Happy Seven Month Anniversary

I'm not who you want,
Of that I'm aware.
The fact that you hate me now,
Is almost too much to bare.

I made a mistake,
In giving you my heart.
And now I'm in pain,
Losing myself part by part.

Memories eating at me.
Of promises you made.
Then betrayal at the highest degree.
Believing now that it was all fake.

You call me demonic, making me take the blame.
Now saying I forced you to do this.
But when you had me up against the wall
Stripping me so there was nothing between us but skin, it seemed like it was me you wanted.

Going to far for the first time,
Chemically intertwined.
Not knowing how to move on.
When you proposed to me and made me promise id always call you mine.

Previously breaking it off once in November,
I was happy just being friends.
But then you threatened suicide.
And you begged me to be ur girlfriend again.

So I became whoever you wanted,
Me to be.
But by doing that,
I have now lost all of me.

Isolating me from,
Everyone I once held close.
Because you made me promise,
That noone could ever know.

Manipulated, and fucked over.
At the highest degree.
I just wish that since you're gone now that those I love,
Wouldnt be dissapointed by me jst being me.

Happy Seven Month Aniversary

I'm not who you want,
Of that I'm aware.
The fact that you hate me now,
Is almost too much to bare.

I made a mistake,
In giving you my heart.
And now I'm in pain,
Losing myself part by part.

Memories eating at me.
Of promises you made.
Then betrayal at the highest degree.
Believing now that it was all fake.

You call me demonic, making me take the blame.
Now saying I forced you to do this.
But when you had me up against the wall
Stripping me so there was nothing between us but skin, it seemed like it was me you wanted.

Going to far for the first time,
Chemically intertwined.
Not knowing how to move on.
When you proposed to me and made me promise id always call you mine.

Previously breaking it off once in November,
I was happy just being friends.
But then you threatened suicide.
And you begged me to be ur girlfriend again.

So I became whoever you wanted,
Me to be.
But by doing that,
I have now lost all of me.

Isolating me from,
Everyone I once held close.
Because you made me promise,
That noone could ever know.

Manipulated, and fucked over.
At the highest degree.
I just wish that since you're gone now that those I love,
Wouldnt be dissapointed by me jst being me.

Chelsey

How I feel right now...

'A flame sparked in my heart while looking into your eyes. . .
Catching fire on my lustful flesh
Fire eating my skin
Crawling across it leaving burns forever more,

A beautiful fantasy, woven together by lies
Holding you tight, remembering on my neck your breath
I’m lost not knowing where I end and you begin
My heart in your hand, a hole gaping in my chest where you from it tore

You walk away like you were never here
A smirk on your face, that I wish I could wipe away
It kills me, everyday knowing it was I who let you in
But decisions were made, and I know now you aren’t who you said

In my heart your distant, but in my mind your still near
Flashes of memories when I saw you today
I don’t want to remember where I’ve been
Honestly I wouldn’t care if you were dead

You’re the worst ive met, and the last ill believe
You’re the poison in my veins and the sin in my being
You’re the knife to the scar and the bottle of the pills
You’re the marker of the grave, and the natural born liar

I try now with all my might everyday without you just to breathe
But its hard when in your eyes everyday im seeing
Only another wasted year until
The water quenches this lust filled fire.'

Happy New Year....or not

I just got a text from a new friend of mine telling me that a friend of her’s just committed suicide. I’m still getting to know her, and I in no way know the friend. But still for some reason, the news hit me rather hard. The best way to describe it would be to imagine one’s self to be walking on a side walk, and then suddenly for the side walk to end…but you unaware keep walking and fall into the unknown. I’m lost right now, and I don’t know what to do, or what to think. I feel helpless. This New Year is supposed to be a reason to celebrate, yet this family isn’t. Which brings me to the question. What’s the point of life, if one can end it in an instant like that. Really, what’s the fucking point.

Shhhhh....

If your reading this, then props to you, not because of my level of writing is less than stellar, or because of your lack of interest, but rather because this blog is.... a secret. In fact, this is probably the only place that I'll ever be able to get my thoughts out in public, where my parents can't control what I say or how I say it. Here, I'll be sharing mostly about my personal life, including the occasional random post. Feel free to comment and share your thoughts.