Lost In Beauty-

03 May 2014

What happened to me ? Ya. I guess over the years i've changed, changed for someone i loved so much until i couldn't recognize myself. A boy, a man, a cold hard steel or a self-deceiver. 3 years was long. That's what i realized when the hard brick truth slam hard into me. Months of deceiving myself.

Finally the weight seen to lighten itself. I know what i need to do. To move on. Be myself back. Tho i will still look back but the santance she said, "We will never be together again." echos in my mind to continue moving forward. She wouldn't be at my ending point cheering and waiting to hold my hands to where ever we gonna be.

Now what i need to do is to add a "D", moveD on.

~the beauty exposed~

28 July 2011

Wake up early at honey's house today. For once i was warm because of her comforter(blanket) so her fan was more or less unaffecting me at all. 8am, i wake her up but she was bit lazy in bed and said she had headach. Aw, sayang her back to sleep. I just want to watch her cause she is kinda cute to me when asleep. Though of blogging but the pace of updating just kill the mood to do so.

Haha, finally my sleeping beauty woke up liao wor ~~! 11+am, guess you could count that as lunch time liao ba. As usual when to nearby KFC to eat. Tho i left not much money but well, for my honey, who care even if i goes pok ar. Think she just kinda addicted to the boxmaster liao ba. Spicy but somehow she starts to take it somemore eat the whole of it herself *wow*. Well there is her cheesefries also to go with it ~~ *yummy*

Sadly, i had to go homey soon, kinda "promised" to go training cause sir wk held it just cause got people going ma. Not good if last minute say not going and waste his time after work just to train us. Haiz ... honey can't pei me due to the lateness and traveling distance back home for her.

On the way back home, bear bear sleeps, energy bar charging back up. Doesn't have much sleep cause yesterday been crying and not proper sleep(having nightmares). Reach back home are 3 plus ba then rest until 5 before tidying up my room and stuff for training later.

This time i remember to tell my honey what i'm doing so she will not be worried about me ^^v Training is bit fun ba cause of those new combos footwork and things ...... bit funny to see weird things pop out when you can't do them ba. Thank that i didn't injure much but a sore thumb from stanley's kick(turning kick also can off aim hit my hand) *ouchs*

When home to eat cause want to save money to spend on my honey. Reach home, eat finish and rest before going bath ba~

I am a jinx ! Those that are close to me always had troubles befall on them ! I do not wish to see those i love get hurt !

Honey called me. Wonder why does she call me, looking at my phone, there is no mis-message. Puzzled, i took it but all i heard is weird noises. Listen closely, she is crying..... I was like WTH, why is she crying. Only then i was put on loud speaker with her parents. Then i knew she been skipping school for 14 days. WHAT ! i no idea when she got skip so much beside one or two day that she said was headache or late for school no attendance.

Her dad keep asking me if i knew she skip school, asking if i think that was right, asking if i the cause of all this. I was dumbstruck to even knew what i was replying but i think i was totally calm then and fend off every question without his anger from raging(could hear from his tone) or getting honey into trouble. Try to convince that her being sick was more of reason not going school. Wonder what i am doing.

Guess my nightmare came true.

Know what my nightmare ? I been refusing to tell honey cause i was scare every time. For info, i never had dreams but IF i had, it would 100% came true with 1 week-3 years. Ever seen i'm small, I could see bits of piece of future(i not fortune teller, neither am i physic). You could just say it is Dajavoo or daily life reflects but i'm sure is not. I could always feel cold for no reason frequently even on hot day. Is like from inside out. I had this dream yesterday that i been chased out by her parents while they slam the door at my face. Fearing it may come true, i decided not to say a thing hoping reality would be opposite of what you dream.

I couldn't sleep, too worried, too fan, too confused, too scare ...... i just want help ...... felt like drowning ...... my tears keep flowing out. I just ...... i ...... i

~the beauty exposed~

15 January 2011

Finally half way through ...... 3 weeks no blog ? Die liao ma ? na .... bearbear where got so fast die ...... but going to if it continuous like this.

Lets see ...... Attended winnie's birthday, gone for TP open house, "Free-lance" BL for BA(beauty therapy) and OH (Office skill) ...... Mind you i definately not hao se(pervert) guy who keep going BA to look at girls ok .... most time was at OH with xiangxiang and forgot her name cause they 2 new to conducting games la so ... haha .... CCA is killing me ... never slept for 2 days because of it ...... always get scolding from sir for not doing well of expected and unexpected event to occur. But half way through was messed up cause all *weeee* throw to flyer ...... standard of Sir jason ... haiz ... ok lor ... just follow nia ...

Ate lunch with tingting and lucas opp. TP after their balloting for tournament today ...... next was back to sch and repairs those headgears. Or else sure get scolding again .... aiyoyo ...... when to pei patty halfway ...... kinda dunno what to do when she is bit down ...... because me ma ? idk ...... just though somehow i'm the cause ...... i'm always the cause of every unhappy de ...... haiz ...... better dun get near me if want be happy.

So i guess that's all for today ... ciao ...

~the beauty exposed~

31 December 2010

Last 2 days had been a very great fun moments. Tho is cold, tho is wet, tho is trembling but still have joy. Could say tired but nothing compare happiness to flying in sky.

Today is last day of 2010. Count down ? ...... with who i wonders ...... gan mei working, with families ....... friends ...... makes me this that i'm just a drift wood in sea right now. Each and every special day would to share with but just ...... haiz ...... Maybe i should just slept through my way into 2011, maybe woke up acting shocked that it's 2011 and i forget to celebrate it.

~the beauty exposed~

26 December 2010

Thinking about the "Sms you later", "Sorry busy now", "Msg you tml", "Confirm with you later" ...... All this never came. I start to get used to it bit by bit, everytime you said and ended up nothing but thin air. I start to realize i shouldn't cling on to the single hope that you are really occupied and would eventually message me sooner or later. What am i hoping for ? A single sorry ? This is me right now, walking away from the spot that i been waited for like eternity.

Guess i really a good actor and would definately be the next star actor cause everytime i with you, i always put up a strong front. Wearing a mask to show how happy i am even in front of her face when i hear her talking on phone, care so much about him even when it feels like knife kept slashing in my heart. Concealing tears that swell up behind my eyes, looking else where to blink away the silvery reflection of it, controlling my voice not to give hints of soreness, grip myself tighter to stop my trembling. Strong walls that building brick by brick around my heart shutting itself sealed tight so that no one will see, no one will know, no one will ever come in again. Maybe i should even put a "DO NOT TEAR DOWN!" sign. I just couldn't bare my heart to revived just to bleed to death again.

I just get used to it ...... me being alone ......

~the beauty exposed~

24 December 2010

So ... what day is it today ? Guess it ? no ? give clue ...

Clue:

Got it ? Yup , Christmas Eve !!! Actually got 3 plans, 1 go out with my TKD mates, 2 go to musical from ex-church(ya cuz i no longer there) and 3 with someone special. SOOOoooo.... so many to choose how ? can't split myself into 3 you know ...... but ya ... kinda sad la ...... every christmas is same for me, nothing special seen i always alone de ...... dun ask me why but ya; alone.

TKD mates all want rest seen training continuous for like 4 days straight ? even ironman will fail de la ...... someone special didn't want to go ...... so that's 2 down liao ...... still last one is to attend musical production. Not that i want to go seen i totally gone from there. It's like no returning road and sick of those acts inside but go because is invited by pris aka fishball, one that really like big sister to me. She like only one not acting or do things for sake of some stupid objectives (that why you know why people does dislike Christians, somehow like sales promoter). People go in also got objectives, some want friends, some for chio girls, some for hunks ... who cares, definitely not kind for me.

So you ask me how i going to pass my christmas ?

Prolly walk on some streets alone

~the beauty exposed~

23 December 2010

Didn't got out today with wanyi again ... ai yoyo ... wanted to go NEX but she scare i not reach my training in time so cancel it and shop herself for presents. So afternoon i just have a long long nap seen no one chio me out. Haha near 4 i woke up by vibration of my phone .... RUYAN ! not scolding la ... just lucky u sms or i sure sleep until shiok, =night time.

Yup training moved to today cause tml is christmas eve ... teehee so good right ... hmmm what else le ... half way through training stop liao cause back cannot take it ...... walao !!! expected to recover in half year time ... siao longer then that time i injure my instep that took like 1month+ ? wonder how my tournament going to go ......

FASTER HEAL ~!~!

~the beauty exposed~