A Wakeup Call

We had a scary situation happen last week that I haven’t been able to get out of my head. I was at Bunko last Thursday and didn’t get home until 11:30. The next morning, I couldn’t sleep after JJ left for work, so I watched Grey’s Ana.tomy from the night before. If you don’t watch it, the episode was about two eight year old boys who were playing and found the mom’s gun. One accidentally shot the other one. At the end of the show, Ellen Pom.peo came on and said that every 24 hours, 9 children are shot accidentally, and usually by a parent’s gun. That stuck with me – we have guns in the house.

Fast forward a few minutes later, and Drake was calling for me, ready to get up for the day. I went into his room, and the first thing out of his mouth was “take daddy’s gun and shoot bad guys!” Now, him talking about daddy’s gun, and especially bad guys, isn’t all that unusual. But he kept on and kept on, and after just watching that show, it was a bit odd.

A few hours later, we were coming home from Chloe’s dance class and she randomly said something along the lines of “daddy’s gun, lady got out of a van, tried to help Drake across the street.” Huh?? Now, at Bunko the night before, one of the mom’s said my kids were at her house when she left to come over and that her mom was visiting and saw a little boy keep running across the street. I was wondering if maybe that was Drake, and her mom helped him, and maybe Jason misunderstood? Even that seemed a bit far-fetched, so I just dismissed it.

That evening, as soon as JJ came home, he said he had something to tell me. The night before he was over at the neighbor’s house and the sun had just set, so it was fairly dark. He, and four other adults were standing at the end of the driveway talking, and JJ was watching Drake ride his little scooter back to our house to go in for the night. The neighbor’s house is not directly across the street – we live on the corner so if you are thinking of a T in the road this guy’s house faces the right side of our house. Basically, it wasn’t like the adults were directly across from our driveway, they were off to the side. Anyway, a van came slowly down the street, passing the adults, turned down our street, and stopped at the end of the driveway. A woman got out of the passenger side and started following Drake up the driveway. JJ, seeing what was going on, took off running towards the house and yelled at the woman. He had gotten his gun out of his car not long before since he was going inside for the night, so he put his hand on his holster as he was running, and by the time he got across the street and into our yard, he stopped and aimed the gun at the woman. Drake was about 10 feet from our garage and she was about another 10 feet behind him. The woman ran back to the car, the driver backed up, and they took off the other way down the road.

As soon as JJ got to the part that this woman was following Drake up the driveway, I burst into tears. Even typing it now, it’s hard not to. Something just came over me how real the situation was and how quickly something bad can happen. I’ve gotten a little lax letting the kids play outside, usually when the neighbor kids are out, but still – not always an adult nearby. And even two weeks ago, I let Chloe go to a neighbor’s house behind us, who I had never met the parents before. I ended up yelling over the fence and at least introducing myself to the mom while Chloe was outside, but then they ended up inside so I went over to check on her. The Grey’s Anat.omy show is what had been on my mind about that situation all day, not knowing if that family had guns and if they were locked up somewhere, but then to add this situation on top of it was just too much. It was clear how shaken up JJ was over the whole thing too. He hadn’t slept well the night before, and couldn’t get it off of his mind. (He was already asleep when I got home that night and it wasn’t something he wanted to call me and tell me over the phone while he was at work – that’s why he waited until he got home the next night).

After recounting everything, he said that he had never aimed his gun at someone before. Full disclosure though, there wasn’t a bullet in the chamber and he didn’t have his finger on the trigger. He was wondering if maybe he overreacted and misread the situation, but I sent my mom friends in the neighborhood a message just as an fyi, and all of them said that if the woman was just concerned that Drake was out alone, she would have either A) stayed in the car and watched him go in the house, or B) at least put her hands up and yelled back at JJ that she was just trying to help. But running and hopping in the car, backing up, and driving off sure makes them seem guilty. I did go ahead and call the non-emergency police number to ask for extra patrol. The officer asked if we had reported it, but unfortunately JJ was so caught up in the moment and shaken up, not to mention it was pretty dark, he didn’t get a good enough description of the van or the woman to make a decent report. It sure was a wakeup call, and we have had numerous neighbors all tell us that, even though we feel like we live in a safe neighborhood, you can never be too careful. Especially when it comes to your kids.

On Yelling

The other day I happened to actually be paying attention to the movie as my kids watched Monsters, Inc. I’ve mentioned it before that since my friend’s daughter was diagnosed with ALL, it’s really made me think about the bigger picture and snap less at Chloe and Drake. I’ve tried not to yell as much, get annoyed about things, give them more attention, etc. So when it got to the part in the movie where Sully scared Boo and showed her perception of him, it broke my heart. I never want my kids to see me that way. I can only recall one time I got in Chloe’s face and yelled; usually it’s from across the room which is probably why I’m yelling in the first place. If I’d just drop what I’m doing and go over to her at her level, it would substantially decrease the need for yelling. Even still, the images of Boo’s face when she saw Sully yell – man that got to me. I’m glad in that moment I was paying attention because it was honestly a wake-up call and I think will help me be a better mom to my two precious kiddos.

Liar Liar, Pants on Fire

We are entering the stage with Chloe where she has started to not tell the truth. Sometimes it can be something harmless like, did you flush the toilet - yes (clearly she didn't) or, did you take your plate to the sink (again, clearly she didn't), or more serious like, did you hit your brother - (most likely she did).  And I have no clue how to handle it.

It started a few weeks ago when we were going through a particular rough few days with Chloe and Drake not getting along. They were at each others throats and we knew she had done something to him, whether it was hit him or push him because he was crying like he was hurt, but she wouldn't tell us what she had done. When asked she would say nuffin. We'd keep asking while he was next to her crying and all we'd get was nuffin. Or better yet, we'd hear him cry, she'd go run and hide because she knew she'd done something wrong, but still we'd get nuffin. Then we'd ask, did you hit him - no. Did you push him - no. After coming back to the question a short time later, she'd finally admit what she'd done.

It came to a head one night after I got home from work and she had done something to him on the couch, he started really crying, and then I saw blood on his finger. I really got on her yelling what did she do! I'm still not sure what happened, I think she had tried to get food away from him and he bit his tongue or cheek, because the blood didn't come from his finger and I never saw it anywhere else.

I assume this is just something that comes with this age, but I feel like she's too young to understand when we say don't lie, or you aren't telling the truth. I don't think she gets it. Or at least I don't think she understands how serious it can be if you don't tell the truth. Oh, another example is she'll tell JJ I yelled at her or I hit her or something when I most certainly did not. In that case I think it's a way to get attention. But when she comes home from school and tells me Miss Shelley yelled at me today or hit me today, I know that didn't happen. It's like the boy who cried wolf game. I want to believe her when she tells me things and not doubt her, especially when she is telling the truth and something happens, but how do you do that at this age when many things out of her mouth are not truthful?

Have you started to experience this with your kids? How have you dealt with it so far?

Final Sleep Training Update

51 days.  That’s how many days I analyzed my son’s sleep habits.  I always had my phone nearby to log what time he went down, what time he fell asleep, if he woke up and fussed what time that happened and to start the timer for 10 minutes before checking on him, and what time he woke for the day.  I got into such a habit it was hard to pull myself away from recording it all, but after 51 days, I knew he had it down.  Truth be told he probably had it down after only 10 days. 

We’ve basically been doing the same things we’ve done since we started this:

•  Bedtime starts around 7:30-7:45 with the goal to be in his crib by 8:00 (I don’t freak out about this if we are out of the house though)

• I nurse him in his room with the lights on and try to keep him awake

• I turn off the lights when he’s done, hold him for a few minutes, sing him a song, and put him to bed awake

• He sleeps in his sleep sack

• Has two lovies in his crib

• No pacifier

I’ve pretty much determined that if he wakes up enough in the middle of the night where he can’t settle himself within a few minutes, and usually ends up on all fours with his head up, he probably won’t go back to sleep without being fed.  So I get up and do it.  That’s only happened a handful of times in the last couple of weeks. 

He is consistently waking up between 5:00 and 7:00 to eat and then I put him back down for a couple more hours.  Even on the few occasions he wakes up in the middle of the night and I feed him, he wakes up again during that time frame to eat.  He’s a consistent little guy, I’ll give him that much! 

His first nap of the day usually starts within 2 ½ hours of him waking up and the length of nap really varies.  It could be an hour, it could be two.  Then the next one starts about 2 ½ hours after that.  It’s pretty common for him to talk to himself or play in his crib for up to 20 minutes sometimes before actually falling asleep, but I love that he’s so content in there and can hang out on his own until he’s finally ready to drift off to sleep.  That’s another difference in his wake ups in the morning – when he wakes up during the 5:00 hour to eat, he fusses until I go get him.  When he wakes up later in the morning for the day, he always wakes up happy and talking.  Again, he could play in his crib for up to 45 minutes happy as can be before we have to go in there to get him.  (This is nice because he tends to start his days around 8:00 which is a big difference to what we’re used to with Chloe – she sleeps till 10!)

I am so glad we tackled this monster when we did.  Of course it would be nice to eliminate that one feeding between 5:00 and 7:00 altogether, but beggars can't be choosers, right? :)  I hope that he has a good solid routine down now and good habits to fall back on so when he starts learning new things, like sitting up on his own (he is almost there), pulling himself up in the crib, and walking around, that he will continue to be a good sleeper and it won’t disrupt him too much. 

And finally, for the visual.  This is way too small to be able to make out any details, plus all the comments are hidden unless you actually hover over them in Excel.  But it’s a good representation of the wake ups that he had when we first started, and how things pretty well evened out after ten days.  

 And I've been known to let this happen on occasion.  What can I say?  He's my last baby and I love that he will cuddle and fall asleep in my arms! :)

Sleep Training Update

(I wrote this post a week ago but held off on posting it due to the holidays.  Now that another week has passed, I will just do a separate update below).

12/22

We are one week in to sleep training and overall I’d have to say it’s going really well.  Rather than get boring on too many details, I’ll go back to the five takeaways from the book I mentioned in my previous post and give an update on how we’ve done:

• Earlier bedtime – We have done really well with this, except for Saturday night when we were out with family for Christmas.  We have started bedtime at 7:30 or just after with lights out by 8:00.  Except for the very first night, we haven’t had to go in at all after he’s been put down for bed and was asleep within 5 minutes each night except for one when it was 15.

• Don’t let him fall asleep while nursing – This has been easier than I thought by just leaving the lights on.  If he seems like he’s starting to doze, I’ll just talk quietly to him and that usually keeps him awake. 

• Pulling the trigger too quick – This is one of the harder ones.  Listening to your kids cry is never easy, but that’s the whole point of this sleep training, teaching him to self soothe and not rush in to his aid so quickly.  The first and third nights were the worst.  The first night he was up for an hour and half without being able to settle for very long, and a little over an hour the third night.  The other nights he fussed, usually within a couple hours of being down and it would last an hour or two off and on, but we never had to go in and check on him.  He would then give us a pretty long stretch and sleep till at least 5:45.  He’d either wake up or I would wake him before work to feed him, then put him back down and he’d sleep until about 8 or 8:30. 

• Lose the blanket – Losing the blanket was much easier than we thought too!  We still give him a little blanket/lovie thing, and that seems to do the trick.  I also put the bumper in his crib which seems to help quite a bit when he rolls to the side.  Instead of lying against the hard crib rail, he can now lean against the soft bumper (but not too soft in my opinion) and it seems to help comfort him.  And the last three nights we have started putting him in the sleep sack which seems to help also.  

• Lose the pacifier – The first night, JJ gave it to him and I didn’t realize it at first.  When he went in for the second check, he took it away and he hasn’t had it since. Even though he is still waking up some, nine times out of ten he’s able to put himself back to sleep, and without the need for the pacifier.  All in all I think he’s done really well and it’s been interesting to track his sleeping pattern so closely.  I’m not sure how much longer I will track, maybe another two weeks or so until he’s more consistently sleeping through the night. 

First time sleeping with his legs tucked and butt up in the air.  So cute!

 Cuddled with his little lovie

 Waking much happier and calmer after a full night's rest

12/29

Bedtimes this second week have been a bit more sporadic due to holiday activities.  Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday he was down within 7 minutes of 8:00.  Wednesday and Thursday he was down by 7:45 and then Friday and Saturday he was a little late due to me being out one night and another Christmas event (JJ put him down both Thursday and Friday night - the first time I’ve not been the one to put him to bed).  Each day he was asleep within 15 minutes of going down and we didn’t have to check on him at all. 

I wasn’t sure what was up with him Tuesday and Wednesday night, but looking back I think it was the start of his little stomach bug.  He was up both nights around 3:00 for over an hour both nights.  I ended up feeding him and he went back to sleep.  Besides those two nights, he’s consistently waking up after 5:30 and as late as 7:30 for the first time.  I would feed him and then put him back down and then he would wake for the day by 8:15.  The night following his stomach bug, he slept for 14.5 hours and didn’t wake for the day until 10:15!!  And of course that was the one day I asked JJ to get up with him because I too was trying to recover from the stomach bug.  That little stinker, I need to ask JJ to get up with him more often to try and coax him into sleeping later.  But really, we can’t complain about a baby who sleeps till 8:00 every day. 

All that said, I feel like his nighttime sleep has improved so much in the last two weeks!!  I’m so glad we are doing this now and getting it under control.  I’ve been off work a majority of this time, but I hope that I will feel more rested now that I’m getting better sleep once I do go back to work.  

Naps are a bit of a different story.  Since we’ve had things going on during the day with the holidays, we haven’t been as consistent as we probably should have been.  This past week he went down for his first nap between 10:00 and 11:00 and would sleep until around noon.  His second nap of the day started at 2:00 or later and there were a few days I didn’t keep track for some reason.  The day that he slept until 10:15 he only took one nap.  Ideally he would go down (around) 10:30 for his first nap and (around) 2:30 for his second nap which should allow a decent amount of awake time between each nap and before bedtime.  

Here is a visual of the stretches of sleep we have been getting.  The blue is night time and the yellow is nap time: