Snips and snails and puppy dog

tails, that's what little boys are made of. We got an unmistakable shot of what our tech called the "wing wing". LOL. Sea Monkey( or if we are being formal- Peter) looks great and is to quote" perfect and exactly right". YAY! My placenta did move, and is in the front of my uterus. Likely being pummeled by Sea Monkey which is why I can't feel anything. He was fully stretched out and almost lounging across my belly. We saw his wee man hands and legs and feet. Everything is in the right spot and doing everything it should. Hooray!

Mister and I are beyond excited. Mister scanned in all the pictures so if I can remember how, I will post the newest ones.

Sea Monkey is stil in there!

I heard the heart beat nice and clear this morning at the doctors office. So now tomorrow can be a treat where we will finally see how Sea Monkey is doing. I cannot believe how many weeks it has been since we have had a peek in there.

So tomorrow we will get up early and have bacon and eggs and then head off to see what all we have going on in there.

I almost forgot, my blood pressure is fine, and I gained five pounds this month. Which is horrifying to me. personally but my ob said since I have only gained 7 pounds over 20 weeks that she is not concerned. So according to my nutritionist, I can gain 8 more pounds, but the ob says I can gain 13. I am hoping it is only 8 more.

Tomorrow is twenty weeks

Wow. It still doesn't feel real. When does it feel like something that is actually going to happen? I guess if I have not relaxed yet, I won't at all. Tomorrow is my regular appointment so we will at least know if the baby is still alive. Then the day after is the gender screening where I will grab the poor ultrasound tech by the neck and demand to know WHERE THE DAMN PLACENTA IS AND HAS IT FREAKIN MOVED? Sorry Laurie( that's her name) but I am at the edge of patience.

On our way home on my birthday, I asked Mister if he was still afraid that we would go to the appointment and find Sea Monkey had stopped developing. He said yes, but that he thought I would feel different. I don't think I would feel anything. I don't think I would "just know". That is the scary part to me, that something could be wrong and I would not know, and there is probably nothing they can do anyway. Most people around me when I tell them that I am trying not to get excited till viability give me that "babies don't die and if they do it is only OTHER people's babies" look. Or they say " nothing will go wrong". Which is a crock of shit. Denying something could happen does not make it less likely. I can't decide if I am realistic or morbid or if this is just me being unable to commit to something I still believe will get taken away from us.

Is it wrong that I am not floating around in some cloud of blue and pink? I am happy, but so so cautious. I do feel like I do not love the baby yet. I tell the baby I love it, but I think I am afraid to. I loved our first baby right away. And that baby never even developed a heart beat. I wish I could be different and like everyone else. I know if I was on the outside of this I would not even consider that something could go wrong at this point. My sister has thrown caution to the wind and is buying a ton of stuff. I feel like some crazy woman trying to ward off the evil eye while everyone around me smiles and tells me there is no such thing.

Mostly instead of thinking about decorating the nursery I think about how horrible it would be to undecorate the nursery. I still have not bought a pregnancy book, I still have not registered at the hospital or scheduled child birth classes or infant cpr or breast feeding or anything. I keep putting it off. Partially because what is the point of a labor class when it might be a c- section but mostly because I just can't believe we will need it.

But tomorrow at least we will know if Sea Monkey is still in there. And the day after if everything goes well we will know if we are going to be surrounded by pink or blue. My sister is hell bent on willing a girl into existence and has bought a ton of pink stuff from this store called umm Jack and Jill? Janie and Jack? Something like that. She was showing everyone on my birthday and said she could not resist and if it is a boy maybe one of the other two pregnant women in her life will have a girl.

Personally, while all we really want is a baby, Mister and I would choose a boy if we could. But only because we can't agree on a girl name. And have made no progress trying because Mister said it is pointless to pick one till we know we need it. I know my husband and if we have a girl she will have that man wrapped around her finger from day one. He says no, but I am sure he will be a pile of mush forever.

I am about to go to the store and get stuff for meat sauce. I might throw some sausage in there this time instead of just ground beef. And then we are making apple pies out of the 15 pounds of apples we have from Sunday. I will just be holding my breath till tomorrow.

Today I am officially

advanced maternal age. Or as I hear it in my head, ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE...... I tried so hard to get pregnant and be done before hitting this number that is like a giant signpost reading "COMPLICATIONS AHEAD" Well, it's here. I am 35. Thirty freakin five. I will be 70 when Sea Monkey is my age.

I am having a lovely weekend. Yesterday Mister sacrificed himself and took me furniture shopping. We were planning on the museum but did not realize they had shortened their hours. So we had to skip that. But couches.... I love looking at couches. * Note to self- it is a little less enjoyable when you must heave yourself out of each couch.* After I had drooled over living room sets, we went to the best and most wonderful store in the universe. Sephora. And I picked out a big box of Urban Decay eyeshadow and a lovely face mist. Ooooh it is nice. Then we went to Longhorne, Mister loves steak and I do not cook it so I had a pretty nice chicken while he made sweet, sweet love to an enormous piece of beef. Then we went to Ikea, then we went to WalMart- which sucks but we needed cat food. Then we went home and curled up on the couch and watched Transformers 2 and had milk and cookies while Mister rubbed my feet.

Then we went to bed and this morning Mister made me pancakes and I treated myself to half a cup of coffee. My first coffee since July! I can't feel anything but we assume Sea Monkey is high off the sugar and caffeine. I admit, I had a teeny hope that the syrup and coffee would provoke Sea Monkey into a few karate chops. Nope.

Soon we are leaving to pick apples, then we are going to see Mom. Good Christ I am not looking forward to that part. But still, we will be 20 weeks on Wednesday and there is no hiding it anymore. I am NOT looking forward to it. But I enjoyed my peace while I had it. Then, we are going up to Daddy's who is grilling pork chops and chicken. It is the last time he'll use the grill this season. All in all, it should be a lovely day. Except for the Mom part. Ugh.

But mostly a very lovely day.

Ninja baby

I am never going to feel the baby move. I know there is something in there, because I am large and it is really hard to shave my legs. But it could just as likely be a fruitcake as a baby. I have felt zippo. It is really frustrating. I have even eaten a bunch of candy and orange juice hoping the sugar rush would spur the baby to kicking the crap out of me. We have nine days to go till the gender scan.

Both of us are going crazy wanting to know what is going on in there. Alive baby? Dead baby? I can't believe that everything is ok. I would like to, but I am just too ( pessimistic?) realistic. I want EVIDENCE. Irrefutable evidence.

I got on the scale today. I was a little scared because I have been hitting the potato chips but all is well. Not anything crazy.

My sister is taking me to the Hershey Spa in early November. I am dying to get the pre-natal massage but it is over a hundred dollars. Which is a lot. When we have baby stuff to buy. Instead I am getting a facial to try and combat the awful pregnancy breakouts. My face is COVERED. It has been like this for weeks with no sign of stopping. I suppose it could be worse, but really it looks awful and is depressing when I look in the mirror.

We went to Burlington Coat Factory yesterday. I liked their baby stuff much better than Babies R Frickin Expensive. So we may go there instead.

I made my bosses unhappy this week. But I don't care. They scheduled my co-worked an 8 hour shift with no break. Which is illegal. I called them and said someone should cover her but no one did. Our store policy is that the store cannot be open without a manager on duty. But you cannot work more than six hours without a break. I was really pissed. So I emailed both of them and reminded them that it is both against the law and against store policy. If that employee wanted to, they could report us. Getting screwed out of your break by an emergency is one thing. Planning to screw someone is another. If it happens again I am going over their heads.

Back from the stores

and about to face plant in bed. My sister gave me the onesies and bibs she could not stop herself from buying. And she bought a new onesie that says "special delivery". Which was setting off my bad luck alarm but I she is determined to buy things.

I bought two maternity bras. One that is a shelf-y type breast feeding bra that is a 40 D, God Help me. And one is a sports bra so I have enough support, also in a porny size 40-D. Wait till I tell Mister. Sadly I also bought some maternity panties. But really I should call then drawers or bloomers or GIANT UNDERPANTS of hideousness. God they look like the underwear I was going to buy as a joke.

Dear Jesus,
I don't care if my panties fall down, but if my ass is ever large enough to FILL those things- please please give me a pain free labor to make up for the painful shame of having the LARGEST ASS IN THE UNIVERSE.

love,

me

Then we went to Motherhood- -not too scary. I bought a very nice pair of tan pants and a black shirt with with white ruffly underblouse thing. And I only spent umm 105 dollars for everything.

We also went to..... The Cheesecake Factory. I had the chocolate coconut cheesecake and basically I almost swooned. I did tear up a little it was so good.

Shopping today

I am on the hunt for a bra. And another pair of pants and a top. And if the heavens smile upon me- some underwear.

My sister and I are meeting in Jackson NJ at the outlets and then going to the mall. Crikey. It is pouring here. It has been raining for days. Bleargh. But I am going to eat something indulgent and full of carbs today. Like and Auntie Annes pretzel. Mmmm crappy mall food slathered in butter.

Do you know Sea Monkey is popular and already has two wedding invitations? I feel like it is cruel to bring a baby to an adult party but the adults in question suggested it. So I am mostly thinking that I could buy a super precious outfit.

Well off I go into the slop.

Underneath all the hormones

I am still me. You know when I was at the obs on the 30th I could hear another patient through the wall. She said " well, we weren't really trying or not trying" and while flipping through my magazine I thought automatically " bitch". You know, I was on some level comforted that I am still myself. A nasty self, but hey- still me. I can see pregnant women without instant firey hate. I can see babies without needing an hour of deep breathing. But I think I will always, always have a chip on my shoulder.

Mister and I are going to R- Word. You know, register. Thank God my good friend( we love her because she is fabulous MOVE TO YARDLEY) is having mercy on us and helping us. I cannot imagine two more clueless people than me and Mister being let loose in a Babies R Gonna Need A Lotta Shit. Argh. So overwhelming.

We are gonna register in November. So around the five month mark. Scary. We are still pretty convinced we want to cloth diaper. I have a history of eczema and cloth diapered babies have less diaper rash. Plus it will cut our costs way down if in fact there is a #2. hahaha number 2. I mean a second baby. I am guessing that I will NOT love the laundry, but I will love saving money. I cannot decide between Bum genius and Fuzzi buns. I like how the velcro ones look but I feel like the snaps will last longer.

Really, I have no damn clue.

sayyyy this is my 400th post.

Telling Daddy went well. He and my stepmom were very happy and excited. His exact words were "no shit", which is really funny if you know my dad because he never even let us say "shut up" when we were younger. But Daddy is super excited.

They did not show moose poop pictures, but they did bring home this atrocious fox skin and hang it on the wall. It was pretty creepy and looked a little too much like someone had skinned Mister Naughtypants for his fluffy tail. Ick. Thank goodness they did not get us one. Yuck. We watched a video Dad made of their trip highlights. While everyone else ate brie and I pretended I was full. Oh brie, how I miss your creamy goodness. sigh.

Sooo am I the only one who is pregnant and has zero interest in sex? It's not just me, right? We tried yesterday, because I feel bad that I don't want to and I feel guilty that Mister is living like a monk. It was pretty uncomfortable.

Then yesterday at work I felt funny. I called my ob and they said I was ok and it was just Braxton Hicks. They went on for hours. It didn't let up till I got home. All tightness in the front of my belly, but just like Dr. Google says, they did not get stronger and were not really painful and were only in the front. I think maybe the sex brought them on. So it scared me a little, because what the hell do I know about being pregnant? I still never bought a baby book because it freaked me out too much. Mister and I were talking about it last night and we are both still pretty scared something will go wrong.

So that is what all is going on here. I am off to take a shower and get ready for work.

I am ready for Saturday.

Or at least I am ready not to run errands. I took Princess Fiona to the vet this morning for a second opinion on her poor paws. They think she has some kind of rare dermatitis. So they are trying her on a few weeks of antibiotics and prednisone to see if that helps. Otherwise they are going to do a biopsy on her poor little pink paws.

We were there forever- ok two hours because no one had seen what she has before. I am just thrilled someone has some kind of idea what to do because the last vet we took her to thought it was a bee sting. On our indoor cat. Right.

And I need to do laundry , take a shower, and go grocery shopping. But I really just want to lay on the bed. Bleargh.

I had a leg cramp so bad last night I fell out of bed. Good times. What is that? With pregnancy and leg cramps? I am not pregnant in my legs. I didn't get hurt, I landed on my Snoogle.

I have to train a new hire tonight and I am fresh out of lollipops and rainbows. But tomorrow we go tell my Dad. So that is nice.

The most irritating day ever

What I wanted to call this was the MOST FUCKING irritating day ever but I figure some people might not like that coming up in their side bar. Here is my list of reasons my MOOD has turned into A MOOD. So I got up in a MOOD because of my stupid stretch marks and stupid acne. For real there is not one clear spot on my forehead.

Then I poured my cereal and Mister drank all the milk. Fine, but how bout a " I drank all the milk" before he left? SO I figured fuck it and put half n half on my cereal. But then I felt guilty and chucked it. Then I got ready and went to the doctor and my gps argued with me and sent me the wrong way and miraculously I was not late but THEY KEPT ME WAITING AN HOUR. Get real. AN HOUR??? Only wanting the damn flu vaccine kept me from stamping out of there.

Then I went to Acme BECAUSE WE NEEDED FREAKIN MILK. I am in line and see all the Eagles promo items and shopping bags. I ask to speak to the manager and tell him I will never shop there again. He tries to tell me that just because they sponsor the Eagles they don't support animal abuse. I am told him that was crap and either you did or did not support something and they would never get any more of my household budget. I do not buy that "we support the Eagles and not dog fighting" argument. Because that is hypocritical.

And then I was so pissed that I drove the wrong way home and had to turn around. And I had not eaten enough and I could feel my stupid hypoglycemia kicking in. And then some dumbass cut me off on the way to the bridge. And then my phone rang and scared the crap out of me. And THEN I hit the gas too fast and the stupid bar thingy hit my car. And then some other dumbass tried to pull out in front of a semi that was blocking THEIR view AND MINE and I almost hit them or they almost hit me or whatever. If you can't see, don't freakin GO. Wait for the truck to move for Christ's sake.

And then there was no where to park. AND THEN my vitamin water leaked everywhere. AND THEN I CALLED BACK MY HUSBAND WHO
a. Asked why I was calling. How the hell do I know? You called ME.
b. Told me I was in a bad mood. REALLY?
c. Told me it is ridiculous to boycott people that support the Eagles. And I gave him The Voice Of Death. Then I asked him if it would be ok to go see Charles Mansen if he was a great dentist even though he killed a bunch of people? If you do not make choices in how you spend your money It IS the same thing as agreeing with things that are wrong. It IS. Companies could care less about my opinion, they respect what you do with your money. By refusing to give my money to people who are doing things I do not agree with- I show my disapproval in the only way that gets heard. I give my money to people who do the right thing. I withhold it from people and companies that do not do the right thing.

I am IN A MOOD.

Off to finally get the flu vaccine.

Now I just have to worry about finding theH1N1. For Christ's sake WHY don't obs give this out? And I am in a MOOD because last night when Mister was kissing me and Sea Monkey good night he lifted my shirt and said " what is that?! stretch marks?" Then I went upstairs and saw my awful pregnancy acne. It is terrible. Truly. Then I went and slumped/climbed into bed and wished I could at least feel Sea Monkey moving.

Yes a baby is worth acne. Yes a baby is worth stretch marks. Yes. But I am still looking in the mirror and seeing a 35 year old woman with 5 inch white roots THAT EVERYONE HAS TO COMMENT ON and enough pimples to supply a classroom.

When I called to make the gender scan appointment they offered me ammnio again. I told them that 1 in 200 odds of a dead baby is too high. Not when the nuchal fold test put our odds at Downs at one in 2000. It was long enough odds even for an obsessive worrier like me. We are getting the test on October 29. Which is a million years away. I hate that I cannot see how the baby is and I hate that I can't feel anything. And I am going to go take a shower. Stupid acne.

How it went down.

No picture. Do you know how sad we are to have no picture? I had the longest minute of my life watching my doctor search around for Sea Monkey and not find anything. But the little stinker was hiding high up on my right side. NAUGHTY SEA MONKEY! NO HIDING! But we heard the heartbeat and it was 140 bpm, so that is good. My blood sugar test came back excellent, and I only gained two pounds. I am really happy about that.

I declined the amnio. Our NT scan came back fine, and I don't want the 1 in 200 risk of infection. We have the gender scan in three weeks, and they will look for spina bifida. I don't get that, they already looked at the spine when we had the NT scan.

The big excitement( I mean the BIG PAIN IN MY ASS) was trying to get the flu shot. Notice I said "trying". My ob does not do flu shots, my regular doctor doesn't have the one I want without mercury. They told me to go to Walgreens, who told me that while they had the shot I wanted, they could not give it to me because I am pregnant and need a special person to give it to me. Because why? Am I gonna get the shot and grab them by the balls while demanding pickles and ice cream? WTF? So then I had to call the main Walgreens number and talk to some rep who would not give me a direct line to a place where they WOULD inject me because they don't take incoming calls. So is there a fuckin secret handshake or what? Everyone agrees I should get the flu shot, but no one wants to actually give me the damn thing. So tomorrow I am trying again.