Who Am I?

I struggle sometimes with who I am.  For 18 months I was infertile.  For 9+ months I was pregnant.  And now for (gasp!) almost 6 months I have been a mom.  And add to that a daughter, a sister, a wife, a granddaughter, a cousin, a niece, an employee, a teacher, a friend, probably even sometimes an enemy, and the list could go on.  Whew, that’s a lot of things to be!  The best one by far is a mom.  I am Chloe’s mom.  But I feel as though those 9+ months of being pregnant never existed.  I look at myself in the mirror and see almost zero sign that I was ever once pregnant.  The only thing left is the slightest hint of the linea nigra.  I had an OB appointment last week and I felt so out of place sitting in the waiting room.  Like I didn’t belong there because I wasn’t pregnant.  Never mind the countless appointments that I just had with a big belly in tow.  Then over the weekend JJ and I took Chloe to Bu.yBuyB.aby to get some things.  And again I felt like I didn’t belong.  Like only pregnant women were supposed to be in that store.  Ridiculous, right?  I can’t believe how much I miss being pregnant.  It truly defined who I wanted to be for so long, and just like that it was over.  But then I think the goal wasn’t to get pregnant, the goal was to bring home a healthy baby.  And we did that.  So why am I struggling seeing myself as a mom?  I guess because I’ve only been doing it for a few months?  Maybe it’s because I don’t get the attention that I did when I had a big belly?  People who don’t know me have no clue that I have a new baby at home.  They just see me as a “normal person.”  And what’s so wrong with that?  I think back so often to those final days being pregnant, and how everything just fell into place.  But again, keeping the eye on the prize, we brought Chloe home.  I need to be here in the now for her.  What we went through shaped our lives today but it doesn’t define us anymore.  So who am I?  I’m Chloe’s mom.  The end.:)

Well We Did It

We took Chloe to the bar with us last night.  Car seat, diaper bag, and all.  I'm sure we were a sight walking in the door.  We decided to get there early, about 8:15.  Surprisingly the bar wasn't too crowded.  Our friends were already there so we joined them at a table.  The band was there setting up and we got to talk to my friend as he was walking in the door.  I had posted on his wall on FB asking "can we sneak a 5 month old into the bar to come see your last show" so I think he was pretty surprised that we actually showed up.

It was fairly loud in there just with everyone talking and the music playing overhead.  We were sure by the time the band started to play we'd have to leave.  The friend that we were with DJ's with the band and he had a decibel meter app on his phone.  He and JJ started Goo.gling how many decibels is too loud for a baby.  The consensus was between 85 and 90.  The noise was already at that level.  I think JJ was more worried about watching that damn decibel meter all night, but that's ok - he's just looking out for his little girl. :) 

I text my dad asking if he was in KC for the night.  He replied back no and asked if I needed something.  I told him about the band playing for the last time and he said give us an hour, save two seats, and we'll be there.  I had no idea they'd actually drive up to the city for the show.  I felt bad that we may not be able to see them since we hadn't planned on staying that late, but they were fine hanging out with our friends instead. 

Once the band started warming up, the drums alone were enough to make us pack up and leave.  I forgot how loud the music gets!  Even though we had to leave before we heard a song, I'm glad we got out.  It was nice to see our friends for the short time we were there.  And we waited out in the car to see my dad and Nina before they went in.  My dad sent me a text this morning thanking him for the invite and said they didn't get home until 2 am.  And here JJ and I were home by 10!  Ha!  Role reversal, much?

Can I Be That Mom?

At just a few weeks old, Chloe experienced her first trip to a bar.  But if you remember, in my defense it was a restaurant/bar and it was at 6:30 pm on a Wednesday evening.  We went for a friends going away party.  But tonight, tonight might be a different story.  One of my good friends is in a band.  He has gotten more and more popular over the years playing at various venues, hell he even played at my wedding reception.  He started out with gigs every Friday during the summer months at this particular bar in KC.  But as he got more popular, he got away from only playing at this bar.  It was our favorite place to watch him though.  Over the years some of the venues are quite a drive from our house so we haven't gone as often.  And now that we've had Chloe, we haven't seen him once.  Well that bar is closing and my friend's band is the very last band to play there before they close.  And that show is tonight.  I desperately want to go!  Can't I just sneak a 5 month old into a bar?  No one would have to know, right?  All our bars are non smoking now.  Does that justify things?  How about I will only let her drink out of her bottle of formula, unlike this babe.  :)

We need family close so on nights like tonight, we can get out for a few hours...

 (Found on Google)

TVT

I don’t feel like I have much else going on right now other than what I’ve been talking about for the last week or so, and I'm over all that.  So rather than having a totally boring TVT, I figured I would go on Chloe overload and post pictures and videos that we’ve taken over the last few weeks.  All of them are from my phone so the quality isn’t the best, but it’s just so quick to grab my phone and snap a picture. 

 I think it's funny what she does with her hands while she eats. This picture was taken a few weeks ago.  Now she likes to hold her bottle by herself, usually once it's about half empty.

 I love the back of this little head so much.  Shannon commented on how her head looks like a pumpkin, and as funny as that sounds, I think she's right!!  How cute and rolly (and grown up!!) does she look?

 If you couldn't gather from the first picture, yes, Chloe is sitting up on her own now!!  Her head looks so big in this picture and her body looks so little. 

And to be totally overkill, here is a video too.  I love how her eyes are following the bright flash on my phone.

This is how I get to start my mornings off on the weekends.  I had already been listening to her talk to herself for about 20 minutes before she had finally had enough.  By the time I got in there, she had a few whimpers. Her big smiles and big stretches are just the best.

Last Monday I was off work and the weather was gorgeous, so Chloe and I took a little stroll around the neighborhood.  She was stylin in her new shades. 

 Chloe is becoming best buds with both of our dogs.  We'll put her on Sammy's back like she's riding him.  She is always staring at the dogs and wanting to pet them.  I thought this was cute, even though the flash on my phone is super bright and makes Chloe blink...every time.

Oh I found some more pictures I can post!  (I'm at work...working hard...can't you tell? so I'm limited to what pictures I have access to).  But I did get the link to my dad's wedding photos.  Here are a few of my little family and one with my brother and his girlfriend.  

Chloe's face cracks me up in this picture.  It's like she's saying "what are you lookin at?

Emotionally Drained

This past week or so sure hasn’t been the best.  JJ and I never fight, but we have been pretty short with each other and it’s all over the stupid restaurant.  I guess the saying “don’t do business with family” is true – I can vouch for that.  But all that said, we are in a much better place now.  I always saw the restaurant coming to an end at a certain point.  JJ on the other hand thought possibly this could be our future.  He would make it big with the BBQ and quit the railroad.  It’s just not in the cards for us though for a variety of reasons.  The main one being location.  Location in that it is in a very small town out in the middle of nowhere with a population of 800, and also the fact that it’s 180 miles away from home.  JJ has kind of shut down because he feels like a failure.  I don’t see it that way AT ALL!!  I am so proud of him for sticking it out through one of the most demanding years we’ve had, the year we brought our daughter into this world.  He was away from home 5 days a week for a few months.  He was going to school.  He was still working at the railroad, albeit not very often.  We had 5 dogs at our house that I was dealing with complaining about. 

I guess he has known for a while that we needed to get out from under the restaurant but he just couldn’t bring himself to finally do it.  And now that we were finally in a place that we knew we were going to close down, it just got to both of us more than we thought.  We really do like having the restaurant.  It’s been a fun adventure, but definitely not a money maker like we had originally intended.  But it gives JJ something to do.  He gets bored being at home all day, especially now with a baby so he can’t get out and do things like he used to.  Don’t get me wrong, he loves being home with her, but don’t we all kind of get a little depressed once the weather turns cold and you get cabin fever during the winter months?  This allows him to have some interaction with people, do something that he loves, and have a sense of accomplishment. 

It was also starting to put a strain on the two of us because my dad was caught in the middle.  My dad gives us our checks every week and we were having a hard time coordinating with him to get those.  JJ finally put his foot down and said if we don’t have a check we are not coming out of pocket again to buy supplies.  So then we ran the risk of shutting down because we were out of supplies which doesn’t look good at all.  We met with my dad yesterday 100% convinced we were going to close in the next few weeks.  We left with a different outcome.  The restaurant is staying open.  We all feel like this is a good move…for now at least.  We have come up with a good plan so that we never have to come out of pocket for supplies again.  JJ will also be down there one day less a week.  That will save us money not having to use the sitter that extra day AND it will save us the gas money.  Instead, JJ will cook at home.  The plan is for him to go buy all the supplies on Monday and head down to the restaurant.  He will cook all day and prep food.  What food he doesn’t get cooked he will bring home with him to cook later in the week.  Since this is our slow time this will totally be manageable.  My dad is willing to drive to KC to pick up the food that JJ cooks at home and take it back to the restaurant.   If he’s willing to do that, JJ is more than willing to cook at home.  And if JJ ever needs to go down to the restaurant during the week other than Monday, my dad’s wife is more than happy to watch Chloe because she is out of work right now.  I was pretty nervous going into our little meeting yesterday, but I know JJ and I were both pleasantly surprised with the outcome. 

And thanks for your thoughts about the personal issue I am going through.  I have an old co-worker who I haven’t seen in about 4 years, but I keep up with her on FB.  She is getting her PhD in Psychology so I reached out to her last week.  We talked on the phone for about 45 minutes and it was good to get her perspective.  I also opened up to JJ about it over the weekend and feel so much better having his support as well.   I never intended on keeping it from him, I just needed to process things myself and get a handle on my own feelings before sharing it with him.  I’m so ready to put the last week behind us and move forward in a positive way.  I think a date night is in order. 

TVT

• I've had some strange dreams about babies since I've had Chloe.  In one there was this big open room in a hospital and all these pregnant women were delivering babies.  No privacy, just all together in this room.  There were even some women under the table with other women above them on the table.  Babies were coming out of two different doors leading to the room, and people were carrying them covered with blood.  The woman closest to the window where I was standing didn’t have any medicine and it was too painful to watch.  I figured since I had just been through it myself, I could watch, but I couldn’t.  And the ladies under the tables were laying there with their bloody babies, no help or anything.  It was so messed up!!!  The other one had a room at the end of the hall in a mall where a woman was having a baby, and again people were watching.  So bizarre!
• Chloe is doing this thing where she'll put her pacifier in her mouth, or a chew toy, or even your finger in her mouth, grab it, and yank it out of her mouth real hard.  She keeps a bite down on it though.  It's kind of funny to watch but sometimes it looks like she might hurt herself she does it so hard.  Is this her way of dealing with teething?  Do other babies do this?
• My 91 year old grandma decided she wanted a Wii.  Before having her shell out the money for one though, JJ took her ours and set it up for her.  I guess she gets bored during the day, which I can imagine, and wants something interactive.  I'd love to watch my grandma play Wii bowling!
• Last week when I picked Chloe up at the sitter she mentioned that she was doing really well with tummy time and pushing straight up.  She said she was trying to start to roll over but she wasn't sure if we had seen her do it yet, so she grabbed her real quick so her first time wouldn't be with the sitter.  Isn't that sweet?
• The credit card fraud case is still ongoing.  Currently we have police departments in two different cities working the case since where my card was initially stolen happened one place, and where the fraudulent charges occurred were another.  I'll keep you all updated though with this crazy story.
• How many people out there could say they are happy with their sex life?  I'm sure a guy's answer might differ from a girls.  Especially those that have newborns.  The other night JJ said he's just so tired after working at the restaurant and watching Chloe all day he just isn't in the mood at night.  Haha, hello???  How do you think I've felt for the last year?  It was just so funny hearing it come from a guy.  I just struggle to find the "right time."  You almost have to force yourself to be in the mood once the baby finally goes down because you know when you actually are in the mood, the baby won't cooperate.  Am I alone in this?
• Speaking of alone, I am going through something really personal right now and I feel so totally alone.  I can't go into details on my blog.  I can't go to friends and at this point I don't even want to talk to JJ about it.  Suffice it to say I have been put in a horrible position by a close family member and I don't know what to do about it.  I have been on the verge of tears for the last few days, and having serious talks about closing the restaurant down hasn't helped.  I just hope this feeling goes away soon and everything works itself out.  I am just so disappointed in this person, I don't even know what to think.

Him or Me?

I have always thought Chloe looks like JJ.  I came across my mom's purse at the house a few months back and looked at some of my baby pictures.  I thought, oh yeah, she looks like me.  Then I asked JJ's mom to find some of his baby pictures.  She brought them over a few weeks later and it blew me away!  Chloe looks just like him as a baby!!  I thought it would be fun to compare some pictures of all of us around the same age to see what we all looked like.  As I see these pictures now next to each other, I can see a little bit of me in her, but I still think she looks just like JJ.  Wasn't he a cute baby?  And yes, I was the chubbiest baby ever!  My dark hair and dark eyes look nothing like Chloe. 

2 months

5 months

Rules To Live By

This blog post is circulating a little bit among my KC friends on FB.  The author is from KC and is known for her funny, negative, sarcastic sense of humor.  The title of the post is Rules for Parents of Daughters.  I have a few to add to the list...

• Teach your daughter that she doesn't have to "marry up" in order to live a lifestyle that she prefers.  She can support her own self
• Teach your daughter how to be financially responsible and the value of a dollar.
• Teach your daughter to say what she means, and mean what she says
• Teach your daughter that she is beautiful, both inside and out
• Teach your daughter self-defense, enroll her in a class
• Teach your daughter to trust her intuition
• Teach your daughter there is no such thing as a stupid question
• Teach your daughter teamwork, sign her up for a sport
• Teach/show your daughter that you love her unconditionally
• This one is for the parents...treat your spouse the way you want your daughter to be treated when she grows up.  She is watching every move you make.

And for those of you with sons, here is the article for you.

What rules do you have to add?

Work for your own money dammit!

Remember when I mentioned my purse was stolen on Halloween?  And then I mentioned that my wallet was found, but still missing some things out of it.  Well I thought it was all behind us.  It wasn’t.  We don’t use our credit cards anymore, but we still have balances on a few of them.  I have automatic payments set up so honestly I rarely look at our accounts online.  Something prompted me to check one of our cards though Monday afternoon.  I saw a few charges for the previous statement.  Thought it was kind of odd, but not too unusual.  Then I went back to the last statement and saw a whole bunch of charges.  Now I know JJ wouldn’t use the card that many times without telling me.  I quickly realized that I was wrong in assuming that all the cards that were stolen along with my wallet were not active.  Clearly this one still was.  They had racked up about $1,500 in charges from 12/6 – 12/24.I got on the phone and reported it to my credit card company.  They cancelled the card and we are waiting for a claims form to come in the mail along with our new cards.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, I get a call Monday night around 9:00.  I answered it and it was the bank where our personal and business accounts are set up.  They asked if we had made a purchase for $4.95 around 6:15 that evening on our business debit card.  I knew I didn’t, but JJ was at the store and I couldn’t be sure that he didn’t.  I asked if I could check with him and call them back.  I called JJ and he said that he had not charged anything.  So we found out of two different accounts that were hacked all in the same day!  At least our bank caught it and the charge didn’t go through, nor did any further charges.  That card was also cancelled and we should be receiving those new cards any day now. 

Back to the credit card that was stolen, JJ was pissed.  We know it’s some punk kid that stole from a bunch of different cars in our neighborhood and he hasn’t been caught yet.  So JJ took it upon himself to do some detective work yesterday.  On our credit card printout of all the charges, each store has an ID number.  Some of the stores were Aero.postale, Jour.neys, Fam.ous Foot.wear, Ga.me S.top, just to name a few -obvious kid, right?  He started with Ga.me St.op and called a local store asking if they knew which location that specific store ID was.  They mentioned one that was about 8 miles from our house at a mall.  Then he started calling the other stores at the mall that the card was used at, and sure enough all the store ID’s matched.  Then he called the security department at the mall (I’m picturing Ma.ll Co.p now, ha!) and explained our situation.  The guy was really nice and helpful on the phone.  JJ gave him all the dates of the purchases and what stores they were at and the guy said he would call him back by 5. 

He called back with some news.  Apparently a girl (I assumed a guy had stolen my card, and still think that’s the case, but it makes sense that a girl would actually be making the purchases since my name was on the card) bought an expensive game system at Ga.me St.op.  As she was leaving, she decided to buy an extended warranty.  Why the hell not, it’s not her money she’s spending?!  A different clerk helped her this time.  I’m a little confused as to how it all went down, but I think when the girl went to pay for the warranty, the clerk asked for ID.  The girl obviously didn’t have ID to match the name on the card.  I think at that point the clerk kept the card and wouldn’t sell the girl the warranty.  Now here’s the funny part…when the girl filled out the warranty, she put her OWN damn name and phone number down!  Stupid!  I’m not sure what other information they have on this girl such as an address, but I’m guessing they might have it all.  So the security guy seemed pretty excited that it all went down the way it did.  I’m very impressed the Ga.me St.op employee had enough sense not to let the girl use it, but I don’t know why he/she would have kept the card and then not reported it.  Oh well.  The police went to the mall yesterday afternoon to pick it up along with the warranty info the girl filled out and they are supposed to keep us posted.  I hope we catch everyone involved in all the car thefts! 

And as if that wasn’t enough (yet again), today I got another call from our bank.  I thought it was just a follow up call from two days prior, but no.  They asked if we had made a purchase at a Safe.way grocery store in Maryland for $201.70 on our personal card.  Um, unless my husband is running around on me in Maryland, we definitely did not make a purchase there.  Now I was really confused because we both had our personal cards in hand, so how was someone able to go into a store and use our account?  Apparently people can get a credit card and load a new number onto it, so when it’s swiped, it’s actually pulling from our account.  So that account was cancelled also and we have to go to a local branch to get our new cards printed.  We did figure out that the hacking is tied to Restau.rant De.pot which is where we buy the food for the restaurant, and have used both our personal and business debit cards there.  Apparently there was a press release that went out late last year about 100,000 customers info being compromised, and according to it, RD sent a letter to all of its customers.  If I remember right, when we signed up for membership at RD, we put the apartment address down which obviously we don’t have anymore, so I’m guessing that’s why we never got a letter.  But come on people!!  Work for your own money and don’t spend others' money who basically work paycheck to paycheck as it is!  And with a baby at home no less.  You don’t want to cross this new mom the wrong way; it’s not like I enjoy leaving my daughter every day to go to work so we can afford to live!

5 Months

It is so crazy to think I have a 5 month old daughter!  Hell, it’s crazy to think I have a daughter period!  The other night I was “talking” to Chloe, and I was saying “I am your mommy and you are my daughter.”  Those words still seem so weird coming out of my mouth but that’s where we are.  I have a 5 month old daughter!  This month has been so fun.  I look at you and don’t see a newborn anymore.  You are really starting to get a personality of your own and do so much more than just sleep like you did when we first brought you home.  Every day is a new adventure and I love watching you explore the world.  Even if it’s just staring at our faces, you seem to discover something new each time.  From your fake coughs that make us laugh, to you arching your back trying to get off of our laps (not yet, my dear), you show us little glimpses of who you are and we love every second of it.  

Sleep: We have a big announcement in this area – you now sleep in your very own room, in your very own crib!  Now, there is a story here.  Every time we thought about moving you, you would vomit in your sleep and it would scare the bejesus out of me, so we would hold off.  We decided that while mommy was off for Christmas break, we would finally make the transition.  Well we stayed at Grandpa’s house 4 nights during that break so we were hesitant if sleeping there AND moving you to your room was too much.  We decided to push on though, and just when we were putting you down, daddy went to set up the video monitor in your room and it wouldn’t turn on!  So your daddy said guess we need to get the bassinet back up and mommy said, no let’s go ahead and try this.  So the first time in your room and you didn’t even have a monitor!  It’s not like your room is far, but mommy was still a little uneasy to not have you right next to her and not be able to see you.  The first few nights we would have to get up a few times early in the morning to put your pacifier back in your mouth, but you still sleep just as late as you did in our room.  I have to say, as much as I loved you sleeping in our room, it’s kind of nice to be able to watch TV at night and not think we are disturbing you, and it’s really nice to get ready in the morning in our room and not tiptoe around.  We still put you to bed between 9:30 and 10 every night and you usually sleep until around 9 the next morning.  Your daddy sure lucked out with you!  And naps, you finally have them figured out!  What were we missing?  Swaddling!  We knew the sitter did it and had good luck, but the first few times we tried, not so much.  Then we got out the sleep sack we got from the hospital and WOW did that do the trick!  We were a little hesitant to start swaddling you again this late in the game, but you nap wonderfully with it, and sleeping in your own room at night I think allows you to go all night without us having to get up to put the pacifier in your mouth.  So those are the two big things this month – you started going down great for naps a few times a day, and you are now sleeping in your room, both day and night.

Daily Routine: The best part of our day continues to be getting you up in the morning.  Some mornings you will just lay in your crib and talk for what seems like forever.  It is the best way to start our day as parents.  During the week daddy will go in and get you up.  If it’s a day with the sitter, he will change you, get you dressed, feed you, and off you to go the sitter.  Then I will pick you up around 4:30, we play a little bit, eat, and then take a bath, eat again, and go to bed.  If it’s a day you stay home, daddy still changes you, gets you dressed (sometimes :)), and feeds you.  Within the first hour and a half or so of being up you go down for your first nap.  When you wake up, it’s time to eat again and then you play.  Usually you stay up again until it’s time to eat for the third time then you go down for an afternoon nap.  Mommy usually gets home shortly after you wake up and then we pick back up with our evening routine. 

Feed: Last month you were a 180 baby, and this month you are a 210 baby!  That’s only happened a couple of times, but daddy likes to give you 7 ounces at a time. You seem to do OK with it for the most part, and honestly could probably use 7 ounces at each feeding since most days you only eat 5 times and some days you only eat 4 (still don’t like that).  In general you are on a 9, 12, 3, 6, 9 eating schedule, those are the times of day you eat.  You like to hold on to your bottle while we are feeding you, and sometimes can hold it up yourself.  You also love to watch us make the bottle for you and grab for it once we are done.  The saddest thing is when we go to burp you in the middle of the feeding and at the end - we set the bottle down on the table and you just stare at it and cry like "I know that's for me, just give it back!"  We also tried giving you cereal for the first time.  The first time was on Christmas day and it was so runny we probably should have put it in a bottle.  The second time we made it thicker and you did really well.  We plan to add that into your meals at least every few days to get you used to the idea of eating with a spoon. 

Weight: Was 13.4 lbs on the restaurant scale a few weeks ago but that was fully clothed and with a diaper. I’m guessing you are about 13.8 now.

Length: My guess is around 25 inches

Diaper Size: Size 2 diaper

Clothes Size: Let’s see here…you are STILL wearing some newborn pants, but for the most part you are in 3 month clothes.  Jammies you are in 3-6 months and a few 3-6 month onesies fit too.  I don’t think you are wearing anything that is 6 months.  We had a bit of a funny moment this month (which could go under funniest moment but I’ll post it here).  We were going to see grandpa and I had an outfit in my head of what I wanted you to wear.  I went to put it on, and I couldn’t get the shirt over your head!!  I was bound and determined though to make it work.  Looking back on it, I feel bad I squeezed your head through, but I finally got it on.  I told your daddy I wasn’t going to put you back through that a second time though so we cut it off of you that night.  You just have a big head!  It’s the Circo brand from Target that we have noticed has a smaller neck, and even if it fits everywhere else, we can’t always get it over your head. 

Hair Color:
At birth: blonde
20 weeks: your hair is super blonde on top, and is getting much thicker.  You still have the bald spot on the back of your head, but we can feel soft, prickly new hairs.  I think you are just going to continue to rub them off for a while.  And the darker hair at the base of your neck is even starting to lighten up now. 

Eye color:
At birth: blue/gray
20 weeks: bright blue

Funniest moment: I already mentioned one funny moment with your shirt, but the other one is bath time.  We took the sling out of your bathtub and let you splash around.  You aren’t sure what to think, but you smile the whole time.  Every once in a while though it’s like something startles you and you kick both legs out, stick your belly out, and put your arms up.  You also get a serious look on your face when you do it.  The combination of it all really is quite funny to watch.  But you immediately start smiling and kicking and splashing again. 

Milestone: You have rolled over a few times now, but just a few.  It really seems to surprise you when you realize you are now on your belly when you were just on your back.  You are starting to drool more and EVERYTHING goes in your mouth!  Gazing at people and things is one of your favorite past times.  I love when you are sitting in my lap and I feel your head move on my arm.  I look down and you are just staring at me with those big blue eyes.  I wonder what you are thinking.  You continue to find your voice and make new noises every day.  You are one loud baby!  Your daddy and I joke that the quiet days in our house are over.  You’ve figured out how to take the pacifier out of your mouth, but you forget one piece – you don’t open your mouth when you’re doing it!  It’s so funny, but you pull it out while you have the death grip on it with your gums so you end up jerking it out of your mouth and it makes a popping noise.  Sometimes you manage to get it back in, but other times you just spin it around and start chewing on it.

Your favorite toy: You’ve only had it a couple of weeks, but I would have to say your jumperoo.  You can’t quite touch the floor yet so we put a blanket under your feet, but I think you like being in the upright position.  Yes, you still like your play mat too, but I think you are getting bored laying on your back.  You don’t jump much in the jumperoo, but you like to play with the spinning toy, chew on the seat, and just look around.  The play mat and mirrors are still other toys you love too though.  You really like to touch our faces.  I’ll get right up to your face and you’ll put your hand on my mouth or chin.  I’ll start opening my mouth and making noises so you can feel what I’m doing and hear it at the same time.  You will just hold onto us forever.  Just as long as your nails are short and not sharp, I’ll let you hold onto my face as long as you want, ha.

Firsts:

First Christmas

First time at a wedding

First time sitting in your high chair

First time eating cereal

First time napping in your own room

First time sleeping through the night in your own room

First time in the jumperoo

First time rolling from your belly to your back

First time rolling from your back to your belly

 You were trying SO hard to roll over while I was taking your picture

 You would kick and roll from side to side.  You didn't once get frustrated though, just started talking to yourself.

What Would You Do?

This post is about the restaurant. We started it back in March of 2010.  I will say in the beginning we were putting supplies and food on a credit card, but we quit doing that within the first few months of the store being open and just go paycheck to paycheck.  Our hopes were to bring in an extra grand or two a month to help pay for the costs of having a new baby.  I will admit there haven't been too many weeks that we were able to pocket much money.  In the beginning we were because JJ was the only one working, we didn't have labor costs.  We did however have a monthly apartment rent payment but that wasn't much.  Then as we got closer to my due date, he spent less and less time there, and had hired 3 employees to work.  Now he's down there two days a week, but he just stays in the kitchen cooking - he always has another employee there actually running the restaurant.  So what it boils down to is we are paying approximately 68 hours at minimum wage in MO which is $7.25, so that comes out to approximately $500 a week.  Then we spend anywhere between $500 and $800 a week on food.  So those two combined (on the high end) equals $1,300.  Now going into the winter months, we are going to be lucky if we break even every week.

• Here are the key things to think about.  The drive is about 180 miles round trip, so the miles on our cars are quickly adding up
• Gas alone driving down and back is roughly $35
• Each day the sitter watches Chloe, it's $30

At this point, we feel like we have three options, and I'm just not sure which one is the best.

Option 1: JJ could be down there three days a week instead of two. Two of those days he would work alone so that would save us $145 a week in labor.  That's the good.  The bad is those would be REALLY long days for him.  He would have to be out of the house by 8 (which is unheard of for him), and he wouldn't get home until 10 at night.  We would have to pay $35 for gas and $30 for the sitter.  So all said and done we are really only saving around $80.  Also, the winter months are when JJ's likelihood of working at the railroad increases.  So that puts a wrinkle in things too.  Is it worth it?

Option 2:  Close the restaurant down during the winter months.  Like I said before, the winter is when JJ has to work more.  He hasn't actually gotten called into work for months, but that will all change once the weather gets cold and it starts to snow.  Also, we've already seen a decrease in sales at the restaurant because a lot of people walk to the store and they don't want to get out in crappy weather.  The good is that we wouldn't have to worry with driving back and forth in crappy weather, and possibly coming out of pocket some weeks when sales are low.  The bad is that we could, and most likely would, lose our employees.  So when we would open back up in the spring, we'd be starting from scratch again. 

Option 3:  Close the restaurant down for good.  It really has been fun, and JJ really does like to cook.  But I know on multiple occasions he has gotten burned out.  Whether it was being away from home, dealing with employee drama, not having enough food to keep up with business, etc.  I think it would be a huge stress reliever for him.  I know he will miss going down there though and the friends he's made, as will I.  It's been fun to "have a restaurant" for the past year.  And it's not like we would be missing out on the extra income; hell it would probably SAVE us money in the long run.

I don't mean to make it sound like we've already decided which way we are going to go, but it kind of sounds that way as I write it all out.  What would you do in this situation?  I'm open for all suggestions!

My Friday Night...

Was spent chatting with this little one.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Back in the Kitchen

Who am I kidding, "back in the kitchen?"  I never was in the kitchen to begin with! :)  It's no secret that JJ does the majority of the cooking in our house.  But since we've had Chloe, our kitchen only sees action when it's time to fix her a bottle.  The cooking has almost completely stopped.  So what do we eat?  I have no idea.  We have gotten used to eating food from the restaurant that JJ brings back a few times a week.

But this week - this week somehow a fire was lit under my ars and I was in the kitchen not once, but TWICE making something!  The first time I made peanut butter balls.  My brother's girlfriend had brought them over on Christmas and I forgot how much I love those things.  But she made them with a twist - marshmallow fluff!  Heaven!  I made a batch and within the week JJ and I consumed all of them.  Now unfortunately I didn't go all out and take pictures, but here is the recipe I used.

The second time I was in the kitchen was last night.  And this was for work.  It was my turn to bring in a snack today and I have some pretty health-conscious people in my department so I really have to dig deep to come up with something I think everyone will eat.  I wanted something breakfast-y.  I found this recipe and it was a huge hit!  It's apple-granola-crisp.  Chloe went down for a short nap last night and I was able to whip this bad boy up.  I put it in the fridge overnight and everyone heated up their own portions this morning if they wanted to.  I served it with vanilla yogurt.  I think this is my new go-to breakfast food in the morning.  I can make it ahead of time and scoop out an individual serving to take each day to work.  Or better yet, I can divide them into ramekins as mentioned in the recipe to make it even easier.  So if you are bored with cereal and looking for a different, healthier option, this might be it!