Remember This Song?

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
Guess I'll go eat worms,
Long, thin, slimy ones; Short, fat, juicy ones,
Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy wuzzy worms.

Down goes the first one, down goes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm.
Up comes the first one, up comes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm.

How about this one:

Great green gobs of greasy grimey gopher guts,
Mutiliated monkey meat,
Chopped up birdie feet!

French fried eyeballs mixed in with baby mush,

I for-got my spoon!

So I'll use a straw...

My New Motto

I have not been in a good mood lately. In fact, the last few days, I have been positively morose and horrible to be around.

Shit happens... but why does it always seem to happen to me. lol

Insomnia

I can't sleep. I've been awake since 2:30. I tried watching an actual TV program, but I got too interested in it to go to sleep. I tried shutting off all the lights and laying in the dark, but my brain wouldn't shut up. I tried watching a movie I have seen a thousand times, but the noise bothered me.

Have you ever wondered, in the Harry Potter movies... when they transform an animal into a teacup, does it hurt the animal? Is the animal aware its been turned into a teacup? Would you want to drink out of it?

I wish I could sleep.

The Benevolent Dictator

My son has confided to me his secret plans for world domination. I told him his teachers need to give him more homework, to keep that overactive brain occupied. I finally conceded that if/when he becomes a dictator, I would stay home and bake cookies so he will have them when he comes in from a hard day of conquering. I then asked him to remember how nice I have been to him.

He told me that if nothing else, my death will be quick and painless.

What a guy.

I've Been Tagged

Odat has tagged me in this ongoing meme thing. She tells me I am to post 10 secrets about myself. The thing is, I can't think of anything I haven't already told you guys, but I suppose I will come up with something.

Here goes, not necessarily in the order of importance, I just typed em as they came to me.

1. I can't stand bad spelling. An occasional typo is fine, but bad spelling makes me want to go for the throat. When I got divorced and my ex husband and I started communicating primarily through email, I realized how utterly stupid he truly was. His spelling is atrocious.

2. Nobody in my family knows about this blog except my brother, and he can't remember the address. Some secrets are best kept to yourself.

3. I would be perfectly content to be a hermit and to never have to deal with anyone. I've become a misanthrope.

4. My greatest wish is to buy a house. The ex b/f told me once that the only way I would ever get one is if I marry someone who already has one. He constantly underestimated me.

5. When people know me only superficially they think I'm a bit of a ditz. They are often surprised when they find out I know about a few things after all. This is mostly because I prefer to keep my conversations light and off of the topic of politics and/or religion (other than an occasional rant).

6. At one point in my life I was very very good at sketching animals. I haven't done this in so long now though that I don't think I can do it anymore. I would love to paint with oils and be good at it, but my perspective skills suck.

7. I have one of my daughter's baby sleepers folded up in my underwear drawer, as a reminder of how small she once was. I also have a set of my son's pajamas for the same reason. They don't know this.

8. I used to be a Sunday School teacher, but I haven't attended church now in 8 years. I'm not sure I'll ever go back to church. I fully expect to burn in hell.

9. Kinky Friedman mystery novels are one of my guilty pleasures.

10. If I don't recognize your number when you call me, I won't answer the phone.

Okay I have done my duty. From what I understand I am supposed to tag 2 people to do the same thing, so I am sitting here looking at my blog list and trying to decide who is most likely to cooperate and who hasn't already been tagged....

hmmmm

How about Nihilistic and Mist.

I Love My Lips

There is nothing I could add to make this any better.

The Trees

Part of the reason I moved to this area of Savannah was the trees. They were everywhere and I loved it. (The other part was because it was near the ex b/f, which turned out to be a major wasted effort.) Anyway, the trees made this area so pretty. There were the usual stores and parking areas, but they were mostly surrounded by very large and very pretty trees. Unfortunately, the powers that be (the greedy bastards) have decided that the trees are in the way of them making a few extra bucks, so the trees are quickly becoming a thing of the past. They are being pushed down to make room for more stores, more banks, more more more.

And this area is quickly losing its charm, which was the last reason I had for staying.

I Think I'm in Love

Could someone please finagle me an introduction??

Queen of Everything

My magnets were noticed, and I have been called to the carpet for it. My office partner made magnets of her own (with my expressed permission to touch my label maker) that said she is the princess of other things. She then made magnets that say GO AWAY. Of course I had to add to that and made some that say Make Me.

One of the other secretaries in the office who does not have access to my happy shiny fun label maker is upset because she doesn't have magnets. I think on Monday I am going to use Mist's idea and make one that says that she is jealous of me, and stick it to the fridge in the kitchen.

That oughta liven things up. hehe



P.S.: I never claimed to be mature.

New Toy

I have a labelmaker. Its mine. Its also the one and only one in the office so nobody can use it without my expressed permission, or I will accuse them of grand theft.

Anyway, I bought a new label cartridge for it, but instead of it being stickers, its magnets. I am leaving magnetic messages all over the office about how wonderful I am and how I am the queen of everything.

So far nobody has noticed.

Hank

I have told you about my son, and our Christmas adventures.

I will now tell you another story about my son. When he was about 5 or 6, his dad used to take him crawdad fishing, just for fun. You know, where you wrap a piece of bacon with string and toss it in the creek, and the crawdad grabs hold and starts eating it and forgets to let go when you pull it out of the water. Anyway, they went through a phase where they did that rather regularly. Well one day they came home with a LARGE crawdad, about 3 or 4 inches long. My son announced that he was keeping him and said the crawdad's name is now Hank.

Hank lived in our family for a long time, in a fish tank in my son's room. It was discovered that Hank had a fondness for McDonald's french fries, so everytime my son had some he would save one or two for Hank. Hank came out for family time, he would crawl around the house with my son following behind to make sure it didn't crawl under furniture or something.

One day, my son was carrying Hank around, as was his habit. He brought Hank outside where I was standing on the front porch doing something domestic. Hank was waving his little pinchers around, trying to get my attention. I stuck my finger out, Hank grabbed hold and pinched the everloving shit out of me. I yelped, jerked my hand back, and Hank went FLYING across the porch. My son was livid. He picked Hank up, who had sustained a compound fracture of his body armor in the unexpected flight. My son turned around and accused me of trying to murder Hank.

I tried to deny it, but what could I say, I did send the thing flying across the porch.

Hank eventually returned to normal, the crack healed up and Hank lived a good long time after that. I learned my lesson though. Crawdads are not trustworthy.

I Am Ashamed

(But I laughed anyway.)

Thanks Lea. ;-)

Elmo is The Devil

I always thought Elmo was the most annoying character on Sesame Street. Now I know he's just plain evil. This is the new Elmo toy that has been released. If my kids were small and they asked for this, I would have grounded them for 2 months and taken away their Super Nintendo. The wicked little Elmo worshippers.



One of the comments on You Tube about it was "That fucking thing moves around in my closet when I throw it in there at night. I swear to god, that toy is possesed. I fear for my life :[[[." That made me giggle.

My Ex's New Woman

I have finally received a picture of my ex husband's new girlfriend. I was a little surprised, but really only a little, considering my ex husband. She looks a bit slutty actually.

If you'd like to see, here is the picture. I will concede that she has better legs than me.

Awwwww #2

I heard a great story today. This is the kind of thing I only hear about in passed around emails, but I'm never sure how true or accurate the stories are. This one I heard from someone who was there and witnessed it.

Last night at a local Italian restaurant, there was a group of soldiers just back from Iraq. They were celebrating their return home with a lot of food and a lot of beer. Their tab ran well over $300. When they were ready to pay their bill, they were informed that someone from a neighboring table had already paid their entire tab, including the tip, as a thank you for what they had done in Iraq. They wanted to thank the person, but the generous soul had already left. Nobody knows who he is, except him.

I thought that was a wonderfully generous thing to do. I'm glad to know that people like this do still exist.

Awwww #1

I got a thank you note from the boss today, thanking me for helping him out after his brother (the famous blogger) passed away. He said at the end of the note that he wished I had met his brother, that he would have liked to have seen the two of us go at each other.

I had read his brothers blog for quite a while.. I'm pretty sure that the man would have ripped my head off and spit in the hole if ever I tried to get one up on him. Anyway, he held somewhat of a celebrity status, which would have caused me to be completely tongue tied and shy (shaddup, it happens).

Can't Keep My Thumb Out of Things

As you can see I have been mucking around with the template. You should have seen it earlier (HOLY MOLEY), but I changed it back.

Feel free to offer input/advice. What I like may be offensive to you guys and cause you to have an uncontrollable urge to gouge your own eyes out.

I wouldn't want that (unless you video yourself doing it so I can post it here).

10 Things I Know You Guys Were DYING to Know About Me

1. I cannot be trusted with cookies.

2. I have an out of control adventurous streak and not enough money to feed it.

3. The WRS is the only one I'll listen to (except when it comes to eating fish pakora).

4. I like spiders. I once named a baby one that lived in my bedroom Chuck. But the cat ate him.

5. I'm not afraid of snakes or lizards.

6. I like ketchup on my mashed potatoes.

7. I still haven't unpacked from my vacation to Scotland.

8. I never spend my change. I throw it all in a bucket.

9. I have four (4) clocks in my apartment and none of them are right.

10. I buy wine according to how pretty the bottle is.

There you have it. More proof that I'm crazy (toys in the attic, truly gone fishing).

I Hate When That Happens

I have had this happen to me on occasion. I am not a very good decision maker. I'm glad to see I'm not alone.

Man Psyches Self Out During Selection Of Ice-Cream Flavor
September 18, 2006 | Issue 42•38


TALLAHASSEE, FL—Tallahassee resident Hannibal Grant found himself "paralyzed" by the sheer immensity of ice-cream options available to him at a local Cold Stone Creamery Monday, sources close to Grant report. "I was ready to pick out just one nice flavor of ice cream without second guessing what might be good and what was more of a risk, but there's—they have over fortysomething flavors," said an exasperated Grant, who eventually returned home empty-handed after a self-imposed order-line delay of 26 minutes. "Chocolate cream, mint chocolate-chip, chocolate chunks, white chocolate, just to name a few. And I don't even like chocolate." Grant is expected to recover well enough to return to his job as a research librarian by Friday

Courtesty of The Onion.

I've Gone Feral

I used to be married. Yes I did, at one point, find a man who was naive enough to take me as his bride. That lasted for 17 years. I refer to those days as "my days of domestication," or "back when I was domesticated." That usually brings on an uncomfortable chuckle from the guys. I then go on to point out that I have since then gone feral. After they run to the dictionary to make sure they know what that means, that brings on another uncomfortable chuckle.

Men can be so cute sometimes.

;-)

Blogger Beta

I hate it. I want it to die.

I don't seem to be able to upload images. Oh it gives me a false sense of hope, telling me that my images have been uploaded and that all I need to do is press the "Done" key and life will be wonderful and rosy. Except for the fact that the "Done" key seems to be amongst the missing and never appears.

Maybe its been stolen by pirates!

OMG

Avast Ye Scurvy Dogs!

I'm practicing for Talk Like A Pirate Day.

To start helping us get into the correct frame of mind, I'm posting some helpful nautical terms.

• ASTERN - In back of the boat, opposite of ahead.
• BATTEN DOWN - Secure hatches and loose objects both within the hull and on deck.
• BITTER END - The last part of a rope or chain.The inboard end of the anchor rode.
• BLACKJACK - A pirate flag with a skull or skeleton was referred to as a jolly roger. A black and white jolly roger (used from 1690 onward) was referred to as a blackjack.
• BOOTY - The goods seized from enemy ships in times of war. Other terms are loot, plunder or spoils.
• BOUCAN - The Buccaneers used this knife when they hunted wild pig and oxen on the Islands around Santa Domingo and Jamaica. Boucans came in all sizes and shapes and looked like a cut down cutlass. These knives were primarily used as a utility knife, but could be used in combat to hack or slash an enemy in battle.
• BOUNTY - The reward offered for the capture of a pirate. The person doing the capturing of the wanted pirate is called a bounty hunter.
• BUCCANEER - Buccaneers got their name from the French word boucan which means barbecue. Buccaneers were originally pig and cattle farmers and the term referred to the way they barbecued their meat on grills as taught to them by the local natives. Buccaneer referred to the pirates and privateers who were based out of the West Indies.
• CABIN BOY - A young boy who worked aboard pirate ships as a servant. Many cabin boys made their way aboard ship by being kidnapped by pirates or were runaways looking for a means of escape.
• CAREEN - To clean or repair a pirate ship by beaching it and turning it over on its side. This was the time when pirate ships were most vulnerable to attack.
• CAT O' NINE TAILS - This whip was designed with nine knotted cords fastened to a handle. The name of the whip comes from the scars it left on the backs of the pirates who were flogged with the whip. The marks resembled cat scratches.
• CORSAIR - This term is used for privateers who operated in the Mediterranean. The most famous were the Barbary Corsairs from the Barbary Coast of North Africa (so called by the European crusaders who called their Muslim opponents barbarians) who were authorized by their governments to attack the shipping of Christian countries. The Maltese Corsairs were sent out by Knights of St. John in a religious war against the Turks, but the rewards of privacy soon became more important.
• CUTTHROAT - Someone who robs or plunders at sea or plunders the land from sea without having a commission from a sovereign nation; a ruthless pirate.
• DEAD ASTERN - Directly aft.
• DOLDRUMS - Located between 5 degrees north and 5 degrees south of the equator, the doldrums are a belt of very still air near the equator that stalled sailing ships.
• DOLPHIN - A group of piles driven close together and bound with wire cables into a single structure.
• EBB - A receding current.
• FATHOM - Six feet.
• FLOTSAM - Flotsam is a term for floating remnants of a shipwreck.
• FREEBOOTER - Another name for a pirate or buccaneer, Dutch pirates were known as "vrijbuiters," the word "vrij" meaning free, "buit" meaning loot, and the ending "er" meaning agent. The word "vrijbuiter" eventually morphed into "freebooter" in English and "flibustier" in French.
• FORE-AND-AFT - In a line parallel to the keel.
• FOULED - Any piece of equipment that is jammed or entangled, or dirtied.
• GIBBET - Public gallows used for displaying hanged criminals to the public. It was a custom to display pirates in this way as a warning to would-be pirates entering a city, town or harbor.
• HOLD - A compartment below deck in a large vessel, used solely for carrying cargo.
• JACOBS LADDER - A rope ladder, lowered from the deck, as when pilots or passengers come aboard.
• JETTY - A structure, usually masonry, projecting out from the shore; a jetty may protect a harbor entrance.
• KEEL - The centerline of a boat running fore and aft; the backbone of a vessel.
• KEELHAUL - This was a form of punishment for pirates, which originates from the Dutch and English navies. A sailor was hauled under the keel of a ship, hanging by ropes attached to the yardarms on each side.
• KNOT - A measure of speed equal to one nautical mile (6076 feet) per hour.
• LADE - Put cargo on the pirate ship.
• LAZARETTE - A storage space in a boat's stern area.
• LEE - The side sheltered from the wind.
• LEEWARD - The direction away from the wind. Opposite of windward.
• LETTER OF MARQUE - The papers a government issues to privateers granting permission to attack, take by force and return the goods from enemy merchant ships.
• MOORING - An arrangement for securing a boat to a mooring buoy or a pier.
• MUTINY - When the crew rises against the those in charge of the ship, taking over command.
• NAUTICAL MILE - One minute of latitude; approximately 6076 feet - about 1/8 longer than the statute mile of 5280 feet.
• OUTBOARD - Toward or beyond the boat's sides. A detachable engine mounted on a boat's stern.
• PILLAGE - The act of seizing by force the goods from a merchant ship in time of war. The pillaged goods are referred to as plunder, loot, booty or spoils.
• PIRATE - To raid a merchant ship. Although the terms are often used interchangeably, the difference between a pirate and a privateer is that the privateer was commissioned by a government and the pirate was non-commissioned. (See Privateer)
• PLUNDER - The act of stealing goods from a merchant ship in time of war. The stolen goods are referred to as plunder, loot, booty or spoils.
• PRIVATEER - A privately-owned, armed sea vessel commissioned by a sovereign government to attack and raid the merchant ships of a hostile nation. The term also applies to the ship's owner, its captain or crew.
• QUARTERDECK - This smaller deck located above the main deck is where the officers control the ship.
• RUN - To allow a line to feed freely.
• SALMAGUNDI - A highly-seasoned pirate dish made from available meats or fish.
• SCUPPERS - Drain holes on deck, in the toe rail, or in bulwarks or (with drain pipes) in the deck itself.
• SCURVY - Many sailors on long trips got scurvy, which debilitates and then kills its victims. When the cause of scurvy was determined to be caused by a dietary deficiency in vitamin C, limes which are high in the vitamin were brought along for long voyages. After which, the British sailors who were forced to drink the lime juice in prevention of scurvy became known "limeys."
• SCUTTLE - To sink one's own ship on purpose.
• SQUALL - A sudden, violent wind often accompanied by rain.
• SWABBIE - A swab is type of mop made out of rope-yarns or threads. A person who mopped the decks using the swab was called a swabbie.
• TRANSOM - The stern cross-section of a square sterned boat.
• WINDWARD - Toward the direction from which the wind is coming.
• YAW - To swing or steer off course, as when running with a quartering sea.
  

(Shamelessly looted, pillaged and plundered from this site and this site.

Hmmmm

I was reading the BBC news website today, and saw an article where there had been a tornado in the town the WRS lived in. So I, being me, IM'd him and asked him about the tornado. His response was that yes, there was a tornado, that yes, he had to dodge some limbs on his trek home from work, but that Brits, being Brits, have stiff upper lips and short term memory loss and soon forgot about the tornado and life goes on.

I asked was that a stab at American hysterics.....?

His response was... no no no no no, well yes.

Okay.... BUT... I am from Oklahoma. To people like me, a tornado isn't just a stiff wind that blows down a few tree limbs. It destroys entire cities. If they ever have one like that let's see the stiff upper lip and short term memory loss. I bet we see a few hysterics, as well.

SO HA.

An Old One

I got this in an email years ago and saved it for some reason. Since I am now sharing my office with another person, this seemed very topical (to me anyway).

Reasons for Allowing Drinking at Work
1. It is an incentive to show up.

2. It reduces stress.

3. It leads to more honest communication.

4. It reduces complaints about low pay.

5. It cuts down on hangovers because you can cure hangovers, from the night before, with another drink.

6. Employees tell management what they think, not what they think management wants to hear.

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

8. It encourages car-pooling.

9. It increases job satisfaction because, if you have a bad job, you just don't care.

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

11. It makes fellow employees look better.

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

15. Suddenly, farting during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.

There you have it. I'm convinced.

Talk Like A Pirate Day

I have always had a fascination with pirates.. no idea why. I think I just like their tattoos. Anyway, I found out that September 19th is Talk Like a Pirate Day. I still strive to make sure every post that day will be done in a way that all pirates will be able to relate.

That oughta be interesting.

Sorry for the Lapse

As always there is some screaming drama going on in my life, usually to do with a particular family member that most of you are becoming well familiar with.

I won't go into details but just suffice it to say that it zaps me of all desire to do anything other than to curl up into a fetal ball in the corner and wish for death.

On a brighter note, someone visited my blog from Glasgow and I wanted to say HIIIIIII.. and that I loved it there and I want to come baaaaaaaack. ;-)

I Think.....

Yes, I think I am on the downside of this horrible Scottish disease that I carried home with me. I am, as I type, sitting here having a cocktail of orange juice, Tylenol (extra strength), vitamin C, B Complex, E and a multi-vitamin. If that doesn't kick this sore throat in the ass nothing will.

I think I'll get myself up and going and go walk in the park before work. If we're very lucky there will be something hysterically funny to tell you about afterward.

;-)

September 11, 2001

Today is the 5th anniversary of an event that changed the way we live our lives. Before that day we were a mostly carefree nation, going about our business as if we were untouchable.

We weren't.

I remember where I was the second that it happened, as I'm sure most of us do. I was here, in my apartment, waiting for the maintenance guy because my toilet (of all things) was broken. I was watching Good Morning America, as was my habit, and right at the end they mentioned an explosion at the World Trade Center. They panned the camera over to show the smoke billowing out, and as I was watching, another plane flew into the second tower. It was horrifying. I called the people at work, I called my ex husband, I called the WRS (who was in England and had no idea what was going on). I was glued to the televison, watching the horror unfold. I cried when the towers collapsed because I knew what that meant, that hundreds, if not thousands, of people just died right before my very eyes.

The maintenance guy came and left, and I had no other excuse but to go on to work, but the mood there was subdued. The television played constantly, usually with a group of people around it.

Since that day our lives have revolved more around terrorism and what to do about it, how to avoid it, how to spot it. We seem to live our lives in fear. In some ways the terrorists won on that day.

In Case Anyone is Looking...

I am seriously sick. My throat is sprouting tentacles. My little Scottish cold has escalated into an all out war.

I'll be back when I'm better, if I don't die.

Inappropriate Humor Alert

NYC Unveils 9/11 Memorial Hole

NEW YORK—Days before the fifth anniversary of the destruction of New York's World Trade Center by terrorists, city officials gathered on the site where the Twin Towers once stood to dedicate the newly completed 9/11 Memorial Hole.

"From the wreckage and ashes of the World Trade Center, we have created a recess in the ground befitting the American spirit," said New York Governor George Pataki from a cinderblock-and-plastic-bucket-supported plywood platform near the Hole's precipice. "This vast chasm, dug at the very spot where the gleaming Twin Towers once rose to the sky, is a symbol of what we can accomplish if we work together."

Pataki then cut a ceremonial ribbon to release a giant blue plastic tarpaulin, reportedly the largest of its kind, which fluttered and snapped while slowly settling into the detritus and mud at the bottom of the 70-foot Hole, drawing a long, tired sigh of resignation from the estimated crowd of 50,000 who had assembled to watch and shake their heads.

Brings a tear to the eye, does it not?

Courtesy of The Onion.

How I Spent My Three Day Weekend

Sick.

Coff Coff.

The WRS had a cold/virus when I was over in Scotland... he shared the joy.

Sniffle.

A Message

This message is meant for anyone who has not updated to the new Blogger Beta (Brian J., this means you). I am unable to comment on your blog. A small tidbit of information that Blogger didn't sufficiently inform me about before I updated (either that or I just didn't bother to read the fine print, one or the other).

Anyway, I want you guys to know I am still reading your blog, and sometimes I really REALLY want to comment, but it isn't allowed for now.

:-(

(That is a sad face, seeeee?)

Rocky Horror Picture Show

When I was in Glasgow we happened to go down a street that was filled with Rocky Horror characters. It took a few minutes for it to register what I was seeing, I thought they were all just weirdos. hehe

I knew that as much as I love that movie, you guys would love it just as much (just because I say so), so here are some of the highlights.

I see you shiver with antici ................................ pation.

Dammit Janet



So Brad & Janet decide to go visit their old teacher, the one who was responsible for bringing them together. They have car trouble on the way and go to a nearby house for help.

Time Warp



Obviously Janet isn't in the mood for folk dancing.

Sweet Transvestite



Brad & Janet then allow themselves to be stripped of their wet clothes and taken to the lab to see Frank's new creation. Eddie (Meatloaf) pays a visit......

Hot Patootie



Brad & Janet's old teacher makes an appearance......




After finding out they were having Meatloaf for dinner ((snicker))...

Janet Weiss


Hilarity ensues........

The Floor Show


Frank has to face his punishment for being a moral reprobate.

Going Home


Of course there is more to the story (although not much), but I can't post it ALL here can I? ;-)

Kopi Luwak

I used to hate coffee. Hard to believe now, as much as I drink. (Speaking of which, I had to go make a cup, sorry for the pregnant pause...)

There is one particular type of coffee that I don't think I would be brave enough to try. It is produced in Sumatra. A civit type animal eats the whole coffee bean, and then shits it out, partially digested. The beans are then picked up and processed and ground into coffee. It is supposedly delicious, but I am thinking that I would just as soon do without my coffee than to have to drink something that was shit out by a cat creature.

I just want to know who was the first one who said, "Hey look at what that thing shat out.. lets grind it up and drink it!"

If you are interested in giving it a try, you can get it here.

You would have to be a braver soul than I am.

Good Gawd Almighty. Ignorance abounds in record levels.

Suspicious Liquid On Plane

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. -- Air passengers from Charlotte to Little Rock, Arkansas, had to hurry off their plane Friday after someone found a suspicious liquid on board. The flight landed at Little Rock as scheduled Friday afternoon. But about seven miles before it landed, a crew member reported two passengers with two bottles of liquid. Police, firefighters and the bomb squad were called in, but the liquid turned out to be water.

Police, firefighters and bomb squad?? A teeny bit of an overreaction, wouldn't you think??

Courtesy of Roll

I was cleaning out my email inbox and found this one from Roll. Seems about right, doesn't it.

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.

"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs!"

"Blowjobs!" the woman replied.

"It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true. No more blowjobs for her! She bought the frog. When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.

"What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.

The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is gone."

Lemon Chicken

I saw this recipe for a lemon breast chicken that looked really good. I thought I would share it with others who are forced into the kitchen several times a week. Anyway, here it is:


Ingredients:

1 whole chicken (weight is dependent on how many servings are required)
1 large lemon, cut into halves
sprig of rosemary
salt and pepper to taste
butter or olive oil, whichever you prefer

Heat oven to 350 degrees

Rub butter or oil over the skin of the chicken until it is completely coated.

Take a knife and gently separate the skin from the breast meat; slide lemon halves under the skin with the peel side up. This way the juice from the lemon will coat the breast. Season skin of chicken to your preference; place sprig of rosemary into the chicken. Cover and place in oven for 30-45 minutes. Remove cover and continue to roast until juices run clear, basting every 15-20 minutes, depending on size of the bird.

If you've followed these steps correctly, your chicken should look like the one in the picture. Bon Appetit! (see below...)

Paradise by the Dashboard Lights

One of my all time favorite songs ever.

Hmmmm

I just switched over to the new Blogger Beta thing. It seems a little buggy and it is irreversible (like terminal brain cancer).

I will be playing with it until I get it figured out, so if you see weird happenings on this page, it is probably me. ;-)

The Last One

This was my favorite view of Scotland.

;-)

One More... Ron Mueck

I have one more thing to post about and then I suppose I must get ready for work. While I was in Edinburgh, I happened upon a museum that had an exhibition that I had been hearing about for a long time now. I never thought I would ever get the opportunity to see it, but there it was. I was awestruck, and I stood in the line to go see it.








The exhibit is absolutely amazing. The sculptures are so realistic that you start to feel just a little bit guilty for staring at them. It makes you feel as if you are invading their privacy. The sculpture of the couple laying down was only about a foot long, but the details were so wonderful that you could even see that their toenails needed a trim.

I didn't take these pictures, cameras weren't allowed.

Albannach

These guys were playing in the park at Edinburgh when I was there. I watched them for quite a while, as they are very entertaining. I am hoping to get to see them when they come to the U.S. This video is why my memory card was full, but there was no way I was going to delete it.





P.S.: I bought their CD and drive around Savannah with this stuff blaring. Funny. hehe

Edinburgh At Last

After my adventures finding the museum, I found my way back to the hotel for a well deserved nap. It is exhausting trying to be cultured and stuff.

I slept for a bit and then The WRS came by to pick me up to go eat. We headed to a couple of pubs, the Wetherspoon, which I am told is a chain and not that big of a deal, but I liked it - and I am not sure the name of the other one, Bon Arrow or something like that. I had some Belgium beer which was odd tasting and some Scottish beer which was odd tasting. I probably shouldn't drink beer, seeing as how I don't like it much anyway, but I thought I was in Scotland and that I needed to do what the Scots do. hehe

We then found an Indian Karaoke restaurant. It was loaded with very drunk singers, but we found a quiet corner and ordered some take out and took it to the hotel room to eat.

On to Sunday Morning - -

I woke up feeling adventurous and headed out to find the train station. I was determined to see Edinburgh. I located the train station and got on, pretending I knew what I was doing. I found a seat, and soon found myself surrounded by.. and I hesitate to sound stereotypical here.. but if I were a suspicious type person, I would have called them "terrorists." Sitting next to me, across from me, around me, and they were all together and they were all speaking in tongues and taking loads of pictures. One guy walked by looking for a seat in the middle of all of this and the terrorists leaned together and whispered "American" in an awed type tone. I decided then I was keeping my mouth shut for the entire train trip.

So I blended. At least until I got to Edinburgh and one of the terrorists was polite enough to let me out first. I said, "Thanks!" In my American midwestern with a slight southern twang accent. I have to be at least a little defiant ya know.

Now on with the show........


This is Bothwell Street in Glasgow, it is about 2 blocks down from my hotel.




George Square in Glasgow.




This was my first view of Edinburgh as I came out the door of the train station. I must have looked like a kid in a candy shop, standing there looking around like I was, my mouth hanging open in awed fascination.




This was on the door to one of the attractions in Glasgow. I thought it very funny, and so politically incorrect. If this was on a shop door in the U.S. I can only imagine the offended howls that would take place. It says, "Shop Till You Drop." A riot I tell ya.




Another picture of Edinburgh. I can't remember what it was though, just pretty is all, I suppose.




Edinburgh.




This is a tower that was in the park I was heading to. I took loads of pictures of this, but the Sin City signs below it look a bit out of place.




This is looking up Princess Street. The park is to the right and behind me.




A closer view of the tower. You can go up in the tower and look around, but I didn't do it. I'm scared of heights.




This was taken up in the direction of the Edinburgh castle.


That is all for the pictures, my memory card was full and my battery ran out. I have learned my lesson though, when being a tourist always have an extra memory card and an extra battery. ;-)