its like agreeing to play blind man's buff in the dark
and when it's your turn to put the blindfold on
the lights are turned on
and you're the only fool in the dark

afterall that,
an email asking me what my resolution for 2007 is

lead me to think..

celia's resolutions
1. to be more graceful
2. to work harder this coming year
3. to actually start meeting up with people who matter

so the lot of you
keep me in check.

trust. is a funny funny thing with me-- unlike the wide-eyed boyscout, i tend to take the more conservative stand (or cynical, according to him). i don't trust until you prove yourself that you can be trusted.
or at least i need to believe that i can trust you.

funny, i muse, why would i need to prove that i am trust worthy to others, if faced with someone just like me, who needs to have the proof of my trustworthiness. i guess i don't need people to prove themselves. it's purely an entirely internal dialogue that goes on in my head.

that sounded like namby pamby rambling-- but that's alright, i've got it sorted out in my head.

on a separate note, too many people live in the past.
i used to be a good student
i used to work 12 hours a day
i used to have an hour glass figure
i used to be skinny
i used to have 6 pecs
i used to go partying every night
i used to get suspended from school
i used to be the best cadet
i used to be hot
i used to
i used to

haiya.
live in the NOW pls.
pffft.

no christmas magic this year.
2007 will be better.

i k e a and off we gooooooo

our first real date in a long time.

so the birthday came and went--
the primary school chickkies threw me a surprise.
:) the pictures tell the story.
(thank you for the lovely food and the even lovelier time)



fringed, all of us. and proud of it. except maybe ting, hers was urm.. well.


wanting cannot count.


this is 5. (part of our series of finger flashing numbers. we got up to 10!)


what's celia's birthday with no sparklers?


what's celia's birthday without a celia dance? this one was a cross between daph's ballet and li's hiphop. wanting's dance is too hardcore for me ah, i was afraid i would fall off a bar table.


the girl who never stopped caring for me, though time got between us, i thank you, for that sunrise openness, for those hours of advice, for letting me into your heart. i love you ting, and i love the person inside too. still the man


i think of the four of us, this one's the oldest, but the baby of us all--the girl who talked hours with me on the phone, who cried with me, and always took my side in the friend-don't-friend game, without whom primary school life would have been lonely as hell. i miss you daph.


i shouldn't have to say i love you, lili, i'm sure you know by now. i wouldn't be who i am without you. cheers, cos here's to more supper nights, and more hen parties, and more laughter, and more tears(we wouldn't be who we are without them), more bitch fests and more lalaland days.

You scored as Faerie. Faerie: Aren't you a cute little flying person? Faeries are earth spirits. They live among each element completely hidden. They have cousins called Pixies. Pixies however, are very mischevious. They enjoy tormenting other creatures for fun. Little pranksters.. I hope you never meet one. Pixies have a bad reputation for finding a creature and clinging to them until death. Faeries can be somewhat close to a Pixie, but mostly they are loving, playful, and carry with them a child-like enthusiasm for life. Hide among the pedals of a Daisy, you are a Faerie. Faerie 92% Mermaid 75% Angel 75% WereWolf 25% Dragon 25% Demon 25% What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!) created with QuizFarm.com

O_o who makes these quizzes??
damnit. i wanted the bubble one.

the little boy was tired, and lost. circles and circles, and back at the same place. his arms were breaking from the sheer weight of the things he carried, crying and screaming his muscles were for relief. it wasn't like he was 8 feet tall and could see the terrain of the land and find the path.

the guiding faries said to him, "follow your heart", like it's any advice at all.

so weeping, he sat down and took stock of the baggage. everything else he couldn't set down, because that was his crosses to bear, the mission to finish, without which his walk through the woods were for nought.

and then he felt it, the little toy boat in his pocket. the lovely wooden carved boat with its tiny sails of blue and white. he looked at it and he gingerly touched the little rigs and the sailing ropes. he would take it out every night before, and polished it, and put it on the table by his bed, so it was the last thing he saw when he slept and the first thing when he woke. he stared at it for a while or two, and carefully set it down on the rock beside his feet.

he knew it was a small weight. a small baggage to carry, but it was the only weight he could put down, because the others were more dire, more pressing.

so he hardened his heart, and as he turned away, the wind knocked the pretty little boat off its perch into the sand.

the toy he treasured, and loved to bits now lay bruised and half sunk into the sand. it's masts no longer upright, it's sails no longer clean. and it hurt his heart fiercely.

he stared and stared, but time was running out and not a luxury to have. and so he shut his eyes and turned away, the little boy walked away, refusing to turn behind to see what was left of the boat, or think about what would happen to that precious boat that was so used to its place on the mantle, now lying wrecked in the sand.

someone else would find it, he comforted himself. someone else would polish it and love it.

and as his back turns, the little boat's sails by abrasion of the sand in the wind, lay limp.

i understand why.
but i don't have to like it.

"do you need sometime to think about it?"

"how much time do we have?"

"the rest of our lives"

"that's true"



"lets take a week"

give me eyes that i may see the truth
give me strength to do what i need to do
and give me, above all, a rational mind.

hahaha

are we going to zoukout this year?

tonight i took the time to look into the night
and sit there and think about old wounds and fresh ones

of limbs intermingled under one blanket
of tears on the pillow
of lies and truth and the fine line between
of secret blogs and reading blogs in secret
of magic lines and angry words
of serendipity-s and giggles in the car
of dancing and laughing
of turning off the light and aircons or fans
of room one and baths
of mothers and fathers
of guppies and farms

and the sound of the night
the sound of the night
took my breath away.

and silently and as gently as they could fall
the cheeks grow damp
though gently they fell

because right now i feel loved
i feel loved and yet i feel quite quite lonely
silent, and trapped in the warps of my mind.

my lovely lovely brillant mind,
which somehow somehow lost its
excellence and shine--
distorted contorted bent into shape
by my realities.

today the family leaves for malaysia
road trip, just the 5 of us.
i wonder just how much fun
and how many fights we will have

but i know i need the break
we all do.

let the parties begin!
nothing, and i mean nothing
feels this good.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Soon the bells will start
And the thing that will make them ring
Is the carol that you sing
Right within your heart