The Big D

Not divorce, diarrhea(thank you spell check).  Peter had it this morning and so we canceled our party plans for tomorrow morning and pushed back Grandma's visit til Sunday.

He was pretty chipper about it, and had a fine albeit quiet day.  Instead of the park and walks we watched two hours of Sesame Street and picked up some pedialite and crackers.  He has a teeny fever but nothing big.  Honestly I am stalling because I don't want to clean up the BRAT mess everywhere. Cracker crumbs, rice  UGH RICE EVERYWHERE.  It's stuck all over because after eying up our delicious kielbasi and perogies he flung his rice in boredom.  Sorry pumpkin.


Anyhow I am drinking coffee at 9 p.m. hoping to perk up enough to face the rice paddy in our dining room.   I did some research and asking around and I think the funk I was in was hormonal and due to weaning and no more oxytocin.  Even with the poonami today it was a better week than the last.

It's CD 12 and Mom will be here for the O.  GREAT.  Who wants to have sex with their Mom in the next room?  Unless of course you are 18 and have no car.  Mister says he does not care and we are doing it.

Holy Mother.

Well it looks like our insanity of last week was brought on by a nice combination of teething( eyeteeth) and poor weather.  The rest of the week we took car trips to Grandmas and the Amish Market.  The Amish Market has some insanely good doughnuts and my new mini goal in life is to eat two a week.  WHAT? 

Peter is not talking yet but is trying very hard to communicate with us.  He babbles a lot and points to things he wants or is interested in.  He loves it outside.  When we are not outside he is frequently found gazing out the window, wishing we were outside. We'd spend more time out there but I get really, REALLY tired of fighting with him about staying out of the road, not eating bark, not eating rocks, not RUNNING IN THE ROAD, lather, rinse, repeat.  We are about a month away from being finished in the backyard so thank goodness I will finally have a fenced in area for him to run in. 


We had a lot of fun today, and read and sang and wrestled and played in our blanket tent.  He did figure out how to get the baby proof latch off the buffet.  And he also used Jedi mind tricks or voodoo to knock over one of our gates and stand on it.  His naughty smile was kind of reminiscent of Stitch surfing. 


Our seedlings are growing well, and we are transplanting them next week.  I think the marigolds we planted about four weeks ago will be flowering soon. 


I am dragging ass.  Hardcore.  I still have to clean up dinner.  And go on a search for cat pee.  I kept smelling it and could not find it.  Then I thought I was crazy.  Till I realized Fiona peed on Peter's blanket.  She refuses to jump the safety gate and insists you open the gate for her.  Sooo yes, part of my SAHM job is being a doorman/lavatory attendant for our cat.  I must have not been there for her.  Nice.

She is not handicapped or anything, and she is perfectly capable of jumping onto the sofa, bed, and half wall.  The bed and the half wall are both higher than the gate, but she won't do it.  ARGH.

My boobs hurt so much from milk. 

I just don't know.

I was telling my husband about our insane day and he told me we could look at me going back to work and putting Peter in day care.  I told him no, that Peter and I enjoy about 80% of our time together and he just hears about the other 20%.  But that 20% is killing me.  He is driving me nuts.  Maybe I am already nuts.

Yesterday the weather was crappy and today was more of the same.  By 9 30 this morning Peter was chomping at the bit to get outside. But it was windy and rainy and nasty out.  Sooo I scrambled around looking for some place I could take him to burn off some energy. 

We live very close to Philadelphia and I know there is a lot to see and do there, but I am not comfortable driving there, and the idea of Peter having one of his monster tantrums on the train is daunting.  He wants to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it OR ELSE.  I have called his bluff before and that child DOES NOT BLUFF. 

He did not want to get in the car.  Now, you would think since I have 200 pounds on this child that I would win this kind of argument.   Peter stiffens his whole body and throws himself around to get out of the carseat. It is very very hard to make him sit in the carseat f he does not want to.   Soooo we went for a walk.  I knew he wanted to go for a walk and I was fine with it since it was not raining at that precise second.   But he wanted to splash in the mud.  Maybe I should have let him, I don't know. But then I would have had to struggle to get him onto the house all muddy and bathe him and deal with his wrecked shoes and who knows what is in the mud puddle any how, maybe broken glass since we were in an alley.   I was still focused on trying to get him in the car and get to storytime.  Or part of storytime.  

He wandered around and we finally got to the car.  I had to change our errands since it was pouring and the roads were flooding.

Sometimes I wonder if my learning disability is contributing to the problems Peter and I have.  I have dyscalculia.  Part of what I have is cognitive rigidity.  Which is not really being stubborn, but is more like not seeing there is another way to do something.  Like my sister said one time "who cares if Peter's onesie is not snapped?"  And she is right, who cares?  But I had him on the table for the longest time while we battled over getting diapered and dressed.  Because I forget that it does not matter and who cares if he has his pajamas on anyhow? 

Anyhow, I wonder sometimes after an exhausting day if the combination of toddler will and my unintentional inflexibility feed into each other. 

Anyhow, he was angry that I would not let him play in the sopping wet mulch, and I would not let him go into the lagoon, and I would not let him run into the road to play with the cars etc etc etc. He does not want to be in the stroller but he also does not want to play in any kind of safe way.  Because he is little.  sigh. 

I don't know where I am going with this really.  He fights me so much. I swear, that boy has been having tantrums since he was four months old.

Hop on over.

My friend put a bunch of new stuff on her shop.  Am I getting money from her to tell you this?  No.  Drugs? Sadly, no.  However my darlings, she is talented and I love her.  There is a permanent link to Fiddlebum Designs on the right sidebar. 


Her jewelry is very nice, but the special item there I can personally recommend are the baby tube socks.  She sent Peter a pair and he wore them for at least nine months.  They would still fit if he did not have such fat legs.  And they stayed on much better than any other socks I bought.  AND they washed up like a champ.  AND  could handle Peter chewing on them.  AND they are made with love. 

CD 1!!!!!!!

A 34 day cycle!  I am very happy about that.

I am a wee bit groggy as I had nasty, terrible, awful cramps and woke up to what could most delicately be described as some laundry issues. Since Peter is weaned Mr and I decided I could take a more hardcore pill this morning.  I could not believe that for the first time in almost two years I could make a decision solely based on selfish reasons. 


We had a very busy day yesterday.  Peter was amazing through SEVEN hours of errands.

We have been having some major budget discussions and trying to make some hard decisions.   Our gas budget has gone up so much since this time last year.  Seventy dollars more this May compared to last May.  And we know that by the end of this month we will have to turn the air conditioning on.   Anyhow, our budget has been really hard to stick to, with gas and groceries and hellooo hot water heater and stuff like that.  Sooooo...

We traded in our much loved Honda CRV for a Civic.  It's newer and gets better gas mileage and we got a better interest rate and our car payment is ninety dollars a month cheaper.  Even if gas prices don't go up( riiiiiiight) we will be saving one hundred and thirty dollars a month.   Which is probably the difference between me having to go back to work part time and me getting to stay home full time. 

Of course the trade off is space, we changed Peter's diaper in the new car last night and it was somewhat like doing origami. 

You know what that means thought, right? I ovulated exactly when I thought I did.   

Weaned.

I guess.  Mr. got Peter rocked to sleep with no Mommy.  I should be both happy and relieved, right?  I am kind of neutral.  I love nursing.  I love how calm it makes Peter. I love how we snuggle.  And lets be honest, I love that there is nothing I can do or have to do while I am doing it besides sit there. 

Of course I am sure Peter will protest at some point this weekend.

I am also pretty sure that I'll be floating down the Red River this weekend.  No surprise there.  Well a semi surprise in that I could get my period on like CD 34 or 35.  That would be amazing and actually within a normal cycle. My last cycle was 38 days.   Not terrible. 


After what I would describe as a hellish Monday and Tuesday, Peter has been incredibly happy and pleasant and jolly and delighted and DELIGHTFUL.  Miralax gets the credit.  He had so much poop in him.  Mr. and I both feel we have all turned some kind of corner and that Peter is just so happy now.  Obviously he is still a bit tantrum-y but nothing like before.

CD 31

I am exhausted and headed to bed.  After I wash a few more dishes.  Our water heater leaked and it was very dramatic.  INSERT HORRIBLE SOUL KILLING STORY INVOLVING MONEY WITH A COMMA AND PERMITS AND WAITING AND NO HOT WATER.  We have company coming tomorrow.  I could not bring myself to tell them I really for real did not want anyone coming here till I have caught up on wash.  I think Peter is going to talk really soon.  I am pretty sure he has been trying to say "yay". 

For you.

I love how when you are nursing you look so very happy, and content.  I love your gleeful, impish smile when you are doing something naughty and know it and look right at me like "Ha HA, isn't this the best?!"  I love how when you get excited you twitch all over with glee.  I love how when some new toy interests you, you squeeze it as hard as you can.  I love to watch you play Baby Dinosaur and Daddy Dinosaur every night and run shrieking around the living room. I love your crumpled little scowl when you cry, because that is the tiny baby I remember bringing home, who cried and cried and cried.  I love to watch you sit and read three books at a time.  I love your excited smile when you walk into a room, confident that fun is waiting for you.  I love to watch you feel the wind on your face and the rain drops on your hands.  I love how your hands sometimes stay in fists as you sleep, because you do everything so intensely.

I love everything.

Always, and always and always,

Mama

Sooooo

I brought Peter into the pediatrician today.  He only gained five ounces, he was 21 pounds 9 ounces for his one year, and 21 pounds 14 ounces today.  Even though he pooped this morning before we went, with much crying- they could still feel poop in there.  Sooo, I gave him a suppository and he is getting miralax every other day.  They kept telling me to put it in his juice and I was like HE DOESN'T DRINK JUICE.  Not even apple juice? Everyone likes apple juice.   I TOLD YOU HE WON'T.  Jesus. 

Anyhow, he would not eat his chicken and green beans and banana for lunch so I figured why the fuck not and gave him a fauxreo.  It's like an oreo but not all greazy.  He ate about a third of it in the most piteous and grudging way.  \\\\\

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Ass whuppin continues

A fifteen minute nap today.  In the car. 

After a totally demoralizing and exhausting Tuesday I went to bed early and got up at six so I could clean and get ready.  Peter mercifully slept till eight- though he was up three times in the night. I think another molar is about to break through.  .  Soo while Peter slept I did morning stuff and cleaned the kitchen. I felt like we would have a great day.   After Peter woke up I gave him breakfast- which he did not eat.  Maybe 10 pieces of cereal.  He pointed to a banana but when I gave him some he just squished it.  We did some errands, Peter took his 15 minute car nap.

For dinner tonight( which took me an hour and a half with the cooking and cleaning or one episode of Sesame Street and one of Signing Time) I made a chicken casserole.  I took mushrooms and onion and whizzed them in the food processor.  I cooked them down in butter and olive oil and then made a bechamel.  I took a green pepper and some celery and whizzed that too.  I shredded some cheese.  I cooked egg noodles.  I mixed the noodles, mushrooms, cheese, peppers, and some sour cream and a bit of mayo and put it in a crock pot with some chicken.  I thought it would be a good way to get dinner ready by dinner time and a good way to get some roughage into Peter. 

It was pretty bland, you would not think it would be, but it was.  Most likely because I did not add salt.  There was salt in the cheese, and I know babies are not supposed to get too much salt. 

All that time and those dishes( the flavor did improve after spending two hours in the crockpot) and I served buttered green beans on the side.  Peter did not want ANYTHING to do with it.  He did not want that, or a granola bar, or  oatmeal.  He ate about two tablespoons of oatmeal.  That's it. 

He got a nasty bruise on his face tonight too.  I think he tripped, I was looking away for the proverbial 2 seconds to pick a magazine up off the floor.  Anyhow, ow. Sad baby.  He gets really clumsy at the end of the day because he is so tired. 

God Almighty.  If he does not nap tomorrow I am going to cry.  8 a.m till 7 45 p.m.  I have to finish cleaning up and I threw some chicken in the oven for tomorrow.  At least I know he will eat that. 

I just feel so guilty.  I can't give him 100% for eleven freaking hours.  I get so  exhausted.  How does he not get exhausted?  Mr. told me it will get easier in a few months.  So did my neighbor. 

I hate how negative I sound.  I love Peter.  We have fun.  But him only napping twice a week is frying me .

Peter whipped my ass today.

A 20 minute nap in the car.  That's it.  Biting.  Tantruming.  The whole day wasn't awful, but my allergies are making us miserable.  Me because hello I am trying to rub my eyes till they bleed and poor Peter just wants to play outside.  So he looks mournfully outside while I wheeze and when I feel better we go back out.  lame. 


I think I have pms too, a little early but it would explain my need for chocolate and my short fuse.  Mister came home and disappeared into the bathroom and when he came out I told him I needed to go upstairs and lay down and not take care of anyone for a while.  He asked if I was really that bad, in a tone I would have to call incredulous.  But then he took over and fed Peter and got him ready for bed and went out and got us dinner and poured me a beer.  Soooo good beer.  I am leaving the entire shit bombed house the way it is and going to bed in a few minutes.  Then I'll get up at five and clean up before His Heinie-ness wakes up. 


dear jesus,

Please have mercy and let tomorrow be fun and easy.

Failing that, send me an oreo mudslide the size of my own ass.

love forever

celia

Bitches

I am having a hard time finding any kind of food worth a DAMN that I can make in five minutes that we will all eat but is still healthy.  Help?  I just spent an hour online hunting and not finding.  The library has been a bust too. 

Run off my feet

Holy Crap.  Run go run climb go run walk laugh go run climb throw REPEAT.  Anyhow I am freaking exhausted. We played outside and walked for an hour and a half.  I made the lamest dinner ever which I have to go clean up.  Can anyone PERSONALLY suggest a crock pot cookbook that does not suck?  I made meatloaf over diced potatoes in the crock pot today.  Bland and boring and the potatoes were so fatty.  It was a confit of potatoes.  jeeze.  You know I was scared to deviate from my meatloaf recipe but I know with the crockpot you can get screwed if you do not have the right amount of liquid in it.  ugh.  Anyhow meatloaf baked over potatoes sounded like a good idea.  But in reality.  NO.  UGH.  Tomorrow we were supposed to have leftovers but I can't face it.  I am making a crock pot tuna casserole tomorrow. 

If you are wondering why I just don't stop using the crockpot, it's cause my child won't nap.  Or naps 2 out of 7 days a week.  I just don't have time to cook for real.  Which is depressing, but still true. 

Anyway  I find most crockpot recipes to be bland and salty.