have accepted God's gift of His Son on the cross for my sins. But I had never fully understood why Jesus had to endure the agony on the cross. That night, i understood why. Enduring the pain and suffering was part of the price He paid for us, since pain was part of the punishment for sin. I also finally understood the awfulness of sin; it leads to pain and death, which I would have to endure in hell had it not been for my Saviour. Having this pain from pancreatic cancer reminds me of the awfulness of sin and its consequences, and allows me to appreciate fully what is cost God to redeem us.... He put everything in such clear perspective, so that I could understand the whole panorama of his great redemptive plan for man. I remember thinking, let this last forever ... During the visit, He did not indicate to me if He was going to heal me. It did not occur to me to ask Him. At that time, it did not seem to be that important. "
Saturday, April 23, 2011
11:20 PM
What a hectic & exhausting week. I haven't had a good rest for many days already...
I went to Uncle Koh's wake again on tuesday. Thought that it was the last thing i can do for him and for the family and so i decided to go in the afternoon after going to the kindergarten in the morning. Also because i didn't really get to talk to them on monday night because there were sooo many people.
I went there with a heavy heart, but left without any feeling any burden. The illness was definitely part of God's plan and i got to know how God used the last few hours of his life to be a blessing. He has left behind a legacy!
Wednesday was a super exhausting day for me. I was at the kindergarten from 9am to 5pm and it was my last day there, so i had many things to do. The chinese teacher was asking me to teach her how to do some portpolio thingy. HAHHA! The principal treated me to a good lunch too! I actually told them many many times that wednesday will my last day at the centre, but the K2 teacher told me that she's bringing the K2s to an outing on thursday and kept asking me to go with them because she needed extra teachers. I hestitated for a long long time but then since she said it's only from 9am to 11am, i agreed to help her. After that i went to kelly's hse for TGIF rehearsal and only left at 9 plus. The super tired me was stupid enough to wait 20mins for 178 that was going the wrong direction. I was sleeping on the bus and i ended up at woodlands. I was soooo uspet man.
On thursday, i was supposed to go outing with the K2s, but when i reached the centre, the teacher told me that i can't go with them because the nursery teacher is on MC and so i had to go be a relief teacher at the nursery class. I felt so cheated man... Plus i was super exhausted.. I went to nursery class and i was feeling super miserable, so after that i went to hide inside the toilet to cry. I was really really really really upset you know... I feel that they really took advantage of me and i was once again complaing to God and asking Him why on earth did He call me back to the centre. But after crying i felt better and so i went back to the nursery class and pretended as if nothing happened. so miserable right? Somemore i had to stay until 1pm.
But an hour later, i received aunty nancy's sms : "Just want to text to say, I deeply appreciate your love and commitment to the Lord. Just as the Lord has fulfilled Edward's desire, the same Lord grants the desire of yours as you faithfully give yourself sacrificing for His work."
ahhh... that msg changed everything. Indeed, God knows what we need and always know when and how to meet that need.......
Monday, April 18, 2011
11:48 PM
Yesterday when i woke up, i received Aunty Nancy's sms that uncle koh is in ICU and doctor said that he is unlikely to pull through.
I went out to the living room and saw my only orchid flower withering. This orchid flower meant something to me.
Weeks ago, Aunty Nancy shared with me about her orchid plant that she has kept for 3 years and it only had leaves. she did not water it regularly and didn't bother giving it any nutrients, but just a month ago, one purple orchid came out of the plant. She told me that the story behind the orchid plant is hope. The orchid plant did not have water or nutrients, but a miracle happened and the flower bloomed. At that time, uncle koh was not eating anything and he really didn't have the nutrients, but Aunt Nancy encouraged us and said that God can still bring the miracle.
I've always been encouraging mrs koh that there will be a miracle. And i always believe that God is doing something in his family and he will be healed. When i received the message, I was really upset because I really thought that God would heal him. But God prepared my heart when I saw the withered orchid. Later in the afternoon, Aunty Nancy told me that Uncle Koh has gone home to be with the Lord.
So today, I went to the wake, together with kelly. I really thank God that she went with me. I totally cannot imagine myself going alone. There was service at night and uncle koh's friend went forward and shared that there was once when he visited mr koh and he had to take 4 pills. He looked at that friend and said, "Every pill i take, i will thank God."
The other day, aunty nancy was sharing with me that during uncle koh's first round of chemo, he was vomiting blood and the bed was soaked in blood, but he told his wife, "Trust God."
This uncle & his family has been such a blessing in my life. The whole family has been through so much, but they are always giving thanks to God. Seriously, they have really gone through so much. I've seen how the family cling on to God during those difficult times, and i am so encouraged by them.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
11:53 PM
When i was planning for this week, i told myself that i should set aside one day to go to NUH. So i thought that thursday would be good. Since friday afternoon is always super packed and i can't make it on saturday. I haven't been serving in hospital ministry for about 5 months already. I've been thinking a lot about it and was initially abit uncertain if i should continue serving in this area. I think last night was one of the worst nights ever. I didn't really get to sleep and i kept thinking about a lot of things. I had many many dreams throughout the night and in my dreams, i was contemplating if i should go NUH. I don't know why i was filled with fear and I suddenly felt so terribly scared that i really don't want to go NUH anymore. I woke up feeling so frightened and lost. And i also don't really know why. I got out of bed and told myself that i shouldn't entertain those thoughts so i went to play the piano. It took me a long long time before i finally decided to go NUH. I was supposed to reach there at 11am, but i only left home at around 11am. I was still feeling a little scared when i reached. I was thinking, "Oh no, would i get to talk to anyone today?" The first patient i met was rather negative. She is an old lady and she kept talking about the patients around her passing away. Not long later, her family members came so i said byebye to her. After that i saw uncle koh! He is the one who invited me to his baptism last year but i could not go because i was overseas. I was very surprised to see him, and i was even more shocked when i saw his condition. I actually felt very very sad when i saw him because his condition deteriorated so much that i could not accept it that moment. He could not walk and could not talk properly and i didn't know what happened to him. Awhile later, his younger sister came. I've met his wife several times but i've never met his sister before. So she asked me who i was and then she started preparing the food for uncle koh. So there was silence for a quite some time. Then she suddenly looked at me and said, "Hey, I think your presence is really encouraging! Actually i was feeling very down in the morning and i just sent prayer request to my 2 friends. You know, I'm really glad to see you here." I stun for a few seconds before telling her that i had a terrible morning too and what she said really encouraged me. So we were talking and i trying very hard not to cry. Haa! To cut the long story short, i went to the kopitiam at NUH main lobby with her to have a drink and we chat for another 1 hour plus. HAHAH! And she prayed for me after that.I think God is so good! I'm sure it is his divine plan for us to meet. It's like our presence encourage each other! HAHA! And she also encouraged me and affirmed me of my work in hospital ministry. And you know what? She is taking a counselling course now and she shared with me some of her experiences and some counselling tips. HAHAHA! I can't be more certain that this is the ministry that God has called me to serve! HURRAY! I FEEL SO EXCITED NOW!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
10:37 AM
你钉痕的手
你钉痕的手, 抚慰我伤口,
要亲自医治我的痛.
看这你的手,想到你的痛,
我顿时忘掉自己一点点的痛.
主请教导我,不要那么在乎痛.
让我也能够被骂不还口.
让我时常看到你钉痕的手,
知道我的痛, 永远不及你的痛.
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"Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into the hope of our future." ~Lewis Smedes
Monday, February 28, 2011
8:35 PM
woohoo! i just got a new hair style. HAHAHAHA! Anyway, recently theres a lot of interesting things happening.... Take for example, last night, i was talking to one of kelly's student. I taught her maths last year during the saturday remedials. And i found out that her aunt's sister is actually my attachment kindergarten principal! and i know her cousin too because her cousin is from fuhua secondary. HOW INTERESTING RIGHT? I was so excited last night that i could not sleep. i think i slept at 4am. soo interesting man! Anyway, im planning to go visit the teachers at the kindergarten sometime during my holiday. & at the same time, visit the kids there (Arthur). Another interesting thing is that my mum told me that shes going for mission trip on 12 march. shes going to teach the children, in indonesia, english. And that's when in cambodia. So, while im teaching the cambodians, my mum is teaching the indonesians. How cool is that? Ok, there's another pretty interesting thing. I called Mdm Ngai yesterday and i was so shocked when the person said i called the wrong number. I called from my handphone so there's no way the number is wrong. So i was really really scared and worried cause i thought that i wont be able to contact her anymore. But in the end, i realised that i saved the wrong number in my phone, and i've been sending this "mdm ngai" sms and i rmb that she replied me once. So i was totally laughing at myself. So anyway, im going to visit mdm ngai next week! woo! i'm pretty excited about it! & she said she was thinking of me and wondering why i so long never contact her. HAHA! Anyway, there is someone who is really testing my patience! I'm not sure if this person is doing it on purpose but i am starting to get annoyed (not a good sign). & i'm not too sure whats the right thing to do. Well, i'll just have to pray about it.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
10:16 PM
Hi folks! I shall start off with a cute photo of arthur! Ain't he adorable?
It has been a long time since i last blogged. I think i kinda lost interest in blogging. But anyway, i decided to take a breather from studying, so here i am....
I've been REALLY BUSY for the past few weeks. Firstly, i had tons of assignments to complete. Next, i had to plan for the children's programme for the cambodia trip. Finally, i had to prepare for my exams. And ofcourse, recently, theres a lot of things on my mind..
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I think i'm super power! last friday i slept for less than 5 hours and i was at redhill from 8.20am to 10.20pm the next day! Since then, i've been cooped up in my room, studying from morning till night. And each day, i set the time of my alarm clock early and early. And i realised that everytime i take a break, its either a toilet break or a snack break. I keep eating you know! I ate a total of 16 dumplings today- for breakfast, lunch and teabreak.
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So this routine of studying and eating is going to continue until saturday. OH, I can't wait for saturday. After that, i'm going to be busy again! I'm looking forward to a good break.......
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This is how my wall looks like now. my STUDY timetable and two rows of sticky notes. There will be lots more coming up...
