Sunday, July 04, 2010
shocked to see me here? I'm finally re-blogging, to clear the cobwebs for awhile. Don't think I would be blogging again anytime soon.
Anyway, I just came back from local seniors camp.
(yes esther, ODAC camp again! hah...) Anyway drank teh tarik during supper-cum-breakfast, so can't really sleep anymore.
These days, I've been thinking about a lot of things. For a few of you, you would know my mood is up and down. If you want to know what's wrong with me, sorry, but there are some things I wish to keep to myself. Some people I wish to protect. Sorry to borrow the term from someone, but I'm at the cross-roads too.
(Though not in the same way as you are) I've told some of my friends and Yihui before, I don't think after I graduated, I will keep a lot of the friends I made in ODAC. I may get to know a lot of people in ODAC, after all it comes together with the job, but how many of them are the quality kind like those I made in JC/sec?
Sad to say,
(like I told Tung and CK before), ODAC is always a place where I will never know when I'll be stabbed, never know when I will be used, or my words used against me, or if I'm being bitched behind-my-back. Information is gold, "alliance" is ever-changing, friendship is transient. For me, true ma-ji here are rare and few in between. That's why I could never fully throw myself to most of these friendships.
I'm tired of being a tool. Tired of judging. Tired of listening to everyone's woes, instead of facing mine. For once, I care less. Yihui told me something very sensible. Yes, ODAC is a gossip stir-bowl. People may gossip all they want about you. But at the end of the day, those who still remain by you, are your real friends.
Hearing that really brought me out of my "depression" for awhile. Just like watching Ellen this morning, even for a short while, made me happier. It was a good distraction and I'm good with finding distractions. Things could have been less complicated, if not for what happened recently. It seems friendship, relations can be so fragile. A wrong word used could have disastrous consequences. I used to have a lot of confidence in my friendships. Now, as I stand at the crossroad of life
(which I must emphasize is not used in the same context as my friend used it), I need to rethink.
Sorry if anyone comes to read this, asks me what's going on and I can't find the energy to tell you. I will be glad you cared enough to ask. But I need time to find myself back.
P.S. someone said before this may be post-graduation syndrome...maybe it is...
Its just me and you <3 .
11:21 AM