WHY????

someone please tell me why i'm stuck here doing what i don't like.. in fact, it's a can't stand doing.. why do i have to sit thru this??

i got totally no idea wad's going on.. and.. i'm honestly quite happy not knowing wad's going on as long as people leave me alone.. haha..

one sentence to describe everything...

business student stuck in an IT course..

argh... i can't stand 3D stuff.. anything to do with 3D at all.. playing games make me go dizzy.. so does watching 3D moveis.. and now.. designing 3D animation n stuff like that.. heh.. sux la..

THE problem....

I think i figured out wad's da problem with life... or with mine anyway... All this pet talk about all my freinds not being good enough for me... about me not being allowed on holidays with friends.. oh.. did i mention girlfriends?? about me not being able to stay at certain friends houses... girls as well.. haven't even gotten over the gal part.. not intending to try asking about guys.. i can hardly stay over at chalets unless there's a chaperon.. i'm not even allowed to go on day shopping trips or chill out trips out of da country with friends.. can't stay out.. die die oso muz come home before 6 in the morning.. what's the difference anyway???

sigh... mom... MY MOM.... i love her to bits... BUT.. there has to be these few things that's a never ending argue between us... and... it's REALLY REALLY annoying... frustrating.. and everything else la...

ok.. in case u never knew, mom always had something to say about my friends.. ALL of them.. from those i'm really close too.. (yes yes.. she found somethings to comment on bout u people.. whether i told u or not, i don't know.. but whateva it is, i love u all to bits too yeah??) literally... ok.. sure she does care.. but it's like... my life... and even if she wants to shelter me.. how long can she do it for?? and.. what happens after she leaves or something like that?? learn the hard way?? or.. if she DOES continue sheltering me... how does she expect me to learn bout stuff?? am i gonna stay (in her words...) naive forever??

all along.. she's been worried about me getting hurt.. either by injuring myself.. or emotionally or physically hurt by people.. in particular.. guys... coz her life was... i guess... pretty messed up as well... she hardly approves of the people i go out with.. be it guy or gal.. and.. as for boyfriends.. or people i've been on a date with.. i think she's never approved a single one before.. not that i remember anyway..

i've been brought up... i'd say... in a very supportive environment.. in a way.. some might call spoilt.. but being brought up by just my mom.. i think she did a very good job playing the roles of both parents... and.. adding to that, while we used to stay with my uncle n auntie before in a rather big flat in bishan.. i was the only kid around coz he wasn't married yet.. therefore no kids.. i used to be spoilt rotten... i got everything i wanted... sooner or later anyway.. hmm.. yeah... everything... except a grand piano... that i'm still hoping and wishing for... everything's been.. perfect... yup.. pretty clothes... shoes... and more toys than any gal could ask for.. perfect is definately the word...

BUT.. REALITY CHECK!!!!!

i'm 19.. turning 20... time to join the real world... the world where no one or nothing's perfect.. it's definately not a fairy tale either... shit is almost always happening... ok.. there are times where u're on top of the world.. or.. at least on top of what you've gotta do.. but.. hey.. the fact is, SHIT HAPPENS!! everyone's flawed in one way or another.. that's what makes the world so an interesting place to live in.. everyone's unique... has their own charater.. morals.. attitude... upbringing.. preferences.. some of these people have less disirable characters and personalities than the others.. but nevertheless, still unique.. still special... no one's perfect... a person with a rather high education.. or EQ or IQ... might not be well mannered.. or.. might not have good etiquette.. and a person who's gentlemanly or who's really well mannered.. might not be well educated... bleahx.. but wad difference does it make really???

i've been brought up so that i can support myself.... support my expensive taste in stuff... and my insatiable appetite for nice and gorgeous things... haha.. sure it's expected that the guy should pay for dates.. or.. if we're talking about way in the future.. pay for utilities.. and everyday stuff... but.. that's still pretty much in da future.. too far to think... u think too far n u get a headache.. u don't think at all.. u got no idea where u're heading.. ironic ain't it?? ok.. wad i'm trying to say is that.. sure a guy must pay.. but... not all da time rite?? that's a lil too much i'd think... and so wad if he can satisfy u financially?? u're there all the time for him if he does.. coz u know he's ur walking atm.. but... he may not always be there to support u.. and knowing guys.. may not be able to tell when u need da support da most... sigh.. i know she doesn't want any guy to end off living off me... so ya.. sigh...

is he really that bad??
do perfect guys exist??
why's it that all my friends kind of approve and she's da only one who doesn't?? esp when most of them agreed with her that i should have wasted my time on the previous.. (sorry if i'm being blunt..)
haha.. will i stay single in da future n become a nun?? haha..

haha.. about the overseas stuff... haha.. i think she's more afraid that i'll be up to no good.. as in the whole.. sexual intimacy thing... den end up pregnant.. haha.. but with my girlfriends?!?! o_0 i wonder how that's possible.... and even so.. wad makes her think that if i really wanna be up to no good, i can't do it in s'pore?!?!? really makes u wonder doesn't it??

and if i say i wanna stay at chalets or over at a friend's place.. she'll go.. "why?? u don't have ur own home isid?? ur bed not comfortable enough arh??" it's like.. com'on... it's just for the sake of hanging out.. chilling out.. bitching... having fun... chatting... not like we're doing anything illegal... as for having friends over at my place... she's like... "they don't have a house??? but.. i guess it beats u going over to their place.." like.. HELLO! reality check.. i DON'T have my own room... and.. seriously.. my mom scares the shit out of most pple... doesn't she?!?!?!?! haha.. everyone's more or less scared shitless... and... not enough space la.. den becoz grand sleeps with da door open.. cannot make much noise.. where's the fun in that???

sigh.. at this rate.. even when i turn 21.. i'm not sure if i'll be able to take short trips with friends.. it's like.. so fun la... now i can only dream of that.. while hearing friends say they went to genting for a wkend.. or.. hk... or.. somewhere.. anywhere in m'sia... or.. bintan.. or batam.. or wadeva works la.. sounds so fun... such a nice time to enjoy with friends.. oh well... guess i gotta be content with wad i have for now...

dunno bout da r/s though..

Tertiary Fling 3 n everything else

last nite was fun... jam packed.. but.. at least i had a table... n we had a place to plonk ourselves last nite.. we had a small personal section for dancing coz of where we were.. haha.. so many familiar faces.. so many people... so crowded.. but.. so fun!!! haha... thank god i enjoyed last nite betta than TF2..

in class now.. juz completed project.. haven't slept since last nite... falling asleep.. tired... haha.. panda eyes.. but not visible... da wonders of make up.. haha.. and.. i still got a dinner to attend later.... like... dots..... hahahahahahahahaha....

whee!!!! oh well... catch ya soon!!

titleless

it's a tues.. it's my longest day in school... not to mention one of da most boring as well.. but i guess it's just school.. as for me, i'm down with a bug and resting at home.. mc.. haha.. hopefully i get betta for thurs nite's party.. Tertiary Fling 3.. woohoo! it's gonna be fun..

there's this thing with da babies n me.. haha.. esp eileen.. in ICT.. she seems to know everybody.. with every turn she takes, she'll definately have someone to say hi or to catch up with.. haha.. and they say the same thing bout me... but.. ICT not my area.. da rest of da school is... =x haha.. ok la.. but to me, da number of people she bumps into still outnumbers da people i meet hands down.. haha.. oh well..

oh well.. da rest of my mind's a blank.. i'll fill u in when i eventually remember.. or.. have something else to tell ya.. haha..

Hello Bollywood!!!

This sem... hmm.. wad can i say... really feel like i've been thrown into a bollywood movie.. reason being... 3 of my 5 lecturers teaching da main IT modules are Indians... (not that i'm racist or anything... coz i love both nell, geets and kesh.. haha.. forgive me if i missed u out... brain not working...) they speak with their usual indian accent.. heh... understandable la.. but still............. argh...... haha...

adding to all that, i should also say that.. wad's with the govt?? why are they bringing in "genius-es" in their specific fields to come in to S'pore to teach?? specialists may be good at what they do.. but it doesn't necessarily mean that they an communicate their ideas to others in a good, clear and understandable way... really feel that they should be stricter on who they allow in to teach.. there's really no point if your lecturer so called "talks to him/herself" instead of making sure people understand wad they're talking about..

whether u choose to believe it or not, it's facts... people who are good in their field of work might not be able to teach.. and... some people who can communicate ideas (aka teach) properly.. might not be in the upper percentile of wad they do..

life's like that.. u might not know much from the start.. but when given the chance to teach others, u learn more than u actually will if u juz spend time studying by urself...

on the more personal side, can't wait to get out of school.. wanna go into business... like.. marketing.. PR.. events.. and stuff like that... wanna get out of IT.... heh...

Ghetto Fabulous @ Attica Too

Hey people..

GHETTO FABULOUS @ Attica Too

Attica presents the launch of weekly Thursday’s - GHETTO FABULOUS featuring the infamous duo DJ KoFlow and Emcee Garuda bringing their unique blend of Hip Hop and R&B, Crunk, Hyphy, Ragga, Dancehall, Funk and Reggaeton. It will be a night for all Hip Hop enthusiasts, from the GHETTO to the FABULOUS!

Venue: Attica Too
Date: Starting 9th Nov, Every Thursday 2006
Cover Charge: $12 (incl 1 drink) after 11pm
Whosgoing Complimentary Entry: 9pm – 11pm

Having only begun DJing in 2001, DJ KoFlow already has an impressive list of accolades to his name, including Singapore DMC Champion 2003 and Heineken Thirst Singapore 2005. Recognized for his distinctive ability and versatility, DJ KoFlow has played opening acts for international artists such as Missy Elliot and The Black Eyed Peas. An influencial figure on the local scene, his dedication hs earned him international gigs in Hong Kong, San Francisco and London.

~ Complimentary Entry By Invite Only ~"Free entry only through ticket Invitation from Ambassadors"

Those who want tix.. pls drop me comment at da end of this post... i'll add u to my list.. i've got 20 tix... come on pple!!

1) Me
2) Helmi
3) Ridzuwan
4) Bennett
5) Nell
6) Geets*
7) Mel*
8) Kay*
9) Kathleen*
10)Sabrina*
11)
12)
13)
14)
15)
16)
17)
18)
19)
20)

* = tbc

yup.. do add on yeah? love ya!

The human mind n body.. heh..

very tricky... very indecisive... and also... very human.. haha...

it's amazing how some people's self centeredness can overall all kinds of proper thinking... heh... long story... dun really wanna talk about it... otherwise.. i might just have to kill u.. haha..

besides that.. it's also amazing how some people's dreams can be instantly smashed and then a moment later... ok.. it's more like.. a day later.. be put back together and haf the dream become a reality...

and it's also amazing how some are so tired that they have no more will power to fight for anything... heh... i'm being very vague aren't i?? haha.. i don't care... not gonna fill anyone in.. if u know wad's going on, u'll know.. if u don't know.. u don't need to know...

haha.. the whole bunch of stuff plus hormones... heh.. tired la... really really really really tired... stupid time of the month shit.. otherwise it won't be that bad... heh.. i just wanna take a break.. sit down... and do nothing over a good cuppa.. haha...

Pissed off... and... rather depressed...

maybe it's just me... or.. it might be a fact as well... it's like.. everytime i come back to NP for a term or something to that effect... i get depressed over something... heh.. or... should i say... i hit just another hurdle in life...

2 sems ago... it was relationship problems... now.. it's club problems.. and well.. relationship problems to some extent... haha.. da relationship last time was da BGR sort.. now.. i think it's more on da friendship sorts... i'm not surprised la...

maybe it's just me.. or... maybe it's da way they've been brought up... i don't know.. i find nothing wrong in wad i'm doing..

ok... so here's da info straight from da horse's mouth.. i'm attached... i've got a malay boyfriend... heh.. happy?? but... NO... i am NOT converting... nv eva... anyway, i'm happy.. so u should be too...

i know most have found out.. but chose not to say anything... doesn't matter that u're waiting for me to tell u.. or... u don't wanna hear da truth... i don't know.. at da moment, can't be bothered either...

i'm not lost.. i'm not confused, but honestly, i don't see the point anymore... heh... dun give a shit anymore..

anyway, as for da club side.. yeah.. like i've definately mentioned somewhere b4... i'm tired.. it's not easy running da club by myself esp when u've gotta chase after so many people.. of which more than half love procrastinating...

argh.. so pissed off.. i wanna step down.... step down as in.. totally not give a shit bout wad happens.. about whether u people have gotten da work done.. or not... can't really give a shit no more....

heh.. maybe i'm juz tired..

Prejudice, discrimination, social status, ranks, positions, responsibilities and wad nots..

it's kind of frustrating being in leadership positions.. ok.. who am i kidding.. you get screwed for the slightest mistake.. by ur superiors... as well as those under u... heh... ok.. so those under u don't really screw u.. but.. they ask the dumbest questions... like.. hello... read da black and white print la... u're not fucking educated for nothing... it's singapore education sommore... like pls.. ur intelligence level should be higher than that... heh..

to my bowlers, welcome to the real world.. if u dun wanna loose out, u gotta move fast... and catch up with the world... da world doesn't wait for you... eva heard of da saying time and tide waits for no man??

hmm.. da IS class i'm taking now really brings in a whole new perspective.. hmm... wrong wrong.. not quite new perspective.. it just makes some things so obvious.. as in.. this right under ur noses that you'd normally take for granted.. or miss out.. or.. in fact, it's just been a part of society.. racism and discrimination.. sensitive subject.. and even though singapore's known as multi racial and all that.. i think there are still a lot of people out there who discriminate against each other.. also a lot of stereotyping.. come to think about it, it's actually quite sad... as in.. da way people judge other people by first impressions... by their "race".. which by the way.. the word was also created to discriminate different people in terms of where they come from, their habits n lifestyles and all...

hmm.. to me, everyone's special in their own way.. hope i've made u feel special in one way or another... no one's da same.. everyone's different... and.. everyone's human as well..

aiyah.. still so frustrated..
gonna turn in.. got training tmr at 8..
ciao...

second wk of school... and da festivities...

ok.. it's da second wk of school.. i'm sitting here listening to my lecturer... it's ok la... kind of e-commerce kind of lecture.. haha...

hmm... a wk's passed... seen all my lecturers... know wad's i should be expecting in this last final semester.. deepavali's over.. (my sincere apologies to kesh for not turning up on sunday..) had a movie and makan outing with all my clubbing kaki... hari raya's over as well.. yup..

haha.. dun feel like saying much.. only that.. i'm NOT converting.. i might look malay too.. but I'M NOT.. haha.. and.. i'm not getting married anytime soon..

oh.. did i mention i got a stomach upset after all da good food?? too much curry.. i'm thinking it's da coconut... haha.. pedas la.. but bagus sial.. haha..

some pics...

a group pic from da movie/makan session..



hari raya visitation pics..

finally some life... here...

haha... i think this is way overdue.. it's been almost a month since my last update... haha.. can't even remember wad's existing on my blog.. anyway, there seems to be so much to update ya all about.. haha.. not that there's nothing happening in my life.. juz that.. really really lazy to updates... so... now that i'm back in school.. haha... i guess there'll be quite a few posts in the months to come.. haha.. same thing... different sem..

ok.. school.. haha.. really miss being in school actually... good to be back.. juz that... feel so old now... it felt like just yesterdae that i was a freshman.. now senior liao.. heh.. been "crowned" as "da jie da" oso.. haha.. this sem.. got 5 core modules.. 2 inter disciplinary.. haha.. if u ask me.. that's a lot la... i think out of da 7.. got 2 events... haha.. NP is still hilarious i tell u.. dunno how they ask me to take advance animation when i din even pass my basic.. haha.. besides that.. doing audio video fundamentals & editing, e commerce applications development, supply chain management, user experience design.. and for da interdisciplinary thingys.. got something like world issues: singapore perspective and events communication... haha.. that's a mouth full juz to say la.. heh... imagine i gotta sit thru da classes... hmm.. this sem... kind of regretting not passing my basic.. otherwise this sem would be so relaxed la.. but becoz i din... i got class from like... 12-5, 9-6, 9-3, 1-6, 1-5 respectively from mon to fri.. heh.. my friend's days are shorter coz they got 1 less module.. heh.. ok.. enough ranting bout school.. oh.. last sem.. my mentor.. aka teacher in charge.. left da school and we've got a new one.. haha.. ang moh.. haven't met him yet though.. whole class is quite thrilled coz da previous one was seriously... CMI... haha... yup.. plenty of changes in school.. from surroundings.. to bus stop.. to... people.. and da things people wear as well.. quite farnie.. haha...

ok.. next thing.. bowling... sigh.. really quite tired here... not that i don't enjoy bowling and da company of all of ya... juz tired la.. heh... oh... lost my vice president as well.. so.. running solo.. sad... but.. no choice... uh... am i really supposed to tear up ur colours cert?? besides that... i think i shall start looking for da new comm liao... about time i retire.. heh.. done my fair share of stuff for da club.. oh.. POL-ITE games coming up... 11 NOV... yishun safra... do come down n watch.. yarp...

clubbing.. hmm... well, it hasn't stopped.. but i think it shall become less frequent.. need to finish up my last sem here.. heh.. and make sure it doesn't stretch any longer... hmm... really miss momo... MoS.. had quite enough.. zouk.. haven't been back for a long time.. yarp... hmm... oh... if anyone's interested in free parties.. feel free to go to www.whosgoing.sg go sign up and register.. and.. add me as a friend as well..

ok.. leaving class soon... ciao... juz survived a 3 hr class.... normal's supposed to be 4 la.. dunno how to tahan... indian lecturer with quite a strong accent as well..

Updates and random thoughts

ok.. in da past wk or so... i've changed my phone.. haha.. using LG chocolate.. haha.. sho sho chio!!! haha.. not too bad la.. everyone complaining too sensitive.. but i think it's juz fine.. except that the buttons aren't defined.. and therefore, u end up pressing da wrong buttons sometimes.. haha.. oh... wad else arh.. hmm.. i got a new bowling ball!!! haha.. yay!! infinite one... sho shiok! haha..

oh.. went for bryan soh's birthday party at MoS... haha.. i think i broke my record la... twice a wk to the same club.. haha.. getting quite bored of MoS already... and.. da drinks sometimes cannot make it oso... haha.. anyway, that day was quite fun la... his parents were there too... met up with a few old friends.. got to know a few new friends as well.. got more contacts.. *grinz*

besides that.. this wk... well, has been pretty ok... been bowling the wk away.. kind of in da midst of da school team selections... been playing 6 games for 3 days this wk.. haha.. gonna bowl a fourth day on monday.. haha.. ok.. so i'm mad.. so sue me.. haha.. trying to pull my average up.. hmm... lane conditions were tough.. and... of all days to go back to help my company run an event... it had to be the day when the lanes were damn easy to play on... like... ah!!!! how can??? den da day after... lane conditions changed so drastically.. that everyone crashed.. needless to say... i did too.. heh..

anyway, random thoughts...

thru da wk... saw a few nice gorgeous cars... haha.. and realised again that... (no offence) but.. ugly people drive pretty cars... and.. for most cases, small people drive big cars.. and big people drive small cars... haha..

den.. mrt rides are actually quite fun.. haha.. u get to people watch... haha.. there are people like the sleepers.. the stoners... the pretenders... the people who kiasi... the posers... haha.. stuff like that.. oh.. and also.. da K-Pos.. like.. me.. haha.. *shrugx* anyway, i've gotta catch some sleep.. gonna apply for HSBC credit card tmr morning with my mommy... (sub card... like duh.. and.. no.. not that shiok.. i still gotta pay for wadeva i sign for.. so yeah... dun think u all haf comments there..)

k la.. nitez!

Party like there's no tmr!!

woohoo!! i've been free for da past 2 wks... and.. it's been great!!! really relaxing and all.. fun... free.. ok.. not so free... it's been happening... haha.. ok... highlights...

starting from da wk after my birthday, which was... 3 wks before.. hmm.. has it been that long?? nono.. ok.. let's be specific.. starting from the 8th to the 16th, clubbed 5 times... haha.. ok.. i know that's a lot.. but on the bright side, i really didn't drink that much.. max 2 glasses a nite i think.. the rest was juz dancing.. and meeting people.. haha.. ok.. yeah.. but it was quite an achievement.. only spent 32.50 on those 5 trips.. and.. there's only 1 wednesday ladies nite.. haha..

hmm... on da 8th.. went to momo with chloe.. had 2 drinks.. den.. was juz dancing n meeting peeps..

on da 9th.. ezra n roxan's wedding.. after that.. went to gotham penthouse... hmm.. that place arh?? a lot of indians.. as in like.. half da population there i think.. that's da rough estimation la... but yeah.. my relatives managed to get a private room... was there from about 12 plus 1 onwards... da younger ones... mostly under 40... all left the place by about 2.30.. 3am.. went home.. tired.. and not much to do with relatives.. haha.. da older peeps apparently stayed til 4 plus 5... haha.. ok.. den.. after that.. da following wednesdae..

13th... went to bumble bee.. ladies nite there.. was there with geets, mel, chloe.. den.. after geets and mel left, chloe bumped into a few friends.. and we ended up staying there instead of going to MoS like we originally planned.. was there til about 3... oh.. bennett joined us at about 1 plus.. haha.. ok la.. quite quiet... and.. yeah.. didn't get picked up that nite.. which was good.. haha..

den fri... 15th.. celebrated chantel's birthday at MoS... was kind of boring.. and da songs at smoove seriously can't be compared to thur's smoove at main.. haha.. we got kind of bored.. and da place was packed... (as usual..) walked in and out.. to 7-11... ran off to china one for awhile... i'm sorry.. my apologies to those who were looking for me.. =x that place's not bad... haha.. esp when i've made friends with most of da bar people thru another friend.. haha.. they're fun people to hang out with..

and.. sat.. da 16th.. wanted to go to dbl O.. but.. too crowded.. so.. decided i'd give hard rock a try... den.. after getting to the orchard parade area, walked around a bit.. (that place quite scary) den decided to settle for devils bar coz they close later.. haha.. hmm.. da music there at first was horrid.. not my type la... i'm not much of a techno person.. gimme my r&b, hip hop, pop and top 40s.. haha.. listened to the live band.. not too bad.. den.. started dancing again.. after that, went back to the dance floor.. finally... some r&b n pop.. haha.. but den.. at that time of da nite, the fights started as well... so yeah.. not that fun either.. heh.. so.. left at about 3 plus 4... went home.. crashed out.. haha.. oh.. did i mention i wasn't really feeling well?? haha..

after that long stretch, down with a flu and a cough.. haha.. thankfully no fever though.. so... been resting.. but.. been sleeping late.. as in like.. at 3 plus 4 in da morning.. playing game.. =x haha.. waking up late.. den.. going out.. meeting up and catching up with people... quite cool.. this wk.. met up with roosevelt... shaun... nell... uh... i think i spent most of it sleeping and slacking in front of the tv... oops.. haha.. but yeah.. managed to train a bit as well.. which is good..

supposed to be at cube on tues.. but decided to rest... (had free tix for that nite)... den.. supposed to go to MoS on wed.. (had free passes and drinks as well...) gave it a miss again.. thurs.. haha.. an eventful thurs... haha.. met nell... den.. went to bowl.. (cannot la.. impossible to go hang around at da alley and not bowl... hand super itchy.. haha..) bowled 1 or.. 2 games.. can't remember.. oh.. 2... den.. went to MoS... with my cousins... chloe.. and wye meng aka cheryl... she brought a date too.. haha.. farnie la.. nvm.. shall not elaborate here... den... sabaran joined us after he finished work... haha.. met up with this group of guys.. haha.. they (or at least one of them) thought that the 3 of us were ABC... (american born chinese..) haha.. personally, i think he's had one too many drinks.. but he was.. infact.. quite sober.. so.. maybe it's da lighting.. haha.. oh well.. they were a fun bunch.. the music was good.. and.. haha.. i still dun like guys who try to pick girls up with cheesy pick up lines.. haha.. but.. ok la.. some form of encouragement on da looks side.. haha..

oh... bennett.. u're gonna kill me for this.. but... I GOT NO IDEA WHY ALL DA GALS IN MY FAMILY ARE HOT!!! hahahahahhahahahahahahaha... =p we can't help it... =x

long awaited break's finally here!!

It's been a really good week so far... NO WORK!!!!! haha... haven't had a break for so long.. i've almost forgotten how good it is to sleep til the late hrs of the day... get up not having to worry about any work.. and.. all that's on da agenda's either to meet up with friends or... get the few things i hafta get done.. done.. hehe..

that's about all i wanna say coz i'm gonna leave in awhile.. gotta go get ready... ciao!

Can't take it no more

Suddenly going back to the mood which seems so familiar yet so distant..
Don't exactly know why either.. maybe it's guys.. but.. i'm not the type to get depressed over such a topic..
Feel like giving up on everything.. Job.. Studies.. Bowling.. the bowling club.. friends.. yes.. friends..
argh.. I need a break.. need on really really badly..
wanna go shopping for a really really nice pair of shoes too.. just that that'd cost at least $150..
can't afford the good stuff.. not getting any good things in life too.. okok.. there are exceptions..
don't wanna talk no more either..
the end it shall be..

The aftermath...

I've survived a pretty long week... week was busy n quite havoc... had friends who needed me.. stuff like that... and of course.. the wild and havoc... but still quite normal birthday weekend.. the events that have taken place have been countless... and i think.. will still be endless..

hmm... fri nite.. had loads of fun.. a big thank you to all those who were there... my bowling peeps, my church friends and my other friends too... to be specific.. hp, bennett, geets, mel, nell, benji, jia hao, bryan ho, bryan soh, ivan koh, alpha, esta, andrew, daniel, sabaran, lala, kenneth.. u guys rock... but... heh.. nv take picture with me.. haha.. oh.. and remind me not to be a dumb dumb nxt time.. and actually keep my camera on me.. haha..

besides that... a big thank you to those who remembered.. jenna.. precella.. edwin(not like u read my blog.. at least i think u don't..) wj... shaun... elfie... alicia... alicia... clarence.. ben ho... tony.. rooster.. yanni... i think that's all of u who msg-ed...

a big thank you to leong n drew oso for da pressie... no worries there.. sure will use wan.. haha... alpha for the time taken to stitch that piece up... for rooster's pressie.. and shaun as well... for the present that's gonna be mine after ur pay day.. haha.. da rest dun need to find out wad they bought.. haha.. hmm... oh... a bit thank you to all those who bought the 2 cakes for me.. i think one was from the club and da other was from uncle richard and auntie suzie.. thanks to derek n deone for the pressie as well... :)

hmm... wad can i add in??? hmm... let's see.. how bout.. thanks for smashing cake in my face... haha..

haha... 19 liao... nxt yr gonna hit da big 2... :'( dun wanna turn 20.. haha.. ok.. nvm.. still got one whole yr of bliss to enjoy... well, at least i'm not as bad as saleha... beginning of this yr already going "i dun wanna turn 20"...

besides that.. was with a friend... actually, shaun to be specific... yes.. he is a close friend of mine.. hmm... oh.. yeah... he was juz observing juz now after lunch.. when we were leaving golden shoe.. after we'd walked a safe distance.. he suddenly asked me if i realise that almost all the guys at every table turns their heads when i walk pass.. haha.. honestly, i didn't realise.. and it really didn't bother me either.. but yeah.. quite cute la.. haha.. den he was saying that it was most likely coz of my height... haha.. hmm.. yes.. i am tall.. but.. i've seen taller in the CBD area... even without heels... haha..

k la.. mind's a blank.. think i shall stop typing here... ciao...

I hate myself for being me...

really... i do.. it's like... i can never bring myself to do the things i want... but always do stuff for the good of others.. or.. when the others ask.. NO... is a word that i really ought to learn how to use... especially when it comes to my own well being...

sometimes i feel like i've lost the spark i used to have in being strong and indepedent... da i dun give a shit type of attitude... the.. i dun bow down to anyone type of shit.. for this situation, i wish this was so...

i'm not gonna go into detail coz i juz might get shot down by that person.. so yeah..

i also got no idea why i've been brought up so independant... kind of sux... but ya.. not so bad now i guess... more people have seen the vulnerable side of me i guess..

there's only so much i can take... i kind of really want a break.. but.. i dun think i can really afford it.. heh..

dunno la.. we'll have to see about stuff...

getting through this week is proving to be tougher than i expected.

Birthday's coming...

and.. dun really wanna turn da year older.. haha... but oh well.. it's life.. haha...

anyway... this yr... haha.. gonna party with everyone at MoS... anyone wants to come?? anyway.. as for pressies.. this yr... i think i'd appreciate it more if i got cash... =X that would mean being able to get enough (i hope) for my bowling ball.. and other things if got spare.. haha.. sigh.. so broke... haha... k la.. lazy to update...

if u wanna come, call me for details yeah?

cheers!

It's been awhile..

somethings have been sorted out.. other things.. are still in a mess... but bottom line is that guys are pervs... heh.. but yeah.. still.. i can't thank God enough for the friends i have around me...

on the other hand.. bithday's coming.. but.. i dun feel like doing anything... feel like cancelling all my plans for next wk... it's so... bleahx... juz can't be bothered to plan my own party... and my dear friend geets... sigh.. juz had to kenna chicken pox... sigh.. poor gal...

aiyah.. i oso dun feel like updating la. heh..

ok.. this is one post u peeps will haf to comment on...

ok.. this is not about my life.. well, in a way, it is la.. but.. hmm... k.. stop beating around da bush..

i've got an invite from MoS... more like a package thingy for my birthday... can be used 2 wks b4.. til 2 wks after... so.. i was thinking more like.. sometime during da first 2 wks of sept... anyone wants to come??

ok.. the deal is that we can choose da preferred place we want.. whether main, pure, smoove or 54 ... we get 2 bottles housepour spirits... 1 bottle of champange... 12 sex on da beach shooters.. 1 table... and cover waived for 8... yup.. think that's about it.. hmm.. but quite a lot liao.. everything above.. costs... $380 bucks... which is not too bad.. considering u'd probably haf to pay around 20-25 cover... only inclusive of a drink... haha.. so ya.. was thinking... whoever wants to go, we split da cost...

it'll kind of be a birthday thing la.. but.. dun think i wanna go there on da actual nite.. will probably be somewhere else.. haha..

if u wanna come.. or are interested, juz leave a comment la.. if u're not... den.. nvm... dun need to say anything...

k.. time for bed.. ciao!

declaration

As of today, I declare myself...

Officially broke!! haha.. okok.. sure.. blame it on da clubbing.. but.. i swear out of the 3 times i've clubbed this month, spent only 28 for drinks on 2 nights... and.. entry for tony.. another 28... and da other round... hmm... spent about 30 plus on drinks oso... on top of that, cannot wake up in da morning.. so.. i think a lot of my cash goes to cab rides.. which is also freaking expensive... on the other hand... i also pay for most of my meals out... (hardly at home..) which means.. lunch and dinners... and let me remind u... most in town area... coz i work in town... -_-" yeah.. besides that.. lately.. been buying my own toiletries.. and on top of that.. i top up and pay for my own EZ link stuffy... sigh.. everything costs so much.. if only it were easier to make the same amount of money that i spend.. life would be so much easier la.. haha.. ah!! i dunno how people can be happy with just earning enough for their necessities...

anyway... hate it when all my things decide to break down on me at da same time... it's like.. so wad.. even if i get money for my birthday, i'll probably still spend it all on the things i need... -_-" so frustrating.. like da last time i asked dad for money.. it was for upkeeping myself with the bare basics for da rest of da month when i actually asked him for money to go shopping.. argh.. so annoying rite?? haha.. k la.. going off now.. oh.. and incase u're wondering why i'm not online at nite, i refuse to bring my laptop home.. haha.. lazy to carry... hehe... oh well.. tata...

Cr/\z|n3sS

well... ok.. life now... workaholic... going in to the office everyday... getting paid peanuts... stressing myself out for nothing... bringing work home... home?? did i mention home?? hah! more like.. chilling out everynite after work... pouring myself into bed at 5 in the morning... haven't been home for like.. hmm... da whole week... staying at a friend's house... going to work all zombiefied... oh.. did i mention chilling to the point i'm super high... almost to the point where i get drunk?? hmm... different guys... many many guys... many girlfriends too.. fun thru the nite... and.. getting over the hangover with a can of beer in the morning... 1 hr power naps... hmm... gambling while drinking... in the front seat of a friend who drives... hmm.... wad else???

haha.. did i scare u?? did i? did i??

k la.. i'm not as insane as u think.. i've definately still got my sanity.... life arh... hmm...

ok.. so i might get home a lil late nowadays.. like... i think... 11.30pm on mon... 4am on tues... 1am on wed... and 12.45am on thurs... (or tonite la) but.. no.. i'm still not crazy.. monday was training... tues.. hmm.. k la.. went clubbing... wed... was juz sitting around with friends.. chatting.. talking cock.. having a real good time... and.. thurs... a bit of mahjong... @ tony's place... tarot cards... a big NONO... guys... well... struck three of them of my list... not worth my time... so.. yeah..
3 dates cancelled...
one.. too last minute.. it's like.. dun expect me to keep waiting.. and.. once u call, waste no time meeting up... u wanna go out.. u blardy hell ask in advance.. and.. not disappear til last minute...
two.. farking hell.. supposed to meet me.. den try to avoid quarreling with ur parents and getting urself grounded la... -_-" and even so.. after giving u another chance... pls juz give me a frigging msg if there're change of plans...
three.. do not... i repeat... DO NOT think of getting together with me for anything physical... go get a pie or a doll of some sort la... get a life... i might be bitchy... but... yar.. dun test ur luck.. u'll regret it...

but yeah.. this wk.. infact... all along, it's been good, clean fun... haha.. lot's of jokes and all.. lots of twisted minds.. haha.. still single and available.. and.. intending to keep it that way... (although sometimes i wish there was someone there la.. but... not so easy.. haha..)

wad i'm trying to say is that life might... i said MIGHT... and also COULD be a lot worse... haha..

..end..

(ps. my apologies if this post has put disturbing thoughts into your mind.. and.. excuse the language as well..)

Reality..............................

gosh... u have absolutely no idea how bad reality gets... it's not merely who can't stand who.. and who can't work with whoeva... it's so much more than that...

money... politics... love... sigh... why did i have to get dragged into it so early?? i think now i've joined the game, there's no turning back... and.. on top of that... i'll probably hafta become a real bitch (although i think some of u already view me as one of the biggest bitches u've come across)

i'm quite mixed up.. lost... feeling rather fucked up as well... wishing i could juz run away from everything...

politics wise.... well, i can play if u want me to... but... i'm also quite tired of that... it's like.. come on... there's probably quite a few people out there after me.. or at least where i'm at la... so tired of trying not to harm anyone... and still putting them in their place... i don't know how much more i can tolerate... i don't exactly wanna ruin anybody's life... not now.. hopefuly.. not ever.. but.. something tells me i may not have a choice...

things are just so different than wad it seems... people who seem good... may or should i say mostly have a different side that hardly anyone sees...

and on top of that.. wad's with guys man?? why all so high sex drive wan?? and.. also.. why when one likes u, u get a whole lot more of them trying to get u?? so sickening.... seriously... hmm.. maybe i should swear off guys manz... hah...

ah!!! i need an output outlet... dunno how much more i can take before i go mad.. help!!

So sick of life...

ok.. so some of my posts may contradict myself.. but den again, that's life la.. nothing ever turns out the way you want...

if you were to be a good guy.. u'd basically get swollowed up by whoever or whatever else.. if u play mean.. it means.. really mean... argh.. sometimes, i hate the real world..

it's kind of the same in every aspect of life.. different kind of the same... heh.. this is complicating ain't it?? anyway, my point is that.. there're so many forks in the road... it's so damn blardy frustrating to choose... can i like.. juz not choose at all and move in a totally different direction...

wad's worst is that i hate it when i've gotta break other peoples heart in the process.. but that's just life.. nothing works out right... and.. in this case.. i dun think i'll be breaking one person's heart... but more like... at least... 5 or 6 people...

gosh... why????

maybe staying single's better... haha...

It's over!!!

yay!!! internship.. OVER! report.. OVER! viva (aka presentation) OVER!! woohoo!! need i say more?? i'm free!!!!!

It's been a long journey...

yeap.. it has definately been quite some time... juz had nothing better to do.. so.. decided to read all my testimonials on friendster.. i realise... that... there were a lot more than i expected.. haha.. from da first one.. that was... a long long time ago... haha.. all so nice!! so many memories... haha.. i think u guys aren't the only ones who are lucky.. i think i'm damn lucky to have so many friends like all of you out there as well.. i got no idea where i'd be without u all... yup... haha.. i'm still grinning from ear to ear after reading everything.. haha.. you all are juz so sweet la... which reminds me... i should really be getting in touch with some old friends again... kind of miss them.. haha.. and for my sec school classmates... i really really really miss all da songs.. haha.. so cute... i remember starting a song off.. den have everyone else around me join in... den... our a maths teacher always thought we'd lost it.. haha..

k la.. that's it for now.. friend juz walked up to me and ask why i start smiling.. haha... thought i was mad.. hehe.. nvm.. i guess i kind of am mad...

life now..

ok.. so you haven't heard from me for more than a week... hmm... well, i've been busy... tired... stressed at work... still in need of a break... BUT... at the same time, i've remembered to have my fun after office hrs... and yeah.. plenty of time to sleep.. or at least.. i dun bring my lappie back during wkdays.. and.. i get about 8 hrs of sleep coz i try to make sure i sleep by 12.. cannot la.. too tired go out oso not fun.. oh boy.. i'm sounding like a typical girl who speaks broken english.. haha..

oh well.. bottom line is that can't complain... coz.. that's life... as for the bowling club, i'm back!! haha.. or at least i'll have a bit more time la.. to make things happen... haha..

as for now.. i'm sitting in church during worship prac.. trying to stomach the first meal of da day.. it's like... 20:40 now.. haha... =p dun bother asking... not telling why... haha..

uh... hmm.. yeah.. been busy la.. haha.. that's about it.. oh.. but all's good... sigh.. dun feel like talking much...

thought for the day... don't depend on anyone for anything.. if you want it bad enough, work for it yourself.. i've given up on hoping for things to happen... haha.. and it is troo that if you want it done right, (or more like.. the way you want it,) you've gotta do things yourself...

k.. enuff from me... back to my food..

tata..

Half the battle won.. =)

haha.. ok.. maybe more than half la.. coz i do understand what i wrote in my report.. or so i think.. haha..

anyway, first things first...

I'M BACK!! haha.. kind of MIA-ed from posting for awhile.. busy busy.. but yeah.. have been chatting ind a comments section la.. just finished da toopid 10000 word report... but with appendix, i managed to hit 14000.. so.. i guess i'm quite safe... oh.. wad did i write about?! haha.. bout the internship stuff i guess.. but i've seriously got no idea what i wrote.. haha.. din bother checking thru...

anyway, wad's left is da silly VIVA presentation... shouldn't be that bad... i think.. haha..

life's been pretty nerdy for da past 2 wks... haha.. wad a way to discribe it.. dunch u think?? hmm.. been doing report since yeah... 2 wks ago.. miss da dance floor terribly again.. haha..

can't wait for the wk to end.. it'll mark da official finish of my 20 wk internship... *phew* thank God it's over.. not that it wasn't fun and enriching and stuff like that.. juz that i tired la... haha.. no time to break.. hmm.. maybe i shall go for a holiday.. haha.. anyone wanna go??

and.. before i end... a big hello to all those reading... *waves frantically* haha.. anyway, do drop me ur comments.. or.. simply a tag on da comment board.. haha.. lazy to put it up... =x sorry.. hehe..

take care all!

Irresistable

ok... so i'm half way thru rushing my report that's supposed to cover 5 months... and is due on monday.. i'm not too far into it.. and i'm still hoping i've got enough to cover the quota..

BUT...

my hand itchy.. i needta blog! haha.. reason being, i can think of so many more places i'd rather be today, tmr and the rest of the weekend.. but... i'm stuck here doing work.. hah..
how i'd love it if i were at MoS tonite.. they've got a good event on.. and i got 2 free passes.. bleahx.. heh..

oh well.. the final countdown... 3.5 days left til the nightmare's more or less over.. haha..

Comments..

haha.. let's juz say i'm quite amused at what's been going on in the comments section.. haha.. it's been a good laugh reading it.. more happening than my bowling forum sial.. haha..

and from whateva was said, it's not much of an ego.. it's just da way i carry myself.. i think.. it's more self-confidence... oh... and... no one's perfect in the world.. and.. i've accepted my flaws... well.. kind of la.. at least i dun whine til the cows come home.. haha..

randomness.. haha

sorry if i haven't been blogging much.. it's just that i realise... there are quite a few thing's i'd prefer to keep to a smaller group of people.. but not to worry.. will fill u in on whateva i can..

it's really so so scary how things change so quickly.. the more obvious things.. it's already like.. july... so scary.. time really flies by quickly.. i'm almost done with my internship.. now dreading the report and presentation part already.. it's amazing how fast the people around you change as well.. or.. maybe it's just me..

but no matter what it is.. or what u go thru, u'll be really lucky to have a friend or 2 around.. and thank God for that.. coz i've actually got a handful.. (or maybe more..) but there are key people la.. hehe..

had dinner with my colleagues last nite at this north indian restaurent at riverwalk... gosh.. da food's so spicy.. such a tough time eating it.. but the naan was nice.. haha.. oh.. after that, they ajourned to clarke quay to look for a place to sit down, drink beer and watch soccer.. were early though.. so.. the beer part started first.. geetz and i stayed for 1 round of drinks.. den after that, walked over to momo for the night.. was quite enjoyable la.. but yeah.. after a wk... same shit la.. too tired to do much.. oh.. adding on to that, all the guys were MIA... soccer... *sighx* haha.. had 2 bouncers around yesterdae.. haha.. k la.. shan't be mean.. had 2 guys who came along.. met up with shenn again.. after like.. i think.. a month.. should be that long since i've been there.. maybe longer in fact.. can't remember no more..

hmm.. oh.. today's highlights.. haha.. slacked away da day.. met up with nell at nite.. gosh.. and i thought i was tired.. she's like.. at least 5 times worse than me la... gal.. don't over work urself.. i repeat... DO NOT overwork... heh.. yeah.. ended up having dinner at harry's... oh.. we bought the harry's card too.. yay! happy!!

k la.. going to bed now.. dun wanna push my luck with the over exhaustion thingy.. last wk was enough already.. haha.. ciaoz!

It's my life!

haha.. shaun was right.. haha.. i am an audiophile.. haha.. for those that dunno wad it means,
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/audiophile check it out!

a very very big thank you to leighton.. i still owe u cash for da system.. haha.. this sweet guy went all da way down to da creative warehouse sale.. and on top of da stuff he bought, he bought my creative inspire T3030 all da way back to church for me!! haha.. thank you!! the sound is SUPERB! good enough anyway.. my room's not that big.. haha.. and.. besides leighton, another big thank you to weijie for recommending it! hee.. =) oh... mommy thinks da sound's good too.. YES! it's that noticable!! haha..

i think i'm spoiling myself when it comes to sound and songs.. haha.. i'm like... slowly getting top of the range stuff.. actually, the only thing left to change is my mp3.. the rest, i'm quite happy without... i've got my 2.1 system.. hmm.. mp3's good actually, just not big enough.. and adding on, it's breaking down on me bit by bit... oh.. btw... benQ laptop sound systems sucks to the core... i thought my ears were playing tricks on me.. but.. the difference when my mp3's plugged in and when my lappie's plugged in is WAY obvious... thot my ears were going.. haha.. oh.. did i mention my fab sennheiser PX 100 headphones??? and... not to forget my MX 500 earphones?? they are DA BOMB! haha.. ok.. yes.. i am a lil obsessed... and.. i really can't live without music.. haha.. as for my aiwa mp3.. it's served me well.. sound's not bad too.. juz that i think i turn it on and off too much.. buttons n all giving way. haha.. oh well..

anyway, i've gotta run... gotta be at hyatt for some office thing tmr at 8am... -_-" gonna sleep on da bus!! haha... ciao!

falling asleep..

haha.. these such posts were long extinct... til now anyway...

it's after lunch.. had a yummy chicken briyani for lunch.. and.. da fruits are in da fridge.. haha.. too full now.. but.. i guess i should eat it now.. helps digestion doesn't it?!? haha..

am still in da office.. yes.. haha.. it's been some time already.. thank goodness it's my last month here.. i need a freaking break.. haha..

oh. did i mention i'm falling asleep?? haha.. oops.. it's da title.. haha.. yup.. lunch too filling.. atmosphere veri nice to sleep... haha.. and not to mention.. tired too...

aiyah.. k la.. gotta attempt to do work...

long week..

ok.. so this is wad happened......

I'M ALIVE!!! *applause* haha.. well, it definately isn't easy working 9-6 den rushing down for a tournament that lasts from 7.30-10.15 around there.. no joke.. very draining.. very tired... nvm.. it's over.. let's not mention things..

wanted to go club.. but.. no energy.. haha.. and gosh.. i really can't hang out too much with bowlers.. it seems to be a past time that u all eat a lot.. and frankly, i'm going broke! haha.. (now's da time to scream for daddy.. haha..) dunno wad's going on with him eihter la.. ask me spend first den he reimburse.. thing is, if i did have da cash, i wouldn't be asking him would i?! haha..

hmm.. finally more or less got da skeleton of da website i'm doing up already.. thank god.. and.. no.. u all wun find out wad website it is.. coz it's a work thing.. heh..

k la.. damn tired.. tata.. til next time..

next wk should be more relaxing.. more or less back to normal.. (or so i hope...)

Suicide...

Waking up early in the morning for a 9-6 job.. and playing a trounament after that.. sounds easy? haha.. i'm like... dying la..

2 days into National Age Group... am DEFINATELY not doing good.. hardly have the time and the energy to practice.. my average is crap... it's really depressing when you can't perform.. another 2 days to go.. hopefully, i won't be the one to crash my doubles partner later on today.. and my team for tmr... the girls team... heh.. can't complain that much la.. nothing fantastic... if we wanna win at POL-ITE games.. we definately have to practice much much much much more.. as for the guys team.. thank God... heh.. don't need to worry too much about them.. quite confident that at least 3 of the 4 will get into this saturday's masters..

as for work, well, not doing that well either.. am so tired.. getting work done at a slightly slower pace.. and on top of that.. the workload's growing too.. sadly.. not at da same slightly slower pace.. although that'd be much appreciated.. well, that's life la.. it never works out the way you want it to...

hmm... even i don't feel good about this week.. it's like... i'm the sort that likes to under perform.. but because of the circumstances, i've got no choice.. i'm not allowed to take leave.. neither can i not play... i don't like not getting work done in the office.. and i also don't like under performing when it comes to bowling.. it's difficult enough i've never played at OCC before this tournament.. argh.. why can't i just stay home and rest??

can't take an mc either coz da only reason i can take a mc for won't allow me to bowl... =( so.. bear with the pain.. bear with the workload.. bear with the lack of sleep.. bear with the hunger.. sigh.. wad else lehx?? oh.. but seriously.. thank God for friends... i think they're the ones who keep me going...

can't wait for the week to be over.. wad's left is work til fri.. NAG doubles tonite, team tmr nite, 10th MDIS Championship sat morning, MCS alumnae meeting.. sat afternoon.. NAG masters final[i won't get in.. but i'll go there to support da others.. hehe.. =) ]

hope i'll survive da week...

Not my day...

today... is.. so... not.. my... day... argh.. heh..

well, got up late... forgot to call office to tell them i'd come in late... umm... da outside was pouring cats and dogs... not fun la... heh.. den come office.. so much work.. and everyone's mood wasn't that good either... heh..

argh.. thank god for starbucks coffee.. but... when i'm in a not so good mood, i've learnt that trainee baristas SHOULDN'T make my coffee.. heh.. only wrecks my day more.. but.. been there.. done that.. know how they feel... so.. i'm not that mean... thank god for whipped cream and chocolate drizzle... hehe... (yes... i know it's fattening... but it's nice..)

was supposed to go bowl tonite at hougang bowl, but cancelled.. don't feel like it.. and.. at da looks of it, won't bowl for doubles on sat either.. hmm.. let's juz say.. haven't been feeling like it..

gosh.. i really need someone to make my day... thank god da day in da office is over.. and i'll be making my way back home in awhile... hoping real hard tmr will be better..

supposed to go for a meeting tmr too.. don't really want to.. wanna go out.. but... budget... and.. kind of still on medication.. shouldn't drink... (not that i really care la.. =x oops.. shouldn't have said that here.. now probably gonna get shot down by many many people..) but i wanna go let loose... go chill with friends... and dance!! haha.. so fun...

thinking about it is cheering me up a lil already... and.. on top of that, what i really wanna do now to get me happier is go shop for pretty shoes.. hahaha... yes yes.. i'm mad... but i'd like more pretty shoes... *puppy eyes* and i think if given a choice through out the year, everyone'd prefer me to buy shoes now during da sale... discounts!! haha.. den i've gotta be a good gal and keep da shoes to wear throughout da year.. haha.. yar rite... okok.. i'll let u in on a secret.. (not that it's much of a secret anyway.. guess i'm a bit mad..) haha.. i've budgeted for a pair of shoes every month!! hahahaha.. so cool dunch u think?!

k la.. enough about me... i'm off!! tata!

My 2 cents worth... and a lil escapade...

ok... a quick post before i go to bed...

caught a lil bit of singapore idol juz now.. eva wonder why it's singapore idol and not singaporean idol? haha.. eva wonder why singapore has SO FEW artiste that make it internationally.. and i'm not talking about asia type of international... i'm talking bout UK and US and everything else.. haha.. like... get a frigging life... da way some of them sing, or maybe... most of them.... haha... i won't pay 60 cents to vote for anyone on the current season... like come on... stop trying to imitate other people and slang or put on a fake accent while singing the song.. coz it's so.... NOT YOU... if you really wanna win da crowd, be who you are... learn from others... but never copy... create your own style... and... on top of that... DO NOT EVA USE YOUR THROAT VOICE!!!! IT SOUNDS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING AND HORRIBLE!!! eww... heh.. enough said for now...

yeah... bout da lil escapade.. haha.. me being me... got bored... and decided to go for a jog and a lil chill out time at bishan park.. haha.. it's so not me to do such a thing.. haven't worked out in ages.. haha.. ok la.. went with raquel... had quite a lot of fun.. talking, crapping, gossiping.. and playing at da fitness corner as well as da playground... =x haha.. good stomach excercise.. haha.. looking forward to gorgeous abs.. haha..

oh.. and.. i bought another pair of shoes too... haha... yay! =)

Today.. (or more like yesterday..) was nice..

the perfect day... haha..

went to bed at 4 plus after doing work.. (yes.. i was doing work...) slept in... til about 3 plus 4 in da afternoon... (yes.. i know i'm a pig too...) woke up... played games... den had a break for a 3 in 1 meal.. (breakfast, lunch and dinner..) den.. back to the games.. haha... of course i wasn't that much of a slacker.. i did settle some bowling stuff in between here and there with other people... haha.. :) so proud of myself.. haha.. k.. i'm mad... den at about 12... started doing work again... hehe.. i'm an owl.. haha.. oh... and not to mention my nice conversations on da phone with 2 guys... haha.. lasted me from about 10 plus til now.. haha...

oh well, off to bed now! tata.. nitez!

Points to note/Points noted

• Life never works out your way..
• You control your own life.. but...
• There are things beyond your control..
• I should party less..
• Try to save..
• Try to get more sleep.. (very impt)
• Stop being a workaholic..
• Build up my wishlist.. (which is really really materialistic)
• stop being lazy and update blog more.. hehe.. rite pple?

argh.. that's all i can think about for da moment.. braindead.. nitez..

Thoughts for the week...

• Babies.. A bundle of joy.. and at the same time, a bundle of heartache... hah! go figure..
• GSS.. hmm... shopping!!!!!! how to get more cash... *think, think, think*

hmm.. come to think about it, haven't been thinking much.. no time.. always busy.. haha.. oh.. which reminds me.. gotta do up da schedule for Brunswick College League... hahahahahaha... and da thing is... i'm not playing!!! haha.. can't really be bothered to travel to 7 different alleys.. but this yr.. playing National Age Group... haha.. gonna be damn stressed.. esp when i've gotta work before playing.. haha..

k la.. crapping alot... oh... going momo on wed nite.... any takers? wun stay too late.. juz wanna bring clarence to listen to da band.. and da dumb thing is that MOS is having a party that very nite... argh... haha

Had a good wkend again.. haha.. clubbing definately seems like something to look forward to... just hang loose.. and chill.. but.. i think i should look for a new place to go to.. 0r... more like.. get more friends to go along... don't get me wrong.. had tons of fun... but.. been to da same place 3 wks in a row... bleahx...

ok.. so.. i thot i had a lil too much to drink.. but... i think it's just da medication hitting my stomach.. coz... i din have anything to drink today.. but... da same feeling's back tonite... so.. can't be da drinks.. haha... aiyah.. that's besides the point..

got so busted.. grandma knows wad time i got home... haha.. and.. on top of that, din sleep that much.. got home by 4.. but couldn't sleep coz had to wake a friend up at 5... and.. had to get up at 7 myself.. haha.. and yes! no headache.. no hang over.. perfectly fine.. haha.. could still have a decent conversation with my mom at 4 anyway.. sigh.. no idea why i'm saying all this now.. and here.. haha.. but... oh well...

Girlfriends?!

haha.. i really ought to get more girlfriends who actually go beyond dinners... all.. and i mean ALL my guy friends are complaining that none of the people i normally hang out with are girls... ok... almost all... especially for clubbing.. i'm like... da only girl... -_-" quite sad sometimes.. but den again, u're da centre of attention... =X not like i really wanna be.. haha..

oh well.. this whole post totally doesn't make sense... haha... but girls.. if u're above 18.. and are reading this.. and wanna go out, pls let me know... haha.. i promise da guys will behave... i hope.. otherwise.. there's always da singapore river... haha.. as for the guys, u've more or less been warned.. haha..

Update!

ok.. here's da latest...

to me, my life is mine.. i do what i want.. when i want.. and.. no matter how bad or how messed up things are, u make the best of it.. it may still be good...

haha.. why i'm saying this.. coz.. as stressed up as i may seem during da week.. i've more or less become quite a party animal.. haha.. love my weekends.. love loud music.. late nights.. dancing.. well.. u get the picture la.. haha.. it's been nice and relaxing.. and to everyone else out there.. don't worry bout me.. i don't get myself drunk... it's totally against my rules.. haha.. juz a lil high sometimes... and.. on top of that.. i've got friends who'll make sure i'm safe.. so.. dun worry too much bout me.. haha.. i think this has been the happiest post in a long time..

oh well.. signing off here!

when i've got time, i'll put up my wishlist.. haha...

phobia

i DETEST banks
i DETEST the press
i DETEST most lawyers

bottom line... i NEVER want anything to do with them after this... and don't ask me why...

and.. if you don't already know this, I MISS SCHOOL LIKE CRAZY!!

politics

to me, a waste of paper on publicity.. i mean.. it's like.. if the people the parties were taking care off were properly taken care of to begin with, why would people have to waste so much time and effort promoting themselves?? wouldn't the people naturally wanna keep their well respected leaders there?

so.. wad's the bottom line... go figure for urself...

but for me, i hate politics... but.. sometimes get stuck in some myself.. not much i think.. haha.. but some la... these type of things can't be helped..

sigh...

ok.. so i'm back after a relatively long time... can't help it... partially no mood, partially no time.. partially.. dunno wad to say.. or... sometimes, cannot say... sigh.. life gets frustrating sometimes.. okok.. who am i kidding... most of da time...

lately... there's just been so many things going on... people pressurizing other people... or... people not bothering when they're supposed to... people hurting people for no reason... people... just being people i guess...

sometimes, i just can't get why i can't stay out late without my mom and grandma kicking up a big fuss... do they really want me to wake up everyday, go to work, and come home straight after that to slack.. or in their terms... fall asleep in front of the tv?? sometimes, i think the government really puts too much into their head... sure bad things happen outside... but.. what they read.. and the chances of it actually happening??? wad are da odds? i know they're concerned.. but maybe.. they're taking it a lil too far?? it's like.. come on la... can't they trust any of my friends?!?! it's as if i'm all alone out there in the world... like... wad bullshit... i think... everyone reading this... hmm... i'm assuming u guys will do anything to the best of ur ability to keep me out of harm's way rite?? sigh... it's really frustrating...

and.. adding on, last time, i used to get.. it's ok.. i don't mind what u do in da future.. as long as u're happy.. now, it's... i really want you to get a uni degree after ur poly education... i'll do all it takes to send u to a varsity... haha.. sometimes, i think it's a real joke.. i got no freaking idea whether i can even make it into one of the overseas ones... talk about singapore... haha.. but.. the point is, nothing i say seems to matter anymore... and.. sad to say, i've kind of pulled back on telling my mom stuff... heard of selective listening, now, it's selective telling too.. heh.. not that i want to, things just seemed to have changed.. she thinks life's fine and dandy... sometimes, i really wonder what's going on in her head.. argh.. frustrating!!! it's sad... but.. i really give up.. it's juz so difficult to communicate sometimes...

da past wk.. been coming home late quite often... coz.. sometimes, gotta settle stuff... others, need to unwind and relax... why can't i come home u ask?!?! coz it simply isn't relaxing... wad's da point.. when i get nagged at almost all the time... and.. i've got no privacy... it's a small house.. i'm not complaining that the house is small.. but the only privacy i get around here is in the toilet.. if i lock da door, i'll have people banging on da door.. asking me to open up.. if i close it, i'll have people peeping in to see wad i'm up to... and... u wonder why i don't like coming home.. heh... can't choose if i wanna sleep outside with my laptop music playing... sigh...

nvm.. anyway, i so cannot go out with the club guys too often... spend a lot the last wk.. totally not cool.. heh..

there're like so many things i need... and.. the dumb thing is that everything breaks down at about da same time.. okok.. so.. it's not that many.. but i would like enough cash for an ipod nano... got lobang.. but.. still a bit short of cash... 500 bucks for attachment ain't much esp when u've gotta survive lunch in raffles place 5 days a wk.. heh... oh.. i remember wad else.. i needta get a new trolley bag for my bowling balls too.. da one i have gone liao.. can't balance properly.. one of the base thingys broke.. sad... and.. i realise i haven't bought a new ball in almost a yr... but.. for that, i'm not complaining yet coz i still got a lot of work to do on my release...

okok.. enough ranting... off to bed now.. nitez...

a new work wk begins...

Do or Die...

At the moment, I'm so sick and tired of everything. Everytime I try to pick myself up, something happens and slams me back down to the ground time and time again. Hardly anything's gone right. Sometimes, I really ask myself what i did to deserve all this crap. And, til now, I honestly don't have the answer.

Ok, so you might be thinking, "Why's this girl so miserable? Can't she just drop what she's doing?" Well, yes, I can drop what I'm doing coz it was a personal choice to take it up in the first place. But, the only reason why I do what I do is because I love it. I'm the type of girl that goes all out to do stuff I'm supposed to. The misery part only comes in when mis-understandings or what knots happen. And come on, let's face it! In reality, shit really happens a lot. Quite safe to say, on a daily basis.

I know a lot of you out there are concerned bout me. And, I thank you for that. Just that, unless I drop dead or should I say, knock out doing something or, you force me to do it by having proved that you yourself can handle it, FAT HOPE of me putting my work aside. I'm sorry. I know i'm stubborn. *shrugx* Can't help it. All in the blood. ;)

But, it would be nice to be treated like a human. And if you think i'm being unreasonable, come and we'll talk it out. I'm a girl who'll do stuff and most of the time, not mention that I've done what I've done. So yeah. Doesn't necessarily mean I just ask people to do stuff.

Yeah yeah. I've heard a whole lot of shit about me having nerves of steel or stuff like that. And yes, it is true that no one has made me cry before. But just because I choose to hold myself together doesn't mean it doesn't hurt inside. I am after all a girl. And depending on the situation, I'd definately like to be treated like one.

I still need a break. haha. Wonder where i can go get one. Preferably out of the country otherwise I'd still do work on the side. Hmm...

I want a hug!!!

i am pissed!! i am way beyond pissed now...

life seems like it's crashing.. no idea how long i can hold on for...
stressed...
i dun really feel as feminine no more... heh...
back got problem...
stomach got problem...
face got breakout coz of stress...
can't go for a manicure coz i do too many things with my hands...
and...
MY FREAKING TOENAILS ARE NOW SO DAMN SHORT I CAN'T EVEN GO FOR A PEDICURE!!! and on top of that, they kind of hurt a lil.. as in.. da exposed skin's a lil "raw" so to speak.. i knew i shouldn't have asked her to do that la.... argh... *sobx*
k la.. can la.. but.. i'll still have to pay more to add in nicely shaped ones coz there's seriously nothing left to shape no more... infact, it's nv been so short since... hmm.. since secondary school?! ah!!!!!!! and to all those who'll say they'll grow back, i freaking know that... but having pretty-ly pedicured nails cheered me up a bit... argh...

forget it la.. wadeva...

wad will turn up right?? ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can't something... anything turn up right???

It's so true...

Recently read on eileen's msn nick.. it's troo that the ones who appear the strongest are the weakest... haha... and.. i seriously can relate to that.. and i think most of u that read my blog on a regular basis and also know the me that's not glued to this screen... can and will also agree that i may appear strong.. but i'm more or less quite shattered beyond recognition on da inside...

well, service today... hmm.. i did get what pastor stanley said.. understood it perfectly... hmm... was quite ok la... i guess... the thing that hit the most was that there just seem to be more and more couples in church.. and looking at the way they treat each other.. i really miss the old times.. heh.. ok.. so maybe it's me.. and maybe i've been too dependant.. but... oh well...

heh.. ok la.. enough said.. don't wanna rant and rave that much... heh...

From the heart..

ok.. so i'm back for a much awaited post.. well, it's late, there's church service at 8am tmr.. or should i say... later.. but... i just can't sleep... everytime i shut my eyes and pray that i'll wander off into dreamland, i get rather disturbing thoughts about work and all.. and the scariest part is that it's only internship and not the real world... i'm seriously dreading going to work after i finish school coz it's just way beyong freaky..

many countless number of people have asked me why i'm always so tired... when i say it's becoz of work, no one quite believes me and some offer to trade places with me.. but.. when i tell them my full job scope, they kind of freak and take back their offer... if you don't believe, try handling most of the admin duties for 1 club and 3 associations.. by club, i'm not talking about bowling here.. it's strictly internship... then, you've gotta do invoicing and receipts for 2 of those 4 assoc... not cool huh... on top of that, i've got a few web design projects in between.. (hmm.. in between doesn't take up too much time.. does it?? ) if you're thinking that, you are once again so wrong.. it IS time consuming.. coz you've gotta research, plan, layout n actually do da freaking thing... unless you've got a God given talent and can come up with a brand new concept/idea in a split second.. haha.. and.. not to mention, maintain da databases for 3 of da assoc... oh.. wait.. there's more.. heh.. design and do presentations for people... hmm... attend 2 of the assoc. events to do the registration part for them.. and the events kind of happen 2-3 times a month.. yup.. i think that's about it.. hmm.. hang on there.. one last thing... be da "secretary to 3 of da directors in my co... x.x yeah... that's it.. haha.. now u know why i look so tired... there's just so much to do... it's scary... it's all about datelines... and if u don't carry through, chances are, you'll get told off or scolded... not fun.. not encouraging... not funny... now u know why it's disturbing...

if the world was as simple as some of you see it, there would really not be a need for police.. coz there'd probably be no crimes, no terrorism, no hatred, no pain... sure... we're all hoping for a perfect world.. but WAKE UP!!! it's just not gonna happen.. you've got a problem, you'll just have to deal with it...

but...

i guess i'm not in da right position to tell anyone anything about that... everything's been piled up on each other lately that (ok.. i'll admit) even i'm running and hiding from some things... but.. yet again, life catches u... and pokes u in da side going.. "u can't hide..." and.. come to think about it, "u can't run very far either..." heh..

i don't know... some people say i've got a tough life... that life's just not fair to some people.. or.. some say.. if life doesn't hit you now, it'll hit u sooner or later... hmm.. yeah.. troo.. life is full of choices... full of surprises.. full of ups and downs... but strangely enough, i don't feel that my life is much different from others... i think it's probably about the same.. juz that the problems are in different areas of life..

for me, even though i seem quite "in control" most of the time, i'm actually finding extremely difficult to live life without someone by my side.. by that, i mean boyfriend more than normal friend or god... don't get my wrong.. i really thank god for my friends.. and.. i know god's always there for me... but yeah.. i juz miss having someone i can share everything and anything with.. miss da hugs n kisses... hmm... did i mention HUGS?? heh...

ok.. so some of u might be going.. OMG! why's she suddenly so mushy?? but hey.. i'm a gal too ya noe.. i can feel exactly the same thing other gals can feel whether they are the "super girl" type or the "super manja" type... or the "anything goes" type...

and.. ok.. so i'm being a bit straight forward here, but if you like me, tell me... if u don't like something about me, tell me too... i'm not exactly the ultimate bitch who'll blow at anyone and everyone over small matters.. ask anyone around... all my friends.. i think they can testify that i don't quite blow up unless i'm in a bad mood.. or.. unless u really really deserve it.. =x haha..

k la.. cleared most of my mind... nitez~

throbbing headache..
heavy eyelids..
completing a project..
going to school for a seminar..
getting "abandoned" by your own comm member..
finding out that the dateline is infact the next day..
finding out that despite how tired u are, you've gotta do it with them coz u're the only one who attended the training..
and best of all..
you've gotta sign a hard copy after the whole shitty process is done..

meanwhile..
staring at 2 monitors..
straining eyes some more..
short concentration..
don't know what people will think of your work..
dunno wad kind of shit you'll get into trouble for later..
don't know what time i can leave..
don't think i can go for my long awaited massage..
hoping very hard that the people mentioned in the above can make it tonite..
hoping that i won't have to do everything..
lastly..
hoping i'll get a much needed break..

Many knives thru my heart...

I'm sorry if my blog just keeps getting more depressing... it's just that.... i need an output somewhere... and... i'm not the sort to show it everyday.. i'm more the sort who stores it up til i can't take it anymore.. and... now's one of the times when i can't quite take it anymore... ok.. so my Terms of Reference is due tmr... but who gives a shit now... how many people actually know how bad it hurts inside?!?! how many people actually bother?? how many people have actually realised u've gone missing and take the effort to look you up???

To all the church people..... hmm... let's just say i got no idea what's going on anymore.. everything seems so different... u guys... or maybe gals... have somehow found the time to keep in contact with each other... and honestly... u pple seem to talk in code nowadays... not that i wanna say anything bout it.. but... just take a step back and see how many single people stand around waiting for something to happen... and since i've taken a step back, i've realised that too... and don't worry too much.. coz as much as it seems that i've disappeared, i'll still be around.. unless of course, i decide to visit other churches.. which i might just do...

To all my bowling buddies out there... you guys have been awesome... da support that u all give and all... just that... the one thing that puzzles me is... why's there so much childishness between u all?? can't u all just grow up and accept other people for who they are without comparing who's got better personality or character!?!??! don't u guys know that friends are a big foundation in any individual's life?!?! w/o friends, we'd be completely nothing... hello.. like wake up la! ok la.. but it's every humans fault... and i just love the way that we can put everything aside when we bowl.. as in.. all differences gone... nice feeling.. haha..

To my starbucks friends... love ur carefree life... but hate the fact that there's so much weird stuff going on... ok la.. not say that carefree.. but i love SB culture! yeah! haha.. hmm.. am actually still considering if i should go back.. not sure bout that.. half of me wants to, da other half... i dunno.. kind of sitting on the bench..

ok... now it gets more personal...

firstly, to alpha... i know it's been difficult for u... and.. it is for me too... but... things just weren't right... never thought i'd say this, but i do miss you... somehow, the being too dependant on each other part that we dreaded... really came thru... again, i'm saying it is incredibly difficult... for the record, i don't regret anything that's happened... i'm glad it did... think i've somehow learnt a lot more about life from you...

next.. to wj.. who'll prob nv read this.. but it's ok anyway..wish i didn't say anything to you.. hoped it was like last time.. gaming in da atrium... crapping a lot in school and on da way to training... miss da old u where we could talk about anything under the sun.. now it seems like everything revolves around da club...

i juz want to be treated like a human.. no.. actually, like a friend... ranks aren't all that impt to me... what matters most is the friendship... who care's if i'm da president? or wadeva else... i'm still the same me that u got to know.. that implys to all of you out there... who cares whether i'm doing my attachment now or whether times have changed such that i don't spend as much time with u?? i'm still the same me u all got to know from da start...

lastly, i'd like to thank nell... who's always been there to listen when i have my near breakdowns and tempers and all that... thanks babe... u rock my world! =)

ok.. that's enough for today.. think it's really really long...
but.. at least it's all off my chest... heh..

tata

someone killed the night...

heh... life kind of sux... normally, sat evenings are spent with church people.. but today, we had our final comm gathering for last yr's comm.. well, first n last.. heh.. dinner was fun... but one by one.. people just HAD to leave... ok la.. not really their fault... but yeah... alicia had to go meet her friends.. den lionel left... den derek not allowed to go out late... den davin didn't wanna go out late coz there was no car.. and den... there were 2... 2's not really that fun to hang out... and besides, he was looking for other friends to go out with too...
sometimes, i really wished i had more crazy n out going friends... haha.. and maybe a few more who look hot.. haha.. ok.. so i'm mad.. but yeah.. lately, it feels as if my life's all about work and responsibilities... kind of sux.. when i've got time to go hang out and chill.. everyone else seems to have other agendas... and on other days.... when they go out, i've gotta be home early so i can get up for work da next day... argh... frustrating.. is there more to me than juz work and being responsible and living up to others expectations!?!? sigh..

being me is difficult...

hmm.. i think quite a few of u may disagree to the title.. but to me, it's life.. seriously...

imagine if u wake up everyday... doing things just to please others and try your very best to make everyone around you happy... hmm.. doesn't sound too bad does it?! everybody's happy, you're happy.. well.. that's seriously what i used to thihnk.. until lately.. heh... but i guess... that's life... everybody.. ok lar.. maybe not everyone.. but a lot of people tend to take other people for granted.. it's quite sickening... and there are also some... who realise they've been mis-treating you... and have a total change of heart to try making up for it... and sometimes, the way they try's really freaky...

ok.. the past 1 and a half weeks since my last update.. well, it's been busy... work's quite a killer.. getting many things from many people who don't know what each other give me.. -_-" but yeah.. i guess i'm coping.. juz that take short breaks here and there coz the screen really kills... end up staying back late on quite a few days coz u just hafta rush stuff...

infact, it can sometimes be so tiring that... yeah.. i din have the energy to train on monday... it's like... how bad can life get?!?! everything tires u out... and u have absolutely no time to rest coz your schedule's so packed with stuff... it's either u gotta live up to others expectations.. or u've gotta make sure things go smoothly... heh.. it's sometimes such a chore... heh.. oh well.. but i guess i should quit complaining coz i enjoy making things happen..

oh.. and i guess i kind of got into trouble coz i overslept this morning and din check my phone so i could inform da others that lunch had been cancelled... guys.. if u all read this, i'm really really sorry... mr gerald ang actually msged me at 10 plus in da morning... but i din wake up til 12.15..
:( paiseh.. esp to arthur who i know already left the house... and wj.. for getting there 5 mins after i msged him... sorry...

k lar.. that's about it for now, i really gotta go do my work now... sucks rite?! gotta bring home office work to do... bleahx... k lar.. ciao..

Blinded

haha... interesting title don't u think, i think, it can mean many many different things... but for now, the only thing is literally going blind...

with the office coms, i am quite sure i'll go blind by the time i finish here... heh... -_-"

Life now...

since i've got the strength, i'll take this chance to quickly update my blog...
well.. exams have ended... and... yes... attachment has started... heh... well, hmm... i guess i totally had no idea what to expect... was pretty blur... din have much expectations... so.. yeah.. things have been really good... everyone at da office's real cool... although really busy... and thank god i don't end up like some other interns who have to wash toilets when they get in.. heh.. pity them manz... haha... yup... my long day doesn't seem so long.. but it is fairly long... yup.. that's about all i have to say bout that. can't be bothered to type too much...

and.. i also prob did da hardest thing eva todae... i returned my starbucks card to gen.. damn sad lar.. but nvm lar.. i think i won't be able to stay away for long... or maybe... aiyah.. i don't know!!!! but yeah.. i may be back... so... yeah.. only time can tell... yup... tata!

lost

am once again supposed to be studying.. but here i am again....

times have changed so much since like... 2002... 2003... things back then was all about having fun... minding your own business... having people make decisions for u... laid back.. relaxed life... those times were good...

now... everything's constantly changing... everyone's constantly changing.. or.. i think everyone is.. well... that's not my point... i think since i left yckss... my life has been... hmm... changing.. and honestly, i think it kind of changed for the worst... sure i was the school bitch last time.. but at least i knew exactly what i was doing... and the reasons i was doing it for.. now... i've changed... completely changed.. i don't know myself anymore... when i look in the mirror.. i see a changed gal... physically.. probably betta than last time... but... character wise... i got absolutely no idea who i am... everywhere i go.... it's a different mask for a different occasion.. only a few people have seen the troo me... or so i think lar...

ah!! someone pls help find me... i got no idea who i am no more... i don't like the feeling.. and i definately don't like where i am now... argh...

After the first day of a new week...

well... like i said, my week ended like shit... so... hoping for a better start, i gave up studying and went to bed...

in da morning... well, as usual, kind of got up late.. but was feeling much betta... but before i could even start the day properly, i rammed half of myself into da wall... (dun ask... basically, was still half asleep...) heh... at least i was home...

so... left the house, went to the bank to do some banking for my mommy... after that, met nell at BK to have brunch... that small period of time was still ok lar... headed to SB-HV after that to grab ourselves a latte each in hopes that it would cheer us up.. we ended up so disappointed... seriously.... that gal... sigh.. pulled us a bad shot.... den... on top of that, they never backflush... can see the grinds.. and the drink juz taste different... yuck...

went to school... intended to study... got disturbed.. and ended up juz looking through a few of my tutorials and practicals... literally juz LOOKING through... and before i knew it... heh... had to go for my paper... well..... the paper was surprisingly do-able... it kind of cheered me up... amazing how things that are supposed to put u down, actually cheer u up.. and things that suppose to cheer u up, actually put u down...

went straight to work after that... bumped into WJ on da way out of school.. juz said hi and bye.. cabbed down hoping to have a good shift there... day came crashing down just before i punched in... was rock bottom for quite awhile... and my smile seemed to have gone for a holiday at the bermuda triangle..it was a rather quiet evening.. so went to look for edwin at ML during my break... had quite a nice chat with him lar... long time nv see and talk to him... after that, decided to try to pick myself up at work... hmm... i would say that i more or less succeeded.. but... *shrugx* best left for other people to say lar..

was so tired by the time store closed... i was closing in slow motion... bad lar... but really can't help it.. heh.. closed half an hour late... sux lar.. but *shrugx* got nagged to death by my mom.. all almost death lar.. otherwise i wun be typing this...

den instead of going straight to bed, end up coming online to do all the CCA points shit... it's like.. CAN'T THE WORLD GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK??? it's the blardy exam week.. and here i am taking shifts on da day before my paper and all... and furthermore... everyone's going siao coz of the stress.... and me??? i've got to key in freaking cca points coz the deadline's today... -_-"

i've like.... been totally drained larh.. and... I GOT NO LIFE! heh... can't shop... haven't dressed up for ages... and all my pretty shoes are juz lying around... aiyah.. nvm larh.. but for the shift part, i volunteered... so.. DON'T blame my managers... can't bear to see them (or in particular, ari...) search high and low for partners coz SB got many poly people and now's about exam period... life's all about give and take isn't it?! haha... wadeva lar..

heh.. ok.. i end here coz that's da end of the day... thank u for reading this... think it's crap.. heh.. and... as for me, i think i'll be ok in time to come.. so... yeah... sigh....

tired... and... on the verge of breaking down...

not the perfect end to the week...

this is seriously the wrong time coz i've got a million one things to do... but... this is one of the few channels that i can rant and rave like no one's business... heh...

firstly, i'm damn freaking tired... haven't had a good sleep in a long time... got so many things on my mind... hmm.. besides that, it's exam week.... got a paper tmr and on wednesday... haven't really studied.. sure.. blame it on lack of discipline in my own life.. so be it lar.. i'll admit it anyway... but den... i do need time for myself... sigh... bad time management... argh.. so annoying... anyway, i've hardly studied or revised anything... haven't been paying much attention in school... and.... i can't exactly not work these few weeks coz everyone else is taking a break... the most idiotic thing is that i got a paper tmr.. and had to work todae... straight after da paper, gotta go do closing again... sigh.. i wanna rest.. i miss dressing up... i miss shopping... but den.. can't complain coz i dun wanna leave starbucks... heh.. wadeva lar.. dun feel like updating anymore... had quite a crap day todae lar.. and yeah.. u can see the tiredness on me already.. heh.. wadeva lar.. dun feel like saying anymore..

Gosh... this is bad....

haha.. ok.. maybe i'm going a lil too far... but yeah... i'm ALREADY missing my starbucks partners.... after being attached to 15 stores... and knowing other people from other stores i haven't been to..... yeah..... i'm gonna miss pulling shots... making messes... clearing messes... haha... and above all, miss all the partners... ah!!!!!!!!!! it's driving me insane!!!!! and on top of that, so many stores and their managers have asked me to stay larh... argh.... so tempting... haha.. ok.. am mad..

anyway, survived a 9+ over hr shift today... haha.. yay me! and i'm still super hyper... muz be mad somewhere.. haha... 4+ hrs at rc... and 5+ at ms... haha.. whee!!! ok.. nvm... hyped up...

time and tide waits for no man

ok.. so my title's aren't as fancy as others.. but who gives a shit...

anyway, found the time to blog surf today.. realised that i haven't done it in eons... it's more or less a wake up call.. coz i think i've got more church friends blog addresses than anyone elses...

yes.. i feel quite detached from church life at the moment.. detached from the people there too.. maybe it's because i dont't spend enough time there... but then again, maybe becoz everyone there's too busy doing their own thing as well... that i'm not so sure.. but sadly, i don't feel much of a connection...

i think.. in the past one or two years, quite a few people have gone overseas... some, supposed to be my really good friends.. but... we honestly never really kept in touch... ok.. it'll be unfair to say that.. i hardly have time.. or to be honest, never really bother... i guess.. to me, the distance makes a difference... but... i try not too...

since 2 over years ago, time's have changed so so so much.. it seemed like just yesterday when all of us in church spent so much time hanging out together... life that time was really considered care-free and easy going... i just can't stop mentioning that things have really changed a lot... everyone's moved on.. or at least they're trying too... everyone seems to have a new life... new schools.. new friends... new job... new clothes... house... shoes... bags... from the really significant things to the really insignificant ones... but... after taking the effort to do the things u do, how many people actually notice it?!?! i've kind of learnt... it's nice to just slow down once in awhile to think about the things people have done for you... hmm... strangely enough, there's seriously no ulterior motive for saying all this today.. just feel like it..

but yeah... i feel so distant from the people i use to be close to.. and feel so comfortable with the people i found strange last time.. haha.. life really is ironic... but... everything in life happens for a reason...

i think what i missed from last time was the hang out sessions i had sometimes a few time a week with leong... the nice free nights where i had absolutely nothing to do.... just to come home and slack in front of the tv.. or the computer for that matter...

another thing i missed is many many catch up sessions with many people... life's passing so fast now that there's so little time and so much to do.. or.. as some of my friends say.. bad time management.. and others say... doing too many unnecessary things...

i really don't know what people think of me now... and i'm not sure what to think of other people too... but what i do know is that you should have confidence in youself... i think.. that's the key for life in general...

hmm... clarence sent this survey to me... it's rather interesting... u get to learn bout what ur friends think of u.. and u get to see what ur other friends think about ur friend too..
haha... when u're free, go do it! =)


http://kevan.org/johari?name=ktTy

thanks babes and hunks!

and fyi, i really thank God for all of you out there... i think i'm real lucky to have so many friends around... =)

being me...

hmm... so i've lived troo my normal always boring v'days... no big.. haha..

well... being me.... i've never eva thought that my life could be turned upside down by guys... it's complicating... and i don't think i should be posting it here... but oh well... heh...

let's just say, thing's don't always work out the way it seems... and you don't always get what u want... haha.. well, i've more or less learnt how to deal with it... so oh well...

for now, it's off to work!

Valentine's Day

haha.. it's here once again!!! hmm... and.. haha.. i don't have a date! yay me! go home, go online.. and slack..

hmm... for me, i think valentine's day shouldn't be that one day a year where people show their affection to another or something to that effect larh.. i think it should be everyday and not left for today... if u want to, it's ok larh... but yar... haha.. oh well... back to lessons.. tata!

Marathon...

juz finished my assignment... of course not only on da assignment.. but also on my own personal stuff.. haha... yup.. anyway, now it's off for my shower.. and off to school... yar.. haven't slept.... got a damn packed day... hope i can et through it... tata for now...

Quotes...

this post is definately not for those who wanna comment... and it's also not for those under 18...

guys...
"they complain about girls not liking them and when there is one RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR FUCKING EYES, they go "awww...but you're a sister to me"....bloody hell go ask the parents to make a sister lah <_<",

"men are bitches with penises",

"not only is life a bitch, it has puppies too"

so i'm quite anti-guy now... but yar... oh well...

Mid week...

The week's just been getting more and more... bleahx... don't know how to describe it.. there's so much going on around... so overwhelmed by everything... so tired... hmm... i find that i'm not my normal self lately... or should i say.. for quite some time... i know i'm not saying much... leaving everything hanging there... but yeah... don't quite wanna comment on it...

I'm just praying so hard that everything will work out the way it was planned... i'm not caring too much about myself... but.. i'm starting to think i should... haha... ok.. i'm starting to get myself as well as others complicated... oh well..

Returning...

Ok.. so i'm slowly returning to my blogging habit... reason being, it kind of relieves stress... and YES!!! i am stressed... heh.. nothing new...

anyway, apologies for the current blog skin... will design one when i eventually find the time... for now, i'm sitting here with an arrow stabbed straight thru my heart... but.. that doesn't matter.. coz i'm moving on... on top of that, i'm sitting on 2 assignments of which one is already overdue... i owe my club advisor stuff... i've gotta oversee more planning.. and when there's time to finally breathe, i've gotta start planning my last event... besides that, we've to finalize nxt yr's committee... and lots of stuff will have to be submitted to SDAR... exams are coming in a few weeks... and my attachment starts on the monday after exam week... that's my life..

BUT...

i think i shall juz keep my mouth shut coz that's not the worse things can get... and you seriously don't wanna know what i mean... things could be a lot worse... heh... so.. just gotta be strong and fight on...

And in times like this, i really really thank God for a close circle of friends... actually, many many friends... after all these yrs, i realise that u are who u want urself to be... for the people who keep thinking u cannot make it, u wun... just take a look around and see for urself.. if u dun pick urself up, no one will...

kill me if you like, but that's just my character... raised by my mom, it's obvious i become more like her.. so if you can't stand me being independant and free-spirited, den.. i got nothing to say...

that's it for now, going for another class...