365 days later...

Whoa, major blog neglect. Oops :)

Welp, we find ourselves 365 days later since 6.14.14 and the product is this:

What the crap, I don't even know who that baby is.

Jace is the big O-N-E and on 6.14.15 we did a woodland themed birthday. Man, I slaved but this day only happens once:

Um, ya who can make a cake that doesn't crumble to death? NOT ME!

He really was the cutest birthday boy, and had zero interest in [eating] his birthday cake (as expected):

He was just so cute opening his presents, interested in every little detail:

 As we planned for the party I kept thinking (in the kindest, non-selfish way of course)...who throws a party for the mom after one year? I mean HOLY CRAP, we deserve a party. Why isn't THAT a tradition and rite of passage?

This last year has been, let's say, brutal. In all honesty it has been and people might gasp or wonder why because it doesn't appear to be. Not even my own husband can fully understand the extent to what Jace and I have had to work on and endure with a combination of feeding and gross motor issues.

I knew motherhood would be hard, I mean DUH. I nannied 3 different kids, saw my own nieces/nephews with their own struggles. So I had an idea. But the universe has a sense of humor and decides to throw you trials that you hadn't even thought or heard of.

Every mother goes through this. No one is spared...it's always hard or impossible in one way or another. Even though us mom's are in this together and can support each other, nobody's experience is quite the same. In one way or another it's different, and thus we are totally alone in our experience....

WHAT?!

There is no way to survive it without a source of strength (for me, personally, it's Him).

All things side, Jace is incredibly sweet and sensitive handing out hugs and blowing kisses while snugging anything that is softer than a rock. He is growing stronger each day and so am I!

The Great Feeding Fiasco

The 6 months that have gone by with Jace have been sooooo special and fun. He is so smiley and already has a sense of humor. Beneath all of that has been a really difficult struggle for me, and it is what I call:

THE GREAT FEEDING FIASCO

Feeding my baby (or trying to) has been a difficult thing, something that I did not expect. Babies eat, right? That's their job. 

When you arrive at the hospital and the blonde nurse is setting everything up, she asks you "Now are you going to bottle feed or breast feed?" You say "breast feed" and she writes that up on the white board with your room/nurse information and your heart flutters.

I knew breast feeding was hard: I read about it, heard about it, and even saw for my own eyes with my sister's experience. But nobody really tells you that there is this secret group of babies that like, can never do it. NEVER. This secret group of babies whose oral motor function is, put in the kindest way possible to my sweet baby: messed up.

It's impossible to try and regurgitate all that has happened as a lot of it I've logged back in the "too traumatic to want to remember" part of my brain, but here is my best to put it as simply as possible.

• All attempts to nurse from day one = baby screaming, turning away, instantly falling asleep/playing dead, total aversion to chest area
• Using nipple shield but getting nothing/milk leaking everywhere
• Using SNS with supplement, going to two lactation consultants.
• Lactation consultant said I have "fluffy boobs" to keep trying, go to Le Leche League meetings/mentoring from them
• Pumping every 3 hours so baby can get milk
• 6 weeks of trying to breast feed, each attempt damaging to my spirit and traumatizing to baby and unsuccessful.
• With a bottle, baby still dribbled and choked
• Enter reflux
• He of course, never could latch

I thought it was me: not enough skin to skin, introduced binky/bottle too early, tried too much, didn't try enough, etc. etc. etc....

ENTER JULIE, INTERNATIONAL BOARD CERTIFIED LACTATION CONSULTANT

• 4 consultations with her, she is amazing
• Baby has tongue tie and upper lip tie, needs upper lip frenectomy by renowned dentist in Lehi that has a non-invasive laser (no recovery required). We hesitate, but no wonder he couldn't get a good seal on me or a bottle.
• By this time my nipples are a cross between the moon and a raspberry...I have forgotten what healthy nipples look like...I am tempted to google "healthy nipples".
• Using creams, oils, herbs to help my damaged moon/raspberry nipples

AFTER 12 WEEKS, I DECIDE TO STOP ATTEMPTING TO BREAST FEED AND EXCLUSIVELY PUMP

WE GET TONGUE AND LIP TIE REVISED

As baby still has trouble even drinking from a bottle

• Dentist says there is something wrong with baby's tongue, but he doesn't know what it is. It doesn't respond properly to stimuli and he doesn't suck normally 
• Procedure improves baby's seal over bottle much better, but doesn't solve everything
• He (and Julie) suggest therapy with Dr. Kristina to help with tongue function

ENTER IN DR KRISTINA IN MURRAY

• 10+ sessions with her, discovers his gag reflex is out of this world.
• He slightly improves
• Baby is going down the scale on weight percentile

BACK TO NOW:

I am still exclusively pumping, and I feel so blessed to be able to pump enough for Jace's needs, and luckily I no longer have to do it every 3 hours. 6 months of exclusive pumping is sometimes the absolute worst. My nipples are still pretty not normal looking.

Not being able to breast feed hurts. Really bad. This whole process has been incredibly traumatizing. It would make life SO much easier, I wouldn't have to get up in the middle of the night and go warm up a bottle, etc. I wouldn't have to spend hours in my day sitting and pumping. I wouldn't have to stay up late so pumping wasn't the last thing I do right before bed. I could do whatever I wanted in the morning instead of going straight to the pump. I try and not think about it, but when I see selfies of people breast feeding or saying "boo ya baby drained me in under 10 minutes" I'm not going to lie, it secretly stings. Owie. I'm really jealous of you. 

Jace does better on a bottle, can still be a little finicky, but it's better! And the best part of all, to my pleasant surprise (after his pediatrician saying he was doubtful this would work well): 

We gave him solids, and so far so good! I am thrilled that finally something related to feeding him is looking bright! We love him so so much!

The Story of Jace!

Hear ye, hear ye! My baby made it here safe and sound :)  I've read so many other birth stories that are pages long that keep you on the edge of your seat with bated breath that are so intense and script-worthy! Not us: Jace's arrival was simple and quiet. Just the way we like it :)

This last pregnant photo I took of myself 29 weeks 3 days along, not knowing that later that night my water would break!

The morning of June 13 I had my weekly appointment. I was only dilated to 1.5cm so we all thought most likely would make it to my due date. That day we ate at Tucanos...what a perfect last supper haha!

That night we were watching The Tonight Show and chillaxing in bed. If you recall it was a full moon that night and I got up and looked out the window and was like "oh full moon! oogly boogly I wonder if it will put me into labor!" Five minutes after getting into bed, boom my water broke.

What's funny is I was always joking the full moon would put me into labor because the Greek god Diana is the goddess of the moon and child birth...so ironic that it actually panned out that way.

We got the rest of our stuff together and arrived at Intermountain Medical Center around midnight on June 14th. We checked in, confirmed my water did break and started the waiting game. By then my contractions weren't too bad, but uncomfortable enough that I could NOT sleep. It felt better to just stay up and do things on my phone. Here was my view of Brandon who slept a good amount-ish:

I got an epidural around 6 am, and then happened one of the funniest things of my life. Brandon fainted.

Yes, and the best part is he wasn't even watching me getting the epidural, didn't see any needle - nothing. He was kneeling down by the bed holding my hand with his head down. I jumped at the needle and then I slowly felt him fall away onto the ground. LOL! It gave me a good laugh for the rest of the day that's for sure. **Note he wasn't hurt minus a sore shoulder and small scratch on his nose**

 Boy did the anesthesiologist do a good job! I could still move my legs, everything was just heavy and tingly but I had a lot of control. I was at a 5 cm by noon time, so my nurse said it will probably be 3-5 more hours. One hour later BAM I was suddenly at a 10!

My doctor (who is uh-mazing) came in to deliver Jace. After 21 minutes of pushing (and they said I was a star pusher, boo ya) Jace entered the world at 8 lbs 4 oz. The first thing the doctor noticed was lots of blonde hair which you will see below!

I was in this photo with my  nurse and doctor but cropped myself out, because unlike all you who look like spring flowers minutes after delivery, I was kinda the opposite :P

I'm so grateful that my labor and delivery were such a good experience and that my baby made it here safely and is healthy!

We had lots of visitors and loved getting to know our baby.  (Sorry I didn't get pics of everyone who came on my phone)

Jace being held by cousin Kate and Aunt Nicole

Jace with Grandma Whitaker 

Jace with Auntie Jayne!

 Here's what I'm talking about with the thick blonde hair, and he still has it! 

We were able to go home on Monday June 16th

There have been plenty of struggles and successes, but this kid is the best.  I have a million photos of him since we've been home but here is a current fave:

Here are just a few snapshots of his nursery

So far being a mom has definitely been the hardest thing ever. I've never prayed so earnestly so much in my entire life! But now that he is smiling every time he sees you it just makes all the frustrating aspects bearable. He is an amazing baby we can't imagine life without him!

Moving, a house, and a BABY :)

Oops, waaaaaay behind on blogging. BUT I have very good excuses for my absence.

We moved from our beloved home in Walnut Creek, CA at the end of September!  It was SO sad to leave the best friends we made there, amazing San Francisco and beautiful weather. But with Brandon never being home with traveling for work (so our $2,150/month rent going to waste where we could buy elsewhere) and the flexibility of him being able to move and just live by an airport for work travel, we decided to move back to Utah.

We built a town home in Lehi (just North of Thanksgiving Point) and are loving it! The size of the house is perfect for the two of us...SOON TO BE THE 3 of us!!!  I am due on June 18th with a baby BOY and we are sooooo excited.

Right after we moved I went to Seattle with Brandon for 3 weeks and worked from the hotel (I have work from home job) while he worked at the client site. While we were there I had signs of pregnancy but I wasn't quite sure. Sure enough before we met for dinner downtown I bought a pregnancy test at Walgreens and it was positive! Here's my pee stick since you REALLY care to see it:

 

In Seattle I was about 4 weeks along, so back in Utah I was 7 weeks along and happily keeping the secret. We spent Halloween with my brother and his kids. These are our easy Batman and Robin costumes.

We decided to go to Intermountain Medical Center in Murray for prenatal care, and our doctor at Cottonwood OGBYN is AMAZING! We got to see our little one at my first appointment (10 weeks). This photo is so cute! I swore I would never post a photo of my uterus in public, but the baby is just too cute. Plus, I am not forcing you to see my uterus, you clicked on my blog link to come here so HA!

The same goes for belly pictures, but you remember you clicked to be here! I believe this first belly picture is around 10-12 weeks-ish....

 

At my 18 week appointment we got to find out the gender. EVERYONE and their dog thought our first baby would be a girl (including us). Lo and behold, it's a BOY! We are thrilled!

Latest belly photo which was taken around 22 weeks-ish.

 

Our 20 week anatomy scan was SO much fun (I was 22 weeks at the time it was done). We got a DVD of video footage of him, and he was doing all kinds of tricks. Our favorite photo is this one below, he was always putting his feet over his head. He made us laugh a lot in the ultra sound room.

 

 

I have been very blessed with this pregnancy! I got no morning sickness which was a HUGE blessing. I have a major fear of vomiting, so I prayed my heart out that I wouldn't get morning sickness. The stand out symptoms during the first trimester were: major hunger attacks, really sore coconuts (if you know what I mean), fatigue. I've been feeling great and everything is so far so good.

 

It's amazing how this child has already brought me to my knees countless times relying on the Lord. I worry about him a lot, but I don't think I'll every stop worrying about him for the rest of his life! He'll be here in June before we know it!