Sunday, July 04, 2010
shocked to see me here? I'm finally re-blogging, to clear the cobwebs for awhile. Don't think I would be blogging again anytime soon.
Anyway, I just came back from local seniors camp.
(yes esther, ODAC camp again! hah...) Anyway drank teh tarik during supper-cum-breakfast, so can't really sleep anymore.
These days, I've been thinking about a lot of things. For a few of you, you would know my mood is up and down. If you want to know what's wrong with me, sorry, but there are some things I wish to keep to myself. Some people I wish to protect. Sorry to borrow the term from someone, but I'm at the cross-roads too.
(Though not in the same way as you are) I've told some of my friends and Yihui before, I don't think after I graduated, I will keep a lot of the friends I made in ODAC. I may get to know a lot of people in ODAC, after all it comes together with the job, but how many of them are the quality kind like those I made in JC/sec?
Sad to say,
(like I told Tung and CK before), ODAC is always a place where I will never know when I'll be stabbed, never know when I will be used, or my words used against me, or if I'm being bitched behind-my-back. Information is gold, "alliance" is ever-changing, friendship is transient. For me, true ma-ji here are rare and few in between. That's why I could never fully throw myself to most of these friendships.
I'm tired of being a tool. Tired of judging. Tired of listening to everyone's woes, instead of facing mine. For once, I care less. Yihui told me something very sensible. Yes, ODAC is a gossip stir-bowl. People may gossip all they want about you. But at the end of the day, those who still remain by you, are your real friends.
Hearing that really brought me out of my "depression" for awhile. Just like watching Ellen this morning, even for a short while, made me happier. It was a good distraction and I'm good with finding distractions. Things could have been less complicated, if not for what happened recently. It seems friendship, relations can be so fragile. A wrong word used could have disastrous consequences. I used to have a lot of confidence in my friendships. Now, as I stand at the crossroad of life
(which I must emphasize is not used in the same context as my friend used it), I need to rethink.
Sorry if anyone comes to read this, asks me what's going on and I can't find the energy to tell you. I will be glad you cared enough to ask. But I need time to find myself back.
P.S. someone said before this may be post-graduation syndrome...maybe it is...
Its just me and you <3 .
11:21 AM
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I thought the bicycle thing was a thing of the past. I just heard the stupid phrase again. It's mindless and stupid. But yes, it's offensive.
If you can bring it upon yrself to say it, I don't see why I cannot use that to describe your girlfriend, your mother or even your grandmother. If it's just another of those harmless jokes, say that to your mother. is she a communal bicycle?
Seriously. For those who said or laughed at this phrase before, I was there for you (most of you anyway) when you needed a ear. I tot we are beyond this. I just want to ask your one thing, Where's your respect?
Because I have none for you.
Its just me and you <3 .
4:48 PM
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Too stressed and tired these few days. Easily pissed off and worked up. Can't see eye to eye with a lot of things.
Old le. Maybe that's why.
Don't just keep kao-pehing. If you see there's a problem, fix it. If you think you're the problem, fix yourself. Just don't sit there and do nothing. And waste one more year.
So many people have wasted one year. More people will waste one year. Why let it waste, when NOW you already feel wasted. Seriously, if you feel so and know that you will, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Don't complain at the end of it, like you tried your best. But actually what have you done? Don't come and tell me, I told you so.
You know, so? What did you do?But those who are the problem, I pity you. You should be the solution. Not the problem. Like I said earlier. If you're the problem, then solve it. Don't broadcast to everyone as if they can help you solve your problems. We were placed there for a reason, to help others solve problems. To guide others to solve problems. Not be one.
Seriously, a lot of people need to grow up. The world is not revolving around you.
Its just me and you <3 .
9:45 PM
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Let's talk about AIDS.
My FYP Documentary's title should be HIV+. Read as HIV Positive. To be positive about HIV. About life. It's funny how many people here emo, when those children (mind you, they're infected kids) live so carefree and happily. They may have bouts of illnesses, but they continued to live life to the fullest.
I recall "Nancy". He (or she, for that matter) is a damn funny character. To people like us, whom he (or she) meets for the first time, he can just sing and hug us like nobody's business. Compared to us, he may have AIDS, but he's more liberated than any of us. Do we discriminate him based on his looks, his mannerism, his illness?
People there speak freely about HIV/AIDS. There are orphanages, organizations (MANY mind you) that cater to these group. They have condom kings giving out condoms at pubs/clubs for free. They may be exploiting this illness to sell more condoms (for all I know). But at least it's on their national agenda. Yes, SARS is deadly and fast. Swine flu is new and seemingly dangerous. But AIDS kill more people per day than swine flu.
Yet all the hype is on the new pig flu in town. Everyone had forgotten about the old boring AIDS. Yes perhaps it's because we have fewer AIDS cases (as compared to Thailand). But aint those infected humans as well? Singaporeans as well? Should it be placed higher in the national agenda?
I probably should read more about AIDS in Singapore. But it's all hush hush in Singapore. Nobody comes out to say they have AIDS. I probably should watch more Bu Fan De Ai. Is it the one and only drama show on AIDS? Sigh...it's saddening....but I probably should do more research before I say anymore.
Its just me and you <3 .
2:12 AM
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Today I went back my internship company. Sigh. Same dreadful feeling. But I need the cash...so wth...
Life now, well, I'm enjoying my COM402 classes. It's media law. It's hard to imagine me liking law lessons. Since I always hated debates and GP. But hey, I love this class man! My favority class...Especially since my lecturer is DAMN shuai..But he's 6*Y and taken. He's an angmoh...a white guy who likes to wear black. Damn shuai jiu dui le...Too bad la..just too bad...
I just like looking at him. HAHA i'm superficial. But anyway...apart from the eyecandy, his class is damn intellectually engaging. Although most of the time I'm struggling with the laws, it's fun debating with my friends and trying to articulate my tots as understandable and technical as possible. It changed my perception of law totally.
(if i have a photo of him, i may post it up...Just look around CS, he's the shuaiest prof ard)
Anyway, like I told CK, I don't appreciate strong-handed approaches. So many leaders have led with a firm but benevolent hand. The best leaders are those who acknowledges their flaws, their weaknesses and learn from no matter who. Confucius is one. Another kind places their enemies right beside them, so they can constantly reflect upon these people. That's more zai than eliminating all your opponents. How many people can do that?
I don't want to be ODAC ghost (no matter what CK's neighbor says, CK's the ghost)...And FYP's challenging...more challenging than I tot...Diff kind of challenging...SIGH...
Its just me and you <3 .
8:50 PM
Sunday, June 14, 2009
I screwed up pretty big.
Hai le derrick. I'm sorry.
What to say, my eyes da stamp. Give him wrong shoot timings....SHIT.....F*@(@ Probably cos I cannot operate under stress. This may not be the line for me after all.
Today's mood is emo...Or is it plain bad. Plain bad i guess.
And how do I convince someone to do something when I don't believe in it. Guess it's just a system thing. We're just institutionalized animals. Don't question, just do. Even me, the instigator.
Whatever. I'm a big jerk.
Five more days. Then pelepah. Looking forward to it. Even if I don't have to climb, I will look forward to it. =)
Its just me and you <3 .
11:57 PM
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Decided to vomit all my tots&feelings in a few separate entries, so it won't go into a mega-long entry.
First so, my resolution NOW is to check my mail more often. And go on msn more often. Been very reclusive this whole 6 months..or is it a year? Maybe longer.
But anyway yep. very motivated to make my FYP a good job. Not only for me. For the 4 of us. But because it's something EXTREMELY meaningful. It's not some glamour glamour video we are doing, but something with purpose lo. Actually very fitting for our group. =)
Anyway, for the person who rejected me, I don't blame you! Just sad such a good opportunity missed. SO SAD! But anyway, if you are a sexually-active person, and sometimes out for fun will play around. BUT want to do something really meaningful, PLEASE TELL ME!
Its just me and you <3 .
9:53 PM
Eh how to say leh...
A lot of things going through my mind.
First I must say... I SHOULD be going Thailand to do my FYP.
HUAT AH!
(Although I suspect I will keep la-ing the other three to pei me see the lady girls, go krabi etc etc. Saw this programme on lady boys, SO MEI LO THEM...shall go and watch in thailand)
ANYWAY, my topic should be on HIV-positive children living in orphanages. Been finding their videos on youtube. Very heart-wrenching.
SO....ANTICIPATE MY FYP VIDEO BA!
Decided to vomit all my tots&feelings in a few separate entries, so it won't go into a mega-long entry.
First so, my resolution NOW is to check my mail more often. And go on msn more often. Been very reclusive this whole 6 months..or is it a year? Maybe longer.
But anyway yep. very motivated to make my FYP a good job. Not only for me. For the 4 of us. But because it's something EXTREMELY meaningful. It's not some glamour glamour video we are doing, but something with purpose lo. Actually very fitting for our group. =)
Anyway, for the person who rejected me, I don't blame you! Just sad such a good opportunity missed. SO SAD! But anyway, if you are a sexually-active person, and sometimes out for fun will play around. BUT want to do something really meaningful, PLEASE TELL ME!
Its just me and you <3 .
9:50 PM