Good thoughts in the middle of the night

I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed over the last week.  I think I have possibly piled a few too many things on my plate or something.  Then I got sick on Thursday... like... had to call my husband and have him come home from work and I laid in bed all afternoon kind of sick.  Thankfully he was able to come home and I was able to get some rest... and thankfully that doesn't happen very often.  But somehow it kind of put me over the edge... or maybe I had pushed past my limit and that's why I got sick.  But anyway... I've really struggled to get up and do the things that I need to do lately and just had a rough couple days.

And then Chase woke up in the middle of the night tonight (I love his middle of the night hugs... it melts my heart) and after I helped him get back in bed I couldn't fall back to sleep and my mind kept running over and over all the junk filling my life right now.  So I ended up getting up and saying a prayer and went out into the living room and turned on the computer.  I went to the church website hoping for an uplifting message that would possibly make me feel a little better.  And I just feel so overwhelmed because the first couple things I read and watched were the exact things that I needed to hear in this moment.

The first thing I watched was the tribute to Sister Monson (She is the wife of the president of the LDS church and she recently passed away).  What a wonderful woman and a huge example.  But it just meant so much to me to hear about her life and about what a strong mother and wife she was.  And how she supported her husband in everything he was doing and never complained that he was away so much... which totally applies to my life right now.

And then I clicked on another link and it took me to a couple quotes that just made me cry because it was exactly what I needed to hear.  It was just one of those times when I knew I was being watched and cared for... and I'm not quite sure sometimes how that works.  I mean... how can our Heavenly Father know what is going on in our small individual lives... and how is it that he can care for me and know exactly what I need to hear and have it show up on my computer screen in a low moment after saying a weak (but sincere) prayer?  I don't know... but I know that wasn't just a coincidence.

Life is good and I know the things that bring me the most happiness are my family and my friends.  And the thing that helps me keep that all in perspective is the Gospel.

Anyways... here are the quotes that meant so much to me tonight:

“In whatever life circumstance you find yourself—as a wife, as a mother, as a single mother, as a divorced woman, as a widowed or a single woman—the Lord our God will open up responsibilities and blessings far beyond your ability to imagine.

“May I invite you to rise to the great potential within you. But don’t reach beyond your capacity. Don’t set goals beyond your capacity to achieve. Don’t feel guilty or dwell on thoughts of failure. Don’t compare yourself with others. Do the best you can, and the Lord will provide the rest. Have faith and confidence in Him, and you will see miracles happen in your life and the lives of your loved ones. The virtue of your own life will be a light to those who sit in darkness, because you are a living witness of the fulness of the gospel (see D&C 45:28). Wherever you have been planted on this beautiful but often troubled earth of ours, you can be the one to ‘succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees’ (D&C 81:5).” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Influence of Righteous Women,” Ensign or Liahona, Sept. 2009).

"Your Father in Heaven knows your name and knows your circumstance. He hears your prayers. He knows your hopes and dreams, including your fears and frustrations. And He knows what you can become through faith in Him... “Be a woman of Christ. Cherish your esteemed place in the sight of God. He needs you. This Church needs you. The world needs you. A woman’s abiding trust in God and unfailing devotion to things of the Spirit have always been an anchor when the wind and the waves of life were fiercest”(Jeffrey R. Holland, “To the Young Women,” general conference, October 2005).

Pictures and such

So I know that no one thinks your kids are as cute as you think they are, but Man my kids are so dang cute!  I mean look at these pictures!!  I love them!  

Honestly... there's not a ton going on with us.  It's mainly a lot of busy hours taking care of three boys and attempting to keep the house clean and the laundry done... which lately seems to be failing.  Some days are a ton of fun, while other days are filled with way too much whining... which drives me CRAZY... "No you can't have another super hero popsicle... I know you're just playing, but if you keep hitting each other, someone is going to end up crying... no, we aren't going to Monkey Joes today... Please get dressed.  I'm not even making you wear button pants or shirt today.  Just get dressed... Ahh!!  Don't lick your hands after playing with the turtles... I'm sorry you can't wear your Transformer jammies.  They're dirty... Don't talk with a baby voice... Stop saying poopi... Stop Whining!"  

I hope I'm not coming off as negative... I think it's hilarious.  And of course there are all the good times too.  A couple of my favorite things lately is jumping on the trampoline, reading books, and baking cookies.  And the only reason why the book reading is happening is because I've been hiding the remote controls to the TV.  It's amazing!  Here's a little update on everyone...

Ben seems to be getting so old to me.  Right now he loves Swimming and anything that has to do with playing in the hose.  And he LOVES Miles and always wants to hold him

Chase is Chase... what can I say.  Last week he drew an "eye patch" on his face with red sharpie.  It took a few days to come off.  He is so fun and crazy and he's best friends with Ben.  He tends to get a little board while Ben is at school.

Miles is the happiest most easy going baby.  I am so in love with him.  I'm not sure if he's so good because I've got the whole "taking care of baby" thing figured out now... or if it's just him.  Either way... I'm grateful.  He loves rollin around on the floor and hanging out in his jumper seat.  He's pretty much happy as long as he's not left alone in the room.  He loves being in the middle of the action... and there is plenty of it at our house.

 Chase with his Thomas shirt and the Tents

 Ben holding Miles.  He's been closing his eyes when he says cheese... kind of cute :)

 Cute Chase :)

 I went to The Family Circle cup and Saw Venus Williams play!

 Ben with his puppies.  There isn't a night he sleeps without them!

 Happy Chase (picture taken by Ben)

 Ben and Miles

 My perfect Baby!!  I love his rolls... he loves to eat :)

 Ben and Chase playing in the hose... Ben insisted on putting on his life jacket and Mask :)

 Daddy and Chase (with his airplane blanky)

Happy Miles!

 Easter Morning

 Happy Miles!!

 Me and Miles

We made Strawberry Jam!!!  Ben displaying it.  

Anyways... life is good!  Even though my days are crazy and exhausting... I wouldn't have it any other ways.  We are super blessed.  I love my Boys... that's including my Man :)

My Three Boys (four when you count Boyd)

I wish I could box up every great moment and go back and relive it whenever I want. I just love those "Mom Moments" you have when your kids say the sweetest things or your baby is cooing and smiling as much as they possibly can with their chubby cheeks and you just don't want to let it go. I wish you could push the pause button on life and just soak in it for a while. Funny how life keeps moving no matter what you do or what you want.

Lately I've been looking at Ben, Chase, and Miles and I want them to stop growing. Ben is getting so tall! I noticed tonight that his favorite jammies (transformer jammies :) are getting too small. I remember we got those jammies from a friend who had a son that was a few years older than Ben and I thought Ben would never be able to fit in them because they were so big. How did this happen?

And then... the other day Chase fell asleep in the car and I went to carry him inside and I couldn't believe how big he was! I savored the moment of carrying his limp body... oh how I love him.

And this morning I was dressing Miles and realized that the Newborn size clothes were way too small and he was fitting into the 3-6 month clothes the best. I almost cried.

So I just wanted to take a moment and write as much as I can about each of them. Feel free to read or not. And just so you know... the bragging is starting right now :).

Ben!!

Ben just turned 5 about a month ago and he's in preschool right now and is loving it. He is one of the most social little guys I've ever seen. Everyone loves him (and why wouldn't they :)! He really is just nice and sweet and at times tender. Speaking of... he absolutely LOVES Miles. At times it is almost annoying because he is constantly wanting to hug and kiss him, but I'm trying to be careful not to squash the cuteness. Here's a short conversation we had just a few weeks ago:

Ben: "Miles smells funny!"

Me: "oh yeah... what does he smell like?"

Ben: "He smells like... um... Candy!"

And I'm not sure if it's school or what... but the "silliness factor" has skyrocketed. Sometimes it drives me crazy and other times I think it's hilarious. For example he says the word "cookie" all the time. It's like he finally figured out that he shouldn't say "butt, fart, or poopie" so he says "cookie" instead (I guess it kind of sounds like poopie). For example... "you're a cookie!" or "that's cookie" or if you ask him a question that he doesn't want to answer he just says "uh... cookie!" Funny.

He spends most of his Day playing with Chase. They play amazingly well together and they have a great time. Oh... and he recently discovered Power Rangers. His favorite things right now are transformers, bakugans, cars, micromachines (Boyd gave his old set to Ben and Chase for Christmas), imaginex toys, and all his little action hero guys (he's got a great imagination). Also he loves jumping on the trampoline, going to the park, and more than anything he loves playing with his friends. I love him so much... of course... but I really do :).

Chase!!

What do you say about Chase? He's a ball of fire and I love it. He has no trouble keeping up with Ben and his friends and he's just kind of crazy. He's so much fun, but he has a sweet side too. He loves to hug and kiss Miles like Ben, but he's a lot more cautious. Chase is constantly talking and he has no trouble letting you know what he wants... he's very specific. A request I hear multiple times a day is, "Mom... can I have some milk in my Toy Story 3 cup?" This child knows what he wants and he won't let you forget it.

He's already potty trained, which is AMAZING!!! This is one of my favorite stories. I tried to potty train him a few weeks before I had Miles and it wasn't going so well so I gave up. But then he would fight me every day about wearing a diaper. Then when my Mom was here and I was in the hospital, Chase woke up before my mom, took off his diaper, and then put on his "big boy Thomas pants." He went into the room where my mom was, stuck his little bum out, and shook it back and forth while saying, "I got on my big boy pants!" My mom told him that he could keep them on, but if he messed up once, then he would be back in diapers. Well... he knew what he wanted and he didn't mess up and he's been trained ever since. Back to that day though... when he came to see me in the hospital, he stood up on my bed right in front of me and pulled down his pants so I could see is underwear and he shook his bum back and forth. He was pretty proud about that. I love him! He cracks me up!

He loves playing with Ben so much, but he enjoys his one on one time while Ben is at school. He loves balls, all the same toys I listed with Ben, thomas trains, Lightning Mcqueen, Spiderman, Iron Man, and his airplane blankey.

Miles!!

My sweet Baby!!! Mmmm... I just want to soak him up! He is SO darn CUTE! I think God has blessed me with an easygoing child. He sleeps really well and he has that same "Wide eyed look" that Ben and Chase had as babies. He's super alert when he's awake and coos and smiles like crazy. I love his sweet baby smell and I love how he snuggles into me. I sometimes wish I had the time to sit there and hold him all day. Oh I love him.

Boyd!!

I love watching Boyd get down and wrestle with Ben and Chase and they absolutely love it. They also love when Boyd jumps on the trampoline with them. Their laughs are our of control. So fun. I didn't know he was going to be such a good Dad when I married him. I mean... I hoped for it, but I just love seeing how much he loves his kids. And... he has stepped up to the plate with helping me out through pregnancy, c-section, and figuring out how to juggle everything with three kids. Thank you, thank you, thank you Boyd. Oh how I love thee :). You're amazing! (fellow readers... please don't roll your eyes... ok you can... but I mean it)

If you actually read through this whole thing... I'm impressed! Thanks for reading. I'm hoping that writing down these few things will help me hold on to this time a little better. I feel so blessed and I'm so grateful for my boys. Although I'm not sure how grateful I will be for them in the morning after I've stayed up til 1:00 writing this :). I planned on posting pictures... but I might have to do that tomorrow... I need to go to bed :)

Renfroe Rage escapes

So... yesterday Miles woke up at about 4:00 and decided he wasn't going back to sleep. And Ben and Chase heard him and were up at 5:30. Needless to say... I was SUPER exhausted and tired and kind of stressed about other things going on that day. Then, I couldn't find Miles' shot records as I was trying to get out the door for his doctor appointment and Boyd called me. The first thing he asks is, "Are you okay?"... (me) "NO!! I'm not okay!! I'm freaking tired and I can't find these stupid Shot records!! and I'm late!! and I'm a LOSER and can't do anything right!!" And then I threw the phone down as hard as I could.

I obviously wasn't thinking clearly at the time. I mean hello... I'm anything but a loser... right?(there's only one right answer to that question). And... I didn't think about the fact that throwing down my nice touch screen cell phone would do some damage. I threw it down on the carpet. That won't hurt it... right? Wrong! It cracked the screen and now it has turned completely black. Not good. That's what I get for losing my temper. I feel sick to my stomach about it.

For those of you who know my Dad... you will get the Renfroe Rage title. That's a term Boyd came up with to describe the streak of fire that occasionally escapes from the us "Renfroes" (Renfroe is my maiden name).

Hello again

I figured I'd actually write something again. It's only been about a year since my last post and boy howdy has a lot happened since then. I'm actually sitting here listening to Miles cry hoping and praying that it will soon end and that he will fall asleep. After rocking and feeding him to sleep 3 times and having him wake up 10 minutes later each time... I think he has finally driven himself to this option. I hate the "cry yourself to sleep" method, but I don't know what else to do. You would think that by the third child I would have this figured out. And why in the world have none of my babies liked the pacifier. Honestly... 3 out of 3... they all have hated it. Am I doing something wrong? I have really pushed for it this time and no dice.

I need to count my blessings though. Miles is sleeping for 4-5 hour stretches at night and going back to sleep pretty easily... so I am feeling a little more sane now. I feel like if I can get three straight hours without being waken up, then that is pretty good. And he takes good naps. We are just struggling with getting to sleep for the night. It seems that he wants to be awake between the hours of 7:00-11:00 at night. That's the only personal time I have without Ben and Chase... so we have to put an end to this.

Miles is the cutest thing I've ever seen though. He is smiles and coos all the time and I absolutely love it. I've decided that I make clone babies. I truly can't decide if he looks more like Ben or Chase did as a baby. But I think I can't decide because Ben and Chase looked a lot alike in their baby pictures.

We just had about a minute of quiet and I thought he had finally made the trip into slumber... but he's back at it now. What to do?

I've been wanting to write out the story of when he was born and it hasn't happened yet... so I will do it now. He's not even two months old and it seems like SO much has happened since then. Oh my goodness... I think he is calming down... I spoke too soon. Should I go feed him to sleep again? I'm going crazy... no wonder I make air headed comments all the time lately (I know some of you are thinking "Lately?").

I just went in and fed him to sleep... burped him, and he woke up as I laid him back down. But he's not crying and hopefully he blissfully goes back to sleep now... but I wouldn't be surprised if I hear him crying within the next five minutes. Anyways... back to my stories of the last couple months.

Miles' Birthday!!

Miles was Born on November 18th at about 1:30 in the morning, but it all started in the afternoon on the 17th... which was Boyd's birthday and my actual due date (pretty cool huh?). My mom had already flown in town and I had my Dad and my sister coming for Thanksgiving the next week so I was so hoping and praying that I would go into labor. Ben and Chase came two days before my due date, so I was sure it was bound to happen soon. I even picked up some rasberry leaf tea which I had heard helped to start contractions. So... I drank that tea... and I think it really did help because within the next couple hours I was having contractions. WOO HOO!!! We celebrated Boyd's birthday with the cake and candles, took Ben to get some new crocs (his were so disgusting and it was time... he wears them everyday), took a walk on the Pit street Pier, and made it to Chick Fil A for dinner. All this time I was having contractions and by the time we got to Chic Fil A my contractions were getting stronger and they were almost 3 minutes apart... time to head to the hospital!!!! We rushed home and threw some stuff in a bag (we hadn't packed the hospital bag yet... oops) and rushed to the hospital.

When we got to the hospital they hooked me up to the monitors (which I hate) to read my contractions. They wanted to make sure I was really in labor before they called the doctor to come in. The monitors weren't picking up my contractions and I could tell the nurse didn't believe me. Hello!! I've had two kids already... I know what a contraction feels like. Anyways... they weren't showing up on the screen and I was really annoyed with the nurse... so I got dressed back in my clothes, took off the monitors and walked out of the room ready to go back home. The nurses kind of freaked out and said I couldn't go until the doctor checked me out of the hospital... something like that. So I said... that's fine... I'm going to walk around until you get the doctor here. After about 30 minutes of walking around the nurse told me I had to get back on the monitors because the dr was going to be there within 30 minutes and we needed to have a record of what was going on... ok... fine. The doctor didn't show until about an hour and a half later... I was ticked. When she checked me I was dialated to a 4 and the head was down... even though the contractions weren't showing up on the screen. The dr said, "Do you just not feel pain or something?" Hello!! Yes I feel pain... I just don't sit here screaming about it. So finally they got me into my own Labor and delivery room (sorry to go into all that detail... I just want to remember all that stuff).

So once I got settled in my own room things seemed like they were progressing great and everything was normal. I wanted to go all natural this time because with Ben and Chase the epideral didn't work out so well and I ended up feeling all the pain of delivery anyways. So this time I thought why even bother with the anxiety of someone sticking a needle in my spine. I didn't even want an IV, but they told me I had to and Boyd convinced me that I should let them (I'm so glad Boyd was there).

So... more contractions... getting stronger... and then my water broke (crazy). After that happened the nurse checked to see how far dilated I was and then she said, "Uh... that's not the head." I thought she was an idiot and didn't know what she was talking about... apparently she did. She went to get the doctor and an ultra sound machine and they found that Miles had turned within the time I was there at the hospital. He was now laying sideways and had apparently stuck his arm/elbow through my cervix (sorry for the descriptive words). The Doctor (Dr. Joseph) turned to me and told me we were going to have to do a C-Section. I felt my heart rate and anxiety level sky rocket as I half yelled at her, "can't you move him back or something?!!" She explained there was no way... especially now that my water had broke and that there was no other option than to do a C section. I totally lost it and bawled to Boyd. I honestly don't remember another time in my life when I was more scared. I'm the person who has passed out multiple times because I had a needle stuck in my arm to draw a vial of blood. I've gotten over the passing out part, but I still have serious fears of needles and surgery. I even cried out to Boyd, "I can handle pushing a baby out, but I can't handle having someone slice me open."

Moments after that the Anesthesiologist came into the room and I said to him, "You are the best anesthesiologist around, right?" He reassured me about everything and next thing I know they were wheeling me into the OR (that anesthesiologist was awesome... he stayed by me the whole time and talked to me to keep my mind occupied). I had managed to stop crying. But I just closed my eyes and zoned out and did what they asked me to do.

If you've felt sick at all by what you've already read... then don't read on. They told me that they would have him out within the next 5 minutes. It took them more like 15 minutes. turns out he was really stuck and they had to make an extra "T-cut" incision to get him out. I could feel them pushing on me (I couldn't see what's going on because they had a curtain up... thank goodness) and I later realized I had fingerprint bruises on my belly. The Doctor told me that they rarely have to make the "T-cut." It was the only one that Dr. Joseph had done and supposedly an OBGYN will probably only do about 2 during their whole career. Sweet huh?

So... recovery after a C-section is a whole different ball game than regular delivery. I stayed in the hospital for the next 3 days. I loved having Ben and Chase come and meet Miles. And I'm so glad that my mom was there to take care of them while I was in the hospital. Also... I'm so grateful to Boyd for staying with me overnight and sleeping on that awful fold out chair. I don't know what I would have done without Boyd... or my mom.

But it was worth it. I am so in love with my sweet Miles. I wish I could box up those first few days/hours that I have with my brand new baby and go back and relive them whenever I want. I love how tiny they are (he's already so much bigger) and just how brand new they are to this world. It is a total miracle... I LOVE it. And... I'm so grateful we both made it out alive. I'm afraid that 100 years ago one of us or both of us would have died. As much as I hated the thought of C-section... I'm so grateful for it.

And I'm so grateful for my boys and my family. Even though it's crazy and everyday is a challenge and I'm tired almost all the time... I love it! And I love them. And Boyd is awesome.

I don't think I'd be a sane person right now without him. I love him.

Anyways... that's my story. Here's some pictures...

I love this pictures... This is when we were getting ready to leave the hospital.
Ben is still super excited and happy about Miles. He tells me all the time how cute Miles is... and I agree :)
sweet baby :)

Ben's Birthday!!

When I asked Ben what he wanted for his Birthday... the first thing he said was, "A Lightning McQueen Cake." Wow... I think he remembered going to Davis' Birthday back in Seattle almost a year ago and he had a lightning McQueen Cake. Anyways... he got what he wanted.
trick candles :)
I love this kid.

Christmas!

Jena (my sister) and Josh were able to come spend Christmas with us at our house. I'm so glad she was able to be here. We had so much fun and Ben and Chase loved being with Adam and Zachary.