Sunday, October 17, 2004

had a great birthday! thanks ppl, all ur well wishes and all! thanks my darlings, my cliques of frens... u guys are god's gift to me. i am truly blessed. boozing is fun, we shall booze sometime again.

yesterday was again one in three hundred and thirty-six day that i got emo again. pent up frustrations and emotions. lost. alone. walked frm chinatown-tanjong pagar-clarke quay. alone, yes alone~ 2-3am. weird hrs but there are still weird ppl like me roaming the streets of singapore. i meet wierd ppl, bottomline singapore aint afterall that safe. i might be mad or crazy but indeed i feel betta. i got my frens worried, i am sorry.

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along the streets, it wasnt quiet. i was in self-seclusion, it was quiet. things and mind was in whirl, taking its toll on me. i cant breathe even i tried to struggle to. the rustle of the cars that past by are noise that's piercing through my ears. i watch time as it slip thru my fingers, seconds by seconds, minutes by minutes, time is something i couldnt control. but why does things i could control, i always lose them? nothing came out my mouth, even though inside me i felt like i roared and shook the world. my world. i am made of betta stuffs that tht, stronger than i was 18, aint gonna falter that easily. .:mysterious gurl:.

Posted by HERE! at 4:15 PM

Monday, October 11, 2004

exams finally over! heave a sigh of relieve...... i really am... while doing the paper, i kept checking the clock aint cos of how much time had left, pretty much how many minutes to freedom! hehee..... i met my god-daughter Paige! sooo cute lil thingy.. well... driving tml after such a long time, i miss driving!

Posted by HERE! at 10:50 PM

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Something i always had known, matters of the heart had always been the hardest things to deal with! Well, but how many had fell into it and forever entangled themselves in. Many times i guess. Everytime you tell yourself "Nahz, I wouldnt allow anyone to hurt me again" but the truth is like ultimately it hurts. It takes a damn hardened heart not be able to feel and to fall, and probability is that that person is utterly disappointed in relationships.

Guys are always guys, even though they are attached their eyes still wandered away from the gurl beside them. I have seen and heard many of such cases myself, and mind you guys, your gurl feels damn disappointed and sad aint cos they are displease with ur wandering eyes but they feel that "Hey, am i not good enough?" It is like slap across the face. As much as your gurl gives you respect and face in front of your buddies, i guess they deserve a little respect like that too yea?

Does songs like "Grow old with you" really apply in this fugging realistic world? Probabilty would be guys will grow old with you and dumped you when you are crinkled and old, well not literally. That is why I think gurls are always at a disadvantage, imainge you are together with this guy of ur dreams (hardly happens arnd) for 8 strong years. And by sudden, things start going the wrong way and DANG break up. Well tht gurl would be in her mid-to-late twenties, wasted much youth on a man... She hardly able find a suitable guy that cos she probably takes another 2 years to weep and cry to get over. She would then be a old hag, that guy would probably have his eyes set for younger n pretty ladies.


You would be damned if the guy you are "seeing" is a player. Things would probably be exciting if both parties are players, cos no committment or status are in their dictionary and is jolly well what they are looking for. Pretty sad you call that, but from different aspect if both parties get the fun thus why not? Pretty new age thinking rather than conventional. I will choose to be conventional better, flings are hard to phanthom and its takes excruciating pain to play mind games, i aint got no heart. Usually, things start sweet like honey to the bees, bad qualities are clouded with good ones, you think that the guy is in love with you, thinks the person is perfect, hah, you will be damned again! Cos there is no such thing as Perfect, which i finally understood. And No there is no love in flings.
-period-

Perfect and love are found in faeries tales in dreams. In life, the happiest and simplest thing i am glad i could do is to shut my eyes and fall into my own penned faeries tales.


l might be sounding too pessismistic about relationships, well aint so just straightening out some thoughts. I simply have zero trust in guys when it comes relationship wise. They are better well as frens, thats why i have numbers of good boy friends than boyfriend. Its hard to believe what they say, "I love You" probably is I love getting you to bed. Yes, tonnes of people told me sex evolves much around a relationship. Love and passion is what Man calls, but *SNAP* i calls it Lust and Desires. I aint sure how true, if i ever know it, i will give you the answer.

Man always says women are the hardest to phantom and satisfy, which is well true, we never know what we want, but did Man ever tried before complaining? or rather hard enough?

Gurls are fragile creatures suitable to handle with tender and care. Thus men who are out to crushed them, Get a Life aight! If you do not like a gurl, do not lead her on when you have no intention to catch her when she falls...

And to Men who are reading this pessismistic post of mine, please I have no intention with stinging you with all the accusations, its what i have seen and known. Its just the pessismistic side blogging now, when the optimistic start working
things will be different i guess. .:smiles:. The box now currently playing "Always look on the Bright side of Life". (",)


*feel free to comment this post on my tag*

hey cammy babe, hope u are coping well k! haha.. on the note, after i read your blog, u inspired me to write abt these, not cos its pessismistic all wat sort ever. It just hit me at some note which i aint too sure about too! But gurl, juz wanna let ya know, though i am having exams, a short call would not hurt yea!

Posted by HERE! at 1:42 AM

Saturday, October 02, 2004

its a sad study week..... i totally achieved nothing out of it! aRghhh screw the weather making me sick all over.. haven seen a clear sky in fugging days. finally today i saw the sun, makes me a lil happier....

prays that i will get through every single hella shit paper, 5 papers alone next week... aint sure how i will cope! monday-performance & compensation, tues: advance theory, wed-managerial accounting, friday-human resource development, sat-corpotate events and management.....

.:falling falling falling asleep:.

Posted by HERE! at 9:37 PM