Happy Easter

Isaiah 53

The Message (MSG)

53 Who believes what we’ve heard and seen?
    Who would have thought God’s saving power would look like this?

^2-6 The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling,
    a scrubby plant in a parched field.
There was nothing attractive about him,
    nothing to cause us to take a second look.
He was looked down on and passed over,
    a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.
One look at him and people turned away.
    We looked down on him, thought he was scum.
But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—
    our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.
We thought he brought it on himself,
    that God was punishing him for his own failures.
But it was our sins that did that to him,
    that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
    Through his bruises we get healed.
We’re all like sheep who’ve wandered off and gotten lost.
    We’ve all done our own thing, gone our own way.
And God has piled all our sins, everything we’ve done wrong,
    on him, on him.

^7-9 He was beaten, he was tortured,
    but he didn’t say a word.
Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered
    and like a sheep being sheared,
    he took it all in silence.
Justice miscarried, and he was led off—
    and did anyone really know what was happening?
He died without a thought for his own welfare,
    beaten bloody for the sins of my people.
They buried him with the wicked,
    threw him in a grave with a rich man,
Even though he’d never hurt a soul
    or said one word that wasn’t true.

¹⁰ Still, it’s what God had in mind all along,
    to crush him with pain.
The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin
    so that he’d see life come from it—life, life, and more life.
    And God’s plan will deeply prosper through him.

^11-12 Out of that terrible travail of soul,
    he’ll see that it’s worth it and be glad he did it.
Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant,
    will make many “righteous ones,”
    as he himself carries the burden of their sins.
Therefore I’ll reward him extravagantly—
    the best of everything, the highest honors—
Because he looked death in the face and didn’t flinch,
    because he embraced the company of the lowest.
He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many,
    he took up the cause of all the black sheep.

STUCK

Last Saturday, Jon and I attended the Dallas showing of STUCK.  The film was produced by the organization Both Ends Burning to bring awareness to the crisis that's building in international adoption.  The film followed the stories of three families, each who's adopted from a different country.  One of the families was in the middle of adopting from Vietnam when that country closed to inter-country adoption.  My heart ached for them as we watched their desperation grow as they fought to bring their son home.  After the film a couple from Arkansas got up and spoke about fighting to bring their daughter home from Guatemala for the past six years. They're still fighting.  For a family who's at the beginning of their international adoption journey, the whole evening was very sobering and a little terrifying.  However--heart-wrenching terror aside--I encourage you, beg you, to watch this film.  Even if you're caring for the orphan here in the U.S. or if adoption isn't on your radar at all, these kids are worth fighting for.  Check out the trailer below; you can watch the film in its entirety at http://buy.stuckdocumentary.com/.  

Contrary to popular belief that international adoption is "trendy" and that loads of people are doing it, it is actually becoming more difficult--more expensive, more complicated--which is turning a lot of people away.  Some countries are more difficult to adopt from than others.  Ethiopia has historically been one of the easier countries to adopt from, which led to the peak number of Americans adopting from Ethiopia in 2010.  But, check out the stats below from adoption.state.gov--even in 2010, only 2,511 American families adopted from Ethiopia.  Things started tightening up and getting a little more difficult in 2011, and you can see that nearly 800 less families adopted from Ethiopia that year.  The stats aren't posted for 2012 yet, but I'm sure they will be even lower.  For a country with approximately 5 million orphans, that's not a lot of kids being adopted.  

I pray that international adoption doesn't continue to become more and more difficult. Please watch the film, and sign the petition which the leaders of Both Ends Burning will be presenting on Capitol Hill this May.

Adoption Statistics

Adoptions from Ethiopia to U.S. by year

2011	1732
2010	2511
2009	2275
2008	1723
2007	1254
2006	731
2005	442
2004	284
2003	165
2002	105
2001	165
2000	95
1999	42

Waiting Well

 

I've been thinking for several weeks about writing a post on "waiting well," but I just hadn't gotten around to it.  This evening someone in our agency's facebook group posted the question "what does it mean to 'wait well'?" and I figured it was a sign that I needed to get my butt in gear.

 

We have officially been waiting for 1 month and 3 days.  It's hard for me to believe that we've gotten to this point in the process, after over a year of agonizing over the wait to wait.  Our dossier arrived in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia on Valentine's Day.  I've always hated Valentine's Day (I don't appreciate cheesy, forced romantic gestures), but now I guess I have to like it, at least a little.  When I got the e-mail below from FedEx I just stared at it for a few minutes.  God bless Selam (which actually translates to "hello" in Amharic), whomever he/she may be.

 

 

As I said, we're only 1 month and 3 days into the wait. However, I've been thinking about what it means to "wait well" for a long time already.  I'm sure that over the year/s we have until our kids come home my thoughts and feelings will change a few times, so this is probably the first of many posts on the subject (get excited). 

 

For us, for now, waiting well means preparing ourselves--every part of ourselves and our lives--as best as we possibly can, so we are well equipped to provide our children with everything they need.  It means getting our finances in order, it means getting in shape and establishing good eating/exercise habits (neither of which we've been super successful at in the past) so that our kids will grow up healthy and active, it means learning as much about attachment and adoptive kids' needs as we possibly can. 

 

At this point, we're feeling okay with--and even thankful for--the long wait we have ahead of us.  From the moment the judge in Ethiopia says "they are yours," our lives will change forever.  For now, we're savoring the last little bit of this child-free chapter in our marriage.  



 





dos·si·er

 [dos-ee-YAY!]

This is the post I've been waiting one year, two months, and a few days to write.  Our USCIS approval arrived Wednesday, and this morning we sent off our dossier--and a big check--to our agency.  

Oh M GEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This means that the wait to wait is almost over, and we are *almost* officially WAITING.  Waiting for the phone call and e-mail with our referral information, waiting to see our children's faces, waiting to visit the country we've fallen in love with, waiting to begin life as a family of four.  

So, here's how it works.  West Sands will receive our dossier on Tuesday (I'm watching you, FedEx), and they will sort through all of the documents and make sure everything looks good.  Then, they will send it to a government office in D.C. to be authenticated (which basically means approved and stamped) and translated into Amharic, then it will be sent back to West Sands.  West Sands then sends it to Ethiopia... when our dossier is in the hands of the Ethiopian government, we will officially be on the list, officially WAITING.  

We would gratefully appreciate your prayers that our little dossier stays safe and sound during its world tour and that it (we) would find favor with each government official who touches it.

FedEx excitement

our entire life is in this binder.  

Oh M GEEEEEE!!!!

celebratory lunch at queen of sheba

In the Meantime

 

Good news--we found out yesterday that our file has been assigned to an agent at USCIS, which means we should be getting our approval in the mail sometime in the next week or two! Let's get this show on the road, people. 

 

I promised that the next post would be light and fluffy, so here we go. While we've been waiting to wait, we've gone on two fun trips.  I am blessed to work for an airline, which means free flights.  We used my flight privileges twice this month: to visit my sisters in NC and to go to NYC for my birthday. 

 

My one request for our NC trip was to have a sisters only lunch with my sisters Sage and Jenny.  Jenny has been battling a serious illness (but she's doing really well), so it was extra-special to have that time together.
 

While in NC we went by Old Salem, a 200+ year old area of Winston-Salem.  I spent a significant portion of my childhood in NC, and I have lots of pictures of myself at this water pump from the time I was a baby.
 

All I wanted for my birthday was a trip to NYC, so we left on the morning of my actual birthday (December 15th) and came home the next day.  Jon had some Hilton points leftover from his old job, and we used the last of them for one night in a hotel near Times Square. 

Rockefeller Center

Breakfast at a tiny diner before we headed back to the airport. Sadly, that hat was my only NYC purchase.

Last weekend we were near my niece Cheyenne and her boyfriend Matt's house, so we stopped by to give our great-nephew/godson, Roman, his Christmas gift.

 

I hope everyone had a lovely, restful Christmas.  Happy new year! 

 



Waiting to Wait

I have been struggling a lot this week with self pity.  We still haven't received our USCIS approval, and we had our fingerprints taken one month ago today.  I never thought that we would start 2013 NOT being on the waiting list.  Lots of other West Sands families have been getting really quick responses from USCIS--one couple got their approval FOUR DAYS after their fingerprints--and they're all passing us by.  Jon has been calling USCIS once a week for a month to ask what our status is, and each time he gets the same answer: our file is still waiting to be assigned to a case worker, waiting to be handled.  Life is  beginning to feel like one of those dreams when you're running as fast as you can and not moving an inch, or moving excruciatingly slowly. I get multiple "how is the adoption going?!" questions each week, and I grit my teeth and always answer the same: "fine, thanks, we're just waiting on our approval! we're really excited!"

I have had many angry/weepy moments when I've wondered why this process seems to be harder for us than for other people (which is ridiculous, because some families have to fight and petition and hire attorneys to get their children home).  I am also dealing with the bitter disappointment and heartache of a difficult situation with a family member, which has not turned out the way I've hoped and prayed (and I mean the lying face down on the floor in a puddle of snot and tears kind of praying).  I have definitely had a few "where the heck ARE you, God???  I'm super pissed!" conversations with Jesus. 

Admittedly, I struggle a lot with fear, anxiety, and a glass-half-empty outlook on life.  In my defence, I've lived through some pretty crappy stuff, including the tragic, sudden, and shocking death of my very best friend in the world 8 years ago.  A lot of the things I've feared most (the death of loved ones, job loss, multiple family members facing life-threatening illnesses) have come roaring to life and punched me in the face. So, of course, I immediately jump to worse-case-scenario mode with regard to this adoption. (Russia's recent announcement that it's about to ban all adoption of Russian children by American families is not helpful in this regard.)

I think I need to have some serious time with Jesus, and maybe some counseling, to shake me out of this fear/anxiety mode.  It's blinding me to the awesome things happening in my life.  I've mentioned before on this blog that we want/need to pay off our debt before the babies come home, and I've spent   years--even before adoption was on the radar--praying that God would miraculously provide the means for us to pay off our debt.  About a month ago, Jon got a huge bonus at work, enough for us to pay off one of our highest-balance credit cards. He sent me a text saying that the balance on this card had been paid in full and, when I was driving home that day, it hit me--God had miraculously provided to help us pay off our debt.  With this one card's balance gone, we can begin applying its huge monthly payment to our other cards and will hopefully be on our way to being debt free.  Praise His name.

I apologize for the lengthiness and heaviness of this post.  If you've kept reading this far, God bless you.  I promise the next post will be light and fluffy, with lots of pictures.



The Home Study

and an update

We are so, so close to being on the waiting list, and I can't wait....!  We've had our fingerpints taken at USCIS and are just waiting on our approval letter.  Once that comes in we can send our dossier to West Sands and get on "the list."  

I was sad that there was no ink on my finger, since everything is electronic now.
(side note: before I left work for our finger print appointment, I had somehow managed to make a can of Coke explode all over myself--and the kitchen at work.  I frantically washed my bangs in a sink in the bathroom and towel dried them in the car, but the back of my head was still a sticky mess.)

Our home study visit was August 18, and it wasn't nearly as bad as I feared/expected it would be.  Our social worker briefly toured the house, and then the rest of the visit was her interviewing Jon and me, both together and separately. I love the scene in What to Expect When You're Expecting when Jennifer Lopez's character is completely freaking out and hiding her wedding photos before the social worker arrives--I can completely relate to that "OMG if this person doesn't like us we can't ever adopt!!" panic. I was a nervous wreck for days leading up to the home visit, and I even had a last minute meltdown just before she arrived that involved my frantically bleaching and scrubbing the kitchen sink while sobbing (I can have a meltdown like a champ). As soon as she left Jon helpfully pointed out that I had a GIANT rip in the back of my jeans. I then got into bed and watched movies the rest of the day to recover.  

At least our house was super clean.

 

I also laughed during the home study scene in What to Expect When You're Expecting when Jennifer Lopez's character serves cookies she's baked and the social worker refuses to eat them. I found a blueberry bread recipe on Pinterest and got up extra early to ensure I had enough time to make it, but our social worker refused to have a piece. She also declined our offers of tea/coffee/water; some of our adoption friends have told us it's typical for social workers not to eat or drink anything at clients' homes.  

I, however, stress-ate throughout the entire visit.

 

My beautiful blueberry bread (which was half gone by the time she left)