10 years ago...

10 years ago today I was perhaps a bit more shocked than the average West Coaster upon seeing the footage of planes flying into NYC and the Pentagon.

The previous summer (2000) I had spent 3 months in NYC on missions with the "Summer in the City" program, living in Queens and partnering with 60+ students from around the country to volunteer at various churches, halfway houses, homeless shelters, and food banks in all the different boroughs.  3 months is a pretty good amount of time for an outsider to feel a bit of a connection to the city - you start to understand the subway system, know where the good local places are to eat, and you gain an appreciation for the diversity of the people, from the well-to-do yet constantly pressured to perform, to the down-and-out in the cycle of poverty.

Since I still felt connected to the city in some ways the year after, I was really hit emotionally the day after the attacks when watching the news and seeing footage from the cameras roaming the streets.  Families mourning the loss of loved ones, neighbors of all walks, religions, and races congregating on street corners to wail, grieve and comfort, and I mourned along with them.  When one camera crew picked up on a street corner fellowship led by a small group of black women singing "Amazing Grace," I broke down in front of the TV for a while.

One day I'll need to teach my son about the impact of 9/11.  I'm not exactly sure yet what I'll say.

2 month memories and reflections

Happy 2 month birthday to our little hobbit!  A quick update on how we're all doing and things we want to remember...

• After a lot of hard work, practice, tears, and pumping/feeding, we were able to successfully begin breastfeeding exclusively a little after the 1 month birthday.  We did run into some complications when we tried to introduce the bottle and it totally screwed up his eating for about a week, which caused a painful blister that Shally needed to heal from, but we're now in a pretty good rhythm.  We're hoping that as he gets bigger and more practiced he won't take quite as long - he takes after his old man in that he can be a glacially slow eater sometimes.  We hope to eventually retry the bottle now that he's more practiced.
• Sleeping is a bit more erratic with breastfeeding since we don't know how much he eats per feed (like when we were finger feeding).  Most nights he wakes up 1-2 times, sleeping 3-5 hours at a time.  During the days he can have some loopy days where he doesn't sleep at all, and then days like today where he's conked out the whole day.  He's also been somewhat fussy the last 2 weeks, not wanting to be put down/left alone in a playpen or chair for more than 15 minutes at a time, which takes up a lot of Shally's sanity.  We'll likely begin doing some sleep training this month, and might move him into his own room in a few weeks.
• A bit over 22 inches and over 11.5 pounds now.  Everyone tells us to treasure him when he's small, and we're already sometimes missing when he was small enough to fit on 1 forearm.  But with the eating, he's been chubbing up nicely, with at least 2 chins and extra folds appearing everywhere on his arms and legs.  Plus people like to comment on the size of his belly, like a tiny Buddha statue.  He also seems to have pretty strong legs and neck already - he likes to be held in a standing position, braced gently around his armpits, so he can take a look around.
• Once he got big enough, we began doing cloth diapers!  We use them at home during our waking hours - when we go out and during night times, we still use disposable because of the convenience and extra absorption factor.  Cloth has actually worked out pretty well - we've gotten the clean/dry cycle down and let the sun take care of any stains.  We did notice that he seems to react more sensitively to wetness in the cloth diapers, so we're hoping that it'll help him potty train when the time comes.
• Personality-wise, thus far, he hasn't been that interested in toys, books, and the like, although he's starting to gain some affinity for the mobile.  He is fascinated by people though.  When we're around or when his grandparents are around, he's constantly watching, observing, and occasionally interacting with us.  When we bring him out in public, he loves people watching - he was entranced by Valley Fair mall.
• In addition, his temperament is rather mercurial - he can go from completely chill and content to screaming loudly in 0.03 seconds.  He doesn't have a medium volume level.  However, he's usually a good-natured baby who only cries for a reason that we have to try to figure out.
• One recent development is that he's begun cooing, most often after a diaper change or his daily bath, perhaps when he's most relaxed.  It's freakin' adorable. We end up cooing right back, and we end up having a "conversation" for a while.  We want to try and record this so that we can look back on it in the future, but we get so caught up that we totally forget to grab the camera.
• After a month and a half of invaluable help, Shally's mom left last week.  We're really grateful for how she eased our transition into parenting life, and Shally's now trying to get used to the isolation of caring for him at home without another adult to talk to while I'm at work. It's true that there's the potential for IM, email, and Facebook to feel somewhat plugged into other people's lives, but it's not quite a substitute for adult conversation.  
• Shally will be bringing D to the BSF young mothers group starting in the upcoming quarter, so that'll be a good chance for him to get out of the house and for her to meet up with some other similar-life-stage folks.  Spiritually, because we've been on his schedule it's been a bit difficult to make time for fellowship and we've been feeling a bit dry in that area, so we're hoping that as he gets older and more able to handle outings that we'll be able to reintegrate into community.
• For me, work has been extremely busy since I joined a new team just before Duncan was born.  There's a lot to learn and a lot to get done, and at the end of each day I get to look forward to coming home to wife and son.  There has been the occasional funk day here and there when my energy level and spirits are drained by the combo of work work and home work, but overall things are pretty great.
• With feeding times, we have been watching quite a bit on Netflix as Duncan eats away.  Some recent and current shows:
• Battlestar Galactica (just started)
• Parks and Rec (just started, any fans out there?)
• Castle - we're big Nathan Fillion fans since his Firefly days, Shally is a fan of CSI-type shows, and this one doesn't have as much of the gruesomeness that turns me off of most CSI-type shows, so it's a nice fit for both of us
• Bizarre Foods
• Man v. Food
• 30 Rock (finished up through season 4)
• On our own time, Shally's also been watching Lie to Me, and finished Bones.  I've been revisiting my childhood with cartoons I loved when I was a lot younger - the X-Men animated series, and Robotech.

That's probably enough for now.  It's a lot of work being parents, but as he begins to move, interact, vocalize, and generally act more like a little person (who's awfully cute), it's making it worth it.

Three-week Newbie Parents FAQ

We've survived the first 3 weeks!  We're super thankful for the help we've received from family in the area, particularly S's mom, who's been living with us since little D's birth.  It really does take a village to raise a child.  We've also been encouraged by the visits, emails, phone calls, and gifts from friends at the hospital and at home.  In lieu of the lack of sleep we're experiencing, here's an FAQ update on how things are going, what's happened the first three weeks of our dear son's life, and how our lives are changing, based on the most frequent questions we've been getting.  I originally intended this to be a short update in the first week, but it ended up being rather long and covering the last 3 weeks.

Labor and Birth

1. 38 hours?!
1. Yup, Shally slogged through 38 hours of contractions before finally giving birth to little Duncan. 
2. The contractions started around 4:30 am early Thursday, 7/7,  and slowly progressed during the day to 4-1-1 (4 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute each, for 1 hour) at about 7 pm, at which point we went to the hospital and found out she hadn't even begun dilating yet.  This was rather despairing because we weren't sure whether the length of the labor would take too much out of Shally to do the natural birth that we had planned.  Being at the hospital was kind of stressful, so after a few more hours we drove back home to try and get some rest.  (This short and unproductive stay ended up costing quite a bit of money anyway).
3. Shally still didn't get any sleep that night, but compared to the previous day when we were trying all the tricks we knew to help progress the contractions (bouncing on an exercise ball, walking, etc.), this time we just relaxed and listened to music.  By the next morning's checkup, to our surprise she was already at 4 cm without our doing anything!  Lesson learned - don't try so hard, the body can tell when you're stressed.  We went straight to the hospital, dealt with the hardest parts of labor without getting an epidural, and welcomed Duncan into our arms in the evening.  By the end, Shally was so ready for it to be all over that when it came time to finally push (which takes, on average, 45 minutes to 2 hours), she got him out in 13 minutes - an unofficial record for the hospital, according to the awesome nursing staff.
2. What was the most memorable part of the labor/birth experience?
1. Well, we won't forget about 38 hours, that's for sure.  But seeing our son being born increased my admiration for and amazement at Shally's toughness and perseverance.  Plus, the first time he opened his eyes, looked at us, and grabbed my finger - that's probably my favorite memory.
3. How'd you get the name?
1. Probably doesn't take a genius to look at our little guy's name and connect the dots to my favorite NBA player of the last 15 years, Tim Duncan of the San Antonio Spurs.  However, it was actually Shally who first proposed it as the name.  We were bouncing names off each other by naming off important/influential people from our histories - people we knew, authors, fictional characters (she shot down Aragorn pretty quickly), activists, and the like, and when I started throwing out my favorite athletes, we landed on Duncan as a name we both liked that had personal meaning for me.  An awesome leader, teammate, competitor, and classy guy, he has a pretty good namesake to live up to.
2. That wasn't the only Spurs-related story related to our son, though.  A while ago I explained the team's "pounding the rock" mantra to her and ended up quoting the phrase several times during labor when encouraging her to keep her spirits up - that even when it seemed like nothing productive was happening during the contractions, each one was in fact helping to move him out. 

Home/Family(!) Life

1. What have you learned about Duncan so far?
1. He can be a handful at times, but we love him.
2. He's a great sleeper.  He's already sleeping up to 4-4.5 hours at a stretch, and we've had one night where he's only woken up once.  It seems that he's still been gaining weight at a pretty good rate, so we're not too worried yet about a lower frequency of feeding.
3. On the minus side, when we were trying to wake him up every 3 hours or less to feed, his stubborn desire to continue sleeping sometimes caused us to get frustrated.  We'd try everything - tickling, changing diapers, wet washcloth, even an ice pack - and he'd cry for a bit and then go comatose again.  Strong-willed little fella.
4. He's starting to learn to breastfeed a little bit, but it will still be a while before he can get the majority of his food directly from Mom.  He can also be rather impatient when trying anything and will start to lose his temper when things take too long - getting milk ready, diaper changes, etc.  This has also been a source of frustration at times but we keep reminding ourselves that every child develops differently, and we're already lucky that he sleeps well and had no problems with jaundice or some other common newborn maladies.
5. He's gaining weight at a pretty good rate - in one stretch gained over a pound in 8 days.  Shally wants him cute and chubby and he seems like he wants to oblige.
6. He has really strong lungs and vocal cords.  He can cry pretty loudly - he caused quite a bit of emotional distress to his grandma until we reassured her that it was perfectly normal.
7. During the times when he's really fussy, he has a characteristic way of screaming for a few minutes and then going completely limp.  It makes us question whether the adage that "you can't spoil a newborn" is really accurate, because if it was an older child that was doing that, it would really look like a temper tantrum, and we're tempted to discipline rather than to coddle and soothe.  Still working out the best way to handle things.
2. How have things been going so far?
1. First week: very tough getting used to the grind.
1. We were pretty well prepared for labor and delivery - we took a Bradley course, did research, and knew what to expect.  What we probably should have done was take a course in what to expect after we got home.  As it was, when we got home we ended up needing to reconfigure the house in order to handle the daily routines since we didn't anticipate them beforehand.
2. Biggest lesson: make sure that multiple people know where things are (clothes, diapers and accessories, etc.) so that when one person is resting, the others aren't frantically searching for something while the baby wails in the background.
3. We're trying to breastfeed and it's been quite the ongoing challenge.  As it turns out, his first few attempts looked like feeding but he wasn't in fact getting anything, so the poor little guy ended up starving for the first 3 days of his life until we met with a lactation consultant (a good one is definitely worth the money, taking a breastfeeding class before the birth doesn't really help at all) who told us that until he got bigger, we'd need to pump and feed via syringe and feeding tube.
4. One bright side of the manual feeding is that I've had the chance to participate.  Feeling my son suck sustenance from the tube off my finger has helped remind me tangibly that I have a responsibility to provide feed to this guy for quite a while.
5. While you hear about the lack of sleep involved with parenting, I don't think it really hits you until your first few days when you're lucky if you can get 2-3 hours cumulative over a 24 hr period.  I distinctly remember being woken up from one nap and doubling over in a haze, not being able to move for a few minutes.  I suspect it might be something like what I hear medical school is like - going long periods of time without sleep and then trying to do/remember complex things.
6. Had some recurrence of RSI in my wrists and forearms, last experienced during my startup days.  Fortunately, some massage and strength training has helped reduce that.  We've been learning basic physical forms like keeping our backs/wrists straight and shoulders relaxed to prevent muscle pains.  You need to be quite fit/flexible to be able to do all the squatting, lifting, and everything else!
2. Second week: hitting a rhythm
1. By week 2, we had gotten used to the routine and the mechanics of feeding, burping, diapering, swaddling, etc.  We began getting more sleep just as our bodies adjusted to the smaller amount, so we weren't quite as exhausted all the time.  
2. That said, the pee shield has worked 3/14 times for me so far, just barely above the Mendoza line.
3. This is probably the week when we really started to appreciate his awake and alert times.  When his eyes are open and focusing on you, you really appreciate that this isn't just an eating/pooping/sleeping machine but a real live human being.  Love just looking at him when he's looking back.  I guess it's ironic in that as I understand it, later in the year we'll be sick of him being awake and want him to go to sleep as much as possible.
3. Third week: what's happening??
1. As Duncan hit a few growth spurts, we had some steps forward and steps back.  Steps forward included a good amount of weight gain, longer sleep times and starting to breastfeed a little.  Some steps back included a higher incidence of tantrums and fussiness leading to 2-3 hour long feeding times, cranky baby, and cranky parents.
2. I also began working from home this week after taking the first 2 weeks off.  It's been kind of refreshing personally having a new and different challenge during my days, so I'm hoping to be able to provide some times for Shally and my mom-in-law to be able to get away from childcare and do other things.
3.  Are you learning anything about being parents?
1. The biggest lesson I've been learning is that parenting is super humbling.  As a non-parent, it's easy to look at the research and think, "Oh, these are the best things to do / things we want to do for our kid, so we should do them."  Breastfeed. No TV.  Cloth diapering (which we haven't started yet).  Some parents try potty training or sleep training right off the bat.  Conversely, it could become easy to listen to new parents with a judgmental attitude, like "Why aren't you doing xyz?  All the studies say that... or this is what I've done..."  What actually having a child has shown me is that these choices take a lot of work.  They're not easy, and sometimes, for our own sanity, we need to make tradeoffs on things that we thought were "so important" but become less so once you're facing a screaming child at 4 in the morning on 30 minutes of sleep.
2. I guess the way to sum up the previous point is a lesson I've been learning the past few months.  I read a comment from a parent and social worker who works with orphans and dysfunctional families who said that if parents love their child and do the best they can, they're awesome parents.  What they actually end up doing or accomplishing isn't nearly as important as love and effort.
3. Another area we've been growing is in showing grace towards others and their opinions.  It seems that everyone has an opinion one way or another about everything in childcare, which adds to the stress level when baby is crying and there are many voices "helpfully suggesting" a long list of things, many of which conflict with each other, and making it difficult to determine what Shally and I actually want.  We're learning to show grace in order to tamp down annoyed reactions to simply try and listen to suggestions, then either gratefully try them out or respectfully decline them, all in an effort to learn.

We're looking forward to rejoining "real life" more fully over the next few weeks.  Hopefully we'll see some of you then!

Sometimes you don't know what you want until you lose it

There's an episode of "Friends" in the second half of the series, at Monica and Chandler's wedding, where Rachel thinks she's pregnant but can't bear to find out one way or another because she's not sure if it's something she wants. Phoebe picks up the pregnancy test, and tells her that it's negative. As Rachel comes to grips with it, she realizes that she's grieving something she never had in the first place - until Phoebe tells her that she lied and it's positive. "Now you know how you really feel about it!"

Last summer, Shally tested positive for a child for the first time. At the time, it was more of a pleasant surprise - we had talked about having children, but considering the stories we'd heard from other couples that had taken years to conceive, we didn't think that we'd be able to conceive so soon. While we were excited, I'd confess that on my part at least, there was a little bit of rote-ness in the whole process. In a sense, I felt like it was time for me to become a father, but I didn't necessarily want to become a father - instead, it was just the right time for the next step.

Three weeks after the positive test, we lost the baby to a miscarriage.

It was surprising how much we were crushed emotionally by this.  Even though Beebee - our codename for the child - was only a brief presence in our lives for such a short period of time, it did feel like a death in the family as we grieved.  To be sure, our season of grief and healing was correspondingly shorter than if it was a loved one we had known for a much longer time, but it was no less intense.  We're thankful for the support of the family and friends who prayed for and supported us in that season.

Now that we are entering the third trimester of our current pregnancy (codename: Junior), I realized that if Beebee had managed to stick, we would be hitting our due date around this time.  A few reflections...

1) Most significantly, losing the first pregnancy hammered home the fact that I really do want to become a father.  There's no more feeling of "it's about the right time" - I'm simultaneously thrilled and terrified.

2) There have been few instances where I've felt more helpless and not in control than when the miscarriage was progressing over a day.  We wrestled with anxiety and denial while trying to pray and hope for a miracle that didn't happen.  There was absolutely nothing that we could do.  It has been a continuing test of faith to learn how to trust in God for things that we have no control over.  Interestingly, it has also afforded the opportunity to identify with and encourage some friends in their own situations of helplessness.

3) We are much more appreciative and fully aware of how fortunate we are that it was not difficult for us to conceive again.  We both have several friends and family who had/have tried for years to have children and have been continually frustrated.  Our heart and prayers go out to them.

4) Finally, we understand a little bit more about how a miscarriage can affect prospective parents.  A few years ago, we heard from some friends that they were experiencing one, and it was difficult to empathize at the time.  It is so helpful to have the support of a community in grief and healing, and one reason I wanted to write this in a public space is in the hope that anyone who has to go through the unfortunate experience of a miscarriage - either their own or a loved one's - would know that we can try to help.

There's a daily joy and anticipation that we experience looking forward to Junior's arrival, and for the most part we don't think too often about Beebee anymore.  But she (we arbitrarily decided that she was a she) is part of our lives now, and we do want to remember and mourn her regularly.

2011 NBA Pre-Playoffs Comments

As an early birthday present this year, my wonderful wife is getting us cable TV for the next few months so we (okay, mostly I) can watch the NBA playoffs.  How awesome is she?

And an awesome playoffs these look like they'll be.  After a vastly entertaining regular season with the Decision, Blake Griffin, Derrick Rose and Russell Westbrook taking the next step, the Spurs coming back from the old folks' home, tons of player movement at the trade deadline, and several legit contenders getting on track, I'm really looking forward to the next few rounds of hoops before Junior Lin comes along for his own basketball indoctrination.

Most other people are making their picks NCAA tournament-style for the playoffs, but I'm just going to rank my rooting interests, along with reasons why.  The top few are teams I'll enjoy rooting for on some level, and the last few teams I'll actively be rooting against.

1) Spurs - I just realized I've been a Spurs fan for over 20 years, since David Robinson joined the team in 1989.  I know that they've already got 4 titles, but against all odds I'd like to see Duncan get that 5th against the toughest competition of his postseason career, matching Kobe and putting him firmly in the top 10 players of all time (he's probably borderline right now).

2) Thunder - A byproduct of being a Spurs fan is a soft spot for small market teams who build organizations and teams "the right way", and Spurs alum Sam Presti smartly did that with OKC (albeit with a ton of luck tossed in).  I'm honestly not a huge fan of Westbrook (shoot-first PGs tend to remind me, in a bad way, of the Marbury-Francis-Iverson days of the early 00's) but Durant and the Ibaka-Perkins front line are fun to watch.  As the Spurs further decline, I'll probably pick up OKC as a regular rooting interest over the next decade (since the Warriors aren't going anywhere) to see what they do against Miami and Chicago.

3) and 4) Magic/Mavericks - If my top two can't take it all, I'd like to see some players that I respect win it.  Dallas has Dirk and Kidd, and Orlando will probably lose Dwight Howard in a few years unless they pull off a miracle before he hits free agency.

5) Hornets - Similarly, I'd rather see CP3 stay and build a contender in Louisiana rather than taking his talents elsewhere.  Probably not going to happen this season and a longshot for it to ever happen.

6) Nuggets - A team spurned by its star and with a coach who survived cancer.  How can you not root for an underdog like that?  Not a fan of K-Mart and Birdman though.

7) Blazers - Franchise was hit by horrendously bad luck (Oden, Roy)... would like to see something good happen for them.

8) Bulls - Good young team that plays defense.  I dislike most of the other teams in the Eastern Conference, so I'll often be rooting for Chicago by default.  One reason they aren't higher on this list is because they already have 6 titles.

9) to 13) Everyone else - Don't really care about the other teams that much...

14) Heat - Humility is an important quality to learn.  Really don't want to see them validate their pre-season championship party without going through some failure first.

15) and 16) Lakers and Celtics - Both organizations have n-teen titles and appeal to me as a basketball nerd, but not as a fan.  I'll be honest, I'll root against the Lakers primarily because I'm envious (why can't the Warriors build a team like that?) and I'll root against the Celtics because they have quite a few jerks.

LA Trip Bullets

A week ago we spent a week in LA to visit friends and family, eat food, and visit the Getty Center and Warner Brothers studio. Been a busy week at work, but finally had the chance to upload pics (Facebook). Couple of quick thoughts and observations...

• It's a great blessing to be able to get together with old friends around the dinner table and talk about everything under the sun.  We got to converse about topics ranging from parenting (the way we were brought up and the way we want to bring up our kids), Malcolm Gladwell's 10,000 hour mark for developing expertise, to our own issues and conflicts dealing with boundaries with our parents.  Lots of laughter and insight.
• Every time I go down to SoCal, I'm amazed at the sprawl of the area and the scope of multiple millions of people... who all want to be on the road at the same time.  People have to be asleep by 10 and out the door by 6 to get to the office on time at 8.  If we lived down there, the prospect of facing a 45-90 minute drive every commute would make me pull my hair out, and would be enough to discourage ever going out for fun.
• After going to Italy and visiting the Uffizi Gallery, showcasing the history of art from medieval times through the Renaissance, I've gained a greater appreciation for painting.  The audio guides explained how the painters during the Renaissance were experimenting and making breakthroughs in being able to depict accurate images with correct proportions in the fore-, mid-, and backgrounds, and going to the Getty, we could also see how artists in the 19th century were able to "perfect" realistic painting techniques before moving into the Impressionist period.  I suppose painting is one of those things you don't really start to enjoy until your 30s.
• Being avid Top Chef fans, we were disappointed that season 6 winner Michael Voltaggio's new restaurant "Ink." hadn't opened up yet, so we settled for going to his old place of employment, The Bazaar.  Most interesting dishes were the Philly cheesesteak and the Caprese salad, both re-imagined using molecular gastronomy to look and feel different but taste similar to what we were expecting.
• The Warner Brothers studio tour was our concession to an LA-specific thing we could do, since we didn't have the energy to get the most out of a Disneyland trip.  Interesting things we learned about the TV and movie-making business:
• Clint Eastwood has an almost-exclusive agreement with WB to be his movies' studio.
• The same outdoor sets have been used to depict urban New York and other cities since the 1930s.  To change the epoch, they change things like doorknobs and fire hydrants.
• Also, all the outdoor sets are fiberglass fronts on top of wood awnings and not brick and mortar.
• They build houses with two fronts rather than a front/back because there's no real need for a backyard in filming.
• We got to go onto the set of "Chuck" because we told our tour guide we were fans, so we saw the Buy More back room (with the cage) and the apartment complex... pretty cool.

A few thoughts on marriage

Today, my lovely wife and fellow parent-to-be celebrates her birthday. As we enjoyed food and dessert with a few of her friends, as well as looking forward to going out ourselves tomorrow, I'm reminded that marriage is this neat and mysterious thing.

I remember the long conversations late at night during college and after graduation, musing about our future spouses and the age-old question, "How do you know he/she's the one?" And while you might chalk it up to a checklist of qualities, a vision of flowers and sunshine, hormones, a voice from God, or some indefinable feeling, ultimately, we don't really know for sure. We just know what we know about each other, make a commitment based on that, then spend the rest of our lives working on making that commitment more and more sure day by day. Kind of like faith.

I know from friends' experiences and books that our marriage will be tested, perhaps severely, as we transition into this next stage of our lives, but I'm still glad that we get to do this together.

Happy birthday, honey.

7 Billion People in 2011

Sometime in 2011, the world's population will surpass 7 billion... and Baby Lin just might be the one to push it over that mark!

Interesting video from National Geographic depicting what 7 billion looks like, and the impact on resources, etc:



Direct link (for Facebook)

I hope our child will be able to bless and impact others more than he/she consumes.  Speaking of which, hopefully we'll learn the gender this week.

Reactions to "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior"

Since we're hoping to enter the realm of parenthood later this year, I've been following the various links and comments across Facebook on Why Chinese Mothers are Superior. As an Asian, an American, and also a Christian, there's an interesting confluence and clash of values, goals, and styles showing up. Some of my own brief reactions and thoughts on the article, and the numerous followup articles springing up all over the web...

• First, thanks to Andrew N and Andrew W for posting this comment thread that includes an email reply from the author, Amy Chua, to an upset reader, pointing out that she did not choose the title of the WSJ article excerpt, and that the excerpt is not necessarily indicative of the content of the book it is promoting.  So, no need to demonize the author as this is all a (very successful!) marketing stunt.  Still, a good topic to consider.
• Things that most everyone seem to agree on as good goals and principles for successful parenting of one's children:
• Development of a strong work ethic, delayed gratification, and other good habits (quote: "Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America.").
• Equip them to be able to be independent and self-supporting as adults.
• Discipline and tough love are often needed to teach/direct children to what is best for them and their future because they can't see it themselves.
• However, the various articles linked above are filled with testimonies of the damage that can be inflicted by the extreme aspects (in particular, insults, belittling, unreasonably high standards, and lack of praise/satisfaction) of the "Chinese" parenting style mentioned in the article:
• Chinese women have one of the highest rates of suicide and depression.
• Products of this childhood often include high achievers and materially successful adults who hate their parents.
• Personally, while I grew up with parents who helped set high goals for my brother and I, they generally did not resort to insults and belittling as motivators.  Because of this, I never doubted my parents' love and trusted that they knew what was best for me.  I would try to work hard to delight them because I wanted to.  I hope to model that for my kids too.  Some of the things they did that I can remember:
• Spending a lot of time patiently, firmly, but kindly teaching and working with me on things until I "got it".
• Praising effort as well as success - something that I think may be relatively unusual about my family.
• I'd like to believe that the "strengths-based" literature that has been gaining popularity in the business world over the last two decades or so can be applied to parenting as well.  After the development of good habits and character (honesty, integrity), it seems to make sense that since each person has innate natural gifts and talents, after getting to a "competent" level in other areas, it is more worthwhile to hone and develop these natural gifts and talents rather than spending an inordinate amount of time becoming "Excellent" in everything.  As several people have pointed out, academic excellence can lead to good doctors, lawyers, and engineers, but doesn't develop leaders and innovators.
• This means that at some point in the kid's development, in addition to character and work ethic development, we need some way of identifying gifts and talents to develop... which seems like the freedom, and perhaps the motivation, to experiment is needed.
• Brian L pointed out, and I agree, that another aspect of parenting I'd aspire to based on my own experience is helping my kid to avoid regrets later in life, because as adults with more experience, we can see and give personal testimony to things we wish we'd have done differently.  Two personal examples:
• I didn't necessarily enjoy piano growing up, but it did give me a solid background and foundation in music that has helped nurture a great love and appreciation for many different types of music and instruments today. In the long view, I'm grateful that my parents introduced me to it.
• I wish I'd have made more of an effort to learn Mandarin when I had more opportunity and more ability to do so, and I'll probably make that known to my kids.  Incidentally, it seems that while learning a language similar to English (like Spanish or French) is do-able in high school, learning an entirely different language like Mandarin is best undertaken either when very young when the brain is still developing, or intensively in college when there is greater desire.
• Finally, as a Christian, it is sobering to consider that my relationship with my kids will likely be the biggest influence on their view of their relationship with God.  Judging by the comments and testimonies I've seen from Asian American Christian friends on this topic, many of us are still saddled with baggage from our pasts with overbearing parents and with Asian churches who seem to espouse similar values of conditional love based on obedience and success.  
• How can we avoid this?  I agree with Byron that one thing to be conscious of is that insults, berating, belittling, shame, etc. as motivation might be effective motivators, but at the cost of relationship.  That being said, given human nature, I think it's almost unavoidable that at one point or another, the patience of a parent will give way to these things.  In that case, it's equally as important to be able to apologize to our children and ask forgiveness, and not just assume that the ends justify the means.
• All in all, I hope and aspire that the unconditional love, acceptance, and approval that is available to me through Christ can be the foundation for all my relationships, especially with my children - and that the unconditional love they receive from their heavenly and earthly fathers can be the foundation for their lives as well.