A bump in the road

This is a long one! Be prepared!!

In October of last year we decide we were ready to add another baby to our family. With Milly and Emmy it took 8-9 months of trying before we got pregnant. So we figured if we started at the end of October by June or July I would get pregnant. Well after a month of trying we decided to put it off for a little while longer. And that was that. So November and December rolled by and I had some "weird" thing happen with my cycle. I had a 3 week period. And then at the beginning of January I was a few days late. So I thought hmmm there is no possible way that I am pregnant. I didn't feel pregnant at all! I usually am sick before I even miss a period. And I didn't feel sick at all! So the morning that I had planned to take a test I started spotting but I still kept having this feeling that I really needed to take a test. So I did, and much to my shock and amazement, I was pregnant!!! Wow! We were taken by complete surprise. I was still spotting so I called my Dr and asked if I need to be on progesterone like I was with Emmy. And they decide to have me do an ultrasound first. So two days after I got a positive test (January 6) Brady and I went into my Dr's office and found out that we had miscarried. My heart was broken. There wasn't much left to be seen in the ultrasound but from dates and guesses they figures I was about 10 weeks along and has miscarried around 6 or 7 weeks. They gave me the choice of how I wanted to get everything out of my body. That was the hardest part for me. I just wanted to my Dr to tell me what I needed to do so I could grieve. After much prayer and about a week of getting different opinions and pricing things out I decided to do it at home with the help of some medication. By the end of the next week I thought everything had passed. I did have some extreme pain in my side the day that I started the medication but I didn't think much of it. So almost 3 weeks later I get a really sharp pain in my right lower abdomen. Brady took me to the instacare and they told me I would have to go to the ER because they didn't have any form of imagining. I didn't want to go and pay $2000 for them to tell me I was constipated or something so I went home took a pain pill and went to bed! The next morning I still had the same pain but it was a little worse. We called my Dr and they did an ultrasound and said that I had a cyst on that ovary and fluid around my uterus. They weren't took concerned with what they saw, they said the fluid was probably from another cyst that had burst and it would absorb into my body. And they sent me home with some pain killers and said see you in 6 weeks. Well the NEXT day (day 3) I was taking pain killers and felt ok, and as soon as Brady went back to work after lunch something went terribly wrong! Of what I remember I suddenly had major pain in my side, called Brady cuz it had brought me to the floor and by the time he got back to the house I was dry heaving. My SIL Mandi and my MIL Carma ran over to our house to watch the girls and Brady rushed me to the ER. I was admitted and they started giving me morphine. I eventually had a CT scan and they said there was a large mass the size of a baseball on or close to my right ovary. This sounds a little different from the small 1 inch cyst that was in the ultrasound the day before. They called in my OB and he decided that emergency surgery would be necessary. And he also said that I would probably lose my right ovary. That was kind of hard for me to swallow after everything we had just been through with the miscarriage. So 2 hours later they got me into surgery and discovered that I had actually had an ectopic pregnancy that had ruptured my tube weeks ago, it was a slow leek so the blood would clot as soon as it came out, hence the baseball size mass (a blood clot) and they took out the 300cc of fluid (blood) that was surrounding my uterus. They removed my right tube but were able to save my ovary.
I can't say I wish this kind of experience on anyone. But there are a lot of positives, I can still have babies! I am ALIVE! And my biggest positive I have two healthy beautiful babies and if I end up not being able to have more at least I have them!!
SO when I get pregnant with my next baby they will be watching me like a hawk! I have a higher chance of having another one now that I've had an ectopic. But I've heard so many success stories, I know ours will be another success!


- Sarah

Our weekend!

This weekend marked Emmy's 11th month! I'm am kind of sad to think about my baby being a 1 yr old next month! She is so sweet at this age and I see how crazy sassy her older sister is and it scares me for when Emmy gets to that crazy sassy stage! She is just a snuggle bug, I LOVE it!! Every time I pull her out of her crib she lays her head on my shoulder and just hugs me!! Such a sweetie! She gives the best baby kisses but is sometimes stubborn about who she gives them too! She is very clingy to mommy. Cries when men try to get her to smile! She says: quack quack, cucky (like yucky), dada, mama, hi, this morning we think she tried to say Milly "yeye" and she signs "all done" and we think she is starting to sign "more" she waves and blows kisses! she started walking at 9 months and is staring to really get the hang of it! We just switched her out of her infant seat and into a big girl chair (still rear facing) and she doesn't really like it a whole lot! She doesn't really like baby food (never has!) and is loving solids! Her Favorite foods are pizza, bread, strawberries, goldfish, and carrots, and really anything she can pick up with her fingers! The other night we were feeding her pickled beets and cooked cabbage and she LOVED it! She is such a sweet heart and loves to lay her head on anything soft and says "awww" Her "bunny fufu" and her white silky blanket are her favorite things to snuggle!
She is an absolute ray of sunshine in our house! We love her SO MUCH!

















Milly has been feeling super sick this weekend! Had a tummy ache for the last few days! And then came down with pink eye!


Sleeping on the kitchen floor after puking up her breakfast.. :(


Pink eye day 1


Pink eye day 2! She is a champ when she is sick!


I also worked on some painting projects this weekend! I'm loving WHITE decor lately so I decided to paint a few things! Brady thinks I'm crazy but I think it will look so cute!


- Sarah

God is good.

This morning was just a normal morning at our house. Brady had just said prayers with us, and kissed us good-bye and I was feeding the girls breakfast. Milly was playing peek-a-boo with Emmy and they both were giggling and I felt so much joy! It was a blanket of joy surrounding my girls and I! Moments like this make me feel my Heavenly Fathers love for me! I snapped a picture of the joy on my children's faces. Hoping to make this moment of joy last forever through this picture. A thought came to my mind, I am surrounded by some of the most constantly happy spirits. My children are very happy kids! Milly is just like her Daddy. Loves to be active and LOVES to be surrounded by people! And the best is my husband is my hero of happiness! Heavenly Father has blessed me with these happy spirits because I am not always a happy person.
Something I deal with on a daily basis that I don't speak much about is the fact that I struggle with depression and anxiety. (That's hard to say out loud) I have dealt with depression for awhile now. I first recognized it after I had Milly as "postpartum" The feelings I was having never went away though. I have been on and off medication for it for the last 3 years. I have a constant battle of not wanting to take something for this. I pray constantly to be able to be "happy" on my own. But the hardest thing for me to do is be the kind of mom I am with depression. My kids need a happy, motivated person to take care of them. On my "down days" I can barely meet their basic needs. (Another hard thing to say out loud) obviously feeding, changing diapers and naps are a MUST, but on these days we usually stay in our pj's all day, dishes don't get touch, by the end of the day it looks like a toy bomb exploded, I usually stay on the couch and turn on movies for them, rarely am I able to get down on the ground and play with them or read them books like I normally do! I love my children more then words can adequately describe but somedays I feel I don't deserve them.
It's so hard because I know what things will make me happy but there is this invisible wall that stops me from being able to do these things! If I get up early before my kids and shower get dressed and ready, and have a "semi" clean house and an organized day with places to go and things to do, then I'm better at fighting this battle. But most days I don't have things to do! My saving grace is when 5pm rolls around and this bright smiling handsome face comes walking in the door and picks up my slack! He knows exactly how to make everything better! I suddenly realized this morning that depression is my trial in this life. I will probably deal with this for most of life. Which is why God put Brady, Milly and Emmy in my life! They were placed in my journey to help me feel joy! God knows me and my struggles and I am thankful for this knowledge! He lives!


- Sarah

Please don't judge me by this post. This took a lot for me to post this! But this was a huge realization for me (life changing) and I needed to document it.

Disneyland October 2013

Brady and I agree that this was the BEST vacation ever!! Disneyland is soo much better with kids! There really is magic! Milly was in heaven! We had 3 day park hopper passes and we went to the park 2.5 days! You really need 3 days to do all the major things, especially when you have little kids! My mom came with us and seriously it wouldn't have been the same without her! We stayed at a hotel that was a block down the street from the main entrance! The hotel room was perfect, it was the kids suite so it had a parents room with a king bed and a kids room with a pull out bed and some bunk beds! We went to Huntington Beach for an hour before we left on Saturday. Emmy liked the sand but me, not so much! I'm to OCD for the beach. Sand was EVERYWHERE!!!! Milly thought it was awesome besides the cold breeze and FREEZING water! Daddy, uncle drew and Nana went swimming! We barely lasted an hour before we were all ready to go! Anyways on to the pictures!!


























- Sarah

September

September was another kind of boring month... Both the girls and I got sick and we are still trying to get over it!
Emmy started eating rice cereal and LOVES it!!






- Sarah