my girl.

there was a time when this day was filled with sadness, loss, and sorrow.

there was a time when my heart grieved whenever i thought about december the 28th.

six years ago, that heaviness was no more.

six years ago, i eagerly entered the hospital room and awaited your arrival.

i heard your first cry and cried tears of happiness.

i saw your perfect face and fell in love, instantly.

you came into this world with two black eyes from doctors pulling you out into this life.

you, so delicate and tough all at the same time.

you have been the cause of great rejoicing, laughter, and plain old fun.

you entertain us with your spunk and quick wit.

you belt out songs with such gusto it is impossible to ignore. and your graceful ballerina dances always leaves me with my hands over my heart.

you, my sweet and precious daughter, have become a light in my life where darkness used to creep.

your love of life and love for others remind me how amazing this world truly is.

you have spectacular talents of art, music, and words that leave me breathless or shaking with laughter.

i look into your dark and magical eyes, transfixed by the beauty which radiates all around you. i think of how lucky i am to have had the chance to hold you in my arms, to listen to the sound of your giggles, and to kiss you goodnight for the past 6 years. i treasure every day.

and at a time when families are enduring tragedy of loss just weeks before, i thank my Heavenly Father for another birthday i had to celebrate with you.

always know that i love you dearly.

know that i am imperfect in my duties as a mother, but i really am trying my best.

know that you are deserving of true and unconditional love, that you are to be respected, adored, and cared for. don't ever think you are undeserving of such things, for you are a daughter of God;

and always remember to act as such.

i love you with all i have. and i thank you for the light and love you have brought into my life. i no longer look upon december the 28th with dread and sorrow. since you have entered into this world, you have brought me peace, comfort, and happiness, on this day and every one after.

happy birthday to my lucky star.

i love you forever.

a somber reminder to appreciate life.

two days before friday, december 14th, my hands shook, my heart broke, and my eyes suddenly welled up with tears. the unexpected panic attacks frightened me. i looked around, terrified i might lose one of my children. the pain surged through my trembling soul just thinking about it. knowing that i could lose any one of these precious souls slowly broke my heart. it wasn't until sam came home and asked about my day that i fell into his arms and broke down completely.

i don't know what was wrong.

why was i feeling this and why now?

two days later, on friday, december 14, there was a shooting at an elementary school. 

my heart broke all over again, this time for every child involved, for their families, for their pain and suffering, for what lay immediately ahead of them.

yes, i knew the little ones taken were safely with their maker, but it doesn't make their families miss them any less.

my soul was heavy with grief.

and just when things seem bleak and dreary, the clouds part and the sunshine has a chance to twinkle through.

we were grocery shopping as a family. a little girl came up to sam with a package and a note attached. she was performing 26 acts of kindness.

i was extremely humbled. the kindness and selflessness of this girl brought such an amazing amount of hope into this world for me. there is still so much good in this world there is still so much love. and just like that little girl, i need to do my part, and i need to teach my children to do theirs.

the next morning when samiyah wanted to "help" me with dishes, i said, why not? messes, suddenly, weren't such a big deal after all.

when it was time for our fun friday movie, i gathered my children close and held them tightly.

we made a trip out to green bay to see our extended family and friends. we took our time getting there, enjoying and appreciating the lovely views.

my beautiful babies.

the joking and laughter was a welcome relief from the troubles of the world. we didn't get to see everyone - some were sick and out of town. we cheered on the packers from the comfortable powless home. and we stayed the night with our good friend, sandy and her grandkids. :)

we made it back to sparta just in time to practice sitting reverently and quietly.

when church was over, we made cookies. samiyah was curious about the molasses (we made gingerbread men for our advent activity) and she dipped her hands into the bowl, and even with the hefty amount of molasses she sampled, she wasn't crazy about it.

fresh snow fell, and the kids dared each other to run out and smash their faces into the snow. it was hilarious.

for family home evening, we checked another item off our advent activity calendar. we went out for hot cocoa and donuts in wisconsin dells. then we bundled the kids up to go christmas shopping at the semi indoor outlets. it was cold, but we had a great time together.

this week, i am grateful for:

*my children.

*my husband.

*and for their safe-keeping. 

more advent activities and a trip to the ER

we started this week out with a bang.

we headed out to lacrosse and took pictures with the mall santa, bought christmas cookies, and before the weekend was over, we ended up at the emergency room. 

samiyah had climbed up the shelves, grabbed the nail polish, thought it was makeup, and brushed the polish over her eyelid.

i heard her screaming upstairs, ran up, horrified, whisked her away to the sink, and tried my best to flush everything out with water.

we wanted to make sure she was okay, so sam took her to the hospital and they used this neon goop to reveal foreign objects/substances. she was okay. 

prayer really works.

we took christmas pictures, individually, and then spliced them all together. this is so much easier than wrangling kids and forcing smiles!

sam took the kids sledding. 

we all played in the snow as part of our advent activity.

we made a snowbunny, and caught the fresh falling snow on our tongues.

christmas treats are a must after playing in the snow.

when we are home alone - while everyone is at school and work, this is what we do.

mimzy sprints the kitchen floor.

she hates wearing clothes. i'll attempt to dress her for the day, but by midmorning, she is running around in a diaper.

the bulk of my day is spent thwarting her escape plans and moving things back to where they belong.

mosiah is quite easy. he's become a fast crawler and will sadly be losing his baby fat, but despite his crawling skills, he's still not as fast as i am. 

he's easily contained. mostly, he just eats and cuddles. i do have to keep the floors constantly swept and vacuumed, though. he puts everything in his mouth. and whenever i sweep, he races over like it's a buffet. yuck. 

it's usually mimzy's leftover snack food that scatters the kitchen floor. she's in this weird phase where she likes to crunch on veggies, and then spit out all the sinewy and seedy parts. i get it.

the ever wonderful "my do" phase is always a treat. i try to help her fix her shirt - "no! my do!"

i help her cut up her lunch or dinner food - "no! my do!"

i try to help her brush her teeth - "no! my do!"

things just became 10x longer to do than normal. sigh.

the great remedy for the "my do" phase is actually letting her do things.

we made teething/toddler biscuits. she did the bulk of the work, and i was super proud of her. she's quite the fiery independent. 

she enjoyed the fruits of her labor the best, i think.

another advent activity included construction paper, glue, paint, and marshmallows.

it was supposed to be a snowman craft. the focus turned out to be devouring marshmallows.

and there's always room for playing "flying frosty!" just a new game we made up. it was a blast - a tiring leg workout blast, but a blast, nonetheless.

a letter from santa, and other weekday happenings

we began the week with this little guy, trying to walk along the couch. he's 8 months now and testing out the strength and steadiness of his legs.

whenever he eats, i love watching his wiggly feet. they are so boyishly big, i love it.

mosiah loves his highchair, mostly because he loves to eat.

in an effort to supply some kind of "fun" and entertainment, i brought out the jar lids for them to play with. it kept their attention far longer than any toys out. they're always into my kitchen stuff, anyhow.

toys are overrated.

mimzy bumped her head and ended up with a bandaid. honestly, i can't remember how she came about it, but she can add this to her collection.

i know it's winter, but this little lady could care less what the weather is outside - she is determined to wear her swimsuit until a beach and warm sunshine appears. make your voice heard, kiddo.

we had a really great surprise in our mailbox this season. santa's letter came along with a hitch-hiking elf. our elf, rocko, from last year came back to us.

the kids' eyes almost popped out of their heads.

the christmas season is always full of magical treats.

after reading the letter, the kids were set to write letters of their own to santa claus. mimzy is confident in her writing skills, i think she knows she's gonna get what she wants.

isaiah and makayah's letters were adorable.

dinnertime was short and sweet.

as part of our advent calendar activities, we made cookies together. everybody helped with something.

oh, they were sooooo good!

the weather hadn't yet turned crappy, so we enjoyed the crispy air and bundled mo up so he could join the family, too.

he really couldn't move much, and i suspect he became bored watching everyone run around and have fun without him.

during the day, it can be tricky finding activities that mimzy actually wants to involve herself in for more than a minute.

with much supervision, we practiced cutting paper with scissors and a sliding paper cutter.

during mosiah's nap, we went outside for a game of hide-and-go-seek, and big ball soccer.

snack time didn't go over too well. she'd crunch the bell peppers and spit them out wherever she pleased. thanks mimzy.

mosiah was up from his nap and saw mimzy riding her "hee-haw." he longingly looked on, and i could tell he really, really wanted to ride that "hee-haw," too. 

he crawled right up, and i helped him on. he rocked back and forth, giggling his throaty giggle.

we had blueberry oatmeal pancakes for our silly saturday breakfast, like we usually do.

most of it ended up on baby faces, but that's why it's silly saturday.

our good friends came over for dinner and pictures on saturday night. did i mention, we love having visitors? well, we LOVE IT! surprisingly, we've had so many visitors while we've been out here in sparta, and it has made us feel so loved and special - thank you!

unfortunately, mosiah came down with a double ear infection this past week. i'm glad i took him in to get checked out. i'm so worried that i'll miss something like this and my poor babies will be suffering needlessly. anyway, i'm glad he's feeling better, besides the teething part.

and there's isaiah. he's helping us edit christmas photos. he's a good kid.

the end.

My beautiful wife

december comes again

changing batteries and cleaning out the car before the crappy weather hits.

hmm, well, the kids were supposed to be cleaning out the car. they were distracted by a "treasure hunt."

driving around sparta, the all seeing eye. creepy.

wisconsin terrain. i think it's gorgeous this time of year.

sisters.

while i'm going crazy trying to throw things together for dinner, makayah and isaiah are huge helps with the babies. makayah has learned to read and it is so helpful seeing as mimzy loves being read to.

we officially begin our advent calendar activities.

holiday dance parties are in full effect.

the kids wanted to decorate the tree all by themselves. i have such bad mom ocd, and it was really difficult to release such a task without "fixing" placements. but i did it, and i survived. however, the ornaments didn't have as much luck with mo around. he's like a little kitten.

there goes the tree.

poor teething baby. all he wanted to do was cuddle.

the following day, both babies ended up with coughs and sniffles.

the colds didn't last that long, and mimzy was up to her shenanigans again.

stealing daddy's blueberry pie. he thinks i just blame things on her. i had to take a picture for proof.

mimzy's new thing is pretending to be a kitty.

Mimz: meow, meow

Me: oh, what a nice kitty!

Mimz: ROAR!

yep, basically.

is it too much to ask for her to keep her clothes on?

apparently so.

oooh, i thought i had her this time.

a tour of daddy's workplace.

courtroom, traditional clan statues, office,.

he's legit.

the end.