so we're back from down under,
where the beaches go on forever
and the waves don't take a break
rested and well.

rewatching gilmore for the, perhaps
7th round, am at the episode where
she finds out the man she's about to marry
has a kid and he's found out for 3 months
without saying anything to her about it
so she walks into the diner, unexpected
and meets the daughter, and realisation dawns.
and i know, i recognise that feeling
that sink in the gut, cold water injected into veins
the chill that makes your hair on your hand stand
while the nape of your neck turns warm
and that little static runs down your spine
you forget to blink, smile plastered on face
and think, there must be some other explaination
please god let there be some other explaination
and there isn't, there isn't, there isn't.

man, it felt like ages ago
but it rings, and resounds so clearly
in my web-like mind, refusing to shake off
the rotten dead carcasses of flies once trapped
in those silver white threads.

because we both wont be in town this valentine's,
here's from then to now, with of course alot
alot of bits missing inbetween.

happy valentine's.

so kiss me and smile for me,
the fiasco is over, finally, finally.
not the desired outcome,
but at least now there's certainty.

celia is tired, and has been
but today, today she woke up happy.
please, noone burst my bubble.

to (1) because i miss you but i cannot tell you, our lives are a million miles apart
to (2) because of the crazy conversations, and secrets and mahjong nights
to (3) because you are in hospital and not well
to (4) because you're leaving tomorrow
to (5) because you've gotta be the sweetest relative we've got

:)

i'm upset, and i think you know why
because i made this decision because you were a friend
i changed the original plan because you asked me to,
because you said you didnt want to go it alone.

so i put myself here, for you, supposedly with you
and it hurts, that you seem to not bother about the consequences
to you, to me, to the plan we now had.

it hurts, because we are 2 fricking weeks away
supposedly to be starting the preps
and you tell me you want to change the plan
and this time, make ME go it alone.

you said you had few friends
so i tried to be there for you
take an hour to listen, really listen to you
and give you advice
and damn if it doesn't feel you're not stepping up
i don't even think it's asking you to go beyond
but just doing your half of the agreements.

so bull to what finance says
because right now, i don't even think you're
stepping up to the positions you put US in.
i don't care what finance says, and you can logically put it anyway you want
to justify it in your head, the fact is that your decision is based on Finance
doesn't make any emotional or logical sense to me

so it sounds childish, it sounds stupid
the stupid one is me, to not consider all this.

i spoke at length with the fairy god lover,
and everything becomes hazily clearer.
(ps FGL, thank you, thank you for aways being there
like my little rock, i can always count on-- in times like these
and in times of Ds, and in times of hurts)

i know i have 5, but damn i want another one.

the only one i dont mind giving away is beebee,
she's purely aesthetic, dumb as dumb gets.
:) any takers?

been so swarmped lately that i just found time to watch the coverted gilmore girls season 7 episode 12 i've been waiting to watch ever since it finished downloading 4 days ago. man oh man, what are the writers thinking for fishing's sake? seriously lah, life is depressing enough as it is, i don't need this crap.
and then since i have to wait till tomorrow to download the next episode, let me just kill it for you gg fans out there, **SPOILER ALERT**
1. lore and chris breakup, over Luke, arghhh, how many times must we do this?? can't they all just frickin move on already? lore and luke broke up eons ago (ie, 1/2 season) and i mean MOVE ON.
2. there is not gonna be much of logan, although episode 13 promises that he flies in on his chartered helicoper to be with rory at the hospital
3. richard gilmore does not die, although michel's stupid chow does.
4. oh have you heard, sookie's pregnant again, haiya, again, again.

damnnit. the new writers are killing the damn show. no more frickin lalaland, happy to sleep after the satisfying episode.
growl.

oh yea, amy and sherman palladino have a new series coming out about 2 sisters.
i hope they poach lauren graham, rory can just stay there.
from the way things look, she's going back to dean eventually (no, this one is sarcastic, but for some reason rory always ends up back in deano's long arms)

:( stupid show. but i'm still--kick my ass pls-- waiting for episode 13 to be uploaded. :(
argh.

there, steffie, i hope your night's better than mine. boogers.
and sueann lee, i like chris and lore, i do, i like having chris ard. boogers too.
and sooli, hurry up and catch up pls, it's no fun whining to you when you are on season 3--she doesnt end up with jess anyhoo. she goes back to dean. then logan. then jess. then logan. haiyaaa. dumbass show.

two of my favourite tunes:
Cannon in D by Johann Pachelbel
-pls, if anyone has nice versions or compilations, send me a copy/ copies; one can never have enough.
Classical Gas by Mason Williams

here are some youtubes, just listen.

Pachelbel:

1. the lovely traditional piano
2. brass quintet-- a bit annoying this version, but that's cos i'm not into brass instruments

3. harp

3. the lovely traditional piano

Classical Gas
1. the perfect tempo, the way i like it. i told myself when i first heard this how much i wanted to date a guy who could play the guitar, and this particular tune outside my window.

2. the original version, by the original guy


--will somebody pls buy me/download THE HOLIDAY OST for me?

its nice, just sitting here
on the sofa that cannot be sat on
among friends, good friends around
the mahjong table
white tiles
mangosteens
singlets and sleevelessness
and i sit here in my nice
terry cloth sweater with 3 black buttons
planning what to wear to the big harry potter
dress-up-queue-for-hallows on the 21st of July
i want to go as winky
my eyes are not big enough to go as dobby

from now on no one at home is gonna wash
their smelly pillow cases.
:) i'd look so hot i think.

sniggers.

come join us, queue outside borders the night before.
i promise good fun, and the most amazing sorting hat.

come and see, the sooli hufflepuff.

to the little girl with the pink pom pom and the ang moh nose: i like the bursts of energy and the crazy fun you inject into the sessions and games. you are more than just noise, you actually fight with your everything, and play with your everything, and i like that. you're a little fighter, a little survivor, and i hope you keep on fighting, keep on going. i know in many ways, you understand what it is like to want acceptance from family and friends--just wanted to say i think you are very capable, and smarter than most kids your age, so fight on sugar, fight on.

to the shaved boy who once had sideburns: i know you've seen more than most kids your age, i know growing up wasn't easy for you. but you know J, you have so much to be proud of, so much you can do as long as you choose to. choice is a very powerful thing, and i wish i had the time to sit down and talk to you. i just wanted to say that i really enjoyed meeting you and your group (double earhole, belly dancer, freckles, eyelashes & japanese)-sorry i don't know the individual names, but this is how i remembered you guys the past 3 days- but all of you, i don't ask that you be angels, just that you'd all learn to be responsible for the choices that you make, and that at the end of the day all of you can answer to yourself. J, it's been touching, seeing that under that fierce face, you actually care about your friends, you actually bother about people's feelings, and i think should be so proud of yourself. you promised me a story before we drove off about you-know-who, so do drop me an email. (cecilia@ekatraining.com)