The dream

My mum stayed with me. It seemed to my present unit but it was not, like any other dreams, you really cannot tell or perhaps recall any specifics. She said something to me and we seemed to be very agreeable.  

My dad was also with me. Strange as it seems, there was no quarreling amongst them. It was as they were in love. The typical husband and wife. 

He had moved in many things. There were even two children running around the house. There was a cupboard filled with toys, and from the dream- like interaction, I gathered it was for them. I grimaced in my dream and told my mum that needed to go as the cupboard did not fit into the theme. I was pretty agitated by the items my dad had hoarded over the years. 

We had to share the bedroom. It was a weird arrangement. I could not remember the rest. 

I even went to work in my dream. In my dream I was still a teacher. I wonder now if it is a calling. I came back and all the windows were open. My white shirts were flying on the hangers, it was like any  detergent advertisement where you could visualize the crisp and bright sunny day drying the linens.

I was again annoyed with my mum. I told her off and she smiled or did we have an argument? 

The alarm woke me up momentarily. I decided that I was still tired and I went back to sleep, God knowing that I did not want to go back to that dream, but inevitably I did. 

The last scene was a continuation from the moment I woke up. 

I can't put a finger to what had unfolded but it was my parents and me in the same space. 

Finally, woke up feeling really drained, as if I had really argued and the feelings were real. 

What is this? Is it my inner desire to have a complete family? Or the recent spade of events? My mum's usual letter full of grouses of how I have unfairly treated her and her delusional enemies: Grace and her mum, and how she craved for my attention without telling me lovingly like any mum would. Or was it the recent news that the rehabilitative hospitals are all rejecting my father's application to a rehab? 

I have been through this a number of times and I cannot ask for more but for the continual grace from HIM. 

What more for you,father.

It has been really long since I came into blogger. For a moment, I could not even recall the name if this blog.. Then I remember! Ahhah how interesting the brain works right?

So much has happened. To cut the long story short, I moved on to a new school. I got a place of my own. I am still single. Hahahj

My parents are pretty much the same except for the obvious fact they are aging. My mother seems to be taking it pretty well. The last time we met she was in a preety good state. She even rented the flat out and get herself a studio to stay in. What's the motive behind these? To stay away from those neighbours she has no regard for.

My father has been staying out on the streets along. Money given. I have tried to seek help.

So the main point is how much more can I help you?

How much more should I go to render assistance?

How much more should I reveal each time I have to tell abt the family circumstances ?

You tell me.

Sick cat

Sigh. The title says it all.

A Dim Sum craving left unsettled

Sigh.
I want to eat some nice dim
Sum!

This random but this craving has been on my mind for very long!

Instead of satisfying this craving... I eat this ....

The truth hurts, this you must know

Dearest mum

Have you ever spared a thought for me when you wrote me letters to arrange for meetings and what nots?

Do you think I could have felt belonged or even loved?

How naive could you get?

Sigh.

I want no contact with you.

Can you get that pt?

18 turn 81

I do not like to lament, it puts me in a self-pity state which I think I should not even adopt. It wastes time and makes me look weak, vulnerable.

However, I have to do it.

And you special readers who have been special to me are invited to read this post:

I turn 31 this August and with the project that I have embarked on, I have plenty to say. With each new experience, I am thankful of the experience. I would never have done it without you all, without HIM as well. HE is great and I should give thanks to the Lord all the time. I hope this project have touched you as well. It has in a way, helped me stepped out from my comfort zone.

My most memorable one would be the where I had to be a tour guide for half a day.

Powerless

There is so much one can do.

There is so much I can do about my family. I mishandled situations, I misjudged and went by my feelings. You cannot blame me, however, there is so much I can do, after all I do have my needs and I am hurt as well. Speaking about hurt, everyone is hurt in this family.

So how do you measure the worst off one here?

Timidly, I raise my hand, only to realise that I am the only one who can save you and you.

So am I wrong to think of that?

I can't do more.

Can I do more? I do not think so.

Maybe you think I can. It is not a matter of which modals, one should use.

I am render powerless to do anything.

let's just lift this family to YOU.

Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge.

~ Psalm 16: 1