This person has been awful and mean to me for most of the day. I mentioned that I was having trouble seeing without my glasses today (because they are broken), and she said, of course, that it was all due to menopause. I am not amused.
I'm pretty sure it is just a case of pure jealousy because we both entered a raffle and I have informed her that I will be winning the laptop, so to keep her drool off of it. She was not amused.
The drawing is next week. Let's hope that we don't kill each other before then, although she has posted her Christmas List and I have just informed her that I like the vacuum and do believe I will get myself one and not let her touch it.
MWA HAHAHAHAHAAAAA
**Update**
She just read this and her only comment was, "You suck." No imagination, I swear.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Things I Learned This Weekend
1. A 9 1/2 hour drive goes much much faster when it is somewhere you are looking forward to visiting.
2. A 9 1/2 hour drive is torture when you are not wanting to go home.
3. Our kids are annoying no matter how old they are.
4. Hot tubs get uncomfortably warm even when it is 50 degrees outdoors.
5. German Chocolate Cake will be wiped out before the birthday dinner.
6. So will deviled eggs.
7. New babies believe they are giving you a wonderful gift when they are pooping their diaper and spitting up on you at the same time... although it is very cute when they grin after gifting you. (Yes, it is a boy - the bodily function pride starts early, apparently.)
8. I'd still do Indiana Jones.
9. Washington DC drivers scare the everloving shit out of this country girl.
10. Pregnant daughters still need their mothers to tell them to get their pregnant baby bellies out of the 90 degree sun so they don't make the little peanut that she is gestating get overheated.
11. Holiday weekends are more tiring than a regular work day.
12. You guys kept me giggling with your car sex comments, so I guess that means I need to post something ridiculous before I go out of town from now on. No more serious posts.
13. I need Mexican food for lunch.
That's it. I may add to the list as I think of more, but I'm too tired.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Ummm..
Does jacking off inside a car count as having sex with it?
This is the stupidest story I think I have read all year.
Holyfuckingmoley
Why oh why did they identify this idiot as American.. we get bad enough press as it is.
HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA
This is the stupidest story I think I have read all year.
As well as Vanilla, he regularly spends time with his other vehicles – a 1973 Opal GT, named Cinnamon, and 1993 Ford Ranger Splash, named Ginger.
Before Vanilla, he had a five-year relationship with Victoria, a 1969 VW Beetle he bought from a family of Jehovah's Witnesses.
Holyfuckingmoley
Why oh why did they identify this idiot as American.. we get bad enough press as it is.
HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Friday, May 16, 2008
Conversation with Odat
Some of you know that I am friends with the famous Ms. Odat. What you don't know is the strange and bizarre paths our conversations occasionally tend to follow. Here is a portion of this morning's conversation:
Deb says:
I gotta go to walmart and get Noah a birthday card, but if I leave a muslim will get my parking spot
Odat says:
lmao.....what??????????????
Deb says:
yeah after I read that the thought crossed my mind that this might just end up as a bloggable conversation. lmao
Odat says:
why, pray tell, will a muslim get your parking space?
Deb says:
cuz they are out to get me.. of course.
Odat says:
oh...ok, i get it now
Odat says:
aluminum hat time
Deb says:
actually its cuz my office is half a block away from the jihad church (it actually says jihad above the door), and I parked right in front of their door this morning when I got here
Deb says:
to make matters worse, the jihad church is directly across the street from the abortion clinic.
Odat says:
lmaooooooo
Deb says:
can you say the most dangerous street in savannah?? lol
Odat says:
sounds dangerous to me
Deb says:
when I got here this morning the catholics were in front of the abortion clinic saying hail mary's really really loud
Odat says:
omg
Odat says:
you should blog this
Deb says:
lol
Deb says:
maybe I'll log the entire conversation and just post that.. seems much easier. lol
Odat says:
that's easier
Deb says:
don't worry.. I'll use your fake name to protect your right to privacy. lmao
Odat says:
I know, you're a good friend that way
Deb says:
actually.. I won't do it if it bugs you.. just seems like a funny conversation. lol
Odat says:
no I wouldn't mind
Deb says:
oh cool.. your fans will be impressed that I am pals with you. hehe
There you have it. Another weird one. Thanks girlfriend.. you do keep me laffing. hehe
*P.S.: We decided to do the twin posts just for the comedic factor. Oh shut up, you know you laughed. (snicker)*
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Holy Moley
It just struck me, just now, how absolutely crazy things are going to be for me for the next month or so. I am driving to Annapolis next weekend to spend JC's birthday with him. A week or so after that my daughter is due to have her baby and I will be taking off and driving to Oklahoma for that happy occasion (18 hour drive, OMG), but we'll have that cute little baby to cuddle. I will be bringing my son back with me for the summer and I plan to take him up to Annapolis to meet his impending step-brother and to haul him around D.C. and do the tourist thing. With all my trips up to that area I have only been into D.C. to go to sports events (goooo Caps!), so I'm looking forward to just walking around and gawking.
*I don't think JC has been reading my blog so I will put this here too...*
I think when I'm up there I will suggest we go get married, just for the opportunity to laugh at the reaction. My mom told me to take a picture of of the expression on his face. I said that he is liable to call my bluff and say okay let's go.... she then said, then have him take a picture of the expression on YOUR face. Thanks mom. hehe
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
I Stole This Post
I just visited the great Brian J. Noggle, who apparently borrowed the idea from the wonderful Dustbury. I liked it so much I thought I'd join in on the action.
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi: a novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
The Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler's Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran: a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked: the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales
The Historian: a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault's Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
1984
Angels & Demons
The Inferno (and Purgatory and Paradise)
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D'Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
Gulliver's Travels
Les Misérables
The Corrections
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela's Ashes: a memoir
The God of Small Things
A People's History of the United States: 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaughterhouse-Five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake: a novel
Collapse: how societies choose to fail or succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics: a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: an inquiry into values
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity's Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood: a true account of a multiple murder and its consequences
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield
The Three Musketeers
Obviously I am not as well read as our Mr. Noggle. Apparently I have a lot of reading to do before I, too, can look smart. :-)
What we have here is the top 106 books most often marked as "unread" by LibraryThing's users. As in, they sit on the shelf to make you look smart or well-rounded. Bold the ones you've read, underline the ones you read for school, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish. Additionally, I have listed in green the ones that I have on my to read shelves to actually read.Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi: a novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
The Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler's Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran: a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked: the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales
The Historian: a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault's Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
1984
Angels & Demons
The Inferno (and Purgatory and Paradise)
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D'Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
Gulliver's Travels
Les Misérables
The Corrections
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela's Ashes: a memoir
The God of Small Things
A People's History of the United States: 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaughterhouse-Five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake: a novel
Collapse: how societies choose to fail or succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics: a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: an inquiry into values
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity's Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood: a true account of a multiple murder and its consequences
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield
The Three Musketeers
Obviously I am not as well read as our Mr. Noggle. Apparently I have a lot of reading to do before I, too, can look smart. :-)
Friday, May 09, 2008
Lost Dog
This flyer for a lost dog was dropped off at our office. It has pretty much cracked everyone up.
click for the full effect
AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA
Vagueness and not catching the dog is the way to go when looking for a lost dog, I guess.
Body and fur are very similar to this & her face is kind of similar to this
Do Not Chase
AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA
Vagueness and not catching the dog is the way to go when looking for a lost dog, I guess.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Randomness
This photo is the one that brings the most blog hits here. I am not sure why. The poor dog has been ogled at enough, let him live his life in peace and privacy after his tussle with the local neighborhood porcupine.
He is shocked and dismayed that these photos have become so popular amongst the internet elite, but asks that you let him move on from this embarrassing episode of his life and let him recover quietly. He will issue another statement in the future, if one is needed. He says he's fine and only occasionally suffers traumatic flashbacks.
Moving on....
Also popular amongst bloggers is a post I once did for the book Wicked. Apparently there are a lot of people on the lookout for homework cheats. We are an immoral generation. DO YOUR OWN DAMN HOMEWORK.
Moving on...
Since I posted the Cuss-O-Meter, I had sorta, kinda, been on a mission to up my cussing percentage on this blog. It is not working. I just did a check up and my cussing has actually dropped to 10.2%. I am a failure at dirty language. Fuck.
And finally...
This is the motorcycle that The Handsome JC has bought, the Harley-Davidson Rocker C. It seems he will take delivery of it next week, which means that he will have it when I am at his house over Memorial Day weekend. Luckily for me, at the moment it does not have a passenger seat, but he seems to be on a mission to acquire one. I do not like motorcycles, but I won't count anything out until I try it. That thing looks way too fast for my liking though.
That is all. Have a lurvely Thursday.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
AH HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA
My friend gave birth at age 65.
With all the new technology regarding fertility in recent years, a 65-year-old Friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
"May I see the new baby?" I asked
"Not yet," She said "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."
Thirty more minutes passed and I ance again asked, "May I see please your new baby now?"
"No, not yet," she said.
After another few minutes had elapsed, I anxiously asked again, "May I see the baby now?"
"No, not yet," replied my friend.
Growing impatient, I asked, "Well, when can I see the baby?" "Okay...Alright .... WHEN HE CRIES ... WHEN HE CRIES!" she told me.
"WHEN HE CRIES?" I demanded. "Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?"
"BECAUSE .... I DON'T REMEMBER WHERE I PUT HIM .... Okay ?!!
With all the new technology regarding fertility in recent years, a 65-year-old Friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
"May I see the new baby?" I asked
"Not yet," She said "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."
Thirty more minutes passed and I ance again asked, "May I see please your new baby now?"
"No, not yet," she said.
After another few minutes had elapsed, I anxiously asked again, "May I see the baby now?"
"No, not yet," replied my friend.
Growing impatient, I asked, "Well, when can I see the baby?" "Okay...Alright .... WHEN HE CRIES ... WHEN HE CRIES!" she told me.
"WHEN HE CRIES?" I demanded. "Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?"
"BECAUSE .... I DON'T REMEMBER WHERE I PUT HIM .... Okay ?!!
Monday, May 05, 2008
The Po Leese
I am a self admitted cynic. In some ways I am as naive as I was when I was kid and I find myself unpleasantly surprised when someone does something nasty to someone else. I just don't expect it and when it does I am shocked and dismayed. However, when it comes to the local police departments, I fully expect THEM to do nasty things. I know I know, they are there to "serve and protect," and that we should give them our full support, blah blah blah, but I rarely see any police officer doing anything other than trying to catch everyday normal citizens doing something out of the ordinary so that they can be separated from their hard earned cash. I drive back and forth between here and Maryland on a fairly regular basis. I have seen unmarked white Mustangs with people pulled over. Now... is it just me or does that just seem WRONG?? The police spill their usual crap about how they are trying to keep us safe, but wouldn't a marked police car, which would deter speeders, make more sense? Deterrence means that we are all safer, right? But no, they put a sports car on the road so that they can catch anyone speeding so that yes, they can have the extra cash for those donuts, or so that they can fill their quotas. Then we have the jaded and burned out police officers who are only in it for the pension.
Recently one of the attorneys at work was in need of a local police officer's deposition regarding an accident that he investigated. The police officer was completely uncooperative (you would think testifying about accidents would be part of his job). That particular police officer was more interested in getting his appearance fee than in doing the job he is already being paid for. Sad, it is.
Then we have the "Police Benevolence Associations" calling our house and asking us for even more of our hard earned cash, throwing the guilt upon our heads about taking care of these officer's family, should they die on the job. Well ya know, let me see... they already get paid more than I do, they are in a job that they chose to do and they knew the risks, not to mention the fact that if something were to happen to me on the job (explosion, ghostly presence, disgruntled client), would anyone be soliciting donations from strangers to take care of my family? I think not. That, coupled with the fact that these "Benevolence Associations" get a very large chunk of the profits from whatever they take in, it is all a crock of shit.
I will insert the usual disclaimer here. I am sure there are good, honest and decent police officers in the world of law enforcement. I, personally, have yet to see those rare creatures.
When the boat crashed next to my apartment a couple of years ago there were 5 police cars with lights blazing outside my apartment, and I was the one being yelled at because I didn't have the truck tag number of the owner or that I didn't get the make and model of the pickup truck. Sorry guys, I was too busy laughing and lamenting the fact that the boat didn't crush my car. Let's see........ no damage, crashed boat, embarrassed boat owner, woman bawling her face off because a boat came loose from a truck and forced her to hit her brakes. A recipe for social disaster apparently since it took 5 police units to respond to the phone call. Police work at its best, I guess.
So there you have it. My weekly rant. I have a cartoon about this but it is on my computer at work. If I remember I will attach it when I get there.
Later, my fellow reprobates.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Actual Work Conversation (as of 12 minutes ago)
Me: I believe that Armageddon has already happened and we are already in Hell.
Jess: No that's global warming!
Proof that Al Gore is Satan? You decide...... Discuss.
Lazy Days and Bad Dreams
I had nightmares last night. All night. Every time I would wake up and drift off back to sleep I would slip into a different dream but with always the same basic theme: a tornado is heading straight towards me. This does not make for relaxing sleep... although this could be a throw back from my growing up in Oklahoma. An observation here. When I tell anyone who knows that I grew up in Oklahoma that I have never seen an actual tornado, they get an incredulous expression on their face and say something along the lines of, "What the fuck??" I then go on to explain that the most probable explanation of that is that when we knew a tornado was coming we hastily made our way to the storm cellar. Or maybe I was just lucky. (This is also the same expression I see when they find out that I'm living in Savannah but that I despise seafood. It just doesn't seem to compute.)
THEN... I wake up this morning and realize that I have been absolutely unmotivated. I don't want to work, and normally this is a job that I love. My motivation has dropped to the nether regions.
How does a person get their motivation back once it has abandoned us?
Whine whine bitch piss moan. This is my blog and I can if I want ta. hehe
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Equality?
Before I launch into this, let me preface this by saying no, I am not racist. But then of course I'm pretty sure even the most racist people in the world would deny being so. Does Al Sharpton concede to being racist? I doubt it. Is he racist? Absolutely.
That being said, I was having a discussion with the Handsome JC today about the state of entitlement that this country seems to have settled on. At this point I don't believe it is any particular race or sexual orientation that has decided they are owed the world. It is more like an entire generation that has settled upon that attitude in life. We raised our children as spoiled little brats, if they mess up then it must be someone else's fault. So why should we be surprised when they have that attitude as adults? I have found that the hardest lesson to instill into my children's hard heads is that when they mess up it is THEIR fault, not the person next door. I keep telling them that we all make mistakes, but it is what we do with ourselves after that mistake is made that defines where we go in life. Do we learn from it? Do we move on from it and take the steps necessary to insure that mistake never happens again or do we blame someone else and continue on with the same old mistakes?
I live in the south where 150 years ago black individuals were kept as slaves. As a country mistakes were made, but from what I can see the country has really gone above and beyond what is necessary to make amends for that. Affirmative action anyone? But now I see that living in the south black Americans (I say black Americans because unless they actually are from Africa, they aren't freaking African in my opinion) have a sense of self entitlement. Their great great grandparents were slaves so white Americans MUST pay the price. But when does the paying stop? How long is society to pay for mistakes made 150 years ago? Minorities today have the same opportunities that everyone has, i.e., go to university and improve your life. Work for what you want/need as opposed to expecting it to be given free and clear. I was wondering the other day that at that point in the future when white Americans become the minority, will we be afforded the same preferential treatment. Will affirmative action be available to us? Will we be allowed to have white pride parades? Will we have scholarships to universities based solely on the fact that we are white? Would we have White Entertainment Television (WET) stations? Would we even want that? I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want that, but I would like for the preferential treatment of races and sexual orientation to stop.
As individuals we are what we are. We are born into families that do right by us or we don't. Every single person on the face of the earth has baggage to deal with. Deal with it and move on and attempt to improve your life rather than blaming it on the fact that you are black/hispanic/gay and the white/straight man is keeping you down. It is not my fault, or the guy next door's fault, your ex-husband/wife's fault, or your Uncle Albert's fault that you aren't going where you want in life.. it is your fault.
That is my rant for the day. That is just what is going through my mind.
Black/Hispanic/Gay Pride? Sorry, but that just seems all outdated and silly. American pride? There you go, maybe we should all just settle on that and move on from the inequality bullshit. I think everyone would benefit from that.
That being said, I was having a discussion with the Handsome JC today about the state of entitlement that this country seems to have settled on. At this point I don't believe it is any particular race or sexual orientation that has decided they are owed the world. It is more like an entire generation that has settled upon that attitude in life. We raised our children as spoiled little brats, if they mess up then it must be someone else's fault. So why should we be surprised when they have that attitude as adults? I have found that the hardest lesson to instill into my children's hard heads is that when they mess up it is THEIR fault, not the person next door. I keep telling them that we all make mistakes, but it is what we do with ourselves after that mistake is made that defines where we go in life. Do we learn from it? Do we move on from it and take the steps necessary to insure that mistake never happens again or do we blame someone else and continue on with the same old mistakes?
I live in the south where 150 years ago black individuals were kept as slaves. As a country mistakes were made, but from what I can see the country has really gone above and beyond what is necessary to make amends for that. Affirmative action anyone? But now I see that living in the south black Americans (I say black Americans because unless they actually are from Africa, they aren't freaking African in my opinion) have a sense of self entitlement. Their great great grandparents were slaves so white Americans MUST pay the price. But when does the paying stop? How long is society to pay for mistakes made 150 years ago? Minorities today have the same opportunities that everyone has, i.e., go to university and improve your life. Work for what you want/need as opposed to expecting it to be given free and clear. I was wondering the other day that at that point in the future when white Americans become the minority, will we be afforded the same preferential treatment. Will affirmative action be available to us? Will we be allowed to have white pride parades? Will we have scholarships to universities based solely on the fact that we are white? Would we have White Entertainment Television (WET) stations? Would we even want that? I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want that, but I would like for the preferential treatment of races and sexual orientation to stop.
As individuals we are what we are. We are born into families that do right by us or we don't. Every single person on the face of the earth has baggage to deal with. Deal with it and move on and attempt to improve your life rather than blaming it on the fact that you are black/hispanic/gay and the white/straight man is keeping you down. It is not my fault, or the guy next door's fault, your ex-husband/wife's fault, or your Uncle Albert's fault that you aren't going where you want in life.. it is your fault.
That is my rant for the day. That is just what is going through my mind.
Black/Hispanic/Gay Pride? Sorry, but that just seems all outdated and silly. American pride? There you go, maybe we should all just settle on that and move on from the inequality bullshit. I think everyone would benefit from that.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Brevard, North Carolina
Friday afternoon I drove up to Brevard, North Carolina to see The Handsome JC, who had driven down from Maryland to meet the newest addition to his family (the fresh grandson). It was a 4 1/2 hour drive for me, a 9 hour drive for him. I had a really nice weekend though, lots of adventures (in and out of the hotel room, hehe), meeting the other daughter that I had not met yet, and holding the little noobikin, who is absolutely adorable and has inherited his grandfather's freakishly long toes. Brevard is a beautiful town, I would like to visit there again sometime.
There is a small gourmet type store there that we went in that had a plethora of stranged named beers. I bought a few, gave one to JC (I can't remember what it was called but it looked like it was in a moonshine jug with a cork stopper and all) and kept the below one for myself.
I bought the Monty Python Holy Ail for my boss, since he and I both are Monty Python fanatics. He took one look at it, burst into laughter and said that he was going to have to take it home because if he leaves it at work "someone" would take it and drink it. (I failed to mention that it might be me who is the "someone.") The label on the bottle cracks me up, it says, "Tempered over burning witches."
*insert snide ex-wife/ex-girlfriend joke here*
Now, to keep up the spirit of the Cuss-O-Meter, here is my daily addition: BASTARD
There is a small gourmet type store there that we went in that had a plethora of stranged named beers. I bought a few, gave one to JC (I can't remember what it was called but it looked like it was in a moonshine jug with a cork stopper and all) and kept the below one for myself.
I bought the Monty Python Holy Ail for my boss, since he and I both are Monty Python fanatics. He took one look at it, burst into laughter and said that he was going to have to take it home because if he leaves it at work "someone" would take it and drink it. (I failed to mention that it might be me who is the "someone.") The label on the bottle cracks me up, it says, "Tempered over burning witches."
*insert snide ex-wife/ex-girlfriend joke here*
Now, to keep up the spirit of the Cuss-O-Meter, here is my daily addition: BASTARD
Friday, April 25, 2008
The Cuss-O-Meter
Apparently my language isn't colorful enough.
Created by OnePlusYou
I'm experimenting. Be Right Back................ (Ignore the below if you are easily offended)
fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother
fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother
fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shit
bags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck
shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker
damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a
bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker
damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags
son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit
fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit damn damn damn
Ok.. lets see what this did to my Cuss-O-Meter. Be Right Back Again.
Fuck. It did nuthin. I am going to have to spice it up more often, I'm thinking.
Created by OnePlusYou
I'm experimenting. Be Right Back................ (Ignore the below if you are easily offended)
fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother
fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother
fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shit
bags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck
shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker
damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a
bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker
damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags
son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit
fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit damn damn damn
Ok.. lets see what this did to my Cuss-O-Meter. Be Right Back Again.
Fuck. It did nuthin. I am going to have to spice it up more often, I'm thinking.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
The Joy Internetting
Facebook. I believe it is here to stay. For a while anyway. My parents have discovered the joy of posting baby pictures of my brother, who is now an airline pilot, and myself (I'm not an airline pilot). As adorable as this sounds, it has led to some interesting misidentifications of a few photos. Luckily for me I was the only one around with long brown hair and huge soulful eyes (insert big shiteatin' grin here), so I was always identified correctly. My brother, however, was misidentified in one photo. My parents posted a picture of me playing in a backyard pool with the two neighbor kids, one being a small girl without a shirt on. They thought it was my brother and tagged the picture that way. I did correct them and told them who it was, but the damage is done. I can now make fun of my brother until the end of time, reminding him that at least our parents knew who I was in baby pictures.
I have had an ongoing argument with him over the last 20 years over who is the favorite. This development has given me a huge advantage. Life is good. hehe
Me, at about 3 or 4.
I have had an ongoing argument with him over the last 20 years over who is the favorite. This development has given me a huge advantage. Life is good. hehe
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Happy Shakespeare Birthday!
You know I had to post a celebration.
I found this the other day. Scenes from the movie Pulp Fiction translated into Shakespeare speak. I had ta laff, I really did. It makes me want to go back and watch Pulp Fiction again, which I haven't seen in several years, just to compare the scenes.
ACT I SCENE 2. A road, morning. Enter a carriage, with JULES and VINCENT, murderers.
J: And know'st thou what the French name cottage pie?
V: Say they not cottage pie, in their own tongue?
J: But nay, their tongues, for speech and taste alike
Are strange to ours, with their own history:
Gaul knoweth not a cottage from a house.
V: What say they then, pray?
J: Hachis Parmentier.
V: Hachis Parmentier! What name they cream?
J: Cream is but cream, only they say le crème.
V: What do they name black pudding?
J: I know not;
I visited no inn it could be bought.
...
J: My pardon; did I break thy concentration?
Continue! Ah, but now thy tongue is still.
Allow me then to offer a response.
Describe Marsellus Wallace to me, pray.
B: What?
J: What country dost thou hail from?
B: What?
J: How passing strange, for I have traveled far,
And never have I heard tell of this What.
What language speak they in the land of What?
B: What?
J: The Queen's own English, base knave, dost thou speak it?
B: Aye!
J: Then hearken to my words and answer them!
Describe to me Marsellus Wallace!
B: What?
JULES presses his knife to BRETT's throat
J: Speak 'What' again! Thou cur, cry 'What' again!
I dare thee utter 'What' again but once!
I dare thee twice and spit upon thy name!
Now, paint for me a portraiture in words,
If thou hast any in thy head but 'What',
Of Marsellus Wallace!
B: He is dark.
J: Aye, and what more?
B: His head is shaven bald.
J: Has he the semblance of a harlot?
B: What?
JULES strikes and BRETT cries out
J: Has he the semblance of a harlot?
B: Nay!
J: Then why didst thou attempt to bed him thus?
B: I did not!
J: Aye, thou didst! O, aye, thou didst!
Thou hoped to rape him like a chattel whore,
And sooth, Lord Wallace is displeased to bed
With anyone but she to whom he wed.
This site is dedicated to translating the entire movie into Shakespeare speak. Funny as hell it is. Go have a read. :-)
I found this the other day. Scenes from the movie Pulp Fiction translated into Shakespeare speak. I had ta laff, I really did. It makes me want to go back and watch Pulp Fiction again, which I haven't seen in several years, just to compare the scenes.
ACT I SCENE 2. A road, morning. Enter a carriage, with JULES and VINCENT, murderers.
J: And know'st thou what the French name cottage pie?
V: Say they not cottage pie, in their own tongue?
J: But nay, their tongues, for speech and taste alike
Are strange to ours, with their own history:
Gaul knoweth not a cottage from a house.
V: What say they then, pray?
J: Hachis Parmentier.
V: Hachis Parmentier! What name they cream?
J: Cream is but cream, only they say le crème.
V: What do they name black pudding?
J: I know not;
I visited no inn it could be bought.
...
J: My pardon; did I break thy concentration?
Continue! Ah, but now thy tongue is still.
Allow me then to offer a response.
Describe Marsellus Wallace to me, pray.
B: What?
J: What country dost thou hail from?
B: What?
J: How passing strange, for I have traveled far,
And never have I heard tell of this What.
What language speak they in the land of What?
B: What?
J: The Queen's own English, base knave, dost thou speak it?
B: Aye!
J: Then hearken to my words and answer them!
Describe to me Marsellus Wallace!
B: What?
JULES presses his knife to BRETT's throat
J: Speak 'What' again! Thou cur, cry 'What' again!
I dare thee utter 'What' again but once!
I dare thee twice and spit upon thy name!
Now, paint for me a portraiture in words,
If thou hast any in thy head but 'What',
Of Marsellus Wallace!
B: He is dark.
J: Aye, and what more?
B: His head is shaven bald.
J: Has he the semblance of a harlot?
B: What?
JULES strikes and BRETT cries out
J: Has he the semblance of a harlot?
B: Nay!
J: Then why didst thou attempt to bed him thus?
B: I did not!
J: Aye, thou didst! O, aye, thou didst!
Thou hoped to rape him like a chattel whore,
And sooth, Lord Wallace is displeased to bed
With anyone but she to whom he wed.
This site is dedicated to translating the entire movie into Shakespeare speak. Funny as hell it is. Go have a read. :-)
Sunday, April 20, 2008
This About Sums It Up
This video perfectly reports my life as of late. I love it when the international news agencies report something that hits so close and I can relate to so well.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Have You Ever Noticed.......
That when a celebrity has a new album or a new movie to promote, suddenly they decide to "come forward" with their own personal struggle with depression/abuse/eating disorder, or that they are suddenly, happily gay? Why is it that they choose that particular time to talk about it... or why do they even talk about it at all? Is it to make them feel as if they are identifying with the little people and that they, too, have the same human struggles that us common folk have? I call bullshit on that. Sure they may get depressed. Sure they may have been abused... sure they have the same emotional ups and downs as the rest of us, but to be perfectly honest here, they are celebrities because we need fantasy lives to imagine ourselves in. I imagine myself with 50 million plus bucks in the bank. I may have an occasional blue day (can you say PMS??), but I suspect I will be much less stressed about things. I can imagine that not having to worry about my credit card bill would make me much, much happier. I can almost imagine myself being about to sign a two year cell phone contract without hyperventilating.
Gwyneth Paltrow has a new movie to promote, and suddenly she is coming forward with her struggle with mild postpartum depression. All you moms say it with me.. GROAAAAN. It is ridiculous and nearly every new mom I have ever known has had that struggle to some extent. It doesn't make her any better because she survived it without going on a killing rampage. It just means she is a normal person. I don't exactly see why it should be celebrated or should have dozens of articles written about it. (On a side note, she also claims that her husband gets very upset with her if she mentions him in interviews.. good for him, she needs to take a hint and keep her mouth shut.)
Is it just me or does it seem that the bigger the mystique, the bigger the star? The ones that constantly talk about themselves or put themselves in tabloid heaven are the ones that us general public people get sick of hearing about.
Anyway, that is my rant for the day. Sorry for the long absence, but I have been feeling strangely uncreative lately. Hopefully normal blogging will resume shortly.
Did anyone miss me? ;-)
Gwyneth Paltrow has a new movie to promote, and suddenly she is coming forward with her struggle with mild postpartum depression. All you moms say it with me.. GROAAAAN. It is ridiculous and nearly every new mom I have ever known has had that struggle to some extent. It doesn't make her any better because she survived it without going on a killing rampage. It just means she is a normal person. I don't exactly see why it should be celebrated or should have dozens of articles written about it. (On a side note, she also claims that her husband gets very upset with her if she mentions him in interviews.. good for him, she needs to take a hint and keep her mouth shut.)
Is it just me or does it seem that the bigger the mystique, the bigger the star? The ones that constantly talk about themselves or put themselves in tabloid heaven are the ones that us general public people get sick of hearing about.
Anyway, that is my rant for the day. Sorry for the long absence, but I have been feeling strangely uncreative lately. Hopefully normal blogging will resume shortly.
Did anyone miss me? ;-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)