Tomorrow is my appointment

And it cannot get here fast enough. Both of us are sick of wondering if everything is ok and want to KNOW everything is ok. Mister keeps wanting me to tell him that if something is wrong I would "just know", except that isn't true. I would be sitting here patting a dead baby filled uterus and looking at the fuzzibuns website in complete ignorance of what is going on inside.

So tomorrow is what I want. Screw today, today is filler. I am going to work a long shift and then come home and wait. And wait. And wait alone, since Mister is working tonight. Stupid waiting.

Dear Sea Monkey,

No fooling around in there! Be healthy, be swimming, be growing. Daddy is CONVINCED you are a boy, since last night you gave Mommy gas so terrible that Daddy ran from the room. Mommy would have liked to run too but heck there were chips in the living room. We will see you tomorrow. And then Mommy will buy you a treat.

love,

Mommy


Dear Placenta,

Move you lazy git. Scoot over or else and stop hogging up the prime real estate on top of my cervix. I expect to see some MOVING or I will punish you with Celine Dion and Oasis. That should send you scurrying to the top.

Sincerely,
Uterus Owner

Snoogle after two days

I feel great! I sleep! I sleep well! I feel better than I have since June. Mister told me he could not remember the last time I didn't have to drag myself out of bed. Yesterday I got up with no problem, felt so good I initiated s-e-x, went to work, went to the grocery store, cleaned the kitchen, rubbed Mister's feet,and cooked dinner. Normally, I only have the energy for work and the store.

We are going to have to either buy a step stool or take away the bed frame, cause getting in and out of bed is not that easy. Our bed is really high and this last week it has gotten hard for me to get in.

Today is my day off and I am making meat sauce for ziti, running errands, going in to work for some extra hours( we have an ENORMOUS hours cut coming next week so I am going in today to get caught up on shit that I will get behind on again in October) and then maybe some laundry.

Mister changed our dryer hose thingy yesterday and finished transplanting our iris bulbs. And tracked dirt all over the house. Oh well.

I see the ob on the 30th thank goodness. We freakin hate waiting this long to know everything is ok. I am going to ask for the flu shot while I am there. If everything goes well on the 30th, I am telling the staff at work. I had to tell in stages, because well, yes I am still paranoid, but also because I work with 20 women and 3 men. So basically I did not want to drown in estrogen.

I am going to eat a huge breakfast and get my day started.

Trying out a snoogle tonight.

I'll report back tomorrow. While I haven't slept on it yet, I did try it out and almost cried from the relief. Yay back support! Yay my hips don't hurt! I am so freakin excited to climb in bed.

We also got some fall decorations, some flowers and pumpkins for our stoop. Tomorrow Mister is putting in some edging and planting iris bulbs for spring along our walkway. We have curvy brick paver things and inside that we are planting the iris, and between the iris and the actual walkway we are putting some kind of low growing white flower. Don't know what kind yet. I think I saw some mini white daffodils. Well, we don't have to decide till spring.

We went out for Indian food today. I am not a fan of curry in general, but it was good. It was nice to go somewhere different.

Off to dreamland.

My continuing boycott of The Eagles

I just got off the phone with Tastykake. I told them I would no longer be purchasing any of their products for my family. They have product out now with The Eagles on it. Ironically on their website they also have a dog lovers package. Part of being a good person is using your money responsibly. So I suppose it is no snackcakes at all now. I only bought Tastykakes, because they were local, and very fresh. I cannot even tell you how sad I am to give up my pies. But, I would rather have no pie ever than support a company that works with The Eagles.

I am still so disgusted that The Eagles took that shitheel in. Mister and I had some words about it, because he is still watching them. He actually considered buying a teeny little Eagles jersey. I think not bucko. I told him that if he spent one penny of our money on them I was going to outfit the baby in Dallas clothes. Oh yes I will.

I am a big believer in putting your money where your mouth is. That is part of why I buy organic . Even if it was not the healthier choice, I would still feel that it was the environmentally responsible choice. I will be very excited next year to really cut our footprint down and grow our own vegetables.

Anyway I am sad- because I love Tastykakes. But I will be damned if I buy another.

15 weeks

15 weeks! We can hardly believe it. And we have not seen Sea Monkey since Week 12. Which is making us crazy. I am really looking forward to the next few weeks. Only four weeks to go til the gender scan. And I have an appointment with the ob on the 30th. So maybe I will get a look at Sea Monkey then. I hope.

My ankles were really swollen the other day. Which I hope is normal at this stage and not a sign of Badness To Come. My boobs have grown. No GROWN. I could call my self Chesty McBooby. We can feel the bulge of my uterus, which makes us both happy, since with no ultrasounds that is the only indication we have that everything is ok in there.

The farther I get into pregnancy the more I look inward. Usually I don't have much to say because I am so focused on what is happening inside. That has been a large change for me, to become so quiet. I am not normally like that. But now I feel quiet, and I want to do quiet things.

I have started reading to Sea Monkey. Peter Rabbit and Benjamin Bunny. Today is Jemima Puddleduck. Which is a weird story for an infertile to read, but there you go.

My sister wants us to go on a last Goonie Adventure. So she is planning some kind of expedition in the next month or two. It will have to be before Thanksgiving because that is when they black out vacation at work. Ahhhh retail. Speaking of work, which I usually try not to= a few things.

Mel is coming to do a booksigning at my store. I will do a big post when it gets closer. My store is in New Jersey, if anyone is near enough to drive. I am pretty excited about that.

Work is making me crazy. Crazy enough to have to repeat and repeat to myself that no one hires pregnant women and I want my damn maternity leave. It is awful. No really. Atrocious. My company has made so many poor decisions, and the people who work in the stores have to live with corporate incompetence. I would not be surprised if we closed. In fact part of me would be relieved. About two years ago, Mister and I discussed the pros and cons of leaving. We decided to stick it out. But it has not been an easy decision to live with. The parts of my job that I love, helping people find good books and training new hires is about 5% of my job. 95% of my job is dealing with all the CYA emails those ass clowns send down with mandate after mandate. They won't let us do our jobs and I feel like I have no professional integrity anymore.

It would be funny if it weren't so sad. On the positive side, we have paid off a ton of debt, and our next to last credit card will be paid off either this month or next. And the last one will be paid off before March. Mister will be getting a raise right on time for Sea Monkey's debut. Plus, he will get more take home because he will have a dependent. I feel that we have reached our financial goal- we successfully carved out 1800 dollars a month from our budget allowing me to stay home without a change in our lifestyle. It is a little scary, and I am glad my job is protected in case we have made some glaring budget error. But it is also exciting to see something we have worked at for years come to pass. 1800 dollars is a lot of money to cut out of your monthly spending.

I also have a second job waiting if I decide I can't stand it anymore. I would hate to leave my vacation and personal time and FMLA eligibility but if work gets too bad I will. I just have to make it til the first week of March. If I can make it till the end of October, time will fly because of Christmas and I won't have time to hate work(I hope) until mid January. At which point I will be so close maybe I can muscle through it. And anything could happen. Work could close. Work could improve( lol),my district manager could get fired( please?),I could go on disability.

I am trying really hard not to hope for disability, because while it would be a get out of work free card, it would mean something was wrong. I see the nutritionist tomorrow. Yow. The big weight in.

round ligament pain

hurts. We both freaked out last night. I have had some before but not like yesterday. Ow. It's all on the left. Ow.

Was that not the whiniest post ever?

Eww.

Anyhow, tomorrow should be fun, because we are going to Hammonton, NJ ( THE BLUEBERRY CAPITOL OF THE WORLD as the sign proclaims) for a town wide yard sale. And I am stoked. I hope we find some good stuff. I am looking for a coffee table, and a small bookshelf. And whatever else strikes my fancy. I looooooooove yard sales. And we will be getting up at the crack ass of dawn. Which is less appealing, but whatever. I have my water and my handiwipes all set to go.

So tired

Yesterday I hid in my office because standing up and doing something seemed impossible. Isn't exhaustion supposed to go away by the second trimester? Cause there is "Oh I am tired." and then there is " Oh I can't focus, and get any work done, and my boss is gonna be pissed." I literally got one thing done yesterday.

And I feel similar today. And I know Forbidden Coffee would fix me right up. Sluggish I am . Last week I felt fantastic but yesterday and today I feel so very exhausted. And my nose is runny and stuffy. But I don't have a fever. I think I read a stuffy nose can happen during pregnancy. I think it would help if Mr. Naughtypants would stop waking me up at 7 am. He is a persistent little bugger. And then after waking me he considers his job done and sleeps half the day curled up on the sofa.

Anyhow I am feeling blah and whiny. Maybe it's the gloomy weather outside. I was thinking a pregnancy pillow might help me sleep more. Has anyone tried one they like? I really like to sleep on my stomach and I can't do that anymore, and I feel uncomfortable sleeping on my side. And I know I am not supposed to sleep on my back. Grr.

The telling

Well, we could not quite figure how, so we brought the most current ultrasound picture. I was panicking the whole drive down. A peek inside my head- " What if the baby just died and we are telling people today? Then I'll go crazy. What if the baby died last week? What if the baby dies next week? Why can't I have ultrasounds on demand? I CAN'T TELL! IT'S BAD LUCK AND FATE WILL SMITE US" etc for the hour drive. Rational, I am not.

So Mister told everyone, because I could not make myself say the words. Everyone is thrilled. My Mother in Law cried. My sister cried. I refuse to admit to crying. It was a looooong day. We visited Mister's best friends house, my in laws house, and my sister in laws house on Saturday. My sister came to dinner yesterday and we told her during one of Mom's many many many cigarette breaks.

Mom is still in the dark where she will remain till the last possible second, for my own peace of mind. Everyone has been sworn to Facebook secrecy, and threatened with an angry pregnant woman if by chance Daddy finds out secondhand. Three of my brothers in law had to find out by phone, one is in Iowa, and two are in Maryland. Or at least one is in Maryland, the other is in the Coast Guard and moves around so much that I tend to forget where he is.

My Mother in law was chock full of terrible name suggestions. Everyone suggests a French name because Misters last name is French Canadian. Well, I am here to say hell to the no. That was one of the reasons I would not take my husbands name, my name is French, and I felt like I would lose my whole ethnic identity.

I made fabulous chicken pot pie and green beans last night. Then we had strawberry shortcake for dessert.

My sex drive is back. I am dreaming about sex. Which is something I have never done. It's really weird. We are cautiously trying to get back to The Sex. But we can't stop ourselves from checking for blood each time. The ob said sex is fine as long as there is no bleeding, but if I start to bleed I have to go right in. Good times. But I figure we should at least try, from what I read if the placenta previa does not go away, this is a safe time. I read that the first and last trimesters are more risky for bleeding. So I am willing to try, since otherwise poor Mister will not get any at all till maybe June.

Mister told me I have to tell work this week. My sister said last night that she was wondering if we were pregnant, since I looked noticeably bigger than when she saw me two weeks ago. She said she normally wouldn't notice but that I looked so much thinner last time.

I think I have gained two pounds. So I have thirteen left. Two pounds in one trimester is good, right? I don't know.

Anyone who would like to offer a suggestion for a one syllable girls name is welcome to. I like Paige, Mister does not. He likes Claire and I don't. We are toying with Jane- which I like more than he does. We are both somewhat a fan of Kate. So those are the front runners. I am not a fan of nontraditional names with creative spelling.

Mom went back to my sisters house last night. It was so wonderful to have our home to ourselves. No one nagging or talkingandtalkingandtalking. And talking. About nothing. Five weeks of waiting till we know the gender.

NT Results

Are great!!! The baby has only a 1 in 2000 chance for Down Syndrome and 1 in 10000 for Trisomy. And I am so very relieved. Now, if only I felt pregnant. Seriously. I feel fine. No symptoms. Just normal. My tiredness is gone, my boobs feel fine( almost all the time), no morning sickness, no constipation, no cravings any stranger than I already had. It freaks me out a little actually.

At least I am only getting up once a night to pee. Four times a night sucked.

So I think we are telling his parents and brothers this Saturday. Not MINE, not yet. But he wants to. And I can't hide forever, much as I would like to.

Today is 13 weeks. Holy Bananas. Six weeks till the gender scan.

Waiting for the NT results is KILLING us.

We did not have them for Saturday's big family barbecue. Mister kept peeking at me and laughing because I am so puffy now. But no one asked so, as far as I am concerned no one guessed. Well maybe one our friends Mom is a retired nurse.

Then, they are closed today for Labor Day. Understandable. Fine. Good. COME ON. You KNOW the results are sitting in their fax machine. Sheesh.

So tentatively we may find out tomorrow. We BETTER find out tomorrow. Mister cannot take it anymore and wants to tell his family. We are having company over today and also got invited to our neighbors house. Where there will be likker. So there will also be lying.

What will today bring?

My biggest problem when I woke up was that I forgot to buy bacon for breakfast. I realize now that was a GREAT problem. Mister rolled over as I was contemplating eating myself into a pancake coma and said" I think your Mom broke her toe yesterday."

To which I replied"fuck". Because nothing that goes wrong with Mom is ever simple. She has too much other stuff wrong with her. Apparently I called home at seven, Mom raced for the phone, whacked her toe and said....nothing. Then at MIDNIGHT when Mister had been home for hours and was headed up to bed she called him over. " I think I hurt my toe." And she shows him her very black and blue toe. Now, you may wonder why she did not mention this at say seven or eight or hell, nine. But then this is Mom.

So Mister taped her toe and iced it. I am taking a moment to think about my day which WAS going to involve a pancake coma and laundry and a barbecue but is NOW going to likely involve multiple phone calls and please Jesus no Labor Day trip to the ER.

But it's just her toe. Oh no Little Grasshoppers. Just a scrape can turn into a major event for Mom because of her clotting problems. Now she is clearly not dead since I hear her walking around but I am super pissed that she did not tell us earlier and then Mister did not call me. Because she could have had a ton of bleeding and died. She knows that just a fall could kill her.

Dear Jesus,

Come on now.

love,

Celia

So I am breathing a little till I can go downstairs without shouting WHY THE CRAP DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING RIGHT AWAY???!!!. Because that is pointless now. Mom is notorious for ignoring stuff that is important. For a while I made every single medical person she came into contact with re-explain that walking without her cane was A BAD IDEA. But she does it anyway and short of taping it to her hand I can't stop her. I suppose I should count my blessings that it was her toe and not her hip.

Dear Jesus,

Really? Could you have some kind of chat with Mom so she does not pull this crap anymore? Failing that could you send me a never ending supply of Lays chips and ranch dip?

Celia

After dealing with Mom for years I am pretty used to it. I can't force her to be careful, prudent, or proactive. All I can do is help her have the best life she can. The big jerk. And she is set in her ways. SET. sigh. But that doesn't mean I don't get mad.

First ob appointment

Wow. Yesterday was jam packed. I was out the door by 9 and at the RE's till 11 ish. They did my last ultrasound and drew blood for the NT scan. And gave me the best picture ever of Sea Monkey! Seriously, how cute is that picture!? I was really disappointed to find out we won't have the results by Saturday. Maybe Monday. I know Mister was really hoping to tell his parents and friends this weekend at the barbecue we are going to. The ultrasound tech said she would not worry if she were me. Then I headed over to the ob, which was really close. But I got lost in the parking lot if you can believe it. It was in a giant medical complex so good thing I was early.

The waiting room was sooo different from the super fancy RE's room. No marble floors or plush couches and fancy design magazines. There was a big toy chest in the center of the floor and toys scattered around. I had to fill out all my paperwork again. Then I got weighed and I have lost two pounds- I know it because they weighed me at the RE's too. I am glad to know that I must be eating properly. Sometimes I am SO HUNGRY and I have to eat. Have to. Then I worry I am eating too much.

I got a pap smear and a breast exam, we talked about how I want a drug free birth. I also told the doctor I was not going to make any birth plans till I knew what my placenta was going to do. She said that was fine. The great thing is that there are only two doctors in the practice so I that feels nice. My old ob was a top doc and their waiting room always felt like a cattle run.

Everyone was very nice and I found out we pay at the end. They said our portion for them would be around 350 and with Cigna we pay the hospital 10% of our bill. So there is no way to know I guess, since we don't know what will happen. But we are going to put aside 150 a month and that will at least make a dent in whatever our bill is. I will see them every four weeks till it gets closer to the end. They are going to monitor my thyroid every six weeks. In seven weeks we get the gender scan. I get some other test before that. For spina bifida. But the tech at my RE said that Sea Monkey's spine looks good so I am not worried about that one. Closer to the end I will see them every week.

She also told me that while I would never find a study on it she was hearing a lot of anecdotal evidence from pediatricians that nut consumption during pregnancy leads to peanut allergies. I have been eating nuts almost daily, and she told me to cut it to once a month. So I am, because me and Mister already have plenty of food allergies and I would love to spare the baby that.

Then I went to Target to get some stuff for Mom. And then the grocery store. And then Walgreens. And THEN I went a worked till 11. And then I came home and collapsed.

Mom is still here and still ahem... herself. But no suspicious questions. Thank God for large mercies.

New picture of Sea Monkey.

Mister scanned it in for me. I have my first ob appointment tomorrow. Today I made meatloaf and mashed potatoes. And pot roast. The roast is cooking away for dinner tomorrow. The dishes are washed and everything. And I am freakin beat. And Mr. Naughtypants just heaved his beets on the carpet. Sigh. I hope I made enough damn roast for two nights. Last time I did all that work and there were no leftovers. Screw that. I bought the biggest piece of meat I could find. And now I am cooking it til it falls apart.

Mom still has no clue, thank God. Only a majillion more days of her nagging to go.