Thursday, October 7, 2010
"Something Heavenly" @ 4:43 PM
Discipline, I need you so much right now.
Sleep, I want you so much right now.
Sanity, I miss you so much right now.
Lord Jesus, you're all I'm running with right now.
I'm so far from what I want to be
Oh I really am my own worst enemy
Please don't let me get the better of me
Take this earthly thing and make it, finally
something Heavenly
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
"Forgiveness" @ 4:11 PM
It's a daily surrender.
God, don't let me get the best of me.
Romans 12:14
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
"All nighters @ Mackers" @ 2:33 PM
Productive.
Brilliant.
Comfortable.
Painful aftermaths.
Probably not such a great idea after all.*chuckles*
Sunday, September 26, 2010
"Project "Ali Ko Kluar Skrg!"" @ 10:40 PM
Was one of those days where you think it will end just as it is.
Because you forget,
you have creative yet absolutely unreliable people as friends,
And they like scaring the living daylights out of you,
Out of the blue, out of nowhere,
By pretending to be a very angry Malay speaking dude
looking for a runaway Ali.
But yes, one of the better pranks indeed.
What? Do I have a "Hey Prank Me" sign on my forehead?
I'll remember this: Ryan.T, Terence Lourdes, Joseph.R.
One day I'll repay you in kind. =)
Just you wait. Oh boy, oh joy!
Saturday, September 25, 2010
"Simple joys" @ 11:48 PM
In my life of late there are many simple joys.
Running in the rain with Joanna and Japheth.
Walking Wui Jia home with Kenson and Japheth.
Running around campus in the dark of the night.
Long drives home just singing aloud with friends.
That precious sleep after a long assignment haul.
First sips of caffeine.
Talking to You in the morning.
Waking up to Bubbles licking my face.
Laughter.
Till it hurts the shoulder.
I see the people that makes my life,
and I know that God is good to me.
Friday, August 20, 2010
"Living & Loving with Jesus" @ 1:44 PM
is ultimately, what I want to do for the rest of my life.
This morning I opened up this tiny blue box I got from 95% Training somewhere earlier this year. We were asked to write down all the dreams and goals we could think of in that short moment, and to keep it in the box. Its the first time I opened it up again after that, so I was pouring over it and wondering where I am right now with my goals. So amongst some of the things I jotted down and will always want to keep in mind were,
1. To live for Christ and not make Him worry bout me too much.
2. To be a good influence on my siblings. Especially to my younger sister. Sometimes our age gaps creates differences that makes it very hard for me to relate to her and very hard for her to reach out to me. ): I want to be that sister that she can look up to and say, "Man, that Jesus guy sure is awesome. It makes my Jie joyful. I want it too."
3 To encourage the younger generation to own Malaysia. Or else who is going to own Malaysia? Let Singaporeans come and take our land ah?
4. Marry the man I love. Here I would probably expand it more specifically and say marry the man who loves Jesus and me, whom I love. *laughs* I know that I keep saying its hard for me to imagine myself married right now, but I believe I will eventually mellow down and want to settle down wannn... the key word here is eventually.
5. Raise children to love Christ. I will always want my kids to grow up in a Christ centered family and have the love of not two but THREE parents. (or was it SIX? cause got Trinity and all...) We will have family traditions like the kids taking turn to say grace at the dinner table, and daddy will lead the kids to say thank you Jesus each night before bedtime. And they will grow up to be good people that has love, kindness and compassion for others. :)
6. To serve others. There's many ways and outlets to do this, as numerous as the different needs of different people in different points on the earth. So right now I don't know how to do this exactly in the future, or where I should be going to serve the needy. Yet I want to first cultivate that heart to serve in the places I am already at, like in Uni and in AFS, and in the places that I can reach, like Malaysia!
7. To be able, at the end of my days, to tell God I tried my very best. I think one of the greatest, if not only the most important and lasting compliment anyone can give is God saying, "Hey, good job." But even if at the end of the day I didn't do such a good job living my life right for Christ, I still want to be able to stand before Him and say I tried my best with confidence knowing that I really did try.
There were other bits of random things I wanted to do that was written down, like opening an animal shelter, visiting all the Disneylands in the world and owning a library at home etc... but unless it is centered around Christ, I want to make sure it is only of secondary importance in my life.
p.s. On a random note, I registered for application to Travel and Work USA. Gonna sign up for the February intake. Excited!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
"late night thoughts" @ 3:05 AM
Been sleeping at odd hours again lately. First it was due to assignments, but these days its just the haywired bio-clock running out of ticks. I find myself just sitting sometimes, thinking too much. Tonight is one of such nights, so
Dad and I have been having long conversations about many things.
Of the many, we kept coming back to today's CF topic on Chinese culture and how Dad's love fills in the gaps of Chinese homes. The speaker was a funny man, but at times the things he said was so spot on I was afraid I would cry midway of laughing, remembering how it was like growing up. To a certain extend, I never did realize the vacuum and the gaps in the family until I knew Jesus. The Jesus Love is so radically different, so free, so abundant, so non-judgmental, so kind and so real, that I began to see what my family lacked relationally that I think I began to despair somewhere a little along the way. When I began to see, the cracks had already started forming, and it snowballed so fast that there was this deep trench between my parents and I that I could never seem to close in on. I love my family and I really have a heart for them even though I may not show it in the best ways, but sometimes I cannot say for sure its the same for them at all. I quite hated it.
Sometimes I don't know why I go home for.
The speaker began to point out these things one by one, and you begin to realize its the cultural background and how our parents were brought up to behave in that way towards their kids. Sure we may be in the 21st century, but some things just stick on like super-glue.
So tonight Dad showed me my family in a perspective I never tried to see from. Most importantly, we talked about my heart for my family, for relating them to Jesus, and how I needed to operate on it before I can expect anything from my family. He's teaching me how to love again, love not just because, but to truly love another like how He loves me so much that He gave His everything, Jesus, to me. Sara made mention about truly being the "salt & light" for Jesus, and made me wonder how was I a Christian in my parent's eyes each day. In that area, I must admit quite fail lah. Most of the time I'm so engrossed being the daughter, sister and student that there is no room for being a Christian at home. Must improve on that, yessiree.
Like, whats the point if I shower all my love to all my friends and not show some bit of Christian love to my family right? Just cause its way harder does not make it a good excuse, I suppose?
But He is showing me that He is INDEED more than enough lah, to help me and all. There is a lot of forgiveness that I need to do, a lot I need to ask from too. But I know I can make it, because Dad, Dad will give me the strength, He will be that strength for me to let go and move on. Love on.
Thanks Dad.
Going to jog in the midnight rain now.
