Thursday, September 30, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Missing him...
this blog has been abandoned for quite some time..there's alot on my mind these days that i feel i really need to express myself. i dont think anyone is still reading this blog, but i also dont really wish for anyone to read it. i know that he wont be reading this..
everyone tell me i should forget him. many people also go through this, this is not the worst. i know that but so what? i still cannot accept it. my heart cannot forget him, or rather dont want to. i cannot let go. i know i should live my own life. but i still miss him so much. have been trying to keep myself occupied, going out almost everyday this week so that i wont think so much. make myself mentally and physically tired and i thought i would be better. but everytime i think that i can do it, i get pushed back down into the pit again. no matter how i keep myself occupied, the silence of the night will still make me think of him all over again. i've not cried for days, but right now i'm missing him terribly. wondering where he is, if he's back home yet. wondering what he has been doing, if he went out and with who. wonder if he gave thought to what i said, if he thought of me or missed me for even a moment etc etc... feel so pathetic.
felt better after i met him to pass him the letter on tuesday. wished i could have told him everything in person though. he said he was busy with work now but promised to give it thought. and so i'm hoping...hoping that he will not close his heart to me yet. i really wanted us to have another chance, even just to try going out as friends again. ending the relationship in this way is just so wrong. i really regret we didnt learn to communicate better. but i really wished we could have a chance to correct that. he didnt give us a chance, didnt talk to me about it and just dropped a bomb suddenly saying feelings have faded. has it really faded so drastically such that he could let go of our 3.5+ yrs relationship just like that? is work and new friends so much more important? do i no longer mean anything to him? i cannot believe that the love is lost after 2-3 months. really sad and disappointed that he didnt even talk to me face to face, didnt even ask me how i feel. he said he's scared i will get hurt if we were to continue. but what about what i think? i'm already hurt now. i really wish we could have sat down to talk about what is the problem, if communication is a problem then put in effort to try and decide TOGETHER if we should continue. not just give up like that, based on his sole decision. what do i mean to him? what does this relationship mean to him? does it really mean nothing to him now? i really hope we could at least go out again.
he means so much to me. he has already become an important part of my life, of me. some people tell me i should never like the guy more than he likes me, that i shouldnt let myself fall in too deeply. but what is love if you dont give your whole heart? i dont understand how to love partially. i tried at the beginning not to let myself fall in too deeply cos i was scared of getting hurt. i pushed him away when he keep wanting to get close. but that did not work. i still fell in in the end. i may be silly but after all this, i still love him. though to him my absence may not affect him much, he can still go on with life as normal and happily. i may be thinking of him all the time but he may never think of me at all. and this is what makes me very sad. i really wish he would not choose to give up on us so easily. if we could at least put in an effort to try again and it really does not work out, at least i can tell myself we have tried but we're just not meant to be. at least i wont have any more regrets. but right now, this will be a big regret in my life, a big question mark, thinking about all the 'what if'.
i miss him... i love him... i need to be strong, but i really hope this is not the end yet..
everyone tell me i should forget him. many people also go through this, this is not the worst. i know that but so what? i still cannot accept it. my heart cannot forget him, or rather dont want to. i cannot let go. i know i should live my own life. but i still miss him so much. have been trying to keep myself occupied, going out almost everyday this week so that i wont think so much. make myself mentally and physically tired and i thought i would be better. but everytime i think that i can do it, i get pushed back down into the pit again. no matter how i keep myself occupied, the silence of the night will still make me think of him all over again. i've not cried for days, but right now i'm missing him terribly. wondering where he is, if he's back home yet. wondering what he has been doing, if he went out and with who. wonder if he gave thought to what i said, if he thought of me or missed me for even a moment etc etc... feel so pathetic.
felt better after i met him to pass him the letter on tuesday. wished i could have told him everything in person though. he said he was busy with work now but promised to give it thought. and so i'm hoping...hoping that he will not close his heart to me yet. i really wanted us to have another chance, even just to try going out as friends again. ending the relationship in this way is just so wrong. i really regret we didnt learn to communicate better. but i really wished we could have a chance to correct that. he didnt give us a chance, didnt talk to me about it and just dropped a bomb suddenly saying feelings have faded. has it really faded so drastically such that he could let go of our 3.5+ yrs relationship just like that? is work and new friends so much more important? do i no longer mean anything to him? i cannot believe that the love is lost after 2-3 months. really sad and disappointed that he didnt even talk to me face to face, didnt even ask me how i feel. he said he's scared i will get hurt if we were to continue. but what about what i think? i'm already hurt now. i really wish we could have sat down to talk about what is the problem, if communication is a problem then put in effort to try and decide TOGETHER if we should continue. not just give up like that, based on his sole decision. what do i mean to him? what does this relationship mean to him? does it really mean nothing to him now? i really hope we could at least go out again.
he means so much to me. he has already become an important part of my life, of me. some people tell me i should never like the guy more than he likes me, that i shouldnt let myself fall in too deeply. but what is love if you dont give your whole heart? i dont understand how to love partially. i tried at the beginning not to let myself fall in too deeply cos i was scared of getting hurt. i pushed him away when he keep wanting to get close. but that did not work. i still fell in in the end. i may be silly but after all this, i still love him. though to him my absence may not affect him much, he can still go on with life as normal and happily. i may be thinking of him all the time but he may never think of me at all. and this is what makes me very sad. i really wish he would not choose to give up on us so easily. if we could at least put in an effort to try again and it really does not work out, at least i can tell myself we have tried but we're just not meant to be. at least i wont have any more regrets. but right now, this will be a big regret in my life, a big question mark, thinking about all the 'what if'.
i miss him... i love him... i need to be strong, but i really hope this is not the end yet..
Monday, January 18, 2010
17012010
finally completed my small mission today and gave it to him. it was long overdue but i really put in effort. but he didnt seem to have any reaction when i gave it to him. wonder if he feels gan dong or if he appreciate my present. maybe i watch too many dramas so i always expect a bigger reaction. i always seem to enjoy more making the present and anticipating the receiver's reaction but most of the time i'll be disappointed. haha.. i really like making things though, it takes my stress away. but i need more creative ideas!
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
weekends (I)
havent blogged in awhile but i had a happy 3 weekends! managed to try a different thing for the past 3 weekends, something whick i think is very important.
Megazip
SC organized an outing to Sentosa's Megazip adventure park. it was newly opened in september, so 3 of us decided to try it out and test our limits! we took up the package for 2 rounds of Climbmax and the Megazip. Climbmax is an obstacle course of walking with ropes,wires and planks at 1 to 3 levels above ground. we started off with level 1 and the xiao didi in our group started with level 2! it was really scary at 1st cos my legs were wobbly balancing on the rope and somehow i kept going in the wrong way such that my safety wire kept getting entangled. had to overcome a series of 10 obstacles and it was tiring! really a test of courage, strength and balancing skill. its only when you relax your body and trust the equipment fully then its easier. but easier said than done.
by the time we were done with level 1, the xiao didi was already finishing level 3. really pei fu these small kids. he finished with such ease while we were struggling. i was really tired and wanted to forgo level 2 but i just continued anyway. surprisingly, i found the front part much easier and could go on with relative ease. then came this obstacle where we had to walk across tiny planks that could barely fit the width of 2 feet, suspended by ropes. sy had already fallen before me and i was scared. through the guidance of the instructors below, i managed to get to the 3rd plank. then i just couldnt continue. my arms were aching from gripping the ropes so tightly and my legs were swinging in bigger and bigger circles as i stayed there longer. i tried again and i just fell through one of the bigger planks. strangely i wasnt afraid of the height as i though i would. but i was too tired with no strength left to climb back up. so the instructor had to rescue me. but i fell the wrong way and my safety wire was entangled. again. i had to somehow hoist myself back through the plank and ropes which were now at my chest level. mission impossible. my arms were useless now and i was dangling like a helpless doll. luckily the instructor managed to pull me up high enough to sit myself on the plank. it was so embarassing that he had to rescue me to the platform but i never felt so thankful. my arms and back felt like they were going to snap. and i still had to complete the rest of the course. i suffered from rope burns on my palms for the rest of the day but i felt a sense of achievement! finally completed something that i didnt know i could do. really a one of a kind experience for me.
next was the megazip! it's a flying fox that spans 450m, speed of up to 50km/hr. it was simply EXHILIRATING!!!! i went down together with sy so our speed could be faster. and i think after the obstacle course, this is like nothing, even when the instructor told me to just let go and dangle my legs. haha.. could even take photos on the way down. the best 1 min of the day!! i would love to do it again.
Megazip
SC organized an outing to Sentosa's Megazip adventure park. it was newly opened in september, so 3 of us decided to try it out and test our limits! we took up the package for 2 rounds of Climbmax and the Megazip. Climbmax is an obstacle course of walking with ropes,wires and planks at 1 to 3 levels above ground. we started off with level 1 and the xiao didi in our group started with level 2! it was really scary at 1st cos my legs were wobbly balancing on the rope and somehow i kept going in the wrong way such that my safety wire kept getting entangled. had to overcome a series of 10 obstacles and it was tiring! really a test of courage, strength and balancing skill. its only when you relax your body and trust the equipment fully then its easier. but easier said than done.
by the time we were done with level 1, the xiao didi was already finishing level 3. really pei fu these small kids. he finished with such ease while we were struggling. i was really tired and wanted to forgo level 2 but i just continued anyway. surprisingly, i found the front part much easier and could go on with relative ease. then came this obstacle where we had to walk across tiny planks that could barely fit the width of 2 feet, suspended by ropes. sy had already fallen before me and i was scared. through the guidance of the instructors below, i managed to get to the 3rd plank. then i just couldnt continue. my arms were aching from gripping the ropes so tightly and my legs were swinging in bigger and bigger circles as i stayed there longer. i tried again and i just fell through one of the bigger planks. strangely i wasnt afraid of the height as i though i would. but i was too tired with no strength left to climb back up. so the instructor had to rescue me. but i fell the wrong way and my safety wire was entangled. again. i had to somehow hoist myself back through the plank and ropes which were now at my chest level. mission impossible. my arms were useless now and i was dangling like a helpless doll. luckily the instructor managed to pull me up high enough to sit myself on the plank. it was so embarassing that he had to rescue me to the platform but i never felt so thankful. my arms and back felt like they were going to snap. and i still had to complete the rest of the course. i suffered from rope burns on my palms for the rest of the day but i felt a sense of achievement! finally completed something that i didnt know i could do. really a one of a kind experience for me.
next was the megazip! it's a flying fox that spans 450m, speed of up to 50km/hr. it was simply EXHILIRATING!!!! i went down together with sy so our speed could be faster. and i think after the obstacle course, this is like nothing, even when the instructor told me to just let go and dangle my legs. haha.. could even take photos on the way down. the best 1 min of the day!! i would love to do it again.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
14102009
saw the jetstar 1-for-1 airfares promotion today.. so tempted!! 2 tix to hongkong only costs $333! but the promotion ends tomorrow.. told ny about it but he only said 'difficult to plan'. wonder if he's even keen at all to go on a trip cos it seems like its only me who keep bringing it up. though we dont know when is his fyp presentation, but it should be over by mid may. and my schedule is not fixed too. but i wish that we could be more spontaneous. i really wanna go on a holiday...
actually my parents are going hongkong in november with my grandpa and aunts. they asked me along but i just dont feel good leaving to play when i know that my work is not done. but the hotel is so cheap!! the same 4 star hotel that we stayed at last year cost about $40 cheaper per night this year. sigh..i do miss the food. hopefully i'll manage to go somewhere next year, preferably with friends..
met up with M and K last night for dinner. tried out Dallas bar and restaurant at boat quay, recommended by my colleague. didnt regret trying cos i love the place! the 1st floor is the bar and it was quite noisy. the waitress took us up to the 2nd floor and its so different! it was totally quiet, plush sofa seats and dim lighting, with side windows overlooking the singapore river. the ambience is really nice. their signature dish was pork ribs and they have 50% discount on mon and tues. i shared the full rack and a cheesecake with K and M ordered rosti with smoked salmon. then ordered the mixed platter for two to share. the mixed platter had chicken and cheese quesedillas, salt and pepper calamari and chicken wings. yummy~ i liked what i ordered. the ribs were really tender and easy to eat and the cheesecake was really soft. tastes different from those i tried before. only the rosti with salmon didnt appeal to me. bill came up to $61. not bad i think. they usually have 20% off the bill if you order before 7.30pm but we already had the 50% off the ribs already. glad we could still meet quite often this year.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
hari raya holiday
met up with lihui, mei and gloria for Klunch at marina square during the monday holiday. havent sang with them since more than 1 year ago so it was fun! we got a very big room with a big lcd screen to ourselves. so nice to have a big screen but the big room was also very cold and we ended up huddling together. haha..
looking forward to going lizan's house for her raya open house! expecting lots of good food! yummy~
Sunday, September 20, 2009
20092009
20-09-2009. a very nice date when many couples choose to get married. and this way the guys have no excuse of forgetting their wedding anniversary! my colleague fy also got married today. =) she invited us to her wedding in JB. this morning, i met sy at kranji to take the bus over to JB. havent been to JB since i was 6 so i was quite excited and feels like i'm going on holiday (i wish..). 10 am and the jam was already forming on the causeway. luckily we were slightly early and manage to avoid the full jam. the new malaysian custom is now located just opposite the City Square shopping mall so its very convenient and i guess much safer too. sy's sis picked us up from the mall and we went back to her house to make up etc before leaving for the restaurant.
the restaurant was located at a golf course clubhouse and we were seated with some other colleagues, he current japanese boss and his wife, and some guy whom i suppose is the groom's friend who had no space at the friends table. so ke lian! we were quite a mixed group so it was kinda awkward. but the 8 course lunch was delicious. the seafood was very fresh and i like the glutinous chicken rice. fy was so pretty! all brides really look the prettiest on their wedding day. the photoshoot album was so nice and she look so different in it. looks like a model. these wedding albums always make me feel the blissfulness and love between the couple. so sweet!
the restaurant was located at a golf course clubhouse and we were seated with some other colleagues, he current japanese boss and his wife, and some guy whom i suppose is the groom's friend who had no space at the friends table. so ke lian! we were quite a mixed group so it was kinda awkward. but the 8 course lunch was delicious. the seafood was very fresh and i like the glutinous chicken rice. fy was so pretty! all brides really look the prettiest on their wedding day. the photoshoot album was so nice and she look so different in it. looks like a model. these wedding albums always make me feel the blissfulness and love between the couple. so sweet!
6 out of the 8 dishes
waiting for her groom...
幸福的背影，往他们共同的未来走去。。。
second wedding of the year and many more to come!