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i feel terrible.

She was like the water that freezes inside a rock and breaks it apart. It was no more her fault than it is the fault of the water when the rock shatters.
--One Stab, Legend of the Falls

if i gave you a choice
to take back the last 48 hours of your life
and change everything


would you?

* because at the end of the race
when the fatigue passes
we can say
i ran the race, and finished.

the dogs ran out today
and in a crazy frenzy
i drove in circles
screaming for mango
around the estate
(we're not sure cooper
even knows his name)

we found them.
and if i had my way
i'll keep them tied up
until december.

urgh.
panic mode.

some of you reading cherie's blog has asked "she got married??"
yes. i havent got many peetures of my new brother,
because he's camera shy-- but in a wild burst of
mac-topia, with the new built in i-sight:
here's a peek.

he can be quite funny.

nobody cares.
i most certainly don't.

why, oh why is gilmore not out yet??
(the series closes on 15 may--
as much as i love them,
i'm quite glad its the last season:
the new writers are butchering it all.)

grab your gear, and buckle in,
tonight we drive
until the morning light.

let me just lie here








and waste away.

everyday that we are together is a choice
its not a simple matter of responsibility,
or accountability, or committment.

its about choice.

you choose every morning that you wake
to be in love
you choose every night that you sleep
to love and hold dear
you choose every time you talk
to be loving and kind

and above all
you choose every fight you have
to let go, to hold back

because you choose her, above all.

the only way to tear the boyf away from work
is to turn on the soccer.

hurmpf.

today i watched 3 hours worth of youtube

watching the terri irwin interviews.
(yes, i'm still grieving about it okay,
pls, no one talk to me about it.)

this is interview part 1 (there are 7, do watch them all--i did.)


and i watched tons of stevo clips
this one has gotta be the funniest.
featuring ROSS the intern, this totally hilarious pansy of a man
do watch do watch do watch!

while many of you have probably watched this, watch it again, it still cracks me up.

its the one with the english lesson:


the spa prank:


( if you liked the spa one, go and search for the japanese toilet pranks )

this one is for mariann and all other fish lovers out there:
so cool, training one's fish.

villa nalinnadda

i want to go to koh samui.
:)

every now and then
i check the Pearls before Swine
website and laugh at the crocs

everyone should too!
(PIG reminds me of the resident hufflepuff. haha)

from time to time, we ask ourselves,
what is the price of a relationship?

is it the time spent being in love that everything else comes to a screeching halt?
is it the emotions that burrow deep into our throats and into the canals of our hearts?
is it the friends we give up, or forget along the way?
is it the family dinners that go forgotten and coming back so late daddy has gone to sleep before you say goodnight?
is it the money saved that gets spent on flowers and chocolates and movies and ben & jerrys?

the price of a relationship, is the possibility (some more probable that others)
of heartbreak.

i don't mean i-slam-down-the-phone-because-i'm-angry
i don't mean i-walk-out-of-the-movie-leaving-you-with-a-lap-full-of-popcorn
i don't mean i-drive-off-without-the-kiss-goodbye

i mean the bone shaking knees weakening kind of wretchedness
that shakes the core of our self-esteem,
that demolishes all the castles we build of happy-ever-afters,
that eats at the tissues of our heartstrings, like festering pulsating pimples

and when it hits you, when it rocks your safe little sailboat,
and you're thrown overboard

you just have to swim, swim, swim
until your feet touches ground
or until you can swim no more

so the 18 year olds got together.
:) yay for e & c.

hoola hoola!

packing up my gear, bound for home.
nothing poetic to say really
just that i'll really miss you.

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

-William Blake

such lovely peace--
that eludes me;
but it's raining now
and i feel them on my face

nothings nothing i like better
than my room in the rain
except having you here with me.

c r a s h . b a m . s n o o z e.

what is there left to say?

woke up this morning with the old familar feeling, not one i've felt in a long time; an old familar feeling that brings out the ache and the tears and the crazy insane feelings of not being enough, of out-of-this world craziness and insanity.

and i had to leave to come home, to just be home, be quiet and meaningfully spend the day with cooper.

who must think i'm mad, to come home and fling my arms around his shaggy shoulders and weep over his head.

what's there to be so upset about? nothing, and yet everything.
i want to say its just exhaustion-- or that little bit of comfort of home, where everything blends into everything and everyone just has hugs and concern on their faces.

throw it into the wind, they say. scream it out loud and let it go.
but today let me just wallow until i can wallow no more
and tomorrow i'll be okay.

28 is too far away; but tomorrow's significance diminishes with the morning.


I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be Me

--unwell; matchbox twenty

things have taken such a drastic turn the past few days.

imagine getting accustomed to the sauna's slow dry heat
and then suddenly the room tips
and you're plunged into antartica
wet snow on your bare shoulders.

its hard to believe that we are the same people
that we were 100 hours ago
because so much has changed.

and little by little
and bit by heartbreaking bit
everyday we lose a little of ourselves

and we lose a lot of us.

yay for LAVI!!

:) looks like summer is on!