Just Like That, There's Nothing Left

We did our annual tour of the cemeteries on Monday. JJ had to go to work in the afternoon so it was me and the kids, my dad, Julie, and my brother. The first one we went to was my mom's mom and dad. Chloe asked some question (of course I can't remember what) and I started explaining that my grandma had died and she was buried under the headstone. Oh wow, did the questions start! How did she die, how did she get under there, what happened, why this, why that, and on and on. I held it together until we got to the car and the tears just started. I was not expecting her to be so curious this year. The next stop was to my mom and my other grandparents and somewhat thankfully Drake was a bit more rowdy and trying to grab other people's flowers so Chloe didn't have the opportunity to ask questions there. Thank goodness because I think I would have lost it right in front of everyone.

Laying in bed with her last night out of nowhere she said she was sad my grandma died. I of course told her I was too. The day after we went to the cemeteries and she saw JJ, she told him about my grandma. He thought she was talking about my mom, so he corrected her and said that no it was my mommy that had died, her grandma. It hurts my heart that my kids won't get to know my mom or any of their great grandparents, but we will sure continue the tradition of putting out flowers each year for Memorial Day and sharing stories and pictures of them.

On top of that, my dad is moving. It was somewhat of a surprise to my brother and I when we found out a month ago that he and Julie had found another house, but I guess they had been talking about it for a while. The time has come that today is the last day in that home. My family home. The last place my mom lived. Now that we have moved and my dad is moving, it's all new and a place my mom never was. All the cars are new, we have kids now, it just seems as days pass by I am getting further and further from my mom. I know that things shouldn't connect me to her, but they do. Going to the lake a few weeks ago made me feel close to my mom. The morning my mom passed away, she had placed a half-eaten Oreo cookie on the kitchen table that sat there for another day or so because no one could bring themselves to throw it away. I can hear her voice coming in from the garage saying hi after working a long day, or seeing her lay out on the deck soaking up some sun. I can picture her getting ready in the bathroom or sitting around the dining room table with family at the holidays. All things that connect me to her...in that house.

I have been going through boxes of my childhood over the last week to help prepare my dad for the move. Lots of the items I've come across have brought a smile to my face, but there have been some that have made me sad. What do I keep? What do I part with? My mom's wedding dress is something my dad has asked me about before and I have a couple ideas of what I want to do with it, so it came home with me. I'm afraid the time has come to say goodbye to a lot of the somewhat insignificant memorabilia that we had back in the day, but that was just "our family's."

I hope this is a good new beginning for him; for him and Julie together. (It's only two minutes from our new house so it will be nice having them so close). Only time will tell, but in the meantime I will cherish some of the things I've come across that can never be taken away...all the memories of my mom.

Drake is TWO!!

Turtle P. My baby, my spit fire personality, where do I even start? I’ve said it over the last few months as I’ve written your posts, but you are no longer a baby. You have turned into a little boy. It’s hard to imagine though because at this point with your sister, you were already here so she instantly grew up into a little girl whereas with you, there is no one younger so it seems my baby you always will be. I have a feeling it will be hard for me to break away from babying you. I think it’s a mom thing when it comes to her sons. Or maybe it’s because you are my second and last child. Whatever it may be, you fit so perfectly in my lap right now and I never want that to change. 
When I describe you to people, I say that you are all boy. You jump, you run, you throw, you like to get dirty, you’re stubborn. But then I’ll come home from work and you’ll scream “mommy!” and run up and give me the biggest hug and kiss. I love that you have such extremes - it completely fits your personality. You give the best cuddles and for that I am so thankful. It allows me to feel like you need me; whether it’s a lap to sit on, a hug after your world ultimately shattered due to not getting a particular toy, or a kiss on an owie. You still make it very obvious that you need me and I will soak it up for as long as I can.

We didn’t go all out this year and throw you a party. This year your birthday falls the day before Memorial Day, and I’m realizing how hard it could be to organize parties in the future with a birthday that falls on a holiday weekend. Instead, we are having my side of the family over for cake and ice cream, and I think that sounds like the perfect way to celebrate you.

You have been cracking us up lately with some of your sayings. There is no doubt you got this from your sister, but your new favorite phrase is “what in the world?!” and you use it appropriately too. If you hear or see something weird, that’s the first thing out of your mouth. If daddy is tickling you or sissy is chasing you, you’ll say “leave me ah-yone!” and we can’t help but smile and think you are adorable the way you say alone. You’ll say you missed us after we’ve been gone, or if we are getting ready to leave you’ll say you will miss us. You also love to call out for people saying “sissy where are you” or the dogs, or whoever.

Separation anxiety kicked in full force about a month ago. My only guess is it stemmed from you crawling out of your crib. You used to be so incredibly easy to put down for naps or bed time; we’d read books, sing songs, I’d lay you down and say night night, I love you, and walk out. Then all of a sudden you would stand up and freak out if one of us attempted to leave the room! You would scream, cry, yell, it was terrible. Then once we’d come back, we’d have to sit there and hold your hand until you were completely asleep. It also spilled over into more of our everyday too. If I tried to leave a room, you would cling to me. After we got home from our vacation last week I decided to put the front back on your crib and turn it around up against the wall. So far (knock on all the wood) it’s working, but you still want to hold our hands until you are asleep, or at least almost there. 

Your memory is really good. You sing all of the songs with me each night before bed. You don't know them word for word necessarily, but you always chime in with the last couple words of each line at the very least. And the other day you had a piece of a train track in your hand and I said choo choo. From there, you recited a book we read before bed. I was amazed and called daddy in so he could hear you do it too.
I can't believe we are closing the chapter on your second year. If I had to guess, this next year will be full of smiles, belly laughs, tears (from us all) more stubbornness, more independence, but most of all, love. May you never doubt how much we love you sweet boy.You have completed our family more than we ever thought possible.

Happy 2nd birthday, Drake!!

My Happy Place

JJ had his final week of vacation for the year scheduled for the middle of May. At first I didn't think much of it, but then I decided we should go somewhere. I splurged and booked a three bedroom condo for us at the Lake of the Ozarks about a month ago and we have really been looking forward to going.

The Ozarks brings back so many childhood memories for me. We would go every summer for years, sometimes multiple times a summer. As soon as I get there, I am just flooded with memories of my mom, dad, and brother from our earlier years. Even though the lake has changed quite a bit, just being there makes me feel close to my mom because much of it is the same. She has been to many of the places and done many of the things that are still there today.

We had planned to go for three nights and it ended up being the perfect time away. We didn't feel like we had to cram things in each day, and it was just enough time away from home. There were some pros and cons going the week we did, but overall the pros won out. This was the last week before in-season started, so the 3-bedroom condo we got for $90 a night jumped to $250 a night the day we left! One of the reasons I picked this condo was for the pool and splash pad they had. Well, the pool wasn't even open yet, but it was pretty cool and rained some when we were there, so honestly it was probably better it wasn't open. The temperature was perfect during the day unlike later in the summer when it's so hot you can only be outside for minutes at a time. However, it was too cool to take the kids out on the water in a boat and be comfortable. Although it rained and we ended up with a fun activity, there were two other activities we had planned on that ended up not being open yet for the season. If it had rained another day, we probably would have been scrambling looking for something to do. At this stage in our life, with two young kids, going during the week right before the season kicks off was perfect for us.


Our vacation started with a dead car battery. I swear, it's always something. So even though we were about an hour behind, we still ended up leaving close to nap time on Tuesday. Of course the kids didn't sleep until about 20 minutes before we got there when Drake finally crashed. It was about 7:00 by the time we finally pulled in.

We dropped off our stuff at the condo and then went to buy groceries. We had no idea how bedtime was going to go. When we stayed in a condo last year, we had a two bedroom. Chloe ended up sleeping in a pack n play in our room and Drake had his own room. It worked great. Since Chloe is too big for a pack n play, we decided each kid would do better in their own room. However, Drake decided to throw a wrench in that plan when he learned how to climb out of his crib a couple weeks before, and the pack n play a day before. One bedroom had bunk beds so that was pretty much out. We decided to try and put Chloe and Drake in the same room, her in bed, him in the pack n play.

This looks like trouble, doesn't it?

Clearly that wasn't going to work. Then JJ asked if they wanted to sleep together. Whaa? I mean seriously. Of course they got really excited about the idea. I was so tired by this point and knew it wasn't going to work, but I wanted to be amused and watch him try. He gave it a good attempt but there was no way it was happening. We moved the pack n play to our room next to me, but he wasn't having it so we all slept together. I didn't even consider that, but we did it each night and I honestly can say I miss having my kids next to me in bed at night now that we are home. Chloe slept till 8; Drake till after 9.

I took way too many pictures of my kids sleeping, but they never sleep with us, so I had to soak it up.

 

Wednesday was the best weather day so we decided to do go karts and mini golf. The day started off though with just me and my girl, and the calmest I have ever seen the lake.

 On Mother's Day I posted this picture of my mom saying I wanted to focus on the positives and make new memories with my own kids.

And just a few days later, I was able to - at the same go kart track. 

(He really did seem to enjoy it, but the sun was in his eyes for pictures).

 It was so cute, as we were getting ready to go, he put his hand on my leg.

Go karts were fun, but golf was a little stressful. It may have been because it was lunch and nap time. The kids had a good time with both though. We came home and grilled some sausage, then all laid down to watch a movie. The king bed is awesome for that. Both kids ended up falling asleep next to each other and took a good nap.

 This place was called Pirate's Cove so at the end, the kids got hats. Chloe was saying "arrrrgggg!"

And he just looked cute in his hat.

After they woke up, we went down to the lake to feed the fish and look for turtles and snakes. Then we went to the playground at the property before going in for the night. We all slept in the same bed, although it took them much longer to fall asleep.

Thursday morning, Drake was up early around 7:15 and Chloe slept till 8. We hung out in the condo and left late morning for the outlet mall. It was raining at this point so we didn't go to too many stores, but managed to buy a few things. We headed back to the condo, ate lunch, and I laid down with the kids for a nap while JJ showered. Thankfully Drake fell asleep pretty quickly but Chloe just watched a movie.

A few of the indoor activities we thought we'd do weren't open yet during the week so we decided to drive about 40 min to the closest theater showing an animated movie. This is the first time for JJ and I to take the kids, although it was Chloe's second movie.They both did really well and the movie was cute. I'm glad there were only two other people in the theater though because for the last 5 or 10 minutes Drake was walking around a bit.

We got done about 5:45 and had a 40 minute drive back so we planned to stop off at a new store and get some steaks to grill. As we walked in though, there was a big smoker in the parking lot which smelled awesome, so we ended up getting bbq instead. We took advantage of the screened in deck and ate out there together for our last night .

The kids loved the fancy shopping carts and JJ was racing them through the store.

We had to try out the jacuzzi tub before we left. Of course, it wasn't JJ or I, but the kids. Priorities, right? :)

Thursday morning I got up early and everyone else slept till about 8:30. We packed up and hit the road at 11. Our last stop before leaving town was a candy store we always go to for taffy. On the way, JJ happened to see a turtle on the road. He had been looking for one since we left the house Tuesday. Of course I was driving too fast to stop, so I went to the next point to turn around and in the meantime he saw a second one. We went back and got the first and I asked him if he wanted the second one too. He said why not so I turned around yet again, and just like that, we had two.

When we stopped for taffy, we let the kids see and hold them. Chloe was an old pro and Drake was pretty curious himself. 

 

We got our taffy, let them stretch their legs one final time, and then we were on our way home. The kids did good in the car; we stopped about half way for gas and a potty break and of course it was the one 5-minute stretch of our drive when it started pouring! Luckily Chloe and I didn't get too soaked running back to the car.

As nice as it is to go away on vacation, it's even nicer to get home. Especially when JJ and I still had days left before we had to go back to work. Our second family vacation is in the books, and it was another great success! We hope to go to Omaha this fall, so in the future I know all we need is one bedroom and a king bed!

Chloe Lately

I can’t believe your first year of preschool is coming to an end. You have one more week left before summer break, and I think you are really going to miss it. I am so happy with how well you adapted to the new schedule, something that was completely different for you, and how well you’ve thrived. Because I know you enjoy structured settings like that so well now, we have signed you up for three week long camps this summer that you will attend with at least one, if not more friends. 

I slacked at taking pictures this time, so I pulled from cell phone pictures I had.

 A project from school that brought tears to my eyes.

I need to get better about doing arts and crafts at home with you because that seems to be one of your favorite activities at school. Thanks to the suggestion from a friend, I bought you a huge tub of beads and some pipe cleaners, and you have spent a lot of time in the last week making beautiful necklaces. 

You want to succeed in everything you do. Of course you are in an independent stage, and if you can’t get something just right, you get upset. The two examples that stick out in my mind right now are riding your tricycle and learning how to tie a bow. The trike, your legs are still just too short. You can go down the hill just fine, but can’t make it back up and boy does it make you mad. And yesterday I had a robe on and you wanted to see the bow. I showed you how to do it and after a few failed attempts from you, you got pretty upset. It just takes practice, sweetheart. I love that you want everything to be just right, but you’ve also got to learn to cut yourself some slack. 

You continue to do well sleeping in your big girl bed, although a handful of times you’ve fallen out in the middle of the night. Naps, thank goodness, are still around but it’s about 60/40 whether you actually sleep on any given day. We are back to daddy putting you to bed at night and I know you are happy about that.

I’ve tried to hint at the idea of doing away with pull ups at nap time, but when I mention it to you, you say no and go get one to put on. Yesterday however, when I asked you to get one you said no, that you didn’t need one. And you know what? You stayed dry! I think I will continue to ask and talk up the fact that you don’t need them anymore, but somewhat make it your call. We’ll see how it goes. And we’re not even close to doing away with them overnight yet.

I’ve really enjoyed watching your relationship with your brother grow. You guys really are best friends, but like always, there are good times and bad times. You two can come up with various games to play and ways to entertain yourselves. You’ll get the best laughs out of each other, but also sometimes cause the biggest tears. You have been really sweet lately asking Drake if he’s okay wherever he might be, or praising him when he does something right, and now that he likes to be independent too and walk everywhere, you always hold his hand. You can’t wait for the day that you guys can have a sleepover in your room. 

We are realizing how easy we’ve had it with you. Your brother isn’t quite so easy, and for that I want to thank you. Often times we’ve caught ourselves holding you back because if you do something, Drake immediately has to copy you, and that’s not fair to you. Little things like hopping down the steps, or walking on a curb, things that you should be able to try if you want – we’re working on that. We still have our struggles with attitude and listening, but you’re 3 – it’s to be expected. 

You have come out of your shell so much recently. We went to a volleyball park a couple weeks ago and you would just go up to groups of kids and start playing. At the house, you’ll stand on the curb and beg to go play with the kids across the street (that we haven’t met yet). I finally let you go a couple days ago, and both you and your brother fit right in. I need to let my own insecurities go and be willing to meet new friends as much as you are. 

Trading In His Nickname

This kid is sure going to keep us on our toes! Last Friday I came home from work and the sitter (it was our normal sitter’s granddaughter on this day) told me that Drake can now climb out of his crib. I guess I figured eventually it might happen, but it just caught me by surprise. I asked if she actually saw him do it and she said yes. The first time she didn’t; she heard knocking and thought it was Chloe, went upstairs, and there he was standing at his door. She put him back in his crib and watched him do it the second time on the monitor. Then I came home, and I watched him (and recorded him) doing it for the third time. I joked that we needed to trade in his Turtle P nickname for Monkey for how well he climbs. I went up there, sang him a couple songs, and he was out for nap time. He was good until Tuesday morning when JJ was home with him. I just kept a close eye on him and would run into his room before he had a chance to hike his leg, but I knew when JJ was home alone with the kids, he wouldn’t wake up in time. Drake greeted him at his door both Tuesday and Wednesday morning.

(I have somewhat kept track of how things have gone this past week so this post will probably be boring and repetitive, but I thought it would be interesting and fun to have to look back on...not at the moment though as we are dealing with a bit of a difficult transition).

Then Thursday morning as I grabbed the monitor to go downstairs and meet the sitter, I flipped it on and Drake was nowhere to be found. My heart skipped a couple beats before I realized he must have climbed out of his crib sometime in the middle of the night, and I didn’t hear him! I started moving the camera around and I could barely see him right in front of his door. Asleep on the floor. I couldn’t just leave without going in there, so I slowly and quietly opened the door as much as I could (his legs were against it) and he repositioned a bit, but he was out. I decided to leave him there, and took a picture of course, and told the sitter that he’d probably be up early. To my surprise though, he slept until 9 right there on the floor.

That same day at nap time, the sitter put him down, he threw all of his toys and lovies out within about ten minutes and then hiked his leg and climbed out. She was watching him on the monitor (I wish she would have gone in and stopped him but oh well), and once he got down he grabbed his favorite lovey, went to the door, laid down and fell asleep. He slept for an hour and a half on the floor in the same spot where I found him that morning.

That evening, JJ had stopped off at the hardware store to get some screws so we could drill more holes and lower the mattress, but we called Drake into his room and asked him to show us how he gets out. It was pretty obvious that lowering the crib a few inches wasn’t going to keep him from climbing out. He scales the side of the crib before hiking his leg and lowering himself down. Thankfully that night he stayed in all night long, but the sitter (again) watched him climb out Friday morning.


Friday night he crawled out of bed right away, went to the door and fell asleep. JJ went in about an hour later and put him back in bed and we thought we were golden. Then around 2:00 a.m. I heard him, and up and over the side he went, and back to his spot on the floor right in front of the door. I woke up a couple more times during the night, and each time, he was in a different spot on the floor.

 I had to wake him up Saturday morning and this is where I found him.

I didn't like the fact that he had climbed out of his bed in the middle of the night a couple times now, so I decided to just go for it and I took the front of his crib off Saturday right before he went down for a nap. Maybe it was a mistake to do it right before bed and not giving him time to get familiar with it, because I no sooner put him down and left, and he went right back to throwing everything out and onto the floor...and then climbed over the edge again! Except this time he didn't have the front to help lower himself down, and even though he got his feet down, the momentum made him fall to his tush. I went into his room, got him all settled again and left, and he did the same thing. This time however, he got stuck before he could make it over and fell with his back landing on the safety rail which then knocked him to the ground. At this point I was pissed. It was his nap time and he would not stop trying to climb out when it wasn't even necessary! I went in there again and he wanted me to hold his hand, forever. I sat in the glider and he was fine with me just being in the room, but I had to get up and put Chloe to bed too. Once I came back in the room, I told him I'd sit in the glider, and he was out within about five minutes.

Saturday night he ended up sleeping on the floor again. He climbed out right away and we just let him stay out of his crib.

Sunday at nap time we had the same issues. He wanted me to hold his hand and would not let me leave. If I even tried to, he'd freak out and stand up. This is new; I have no idea what his issue is with me leaving the room all of a sudden. I told him I had to put Chloe to bed and if he was still awake, I'd come back in. He got up and I watched him walk all around in his room on the monitor; he was trying to find his lovey. He went from the floor in front of the door, to leaning on the ottoman, to sitting in the glider (I thought he was going to fall asleep).

At that point JJ got home from work and thought maybe if he'd go in and find his lovey, he'd fall asleep. Well, JJ decided to move the mattress onto the floor and he stayed in there for awhile, but Drake never took a nap. He was in there for a good hour and a half, and never slept. He just entertained himself doing various things, and looking like he was going to fall asleep multiple times but never did.

JJ got him to lie down, but once he left, he was back up and roaming his room again.

Sunday night at bedtime I told JJ I thought we should try something different and have him put him to bed, to see if he'd freak out when he left like he normally does with me. By the time I got done putting Chloe to bed, I turned on the monitor to see that JJ had gone straight to putting him on a pallet on the floor...and JJ was asleep next to him.

 Night night, little buddy

Around 1:45 a.m. I heard him and clicked on the monitor. He was standing in his bed getting a drink. Once he was done though, he got down and went back to his spot on the floor. He realized he still had animals in his bed and made about six trips back and forth getting one thing at a time and setting it next to him on the floor. It was adorable. And just like that, he was asleep again.

I did a Google search about this and realized it seems to be a fairly common thing. The consensus is that as long as they are safe and seem to be getting good rest, then leave them. Eventually they will come back to their bed. So I think that's what we are going to go with. I thought our next step might be to remove the crib completely and put the mattress on the floor, or buy a toddler bed, but since he seems to have stopped climbing over the rail now and it's not a safety issue, I think we'll leave it in there as it is. I don't imagine he'd like a toddler bed any better; he'll probably still end up on the floor.

Has your child(ren) ever done this before? The fact that he was climbing out when he woke up from his nap or in the morning was baffling enough to me, but now adding onto it that he basically refuses to sleep in his bed and chooses the floor is even more bizarre. I will say, I didn't have much time for it to soak in, but I can't believe I don't have a full on crib in my house anymore. I thought we had a good year or so before that day came. But no; just another slap in the face that my baby is no longer a baby. But he sure looks cute sleeping on the floor with his butt up in the air, something he never did in his crib.