MONDAY!

monday will be ogl camp, then class chalet!!! WOOHOO!!! yea!!... lol.. after that will be a new yr!!! then open house work session/end of chalet/going out?/bp march back on 2nd. seriously must split into 4 liao. after that will soon be open house, then review tests!!! argh... >.< must start studying already!!!...

realisation

jus realised quite some time nvr post le... lol... dunno wat to post also... a few ppl's birthdays coming up... u noe who u are... lol... wishing u ppl happy birthday in advance!

numb

for the first time in this whole year, im feeling numb, yes, seriously numb. devoid of feelings, not much care for wat is happening, nvr bothered abt wat rumors others said. i dunno wat this feeling is all abt. lost of love? lost of feeling to care? lost of desire? lost of watever it is tat is lost? i dunno wat all this is. perhaps it is just a prelude to an impending revelation or watever. watever it is, it doesnt really matter. i dun think i care tat much anymore...

3.12.08

GRAD NITE IS OVER!!! now on to studies n orientation!!! whew. thanks everyone for the hardwork u all put in to make the event a success.

notice.

next tuesday, will be the graduation night 08. 2nd project of the 9th student council. well, the thing is i am the program head of the event. ah, i guess everyone is nervous now, seeing that we onli hav 18 ppl to run the whole event. ah well, i wish everyone gd luck, that we will see this through to perfection. n it will be a memorable grad nite for everyone. cmon ppl! lets jiayou!

trust...

so who can i trust?

trust?

trust...

what is trust?
isit jus something that u give, yet expect it to be taken for granted?
isit a promise, that will eventually be broken?
isit a lie, that will somehow be leaked out?
isit an ignorance, that will somehow lead to your downfall?
isit a sin, that deems u a criminal?
isit an object, that is just easily thrown away?
isit something that has no significance? no value? no importance?

i trusted...
i wonder whatever happened to that trust...

now..

din go grandma house.. think might get scolded. well, means no dinner today... who cares anyways...
somehow jus dun feel right... like suddenly dun wan go anywhere except my room... feel neglected, like no one cares... never mind, watever. i'll jus face everything alone. watever happened to those i called friends.

forget it, mayb i should jus become a loner again.. at least then i can lie to myself that everything is my fault..

change...

meant to post this some time ago...

new room
new bed
new table
new cupboard
new class
new surroundings
new atmosphere
new specs...

does it equals to
new friends?
new me?
new beginning?

i wonder...

today...

handed in form for dropping of h2... dunno why did it in front of weihong... but seriously like dui bu qi da jia... everyone wan to be tgt as a class then i nvr do well, nid to leave the class... ah... dunno how sia... hope sherry can stay wif the class though.. then onli 3 leaving... ah well, at least nicholas staqying with the class. i guess some of u might be asking y i als o drop science then stay with the class. to that i onli got one ans. sry.

the same day...

went to try and appeal in the morning with my dad... was early, so got entertained earlier... saw mr dennis yeo.. first thing he see my results, he say, " i noe it sounds controversial, but the subject i think you shld drop is math." i hear le totally sian diao.. wah.. like tat confirm die liao... because i also cant drop math!!! he directly say will not allow me to continue 4h2. if i really want must write appeal letter. he say maths is must build on de. then my building blocks not there. then must catch up alot. then i also dunno wat to reply. like maybe already feel that im just trying my luck. if somehow can get then good. if not, then see how bah...
after that talk with the other parents and all, then later go see principal. principal say dun want let us continue, because last year she let students continue and end up they doing badly, so she and the school management regretting. so they dun wan let us try le. she say if really want can go see her. but without parents. well, everyone can tell she dun want let us take 4h2 liao..

so, now is see which subject to drop le.. not possible to drop maths [even if it is my worst subject] then chem and physics also cant drop, cos i feel i will get As for that in a lvl, so left econs. then drop econs, need learn a new subject, since what we learnt is different.

and also, if drop econs, then no more s25 le... sry everyone.. i really tried my best... it is just fate that we cant be together le... but will we still be together spiritually? even though we are not a class?

i dun want to leave, but then, i dont think i have any other choice.. sorry...im really sorry.

well, what else to say... sorry guys[and gals], bye. hope, and seriously hope can see u ppl again. u ppl made my jc 1 worth the while...

promotional results

yesterday, got promotional status... im promoted.. yet dun feel happy at all... unable to retain 4h2... going to appeal today... wonder how it will go... i hope i can retain 4h2.. if not, then byebye 08s25...



the world is a big stage, where one plays many roles. - shakespeare.

i wonder what is my role in this stage...

pw

pw is over. holidays hav started. not yet... tmr still nid get promo results... n got class bbq... wonder if i shld go...

4 nov

op is over... tmr left gpf filing.. then nth to do wif pw le...

haiz... i wonder who will be there for me... n what am i worth to u people...

opopop...

tmr op exam... then all is over le... for pw at least... somehow, have this nagging feeling in my heart that i jus rather my whole life be over...

happy birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Inter house games!

lol! came in first for volleyball! but is others play well de lah.... haha.... ya.... correct.

ihg

ihg tmr. dunno whether my hand can hold up. aiming for first obviously. but dunno how i will do.
ah well.

PROMOS ARE OVER! LOL, >< they seemed so since last thursday.

promo

promos over. well, it seems so. more like 45 mins left of promos. lol

promos!

promos are upon us. enough said.

last day of school!

actually not really last day. well, but tmr no school n then is on to promos. so no proper lessons for some time. OMG!

chem spa

did chem spa ytd. i think i did ok bah. cabt really rmb the skill d parts, but then got 35.2 percent yield. i guess all the playing wif the scratching part paid off. cos i was like scratching very very hard. lol. wonder how i will do

chem spa

chem spa on wednesday. skipping pw lecture. lol. gg. i scared i will fail.

6.9.08

today has been a long day. in the morning go meet fren, then after that saw sinzhi, bernard n junyang at yew tee mrt. went over wif them to albin's house, look see look see. after that go somewhere, then rushed home to go tuition. was late, as usual. lol. abit dui bu qi the teacher. lol anyway, later go somewhere then go home then here i am. there are stuff tat happened in between which i dun want elaborate here.=p u wan noe can ask me. i might ans.MIGHT

eventful week

this week has been eventful. alot of things happen. dunno whether gd or bad. a day i will rmb. perhaps for the rest of my life. 3.9.08.

teachers day

overall, i think the teachers day was a success. but cant claim any credit. cos i wasnt any help at all, wif the injured hand being a burden to everyone. sry ppl. then unfortunstely, the meeting with principal was also planned on that day. wasnt able to make it back to bp to see the teachers, actually more for frens lah. sry ppl. haiz. i like one day disappoint a lot of ppl liao. sian

to u

i dunno if this is how u feeling, since u dun tell me much, if u tell me anything at all... but jus wondering. am i confusing ur thoughts making u unsure of wat to do? u can jus tell me if so. or isit something happened that caused u to be unsure of ppl's feelings, especially me, since u keep saying that u dunnoe me that well. but then again, is the person wif troubles u, then i am jus there complicating things and blowing things up? pls tell me. or else i also dunno wat to do... =(

injured

with a hand in cast for some reason looks very exaggerated. tmr still got spa..
gg... hmm... wat else... i cant rmb something i wanted to blog abt.

pissed with the unfairness of life.

why dont i jus get at least one chance to be happyand get what i want? damn it.... now the stupid bugger aka me is wif an injured hand...

thinking back

maybe i have wronged many ppl so far, cos i onli thinking of myself, then nvr care abt others. if i did, sry ppl. if any grievances come find me to release anger also can.

...

why do i feel always the one not needed and the one being left out and ignored... haiz

random

jus popping by... still nid go do my homework... cant owe teachers anymore work liao.

this week

watched mummy. well, can watch can dun watch. that is my review. if u watch can jus relax n laugh at some sarcastic or funny scenes. lol. really very funny. but if u expecting a lot. then dun waste ur money. then today. bought a new phone. lol. for dunno wat reason. then somehow is i get the phone. hahahahaha. lol. no complains there. for the moment. but very sian. got stuff from other phone/sd card missing. u! all the songs u send me gone liao. for dunno wat reason. then i nvr copy to com! sian.

damn irritated/ angry/ jus dunno wat word to describe

investiture.

i think wat i doing is not allowed. cos i posting while in lesson. hope no one notices. well, invest coming on wednesday, full dress rehearsal today. my life is still in a mess, im still in a loss wat to do. ah well, i still think life sucks. for now tat is. i hope it is for now onli.

might keep u ppl updated.

SWINGING!

ah... dunno why since entering jc hav mood swings now n then, as in real serious 'what am i living for' kind. but sometimes when mood swing[ i think shld be mood swing bah, or i got spilt personality, which i am pretty sure i hav] really think like wat is my worth lor... then everytime feel like very worthless etc... ah... but then i also dunno wat i want from writing this here. well, it is a BLOG rite... haha.. lol... so i will jus write anything. =p

sc outing.

well, sc outing at sentosa was fun... though went there the day b4 for class outing... for a while tat is. then the next day head the same place again.
oh well, reached there early at the meeting place, my style.. hehe. then after everyone was there, we went there then did this n tat. then had fun, then burnt my feet. as in literaly. then go eat lunch. rained. damn crap. then got back, din play vball.[ let u all lah... jking] then after tat got sharing session. sry din share. was freaking tired. then after tat go home.

this seems very luan... haha... sry... jus typing it out. i think not in the mood to explain properly. will edit sometime.

i feel useless.

ah crap. dunno why got sometimes feel freaking useless. i think i shld elaborate on my new blog.
cos might seem sensitive.. some of the stuff. n also cos jus in case u pl say i emo.
u want to noe my new blog add, ask me lor. dun bother finding.
i might be locking de thing. so will nid to sign in to verify...
=p
hehe ... lol

posting

well, anyone who is checking for posts regularly or is jus looking for a post. [dunno if there are] well, i promise that i will post after my exams are over...

bad habit...

haiz... why do i always look down on myself? haiz... i think im still immature... havent experienced enough of the world... a little setback and i fall to the ground... haiz... must change!!! WAKE UP EDWIN!!!!


haiz... or perhaps im still not strong enough... jus too weak...

ltc

came back from ltc on wednesday. still too tired to feel like typing...

Elections..

tmr is the council elections... choosing the people who will run our council. im running for treasurer... donno whether i will get it though.. hope i will... today also had ltc briefing... in the same grp with quite a no of ppl... must be cos noe the sc ppl... then also noe some of the volleyball ppl... so already majority le...

to u, there's something i want to tell u. but somehow, no words can describe my thoughts...

thank u

ytd, went to mindchamps to watch a movie. the movie was named august rush. very very very nice show... was inspired by that show... the show was abt music, and the wonders of music and faith.well, this few days at first was a bit lost... but after the movie and the sharing that came with it, i feel more focused, as if i was pulled back to my original path already... haha... eom due tmr... MUST WORK HARD!!!

random

holidays

i noe i still havent post abt sports day. cos jus don feel like it.

anyway, it is the holidays now... of cos u already noe. but im feeling abit lost now. what direction should i take? what should i do with my life?

tmr still need go school study. haiz... what choices should i make?

exam mode...

tmr is gp paper....

enough said...

sports day

today was sports day. will elaborate some other time.
might add pics if i learn how to put them.

donno what happened today...

at first got plans is go play football then mugging session... i already said i not going football... then donno why, the mugging session also donno disappear to where already... end up i go eat japanese buffet with my family... cos my sis birthday... then meet up with some of my old school mates to play basketballl, sweat a lot... lol... so this is what happened... although i also donno why became like this.

College day!

wah... today school's college day.. after so many practices, we finally had to do the real thing. today got tuition... so nvr go support the sc team... lol... though also like not very keen to go so early... after that met some of the rest at temple bball court. they keep running around lor... then still at one time bully small kids...
haha... then go school report at 2... haiz... damn sian... keep waiting, and waiting and waiting...
then after that practise, then wait somemore... then go sing! at first damn scared... then see the goh face like very bushuang... like tired le still forced to come like that.... and he looked different from the person i saw b4 in election posters...
also, ytd after practice, one of the teachers told us that the choir instructress said that the sc were actually quite good and can even join the choir...and she also said she didnt expect us to be able to hold a note... i wonder if that was a compliment or an insult... lol... now after sing finish school song for college day, full swing into mugging and investiture already!! woohoo!!! studies! here i come!

Resolution.

my resolution from today is to look ahead and concentrate on studies(actually is jus don itchy backside get involved in relationships) and also to watch my words and think thrice before saying something(cos i have still hurt ppl, although i am already trying!)

Confession.

After all this things have happened, i really did a self reflection. now, i feel that well, most if not all the falult lies with me. i was too selfish lah... then like pressure u to be someone u are not. haiz... also abt the puppet thing, haiz... was in a fit of anger mah... though also angry abt some stupid stuff that didnt go my way. i think i too self centred liao la... and now i finally realised what u meant in the past. haha... to think that i have wasted my time, and also the time of u and ur frens jus bcos i was too how to say, kiasu? i think i was envious lah... so like what star wars always got one part," jealousy leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side." i noe it sounds cliche but there is some truth in it lah... also must thank u and ur true frens to slap me awake from my daydream.

also if it does any good, jus to let u noe, i wont talk abt any relationship with u le... since now i noe that if i ever do that for now, it will jus cause more harm and hurt to everyone, and the opportunity cost very HIGH!(think of the time wasted arguing). also, u don need to give any reasons for anything le... i was too how to say... hmm...jus an idiot.

haiz... anyway, thanks again.... and also to my frens out there who also 'slapped' me awake too... haha... i now should be more like last time the edwin le... wont itchy backside liao lah... don worry....

also, i think im jus giving excuses lah, but still, i think that what i did was bcos was seriously lost and lonely mah at start of jae... like outsider to the class. then u were like very caring mah... lol... maybe that is lame. anyway, pls don care abt the past posts le... they were written by a different edwin. the more selfcentred more individualistic, more cruel, more selfish one...

im not like that de... and i hope we can still be frens... although it doesnt help, still want to say sorry for all the pain? that i put u thru, and all the time i caused u to waste.

so from now on, lets chiong and mug for A lvls! hope u do well! and i noe u will do well!

opinions of others.

My fren jus asked me what happened to the old edwin he knew...
i asked him how was the edwin he knew and this is what he said:

confidence

nv say die

ai zai one

emo le
also will pa qi lai.

come on la he wont give up ^^

where is he now?

die le?

juz a little setback makes u like that?





haiz... what can i say... i also donno where that edwin has gone. is it because i had nvr experienced real pain or unhappiness in the past?
haiz... i donno...
i wish that i can change the past! lol... then aiya... donno lah... trying to learn more abt life and myself thru all this... but it aint working.

happier? things are better?

haha... since there is SOMEONE who 'objects' that i write in chinese.
these days are happier bah...
since that i donno whether is that i start talking to other ppl also or jus accept things for what it is... also, cos i think is also cos U are talking to me also... but then i think that there is still something that is bothering me...
though aiya... i think that is cos i was always thinking too much abt u bah... then at times only thinking abt u...
then now growing up bah... and thinking more maturely... learning abt life and reflecting... haha... well, but life still is like that...
isit changing for the better? i hope so...

a short post... and a song...

你跟班上的每一个人讲话， 就是不跟我讲话...
班上的人都跟我说话， 就是你不跟我说话...

那首歌就是: "好眼泪坏眼泪"

我曾认真试爱着一个人
他给我幸福的可能
我等我问未来何时发生
他只是给我一个吻

快乐我哭是因为你的手
曾答应带我向前走难过
我哭是因为我的手
找不到你说的以后
好眼泪坏眼泪我都曾为你流
感动和悲伤都是理由
只不过在你不再爱我了以后
像坏的眼泪慢慢流

快乐我哭是因为我付出
得到你温柔的答覆
难过我哭是因为我认输
你的心永远留不住

好眼泪坏眼泪我都曾为你流
感动和悲伤都是理由
只希望在我不再想你了之后
有好的眼泪慢慢流

好眼泪坏眼泪我都曾为你流
感动和悲伤都是理由
只希望在我不再想你了之后
有好的眼泪慢慢流

有好的笑容陪着我

放弃?

haiz... very 乱 recently... so many things happening to my life... cant even concentrate in class... can concentrate to finish homework... cant concentrate to even play games... seriously... wth is happening... god or buddha or whoever exists... what have i done to deserve this? if there is cause and effect present, what hav i done in my past life so that i deserve all that is happening to me now? haiz...

wth lah...

fine... i am that lousy... apparently must need 'HELP' to do work. apparently ppl think that i cant do work with distraction.

haiz... i jus don get it... if to be able to do work,
my life has to be like that... and feel that i need to be useless, i rather not be able to do work...if that is what is needed, to selfishly hav u by my side... at least as a fren...



as for asking me to forget u, haiz... how to? in the short time that we have known each other, so many things have happened le... how u expect me to forget? not ur fault lah... but so u think cos we in same class maybe cant forget so u want to make me hate u? all it does is cause hurt and pain... bcos jus somehow will feel that way for u to need to make u hurt me... which i don think i can even bring myself to it... haiz...



我真的很烦阿... 为什么需要这样呢? 连朋友都不可以当阿? 真的需要这么做阿? 我真的无法恨你... 你别勉强我...我只会更伤心... "原来爱情那么伤..."haiz... 为和生命是这样...

anyway, i think got two songs that area exactly what i feeling lah... even to the lyrics... haiz...
well, the two songs are: 告诉我 and 原来爱情这么伤... below are the lyrics...

告诉我：
看沉默的电话它什么都不说
看电视的画面它无声的闪动
看街上的行人跟我擦肩而过
整个世界太冷漠
我没有力气再往前走

看你紧闭的嘴唇它什么都不说
看你飘忽的眼神它无情的闪躲
看你和我的回忆跟我擦肩而过
你的改变太冷漠
我没有勇气大声地说

告诉我
你不是真的离开我
你也不愿这样的夜里把难过留给我
告诉我
你不是真的离开我
你是要惩罚我的爱让你失去自由
告诉我...

原来爱情那么伤:
我睁开眼睛却感觉不到天亮
东西吃一半莫名其妙哭一场
我忍住不想时间变得更漫长
也与你有关否则又开始胡思乱想

我日月无光忙得不知所以然
找朋友交谈其实全帮不上忙
以为会习惯有你在才是习惯
你曾住在我心上
现在空了一个地方

原来爱情这么伤
比想像中还难
泪水总是不听话
幸福躲起来不声不响
太多道理太牵强
道理全是一样
说的时候很简单
爱上后却阵脚大乱

只想变得坚强
强到能够去忘
无所谓悲伤
只要学会抵抗

原来爱情这么伤
原来爱情是这样
这样峰回路转
泪水明明流不干
瞎了眼还要再爱一趟
有一天终于打完
思念的一场战
回过头再看一看
原来爱情那么伤
下次还会不会这样...

anyway,YOU pls don worry... 因为如果你在想这些都是你造成的, it's not... there are other things that happened... but then again, this is what hurts me the most...
你希望你从悲伤走出来， 我也想...
只是, 真的没力气了... 我真的那么没用... 对不起...

你做出了对的决定... 跟我这种人在一起, 你才会没有结果, 更悲伤... 我真的已经走头无路了...
haiz..."好眼泪坏眼泪"吧... 还有, "当你孤单你会想起谁"(revised version, u noe what i mean)


现在我觉得自己很坏, 我所做的只是让你伤心而以, 把痛苦带来你那快乐的一生...

wish...

haiz... thinking thinking thinking...

no matter how i think of it... all these has happened bcos of something i told u... haiz...

now, all i can do is selfishly wish that things can go back to the way it was b4... i don really care whether i can be with u or not... jus that hm... how to put it.... aiya... jus miss those times and wish that things can return to what it was...



damn....im so selfish... haiz...

thinking...

i recovered from self-induced pain already...(i hope so) well, the thing is there is someone i want to talk to lah... maybe i should jus sort of 'talk' thru my blog.

ok, i think that u might hav had some misconception abt what is happening to me, and u might take it to be ur fault. i feel that i hav a need to talk to u to clarify stuff and come clean with everything that has happened. i jus hope that i can talk to u whether on the way home or in school... but pls don keep asking whether i ok anot le... i will explain everything u want to noe... and also abt some other things to. if u come across this, can u sms me with ur ans? if u really got some reason to not want to talk to me... hmm... well, got two choices... either u can share ur reason with me then we can solve this problem together? or u jus keep it to urself and i will understand... i jus hope that jus bcos we cant be together doesnt mean we cant even talk to each other abt other things other than homework rite? i jus hope u can get where i am coming from... even if u don, i hope u will hav a talk with me to allow me to explain to u.

still emoing...

still nowhere near recovery... who noes have already been dealt a fatal wound and would nvr recover... the future looks bleak... jus have no mood to do homework. can i take leave from school jus to recover? i wonder... but then again, what help will that do? haiz... down, down to the ground...

really lonely...

today really feel very down... really think i need someone to talk to... but then, the person i want to talk to very busy... then don bother her lah... then everyone else i think really donno me well at all lor... first thing they ask if i stress bcos of homework isit?! im like... wth, i don even bother abt homework at present lah... with all that is happening... haiz... don care liao lah... jus that got no one to turn to, no one to talk to and no one who noes who i am...

Realisation... and more pain...

Haiz... i think i really very sad liao...
i guess im jus someone who thinks too highly of myself bah... like 癞蛤蟆要吃天鹅肉 bah...
i am jus the most annoying person liao bah... spoil the lives of two wonderful and beautiful girls... special in their own rite...
haiz... i guess im jus so detesting bah... that no one will ever like me... even those who did for a while most likely felt that i am just too lousy and unsuitable for anyone bah... and i think i also too demanding bah... and also too overbearing... i guess that is why ppl dont like me bah.
im just too useless lah... no talent in sports, music, art, studies, and everything bah... no wonder no one will like me... mayb i jus talk big nia... cant do anything one... must be that unreliable bah... haiz... what can i do... also cant really change myself bah... haiz... what else can i do... fine lor... jus continue being loner and emo lor... it's fine with me... donesnt really matter... even though sad but wont die one... anyway, aiya... don care liao lah... don want to force myself on others liao lah... don care, don bother, don give a damn...

disappointment

was talking to an OLD 'friend' of mine... suddenly ask me some irrelevant qn... then after that suddenly say what want peaceful two yrs away from traumatic n energy sapping love life... like ignoring the world like that lah.. then somemore said what getting over someone then what cheating another's feelings at the same time. and what keep thinking of that person when with the other person. fine lah, so i hav been used, a substitute, been blind, then thrown away after i served my purpose. all i want to say to u is that whatever u deem it to be, that is the way it seems. there is no denying that i was made a substitute, and even one which has no significance at all. also, i was just toyed with lah, then having someone there for u, taking me for granted isit? now really donno why i could hav been that blind and just went along with everything. and then, now u tell me all this. so i hav not been even deserving enough to noe all this, only willing to tell me when im already no longer there, and that u wont see me anymore? then somemore, what study together... got even study meh? for u mayb lah. so i hav jus wasted my time to be with u while u were jus studying lah. then after that, fine.. u were alone for sec4. so u jus left everything else behind, taking things as if it didnt happen? fine, im obviously not the first guy u noe... so, that means only the first guy u noe is significant lah. then everything else is jus extras, continuation and substitutes of whoever that first guy was. really disappointed that u cant understand, keep clinging on to the past... u think that he will like u now since u don want to forget abt him? fine... then forget abt me instead. the person who disregards whatever u thinking and saying all this things to u. i really donno how i am going to treat u the next time i see u in person or when online. jus that for now, this is part of how disappointed i am in u and that this is how it is. but then the future can still change back to what it was b4 this "argument" as u call it... it only depends on whether u still want to be ignorant of the change around u, or u still want ot continue jus being that person who disappointed me. it's ur choice. jus hope that u make the right one.

PI!!!!!!!!!!

i am starting to hate the individual portion of pw... that stupid pi... after so long and with ppl's help i thought i could jus pull it of... then when handed in, my pi was sample marked... turned out that it was not exceeding expectations(expected), not meeting expectations(a little surprised), not approaching expectations(very surprised) and not even meeting the crieterion( total shock!) also my ideas was not thoroughly analysed and evaluated( well, i noe that) not sufficiently analysed and evaluated(ok fine, mayb i havent done enough) and not even analysed and evaluated in a limited way( wth! means i totally nvr analyse or evaluate isit?) stupid pi... and somemore at first my teacher also say can... well, not her fault... haiz.... stupid pi...

thinking...

wah, jus back from elects camp... will post of that when i hav the time... lol... i hav jus been thinking... i might be naive... thinking that i am someone who can change another's life... im thinking that the other person might already hav someone who is in his/her life already, and im being extra... someone also told me that this person might jus be playing with my h***t, and that this person might already hav someone else already... hmm... jus thinking... donno what is happening also... this person also said somewhere she regretted some decision she made to another person... what does that mean? what decision is that? aiya... i donno lah.... nothing i can do but jus continue thinking...

emo... for a while...

wah... today at physics prac got some sort of mental breakdown... probably cos the practical so frustrating... stupid rod... then also fans off... was like melting lah... after i gave up on completing the practical, my mind started thinking of other stuff.
i thought,
i am so useless, always unable to do things fast and well, always need the help of others, always need others encouragement.
i think i might jus regret what i did, pouring my heart out and naively hoping that there would sure be something in return.
i am also so lousy, cant manage my time at all, almost everytime rushing my work till late at night or just giving up.
i am weak, no determination to do things, whether long term or jus for that moment.
i am indecisive, always thinking of doing things but then hesistating and giving jus bcos i was afraid of what others might think and how others will react.
in conclusion, i am useless, weak, lousy, indecisive and nvr think abt things thoroughly(maybe only)... therefore, there is no point for me to live on(sarcastically).
also, i think i might jus hav to give up what i am doing... bcos, i might jus be not suitable to be the one.

school...

Today, i was in school from hmm... lets see, 730(cos it was raining and freaking stuck outside school) till around close to 8! (cos of physics test... i****ic) That is like freaking 12 plus hrs leh... anyway, excited that i am having elects camp on friday! yeah! looking forward to it... haha thats it for this post i think... a change from the other emo posts... haha lol...

random post

jus something random...

What Edwin Lau Xinyou Means

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality. You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts. You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it. You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator! You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. You are incredibly sexy and sensual. You have a naughty vibe that no one can ignore. You have an unquenchable desire. And you are unrestrained in your passions. You have a tendency to be unfaithful. Whether you fight it or give in to it is up to you. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

courage...

it takes more courage to do certain things than others. haiz. today feel very sian... cos didnt hav the courage to do what i actually planned to do... i wonder if i just lost my opportunity... haiz... must live with it... who ask myself do not have courage to do such a simple thing... haiz... sadded...

Despair...

haiz... today jus shot out of my mouth and hurt someone that i really care for... sian... somehow still cant change that part of me... i really cant help it... Why!?! although she doesnt show it, i think she is feeling very hurt right now... who noes maybe she even crying.. haiz... how can i change myself? i really don want to hurt anyone else anymore... really in despair....

A candle in the darkness

was looking around a lot of my frens blogs and have noticed somethings they said abt me. the things they said touched me deeply and for once, i felt that i was no longer alone, and actually had frens that truly cared. for that, i want to say a sincere," thank u"

Liking someone?

meant to post this some time ago... the other time, jianning was asking something abt having[or not] something on the finger. and he said that it tells whether u hav someone that u like... apparently, it says that there is someone i like, and i acknowledge this fact. the problem is, i dont really noe who is it that i like.. sounds a bit lame but i donno whether i am indecisive or whatever, but the thing is, what is liking someone? cos i dont even noe if i really like anyone. haiz... will this be another worry? or jus something that will pass...

Trouble???

now that voting is over, the wait begins...
this days, i somehow feel that there is trouble brewing. hearing things abt council candidates that freeze up my insides, thinking of how the 9th council will end up, with the 8th already so good... also there are ppl around me who are starting to show a bit of their killing intent... i think they might be feeling that i am getting too close for their comfort to certain ppl they hold special in their lives... what to do, i jus hope trouble does not start...

Pain...

why are things like this? why is it that now i am unable to make my own decisions? nowadays, other than my weaknesses not being improved on, my strengths hav also blunted... what should i do... i cant even keep up with my work... should i still join council? even if i get in[which is already highly unlikely} is it worth... what should i choose... really in pain...

New Laptop!

Yeah! went to the it fair ytd n finally i got a laptop![ actually was there to catcha movie] anyway, now with a laptop it's more convenient to come online... don need to snatch with my sis for the com... haha... that's all for now...

OGL Camp!

wow... jus returned from a 3 day 2 nite camp in school! Feels damn great although quite tiring... THETA ROCKS!!! well, that's my clan for this orientation. I'm an ogl! will update after orientation... i hope i remember to bring my camera so that i can take pictures for rememberance! also, i wish there will b at least one person i noe in my og!

busy, busy, busy

wah, recently very busy... with scap stuff n all...
Frenship day aka valentine's day coming up!
changing blogskin to match the mood...
wishing everyone an advanced valentine's day!

o lvl results!

yeah! jus got o lvl results on thursday! got, 11 points... end up got problem deciding what school to go to.. in the end, i hav decided to stay at my pae jc, pioneer!

O LVLS!

hey, so long no post le... haii today getting o lvl results... all the best guys! will b posting my results afterwards... hopefully...