had a very wierd dream last night...i dreamt of this particule guy from my ward who turned into a stalker and was stalking me all the way in my dream...oh well thats what a stalker does isn't it...haha...and so in the dream the guy was madly falling for me but i just simply have no feelings for him...but he was all around me evertime and everywhere i go...and hell y i was super scared in the dream la...he was even waiting for as i was bathing...he was waiting right outside the toilet...as he was afraid that i would run away from him...wahaha...thankfully that was all a dream...i can't imagine if it was really that guy who stalks me!!OH GOD!!!i can have a heart attack man!!but i don't think i would mind having a cute guy as a stalker...haha...

i had a stalker once when i was in poly and hell that was scary...but thank god the guy did nothing to me...i wonder what have he become now...i did saw him once like 2 years ago and well obviously i was getting away from him...who on earth would try to get close to the person who stalks them...

feeling super tired today...wondered what i did...but actually i did nothing...woke up @1030 but still feeling like shit...not only me but also my whole family...i think we had madde ourselves super tired for the past 1 week and now that we all have started working we feel so tired easily...but still at least i had a good time yesterday...thanks to Maria for asking me out for dinner...though i had a tiring morning at work and that i had to wait for her for super long and thats 2 hours!!but she really made my day...although we had dinner just at McD but i was just happy with that...she made me talk alot....my thing that i have not done in the past week...i realised that i have been keeping things to myself lots ever since nenek passed away..but i was happily talking so much yesterday!!thanks babe!!

up till today i'm still wondering if i have ever told Nenek that i've loved her...and yes i am confident enough to say that i've told her before but that is not as often as i told the others... just coz the quarrels we have almost everyday...and yes we can really quarrel over small little things...but all i can say is that i'm very satisfied for what i have done for her during her last few months of life...i took care of her and i was being very patient with her...something that i seldom does...i help to clean her up from head to toe...no matter how much it hurts my back i still continue doing it...i showered her myself even though she strongly refused and that i was struggling to shower her myself...i cut her finger and toe nails..something that she has been asking me to do since a year ago...i even did a "pedicure" for her...and i was actually planning to do it for her every monthly...but little did i know that it was the first and last time for me to do it...but still its better than regretting for not doing it for her...

i'm feeling super exhausted right now...yes even when its just my 2nd day of work....the AL n offs i had wasn't enough...since the day nenek passed away i never had a good night sleep...i would be super sleepy and tired but will have difficulty sleeping and when i finally get to sleep i'll be woken up by god knows what and i'll be tossing and turning in bed instead of sleeping....so there goes all my sleep...and hell yah!!i do look like a huge panda right now...puffy eyes not only from too much crying but also from lack of sleep....well everytime when i start to close my eyes or when i have the time to myself,i would be visualising the look of nenek's last breath and how peaceful she looked after she was being clean up...

and yes she took her last breath tight in front of my eyes and mama's...and there i thought that i was fully prepared to lose her...and well it was all wrong..i myself couldn't believe that i started screaming nenek right beside her and well i slipped from the bed...at that point of time i just dunnoe what i was feeling...and i even hugged someone who i don't like.....and to begin with since when have i like to be hugged?but when i got to get hold of myself i just stopped crying and treat everything as is it was all fine though it was not and will not be for now...nenek was already asystole when the medics came...and that was sharp at 1pm...they were doing resus but i told them that i doesn't want an intense resus...i just don't wanna hurt nenek more...at that point of time only god knows what i was feeling...but i was thankful coz nenek seems to be comfortable when God decides to take her life away...honestly i regret for not telling her that i love her so much no matter what...

to my dearest family lets all stay strong and prays for the best for nenek...honestly ever since nenek left us i realised that my family has been getting more closer than what we used to be and i do pray that it will last...abg no longer hold any grudges against abg man and he even told mama that its the time that we have to forgive and appreciate the time we have together as a family...

for those people out there who have been there for us all those times i would just like to thank you people lots!!! ;)

day 6 of rotting at home...not exactly rotting but that is waht i'm feeling right now...other than the pain i keep on having,the boredoom i have is killing me slowly...i used to pity those people out there with PID or slip disc..never have i magine how much pain they have to go through..but now i know...gosh the pain is beyond words...only god knows how it is....what the Dr told me was that its kinda late when they got to diagnose me...but then again come to think of it i guess its betta that at least i got ti find ouot about it now rather than never...i know that its not a thing that i can take lightly but i was mis-diagnosed in the first place...do you think i would not want to get the right treatment from the start?HELLO!!i'm not that dumb la...

well the pain i had was killing me...i even cried at the x-ray room...i can confidently say that my pain thrashold is vey high..but the pain i had was killing me...i/m pethidine that was given me didn't help me much...only a little of the pain was relieve...and up till today i'm still depending on the pain killers...but up till when do i have to depend on them...OMG!!i don't want to be walking with walking stick..relying on steroids for the rest of my life...that sux!!well i experience it for 2 days..wahaha...Mama was saying we should have recorded it and let me watch it by myself...wahha

thanks for Mama...she's the best mum in the universe...she the one and only...all the sacrifice she did for me for this days, she really showed me her love..oh my....luv u MAMA!!!

Weed juz broke up with that bitch...well thats a good news for me...i told myself once not to care about him after his break up and that i would be the first person to be laughing straight to his face...laughing at his stubborness and stupidity...but when i got to know about the breakup yesterday i just can't bring myself to laugh...what i did was i lend him my ears to listen to his feelings...haiz...but no matter what i'm still so happy...it made my day...and hell yah he deserve a SO MUCH BETTAR GAL!!not that f***ing bitch!!and bro now you know the reason why i hated her so much...

it has not been a good week for me..had flu from last week till the beginning of the week...i felt like shit but i still turn up to work...just coz i had already taken 2 days of mc last month...haha...trying to be good...then pt 1 starts to spoilt my week...

me: aunty take your medicine ah..don't forget...don't say later ah...must take right now...
pt: stares at me
me: why aunty?
pt: you wanna fight or what?
me: HUH?! with my blank look..
pt: ya lah why are you talking to me in that manner?
me: wtf!! aunty thats just the way i talk...n i walked away

evening medicine round
me: nah aunty your medications.
pt: wah why on earth are you so fierce?
me: the what the hell look,smile sarcasticly and walked away

Dr 1
me: dr pt is admitted but under your name so i need to know who can clerk pt?
dr:i can't admit her..someone must have used my name on the paper
me: stared at the phone...WTH?!

pt 2
son:my mum got fever and shivering
me: i know so i called the dr but have to wait
son: moved away and drag a dr saying the mum having seizures
me:WTF?!

pt 3
son:complain!!!wohooo!!!
me: ok lor...just another death facing situation then...

omg...if thats not enough the people they gave me to work with...aiyoh i very very stress la...OMG!!but still no use telling cause nothing will change...the latest shocker was that i got a preceptee...how on earth am i going to accept that...me?!precpetee?!muz have been a nightmare...gosh!!

talking about nigthmare..had a great dream last night...i was drining a mini coooper!!how cool is that?its superdoop HOT!!!haha...too bad it was onyin a dream...haha

my mood swings now is getting from bad to worst...irritatible... oh well...what to do...

OMG!!getting super sleepy now...eventhough had a great 7 hours of sleep last night...oh we...my sleeping hours is never enough for sure....haha

finally took our family photo...it has been years that we've planned ot do that..i was so looking forward to see how it turns out!!!wohooo!!!

OMG!!feeling hungry now...had dinner at 4...is tt even consider as dinner?haha...my meal time is just anyhow now...it has been super long since i last have 3 proper meals...even during my offs...haha...so i had it like 3 days ago and i was super happy about that...haha...and now as i'm blogging i'm actually thinking of what i can have for now...i'm HUNGRY!!!HELP!!!!

afternoon shift tmr...OMG!!!can i just quit?!!i'm just so tired of dragging myself to work everyday...never in my life have i ever felt like i want to go to work badly...GOSH!!!well of coz unless there's some eye candy that i can catch at work..which i dun even have now!!!such a depressing thing...

Wit looks happy to me...i seriously dunnoe what i should feel right now...at one time i just want him to stay as happy as he is right now coz i just dun wanna see him hurt but at one time i just wish that he will just leave her soon...coz everytime i see him smiling i know that that might not last that long..uptill today i still feel super disappointed in him...i mean i just dunnoe what he's thinking about or just what he's feeling right now...even if he trusted her so much can't he think that she could possibly be doing the same thing to him as what she did to her fiance?or maybe he's just in denial...someone who knows a guy ofr only 7 months and agreed to be his fiance..and when they are only engaged for 2 months she starts to change her mind...how does that sound?does that make you believe that she's someone you can trust and someone who can be faithful to you?!and bro,being with her for only 8 days doesn't mean that you are loving her whole heartedly..for someone who knows you too well all i can say is that you feel the affection towards her and not love...but according to you thats your real love...tghinking of making her to be the ONE at your age is just not rught...yes you can say that i dunnoe much coz i've never been in a r/s before but then again i think i've learnt alot from the mistakes that others around me made..and yes out of disappointment and anger i told you that i won't carre anymore but deep inside me i just knew that i can't do that and that i have no heart to do that to you...so even if i say i dun care a billion times that doesn't mean i dun...and FYI the post that i had was really meant for her and i'm so glad that she got it!!

finally cleaning up the spider webs from my blog...haha....

been wanting to do it since long ago...god knows when...but that never happen...its hard to find the time to do it now...been going out during my offs...trying my best to enjoy myself...and have been sleeping so much...catching up on my sleep...haha...

i started to get addicted to karaoke nowadays...kpet going for the sessions every month...damn wasting $$ but i'll be enjoying myself so much...haha...well thats coz no one cres about how good or bad you sound there...when i have a karaoke session on my own at home it makes me so paiseh coz my neighbours would be listening....haha...but who gives a damn...haha

28042010...the unforgetable date...the date when i had to get 2 of my teeth remove!!!OMG!!the sound of the drill was killing me...haha...but thank god i went through it once and ofr all...i won't want a second time for sure...

whether in SG is just killing me for sure...upto 35 degree?*faint*...and thank god i smell rain today...but still it doesn't make much of a different...and coz of the weather now i feel that i'm falling sick anytime soon...MC again?wahaha...my sister sure gonna kill me...wahaha

finally i've decided to blog today...i'm like super bored..trying towatch the korean dramas but its not working...WTH!!!
just did another round of night...this time its a total of 4 night...made it through...haha...thought that i'll die halfway but i suvived...with 4 admissions and i went on strong...its not as bad as i thought...well it all depends on the team you work with i guess...all in all i can sat that this latest round of night is super interesting...i worked with people i never work before...i was all alne in the station looking after 5 pts...something i have never thought possible before but i did it!!!worked with someone i've never talk to before for the past 2 yrs...its not like we are enemies but its just that we have nothing to say to each other...so well its kinda same if i was to work alone too...haha...and its one of the scariest round ofnight coz the ward was rather empty and thats creepy...haha..but all in all i had fun...

for Tok Anjang-moga Allah merahmati roh mu...moga tok diletakkan dengan orang2 yg beriman...amin...he left out of sudden and i saw his last breath right in front of my eyes...thank god it was a smooth one but uptil today i still d have nightmares about himtaking his last breath...its not like as if its my first time i saw someone dying...i'm too used to it...but looking at some who you love gasping for the last breath it just felt all different...what made me felt worst was that the children actully wanted me to check if the pulse was still present after they saw him no longer breathing...but one thing for sure is that i didn't break my promise coz i've been visiting him when i had the free time....and that was something i didn't do to Tok Jurong after promising to him...

matchmaker on the lose for me...to all those who tried their very best thank you so much but i don't think i need your help for now...to Irish thank you for the help from you but if you were to really do it right in fron of me i'll be dying of embarresment!!haha

took a taxi the other day to work and got this idiot taxi driver who was supper old...old enough to be my dad who actually single and wanted to get to know me!!what the F*** was he thinking...i purposely emphasized on the word uncle but it seems like he don't even care!!!he was complementing me too much that somehow i felt something is very fishy...to that uncle....if we were to meet again in the future you'll be a dead meat...