Playing the Odds.

As you may have realized, Paige is pregnant. We have been sitting on this information since, oh, about a week after we suspect it occurred when Paige was suddenly incapable of achieving homeostasis in her temperature. When one frequently hears the phrase, "I'm freezing" when the thermostat is set to and has achieved 75 degrees, the game, as Sherlock Holmes would say, is afoot.

The prospect of impending parental status has us occasionally fidgety and nervous. We have many questions. (This is not a solicitation for advice.) One of the preeminent puzzles is that of statistical genetics. Observe:

Paige is the youngest and last married of three sisters. (My math class would dictate that I assign this fact to a variable, but I shall endeavor to refrain.) The other sisters have three children betwixt the twain. (Old English kills the math urge.) Of these three children, all of them are male. Statistically speaking then, Paige should also give birth to male children.

I am the middle and last married of three boys. The sum of the offspring of the two siblings is equivalent to four girls. (GACK! Story Problem, the math is winning!) Therefore, holding with the trend, I should sire only females.

Ignoring sarcastic suggestions that we shall produce maternal twins, thus satisfying both family traditions, it is inevitable that we will, one way or the other, fulfill one trend and break the other.

So give us your opinion; to who's family line shall the first child pay homage?

You have until the end of July to suggest, opinionate and waffle like a politician. Winners get the complete satisfaction of knowing they were right in the face of fifty/fifty odds.

December 2, 2009

Just in case you were wondering...

Out with the Old, In with the New...

Semester.

Grades for first semester posted today. I think that's kinda funny, considering second semester started today as well. Since all my second semester classes are prerequisite on my first semester ones, it would have been nice to know I qualified sooner.

I recieved the following grades:

				Digital Media Essentials I		A
				Introduction to Writing CC		A
				Personal Health and Wellness		B+
				Introductory Algebra		A

GPA to Date: 3.90

I hope I can keep that up there. For first block summer classes I have online math, (Which I am already avoiding in favor of writing THIS post, bad sign.) and intro to 3d animation. Only my most looked forward to class to date. Second block will be a whole 'nother nightmare, but that's not till July.

Already I'm slightly stressed, my intro to 3d class is a whole different program from what I'm used to. I'm slightly worried.

Just slightly.

This Moderately Old House

Hi, I'm Abe Normans host of "This Moderately Old House." Today on the program, we are going to show you how to take a really old weathered deck and, rather than properly refinishing it, show you how to make it new by adding an accessory to it. As with all our projects, this should take just under 30 minutes.

This approach has two distinct advantages to it. First, being the lazy approach, it takes less time and money by it's very nature. Second, in forty years, when this home qualifies for "This Really Old House" it will have a rotten smelly termite ridden deck carcass for the crew to remove before they can put up an addition that quadruples the size of the home while somehow keeping with the home's essential original character.

We have lot's of equipment we are going to use on this job. Look here; I have three wood planes and all of them do something different. This one is a 6 inch wood plane. It smooths your wood in 6 inch increments. Next we have this 8 inch plane. This one smooths your wood in 8 inch increments. Check this last one out, 12 inch increments, makes all your wood smooth. But since this is not The Woodrights' Shop, and I left my jaunty cap, bib overalls and blue and white collarless stripped shirt with sleeves rolled up past the elbows at home; we won't be using any of these.

Instead I have this assortment of power tools. If you're like me, you're going to pick most of these up as birthday and Christmas gifts over the years. Otherwise you will just have to go and buy these at The Despot. First we have this reciprocating saw, then to replace the wood planes, we have a palm sander AND a hand-held belt sander that fits in your palm. (See the difference?) Then we have the miter saw, and a circular saw. Of course we also have the cordless drills, but this project we also have the relatively new invention of a "Corded Drill" These little babies pack more power than a cordless drill and just plug right into the wall where you would normally put the battery charger for your cordless ones. In addition to the power, as long as you keep this little beauty plugged in, you don't have to worry about the batteries dying. They also eliminate battery recycling worries, so it's better for the environment.


When assembling the project, we can use many different methods. Arguably, the strongest joint available is the Dove-Tail Joint. This kind of joint requires a 22 Rifle and steady aim. (Those little doves are fast after all.) I have neither aim nor gun, so we are going to use the tried and tested method of slapping wood together and putting really big screws through it.

Note in the previous statement I said "Arguably the strongest joint." The word arguably is used to present your ideas as very strong opinion even though you have no idea what you are talking about. This makes those who also have no idea what you are talking about say, "wow, what a strong opinion, he must know what he's talking about." Meanwhile, those who know I have no idea what I'm talking about say, "Well, that's just his opinion". This approach also works for Politics AND Religion. Try it at home Kids! (Wow, look at that, Dove tail Joints ARE the strongest! Thanks Wikipedia!)

After you remove part of the deck railing, the first step is to throw all your ingredients and tools into a bowl, mix them together into a porch swing and put them into this oven over here...
Hey look, the magic cooking show faeries have left a finished one in here for us already!


Now you should finish this project just in time for it to start raining on your unfinished wood. This probably doesn't count as irony either. Have you figured it out yet, Allanis Morristte? Huh, Have you? NOT IRONY!

Well that's it for today's program, I'd like to thank Nathan for taking over whenever my arms got tired. Tune in next week for whatever ridiculously complicated project we decide to make look easy next!

Happy early Birthday to Paige, Enjoy your swing when spring finally arrives!