Dream vs Love

The word love has too much info to it. I mean in a relationship what is the differences between like and love??
But with love then what is the value of dream then?
I'm still hesitating.. Wondering, thinking reflecting... I want my dream but not at the expenses in this relationship. But somehow i know it will get mixed up somehow. It the end I know i must let it go and without any hesitation.
Yes! it got me hooked.. it got into me lots. never in life i feel like this. I'm wondering How should I pull away!! I mean still a 1.5 year to go.. I don't any regrets or any hold back.

Johann Wolfgang-

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Whatever you cannot understand, you cannot possess.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Where is the man who has the strength to be true, and to show himself as he is?
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

One must ask children and birds how cherries and strawberries taste.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

It seems so strange.. I was browsing one Thai maginze and Guess what "joHann" attracted my attracion.

I particularly like this qoute: One must ask children and birds how cherries and strawberries taste.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

As a child i always got the impression that cherries and strawberries taste sweet. But now as an adult.. I always got a thought that cherries and strawberries taste sour. a Child mind is always so pure and simple.Navie is the path to a life of no worries. Why, being adult seems to be so troubled?
Or perhaps, being an adult, we are more bother on what the society judgement and perspective. OR we are not jus being ourself!!

新 的 开始

Just two of us after Dinner and Dance.
A new start. This is a new Start.. Little by little and unknowingly, I had loved him more each weekend. having him around me, was like a freedom.. and feel so safe and secure.. Sometimes, I feel he is mature, whereas sometimes I jus feel he is a kid... I don't know. Perhaps, this is a new start, a new life and and be it a happy ending, or a so call "shakespear" tradegy style of ending..
I will just cherish every moment and every bit of time we have...
There is no forever, no eternity, time will not wait for me or him.. Jus move with the time and the flow...

Simons Says

Went for a local production play: Simon Says last night with YX and him. The play was kinda deep. Find it so hard to digest everything.. To me, each character depicts a general type of people. It shows the inner fear and the selfish side of a human.
Irony, In the face of a smile and laughter and yet it has a hidden agenda of everything.

Attraction and worn out

I was kinda of wondering, If I was the caused of the future issue?!!?!.. I wondered.. By keeping my r/s in the dark really sometimes drive me nuts. I can get close with some of the guys.. BUt i'm worried that they will fall for me.. What attract me to them is that i know their future is there.. There is less uncertainities.. Like that TanBT.. I got a feeling that he likes me.. Whenever we are alone he will always push me or grab me.. But i Don't know. Just feel that this r/s is kinda of tiring.. Gotta to communicate so much and go out so many times.. IT make me feels so tired..

The worst part was to play hide n seek. without letting anyone to know about our relationship..

Stay alive

I don't know.. Just feeling kinda lost.. I mean the r/s i'm in and the surrounding... I seriously wanted to draw the line. Feel so pissed off sometimes.. esp when my required privacy was invaded. I need a breathing space and freedom to think of my life... PPL say.. In love give u extra energy.. But i feel that it is somehow draining my energy... I'm not saying that he is no good.. Perhaps he can't control himself.. Jus that i guess I had expected alot from him.. I somehow Do Prefer a certain Maturity level...

Undecided

Today, I saw him walking alone avoiding me somehow... Sometimes i wonder, IF he had made things clear things would be better for both of us. We could talk and laugh like we used to be. Shouldn't it be? afterall, we nv made any promises in our friendship. I still kinda of undecide.. He held my hand thrice and never let me go... And yet his words kinda of spike me lotz.

I don't know I don't want to hurt him.. I will move away.. IF we are destined to meet again perhaps we will then....

Struggling

Feeling kinda of stress out.. Facing the disapproval from the older generation, Yet encouragement from the same generation was a struggle. The differences in thinking and values was a struggle to me.
I need a freedom, a room of freedom and a room of ways.. I feel so trapped.
Trapped by the restriction, trapped by the new found relationship. Seems to be a struggle.. I want to be free. I wan to end it all. Perhaps it takes time. It take courage and faith.
Putting up a brave face was tough for me.. So what's next problem or Perhaps solution to find out...

Teddy

Guess What, I did finally Accepted a guy who is 3 years younger than me as my boyfriend. To be honest, I'm abit afraid and abit lost. I'm afraid that we will end up a laughing stock for our age gap. I'm afraid i will lose him one day and I don't know how to cover up our relationship just to pretend to be normal friend in front of everyone.

He bought me a Teddy today. I feel so bad to have him spending 32 bucks on me. But he insisted so much. Gosh...

Wondering, considering

Sometimes i find it so hard to talk out the things. I meant I'm all ready to let go of everything. But it still bounces back to me.
When back with him today.. we still play and pull and push.. but he hold me close.. not allowing me to go.. I feel so close to him and yet a distance that i don't not want to close.. how i wish i can really know what he is thinking. He just felt that i'm not serious enough when i ask him if he was interested in me.. but Gosh.. I'm serious to get the answer from me... I'm lost. with two relationship dumping to me... I feel like Stress out and want to end it all.

To love or not?

I'm kinda of confuse.. Honestly, Was it my pride more or I can't decide? I mean age shouldn't be an issue for all of us.. I should be open and proud of it.. But somehow I'm afraid. I'm afraid of my Future. Perhaps I'm jus plained too Selfish? Or what.. Whatever flows thru my mind now Really drives me insane..
I really need to make my stand clear and know What i really want.. Even he is willing, but i can't always try to hide...
I don't know. I'm really lost... To love or to let go... only time will tell.

Think tank

Soseki Natsume- Kokoro:
"The development -or the destruction of a man's body and mind depends upon external Stimuli. Unless one is very careful, and unless on sees to it that the intensity of the stimuli is gradually increased, one will find too late that the body or the mind, has atrophied."
"No matter how full one's head might be with the imafe of greatness, one was useless."

Something to ponder and think about. Obviously, it is true..

I feel so guilty and so lost. I mean... At this point of time i should have make my stand clearer.. This is insane.. Gotta give a final push for tml Exam... I can do IT!

逃

Escaping the real world seems to be a big break for me. I don't know how to put it. Perhaps being loved is the best gift on earth. Someone told me Only chose the man who love you. But Funny thing is that, how do I love someone where I'm undeciding on what i want. And Yet I chose to escape from the reality.

Someone had confessed that he likes me. But I just can't give him a chance. Happen too fast and too soon. THe space I have seem to be a big void. I wish to be free. Sometimes, I just felt that The pressure i have from the society is too much for me. I mean To love someone Yet i have to consider so much.. Age gap, people views, society rules....

I mean why should i bother so much. Afterall, What's come may.......

Torn

I don't know what to say.. He held my hand again and This time round he really hold my hand tight. I don't understand. Everytime, usually after work.. He will always beside me. Close and yet in a distance, protecting me and yet giving me a that friendly distance with people to mix.
I mean in front of our colleague we will jus talk and laugh. But when we are alone, he will always put his arm around me or jus grab my hand... This is the third time he hold my hand.... Everytime up the Evalator, he will always make sure i'm in front of him... And guess what, he is not shy to touch me in front of some of our colleauge.
The expression of their face make me feel so awkward.. I don't know to feel pleased by the attention he shower me or just back off. I mean, I don't want people feel that I'm attached whereas I'm not... I don't know what to say. This is my feeling for him? a Distance or a love?

A timeless moment

This life seems to be so stagnant and so worthless. I Should be studying and not fooling around like mad. Honestly Speaking, I Shouldn't have gone above anything in this manner. Those touching and laughing seems worthless to me.

I realized that He had always shelter me. Giving chances and time to hang around with my friends. While I was in a chat, he just listen without any comment. But when we are together he held me, putting his arms around me, he is always behind me. We would talk and laugh. But Seems to be he hated the term "Friends". I guess it is time to draw a line and keep a distance and let go of everything. We belong a different age group of people. The things we seek are totally different. Compare him to Bro Neo. Yes! he is very considerate and fun to be with. But Bro Neo was someone who i can share my trouble with. Everything and everyone is so different. This is life. It time to close up the chapter and live again.

Thoughts of phrases

"A person who has been in love himself would have been move tolerant and would have felt warmer towards the couple. But do you know that there is guilt in loving?

Give a gentle man Money and he will soon turn into a rogue.

The trouble with inheriting money from one's parents is that it dulls one's wits. It's a bad thing not to have to struggle for on's living."
- Taken From Book titled: Kokoro, Author: Soseki Natsume.

Well it does have a deep impact in me. I totally can't believe that a book that was written by someone who lives a century ago yet could describe the human nature of today. So humans must be a failure of it's own species then.What a failure then. Wasn't greed that take aways the beauty of love causing hatred. But without Greed, will there be any changes in life then? Well, Well, Isn't IRony to face a situation that should not be exists. Thus, How successful does education have come?

In life, In peace

I thought thru lots. Do I like him or do he likes me? Though we do not have each other Contact number. But whenever we are alone in the Train We play like mad. Today he just hold me Arm for almost the whole journey. It was i was abt to fall, He hold me till I let it go. He had also put his arm around my shoulder and this time round trying to hold me close to him... The worst of all, I actually lean on him for the whole journey. While alighting the train, he give me a small squeeze on my neck. Oh Gosh! and his arm around me when we are going down the escalator.

I don't know What is my Feeling clearly. I was in self denied honestly, when he took my specs and i tried to so hard to get it back from him. I told him that I need my spec to look out for nice looking guys. He just told me that Looking @ him is enough.. I just Denied the fact.

but being close to him the feeling was different, we are able to laugh so much without and work related element in it. Just Like a kid, we laugh and play around.
I'm in my 20s and he is in his 30s.. and yet we are like a pair of big kid..... This life and this peace.. Will it be long lived?

安静的语言

The quietness has make me understand myself a little more. Honestly, It feel great to start another journey. There are so many things to forget and forgive. The lingering pain has no effect on me anymore. I had definetly Gotten over the Everything.

The new Journey has begun. But again it start with another person in my life. I was wondering why he hold my hand. Is he serious about me? Was At the Site, Could see that he actually tries to talk to me and tease me. But of cos minus away those touching and holding. And back in office He make me pass him his stack of drawing while he take my PC. And make those funny remark. I was burning.. And i walk up but he move away abit and look at me with a big smile.. While i was grabbing his selvee and squeeze as hard as I can...

This has been driving insane. I mean, I should be nursing my Broken Heart and not think of anything else. But his sudden appearance to my life is right after Lin DH Resignation really shocked me alots.. of cos i have no feeling for DH, But just Feel so sudden. He has brush away all my pain. But I still don't get it, why can't he take my contact number or even invite me out. When I KPOin his date, He was asking if i'm dying to date him out. But Crap, Yet he lean on me on the train and poke and pat me as much as he can.

Honestly, I can't forget the feeling of leaning on him. I meant, Gosh, For the first time, a stranger to my world put his arm over my shoulder and stroke my back and hold my hand and consistently,teasing me. This feeling is still so raw. I really nv thought of that much.

Now What

I could say, I'm swept off.. Gosh! he held my hands and tries hard to hold my right hand, while i try to let it go. He just placed his hands over my shoulder while walking or even my back. When I grab his hand, he will say " are you trying to hold me for life".. And we just argue and tease each other so much... I'm totally Clear of what he wants, though he never say anything. I Just don't expect that he had done it on me. When i said "What The hell" he was smiling and look kinda of shocked, telling me to be more graceful, while i shot back and dare him to challenge me, he just trying to play the reverse thingy.. In the end, he just said " Just be yourself". He even lean on me while I was thinkin to whack him up.. So WHat's next?

风。懂。 爱。 荒

Couldn't believe that i actually get to talk out what is hidden me the most, that simple dream!! Though he is older than me by a yr old, but i feel that he is very mature for his age. Not a typical Greed and ambitious person. Very real and very simple to me.

I had never never hang around with this type of person for so long. Guess more that 2years? Other than Yixuan.. He make me feel that I too can be myself and stay happy.
Feel Gald to know that there are this type of person around.

I don't understand older guys. They wanted so may things and yet some of the it are just too beyond their means and they simply can't see their own limits. Was it real or was it fanasty for them. Seems like they want the best of both worlds.

Was money important to our happiness? Chasing after a dream was never a fault or crappy path. But losing everything not knowing the reasons why with nothing but money as a compensation. Worth it? In this company, I learn alot on the thinking and character of humans. It make me feels that this life is worthless to live on afterall. It is not a world of love, but a world money lover

Soon be gone

What Can I say. MY life seem to be so tied up. Can't believe that i got to live in the agony of living like it was myself when i'm not. Sadly, I love the Toughness of the challenge but hate to balance the toughness of the issue with the human relationship. Can't believe it right?
This morning, was running late. and I met TanBt @ the office lift.. Oh man, he is always looking for something for me. I feel so lost... We could talk and laugh.. and he would pet me or tease me playfully. I love the way he try to pet me/ or even when he touch me. But something seems too much for me to control.
Gosh. I'm so stressed up.. Can i Be gone....

Loving every moment?

"you so fat still want to eat cake" --> TanBT said.. But What has it got to do with him... I was his little pet... Being pet everyday by him and hold by him. Could say that I do enjoy every little time we have. Though sometimes I was like abit uncomfortable by his touch of affection. But the touch is so soft. But I'm Scared. I'm worry to fall for him and I need to avoid him but he will just appear in front of me. Pulling me into his little craze while chasing me away from his craze. Sometimes I just wish to see him. I don't know. Gosh.. Why issit so Complicated?!?!?!

A step out of the past

" Lydia, with your vague gaze
Why do you wander with an ocean of heartbreak
You've been hurt; even your smile paces about
Gypsy girl, who do you sing for?
You will see fog, see rain, see the sun
The cracked earth yields heartache again
He left, but can't take away your heaven
When the storm is over it will leave a rainbow
He left, so you can leave your dreams behind
There must be a place to wait for love to take flight
Lydia, happiness isn't far away
Open your windows, and make a wish
You will feel love, feel hate, feel forgiveness
Life will not always be filled with heartache
He left, but can't take away your heaven
When the storm is over it will leave a rainbow
He left, so you can leave your dreams behind
There must be a place to wait for love to take flight
He left, but can't take away your heaven
When the storm is over it will leave a rainbow
He left, so you can leave your dreams behind
There must be a place to wait for love to take flight"

This song from F.I.R -Lydia, Had make me understand the meaning of love. It does not come easily. But it is the ability to walk out of the past and continue the journey bravely and allow oneself to open up and willing to take a new step. The price of love come in with jealousy, hatred and it will be a beauty if one is able to forgive and forgo the past. so what is the next step then?

爱是。。。。

What is love? To love someone unconditionally? So what is the condition? Having someone including all the imperfection? But what is imperfection and how much we can contain and accept the imperfection? If to love someone without any requirement how bitter will life be. Believe that never will it occured to you that you have fallen for the wrong person? But with all the requirement and expectation then how long will the right one appear then?

See There is no true love in life at all. Loving someone is to see someone happy and do not suffer. Isn't that is the greatest kind of love? So, What is true love then?

All I know, to be happy and to see the person i love living a life of happiness and fulfilment is the greatest gift for me. True love seems never once appear in front of me. I had it all once and yet i just let it slip away. The pain had drove me to depression and all the false hope i cling on just to live on. This pain has linger in me long enough.

I have lost all the love I can give to the someone Special. Neither do I able to love myself and trust my own instinct. I'm just like a working machine, a loveless and lifeless machine. Life, Love who are they? A living desire or a life sentence to
eternity?

Everlasting

English - BoA

"Light pours down and the wind blows
On the snowflakes that remain on the roadside
Whether I hold my head high or look down
The seasons don’t stop moving

Our words, “See you” and “See you again”
Were like a pinky promise
Will we forget all of each other’s familiar mannerisms?
Will we go on to different futures?

If this goodbye is forever
Then I’ll give you all my smiles
The way we met and the streets we walked
Will live on in our hearts

I’ll never, ever forget you
No matter how many doors I open
No matter how far apart we are
I’ll never let go of your hand

I have to forget you, even if I have to force myself to
I can’t become a new person
The platform begins to move, and on the other side
You get smaller

Those times you gave up, that was for me
You cried with me and said it was OK
I’ll grow stronger and less ashamed
I promise you, I’ll fulfil my dreams

Silent tears
Are falling in my heart
But I’ll move on with no regrets
I’m sorry for your tenderness
Until we meet again

Everlasting...

If this goodbye is forever
Then I’ll give you all my smiles
The way we met and the streets we walked
Will live on in our hearts

I’ll never, ever forget you
No matter how many doors I open
No matter how far apart we are
I’ll never let go of your hand"

That is everlasting only in my memory. The pain seem to fade away. The smile seems to be a scrowl. Perhaps, it time for growing up, a time to renew all relationship and move on from the past. ISn't something I had Dreamt and waited for all my life. I love the last verse. I nv forget the love in my life, and no matter how far apart that is always a part of the love in my memory. Even there is a change of heart, this heart still remember the good times I had.
Time to renew and restart a new relationship. Time to move with no regrets. Everlasting in my heart and in my soul esp for the person I yearn for all my life....

First love

Surprise to see the guy who i like in Secondary. And he still remember me and where i stay.. Though the days are hard. The feeling still the same. that familiar face, that voice remind me of those days. Yeah We always argue and pick on each other. But hey he did change to be more mature. and OF cos Taller than me lots. Was like a consolation to this darn life i have. I just feel so raw.. I wonder Why and how Do i fell for him and yet for 5 yrs of my life. esp i can reject anyone who wants to come to my life just for him. But right now, as we move to a different stages of our life, even we meet on the streets was like a bonus to all of us. Yesh life do change and I hope to see him again. And i will still cherish him as a friend...

Worst Weekend

I could say I really Have a bad start of the weekend... Anyway.. Kind of sick of the CCTV set up thingy... Sianz... Anyway, I will do my best and finish it up ASAP...
Gosh.. I'm so tired with all the work and all the stuff.. Feel like breaking down...

Was angry ytd with some stupid idiot Bro Neo Comments. Though just a type of causal chat. But i dun think it is fair to point and assume that We are doin nothing but only invading their privacy!!! I hate that! I start to dislike this stupid job...

I don't know is a joke or what... But can u believe that on thurs I was chatting with Tan BT and joking with him.. whereas a cold shoulder to my so call good Bro Neo.. I don't even know what the Hell I'm DOING!! super tired!!!

Nothing to lose

Yeah. Finally! I got it right.. Joey was right.. I got nothing to lose after all. Bro Neo still make the decision in the end. But too bad, I'm gone. I don't know, he is shy or what.. When i ask about the relationship he just keep it tight-lipped.. And Prefer to change subject. But what i don't understand that, he loves to shake his leg and have his leg brush mine. Even if i move away, he will still do it.

But i really don't see to his point of having a long distance relationship, and that is like 2 trip per yr.. and corresponding email daily... will this last? Hey.. That lady was not pretty.. I could say.. A typical MIC-E That same feature.. I'm not discriminating or trying to be bias. Just that isn't that what i think it is suitable. How that lady will take it? if her BF is somewhere part of the world and they only chat during office hour via email. And worst of all, even those mushy words are text.. Isn't that absurd.. Yes some long distance are very successful, But how much you know that person? Writing to each other don't meant much.. The obstancle that a couple have to go thru. A visit will only try to make both the couple close or just a visitor? Can they see each other body language and know what each other is thinking thru text?

And guess what, somebody replace LinDH.. Disappointing.. Though I still Prefer Lin DH to be there. and How much i wish that he is still there.. Though his sense of humour is totallly ZERO.. but how much i wish to see his face.. and that smile whenever i'm saying something bad. Of cos his expression whenever, i'm clumsy enough for an accident.. But there is nothing to dwell about the past.. Nothing will ever change our relationship and our attitude towards each other...

But it is none of my Business. I better take care of myself. Gald that I have nothing to lose. this has set me free. And i shall leave it to the hands of fate.. I'll just do my best and let god do the rest...

"Play instead of Work"

"What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end.
Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.
Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.
What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.
Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.
The most important is this: do not work.
Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.
Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. "

Extract from "LIFE AND HOW TO SURVIVE IT
Convocation address"
Yeah. Somehow it do make sense. You see, Workin life is like taking all our life. But then if you find that satisfication and that enjoyment in work, you will excel and do well. That is something about passion and also that real interest and that love we have. We are all childish. Even if we have lived in this world for 300 years we are still a kid @ heart. We do still have that little dream that little naive in us. But then why we must hide and surpress it and take it with us till the day we die?
Isn't it sad? This is something I have to live it up. My little kid in me will not be surpress deep inside of me. But it will live with me and be shared with the people around me. I will follow my passion instead of work. That satisfication is what i seek and not that material wealth. OF cause in Some stupid Cow sense. that material wealth must be enough for me to tie thru all the trouble.

THanks Alot to my Colleague who send to me this speech.

Let freedom Ring

Martin Luther King just happen to come across my mind. The song and the speech he pen was certainly Inspiring. I could say I was inspired.What was freedom to me? A peace of mind alone in my own world? or having my world shared with the very special someone?
"We cannot walk alone.
And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead.
We cannot turn back."
Yes! this path maybe lonely. But hey, we are lucky enough to open our eyes everyday and to be able to hear and see the bird and hear them chirping. We are able to feel the breeze brushing thru our face, Seeing the smile of the children and hear them laugh. Wasn't that simple? a place with that naive and yet true happiness without any motive or even any hard feelings.

Will I let the freedom ring? will i able to set myself out of the zone that was blinding me from the start?

"Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.
And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have dream."

IS this how I'm feeling now? A salve of this modern, demanding yet judgement-based society? A place where I feel that I can't Breathe?

Movie Jitters

"We cannot change the cards we are dealt with, just how we play the hand".
How True is this Statement. Yeah, sometimes things just don't our ways, we just need to be adaptive to our environment and try to be resourceful to achieve our goal. Of Cause this Achievement has to be from an honest and clear source.
But the Question is what is honest and how much is honest then?

Ytd when to watch Boys of Flower. It was Disappointing I could Say. If the Lady lead can't make up her mind to the marriage after all she and the lead had gone thru, it is like "hey Have you love him and taken this relationship serious enough?" I can't denied that it is impossible not to have the wedding jitters. but After goin thru so much yet you still have your doubt?? The lead was always clear what he want whereas she was still hesitating..

Anyway, Disappointed with the ending.. The actress does not show the Happiness properly. It is like a distance there...

Breathless

What Can i Expect?!?! I was Caught Red handed. Annie and Auntie were saying about MR TanBT and me... They were saying that he wooing me... Honestly, I don't feel anything for him. Just Feel that Very secure when I'm with him. Like a Big Brother. He likes to hold my arms and love to tease me but he sometimes just let me go and be myself.. Allowing me to make my own friends and just join in the fun. He is very protective to me. I remember once he just hold my arm just to stop me dashing across the Road. THe just on tuesday, he was holding my arms now and then and just pull me in and out of the way.

Another Bro Neo? I don't know. I'm just too numb. Bro Neo finally saw me in skirt. and yet He always trying to lord over me, with his whatever and asking question and question. Today he called. when he told me that was him, I goes saying "hmm" well there was a pause a long pause. we just don't know what to say to each other. That pause was abit Weird. we used to laugh and talk happily without any pause or whatever over the line. Was it me or him? Doris keep telling me to forget about him.. It is not forgoing this relationship. We started nothing @ first. just that the mixed signal is too bold and too fast.. But I could feel that we are @ the End of the Road. It will the moment that we choose to let go or to continue. Well it is all depends on him. A few emails weekly and sometimes a few visits from him(Usually Monday and Tues) and sometimes a bo chap attitude... Whenever he shake his leg, his leg will always brushes mine... And Stupidly I just let him be.

I must Crazy and weird... Now Another GohHB.. He seems to be so shy to ask me or talk to me.. Can't he be more bold...

Should I or not

在我的心里，我真的不知道我要的是舍得还是不舍得。我好傻. Having to travel so much in this path, going thru all the odds. And yet, Deep in me I still yearn for the answer that only I can't even answered it. I'm seriously, not sure of what I want in my life. I want that warmth, but my heart is still so cold and stone. I want to free and yet I'm stuck in the Situation that I have hold on even till my last breath.
God! Do I, am I or what? Do i like him/ Did he ever like me. Why He must insist to help me take the monitor, why must him keep questioning if the system on live was done by me. Why must him laugh with the rest of the people but not with me. And yet, we do chat abit serious than the rest。。Even if i told him that jap idol i like, He just asked 那里？ He had tried to give me away.. n yet i nv dislike him a min. And yet I fulfil every little request he has. Our hand touch briefly twice and always and yet i just feel the pain...

是我吗

Suffering that stupid backache.. CBE me!!! I was late for the bus ytd.. guess what Got to stand in the bus lor!!! Sian!!! Then the worst part the back is in pain and the bag got my baby laptop.. Balancing myself @ the same time trying to relax my back.. Just i turn back, I saw Bro Neo staring @ me.. God! I don't know what to say..

Honestly, how I wish i can open his brain and see what he is thinkin.. @ his Dept I was installing Software, he came and ask what I'm Doing, I just causally say install s/w, the user poor thing... He replied me telling me not to sabotage!! WHERE DID I Sabo!!! I need my BONUS TO GO VACATION!!! Then Anyway the 2nd time he walk over, I just Pretend to stare @ the Clock.. Really Angry!!! Sabo!! How I wish, He can be honest to me! Even though he take me as a sister but shldn't he be more natural!! Stupid BRO!!

I don't know is I'm sensitive or what. Just feel so the off... It seems that I can't make up my mind... I can be Super happy with one person but another minute Solemn, Cold or pissed off.. It seems that I Don't know what i want.. Sometimes i do enjoy their attention but I only that attention to reach to a point and no further advancement.. I'm the lost fellow not the rest of the people...
Guess I got to shed away this insecurity and be more open and approachable! of cos that bad temper and some attitude problem! I know I can do it.. OUCH BackAche Now!!

我再也不是我了

我变了. 我不爱了. Yes that is freedom. Can you feel it? I'm able to walk out of my own Bro Neo... People just feel that we are too close and just like a brother and sister.. Yeah.. That is what he feel anyway.. Just few abit sad... That whenever i'm in bad mood he just walk away.. Nv stand close to me to hear me.. I sometimes wonder.. What Do I really Prefer.. Even when I'm on my Skirts he nv say anything, whereas ppl notice and talk about it... But He jus a cold shoulder.. And a Distance look... So I'm Free.. I'm Gald...

Given Away..

I'm disappointed @ my Grade.. Seriously I'm.. I feel so affected and down because of it... can u imagine I score 49% only??? though is a 10% overall quiz, But it is sux to get such a low score.. It will affect my chance of getting an honour!!! super pissed off and dissapointed..

I had a not so great week. Can't Imagine that i Still live in a life that still revolves round with Lin Daohan.. Bro Neo saw me MSN on Friday, the first thing he ask, am I MSNin Lin Daohan... I said no and was Msnin Doris, he was like not happy..
And that Darren keep talking about Lin Dao han... Oh man! this is insane..

What make me feel like being Given away was that, I caught bro neo staring straight @ me across the meeting room with that face i remember he stare @ me when we are alone @ the Container.. And yet he ask me if i Msnin Lin the next moment.. Am I given away?? I feel very numb.. The more I want to go the more I'm attached to him.. Yes I have lost the feeling for him I'm gald I have... But I don't need to be given to LinDH as the result!!!

Off Totally Off

What The Hell!! Finished the Draft one, Waiting for comment and yet.. To my own Dismay that it is not correct. And everything has to be re-plan and to redo.. Crap! I spent So many weeks to think and solve the problem.. Challenging to me But SUX to my Health.. Whatever!!

Bro neo, Oh my God, has been talking to me over the same things for consecutive a few days! oh Man.. And he Still tell me something that I feel like Punching him! " Daohan good guy"! what has it goin to do with me? I don't care... I don't want too. He is so interested that if I called Daohan, and how's is my relationship with Daohan... But honestly, these two weirdo, What they want from me??

铁打的营盘, 流水的兵

Now Can somebody tell me the meaning of 铁打的营盘, 流水的兵??!?! my Chinese is not the super strong type.. and really cannot make it.

Anyway, I'm on my way to look for a solution and the meaning.... Lousy Chinese! Regretted for not studying hard in school

IS me Aunt AGONY?

Super unhappy. Caught in the middle again. Now When did become aunt Agony? Having to listen Bro neo issue he faced esp when he USED DMS? I mean I ready told him I really don't even know how it is function. And Yet he just ask and seek help from me... I really feeling very sick to do things that i feel that I'm stuck.. Esp in front of his Project manager, he keep saying that that why they need ITD help and keep pointing to me... What can i do? Even if I see some of the email he show me?

Even this past two days, we get to talk and chat abit here and there. But honestly, I feel that Is that the Real him? Esp since Lin is no more in the Company.. will this chats last? I don't know.. I just Know Now I'm Aunt Agony for him....

Finally

Finally, 15th August,2008 is the last working day of my bickering immature Colleague. Perhaps Ex-Colleauge? Honestly, I feel blessed to know him. Though sometime the way he talk makes me hate and dislike him lots. But somehow, he melted my heart by his soft approach. Lin DH, the last Gift I give you is a waterman pen. I hope you can write out the best of you and yet a humble self. Thank you for offering me a ride though i did not take it up.

I thank God for allowing me to know Bro Neo and Lin DH. Bro neo is always taking care of my well being while Lin DH also Challenge me. Perhaps, that is the reason why I'm so attached to them. I can't denied that I like them lots. and Sometimes just depised their guts for not being able to live out for their own rights and own direction.

This society is really too much for me. I seems to attached alot of my emotion to it. Time to let go. Time will heal everything right? I won't like to be stuck in this manner anymore

Finally, I'm able to walk the maze of being torn into two.

Leaving all the past

A friendship is something i look forward to. And I'm glad I got a hang of the lonely life I have chosen long ago. The soliditary life is something I look for? Am I willing to spend like this for the rest of my life? In my heart, How much I yearn for someone to love me. But why I appear so tough physically? I'm confuse with my stance and do not know what to do with it.

Things appear to be better between me and Bro Neo. Perhaps because I have chosen friendship? We are able to talk and joke... Maybe because I was alone in a corner.. and his approach was like curiousity or whatever... His questioning look hurts me alot. Esp when Uncle Chong told him not to bully me.. Whereas I can only afford to say no that he won't.

Something to let go I guess. No matter How hurt it is, it is still better for us to be free without any string attached.. What I agree on Lee JH today, we don't judge people, what u see exterior is different from the Interior.. That is something I sure Agree...

End of Smmer Love

I thought everything was like norm.. Summer Love has come to an end. Lin Call me Ytd just to confirm if I had went out for a meal with Bro Neo. Anyway What has it gotta to do with him. I mean I deserve my privacy. Now I can Truely Confirm that they are discussing me all the time. I'm not a beautiful person, neither I have a pretty face. So End of Summer love, Summer Tears should end too.
I just get say I'm free, freedom is what i want and I will go for it..

Honestly, This freedom feeling was from my Friend. Thanks Nic for being there. The loneliness just went away and I'm all clear of What i want.


Here I'm
This is a crazy world
These can be lonely days
It's hard to know who's on your side
Most of the time

Who can you really trust
Who do you really know
Is there anybody out there
Who can make you feel less alone
Sometimes you just can't make it on your own

If you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend

When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am, hmmm

If you have broken dreams
Just lay them all on me
I'll be the one who understands
So take my hand

If there is emptiness
You know I'll do my best
To fill you up with all the love
That I can show someone
I promise you you'll never walk alone

Well if you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
Well I'll always be your friend

When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am, oooo

Everybody needs somebody who
They can pour their heart and soul into

Well if you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend

When you need a shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am, Here I am, mmmmmm

A new Begining

Just as everything seems to go according to what i have wished.. then we are in good terms again.. Bro N visited my desk on Mon and tues.. and a couple email. Well, I just ask him whether to go out or not. He replied me saying that if i go CCK then let him know..
And Guess what... Just as i thought everything was fine.. I was able to joke with Lin DH and we are able to chat like a normal friends, then Bro Neo is running away...
Today I was took the North South train. I was listening to my MP3, then I saw Bro Neo with another guy from ENI. They were chatting abit, then I as far as I know, The ENI guy ask him to talk to me. What I heard from Bro Neo said that "she is listening the MP3" What THe!! That Doesn't mean I cannot take the ear plug down!! this is so crazy.
What pissed me is the one minute hot and cold. the toss around friendship... THIS IS MY NEW BEGINING! I will WALK out OF THEM!!!

East Coast -Family Day

Family Day!!! Finally is over... Dor ask me why I nv talk to Lin Dao han... Darren keep asking me where is my ai ren.... Lin Daohan, both of us so cold to each other and we nv talk at all.. Hmm.. Enjoyed the breeze, veri refreshing and I'm all ready for a new Start!

NUTTY Software/ Web App?

This is totally Nuts... The Face Book is Crazy.. I just Merely hide my Relationship status and Guess what... It start to notify everyone I'm Not single... This IS insane... I'm Still Single, But not Available For God Sake...

Anyway ... Ytd Met MR Lin Again.. I was on my way up to the bus and he was sitting with bro N and both of them did not talk and look so stern... Anyway while i was scanning for a sit.. I caught him staring @ me.. but i just look away quickly.. As for Bro N.. I think he is looking Straight...

Then Just went up to PRoj Dept.. guess what again.. Mr Lin look At me as i walk in.. and instead of jus a brief look he actually stretch himself up as i walk in with PAPA... WTH!! is he up to...

Met him again on the bus home with Bro Neo.. They were discussing about me!!! I was SMSin Steve in Regards of tml appointment.. And I heard it that, Bro/Lin saying " Who is she SMSin, hope it is not me".. Then when Somebody give up his sit for a lady Colleague... I heard Lin Saying to Bro Neo: "Now, You know knw why Elise reject it when u offer your sit".. Bro Neo reply in monotonously: "Yeah, She pei seh".. I realise too, Bro neo hav been ironing out things between me and him... Though I'm not sure What actually happens.
Something i OVerheard:
on the Bus
Bro Neo: " You havn't talk to her yet"
Lin: " No...", then some blah blah ( Can't heard clearly)
then some blah blah...
Bro Neo:" Go talk to her"

Then We talked on the train.. Well talked abit of rubbish....

Confuse..

I'm Confused... I don't know How to put it. Sometimes I just feel like a caged bird.. Waiting for my owner to set me free. And Yet Sometimes i felt like a Bird waiting someone to cage me up.. I don't know how to put it. Today was like meeting my Bro N non-stop in Proj Dept. And a mega watt smile from him... and Uncle Chong Say Lin DH not in.. And I just managed to say "ok"

Kinda of Cold towards him.. But his avoidance is like really insane, Lin can talk to me without Eye Contact... and Guess what, Ytd I was actually thinking of teasing Bro Neo.. But all I could see a tired smile on him....

Doris ask me to consider someone else and not Bro Neo.. All i can Say, Used to consider him, but because of the current situation and i don't know what is his stand, a min of hot and a min of cold,just don't know what he is driving to... I decided to let him go... Was it me or LinDH Avoidance? I don't know... I'm really confused...

Out and Soon be Gone.

Well.. Ytd Was an EMO Day... Can't believe that i ran into Bro N twice. first time in Office and can't imagine that i just said a simple hi, and busy attending my work while leaving him to look @ me. And Met him in the Bus on the way home, I was standing in front of him... I was wondering will he offered me his seat.. Can't believe that he does ask me do i wan to seat. well, jus Rejected his offered.. Saying that I had seat for the past 8 hours. And that LinDH give me a look.. a look that i can't describe it.. And he just continue to avoid me.. Why Why?!!? I don't know what to say... Just seems that I'm totally lost in my own world of life.. Could I say my own Sanity...
I need to change my environment.. It doesn't suit me like i want it to be...

Sensitive New Age

I can't help to think and considering the fact that WHY MR Lin DH is avoiding me? What's wrong with him?!?! Have I done something wrong? Just think about it. Guess What when i sms him to come over to join me and Tan BT, he SMS a super weird replied.
Me:" Hey come over leh Dun be Anti-social"
He:" You Enjoy"
Me:" huh?!?"
Stupid right... What's wrong with him.. Even after i walked over after Tan BT urged me again.. He just avoid talking to me. When Tan BT was mentionin Sabarok, he was like not very happy. What's wrong? Is it me?!?! or What?!?!

I could say I'm in a good term with Tan BT now... He likes to tease me and rebuke what I say... Remind me of my school days.. I missed those days lots....

Bro Neo Came and look for me yesterday.. Well talk abit. When Doris mention about Lin DH Resignation and urge him not too, his expression is abit stone... I don't know.. My friendship with them is so fragile and i don't know.. just plainly lost...

Speechless

What could I say... Lin DH finally Resigned.. I was shocked that he actually Choose this time to resign.. Esp without getting any offer.. That is super bold of him. What Can i say.. As a friend I really will miss him.. Becos to be honest without him, I will not get to know Bro Neo and some of the other Proj Engineer so well.. and without him, I will not be challenge to move and race against for more knowledge...
Without him, I will still be a quiet mouse, letting people to bully.. He really make a small impact to my life. He is the first person in the Company to be so brave to test my tolerance and temper.. And yet, just let me vent it on him...

I will miss him for that... the super scarastic remark.. and his stupid remarks.. kinda of humorous.. Saw him talking with the FC today.. @ the lobby. And when i get in the lift, I caught him staring @ me when the door is closing... his expression... I will miss him.. honestly, Like a big brother... His indirect care has brought me this far... our love- hate relationship was funny.. Surprisingly, it changes alot...

Guess, he is my Reflection, where i see myself in him...... how i wish to have the courage to tender my resignation and leave the company... just like him... Good Luck Lin DH..

Never back down

Never back down. The distance is totally insane.. A minute of hot and a minute of cold. This is impossible for me to understand what the H*ll he wants or perhaps both of them want.. A small smile In the Bus and that it... A small talk No There isn't but he just enjoys staring at my back?!?! or seeing me go?? or just that he enjoys people walking away even if is a he?? I really don't understand. I need to let go.. Perhaps I shouldn't wait anymore.. I have my OWN sky Too.

I don't know... Whereas, there are people just enjoys talking to me and teasing me. but why he just shun away from me? AM i so ashame or what? I don't know Just want to let go and back down.. But anyway I shadn't bother.... Sick of Guessing... I should be Happy... As i hav Make some new friends a relative new colleague. Of cos he started the Conversation.. ISn't that's sweet?

The Journey Never End

Just finished "A Walk to Remember" movie. Oh man I cried three times. It is a sad film. But Somehow, I feel blessed to watch this film, Because I realize I will see things and learn from people, Like wise, people will learn from me. And Perhaps, One day when I'm Gone, I will leave a foot prints in their lifes too..

Okie.. This morning @work was super busy... Bro N happen to saw me and I can feel that he is staring @ me.. He walked past my path and ask me if I'm busy. In the afternoon, I met him again, and he ask was I busy? I just told him my arms are numb.

@ the Evening I met him again, He asked me how was my arms and I just answered abit and left quickly( meeting my Friend--> Zhen Cong more impt than him)

Man.. I can feel that when he aproach me, LinDH will stand aside...
We are suppose to be friend right? Even when we are togather we must say Hi right?
Why Does Bro Neo have to be so caring? Why Lin DH have to be so nice to me when Bro Neo is not around? Why Bro Neo is around why LinDH has to stand aside? or when the both togather, I'm isolated? We can't talk?? This is absurd.. He likes me or not?
Can't he Put his stand clear. Sick of guessing.

New Start

Could say, I'm having a new starting. Instead of being more outgoing I'm becoming a hermit!! --> this is Insane!!! Okie!! Getting to know MR TanBT well.. He Keep Teasing me ... and hold me when i'm about to jay walk again( oh man! I thought i'm still in Saigon, MY soul is not back yet!) Anyway! Hope that my new start will be a brand new beginning and perhaps, Heading to a better and greating direction

Went for the Gathering with my OI Friends again!! Haha!! feel so happy to be with them... ESP bian tai, i see a big change in Him and I'm Super glad about that.. He offered to use his dad car to drive me home.. Well, Sometimes circumstances changes people. Feel so glad to a see a healthy change in all my friends...

Pulling away

Could say this vietnam trip had pulled me away from my past. So many thinking and thoughts just run thru my head... All the "IF" situation and all the "WHY" situation just run thru my head.

Bro N did come and look for me on the 9th of July around 8 sth.. Could say was in a sleepy and bad mood. MY colleague ask me why i so black face when i see him.. I don't know seriously, I don't expect to see him and don't feel like seeing him could say not the very first few person i want to see. This feeling is so raw.. while his boss is here, we only spoke briefly. He came in @ noon again.. This time, we do chat abit then he went off...

Lin DH had asked why i did not buy anything for him.. well what can i say.. Honestly, For the whole trip, i was not thinking of anyone. To me, this trip is very personal! Personal enough for me to reflect on my life and my energy and passion... Having to travel around various places had broaden up my knowledge and my maturity..
Though on the surface I'm still a big kid, but the experience had woke up my senses to loving myself and the people around... Cherishing every single bit of my life and everything. The distance may seems to be so great, but the journey i walked thru is really something i did not expect. Nv expect myself to stand up strong in any circumstances and walk out of the fear of asking and learning new things... this Journey has began.

Then Yesterday,I passed the Sunflower key chain to him and LinDH.. Perhaps, Job has completed. And it time to pull away from the triangle attention. time to walk away and start a new chapter.....

This pic is take in Dalat after a rain.. Something Personal to me. I just Simply love the Light. Reminds me of standing strong

Back From Saigon

Finally!! Back from Saigon... IT was so Terrific FUN!! minus away the Bruise and BUMS!!!
AHEM.... I fell @ valley of Love... Crappy... Slip from the Steps. End up butt on Ground and my Back hit the Concerte... OUCH still in Pain....
Then One Stupid ABC don't know how to put his dumb dumb bag... It fell onto my Head... while the BUS is dancing with the Bumpy Road...

Grumpy Right?!?! Overall, Was a great Trip!!! I learnt how to bargain, sit on the Motorcycle without that monkey box behind... Learn to cross the road like nobody business and of cos! Taking care of myself in a foreign land that I never never step in... Haha and with the horrenous Language barrier and constant worries of lack of money and also... Calculating Cost and cost...

I had also learnt to cherish my environment and the people around me... Considering myself lucky... I can just simply go home by train without having to go thru all the dusty carbon road... I can hav my personal Laptop and computer and surf internet @ my own home... Best part is I'm NOT On the mercy of anybody!

While the world is constantly changing, some people rise and some people fall and some people just remain @ their own time.... Sometimes I do wonder and ponder, How much does it takes to raise, especially you are like nobody in a land of millions of people hungry for knowledge, power, wealth.. Perhaps, this shallowness of thinking have yet passed to it the limits... And it is also the starting point of my life to map out my direction and my passion..

This trip has made me stronger, wiser... I learnt to make decision wisely and be more patient and understanding to the needs of people. No more childishness in me.. Because, I'm responsible for myself and my travel campanion... More Craziness and more daringness to try new things--> eat their local food( end up toliet non stop), Climb the Chu chi Tunnel--> only one tunnel, My leg super pain.... squeezing in the crowd --> Their non-tourist market, bargaining @ the Ben Tren Market... Asking for direction and learn to navigate with our own sense....

Ermm... Photos to Share...
Day One, AirCraft, Food and The Chu Chi tunnel.






Day 2- Dinner, Scenery to Dalat, Dalat-Empress Hotel,Dalat Scenery










Day 3- Views of Dalat and some attraction











Day 4- Breakfast in Dalat and Dinner Dessert @Saigon





Day 5- Morning Coffee, Airport and City traffic

Mature Vs old Vs Young Vs Whatever

This is totally absurd! Can't believe it.. I'm NOT a 3 year KID!?!?! Asking for my Views yet cannot accept or understand my meaning!!!

GRR*** Angry!!! This is crazy! Never I have to Pack my back pack tonight... Tomorrow, Saigon Here I Come... I'm so sleepy and Super tired after yesterday stint @ NUH...

Busy & SAIGON HERE I COME

Hmm... Sound so far... Seriously!! Super Busy @ work..Tons of work waiting for me... Sad!! Busy and just could not be bother but wishing i can finish all my Stuff...
Anyway! in SHORT SAIGON HERE I COME!!!

Refresh. Stress

Stress, the Vietnam trip so messy... So the stress. with all the stuff.. LEaving on Friday but i have yet to pack my bags... But of cos I know where i shld be heading... Met Bro Neo today, He was telling me that he had drop by my dept today but I was not around(Ahem!! I was @ the Company Dustbin Center with my Boss looking for Router Stand!) haha! But End up he was showing me an article on about company being sue for looking @ private email.. Hmm... Well I'm innocent I could say!! I just remembered to ask him to dig last thurs paper to look for a Jap Star photo.. And i said: " Help me Look! he is my handsome"
Crap! he end up telling Mr Tan Boon Tat to ignore me.. I'm Crazy... Grr*** Stupid bro!!! Well Went home with Mr Tan again.. Haha! more rubbish and more blacklisting.. Sounds like I must leave this company before i get myself burned..

Renew

Okie.. Life don't seems to be bad after all... anyway.. what really surpises me is that for the first time.. Mr Leept, finally talk to me.. Okie joke abit... He called me.. I nv liked him.. Though he has a boyish look, very charming but i nv liked his attitude. to me i felt he is very demanding.. that is sick.. well anyway it is a renewal of impression. Hope that we can be friends and able to communicate like a normal friend. When he walk in, lookin @ cyn face i know that cyn like him.. the look she give him.. i nv even bother to turn my back to talk to him.. unless he is my bro Neo.. even if is bro Neo, still the same treatment.. Oh I did get over Bro neo.. life is not bad esp if u take out the pain in you.

Today,Bizhen Jie jie Sms me informing that Viet has Cholera.. Though abit scare scare.. but I'm really into my holiday now.. I rmb I told Bro Neo, Because of him i'll resign and he asked me, how long will I go viet! I simply told him I will marry there. And guess what he ask, are the guys there good and he start mumbling all the guys "virute" to me.. indicating he is the best type, no smoking, no drinkin, no gambling and blah blah... Thanks bro..

Insanity

Can't Believe it... Good that everything become clear.. though it is not sure to be true or not... One minute of hot and cold from him.. Messy.. Still trying to recall his expression @ the MRT station Yesterday.. a look of hard to let go type... that tight lip smile....

Talking to him still remains the same.. Not much difference, Laughter and abit flirting I can say.. He showed me his new Handphone, Nudge me...Okie.. Good to know that he like a china girl... Though I personally feel that it is impossible... esp a distance relationship.. That all the update between me and him..

Super pissed off esp me and my mom is in a cold war era.. Certainly, she has a rich imgination of incest... Well perhaps it suit her... She is so insulting. But I don't really in the mood to answer her back... anyway, if she thinks she is always right then be it... I plan to move out and plan to led my own life.. Hate to be under her domiance control.. So be it! Her curse! let her swear... The problem lies on her... She is so Sensitive, so absurd, so The NOT understanding... Let see who get the last laugh...

Time to let go.

If life is as beautiful as a painting, will it be sweet from the very first day till the end? If life has no hardship, will be as boring as ever? If only life has the best and the worst in all, will it be interesting??

Temper, Rage, how do I cast you down the sea?
Longing how do I numb you?
Happiness where do I find you?

If only You could open your eyes, If only..

Time to cast the shadow away and flee away. Time to drop the trouble and break free from the affair of heart? Time stand still, waiting for me to make a decision, with all the factors thrown in waiting me to solve. If this is what I want, I should move on.. I don't want to fall, I don't have the courage to stand up anymore! I'm tired of this World, Tired of this Rage, tired of This Time span I had lived, Tired of Waiting for the answer from the love I seek. Tired of this stand still. Time to let go, time to fly even with this broken wing, time to walk out of the past

In line

Got my Result.. Could Say overall Okie, On track. With a GPA of 4.0 considered 2nd class Upper Honors i should be aiming.. Happy and satisfied with result.
Anyway, today was super, duper, freaking, duper, crazily Busy...
Well only get an Email from Bro telling is telling that today is Friday..
guess he is trying to Perk me up and make me happy.

Bro!! I Want to keep a distance yet, u are approaching me, charging me against the flow...

Bro, When u look in my eyes, I feel myself safe in your heaven and in a paradise. Is this what you want drowning me in your love and in care..


*LYRICS*


If the heart is always searching,
Can you ever find a home?
I've been looking for that someone,
I'll never make it on my own.
Dreams can't take the place of loving you,
There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

How long will I be waiting,
To be with you again
Gonna tell you that I love you,
In the best way that I can.
I can't take a day without you here,
You're the light that makes my darkness disappear.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

More and more, I start to realize,
I can reach my tomorrow,
I can hold my head up high,
And it's all because you're by my side.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When I hold you in my arms,
I know that it's forever.
I just gotta let you know,
I never wanna let you go.

When you look me in the eyes.

And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.
Oh

It happen again

Sick of those ham Cheese Sandwich Situation... Everything dumped to you and expected you to clear all the bottle neck work.. Depressing!! Offending the fellow colleague for the department resources and issue.. Why those things are not done PROPERLY!! this is so Sick!!! Feel so demoralize.. having to finish so many things without any offer of help...

Bro Neo happen to drop by to my Dept again... Just came to say hi to me.. Though he claimed that he drop by while collecting his $$.. Well, this is the second time.. he asked me how is my Computer..... I really don't know what he is trying to do.. Why everytime he see me he is so happy, and greet me readily.. But I really Don't understand.. Are we supposed to share a destiny? I miss you bro.. U give me the best time in this Company.. Your care and concern will spolit me rotted.. But i just love the way u look @ me, the way you talk to me, the way you laugh and correct me when i'm wrong and most importantly, the way u take care of me.. No other guy will do that.. You are the first person who show you displeasue when i say i want to go on Diet, you are the first to smile and cheer me up when I'm down.. I don't know how to thank you... I don't know how to shake off this shadow of love you gave to me... I'm drowning in your love, your care... I don't know bro... Tell me, what you expect of me....

Distance.

It just Pierce through my heart.. We are so distance, though so much I wish we have no connection, no communication, but I realise it hurts when i see you, it hurts when i can't laugh with you... It no more the same as it was back @ site.. Where we can laugh and talk carefreely.. Miss those times, though they are short but they are sweet. Why must u treat me so well @ the first place, why must u shut me out of your life when there is a crowd. I don't understand! you and me are friends but why the distance? I just don't understand.

Meet again..

Darn Pissed off!! My friends just don't seem to understand the importance of planning and later will start regretting... And Goodness me.. They Shoot me like nobody business, End Up me and Steve... Super unhappy! sick dun want to say, Don't want to go just SMS and Say earlier, don't make me travel all the way there then get to know the answer. This people! so unreasonable!!!

I have thought thru... it time to let go.. Goodbye Bro, time for me to breathe. I hate to guess and analyse all the situation.. We get nothing started and is only my wishful thinking... A like or dislike was nv given by me too.. Counted me as my fault...


The LYrics will describe all

We will meet again

It's hard to say goodbye
It hurts to be alone

And all that is left is a memory
To love and to keep
as a part of me
It's you, no one else but you
Say what can I do
I miss you so

It's hard to let you go
It's hard to ease my pain
But I'll do it all for you
Because I know you'd do the same
And how hard it all may seem
You're always in my dreams

We we will meet again
Far beyond the stormy weather
Far beyond the cloudy skies
We we will meet again
When we do we will last forever
When we do we will stay together
You and me

We were meant to be
In perfect harmony
But every day that goes
by is reminding me
There're so many things
that you left by me

You see
And every little thing
Has it's own story

They're tellin' me
An hour seems so long
Help me to be strong
You were the meaning of my life
And I can't go on without
I am shouting out my pain
There must be a way

[ CHORUS ]

As a friend
As a mother
As a beautiful flower
As a wife
As a lover
You had me climbing up your tower
As my guardian angel
Under your protection
As the light of my life
You gave me so much affection
I´m so lucky that once I
got to know you
It was hard for me to say it
But I totally adored you
Is life fair
I´ll never stop believing
Our time will come
Because there must be a meaning

[ CHORUS x2 ]

我的哥哥- 原来 is for you

Today was like crazy!! Busy the whole day, with the stuff to do and the work just increase non-stop. Lucky the Programming project had end!
Alright Could say today was pretty fine... Took Train with Boon Tat.. First time he talk to me so much.. Haha!! Very interesting and gentle guy I could describe him.. Smile so much when he talk to me.. Hahaha.
Back to my horrible bro neo... He is super cute! walk in to my dept and I was so stunned to see him in his super short botak hair... And I just asked him what he had done to his hair. He said Obviously, he had cut it... Then I asked him how can I help him, he said no he was wondering how was my PC.. I just blankly answer him, it is okie.. And he walk away abit Sad... GRRR!!! Crazy brother...
Then I email ask him why he cut so short, Reminded me of Durian..
He Replied, saying his Girl friend say he look good with short botak hair..
I Replied sure or not? Cannot Stand it... your girl friend, April, Lin DH or A to Z??
Stupid!!!! Crazy!!

原来

街灯绊住我眼前
下一步
拉长的影子
嘲弄的回顾
电话亭仍留着你的话
一句话掉一滴泪
今晚的我 会是如何入睡
原来最疼痛的表情竟是没有情绪
原来最残忍的画面可以甜言蜜语
我不懂得如何更爱你
影子讽刺地 跟着我难分难离
原来最孤单的是我还是那么想你
原来最悲哀的是我不能面对自己
你 收的干净
我也会 不留一点痕迹
说故事也要像是真的
可是别触动那些回忆
今夜你说了最后一句
一句话 掉一滴泪
看来今晚的我 很难入睡

我想

Oh man! This is getting out of hand.... He make a art piece ytd and emailed to go up and see... But i Did not went up... So today morning he reminded me again and said his Monitor has some issue. guess what! he ask me am i happy today... I told him i'm happy everyday. He then said, since u are in a good mood, he shall not show me the art piece. I told him I want to see it... He showed me two pair of gloves. He said the Dirty pair is the past, the clean pair is the present. So I asked him where the future. He just smiled at me.... I don't understand, Why he nv told Lin DH about it... Oh man! Why must he make me fall for him.. Should i ?

不死之身

阳光放弃这最后一秒
让世界被黑暗笼罩
惩罚着人们的骄傲
我忍受寒冷的煎熬
和北风狂妄的咆哮
对命运做抵抗
这是无法避免的浩劫
不论你以为你是谁
任何事情任何一切
喔亲爱的别难过
只要紧紧握着我的手
地球毁灭了以后
我仍爱你爱的不知天高地厚
为你再造一个新宇宙
不死之身不死的温柔
这是无法避免的浩劫
不论你以为你是谁
任何事情任何一切
喔亲爱的别难过
只要紧紧握着我的手

撑着悲伤不回头
却感觉此刻你停不了的泪流
唯有爱才能永垂不朽
唯有你我才能找回我
唯有你我才能找回我
唯有你我才能找回我

Q & A

He told me his next project just for my next information. Why Should I know?
I'm Lost! I don't know What Am i suppose to say... Are we in for each other or what? Good to know What he is in.. But it is too much detail for me. 我最爱的人 is him or what? I'm really Lost. I enjoy his Accompany, but just feel weird, @ jobSite and Office the feeling is very different.. Just Can u imagine the Lin DH ask me if I'm having lunch with him today in front of him.... And i just goes "Huh?!? got MEH?" and Saw him displaying his lunch today... MAybe I'm too blur.. While in the afternoon, Stupid Lin DH bluff me again, saying Darren was lookin for me!! Well three of us start to email again... haha! I can't wait to Punch Lin DH..

Amo a mi hermano

Amo a mi hermano ( I love my Brother). Haha! Yeah! my Bro Neo Give me a post card with his little Wishes for my Birhtday! Shocking when i see the email! He said:" YTD you nv come up, I got a surprise" Very Sweet of him... hmm.. I guess I really Like him lots. He helped me to move the PC--> not everyone in Office does...
Well, While he is busy moving his files, I quickly dismantle A resigned staff PC, while I was moving, Dennis Came up and tallk to me.. After which, Bro Neo came and talk to me. But when Uncle Yak Turn around and talk to me, he quickly move away... While I dropped a stack of paper @ the "Hazard" area, Dennis came and help to pick it up, he came again and talk to Dennis and Yeah! leaning on my PC's and Trolley!! Bad Brother... And Goodness, and my hand bleed. I asked him for a plaster, He asked me did i bleed lots.( honestly, is not lots, is MY SKIN Cracking again).. Man! He really Drive me nuts! OF all..... sTill rmb, I don't really like him when i first saw him, thought he very shut out type of person. Nv know, that our relationship become a brother and sister. So close yet so distance.. Any crap will just come out from our mouth, dirty or not!!
Did SMS him with lots of thanks and told him that i really love it lots. He replied that, he brought it back all the way back from China! So sweet of him...

22nd Birthday

Today is my Birthday 22nd of my life. Looking back, life seems to be filled with more dark clouds just feel like A caged bird, Unable to set myself free. This tears just drowned my Sorrow... This Dream seems too far. Perhaps time to let go of everything and to fly out soon.. Guess I need to write my Resume Again!

Alright! My 22nd birthday was quite happy @office. Though I'm not in the mood. To be honest... My Dept with Account uncle and Drivers went out for lunch. Taste good and quite Cheerily Affair.. Bro Neo did ask me if I want a Birthday Lunch togather. But how are we sharing our lunch??!!?! He is having fried rice, so mouthful sharing??? Honestly, everyone in office except me to be with him... Yes I do like him lotz.. But not sure of his stand. Yesterday he gentlely pat my hand for a comment i make and today he hold my arm when i step on his "NEW" shoe( he did make some noise, that is to my dismay!!).. OH GOD! Help me! I'm totally Lost...

Back from Meleka

Just back from Malayasia 2 days back Could SAY HORRIBLE TRAFFIC AT CAUSEWAY!!
Some picture to share!
Morning in the Mist
Morning on the Highway
Ship of the past

ORO

Jelena Tomasevic - Oro

Ko li miluje milo moje,
Ko li usne te snene budi?
Ne zaboravi ime moje
Kada krene da, da te ljubi
Klasje moje, ne spavaj.
Njega ljubi, mene uspavaj.
Ne lomi mi led, vodu nema,
Ne soli mi ranu, suza nema.
Ko li zaigra oro moje?
Neka ne igra za nas dvoje.
Klasje, mene uspavaj.
Nuna nej, nuna nuna nuna nuna nuna nej...
Na Vidovdan probudi me da ga opet pogledam.


English Translation:

Who is caressing my dear one,
Who is waking up those sleepy lips?
Don't forget my name
When my wheat starts to kiss you, do not sleep.
Kiss him, put me to sleep.
Do not break my ice, it has no water,
Do not put salt on my wound, there are no tears.
Who is dancing my hora?
May they not dance for the two of us.
My wheat, put me to sleep.
Nuna ney, nuna nuna nuna nuna nuna ney...
Wake me on St.Vitus' day, so that I look at him again.

大哥，小妹

ha! Sounds like ages that i blog!! Cool! alrite! On thurs just went out with my Bro Neo after work! I went to Sabarok!... Suppose to go back on the 3 something ferry... But because we had an appointment so I have to wait for him on the island till 5pm.... Well Because of thursday, I have to confess to everyone I'm meeting him for coffee and That was not the first time.. Funny right! Okie! We went for dinner, Walk abit @ the Vivo Mall, Okie I Run to Candy empire! He took the Basket and I drop the stuff! strange combination! And guess what we spend the whole evening Disturbing Lin Dao han! Sms him funny stuff. And Bro Just can't stop advertising him...
Can't believe this! he was yaking away saying how great Lin DH is And i must grab the chance to be his girl..So Playfully I sms LinDH saying nv knw He is so the PERFECT that his good bro just can't stop Praising him ... Well He reply that yesh but not as good as his bro though he don't knw Which good part. And my Crazy Bro ask my to reply back Lower part!!! Well CraZily i did( haha!!) He replied that he wants to know who is his brother..... So i ask him to call my Bro neo( bRo neo has not agreed he was saying Lin dh was hinting) Well back again.. LinDH then replied me saying he was wondering if I was with Bro Neo or Darren and we end the conversation with "Enjoy with him then". Okie then he SMS Bro neo commenting that Hope i interested in his wallet and was curious why I was smsing him like a lover... Wah Lau! thanks to My bro Neo!!! all his crazy Ideas!!!
Could say was an enjoyable outing... I do have lots of fun! Guess we betta be a Good Bro and Good Sis.. Well he did say that he treat me as a good little sister.. that is great and funny one minute he said he want to know more girls next minute he said he is not interested in any ladies for the time being!! Crap! He expect his girl to be very traditional! He don't allow me to cross my leg on the table and expect me to be lady like! simply can't stand that
大哥，小妹

Exam over!!

Yay!! Exam Over!!! finally!! Okie okie! Stress is over... But Exam Result stress is one of the top ISsue Here.. Okie! On Wed I sms To bro N to ask whether he is okie... He said got lots of sad stories to tell... But will only tell me when we meet. Well Today he emailed me again... and ask me to how his my illness. We chatted abit then he asked again to meet when I'm Free... He really Will make me fall for him... Oh Man!! no wonder they say... U got Bro N can liao.

Stress, VEXED

Feeling so the F*** up!! So many F*** things to remember in my Small brain!! Stupid Subject stupid SCHOOL!!! BLUFFING MY Money!!! MAKIN ME read and memorise all the useless things jus to for the EXAM! I hate THIS SCHOOL I HATE THIS LIFE I HATE EVERYTHING! I want it out!! I really can't take it anymore.. Yes I'm Crying lots...

SICK!

我病了!! Good No need to take leave and stay @home and study for 2 days!! So far Manage to study a couple of the Topics without any issue... Blasting Better in Time Now! Oh Man!! 我疯了不知道 what to say man! Was meeting my Course mate yesterday to study the 303! end up!!! he is my Senior! from secondary school to Polytechnic to uni! What a small world!!! Interesting stories i heard from him!! At least I finally appriaciate my secondary school more... Anyway That all I will pen! so long then... good luck for my exam...