there's something weepy about this morning
the rain against the wide panes of the window
the way the world looks tinged
as if one put on gray glassed sunshades
and peered out from behind them.

i am ok
just feeling lost at this point
terrified at what happens from this point.

but empress dowager says go
so its a done deal.
me?
who really cares what i think,
the decree is passed.

it's like we're bumble bees
and i'd definately tell you to sting the intruder
its the right thing to do, fight for your survival
but at the same time, i need a moment,
a moment to myself as i realise
the stinging might tear the life out of you and me.

chasing cars; snow patrol

We'll do it all, everything, on our own
We don't need anything or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world

I don't quite know how to say how I feel
Those three words are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
to remind me
to find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
I just know that these things
Will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world

the new name's nua.

tonight was a nice reprieve from eveything
and everyone that was around knows what that means

having a bunch of very energetic 18 yr olds around
means for some reason you laugh at anything
at stolen touches, at stupid cards, at jinxed play

:) i liked the lot of them.

tis silly, this wanting to be 18 again.

the pool was tough enough,
after the past few days of dragging my body
against the resistance of the water
now it feels like someone poured mud in, and the sludge
drags me lower and slower.

muscles screaming, mind exploding
sleep deprived.

Is love a tender thing? It is too rough,
Too rude, too boist'rous; and it pricks like thorn.

--William Shakespeare
Romeo & Juliet

There will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all apt to expect too much; but then, if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere . . .

--Jane Austen
Mansfield Park

But the disparaging of those we love always alienates us from them to some extent. We must not touch our idols; the gilt comes off in our hands.
--Gustave Flaubert
Madame Bovary

she stares down at her feet as the rain pools around it
her shoulders are drenched, just as her heart is
bleeding pulsing healing breaking beating
one and the same, each one different from the other

she spins, arms outstretched
spins and turns and whirls
because the world goes on, little girl
it does not stop, please make it stop

and spins she does
and ricochets off the walls
within her head
and shoots off into the wind

she blazes bright white
crimson, navy, ochre, emerald, mustard, lime, burgundy
leaving a trail of gold dust in her wake
gold that falls to the ground like they belong to leprechauns
and leave the unmistakable splatter of blood
viciously split, gushing forth.

there is nothing i can say that can make this any easier

i'm here for you.
know that.

what i would give to take this cross
that you carry.

~c

you can hear a sample of the music by corrinne may here:
click me!

so many people have asked about Mr Beasley, hear it there too.

Meeting point
Louis Macneice (1907-1963)

Time was away and somewhere else,
There were two glasses and two chairs
And two people with the one pulse
(Somebody stopped the moving stairs)
Time was away and somewhere else.

And they were neither up nor down;
The stream's music did not stop
Flowing through heather, limpid brown,
Although they sat in a coffee shop
And they were neither up nor down.

The bell was silent in the air
Holding its inverted poise -
Between the clang and clang a flower,
A brazen calyx of no noise:
The bell was silent in the air.

The camels crossed the miles of sand
That stretched around the cups and plates;
The desert was their own, they planned
To portion out the stars and dates:
The camels crossed the miles of sand.

Time was away and somewhere else.
The waiter did not come, the clock
Forgot them and the radio waltz
Came out like water from a rock:
Time was away and somewhere else.

Her fingers flicked away the ash
That bloomed again in tropic trees:
Not caring if the markets crash
When they had forests such as these,
Her fingers flicked away the ash.

God or whatever means the Good
Be praised that time can stop like this,
That what the heart has understood
Can verify in the body's peace
God or whatever means the Good.

Time was away and she was here
And life no longer what it was,
The bell was silent in the air
And all the room one glow because
Time was away and she was here.

-------------------------------

i know i've blogged these a million times,
such romance in the words.

-------------------------------

When you are old and gray
William Butler Yeats

WHEN you are old and gray and full of sleep
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true;
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face.

And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead,
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

--------------------------------

the world is too small--

the new girlfriend
of the one person
whose ex-girlfriends i just had enough of,
turns out to be an ex-bestfriend
of a friend of mine.

he found her, in the middle of the ocean.

and that, though fictional,
made me weep at the sheer romance of it all.

"I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud"

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed---and gazed---but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

--William Wordsworth

and this is why, why Wordsworth is Wordsworth.

. . . usually words come easily
but this time, let the silence speak.

exhausted to the point of looking-for-reason-to-cry
just let me lie here, just let me lie here.

all i want now, is green curry with baby bally eggplants
all i want now, is radish soup
all i want now, is cold crab legs
all i want now, is bread and butter pudding
all i want now, is herbal chicken

i know it makes for a disgusting meal put together
but ah well, ding dong,
ding dong, ding dong, dink donk.

why, oh why does scofield have to be perpetually sheened in sweat?

:) moment of clarity.
i see right through you.

hate is not the opposite of love
indifference is.

there we go.
chapter ripped, shreaded, burnt to ashes.
i'm done with closing that chapter.
this time i'm destroying it.

wave your goodbyes,
this ship is sailing.

no tears this time,
(cue sarcasm) darling
i'm done, i'm done, i'm done.

the piano piece is utterly too romantic
for the mood i'm in,
emotions running wild all over the place.

hopefully tonight will be a fretless night.

pip pip
and too soon
its time to lay me down to rest.

i cant quite get this song outta my head
sitting in gabriel's dining room
with him, guitar in hand, singing
corrinne may's tunes.

Mr. Beasly

You don't have to drive a fancy car
Don't have to quote me Shakespeare
Just to woo me
Yeah I see your nervous laughter
When you're trying to crack some joke
Well you don't fool me

I'd like to see your eyes through those goggles that you're wearing
Don't try to hide away

*Just be yourself Mr. Beasley
I don't need your show of attitude
Cos it's your soul that makes me fall in love with you
Fall in love with you

You don't notice but I see you
In the church when you were praying
You just move me
And my friend Sue she tells me
You've been teaching kids for free
Mr Philanthropy

the sun creeps up as i creep
into that beautiful lull
of my cradle of pillows.

tra la~, its off to neverland
(and scofield & huntzberger)

nothing poetic to write really, just musing on this that and whatevers.
the house is at it's most perfect, the stillness of the night
creeps in through the windows, and swirls
and swirls around me, alone in my room.


If You Forget Me Pablo Neruda
I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Pablo Neruda

decadent living, decadent sleeping.

hoo hoo, today i woke up
without the sound of alarms, of shuffling feet,
of banging doors, of rushing.

and it feels too good to last.

if not for anything else,
go and download espisode 16 season 7
of gilmore girls
and just listen to the last 20 seconds
just to listen to zack sing at lane's baby shower.

"Hush, little baby, don't say a word,
Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird.

If that mockingbird don't sing,
Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring.

If that diamond ring turns to brass,
Papa's gonna buy you a looking glass.

If that looking glass gets broke,
Papa's gonna buy you a billy-goat.

If that billy-goat won't pull,
Papa's gonna buy you a cart and bull.

If that cart and bull turns over,
Papa's gonna buy you a dog named Rover.

If that dog named Rover won't bark,
Papa's gonna buy you a horse and cart.

If that horse and cart falls down,
You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town. "

ooh, i melt, i melt, damnit.

perth in random