First vacation as a family of four

Last Friday morning we had no plans of a vacation anytime soon, but a week ago today we were packing to go to the Ozarks for our first vacation as a family of four. I certainly didn’t think we’d plan a trip so last minute, but I had really wanted to get out of town for a few days and it sort of counted as my birthday present. 

The plan was to leave around 11 am on Monday which is close to Drake’s nap time so hopefully he’d sleep.  Well of course things don’t go as planned and at 11:30 as we were about to pack the car and go, JJ realized his power steering fluid was leaking. He had to go to the store, get more, and then drive around for a while to make sure that fixed the problem.  In the meantime I decided to put Drake down for a nap at home because at this point he had already been up for over three hours.  I let him sleep for about an hour before waking him up and us hitting the road, around 1:00. 

Thankfully both kids did great in the car.  Oh, and our tablet died a few days ago just a few days after the extended warranty expired so we didn’t have that tool either to keep the kids entertained.  Other than snacks, they didn’t have anything else with them on the 3 ½ hour drive, but they were awesome. 

My family was in heaven because there were several turtles that hung out right outside these windows the whole time.

We got to the condo around 4:30, unloaded the car and let everyone stretch their legs.  Then we got the jet ski in the water and went to the store to get some food for dinner because at this point it was about 8:00 and we still hadn’t eaten dinner.  After getting back we ate, and just hung out, and I decided to attempt to put Drake to bed about 9:30.  

So here’s the deal.  We’ve only been on a few vacations with Chloe since she’s been born, and she does NOT sleep well away from home.  JJ and I went into this prepared not to sleep at all.  But I wanted to do everything I could to try and help them sleep.  So we packed…a lot.  For Drake, I had a pack n play, all his lovies, the baby monitor, and his light box from his room.  For Chloe, I also had a pack n play (remember she’s still in her crib at home), her pillow, blankets, and stuffed animals. 

The condo was a two bedroom and we decided to put Drake in the second bedroom and Chloe in with us because honestly we figured she’d end up in our bed.  We got Drake’s room all set up, I nursed him before bed, set him in the pack n play, walked out, and never heard another peep from him.  It was amazing!!  The only thing we didn’t bring that I was a little nervous about not having was a fan for white noise, but he apparently doesn’t need it.  Keep in mind he didn’t get a second nap so he’d been up at this point for about 9 hours.

 I ended my night cuddling with this sweet girl on the couch.

The rest of us stayed up until around 11:00 before heading for bed.  And again, Chloe hadn’t napped at all that day so we knew she was tired.  She had been talking about wanting to sleep in her pack n play, but when JJ put her in it at the foot of our bed, it was hilarious.  She’d lay down, JJ and I were in bed, and then all of a sudden we’d hear her shuffling and she was standing up staring at us.  Then she’d lay back down and a minute later pop back up again.  She didn’t know we were watching her and she never said anything.  JJ and I were laughing so hard though because she looked like a prairie dog. 

He went and got her and put her in bed with us but that didn’t work.  She stayed there for about 30 minutes but was so wired and wouldn’t get settled so he put her back in the pack n play and she was out.  Both kids slept until 9:00 the next morning!  Now that is a vacation!  I was expecting them to be up throughout the night and wake up super early, but apparently they were really tired.  

Sleepy girl our first morning there

Breakfast, vacation style

Tuesday morning we headed to the pool.  The weather was really hot, like 97 degrees, so we didn’t stay out too long.  Drake went down for his first nap (again with no problem) and Chloe and I went out on the jet ski.  Silly JJ forgot to make sure the memory card was in the camera, so all the pictures he thought he took, yeah…didn’t happen.  JJ grilled some Italian sausage for lunch and we all ate after Drake woke up.  Then we just hung out at the condo for a couple hours.  Drake was starting to get fussy, so even though we had planned on the kids not taking an afternoon nap, it was clear he needed one so he went down for about an hour.  We decided to go out to eat for dinner and then wanted to take Chloe to ride in a go cart. 

The drive from dinner to the go karts was about 10 minutes, and she passed out in the car about two minutes before we got there.  When JJ and I got out of the car, she didn’t even budge.  I know JJ felt bad and almost didn’t want to bother her, but I said oh come on, she’ll enjoy it and wake up for this.  So we did it and once she woke up she seemed excited.  Drake and I watched and took pictures.  Apparently after the first turn on the track, Chloe said “ok daddy, all done.”  JJ was like, uh… He had one arm around her and drove with the other arm all while she covered her ears.  It was pretty funny.  She never cried though, and although she said she was done about 15 times, they made it through till the end and once she got off she said it was great.  JJ laughed though because he said clearly she didn’t think it was that great when they were out there. 

 You can kind of see she's covering her ears

Our next stop was Andy’s Frozen Yogurt which is another must when visiting the lake.  Drake had been in the car seat for a long time at this point so we let him walk around.  That boy would not stop and was getting the attention of everyone there.  He’d get a bit of ice cream, turn and walk a few steps before realizing he wanted more, and he’d turn back around and head towards JJ for another bite.  It was hilarious.  

 

We got back to the condo around 9:30, let the kids play for a bit, and then put Drake down for bed.  Again with no problems, he’s such a champ!!  The rest of us stayed up and watched a movie but we were all exhausted and went to bed around 11:00.  Everyone slept in until 9:30 the next morning and I think would have kept sleeping if we didn’t have to get up to start packing to go home.

 

We saved the outlet mall for the last day.  Another must when at the lake.  So we loaded up the car and the jet ski and headed to go shopping.  On the way out of town we stopped by our favorite taffy store and loaded up on some sweets and then hit the road. 

I really wasn’t looking at this as a vacation going into it, but it honestly was.  The kids did so good; JJ and I were really proud of them.  Oh, the other thing we packed was Drake’s highchair which I think was another must have.  The key to a successful trip for us was over-packing to make sure the kids felt comfortable. Coming to the lake was such a family tradition for both JJ and I growing up.  Chloe had been once before for a friend’s wedding when she was 10 months old, but it was different this time with all four of us being here.  As Drake and I sat watching JJ and Chloe on the go cart, I couldn’t help but picture my family there (mom, dad, and brother) at the same track multiple times over the years and realizing I’m the mom now.  These are my kids.  We are making our own memories and own traditions.  And I love it.  

I snapped this picture before we left the condo.  Love.

(I thought my post would end here, but little did we know the story didn't end there.  I had written everything up to this point before we actually left the lake.  Hang on, this might be one of my longest posts yet).

The drive back wasn’t as great as the drive down.  It wasn’t horrible, but we left around 3:00 thinking for sure the kids would sleep on the way home.  Well, they didn’t.  Right off the bat, Chloe and Drake were entertaining each other I think by smacking themselves in the head which caused the other one to laugh hysterically.  It was pretty funny and I loved hearing the giggles coming from the backseat.  But soon it switched to yelling over the other one to see who could be louder.  JJ was on the verge of a migraine so the extra noise wasn’t a good thing.  And nothing we did or said would quiet them down.  They were just not interested in sleeping!  JJ had some earplugs in the car from work so he put those in.  You could tell after a while Chloe was getting tired but couldn’t get comfortable and would kick and toss her blankets and pillows, but then want them back and couldn’t reach them anymore so I’d have to hand them back to her.  We went through a ton of snacks to keep them busy.  And for the last 45 minutes of the drive I decided to climb in the back and sit between the two of them to try and entertain them.  We were definitely happy to be home when we pulled into the driveway.

Notice JJ's earplugs , haha!

Except…I went in first to turn off the alarm and let the dogs out and as soon as I walked in I remembered I had left the thermostat on 75 so I went to turn it down so JJ wasn’t too hot.  But as soon as I walked upstairs, something didn’t seem right.  The dogs were panting like crazy and the house was literally filled with a fog or haze.  I went to the thermostat and it was 95 freaking degrees!!!  I came back outside and told JJ we had a problem.  We brought the kids inside and I didn’t know what to do next.  It was so miserable in there.  We started making calls to see if someone could come out asap and JJ started taking the a/c unit apart to see if he could figure out what the problem was.  The kids were exhausted, I stripped them down to their diapers but it just wasn’t cutting it.  JJ finally found someone who was able to come out that night but we didn’t know what time it would be.  I went ahead and fed Drake some cold chicken, oranges, and tomatoes to try and cool him off and decided to put him to bed around 7:00 since he’d been up since 9:30 that morning.  He’s never gone a whole day without a nap before.  I was really worried about putting him to bed with it being so hot in the house (by this point it was only 90 degrees) but he didn’t seem to mind too much.  I put him in just a diaper and sleep sack and he passed out right away while nursing and didn’t even wake up when I moved him to his bed.  I had his fan blowing right on him too.   

 His poor, flushed cheeks

He was asleep for about 30 minutes before he woke up just crying, crying.  I went in there, picked him up and he fell asleep in my arms again.  I put him back down with a sippy of ice water in case that would help and at first I think it did; he just kept holding it.  But then I think he might have whacked himself in the face with it and that’s all it took to start the screaming again. He was not going back to sleep. 

The serviceman had just arrived so I had to get him all situated and then ran to get Drake.  He, Chloe and I went for a walk for a few minutes in just their diapers to calm him down and to get out of the house.  It was cooler outside than it was inside.  JJ got home from the store as the serviceman determined what the problem was and told us how much it would cost.  He had it working in 5 minutes once he replaced the broken part.  The $311 part.  Then he added nearly two pounds of refrigerant which is $70 a pound but somehow JJ avoided us being charged that additional $140.  Nice!  While all that was going on, Chloe was on the couch watching tv while I rocked Drake again and put him back to bed for the third time in just a diaper, no sleep sack. 

Of course he ended up falling asleep with all his lovies on him.

He was out pretty quick and thankfully stayed asleep throughout the night.  I was afraid he’d be too cold once the house cooled down, and crazily enough we set the thermostat on 70 but when I woke up the next morning it was 67 because it had dropped enough outside.  I was really cold with all the covers on me and poor D had nothing, but he seemed totally fine with it.  When I nursed him before work I did put the sleep sack on him though and turned the heat on.  So yeah, that’s how our trip actually ended.

14 Months - Drake

Here we are, another month down.  Even though the month went fast (as they all do anymore) there were no big milestones to speak of so in that sense it wasn’t a huge month.  You are definitely a full time walker now.  Every once in a while you’ll crawl a few feet if you stumble or if you were sitting and want something fairly close to you, but otherwise you are a walking machine.  We bought you your first pair of shoes this month and you are still getting used to walking in them.  It’s pretty funny, you look like you are walking with bricks on your feet the way you pick your legs up really high.  We did have our first somewhat major owie though. You are pretty confident with your walking, and we are too for the most part.  You were walking from the couch to the wall with the window in the living room and I guess misjudged how close you actually were.  You had your hands up like you were ready to grab the window sill, but instead went face first into the wall with your hands still above your head.  There was a lot of blood and a lot of tears.  As much as I wish I was there to help calm you down, I’m glad daddy was there to help clean you up.  And unfortunately you cut your lip or mouth two more times this month before I think the original injury truly healed.  You are a tough little guy though!

You continue to be a good eater but like to make it known when you are full or don’t want to eat something anymore by throwing it to the floor at lightning speed.  And thank goodness you are drinking more these days.  We did manage to find the sippy cup that you like but you’ve also done okay drinking out of a regular cup on occasions and can sometimes get a little bit out of the cup your sister uses too.  But I’m not worried like I was before about you getting enough liquid which is quite a relief.

 Is this not a mini JJ??

Another relief is that your sleep has gotten back on track.  I noticed the other day you are cutting your third tooth on the top so my guess is that was the culprit of you waking up in the middle of the night last month.  Now I typically have to wake you up before I leave for work in the morning to nurse you and then you go back to sleep until at least 8:30.  On days that I’m off you usually sleep until 8:00 and then I just get you up for the day at that point.  You’ve gotten more consistent at taking two naps again, the first one being about an hour and a half after you wake up for the day.  The second one we try and time it with when your sister naps and usually that one only lasts about an hour.  It’s obvious you are not ready to get rid of your morning nap and your afternoon nap is the one we’ll be keeping long term so I’d say the two naps a day are here to stay for a bit longer. 

We went on your first vacation this week and you did great!!  Both you and your sister did much better than your daddy and I expected, but the main difference between you two is you are a much better sleeper away from home than she was at your age.  You went down for naps and bedtime in the pack n play like a champ.

We’ve seen a glimpse of a tantrum if you want to call it that for a 14 month old.  One night we were all outside with the neighbors and it was time to go to bed.  You wanted none of that and preferred to stay outside playing, so when I picked you up you started screaming and kicking and arching back trying to get out of my arms.  You cried all the way inside and it lasted halfway through me changing you for bed.  It was crazy!  And one time during a showing for the house daddy took you and sissy to the park and didn’t take the stroller.  You did not want to be held and kept kicking the same way and crying to get down.  Your sister is also in this phase now where she loves to push you down.  For no reason. She’ll just walk or run up to you and push!!  You end up on the ground and you are not happy about that.  It usually ends in tears for one or both of you because daddy and I are so tired of the constant pushing we end up yelling.  We keep telling her one of these days you are going to be bigger than her, but in the meantime, she is getting some kind of joy out of knocking you down.  When it’s still in the playful stage though, you guys do like to wrestle with each other.

We love you silly, little buddy!

Fun at the Zoo

The weather has been unseasonably cool in KC, even setting record lows a few days this week.  I bid on six passes to the zoo at the silent auction at our event this past Saturday and won so we thought yesterday would be the perfect day to take the whole family.  It had been a year or so since Chloe had gone and Drake had never been before.

We watched the sea lion splash

I kept snapping pictures of this little guy.

Chloe waiting in line for the carousel.  She had just spotted me and started to wave.

I had to post all of these pictures.  Each time she came around I think her smile got bigger and bigger.  Pass #1.

Pass #2

Pass #3

Spotting happy feet (penguins) for the first time

I couldn't believe how big they were!

"See mom, happy feet!"

And again, this guy was just chillin' in his stroller with his legs all kicked up

He had a good time on the tram

Love him!

Stopped to eat a sandwich and tell a lady about seeing happy feet.  Think that was her highlight of the visit? :)

My family was in heaven after seeing these giant tortoises

I had planned on us getting there around 9:30 which is early for us, but I took the risk of waking Drake up at 7:00 to feed him in hopes he'd go back to sleep for another hour or so.  We would be missing his morning nap, and thanks to a showing the morning before, we realized he is NOT ready to give up his morning nap just yet.  Well that little stinker played in his crib for two hours before finally falling asleep!  So I let him go for about 45 minutes before waking him up to get dressed and hitting the road.  We got to the zoo around 11:30 and stayed until they closed at 4:00.  I didn't think we'd stay anywhere near that long, but both kids were such troopers.  Drake was in the stroller the whole time until we had to do diaper changes and load onto the tram which at that point he just wanted to walk around.  But once we got to our destination, I whipped out the sandwiches and that distracted him enough to be happy with the stroller for the rest of the visit.  Chloe walked a majority of the time and then would get in her stroller for longer periods between exhibits.  Even though we saw tons of kids passed out in strollers, my kids were not among that crowd.  They didn't even fall asleep on the way home which I had bet JJ within 7 minutes of getting in the car they'd both be asleep.  He and I both sure got a workout though pushing that stroller, and at times, both kids through the zoo.  It was such a fun day and I love seeing Chloe get more excited about the animals.  I think Drake will enjoy it even more as he gets older too. 

Big Day All Around

This past Saturday I was in charge of a BBQ to help raise funds for a military organization I started at my university several months ago.  It was our first event of the sort at this campus, and truth be told we should have started planning this months ago.  Instead, we started about 5 weeks ago but didn't get the final green light until last Tuesday, so we literally had 12 days to get the word out and solidify volunteers.  I knew at the last minute things would come together (that didn't mean there weren't a few sleepless nights leading up to it) but my biggest worry was that no one would show up. 

We didn't have a ton of people, or even a lot, but I expected that.  We were able to get a few people to just pull in from us holding signs on the street corner and a few of our military students came which was nice to put a face to the name of people I've worked with for months or even years.  We had a great area set up for the kids including face painting, tattoos, water games, and a bunch of other things, we had a BBQ with hotdogs, hamburgers, and ribs, a few vendor tables, a dj, and a silent auction.  I'm pretty sure the silent auction table is what saved us.  It was sooo hot that day though.  The hih was 95 plus humidity.  I don't know how JJ works out in the heat like this in jeans and the other stuff he sometimes has to wear.  When it was all said and done we raised close to $400 with the opportunity to add another $50-$100 to that once we (my office) provides the remaining meat to our staff.  I'm pretty impressed!  About 90% of the money earned was probably people from my office that were there to volunteer, and then close family of friends of people there, but you know what - it's a start.  I think turning a profit at all for how we had to throw this together at the last minute is good.  We definitely will do it again, but maybe down at the main campus before a football game to ensure lots of foot traffic. 

I'm bummed this is the only picture I got and it was just as we were starting to set up.

Since it was on a Saturday, that meant I had to get someone to watch the kids.  It was going to be a long day so it was best if whoever watched them could come to our house.  I asked my dad and Julie and they were available so that was the plan.  But then on Thursday Julie called to tell me she wanted to take Chloe to a movie.  I admit it was a small punch in the gut for a few reasons: 1)  this would have been Chloe's first movie and I was a little sad it wouldn't be JJ and I taking her, and 2) she would be in the car with someone other than JJ or I.  In the end, we decided she could go and to my surprise she made it through the whole movie!  Julie said she'd get up and walk down the aisle occasionally, but it wasn't busy so it was fine.  I'm so proud of my big girl and it was adorable listening to her tell us about it when we got home.  The biiiiiig tv and the paw-corn.  :)

So that left Drake with my dad alone for a few hours.  This was probably the part I was most nervous about.  There have been a few occasions that my dad has watched one or both kids on his own and he's just not a natural if you will.  I have no idea how involved he was with my brother and I when we were little, but let's just say he's out of practice.  Doesn't know to anticipate things, doesn't think to change diapers before nap time, that sort of thing.  We timed it pretty good though, so I was able to feed Drake breakfast before I left, but my dad did have to put him down for his first nap.  Then he ended up sleeping until Julie and Chloe got home from the movie so he had it really easy.  And I was thankful for that.  Drake is a walking machine lately, but that means you have to be one step ahead of him because he can lose his footing really easily and if you aren't prepared, you might end up with a bloody mess.  (Yeah that happened last week...poor buddy misjudged and thought he was close enough to the wall, but he wasn't.  He went head first and ended up with a bloody mouth.  We still don't know exactly what in his mouth he hit, but I'm just glad I wasn't there to see all the blood and JJ was home to deal with it).

I'm really glad it was a good day for everyone because I know for JJ if things didn't go well with my dad and Julie watching the kids, it was going to be the last time he allowed it.  Now if we can just trust someone overnight with the kids, maybe JJ and I can get away for a short vacation! :)

We're Movin On Up...

...to the north side!  At least that's the hope.  Thanks to whoneedsit, when we finally decided to pull the trigger and put our house on the market, we were in a MUCH better place than before.  We originally started thinking about moving last year around the time Drake was born.  I had it in my head it'd be the perfect time to move while I was on maternity leave.  Yeah, not so much.  We had some things that needed to be done to the house, not to mention de-cluttering every single room, closet, drawer, cabinet in the house, and it was not about to happen with a newborn and toddler.

I started seriously tackling areas in January and then took a break after a few weekends in February.  JJ and I started talking a couple months ago that if we were going to move this year, we needed to step things up and get it done over the summer months.  After clearing out the finished basement for Drake's birthday party, that gave us the push we needed to start on the other projects.  We made a list of everything that had to happen, and in big font added the date that we planned to call the realtor, printed the list off, and put it on the fridge.  We were a week past that date, but I think that was pretty good all things considered.

A month or so ago we met with our realtor, he came out to our house to look around and then he took us to three houses so he could get an idea of what we were looking for.  We knew this was going to be the case, but we decided to get our house on the market for a few weeks to see how things went before we started looking ourselves.  The types of home that we are looking for are going FAST!  Like as soon as they hit the market, they are gone in a matter of days.  The type of home that we are trying to sell, well they aren't moving as quickly.  The one right next door was a foreclosure that someone bought this spring and updated.  It's still on the market and hard to compete with when everything is brand new, and clean - no dogs or kids to mess it up.  Even though there are currently 14 (14!!!) other houses in our neighborhood alone for sale, all but 5 of them have contracts.  The signs in the yard are still intimidating though.

We finally got everything done on our house and last Wednesday, the realtor came back over for us to sign some paperwork and the photographer to take pictures.  That night we were officially on the market.  It was so surreal to watch him push the sign into our front yard.  Yes, I stood at the window and watching him do it. :)  We knew going into a holiday weekend that it might be a slow start, but two days in we already had one showing scheduled.  It was for Sunday so we knew we had to get the final final touches done by then

JJ ended up getting sick Saturday night which kept us from finishing, so he took Sunday off to help me the morning before the showing.  The house was looking great and we all piled in the car right as the realtor pulled up.  Well, she actually pulled up in the neighbor's driveway because their house was being shown at the same time.  JJ went with the kids to get lunch and I went with the dogs up the street and just sat in the car since I figured it would only be a few minutes.  Well the realtor left the neighbors, pulled into our driveway and stayed in our house for about 10 minutes...and then left!  No one else ever came.  I'm not sure what that was about but it was pretty disappointing to put in so much work this weekend and JJ take the day off for basically nothing.  Maybe the realtor had clients in mind and wanted to get a feel for things before bringing them?  I don't know.  I'm hoping our realtor will hear what happened and let us know.  (We found out the realtor was looking for an out of town client).

So far in seven days we've had four showings.  I think that's pretty good!  I'm still not holding my breath for anything to happen this month, but hopefully by the end of August we will have this place sold.  Yesterday was our first experience of getting a showing request with only an hour and half notice, and of course I was at work all day while JJ was home with the kids.  I thought for sure I'd be the first one to experience prepping the house solo with both kids, but he got the pleasure - and he rocked it.  The only worry is a few of the people have commented on a dog smell.  I guess we don't notice it since we live here, but we might have to clean the carpets to try and eliminate that.  Otherwise, maybe we can get rid of Sammy.  hint, hint.  (I'm kidding, we would never do that).

But anyway, here goes nothing!  Hoping we stay sane during this process and find our forever home when it's all said and done.  It will be quite the feat for us to keep our house show-ready during this time, but a week in already and we've done really well.  It makes me a little sad we haven't kept our house looking this nice all the time, but it is what it is.  We can vow to do better with our new house.  Wish us luck!

The Scene

We had all just gotten home from being out while our house was being shown (more on that later) and JJ had stopped by McDonald's to grab some lunch.  We put away the dining room chair that D eats on so he and Chloe were eating on the floor in the kitchen.  Sammy, our big dog, has been on my last nerve lately - always right under the kids while they eat and stalking them if they have a snack in their hand.  Chloe was being sweet and gave Drake a piece of bread, and he held it out towards Sammy.  Well that's all Sammy needed to have happen to grab it from his hand and eat it.

I was pissed and attempted to take off after him.  I think I was trying to run around Drake and in doing so I misjudged the corner.  Before I knew it, my knee and back were in pain and I was on the floor crying.  I had hit my left knee on one wall and the force of that caused me to literally flip around in the air and land, hitting my back on the corner of the opposite wall.  I wasn't sure what hurt worse.  I was lying there trying to gather myself, fighting back the tears, as I heard both kids start to cry inconsolably. 

I was coming from the kitchen, where the hardwood floors are, and heading down the hall.

 Except I only made it as far as that wall that juts out next to the closet door.

They had both been right there and seen it all, Chloe walked over to me crying and Drake was a few feet away just screaming.  JJ was in the bathroom and Chloe ran to him.  She had been eating her food with ketchup so she had ketchup all over her nose and mouth and I'm guessing spit (from crying) on her shirt, so when JJ saw her walk in crying, and after hearing the commotion, he thought she was hurt.  He couldn't understand what she was saying, so for him to then walk out into the hall and see me on the floor and Drake crying too, he was beyond confused.

See that moon-shaped crack?  Yeah...that's new.

 Annnnd the dent in the wall. 

After lying there another minute or two and wiping the tears, I moved to the table and just started laughing.  I couldn't believe I had just done that.  I've never fallen like that before in my life.  And then the kids' reaction really surprised me.  I think they just got really scared that I didn't get right up after falling.  I guess it's good to know if something really goes wrong, Chloe at least might be able to help in an emergency if she senses something bad.

So yeah, it was not good.  My knee is throbbing and the wall has seen better days.  We have metal trim around the corners and I managed to bend that and even cracked the wall a bit.  Definitely not what we need right now at the top of the steps when we are trying to sell our house.  Hopefully I can sand down the bit of blue paint that peeled off and can patch it without drawing too much attention.  Good lord, I am falling apart in my old age (30 in two weeks).  First my wrist and now this.  I guess I'd rather it be me that one of my kids though - I'd take their pain away any day if I could.