I was telling my husband about our insane day and he told me we could look at me going back to work and putting Peter in day care. I told him no, that Peter and I enjoy about 80% of our time together and he just hears about the other 20%. But that 20% is killing me. He is driving me nuts. Maybe I am already nuts.
Yesterday the weather was crappy and today was more of the same. By 9 30 this morning Peter was chomping at the bit to get outside. But it was windy and rainy and nasty out. Sooo I scrambled around looking for some place I could take him to burn off some energy.
We live very close to Philadelphia and I know there is a lot to see and do there, but I am not comfortable driving there, and the idea of Peter having one of his monster tantrums on the train is daunting. He wants to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it OR ELSE. I have called his bluff before and that child DOES NOT BLUFF.
He did not want to get in the car. Now, you would think since I have 200 pounds on this child that I would win this kind of argument. Peter stiffens his whole body and throws himself around to get out of the carseat. It is very very hard to make him sit in the carseat f he does not want to. Soooo we went for a walk. I knew he wanted to go for a walk and I was fine with it since it was not raining at that precise second. But he wanted to splash in the mud. Maybe I should have let him, I don't know. But then I would have had to struggle to get him onto the house all muddy and bathe him and deal with his wrecked shoes and who knows what is in the mud puddle any how, maybe broken glass since we were in an alley. I was still focused on trying to get him in the car and get to storytime. Or part of storytime.
He wandered around and we finally got to the car. I had to change our errands since it was pouring and the roads were flooding.
Sometimes I wonder if my learning disability is contributing to the problems Peter and I have. I have dyscalculia. Part of what I have is cognitive rigidity. Which is not really being stubborn, but is more like not seeing there is another way to do something. Like my sister said one time "who cares if Peter's onesie is not snapped?" And she is right, who cares? But I had him on the table for the longest time while we battled over getting diapered and dressed. Because I forget that it does not matter and who cares if he has his pajamas on anyhow?
Anyhow, I wonder sometimes after an exhausting day if the combination of toddler will and my unintentional inflexibility feed into each other.
Anyhow, he was angry that I would not let him play in the sopping wet mulch, and I would not let him go into the lagoon, and I would not let him run into the road to play with the cars etc etc etc. He does not want to be in the stroller but he also does not want to play in any kind of safe way. Because he is little. sigh.
I don't know where I am going with this really. He fights me so much. I swear, that boy has been having tantrums since he was four months old.
Yesterday the weather was crappy and today was more of the same. By 9 30 this morning Peter was chomping at the bit to get outside. But it was windy and rainy and nasty out. Sooo I scrambled around looking for some place I could take him to burn off some energy.
We live very close to Philadelphia and I know there is a lot to see and do there, but I am not comfortable driving there, and the idea of Peter having one of his monster tantrums on the train is daunting. He wants to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it OR ELSE. I have called his bluff before and that child DOES NOT BLUFF.
He did not want to get in the car. Now, you would think since I have 200 pounds on this child that I would win this kind of argument. Peter stiffens his whole body and throws himself around to get out of the carseat. It is very very hard to make him sit in the carseat f he does not want to. Soooo we went for a walk. I knew he wanted to go for a walk and I was fine with it since it was not raining at that precise second. But he wanted to splash in the mud. Maybe I should have let him, I don't know. But then I would have had to struggle to get him onto the house all muddy and bathe him and deal with his wrecked shoes and who knows what is in the mud puddle any how, maybe broken glass since we were in an alley. I was still focused on trying to get him in the car and get to storytime. Or part of storytime.
He wandered around and we finally got to the car. I had to change our errands since it was pouring and the roads were flooding.
Sometimes I wonder if my learning disability is contributing to the problems Peter and I have. I have dyscalculia. Part of what I have is cognitive rigidity. Which is not really being stubborn, but is more like not seeing there is another way to do something. Like my sister said one time "who cares if Peter's onesie is not snapped?" And she is right, who cares? But I had him on the table for the longest time while we battled over getting diapered and dressed. Because I forget that it does not matter and who cares if he has his pajamas on anyhow?
Anyhow, I wonder sometimes after an exhausting day if the combination of toddler will and my unintentional inflexibility feed into each other.
Anyhow, he was angry that I would not let him play in the sopping wet mulch, and I would not let him go into the lagoon, and I would not let him run into the road to play with the cars etc etc etc. He does not want to be in the stroller but he also does not want to play in any kind of safe way. Because he is little. sigh.
I don't know where I am going with this really. He fights me so much. I swear, that boy has been having tantrums since he was four months old.
6 comments:
You have my sympathies. Really. I feel the same way a lot.
Funny you should mention the dyscalculia. I have (well had... it's kinda a non typical situation) dyslexia. I just don't have the ability to cope when it seems like everything is mounting.
I get not wanting to put him in daycare to try to fix the situation. Me and my husband just had that conversation last night. It doesn't really fix the situation. In fact, the thought of trying to get him out of the house on time and prepared for daycare only causes me more anxiety cause that's half of our battles too.
And they are strong. Michael hurts me (physically) a lot. It gets old very fast.
On the carseat I heard some advice once to bring the carseat in the house and let them get used to it not in the car and then maybe it won't be such a big deal when he does have to sit in it. I have no idea if that actually helps and it sounds like a PIA, but maybe it's worth it. You could also turn the seat around if you haven't already. I know it's not the safest position but if his fusing is causing that much of a problem maybe the slight increased risk is worth it.
But really I have no idea how to make life happier for everyone. I can't do it for myself. I think if I could find a play group life would be better but I've had zero luck with that so far.
Sometimes he is ok with the car seat and sometimes he is not. He is napping now, thank GOD because the dinner dishes from last night were still in the sink and the trash was funky. I still have a ton of cleaning to do. WHEN DO I NOT?
I think the problem with a baby that does not nap is that you can read, sing, play, watch an episode of Sesame Street, have breakfast and a snack and go for a walk and it is STILL 11. A. M. Leaving you seven more hours of baby to entertain. And I don't think throwing money at the problem will help- you know my neighbor takes her baby out every day- sometimes all day. When does she relax and have free play?
I was thinking since you are an engineer and so is my husbands side of the family( complete with rocket scientist) maybe the boys are just really frustrated? Every time I think Peter is really smart he does something like bite through the skin of a banana and try to eat the peel. But I see him wanting to work things and undo things and he just seems to have a mechanically inclined mind.
I think taking Michael out helps quite a bit. I wish gas wasn't so high but some trips are really close to home and some have to happen anyhow. It's kinda a hard thing to judge but we need to go shopping several times a week anyhow (we go to a couple of different stores to hit the sales) or go to the library or park. So I try to take him out in the morning after breakfast cause he's full and happy. He's always a delight when we are out of the house. We come home before lunch (he wakes around 6, we try to leave around 9 and get back before 11). Eat lunch and then play/read books until 12:30 and take a nap. The trip helps tire him out and go down for his nap quicker. Then, God willing, he will sleep until 2:30 or 3. Then it's only a couple of hours until DH gets home. When everything goes right it's a pretty good schedule. And this time of year it's usually nice enough to talk a walk in the late afternoon but once it really heats up we will probably only be able to do that early in the morning. I plan on getting a baby pool to cope with the hot weather. We also have a sand box that I let him dig in on days that I'm going to bath him anyhow (he'd dig in it and for an hour if I let him). It's nice having a covered deck because I hate putting sunscreen on. Pretty soon we will take trips to the garden to work there. Michael needs an activity to occupy him. With Michael too much of anything is not good. So we can't do all the shopping in one day, it's just too much. Hours of free play are too much too. It's best for us if things are broken down into shorter activities with some kind of loose schedule.
On the napping, if Michael falls asleep for even a couple of minutes before scheduled nap time, I can kiss that nap (and my sanity) goodbye, so I have to be careful about taking him on strolls or car rides too close to lunch (not that those things ever help him to fall asleep when I want him to). Then, after I get him to sleep he has a tendency to wake early and I've tried to get him back to sleep and put him in the crib, but it's just too risky most of the time. It's just a lot safer to just hold him and try to get a little nap for myself too when that happens. Sure, I don't get anything done but I'd rather have him trained to sleep during a certain time of the day no matter what than risk loosing naptime altogether. The week DH was out of town this happened and I don't need a repeat of that.
i really think you need to consider putting him in some sort of daycare for at least a few hours a day a couple days a week. louise really likes her daycare, she likes playing with the other kids. sometimes she cries when i pick her up! and girl, i don't wok for the money, i do it for my sanity.
you want him to burn off energy? you send him to daycare for a few hours. i'm not down withe the ginormous ones where the kids have to wear name tags, louise goes to a lady who runs a small daycare out of her house, and when she gets there, she PLAYS and i can do whatever i want, which includes working.
I worked as a nanny, in a small home daycare and in a huge one. They all have things that are good, but I personally thought the small in home daycare was my favorite. I am going to approach this nice librarian that cares for her grandson and see what she does.
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