Rant Rant Mutter Rant

I came home for lunch today to find a note on my door from apartment management (there was one on every door). They informed us that on September 1, 2008, they will be trimming the trees around the apartment complex and if our cars are in the way they will "regretfully" be forced to have them towed. Perturbed I was... so I called the management office. I helpfully reminded them that Monday was Labor Day. Yes, they agreed, it is. I went on to graciously remind them that most people will be at home on that day and asked if it was a mistake about the car towing thing. No, no mistake. I said, "Ya know, it is a holiday weekend, I've got company coming for the weekend, and you are telling me that if my car is in the parking lot on that day you are going to tow it??" Stutter. Apologies. But yes.

I am not a happy puppy at the moment and am so glad I am moving out of here.

I do believe a strongly worded letter is in order. hehe

hehehe

Two elderly people living in Florida, he was a widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big arena in the Clubhouse.

The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, 'Will you marry me?' After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered 'Yes. Yes, I will!'

The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. 'Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?'

He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.

First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, 'When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ' Yes' or did you say 'No'?'

He was delighted to hear her say, 'Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart.' Then she continued, 'And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me.'

I'm An Illusionist. Yeah That's Right, Uh Huh.

I haven't quizzed in a long time. This one was "borrowed" from Dustbury, who apparently borrowed it from someone else. Not so impressed with the image that goes along with it. It looks like a swarm of bugs. ewwwwww

Your result for The Perception Personality Image Test...

NBDC - The Illusionist

Nature, Background, Detail, and Color

You perceive the world with particular attention to nature. You focus on the hidden treasures of life (the background) and how that is affected by the details of life. You are also particularly drawn towards the colors around you. Because of the value you place on nature, you tend to find comfort in more subdued settings and find energy in solitude. You like to ponder ideas and imagine the many possibilities of your life without worrying about the details or specifics. You are highly focused on specific goals or tasks and find meaning in life by pursuing those goals. You are a down-to-earth person who enjoys going with the flow.

The Perception Personality Types:

Take The Perception Personality Image Test at HelloQuizzy

P.S.: 24 Days to Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Ya scurvy dog who ortin' t' be keel hauled!





Okay the Yoda Pirate just made me giggle. hehe

Taking Your Own Sweet Time

I have noticed an alarming trend in the blog world. Most of my regular reads, with the exception of a couple, only blog once every few weeks now. I understand that they have lives and all that crap, but come on... this is about ME and MY entertainment, which they are failing at. Daily blog posts people!

And no, I’m talking about them, not me.

There is one link on my linkage that hasn’t posted in over a year. I have kept his link up hoping he would make a miraculous return, but so far it hasn’t happened, so I must sadly remove him. *whimper*

Another one hasn’t posted since last winter, but I keep him on there because he was my very first blog buddy/crush and I know he’ll be back. YOU HEAR ME SASSAN??

Anyway, those of you who think you can get away with only posting once every week or so, think again. I am taking it upon myself to make sure you blog often enough to entertain me dammit.




P.S.: There are only 25 more days to Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Yar.

I'm FREEEEE

Well okay, I’m not free, but I am cheap. I am a fatwallet.com addict. I have not had to buy deodorant, toothpaste or razors for the last 2 years now. It is liberating, it is nice, it is better than nice that I don’t have to spend my hard earned cash on implements of personal hygiene. They are provided to me free of charge by companies who are trying to entice me to buy their products. How silly of them.

I did, however, come to the alarming realization that I should probably stop (or at least slow down) my free sample ordering, as I am going to be moving to a whole new area code in approximately 12 weeks. Since most orders take 8 to 10 weeks to arrive, that gives me only 2 more weeks of pleasurable cheapness. When I pointed this out to the Handsome JC last night, he became very still and quiet. I’m pretty sure it was out of fear that I would start having that stuff sent to his house. His only response was, “You can do a change of address once you move.” The man does not appreciate my frugalness.

He’ll thank me for this one day, once he gets a gander at my year supply of deodorant/toothpaste/razors/shampoo samples. In fact I don’t know why he seems so afraid of that aspect of my personality, he himself has, in the past, benefited from the razor selection.

Men.

Office Conversations

Jess and I have frequent interesting office conversations. There are many times at the conclusion of one of these entertaining dialogues that I stop and say... BLOG POST! Yesterday there were two such moments.

The first conversation was discussing her post on the standing up dead dude. I told her about the picture I found of the guy who was buried in his Lamborghini:



About the Harley Hearse:



And about the coffin sofas that are available in kickin blue, sassy red or in the subdued, yet elegant, classic black:





The conversation then gravitated toward my own funeral, wherein I stated my wishes to have my urn set in the middle of all my drunken friends and that shall be my funeral. Jess told me to start saving up because she sure as hell wasn't paying for that keg (what a pal). I've decided to have the funeral director rig my urn to occasionally cough and have puffs of ashes come out the the top whilst my pals drink themselves silly all around me. Good times to be had by all.


Later in the day the conversation was about a person here in Savannah who went to jail for graffiti at the parking garage. There were photos of the graffiti on the news online page, and the graffiti SUCKED. There was no artistic thought put to it at all, and now this guy is probably not in jail for defasing public property, but more than likely he was arrested for lack of artistic imagination.

This then led the conversation on how it would go if we were sent to prison for bad graffiti art.....

"HEY MAN.. whaddya in for???"

"Graffiti"

BWAH HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

"C'mere precious, whose yer daddy...."

Or something like that. If it were me I'd so totally lie about what I did to be sent to prison.

Hey... I think I can get another post out of this one. The title will be: What I Did To Be Sent To Prison.

Still More Chickens

(received in an email)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side..That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Chicken Hamlet

The Chickens are at it again. Chickens and Hamlet.

Hmmmm... suddenly hungry........

Mush Alert (hehe)

I had an issue with The Handsome JC this past weekend. Something came up that I expected him to do, which he didn’t. I was a little (okay a lot) upset. When I informed him of my displeasure, to which he sat listening to patiently for about 20 seconds, and then piped in that if I was just needing to vent fine, but he’s already said he was sorry so there was no point in going over it again. He was right, but I was still upset, so I told him I’d call him back later.

Lo & behold, when I got home that evening and checked my email, there was an email waiting for me correcting the situation that I was upset about. He had bent over backwards to fix the issue just because I was upset. Nobody has ever done that for me before. Yes, I melted.

I’m thinking this man has got the right stuff. In love? Absolutely.

What An Amazing Thing!

The amazing Crystal over at Boobs Injuries & Dr. Pepper has inadvertently began a tidal wave of good feelings all through the blogging community. Her little girl, Virginia, had her Nintendo DS stolen from her, and while blogging about it one of her readers stepped up to replace the Nintendo, which was a very sweet thing to do. It has now avalanched into a charitable donation thing to provide Nintendo DS to deserving kids.

Go check it out and donate if you can. I plan to.

Guess Who This Is - The Surprising Answer

Okay Okay, you give up. Lightweights. Although having Jess cuss at my back for not being allowed to answer was pretty damn satisfying. hehe



This guy, my darlings, is the one and only Karate Kid.. Ralph Macchio, all grown up. As cute as he was in the Karate Kid movies I think he is even better looking now than he was then, which brings to mind two questions: i) why do men get better looking in their 40s and women just start looking old; and ii) why isn't he on TV somewhere??

A New One, And No, I Can't Help Myself So Get Used To The Excessive Cuteness

Say it with me..... AWWWWWWWWWWWWW

The dress she has on was my daughter's when she was a baby, which makes this a doubly cute picture.

Wax On Wax Off

I am at home, laying in bed, taking a sick day. I won't tell you what the problem is, just think First Plague of Egypt, and you'll be pretty close. (And no, that one isn't the plague of lice or frogs.)

So, whilst in my bed of affliction, I have been laying here watching Karate Kid.. remember that movie from the 80s? I haven't seen it since the 80s and enjoyed it immensely. I usually get bored and fall asleep during movies but I made it all the way through it.



That last scene where Daniel wins the tournament is great, isn't it? Who knew that doing household chores would save you from an ass kicking and/or win you fame and fortune.

:-)

Guess the Picture

Before you click the link to see what actually is happening in this picture, tell me what you think is going on. Some of you reprobates will more than likely get it right.




Full story here. Prepare to be entertained.

HAHAHAHAHAAAAA

Now Playing

In a living room near me. Over there, actually. ---------------->

This is the best Melissa Etheridge song EVER and the only reason I'm listening to the CD. Don't really care that much about the rest of the CD to tell the truth.



:-)

P.S.: Come back Odat!

EEEP

I WAS ASLEEP. I swear I was! Except one thing woke me up and since that moment I have had trouble getting back to sleep and I seem to have developed an uncontrollable itch over every inch of my body. I may never be recover.


This was crawling across my chest. I touched it. It touched me.

OMIGOD I'm unclean!

I hate the south.

True Beauty

I do believe she's got it.



But then again, maybe gram is a touch biased. ;-)