<body> Lost In Beauty-
Know me ......

SRMF
Lee Wei Xiong
aka Bear Bear

~Male
 ~24 years old
 ~31th August 1990
 ~Virgo
 ~bearbear_1990@hotmail.com
 ~98256734

 

Touching......

  • January 2010
  • February 2010
  • March 2010
  • April 2010
  • May 2010
  • June 2010
  • July 2010
  • August 2010
  • September 2010
  • October 2010
  • November 2010
  • December 2010
  • January 2011
  • July 2011
  • May 2014

    •

    Open heart......




    Warm hands

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    .
    .

    31 December 2010


    Last 2 days had been a very great fun moments. Tho is cold, tho is wet, tho is trembling but still have joy. Could say tired but nothing compare happiness to flying in sky.

    Today is last day of 2010. Count down ? ...... with who i wonders ...... gan mei working, with families ....... friends ...... makes me this that i'm just a drift wood in sea right now. Each and every special day would to share with but just ...... haiz ...... Maybe i should just slept through my way into 2011, maybe woke up acting shocked that it's 2011 and i forget to celebrate it.

    ~the beauty exposed~

    26 December 2010


    Thinking about the "Sms you later", "Sorry busy now", "Msg you tml", "Confirm with you later" ...... All this never came. I start to get used to it bit by bit, everytime you said and ended up nothing but thin air. I start to realize i shouldn't cling on to the single hope that you are really occupied and would eventually message me sooner or later. What am i hoping for ? A single sorry ? This is me right now, walking away from the spot that i been waited for like eternity.
    Guess i really a good actor and would definately be the next star actor cause everytime i with you, i always put up a strong front. Wearing a mask to show how happy i am even in front of her face when i hear her talking on phone, care so much about him even when it feels like knife kept slashing in my heart. Concealing tears that swell up behind my eyes, looking else where to blink away the silvery reflection of it, controlling my voice not to give hints of soreness, grip myself tighter to stop my trembling. Strong walls that building brick by brick around my heart shutting itself sealed tight so that no one will see, no one will know, no one will ever come in again. Maybe i should even put a "DO NOT TEAR DOWN!" sign. I just couldn't bare my heart to revived just to bleed to death again.
    I just get used to it ...... me being alone ......

    ~the beauty exposed~

    24 December 2010


    So ... what day is it today ? Guess it ? no ? give clue ...

    Clue:

    Got it ? Yup , Christmas Eve !!! Actually got 3 plans, 1 go out with my TKD mates, 2 go to musical from ex-church(ya cuz i no longer there) and 3 with someone special. SOOOoooo.... so many to choose how ? can't split myself into 3 you know ...... but ya ... kinda sad la ...... every christmas is same for me, nothing special seen i always alone de ...... dun ask me why but ya; alone.

    TKD mates all want rest seen training continuous for like 4 days straight ? even ironman will fail de la ...... someone special didn't want to go ...... so that's 2 down liao ...... still last one is to attend musical production. Not that i want to go seen i totally gone from there. It's like no returning road and sick of those acts inside but go because is invited by pris aka fishball, one that really like big sister to me. She like only one not acting or do things for sake of some stupid objectives (that why you know why people does dislike Christians, somehow like sales promoter). People go in also got objectives, some want friends, some for chio girls, some for hunks ... who cares, definitely not kind for me.

    So you ask me how i going to pass my christmas ?

    Prolly walk on some streets alone

    ~the beauty exposed~

    23 December 2010


    Didn't got out today with wanyi again ... ai yoyo ... wanted to go NEX but she scare i not reach my training in time so cancel it and shop herself for presents. So afternoon i just have a long long nap seen no one chio me out. Haha near 4 i woke up by vibration of my phone .... RUYAN ! not scolding la ... just lucky u sms or i sure sleep until shiok, =night time.

    Yup training moved to today cause tml is christmas eve ... teehee so good right ... hmmm what else le ... half way through training stop liao cause back cannot take it ...... walao !!! expected to recover in half year time ... siao longer then that time i injure my instep that took like 1month+ ? wonder how my tournament going to go ......


    FASTER HEAL ~!~!

    ~the beauty exposed~

    22 December 2010


    人往往都是现实的。。。看到立意半没好学位（有好成绩与有个屁）， 没有兼职的工作， 有再多的时间陪她也没有用。 居多和你一两天就离你而去， 只应为她要人疼和关怀的感觉。。。。。。

    一侧都是短暂的， 熊熊要记得不要太认真， 不要靠近每个人。 即使靠近了了也千万不可喜欢。 把心好好的放在保险箱里， 把钥匙仍进海里。

    ~the beauty exposed~

    21 December 2010


    Count down of 1 month to another match ...... this time i really dunno what to do. See the encouragement from ... just make whole of me heavy. Will i get headshot this time ? Will i be able to think clearly ? Will i ignore everything and just be a player in the ring ?

    Why do i have to get selected ...... while my friends are out ...... i'm not that strong as i look ... Why ... WHY .... WHY !!! Whats my motivation this time ?

    ~the beauty exposed~



    Think it's already time i long get use to it ...... people come and go, say and forget.

    You guys know why i don't always get close to people guys or girls ...... betray by your buddies, infatuation with girls if get close too much. Yup, buddies who you think can have fun, sorrow and secret with end up one saying them out creating those sorrow behind your back. Girl who got too close cause i just been ...... too good i guess, always try to control myself to keep distance from all. Once this person,S ,told me Virgo person(which is me are like that, how could i say wrong =( ;

    Virgo :

    People look up to Virgo for friends because they are straight thinkers and solve problems logically. They are truthful, loyal and determined. Some people might find them cold or emotionally detached because they live in their minds, not in their emotions and feelings. It might be hard to pin down how a Virgo friend is feeling because they easily live in denial. A person who is able to read deep into another person will notice when Virgo is not well but if they confront them about it, they would rather retreat then talk about it. It is best to keep your emotional distance from a Virgo friend unless they open up to you first. Virgo might try to analyze and control a friend's life but only with the idea that they will improve their life, not purely for the sake of controlling.

    However, what can i do here ? Hurt inside cause day i been waiting for counting for. For what i remind myself. P once promises will be there to watch my on-coming taekwando sparring match but well ...... guess she forgets it. The sweet promises that's been said just like expired honey, actually taste bitterish yuck. Why do i remembers ALL things we do together, ALL words we said, ALL promises made, ALL just came back to nothing.

    Ya just had selection matches yesterday. All those thinking and training, wasted ? My mind didn't pull out those move i though of, my reflexes didn't work at all(what the hell my mind was in). Just like some low belt, totally not up to standard. Sir told me this that my performance is just average(ok for a club, young lion level). Is that really average ? It like almost not even a club. I don't know what i been thinking. Somehow ...... somehow ...... i manage to snap out of it in time i guess. Twice blows swept through my defense and pass right in front of my face, feeling the nails scratched my chin when i pull back. What am i thinking about now ? You going to be a dumbie and get yourself killed(ya my opp. was pikachu, he was dam serious and can't control himself once he in match) ? Was thinking that i can't be knock down ...... not here, not now. My last simple promises to someone; "Take care of yourself xiongxiong".

    Everything lives on reasons, to walk, to hide, to study, even least to live. Reasons keep one alive, reasons keep one going strong. Without reasons, everything will deem pointless.

    There's where i reverse the positions and turn the table. Trapping and attacking pikachu in corner repeatedly. Sorry pikachu ...... i had to live to fulfill my side of promise (least ...... that's what didn't do what i hate to do, LIE)

    Ya i been acting a happy joyful person, one that even give councilling, to people ...... least that's what i want people to though. Tears start to drop when i writing this ...... dunno for what but ya ( ha ... stupid bear try make singapore flood again ) ...... All this history taught me to be one person. A lonely person that can only depends on his shadow. That's how he, Lee Wei Xiong, or should i say xiongxiong goes through everything.

    ~the beauty exposed~

    19 December 2010


    Ya ya ... haha i better update bit ba ... someone want to know how i been liao le.

    Well sum up everything in short ba (ya when i say short is like few words only la). Joking ... haha (i know not funny =P )

    Finally had nice nice outing with my gan mei. Ya you la dun see else where liao, the one want me update de. Picture speak more then thousand words so here it is.

    1)
    Guess where is this =P (Place: Cathay)
    Me & my gan mei
    Eating ice-creamHer feeding her invisible friend
    Lol ! Eat ice-cream also want see hunk
    First time eating so gracefully
    Seen she treat me yummy yummy ice-cream, i treat her to watch Rapunzel 3D. Cinema cannot have flash so cannot take ... haha ... plus we already late bit liao so =) But i would rate that movie 9/10 stars + best movie award of the year (eventho it have simple storyline, they film it in way of comedy,especially the character's character but not sidetracked). After that we walked around SP, just nice they have this show, kinda remind me of what i am when i small XD

    Elmo and friendsHer watching inattentively
    Me snap snapMirror, mirror in the ball~~~Small Christmas tree in purpleLovely hearts in christmas
    Sesame Street ~!~!~!
    2)Prawning Time !
    Huh? Really ?
    First time try ... scare scareYi ting really scare liaoJust joking ... the prawn bite and ran
    The bossPrawn is cuteTeacher3) Finally which just happened 2 days ago *Drum roll* *Drum roll again* Wei Xiong's sister(this part joking de) Wei Xin Birthday !

    2200 - Got there bit later cause everyone was having training so .... haha. Sirs all over there liao and and and that fangfang ar got there earlier then me le -.-"' humph ~!

    0100 - Wow ...... we still chat chat around. Got to know weixin's BFF named Joyce (nice name, joy in latin if correct). We did play scissor paper stone with beat hand de(weird is that joyce didn't feel pain even her hand got blueblack ... waaaa ... sorry didn't mean it)

    ~200 - Fang, earthworm and stanley go home early. So only weixin, kevin, joyce and me left. 4 person Chatting around. Not forget we drink some mixer >.< should have though bring some Vodka or Tequil ... least want try mix with joyce's lime mixer(hope there is nice taste =P )

    Dunno what time - Joyce accompany me go buy tibits at cheers but we end up sitting at the fitness corner and chat chat about everything. Kinda of fun this few hours. Especially when she try climb to top of monkey bars to sit.... haha ... like cat cannot come down. We had great laughs and enjoy time talking. Oh woops ! It's going morning liao le ...... that time fly so fast already 6 in morning. So we 2 go back room seeing both of them already slept so soundly. Having great idea, we both of watch sunrise at the park. Having to play at the maze ... haha ... ya i remember the "shortcut" she trys to take when running from me. Well people say this time at this kind of place is for couples. *Blush* haha think we do look like one here now. We both sit there waiting for sun to show itself. This few hours is really fun enjoying moments. This feeling is like ... dunno how to say and dun wish to say even tho this my blog but is long time i never had. Just for few hour dunno can happen so much ...... just hope izzn't too soon again.

    ~the beauty exposed~

    04 December 2010


    Haiz ...... ya haiz is all i can say in front right now. A lonely guy in a lonely house doing lonely thing. Who else could win this lonely guy.

    Just wondering, wondering, if one day i was to leave this place quietly, no letter, no call, no goodbyes, who will notice it first? Will it be the one who once said dun want see me go? my gan sisters ? my normal friends ? tkd friends ? stranger ? or my enemies ?

    *If sighing would minus 1 year of my life each, i wonder how good will it be.

    ~the beauty exposed~

    29 November 2010


    不知道你还记得今天是我们重要的日子吗？ 感觉如果我没提醒已送上一个SMS你会知道吗？ 不知什么的， 我这次例外， 没有送。 是我变心了吗？

    但感觉好没人要， 被丢弃在一边。

    ~the beauty exposed~

    26 November 2010


    Today bit happy ...... though my back going recover liao left bit more seen last tuesday though can go training even for a light one. Well ...... carelessness, i injure it when i practice backthrust ...... so ...... injure back again ....... should be sad right ? But got to spend time with pat.

    We both nice time together and her mom say treat me go eat dinner O.O ... ya thats the reaction i got ... dun need la i said...... (actually can spend time together can liao) also got play monopoly deal with her sisters(oh yes one game of uno also)

    Dunno why de ...... happy time dun last ...... that evening was like Cinderella reach midnight ...... all changed. She became upset with a guy(well dun want say much) ...... nothing i could do ...... think i just not worth up to that place in her heart.

    *Saying; Everyone could make he/she angry, sad or disappointed BUT only one person can make he/she happy.

    ~the beauty exposed~

    25 November 2010


    0300 : I got a nightmare and woke up ...... (it's been long seen i had few) and reply msg just nice my friend had one as well. Chat bit before sleep wave wash over me.

    0800 : Dam nightmare again ... how many nightmare do i already need to dream ... haiz ...... i suppose to have class at 8. Late but still had to get up to meet cher for meeting >.<

    Rest of day : Just some boring crap no lesson and only play.

    *My back still hurts from Tuesday training. Roar !

    ~the beauty exposed~

    24 November 2010


    Long again seen i blogged. So lets start it .... also like a new style of writing

    0800 : Got wake up by lucas ... sian la ... last min talk to attend (just nice, he my alarm clock to wake me up for 9am meeting with teacher for outing)

    0830 : Just got out of house (look what, i forgot bring stock card templet)

    0915 : Reach class room (CCB ! cher message wrong room number)

    1000 : From now it just free lesson (i super hate my group leader, he just suk to core and someone just act like him, purposely or not i dun care)

    1300 : Gone to C1 and for few times, it looks dam empty (shiok ar !) BUT no money eat then on diet lor ......

    1400 : Skipped lesson (oi ! oi ! got valid reason hor --> talk) and met you know who(my heart keep skipping bit wanting to keep looking at her instead of listening to talk). Want to accompany her before training but busy with work, gone to meet cher >.<

    1645 : Talk finish and gone C1 eat ... this time i cannot tahan liao ... borrow 2 buck to eat noodle ...... (at least it fills sometimes or my stomach like roaring and flipping like roti prata)

    1700 : From now, i had my training ...... we got like 1 week left before performance so chiong through

    2200 : At last finished and end up with back sprain ... at least better then injure finger which i accidentally kicked lucas' hand. His blood was over his gi shirt and pant ... i got some on mine too >.< guilty ......


    *Jia you ! Lucas, Stanley, Chun Onn, Shawn, Deon, Wei Xin, Qiu Ying and me ! Lets work hard for 1st dec (anyway those want take a look, 11am at fountain, will be nice to learn something from there as well ^^v)

    ~the beauty exposed~

    10 November 2010


    Fuck you god if there is one dam ass stupid up there ! I'm not your toy when u keep letting me seeing her like dunno 4 5 times in sch and dunno how to react, dunno if could be together like the times we used to. Damit ! xiongxiong or should i say weixiong seen ... (i dun want to say) ...... you suck !

    ~the beauty exposed~

    07 November 2010


    ~the beauty exposed~

    05 November 2010


    Another great day with fatfat mei and lyn ~!

    ~the beauty exposed~

    31 October 2010


    My whole body all sore and aching from monday + wednesday training ...... can i dun move at all ?


    NO !

    ~the beauty exposed~

    27 October 2010


    Bad things doesn't came alone.

    I lost my thumbdrive with my project inside. Die !

    ~the beauty exposed~

    26 October 2010


    The start of my bad week and it just the beginning of a snowball.


    Got kick out of class for playing.

    ~the beauty exposed~

    23 October 2010


    Teehee another fun day watching movie time. Gone early to causeway point end up that joey ar ... want me to find her in that mall. So i walk around shopping for like 45mins ...... still can't find her ...... wa lao, die die also dun want tell me where is she...... hungry hungry. At first want meet early so can go eat but seen they eaten liao then nvm lor ...... hungry bit bit wouldn't die la hor .....

    While walking saw kevin at 4th floor then i call him, only then their location exposed cause i saw them also ... wakaka ! We go watch paranormal activity 2 which was quite a sudden shocking movie. Not horror in storyline sense but the sudden happen and waiting that made it horror. Brought popcorn and drink in sharing but end up i eat only >.< Think we got too comfy together or wat that we like half watching the movie only. It's really addicting. When come out of the movie, my index finger bit hurt cause someone bite me when i feed popcorn (see i so good) but is ok la ..... no one actually bite my finger before. So that's prolly the first time someone ever did it so daring !

    Shop around before going home. Missed the chance to ask something which i think i need to. haiz ......

    ~the beauty exposed~

    21 October 2010


    Haiz today iis such a boring day .... wait wait ... no no ! Going to meet Kevin to skate ... haha so good chio me out seen he having BBQ with friends at ECP. Favorite place doing favorite thing~~~

    Haha we meeting at mac but think they alight very far end so wait for him to slowpoke walk here ... haha ... Finally saw him and OMG is her. Wa~ joey ar joey its like soooo long seen i see her during training below block. ME and kevin teach her skating at the beginnger's skate area or should i say pro ? cause everytime i saw only pro down there do style (wish i could be like them).

    Met marcus, a guy which i lost touch with ... quite sad thing but wonder why he looks so ... hagger. Then know sad thing is that he had around 13 months to live and planning to do all things he wanted to do during that 10months time. Leave his skate manager business and go oversea skydiving, have alot of things. Right then i wish i was him. I know having a deadline at your life is sad but for me, that time left and thing i doing is much worth while then living alive but dead bored. Wonder who will be sad for me when it does.

    But well seeing joey fall down again and again kinda of want help her but funny same time that it pushed the sad things aside. It's her first time skating anyway, it good improvement already. We skate and walk around and around. Somehow during that time, magic happens. I do not know why but kinda like the feeling, having someone holding my hand, like caring if i fall down anytime. Dunno wat kevin and joey whispering ... damit can't hear. I tickle joey wanting her say but failed >.< .... Reach BBQ pit we stayed down there but playing monopoly deal, poker.

    Quite late so me and kevin sent her to bus-stop. Seriously ar the slope scary when going down and the pavement around HDB like so dangerous for nub skaters like me X.X got bit unwilling to end the time we 3 together. Hope we see each other again like this soon (haha i really want it soon)

    Took cab home with kevin's friend seen he living near TP also ...... my former sch ...... haiz ...... that time keep msging until got home and sleep

    ~the beauty exposed~

    17 October 2010


    feeling so lonely
    ......
    the time brush pass me, place brush pass me, people brush pass me
    ......
    a big big guy in a big big world is not a big big thing

    ~the beauty exposed~

    15 October 2010


    friday is just a "no sch day" for me ^^v dl maple soon to play with my mei fatfat and lyn they all. guess going create new one ba ... first i have to fit my account problem >.<

    Not eating anything seen 11am and training is really ... hard to take it ... stomach rawr-ing ..... but after that got food but no appetite to eat ... ai yo ....

    ~the beauty exposed~

    14 October 2010


    mymy ... i'm always late for school >.< if i never late mean i must be going to sch early on purpose but well ... school definitely wouldn't and will be the one for me to go early. Pretty much nothing for whole day expect S&W where we play frisk-bee. Quite fun and plus i'm pro ... muahaha ...

    My class already end so early 5 but still like 630 then training so wait quite sometime in cafe2 before the rest come join me slackslack go up. Today mostly is light sparring lor ... haha ... aloy ar ! die ! revenge ! ... teehee ... he quite scare of me seen he hit me late time so pain down there then dun want fight me already >.< .... seen long time ... want fight him for real 3min. Too bad cannot. Performance quite bad actually 3:1 i lose ...... dam wasted giving first 2 points. Grrr only last one i got slow down and think a bit before executing any defense kick.

    Ya well poor result of cuz end up some "talk". OMGOMG ... spar with sir >.< eeeeee dun want pain pain. However must thank him for all those training and teaching us all 5 to be a better player in and out of mat. He do say left 5 month but to me ar ... deadline like 2month to tiptop. Bit hard and seen impossible but least, least reach for it. So it end around 11+ and with my right hand cannot hold anything ... wonder how am i going to do in tml training again .... no idea ... still have to think through my whole skills.

    Message someone but seem like ......... i dunno ......... just can't press the send button and cancel whole message. Was hoping she would be the first ......somehow just didn't came ...... how i wish there is someone there to control me every second.

    ~the beauty exposed~

    13 October 2010


    "A little longer, a little longer" -- It just seen too fast like lightning swept across the sky

    "I miss you, i miss you" -- It just stay put there like it never moved before.

    ~the beauty exposed~

    11 October 2010


    First day of school reopen, the feeling of a newbie going to school again. Single and alone, easy and carefree. Wondering if that's a good thing. Caught up with yik and group in interchange and go school. Same old shirt, same old day, same old bus, different old me. How much had i change in short while ? i do not know but i would be seeing a strange me. A me that i do not even recongise myself.

    After lunch, i saw her. With her group walking around in cafe 1 looking for seats. The stupid me splits again. I try act i never see her again(i know i know why must like this). However, i just can't control and keep looking in her direction. Well ... she caught me like last time. I waved back, wishing i could eat lunch with her alone. Talking to her like the world only have 2 of us. Haiz what i thinking ... she with her friends le ... there i when off to co-op to buy drink.

    Somehow my life in sch always been "running away" mode. Ya right ! sleeping, dozing, resting, what ever you call it just a nice nice name for it.

    Well mr quek come find me again. My parent thinking "If you never do anything wrong in school, there is no reason why teacher would call for you or us". As predicted like what he did half year ago, he pass me popular voucher as reward for scoring well in my exam. Saying about that, i thought i screwed up my exams totally in that ... ok depress period ...... by chance, it seen like everyone doing worst than me but exceptionally better then other class. He just ended class so prolly she just ended class.

    When to bustop but 31 had left so i msg her. Wonder if i should be worried cuz she said she is sick but with the last part, i start feeling kinda very ......sad. Now thinking of that, she refused many times. Friends, study, family, wondering which is real ?

    Maybe that the difference why i can never be the one instead

    ~the beauty exposed~

    10 October 2010


    今天是 10/10/10 10：10 是个十全十美的一天。有个sms是这样的：

    Hey kids,
    Today is a special day. 10/10/10 rmb to say something special to your special someone. as YOU ARE REALLY SPECIALL!!! I LOVE YOU

    我在几天前就plan好了要和她度过但我偏偏发不了sms。 我的手子一直停在send上，没按下。不知道我是怕被reject还是早就知道她会说没有空。没有你在我身边，每一样东西都不完美。

    好想好想你，但知道我是不可能有你。

    A perfect day for a perfect celebration for a perfect reason for a imperfect me. Will my days after today be perfect ?

    ~the beauty exposed~

    10 September 2010


    hey you know what ? for so long i nv update blog for very very very long time ...... not because i too busy or my life too boring that i nv post ...... just one post each day at night, wat so hard about it ?

    actually is i dunno wat to say ...... things i feel and think ...... just couldn't get out of my mouth in words ...... times it just goes super wrong ...... maybe when one day i got a reason to continue, i'll update again ...... think that's what i think i doing ...... bye bye blog ...... maybe you be kept in a warm box out of reach of dust ......

    ~the beauty exposed~

    31 August 2010


    ~the beauty exposed~

    16 August 2010


    YOG was great

    My heart crack.

    That's all

    ~the beauty exposed~

    14 August 2010


    Seeing the morning sun which looks just like dear's smile, feeling on my right hand where she rest and holds.

    Victory of one battle that can't be shared with one i love. The pain i once though i never had again surfaces like submarine from the dept of the ocean. Somehow the weather keep reflects my feeling, wonder if its my heart up there in the sky ? *Drip, drip, drip" Was the sounds i heard, mouth sing from the memory i hold on while tears starts to gather. A guy who fought tough deadly matches can't win a gentle girl who holds his heart. The strength and courage given was what only keep him standing with everything shatters and fall on him.

    It was only day 2 ......

    ~the beauty exposed~

    13 August 2010


    The more i think, the more i want to find.
    The more i find, the more i stays blank.
    The more i blank, the more i feel sad.
    The more i sad, the more i dunno what to do.

    Coincidence i found out. Fate it turn out. Destiny i figure out.

    Xiaomei fatfat maybe right, going too fast think brought her back to think of past. Shall not rush, leave it as it is. Let the river of life flow it course.

    Now what later will be friendly which i do not know how it will be. The standard i'm in ...sigh... but promised someone to fight to end, be the very best. Having high morale is having half the battle won. Starting morale (month ago): |||||||||| Now morale (right now): |||||||||| Seriously didn't know how i can continue after being crippled and self-inflicted.

    Shall today be my last day standing on this earth, will you remember me ?

    ~the beauty exposed~

    12 August 2010


    Thinking of you 365 days a year, 24 hours a day, 60 mins a hour, every single seconds was thinking about you. Like a moth naturally attracted to the special light, the sun. I was happy after times and times reject to sent dear home, she allows me. Had me jump from bed and straight to bath and out to meet her. Still care about friends i dun mind waiting other places. How i wish there is so much of this chance but she will be sad in class for the next one and half year. Seeing dear sleeping peacefully was joy in my heart, trying not to wake her up. Gently, whisper how i felt, guess she wouldn't know but i'm contented.

    Spending moments beside her was like in heaven, tho i didn't talk much. Had prolly regret me being there instead of friends. Sent her right till the bus-stop as she wanted scare being seen and cause unwanted issue. Keep messaging her was wat on my mind even if i'm not hearing her voice. Things been so sweet till dear was in no mood to chat.

    Starting to worry wat happened at home. She never replied and strange post appeared in fb. Then i guess pretty much in her mind right now. Thinking long, along to wat she likes, the dust finally settled down and know why. Hoping that it would not be wat she going to say but god played a joke on me i guess. pretty going to swear to kill god if he/she/it exist.

    Know you want to have it slowly, having security and not having big changes. A promise that you had to kept for next one half year. A struggling mind to not have memories treated like a fake. Maybe thinking how to be around now. Be words on my heart, i be waiting for you. Be beside you through up and down till the day you choose a knight on horse that carry you forever. Making you as happy as a clam, you do not need to think it be unfair neither sorry cause you still worth it and i didn't regret which not in my dictionary. I shall kept it on my phone till one day to show you. Not unglam pictures but messages deep within my soul.

    ~the beauty exposed~

    09 August 2010


    Haha, skipped yog later to be with someone ...today was same as yesterday but just that what's with me was lesser. No file, one less clothes. Not that i feel hot ... actually is opposite. It's raining cats and dogs so thinking of wearing only one and bring my jacket along. I when out around afternoon, thinking dear sure never eat lunch and well kinda guess correct ...... her mom was sick so never cook and she plan on eating maggi mee. So unhealthy so i guess guess she will eat fried fish beehoon but guess wrong ... she wants mac. Buy from tampines reach there will cold liao so i decided to go hougang mall there buy. At least food not cold. Still thinking, i think i brought unhealthy food still but she happy jiu hao.

    Halfway she call me buy 1 more for her sister. "not 3 more mei seen she got 3 sisters ?" but doesn't matter to me. Not mafan de. Just few more. Reach her house, wanting to act mac delivery one ... but she dun want, see me carry so much then come down help me. Her mom also looks bad with headach. Just too bad can't help her ..... panadol ? medicated oil ? aiyo .... Ate finish go into her bed room study. Today angie (think i spell correctly) got friends in study room so we take the bedroom lor. Somehow be with her felt so good. Gave her bearhug ! Think i too happy or wat until she can even feel my heartbeat =.="' Rest slowly find out la, not going to tell you :p I must stress that we did nothing inside also. Now and then, gave her kisses. Dear, study dun stress, smile =) Just wish time could stop still. The moment last forever in this every second. Dear you know what i mean.

    National day celebration, dear house having pizza and taobao food ...... looks very good, not including eating with relatives(aunts/uncles) and friends(angie's) like bigbigbig family. For once i see dear ate proper meal. Then i also ate 3 slice of pizza. 1 mine, 1 her mom put one more for me and 1 more angie's friend can't eat then give me. Ok ~~~ but angie friend like not happy, think i say wrong something. Her face, attitude changed O.o .... hope angie dun mind. Later we go back into room to continue. *zoooom fast-forward*.

    Both watch movie that continue from yesterday. More and more people joined in with cousin & emily. After that was fun taking photo with webcam, making cute, pretty, funny, stupid, crazy faces. Think dear's laptop was flooded. Transfer me soon :P i wana see also.

    Tomorrow will be first day of 7th month so her mom want me go home earlier. Yes madam ^^, Deardear walk me to lift and goodnight kiss. Things was just too sweet, even sweeter then honey.

    DearDear, no matter what, i will wait for you. If one day you see there is no stars in the sky means i used them to wish for you. Through thick and thin, i be there right beside you.

    You asked me how long i will wait for you even if lots of etc came? I will tell you...

    I will be your one and last guy to be with you. You be my angel that touched my heart, a light that dims the world, a dream that came to live, a promise to the end of the world till the sun dies, the sea goes dry. Know why i wrote more you then me ? Cause you are more then me in my life.

    ~the beauty exposed~

    08 August 2010


    Wear nice nice and go out. Carry my bag with lagtop in it, carry my file with worksheets, looking at sky, just a fine weather. This the first time i didn't want to be too suai bian. Taking bus 27 in the mid afternoon, was excited to be exact. Was hoping one day can go. "To where ?" must be running in thoughts ... A) school ? B)outside study with friends ? C)or maybe training seen 27 goes to hougang area. However, it's answer D, neither of the above.

    Yup, today was going dear's house study and teach her AFD. Know, rather shy to be going up her house and knock on door. Later her mom or sister open door and ask who i am ... well her sister esther saw me few times on webcam but else only once. So dear come downstairs to pick me up. Saw tapioca then buy for dear .... know her dun eat much .... but crap missed stop .... alight early. So quickly walk fast ....... Stupid sun dunno try to keep food warm or trying to toast this bear. Finally reach liao then sms dear. She spoil the fun lor .... come down from stairs cannot cover her eye and guess me......

    Enter her house, seeing her mom sitting on a chair .... playing fb game (ya ... think so ... she on some gift page). Her mom very nice le .... so we go study room study. Eiei ..... dun think so much ... her sisters also there, plus we are studying. Her sisters thinks i'm hot (jk ... ask wearing like this not hot ... but think used to it ba). Quite funny ...... Kid wear 1 shirt, teen wear 2 shirt for fashion, adult wear 3 for work. Studying AFD bit before she change to BEV. Just quite nice sometimes can hold her ...... shii ....... cannot say liao(plz la ... dun think so curve). Dunno just like to look at her no matter wat. Like moth attract to flame, just keep on looking and smiling(stupid me). Time fly so fast de lor ......evening liao ..... her mom invite me ate dinner at her house. Hmmm, yummy also ...... a bigbig bowl (adult portion).

    Finish liao we continue bit ...... however soon all watch "Despicable Me". Seen only release soon so quality not very good. Watch until 40 min then stop cause going later liao. One thing shocked me is that *** **** ** after watching and think nearly her sisters saw it. Dear sent me down to bus-stop. Halfway call her go home. Not that i dun want her to be with me (truth is i want her be with me every second)...... just that she scare that pathway at night. So faster go home. Reach tamp i walk home cause lazy wait bus. Also nice time to see sky, sing song out loud and message dear. With that, she just like beside me.

    Feel so blessed for you to be with me holding hands in each other warm embrace even in the coldest night.

    ~the beauty exposed~

    05 August 2010


    Today was a super happy day =), got to see dear tho i skipped sch today ... haha ... ya ... pretty bad student to skip school. Was waiting dear to have her hair rebond by hair design student as exam. Haha, she heard from her that she got a first timer making her hair ..... wonder how she looks like. It's only 2 hour or 3 hour max i already missing her not messaging me >.< Just hope to see her really really soon.

    Rush out just to make it in time to meet them. Oh ya, sarah, dear's friend was also with her doing hair so ... O.o well doesn't matter anyway. We go eat yoshinoya at tampines mall. Haha, she decide long for eating but think bit bad seen she suppose can't eat, still she did =.="'

    Ta bao bubbletea on the way home(wait, bubbletea is already ta bao one...haha). She say wana sit 72 cause lesser people. Been sitting 72 for dunno how long every week and well it become natural for me to know the way. Felt happy to see dear sleep. That cute peaceful sleeping face, just so beautiful. Haha, was thinking "bus drvier can drive slowly or not" ... haha ... evil me ... thinking same time i sould have brought my jacket .... least kept her warm bit ... haiz ...

    Just few stop before inter, dear woke up liao. Guess she too tired from pass few days staying up late. dun say never hor...... then we wait 27 to go her house. Know how i got your floor you live correct =P cause you told me before ... haha ... guess you forgot about it. Got gift from her as well while walking her up.

    Still texting her all the way till we both sleep. Seeing each other in dreams ba ^^ good night and sweet dreams

    ~the beauty exposed~

    03 August 2010


    It seem my death date shorten from 4 months to less then 2 week. Question marks above your heads right now correct ? Ya, probably for my spar mates, yup correct, Tournament. Frequency is much increased from once to 2 or 3, not including the main class on wednesday with friendly matches and IVP on-coming. Tip-top conditions in "FLY" cat? I still quite a big distance away so i always got scolding. Sigh... that the hope he put on us, the pressure i getting for whats my belt and what i need to do. Well enough of this ...... too argh but not the point of my post la !

    The main one is coming up ...

    Tatas ! Yup that's you patty dear. Come on i know you know thinking that you very ugly right ... but seriously you not la ...... so pretty and cute dun so fast fail yourself la ... ai yo. This few days has been very very happy until i forgot to blog ... haha ... online then webcam liao. She actually make me smiled when i stressed doing revision papers ... right hor kenneth got see me pekcei before ... anyway love to hear you say also ^^

    Wanted to sent her home and eat dinner with her (or she will tend to skip de), dun say never hor, however due to where i am, i could hardly do it. But i sure will de. Plus a red big santa claus bag for you ...... lol just for a lollipop ! Nice right :) Ya la ...... she one of the very few people i be veryvery nice no matter wat. Why so nice to me ar ? Got something up your sleeves right (see knifes already pointing at me)...... where got ...... just that you all been the only few made me comfortable with only ...... the feeling knowing you be always sitting on my shoulder beside me, the priceless treasure in my heart. Not even my real family gave me those feelings. And patty want to be with you forever =P

    Ok la ... dun say me unfair, show you mine as well

    ok la ... more coming soon ^^

    ~the beauty exposed~

    27 July 2010


    Today i could wake up late cause there is no S&W. What's S&W ? Do you know PE ? Ya just a better way of calling it, Sports & Wellness. However i woke up after 3 nightmares in a row. Now that i recap, i can't remember much expect that the fact one's about my dad, one about tkd and one about her. People say dreaming was because of unrest mind at work. I could say definitely true and i hate it. Dajavu will happen ever seen that time i was small about going mushroom farm till recently vision of a guy sitting opposite bench while i chatting with my friend. It way creep!

    The moment i got to school on this rainy day, ms chan had already start nagging ... "aw crap". Yup, i only go school just for that 2 hour but i did had a plan with friends to study and that's what i hoping for only. We had a bite before going library study. Thinking they will not notice the bottle of F&N grape under my jacket, i walk to the table. Our school was like going downward instead of stories. One of the teacher was sharp enough to caught me while i walking down the staircase. Well, can't help but put it back into my bag. After few hour, it just starting to make me frustrated. The amount that can't be balanced. Actually more of funny how i study. Put on my earpiece, take out left side and answer questions. Put it back on just to take out right side and answer another question. By the end of 5pm, i think i did nothing meaningful. I still stucked.

    Feeling rather bad, i wanted to go ranning. Ha, how stupid of me thinking of ranning with my right instep still throbbing with sharp pain often. Stress, pain, think i would rather choose pain. At least you know how to get rid of it without thinking what will happen after that. Met Lucas and Ruifang change my plan of going home to put my stuff. So we even chat and joke around abit with her teacher before going to hougang.

    ~~~~~~

    At bus was just sleeping time for everyone. Taking 72, it took quite sometime and enough to get rid of tiredness. Didn't know what kind of tiredness but i bet sure have somewhere somehow. *Woke up by a slight tap* "Ya? Reached ?", i asked lucas. Looking around the bus and outside, the environment just different. People around was like standing up and the error beeping sound coming from underdeck was just loud and continuous. "What happened?". "Not sure le". A school boy sitting opposite asked me what happened as well. Guess he's like us, been sleeping all the way. Think we should just get down bus. After that then found out from bus diver that something wrong with the bus cause it is *dancing* O.O Ya dancing is what he said. It just 4-5 stops from hougang cc, instead of walking, we waited for another one to came by just because quite lazy to walk. The traffic was rather too smooth to be truth. Normally just got jams.

    ~~~~~~

    Four of us when for the usual ranning route. I would feel that i'm not up to standard. I was wearing my heavy school ranning shoes from new balance, making my legs getting tired faster. When i reach the second bus-stop, the tired sensation wash over my body. Somewhat, i keep my pace and the 101 advice of mine, "Never stop ranning even it kills you". Definitely, stopping would kill you more due to the energy you need to spend to get back on and distance you lose compare to slow ranning. Well, didn't hit into the 12 minute record by ...... 5 seconds ! Dammit ! Lucas and yiting all dropped but ruifang improved greatly.

    ~~~~~~

    Just then sir wei kang came. I just didn't know he already reach CC. Normally we would expect him to come not that early. Well here goes the training. It was very much first time learning unarmed combat. Interesting stuff i would say. Throughout i was thinking "Oh~ This was easy! Wow!"


    Still the few of us had to work hard. Sacrifices was made to make us grow. A effort that not definitely bare equivalent result but still put hopes in us. Modding us from a slab of clay into a beauty art. The passion of flame inside supports the making of it. I really wish we will last till the end, getting to the goal together despite people's un-supportive comments.

    ~the beauty exposed~

    26 July 2010


    Feeling cold, i hug my blooster but it still very cold. Morning rain usually very cold and shiok, somehow just not enough warm to keep me asleep. That's what's bad for those who didn't like air-con, well i didn't have a air-con before to start off with. My room ? Was just a shared room with my sister younger by one year, one side full of my dad work stuff which fill up 1/3 of room space and a full build-in shelf desk. Seen small, i been wishing living in a better family, a better place. Ha ...... there goes the negative side of me again.

    ~~~~~~

    Climb out of bed, thinking i should better hurry up cause i already late to meet rest. Well only few person i wish i be meeting only but guess that not impossible as they already know other for like 2 years or more plus the relationship, just not possible. Till now, i do not know where i stands. IF one day i have mind reading skill, it would be much easier for my heart and mind. I would know what they thinking and do something. Being (dunno what that called, dunno any of their thoughts), is torturing me. Always cutting my emotion and feeling into half.

    Going Taxation class was like holding a knife slashing at my wrist. Just can't stand her lecturing(good way)/nagging(bad way) non-stop once she got bit of break in between questions. And what worst is just starting ...... lecturing was for next 2 hours. Dam it ......

    ~~~~~~

    The pro me that live by name, sleeping beauty, just slept through the whole thing =.="' if this was known by my parents, i be real dead ...... seriously dead. Let not talk about this ... what great coming was lunch. Eating in blessing (in chinese) very much disagree. Disagree more when you eating "yucky" food instead of "yummy". The lemon chicken rice really suks la. Just some weird taste, wish i had just go buy Japanese food when there is no wantan mee.

    ~~~~~~

    Brought ice-cream from muffin shop in our school. We had become lab rats to test the new mocha. Well not bad ...... slowly go up to class. Somehow ms chan had her menopause =.="'. We not even late and come out scolding us, threatening us to throw away ice-cream and go inside or she lock the door. End up same lecturing and doing a survey. I gave a very un-bias survey, the very truth for her but what's the use. Just gonna another ms dion. Now you know why student tend to "pong" school/class. Teachers had been student before but just didn't understand what we thinking. Cause they not student anymore. Finally class just ended with lots of ADA papers *happy happy* Got things to do. Somehow vincent made ms heng unhappy, not sure why but well enough for a not angry teacher or get bit pissed but still on her control.

    Somethings just can't get out of my heart. I'm just another one who help her in studies, one she forgets when times goes. Had someone noticed ? By writing day of story doesn't make me tear. What make me tear always the last paragraph. The words that came from place that deeper then the dept of the sea, further then plane could reach.

    ~the beauty exposed~

    25 July 2010


    The sound of roaring engine wakes me up that the very first light hit the earth. "Dam it ! Can't they do it quieter or upgrade abit ...", I though. See the light beneath the door would only means my dad just prepare to eat his breadfast before going out. It's around 7+ and i already up. Sian, on com sit down there bit before really going to wash up.

    When downstairs to buy food, somehow, weekend neighborhood was much different from weekday. More people with objectives to buy everything before everyone else, picking the freshest item around. Walking in sea of them absorbing the slow-pace of the scene in front of me, i'm in no hurry to get it done fast. I still had the whole empty day in front of me. Thinking of that, good that lucas got something to do (grading at dunno where).

    Somehow my swell on instep is getting smaller till i can walk freely (just not to press it). Wondering how i go CCK this tuesday with it ...... sighs.

    ~~~~~
    Going night was no different then afternoon. One thing great is that i slept my whole afternoon away. Ha, amusing huh ... 1 person slept min. 1/3 of their live but me, looks like more then half or even 2/3. Think i just sleep early.

    *Feeling : Sometime i just want to talk to you but happy with your present. Knowing that you care for me is the greatest warm i need.

    ~the beauty exposed~

    24 July 2010


    Wake up in the morning with calls from my mom. I was guessing it was roughly 6 ...... yes am on a Saturday morning. Till now i need to decide, to message my friend az if i can go for YOG. YOG still like 2-3 more weeks away and this will be the last training session. *Looking at my feet* Think i'll be fine to walk. My swell is much smaller compare to yesterday's, a deep reddish brown skin tone that rise like a mountain. Thanks to rui fang and sir weikang's advice. *Haha* Was what i thought when it reminds me "old one didn't go, new one dun come".

    It's always been my right leg that is injured. Maybe i just left legged, who knows ...... such things always change due to trainings. Got to snatch the bathroom before my dad (he always pick the very wrong time to bath and do business). Got early actually already late from the meeting time at interchange. Ride the long butt pain 72 to NYP. Az never give me chance and keep walking so fast ...... felt like whacking him so he will walk same speed with me.

    The training was briefing the systems, procedures and the bests *also known as lamest by some idiots* dance step of the YOG song. But hey, how can you say that. If you guys was so talented, go write a song and chronograph dance steps that everyone can do in just 1 or 2 tries. Going back was the same painful as going, just that more happier cause GOING BACK. Who didn't want go back but i had to buy things for BBQ in evening.

    Just skip everything, my evening was free just cause i didn't want to just watch movie and eat dinner. It was rather bored, might as well be good boy and stay home. Also good for my leg seen it is injured. Spaghetti was what i had for dinner not pointing out that i been a lab rat to test how it taste with dry chicken bits. Ruin the tomato taste. *yuck*

    ~the beauty exposed~

    23 July 2010


    Rise and shine, the morning sunlight lit up the whole sky. The day just the same before, nothing much change. When was the last day i blogged ? Ya, that's right, exactly 1 month ago. It's been long, actually not that long compare to few years of this dammed life. "Wake up seeing everything is ok, the first time i felt my life is so great", the lyric of a song. Somehow just opposite of what i feeling. Though something good after finishing taxation CA2 and presentation, wasn't. So sian till i skipped 4 hours of class starting from 8am.

    Somehow know that mrs chan will nag the hell out of us. Seem like almost every teacher i met was grouped into the crap teacher mode category. Only thing spurt me on to go is ADA class which at least got challenging questions to do without restriction. Felt so free like soaring is air making stuns.

    What i waiting now ? Think maybe TKD later. Feeling like no mood do anything after my blogging. Well think i have to get prep for someone's birthday and another CA ... sigh.

    "Nothing around you is great when you feel life is sian" - By me

    ~the beauty exposed~

    22 June 2010


    well today gonna go out, yeepi ^^v well wanted to watch karate kid movie and so today going

    plan seen last week, go meet xiaohuan's friend @ work then go eat B&J then go watch karate kid ... after that maybe shop around ...... can't wait ma .. then rmb wrongly the time ...... think 9.30 or something but i go downstairs bus-stop to wait ... then see ei .. wrong time now only 8.30 ... aiyo .... sotong ...... always rmb wrongly time de ... that how i ruin my life last time ......

    then she message me again ...... phone no batt, @ home charging ... bo bian la ... 10.30 lor ...... i then go down again ... there wait wait wait ...... at first ok de la ... u know people always late 0-30 mins de ... no big deal ... but 1 wait, wait until 1.5 hour ...... know, at first dress nice going town have great day become like no mood liao ...... like an idiot waiting for nth again ...... so well message to cancel, i go home ...... si bei no mood ... go home fb, watch movies online ...... so ..... just look forward to tml only ......

    ~the beauty exposed~

    21 June 2010


    mymy .... holiday still need to go back to sch ... ya for advance accounting ... 3 hour le ! 10-1 ... ai yo ... 1 hour go through format ... half hour do 2 question .... 1 hour talk cock before going home ...... go home ? where got so fast still need go nanyang poly to collect yog things ... dunno why all different dates but guess to reduce congestion ba ...

    BUT before that, need to fill stomach la ...... before go with yik

    after colelct have to go home fast cause yik need to go work ...... paisei ar ... late ... guess wat ... at tamp mrt i saw aloy HOLDING HANDS WITH A GIRL ! dun think u wear sunglasses i didn't know is you ar ! kinda lier and Casanova(one who play with girl feelings de) ...... month ago u was saying u love ruyan and chasing her ...... now u just going out with a girl O.o WTH ...... my friend was right ... you guys dun need girlfriend (all you need is a babysitter) ......

    so wat i see was right ...... wrong to judge but yes, i judged and u just exactly that kind of guy... no wonder girls are crying and heartbroken ...... guess if an angel came down to earth to earse all this guys, think like a chinese song say (10 guy only 1 worth to do anything to keep him by your side) there will be very little guys left

    ~the beauty exposed~

    19 June 2010


    ahhhh ...... a month ... a month ...... seem like a vampire just woke up from their long sleep ...... see cobweb all around already ...... *sweepsweep* ahhh~~~

    So much had past ...... exams ...... outings ...... experiences ...... feelings ...... events ...... think if i was to write, i can wrote a book already

    well must thank ytd sir wei kang and other who care for me when i had sudden headache during and someone that spam my phone with (hmmm 30+ messages?) well lets check ...... no blue black (cause i rub in hot water) but now become baika bear ... haha ......

    lucky today not the day to go out ...... promised someone to watch movie in 2 days time but bored so just watch first liao ^^ ... haha ... k la ... see who will chat with me later ... whole day at home ... (stare at com, com stare at me)

    ~the beauty exposed~

    26 May 2010





    ~the beauty exposed~



    Humans of flicking heart
    Want of best and does of none
    Touches the goodness and flunk the flawed
    Ride the winds and cross the limps
    Eat the fruits and walk away

    If you care, dun do wrong.
    If you do wrong, dun care.
    For the gather of both, ripe what you sow.

    ~the beauty exposed~

    23 May 2010


    love, love spells, love horoscope, true love, love picture, romantic love

    ~the beauty exposed~

    22 May 2010


    people does change but do they or lets say we change really THAT fast ..... it's been only few weeks ...... one time you was telling *secret* but then next week was acting against wat you said to me ......

    i was confused and even somehow felt negatively ... like not knowing which is you at all, telling truth or just me as replacement/toy ...... friend said just let it be normal but how can i be normal when things aren't ...... it been stuck in my mind like chewing gem that refuse to get off.

    Story
    Once bearbear had 3 closest person till now he cared about. One, knew at start of his turning point of life where despair just caught him, bring him closer but harmless from the path he need to be. Second, which he came across at that very road, which motivate him by walking along side. Third, for that goal, destiny brought them together tho things works against each other, for the sources they helped each other.

    One day, third one bid farewell once got what she needs, hoping next time will come together when common destination brings again. Bearbear just felt being used of he is. Trouble and sadness doesn't come alone. Second one had when out to town regularly, leaving him on spot clueless, only to came back with stories but found out to be opposite of whats said. Once again, negative feeling of betrayed sip into his soul. In the shade of the tree in the star filled sky. Hand touched his shoulder, felting the presence, bear manage a weak smile, wonder when will the path for her part him again.

    Right now, one has gone, one with unknown but bearbear knows there is sure one left beside him and he going to keep it for as long as he goes.

    ~the beauty exposed~

    18 May 2010


    ai yo ... this few days can't support my own body weight on one leg ... ouchy .... was wondering should go for today or not ...... just lucky afternoon my friends all help me decide liao ^^ save me trouble of thinking ......

    I not going ! yay ! rest time ..... hope can recover fast enough ^^ ..... tml still need everyone to be presence to tkd ...... so sleep early ba

    ~the beauty exposed~

    15 May 2010


    >>>>>REST AND FOCUS <<<<<

    Yup, like it says, not going any training for next week ...... my leg muscle have been giving in ...... well, it always remind me of accident ...... haha ...... nv though of this sport guy in front of you got car accident before huh ...... that's rest ......

    not been doing sch stuff until now ... and i going to changing that before it's too late ...... why i thinking about the past again ...... PHD ...... if you know about it ...... well ...... a leopard nv change it's spot ... so does human(in a way) ......

    and well same as usual, mix feeling and wild thoughts ...... everyday daydreaming ...... ai yo ...... hope one day be a better man or person

    ~the beauty exposed~

    13 May 2010


    ouch, ouch, ouch ..... thigh pain from those splits ...... though of not going tkd today as well ..... sir' shi fu got come ...... hear was tough training then got sir weikang ...... but turn out to be relatively nice but just a simple thing is basic discipline from us, think from first day was known but just people ignore ar ...... well some forget here and then, its ok de ... people forget ... haha ... but anyway he not that fierce la ...... can still joke around de but not the words he says la (dun joke with words that any sir says)

    mostly pattern la ... wa chicken feet (sry no fresh one) ...... 1 day i learn liao but mistake here and there la ...... go home and eat dinner ...... thanks my mom for cooking for me as well ... yummy !

    wa doing my usual fb, chatting, surfing around ...... then blink! a girl named rebbeca from Philippines chat on fb with me O.o oh ...... rare orh ... at first was asking me age (wonders why), then from conversation, think she just visit my photo recently ......

    Rebecca:how old are u?
    Me:hmmm pretty old .... 20 ... haha
    Rebecca:are u sure !!not obvious
    heheheh
    You're just like 16
    Me:my pic looks young ?
    Rebecca:hehhehe
    Rebecca:,, looks young yes that is Handsome
    Me:thanks ^^
    Rebecca:your welcome ! coz is that true

    waaaa flattered ...... think tonight dun need sleep liao ...... haha ......

    ~the beauty exposed~

    11 May 2010


    Judge me and i prove you wrong
    Tell me what to do and I'll tell you off
    Say I'm not worth it and watch where i end up
    Call me a fucker, I'll fuck you upside down, inside out
    Screw me over and I'll do it twice as bad to you
    Call me crazy but you really have no idea

    ~the beauty exposed~



    this is what i just read and is quite nice or should i say it sad ...... but that's what i been through once, never look back at that again so read it with heart, hope understand


    原来以为我什么都不在乎，原来当爱情走的时候，每个人都一样……

    当爱情变成一种习惯的时候，任性就不再愚蠢了，骄傲就有资本了，也许爱的惯性就会延续了……


    以前你的生日很特别。
    我要特别记得。
    现在你的生日更特别。
    我得特别去忘掉。

    我要你来，你就会来。我要你走，你就会走。你说我控制你。
    你来了，我很高兴。你不来，我就担心。现在你走 了，我心痛至极。你说，谁控制谁？

    有很多事是难以用文字形容的。
    　　比如说爱的快乐。
    　　比如说失去的痛苦……
    　　
    　 　失去你之后。
    　　我首先痛苦。
    　　再来无奈。
    　　最后成长。

    我没有很想你，真的没有。

    我只是在走到某个路口的时候才会想起你，
    我只是看碟看到一半的时候才会想起你，
    我只是听歌听到 一半的时候才会想起你，
    我真的没有很想你，
    我只是在我不想想你的时候想起你。

    这样真好，
    我没有很想你，
    我没有想你想到发疯，
    我只是想你到眼睛潮湿。
    我 去睡觉，
    睡不着，
    看杂志，
    翻书的时候又想起你，
    睡不着，
    我摇头要赶走你的影子，
    可是它印在 了杂志上，
    所以我把杂志扔掉。
    我关上灯，你的样子在黑暗中是那么的明晰，
    所以我把灯打来。

    我没有很想你，只是在睡不着的时候想你，
    只是我不知道是睡不着想你，
    还是想你而睡不着。

    我不要很想你，

    我没有很想你，即使想你，也没到很想你的程度，
    在时间面前我们什么都没有留下。
    时间这样用来浪 费，我不心疼，
    不想你的时候他们变的一片空白，


    快乐不会多一点，回忆在机械的重复，
    寂寞总会浓一些，不想你的时间只好越来越少。　

    我没有很想你，我只是在我高兴的时候想起你，
    在我不高兴的时候想起你。
    给我回忆的人不会被回忆 欺骗，
    回忆里的人才会被它欺骗。

    情人心里的天平，砝码细微如发丝，

    你笑了，我的天晴了，
    你沉默了，我的心灰了。

    我捕捉你的任何眼神，判断你是否还如以前一般热情，
    我收集你的所有短信，衡量你是否还如以前一般眷恋，

    亲爱的，
    我在做这些无聊而有趣的事情，
    穿着宽大的衣服光脚在屋子里一一细数，
    然后等 着终于有一天答案告诉我可以停止这些那些。

    我没有很想你，
    好吧，我想你，
    但只是想你而不打扰你！

    可是我连这个都没做到

    近些天脑海中不停出现的身影

    从不确定到肯定

    我害怕了

    连续3 4 天梦里出现

    每次都出现的那么真实然而当清晨睁开双眼

    一些化为乌有

    我知道

    我知道这是不应该的

    不应该去想你的

    不应该梦见你的

    头脑似乎已经失控

    不断的对自己说不是的 不是的

    不断的告诉身边的那个人 我是爱你的

    即使躲藏 愧疚依然存在

    就当没有发生好了

    已经伪装了那么久

    又何必打扰彼此的生活

    终于明白很多事情

    不是我不想而是我不能

    ~the beauty exposed~

    10 May 2010


    "The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad. You know, when sad tries to bite its lip and not cry and smile and go," No,I'm happy for you?" That's when it's really sad." -John Mayer

    wonders how tml will be like ......

    ~the beauty exposed~

    07 May 2010


    hmmmm sch nth much .... just that i skipped sch early 1 hr ... wakaka ... i getting bad to worst lor ...... just hate myself la ......

    then during training ranning hougang neighborhood was easy now compare to that first time i ran ...... the ran so super smooth that i nv stopped at all and like 13min for 3km+ can la ... can make it soon very much shorter ...... no improvement ... that wat sir says ... ai yo .... chiam chiam la ......

    after that go eat touhua ! yay ~! so long nv eat liao ...... eat 1 hot one, drink 1 cold 1 ...... shio ar ...... all ended like full full after buffet like that ... haha ...... great to eat together hor (elieen, jeremy, ruifang, cavin, yiting) ...... also ruifang kana tortured when going back by .... DURIAN ..... yummy ... haha ...... kidding, wouldn't bring it to your bday ......teehee

    ~the beauty exposed~

    04 May 2010


    when down to balestier to train demo ...... there is much lesser people and just like kind of self train (better then at home ...... not even enough space .......) now 9 people already ...... 1 more to go to get even and 3 more to record ...... not yet tested on real people ....haha..... think all start to scare liao ar ...... even febian on first one also got bushed on the shoulder ...... dunno if i really can do it .. but well ...... 2 more month see how la ...... even az now scare of hurting his ankle .......

    To all, jia you, to others maybe be just entertainment and worthless to be but to us, it's breakthrough and confidence. Do not let other pull you down. If he think it waste of time, then better suggest something good or keep it to himself and dun come. You want practical skill, go ahead, no one stopping you but putting wet blanket on someone you can't be, it just way too selfish and weak of you.

    ~the beauty exposed~

    01 May 2010


    teehee first of may ~!~! LABOUR DAY ~!~!~! but still is Saturday ... well better then none ... when out quite late liao ... cuz meeting my friends to watch *drum-rolls* IRON MAN 2 *tata* ...... reach there half hour late but guess wat, all later then me ... muahaha ..... think should treat me hor ^^v

    when to buy tickets before shopping around ...... well not the first time walk ...... pretty nothing to see ar ...... went buy wei sheng's earpiece before go there early sit on floor, buy popcorn & drinks (oh ya forgot pay lucas *woops*) ...... iron man was quite good ...... it let me think of how a man starts to be arrogant when power comes and breaks down when things upsets ...... well if u going to say you not going be like him when that happens ...... i tell you that you lied ......

    then the final credit come out, everyone walks out liao ... but heyhey there is still final clip ...... smart director ...... so good for those that stay back and watch those credits .....ZZZzz...... have more entertainment after that cuz it's POPCORN WAR ~! qiu ying not that lucky la .... 2V1 ... teehee ... eiei i not involved hor ... not that bad .....

    we walk abit before going back home ...... guess i needed also cuz researches .... argh !!!

    ~the beauty exposed~

    30 April 2010


    haha ... finally class OVER ! still dunno wat ada doing .... was asking yik how to do all along ... at this rate i going to kill myself .....

    use com too much until forget time to go out to training ..... so i guai ... sent early message to say i going bit late ... surprising ! bus driver SUPER fast ... WEeeee~~~ reach liao ... some more on time ...... we change venue from indoor hall(cuz got bits of glass) to dance studio (cuz smooth tile + sweat = dam slippery) to basketball court ...... haha it seen long we use back liao so think it very very very de nice to train at ... used to rougher floor .... find that a time goes, my style is getting different ...... can see de ... then at last get to kick "sandbag" ... well not that hard le but if kick wrong sure injure like mad ...... bleeding ? nope so far ... CC everytime so early close .... then have to wait for yi ting ... dunno wat they talking also so long ... but nv la ... chatting was nice as well ^^v

    go back home, heat up pasta and eat ... waa ... eating at this time was so FULL ~~~

    ~the beauty exposed~

    28 April 2010


    today wed ~!~! the only lesson fun was ADA ...... we doing examples but was fun cuz we completing to do finish and go home ...... with kel, yik help we all do finish together ... yay ! but still need go goodwill which i haven't learn yet ...... but from the smartness of us, we easily learn on spot and complete it.

    so wait for az to finish and go to tkd ~~~ yay ! after so long and have to drag him there (teehee) ...... when up early bit to have kicks ... leg ichy la ...haha ... somehow today special ...... sir jason was us all to try do jumping double front kick ... wa sei ... hard le ... cannot lift up second leg ... so from then i guess was having demo ...... cuz recently i just watched eileen's video

    so end up me, yiting and az left to try leaping OVER people and hit target ...... yiting 5, az 6, and me 7...... paisei ar fabian ... first one in front suppose not to kana de but tio shoulder ... ^^ sorry ...... but manage to clear it and hit target. guess we 3 have to work hard cuz sir jason want us to do 8 now ------> 10 later ------> best 12 for record ...... wa~a~a~a ...... so more training on tuesday ...

    ~the beauty exposed~



    "chatting with my favorite guy now"
    "    he so cute!!!"
    "    he do hab a galfriend. (T.T) (T.T) (T.T)"
    "shags sia~~ hais... y sia?? y? y? iie damn love love him sia", "dunnoe whn iie hab a stead sia. mus wait&wait&wait again~"

    ya all this came from YOU ! guess in your short few month plenty of guys you wish they was your bf ... it just disgust me so much ...... your feelings, actions, words, when will one be real ? or just some skit to make people care for u

    not only 1 but few another around me ... this a game to you ? or just like Chinese say, like tying on clothes ...... if i ever have chance i will tell others they not worth their true heart......

    ~the beauty exposed~

    27 April 2010


    today gone sch early ... looking forward for S&W ...... take me as a different kind of guy; more sporty kind ...... i not like those like to skip when they can or say "yes ar ~! " when S&W got canceled ...

    so meeting kenneth to sch ... reach there was like wa lao .... 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... chiao ... somemore jerry keep delay ... end up taking height and weight then play bit of badminton

    after eating lunch was sleepy ...... everytime 2 hour each ... sian ... how i wish could separate ... or dun need to wake up ever in class

    ~the beauty exposed~

    25 April 2010


    (flex muscle) ... muahaha ... felt fit ... morning when to ran with yik at stadium ...... quite good to start train up ...... yik so long nv ran liao but good la ...... still can ran 6 round 18 min ...... me 8 rounds with last round slow walking all the way for cool down(my 8 round is 19 i think ... dam slow ~!~!) maybe next time i should take notice about my 6 round instead >.<

    reach home bath eat bread fast and sleep in afternoon ... well ... planned to do hw at night but well ... over sleep and sleep again once i eat finish dinner and bath up

    ~the beauty exposed~

    24 April 2010


    today quite happy and excited start of day ... looking forward to celebrate lucas bday with evil pans ... haha ...... a gift and relightable candles ...muahaha .... but actually today only going to do poster and watch movie but well with things crope up, half go watch movie half go do poster .... oh yes before that was having ajisen ... yummy ... lucas i chop your lobster into half le ...

    KICKASS was some bit funny but not totally comedy movie ... but well ... so far the nicest script of all ...... from the most common scene in life to anyhow one kind ... haha ... even better then percy jackson or clash of titans(well both actually bit same) ... if i could recommend, i would just say watch anyone but not both

    so movie end liao was going home but change of plan ... cuz not celebrate lucas bday yet ... wa lao ...... my present with rui fang ... candle with her also ... sian ... only thing with me is my lighter ... ok la ... meet ru yan at bugis ... hard to get lucas away from me ..... lucky he call ...haha .... then here it is ... simple celebration for him with a cake ... then we go shop abit before going eat ... ai yo .... bust all my money eating ajisen, movie, popcorn ... etc ... ai yo ... need go home eat liao ... but lucas say he full so share share lor ...... somehow feel like both brother and sister ... haha ... spending even more time shopping before going home

    just a great day ^^V

    ~the beauty exposed~

    23 April 2010


    lol today in morning got call and sms liao ...... surprising i dun have headach from last night drinking ...... sry for making few worry that i'm drunk ... but hey ... if i drunk hor, i wouldn't even reply sms properly lor ...... well no sch ... skip bl ... oh yes, miracle that business won, i watched the video also not good le .... rigged prolly like last time ...

    teacher teach quite lot liao ... ai yoyo ... bearly catching up la ......

    and tell u wat, i hate business networking and salesmans ! 100% con people ...... say about how high u can get but look it this way, u taking money which from your relative and they earning more from "free advertising" without lifting a finger ... so byran forget it, i wouldn't join

    so rush home and go training ... lucas call me saying got quite few new people ... orh ~~~ nice just hope everyone get through all the training and did well in lets say 1 year time...... jia you ~!~!

    ~the beauty exposed~

    22 April 2010


    This coming week is so busy that i didn't have time to do hw .....

    Wednesday->tkd training
    thursday --->birthday party
    firday------->tkd training
    saturday---->meeting & movie
    sunday------>primary sch gethering

    This week really really tired ...... i even wonder if i can go to sch at friday cuz most likely gonna stay at chalet till late morning with those drinks as well .... then evening still got training ... wa ... then i be like zombie on sat ......

    ~the beauty exposed~



    lol today gone buy present and when to PC's bday ! woohoo ! ... pc as in pang cheng la ... not computer kind pc ... waaa though i going to be late ... end up too early only zhi zhong, pc, deborah there only ... but slowly all reach la ... how surprisingly everyone changed their look somehow ... haha girls become prettier, guys become handsome ......

    we play game like "5 10", "who wat huh", "big fish, small fish" ... and of cuz forfeit is those bottles of wiskey all bring ... lucky i never bring... or else too many la ... i end up drinking lot of Chivas and tropical vodka ...... i stop before i even wasted ... well i never been wasted so dun need try on me ^^v it can never happen ...haha ... but pc ar ... drunk liao ...... down there dancing with his "dragon" ......lol .... so big ar O>O

    reach home liao 2++ so just sleep ...... best !~!~!

    ~the beauty exposed~

    20 April 2010


    wake up so early for nth ... if teacher could name student "pon" class, i could also name one teacher who does =.="'

    so was looking forward to wed training or fri as well ... that where i really have fun ...... study just so argh !!!

    ~the beauty exposed~

    18 April 2010


    x : hey hey
    x : eu over with who sia
    x : hahahhas
    x : qort another gal eu like liaos wors (:
    me : nope no gal
    x : hahahas
    x : den who sia
    x : don tell eu miie is a guy
    x : hahhhas

    Can't u see that the person is you ! It's not I'm all over u, I'm over with you. Gone & past, buried deep underground somewhere i do not know. No longer in my list of people i do care about.

    ~the beauty exposed~

    17 April 2010


    awww when watch "clash of the titans" with dianto and ridz ... well for those like percy jackson and the lightning thief, this is similar one ... soso if i going to rate it ......

    then have to chiong home and to hougang again for training ...... this time got alot of wind blowing ar ...qiu ying, ruyan, eleine all came ...... plus 2 new girl ...... quite satisfy with today training cuz i nv felt sick ...... and learn quite great lots of style i could improve myself on ... hope this goes on ......

    go with my WHOLE shirt and gi pant wet ... like just walked in the rain ...... result of hard training ...lol ... jk ....

    now eating kinder beuno ... so nice ~~~

    ~the beauty exposed~

    15 April 2010


    well well ... this few days bl but who cares ! seen someone wants to be hero or be boss ok lor, go take all and do ... not my responsibility liao ...... u want it, take lor, take more. Not bl liao, not biz liao, not secretary act so much ... of all people why her sia ... all bl sian by half ...... so i just when to classes instead

    Taxation has mrs chan, her teaching ok but chiong first when half class not around =.="' ok la ... she still need get her work done ... hope everyone catch up fast enough with first few chapters ...... as for higher accounting ... lame ... very very very lame ... it just mps ... can sleep liao ...... somemore i think the teacher also dunno wat i talking about when i give ans ... it just the ans i gave in exam =.="'

    got quite some time seen she ended far early ...... rest when home only me stay back for tkd ...... gone cafe2 see qiu xian and rui fang ... then slowly rest came ...... we kinda slack until exact time then go up ... ok la ... response didn't expect much also for freshie to join ...... during training vomit again ... (my dad say becuz i nv drink enough plain water =.="') ok lor but i think becuz of little exercise recently ... well logistic again ... guess i can't escape that faith ...haha ... schenker-->bl-->tkd ...... all logistic ...... after that gone eat mac and when home ...... opps ... did i eat mac spicy again ... hoho ......

    ~the beauty exposed~