Wish You Were Here - Avril Lavigne



I can be tough
I can be strong
But with you it's not like that at all

There's a girl that gives a shit
Behind this wall
You've just walked through it

And I remember all those crazy things you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

Damn, damn, damn
What I'd do to have you here, here, here
I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damn
What I'd do to have you near, near, near
I wish you were here

I love the way you are
It's who I am, don't have to try hard
We always say, say it like it is
And the truth is that I really miss

All those crazy things you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

Damn, damn, damn
What I'd do to have you here, here, here
I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damn
What I'd do to have you near, near, near
I wish you were here

No, I don't wanna let go.
I just wanna let you know
That I never wanna let go,
Let go
Oh oh

No, I don't wanna let go.
I just wanna let you know.
That I never wanna let go.
Let go
Oh oh

Damn, damn, damn
What I'd do to have you here, here, here
I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damn
What I'd do to have you near, near, near
I wish you were here

Damn, damn, damn
What I'd do to have you here, here, here
I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damn
What I'd do to have you near, near, near
I wish you were here


I thought there was nothing else for me to learn.

But I was wrong.

There is so much for me to learn.

Maybe more than I realised that I'd have to.


I'm so used to going it on my own so much so that I will need to learn how to be accomodating, understanding and supportive.

And patient.

Lots and lots of patience.

And commitment.


See, commitments are icky things.

It's not that I can't commit.

It's that I don't want to commit.

I'm young.

I want to play.

It would be nice if you didn't have to answer to anyone besides yourself.

If you could do just what you wanted, whenever you liked, wherever you liked.

But I'll admit that it's also nice having someone to call your own, to be there for you, to count on, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

But then, there is one more thing.

Fear.

How can you be sure that everything your other does is real and true?

That you can trust (them) with all your heart and nothing untoward will happen to you?

That they will do you no wrong as long as they live and decide to love you?

Even in questions, there are more questions.

As long as they live and decide to love you.

What if, one day, they decided that maybe, you're not worth loving anymore?

There is no guarantee that it will not hurt.

Because no matter what, it definitely will.

It doesn't seem all that fun now anymore, does it?


Sure, it's easy to fake a smile.

But how long can you carry on with something that is empty on the inside?

How long can your other wait for you to be completely accepting and trusting?

For you to feel perfectly safe?

Safe enough that you could unlock your heart and hand it over in surrender?


Love is indeed a mystery.

Four letters, one little word.

But it means so much.


Personally, I use it quite often.

I love my besties, I love my idols, I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

And yes, I mean them.

So why, it is when it all boils down to that, I am unable to let it pass my lips?

I am unable to lose the chains and the armour and the guards?

Putting up a tough front?

I wouldn't say so.

When it comes to that, it's a side so unravelled and undone that my defences are weak and I'd be easy to attack.

But not my heart.

Definitely not my heart.

All the king's horses and all the king's men, wouldn't be able to pry it apart no matter the amount of strength.

It needs to be coaxed.

I need to be coaxed.


And now, I'm just waiting for that one day, where after all the big hoo-ha, you'd leave me on the ground, eating your dirt.

And you wouldn't see those tears because you wouldn't be looking back.

It's just waiting to happen.


I'm sorry, but I can't bring myself to be (more) positive about this.

Unless.

Convince me.

Move me.


It will be tough, no doubt.

But for a heart as weary and jaded as mine, it's still doing quite well :)


Maybe your mind is fooling you into thinking that you love me.

But really, you don't.